Parenting #06 – Raising a Special Needs child

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Muhammad West

Channel: Muhammad West

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Topics: Parenting

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Episode Transcript

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With a reliable cheat on the regime smilla Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala Shafi mousseline, syedna Mohammed, Ali Yosef, my beloved brothers and sisters saramonic more from over here to Al Hamdulillah without a meal placement or loss pantalla Anisha Allah witnesses known as Raja worship besides the Las panatela and we send out greetings and salutations so beloved Nabina Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his place and your family to his companions and all those who follow his son until the end of time. May Allah bless us to be amongst them, amin, amin or from the left we continue Alhamdulillah our series on parenting Pamela today inshallah very moving

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subject. You know, just this past week got a question about this. How do we raise children with special needs? What is required from us in terms of the Sharia? What do we need to teach them, you know, they reach a certain age or a macula for the macula, because we want them to obviously attend. And we want them to make sure they're fulfilling their duties as Muslims should be forced the month of Ramadan. And this is a such a moving subject and Allah spandana grant all those who are ill and those who have any form of disabilities may not grant them a full and complete Shiva. May Allah grant that our scientists and doctors find the cures for every disease and for every deficiency

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there is a cure mallows panthella grant for us and for those who have struggled and suffered a lot make it a means that they they generate security with me. So we begin by mentioning this issue of the clear accountability, a loss handler in his infinite mercy. He does not hold anyone accountable, was not able to be that accountability. And so very famous Hadith that Ibiza pseudonym ciders, Heidi personali, the author, three persons whose actions are not recorded, there are three people as mentioned another Heidi with a pin is lifted, meaning there is no you know, since no matter what they do, they are sinless. And what these three people the sleeper until he wakes up to someone who

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is not conscious someone is sleeping. and by extension, anyone who is you know, they're not by the four senses, whatever it is, and you know, you took some medication and you're completely out of it, you don't know don't realize what you're doing. A last panel data does not hold us accountable for when we are not by our senses. And number two, the child before they reach the age of puberty. So even though you know of a seven year old, eight year old nine year old, they understand what is right and wrong, they know is naughty, even if they commit a sin Allah Subhana Allah will not hold them accountable for that, until they become McCullough. Next week, he will talk about when is my

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child mukalla. So the pain is not written for them. And of course, the Prophet says the mentally deficient person totally come to the senses are told they have the ability to reason. But if they of course, never are able to reason, they will always have no accountability upon them. And so in this topic, today, we talk about kids with special needs. And, of course, special needs covers a broad spectrum. They are those who have physical deficiencies or physical disabilities, with blindness, mammography, SRA, those who can't hear those who have muscle conditions, but there's nothing wrong with the cognitive the thinking ability, those we can physically do everything. But in terms of the

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thinking abilities, there is this problem, or the social abilities, there might be something wrong emotionally. And so all these different forms of special needs, they have different rulings depending on on the capacity of the of the person and really Subhanallah his appearance. And of course, they can give us they will know based in what capacity each shell is. So for one child, for example, maybe that child has has a sickness, they have diabetes, now Gundam shop, but for them, they can do all the deeds they can do for Isola, they can, you know, perform hajj, Lusaka. But fasting for them is not because they're not accountable to fast enough, obviously, fasting would be

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detrimental to their health. And so for that person fasting is they are exempted from fasting, when other person, they may have an issue of not being able to stand when maybe they might be in a wheelchair, as of course, they will not be accountable to stand with to perform solo. But of course, they need to fast. And so each child needs to be assessed, and each person needs to be assessed based on their abilities. And we always remember that's Panama, for some people, especially if their mental faculties are not fully, fully mature. So some people they are in the 20s. But intellectually, they're only 567 years old. And the ruling will be applied as if they are 567,

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meaning the pain is lifted for them, there is no accountability. And in many ways Panama, these people are sinless. And they are in the mercy of a lot, you know, a loss for sins that are two of them like any other child. And the position is Jelena we know that any child, whether they grew up in a Christian household or whatever household and they and they die, and we practice that faith, but they die before they become Caliph. When they are they are jealousies. They have people Mm hmm. And so every parent must assess the ability and the capability and where they are in terms of the child's development, keeping in mind that Allah is most merciful. And the chariot is easy. The

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Sharia is designed for ease. It is not made, it's not meant to burden. And so I mean, if we look at simple things like a lady who's menstruating, I mean, servation is is an inconvenience, but it's not a major, major obstacle. And if she's menstruating, she doesn't perform so now she doesn't make up for it. And her days of fasting, she's exempt from fasting. If you have a simple inconvenience like traveling and trade travel. It's so easy but

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If you would just took a flight from Cape Town to Johannesburg, you know, at the most, at the worst, you can say there's a bit of discomfort. In that case, you know, you can make Casasola you don't have to fast if this Friday you exempted from gemasolar. So all these things the Sharia gives you allowances for small inconvenience, let alone a disability. And so as parents, we should never ever force our children in a way that is harmful to them were detrimental to their health, or makes it very insulting for Sharia is the for them to love the deen and for them to love and was part of our data. And then whatever is in a capacity, like a small child, you know, if they play it masala, it's

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fine, we stand up one or two rock as a family, that's fine, we just remind and encourage, and so every parent should think about that. And if there's not much need to go into a detailed analysis is my child makalah what is accountable, you will decide and you will determine that and always remember, Allah is most merciful, and the Sharia is meant to be easy. And no one is burdened beyond the means. But what we can perhaps address in Stoke up to the parents, any parent who has been tested, and without a doubt is a test, it is a very severe kind of test to be tested with a special needs child. You know, as parents, when we hold our kids even before they are born, we have dreams

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of what they will do in show our child will, you know, they will be amazing in everything. And they would grow up in 100, or they will be independent, and they would really fall our hopes, our dreams and our future race in this child. And when that news comes, that's final, there is something not 100% about your child in some way or another, then, you know, it's like a punch event you can never imagine that emotionally versus something which completely flattens you as a parent, until to be tested through children anyway, is perhaps the hardest test, you know, appealing and rather, themselves physically suffer in to have the child suffer. And that is why if you look at the MBR,

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almost all of them, all of them were tested in the children in some way because our last panel dialer, and we'll talk about this in a way to purify in a way to elevate in a way to really strengthen the EMA. Allah does put people through a harder test and hardship. And so if you look at the items panela one son killed the other now we know his son died, drowning me Brahim having to slaughter Israel, and Libya who he lost use for all those years crying and in fact perhaps for me the most painful death out of the Quran is that we are cops to our nieces that young law it is to you that I assure Buffy what was needed I I speak to you hear a lot all these decades about my

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severe sadness, my deep sorrow to the point where he went blind. So the person that went through perhaps the the most moving sorrow in the Quran is a via hoop. And of course, this is the loss of nerve use of losing all the children. And of course, like Mohammed Salah who buried all these children besides one I mean all of these kids, he buried in his lifetime and scan Allah so Allah has tested the best of the best with this harness in the children. And so you know, you have to realize that some kids with a disability will mean that you will forever be supporting them, they will never be independent of you. And you will constantly have to give them unconditional K and love, you know,

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a child that doesn't have these special needs, they go to bed easily they can get dressed eventually become independent, they can do things of their own way as a child with special needs, if that's what exactly is they will need that extra special K and in that kind of law, it is tiring and make no mistake as much as we will say that it is a blessing from Allah in a way that we can understand and be is a lot of Baraka in that indeed there is without a doubt it is a taste and it is a hardship and it is something that I'm sure any parent who has a special needs child if they could you know with the Oscar loss pantalla to take away this burden and replace it with something easier Allah

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Allah but there is undoubtably days with ease a lot of fear anxiety and frustration there days we were your patients are just thin and of course to see your child struggling and your child with the other kids find very easy and your child is struggling struggling to fit in this of course breaks the heart of any parent and so this is a very special kind of test we know that and so we must ask this question you know as Muslims we know whatever Allah is decreed weeks if then we know that these our Eman is that that we accept whatever Allah has decreed and this is best for us. But the ease these questions cross our minds yeah well why why have you given me a child like this? And then

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Allah Subhana Allah says to us whenever we have these thoughts Allah says, For in character Muna fossa and Takahashi and y J. Lo fi fear and the fear of Allah speaks about husband and wife linear issues with the sisters in general for anything Allah says, perhaps you dislike something something which you are really unhappy about. But although it makes the in a lot of goodness, there's a lot of goodness in the thing that you don't like, might be a lot of goodness in itself. You don't realize all the goodness that it is and Allah only gives you that is what is good. And there is a divine reason we all are part of our humanity is that whatever Allah has given you or not given you,

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whatever Allah is testing me right now with is the divine reason and divine the roadmap and perhaps one of the best examples of this

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This special is such a discussion. We know the story of me moosari Sam and his family Sam, remember the two of them they are on a journey. And one of the things that we feel that we did was we came across a boy, young boy, I mean innocent Mashallah boy, and we

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killed his boy he murdered him and son of a moose also sharpens it. How could you do this? How can you kill an innocent child, and you also couldn't believe it. And so late on federalism explained this was a command of Allah and hindrances and Malappuram as for the boy for Cana, Avila, who named his two parents are pious, righteous people, but Machina, but but it was we feared, and he will he Kumar tobiano, who, for this boy would grow up, and he would pressurize his parents to become bad. And in fact, they will become preferred. This boy was going to grow up to be a horrible person, and he will eventually be so horrible that he will force his parents into this belief for Iraq now, I

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mean, listen, we and we will, and you will do humor that we will exchange him Ramu mahira, Minh was a captain who Accra Rama, Allah says that we intended that the Lord will give them another child that is more virtuous, and more caring in his place. And so, of course, for those parents, and Allah says that they will mean that they will praise people. So think about this, this couple. From the perspective they of course, didn't speak to most and had no idea. They were worshipping Allah, they were doing ebeid they were doing everything right. And the kid went out one day to play and out of nowhere, someone murdered their child. And there is no explanation. No one knows we who's the

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mother? And they can't believe he or Allah, how did this happen? Why did this happen, of course, their whole life, they would have been traumatized by this event, and behind the scenes, a las pantallas explaining that he knew that obviously, no, Allah is saying that this boy was going to grow up to cause a great deal of mischief even cause his parents will agenda. And Allah says that he will replace their child and of course, another child will come that will bring them happiness. And that child that was murdered, of course, he was going to grow up to be someone bad, but he is in Jannah, as well. And so Allah subhanaw taala has saved his whole family in this tragedy of agency,

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the wisdom basically to have the conversation with either but there was wisdom in this and spatola, whatever we're going through, whether it's your children, any difficulty in your career, in your health, he is Rama in our in the Iraq Rama, Rama, that in his play someone better more virtuous and more mothers, everything that Allah does, especially the things that are out you know, the things that are definitely out of our control, like you can choose what child you get, you can choose whether your child will be healthy or not. This is from Allah subhanho wa Taala. And so Allah is saying that there is divine wisdom and divine that we know from a resource, reminding us about taste

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and so many things have been said about this. Then Aris also says that if Allah was good for someone, they inflicts them with trials. And if Allah Subhana Allah wants to elevate you, he does it through trials now. Why? Because, you know, our deeds, even if they are good will only get us to a certain point you cannot reach the higher levels of gender and the higher levels of success except through an additional boost. And unfortunately, boost is through trials through difficulties and that is why they are the most tired people that Amelia, if you look at the lives, they had the most difficulty because Allah subhanaw taala push them in gave them a harder trial. But in the end, there

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was a lot of blessing at the end, in no hurry through resources. The people who face the most difficulties are the Gambia and then often in the next best in terms of righteousness. So the people who are tested the most of the Gambia are the most pious of people and then those who follow them in degrees and therefore you know, a lot also other His mercy He does not taste certain people because the EMA is so weak with Yvette if they were tested or the why even though they have and that's why they are given everything of goodness in the dunya because if one difficulty comes to them one thing they can't have one small material thing that is really meaningless if they don't get it when the

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demand become shaky Allah Why didn't I get the Jamia Allah Why didn't she do this or not? You know Subhan Allah with other people they are burdened with with this tremendous this but the Eman are all strong. And so the province is continuous. A person is trying to the level of his religion that he is given a levels of tests based on his religion and reforms. Finally, if you're living a very comfortable life and you have no major worries in your life, no major tests then this is not to say your Eman is weak but Pamela is Allah's mercy not pushing you in UTIs and and conversely, rather the one who is tested through so many things, you know, things in your life seem so insurmountable.

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Remember this could be because of the level of your Eman Allah subhanaw taala truly loves you and knows that you can be that burden. So if there is any, it's the prophecies so if there's any firmness in his religion, the trial is increasing the more verses follow the stronger your email is and the more you obey this bird of Allah increases that it is and if there is weakness in it, then a las panatela license it and Valley Authority remains with a servant until he walks on the earth having no sun lift upon him, that Allah as that this is worth

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You You're You're sinless in the context of this as you are sitting crying over your child making the offer him or her, you know caring for them, feeding them, watching them, being concerned about them. Every moment while you're going through those anxiety you are sending us a las panatela is removing some and increasing your, your diraja. And think about it, the more key you're giving and the more compassion you're giving to this this child. Of course, Allah subhanaw taala will outdo you by giving you more compassion out of his mercy. We know the ladies you intergender by giving compassion to a dog, you're caring for this, this disabled child so it can you imagine that he would

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the last part of the animal will leave for people that the key for for for a child with special needs and resources. Indeed, the greater reward comes with a greater tile. And indeed, when Allah loves a person, he puts them through trials that is fun a lot. There are many as the autumn I mentioned, there are many of us who love Allah, we genuinely love Allah. But not everyone earns the love of Allah. One way to earn the love of Allah is to be patient during trials. And the more Allah loves you, the more he will trial give you the trial, he will give you the test. And he will give you the strength and patience to pass the test. He gives you the exam, but then he also gives you

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the answer. And in that your love, His love for your increases, and the prophecies or whatever is contained. And contentment doesn't mean that you are happy. Remember, the MBR cried when they were through hardship and they complain to Allah and they express the sorrow. And they asked Allah remove my sickness, remove, you know, save my son, we are Allah bring us back to me. So it doesn't mean that you don't cry and you say out luckily the testing, we never asked for the test. But this is what Allah once that we say Our Lord, if you've tested us with us, then we beseech you for your help and assistance. And if you know we will be patient until the assistance comes, or the process or

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whatever it is, he makes somewhere and he's contented when for him is the pleasure of Allah and Allah subhanaw taala guarantees that person, the love and the pleasure and the blessings in this dunya and we are here. And in other Hadith now you don't see a lot is a servant by giving him things, the hardships and whoever is all or blessings as well. Allah gives us things sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes the hardship, remember everything is a test. And whoever is contented with what Allah has given him, Allah will bless him in that and expand it. So you will continue to the Allah you've given me this child, and it's not easy. And there are so many days we think seem so

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difficult and overwhelmed. There's so many fears and anxieties about the future. But no matter what, I still make my Salah, and I make my dua and I turned to you doing what I can, as a parent, I'm giving the best I can as a parent, and as for the things I can do, I defer that to you, your allies in your hands, then Allah guarantees that He will bless you in that he will put Baraka in your affairs, and he will expand it, He will make a way out for you. And of course, if you're not contented, you're you're unhappy with Allah, you will remain you, whatever it is that you you show this displeasure to Allah, when Allah subhanaw taala will not give you that assistance and you won't

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find Baraka analysts this will be a taste and will be nothing more than that. And so, you know, one person scholar mentioned this, he says that, when you deal with children with special needs, and a child that you realize will never ever be fully developed, a child that will never become independent, might not ever be able to do the things that ordinary children do. They will not ever get married and spinal, what breaks your heart and you know that this dunya this life, you know, you get that diagnosis, and you realize there's going to be no way you try, of course you try your best, but you're hoping you'll eventually get to a point where you realize it's never going to change,

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there's just going to be a lifelong struggle. And in that moment, you might feel Yeah, Allah, if you could just, you know, heal my child and do something that would change the situation, I would give everything that I have for that. But another way to look at it, if you could, before your child was born, you mentioned that take this moment before your child is born, you have a discussion with Allah subhanaw taala. And you are reminded that look, your life as a person is almost infinitely long. You know, you live, how long before you're born as a row, then you are born and you live a few years, 80 years, maybe you're lucky on the dunya. And then you live eternity in the afternoon. And

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so this 80 years is really small. It's a drop compared to your entire life, your spiritual life. And for us as parents, our primary job is to ensure that our children pass this stage in the dunya that they succeed so that when they go to the RTR, they are in Germany to save you from Jana. That is our number one job whether they become doctors, lawyers, engineers, whether they are famous, beautiful, that is an important that is a hammer that is a nice to have. But if your child has all the success of the dunya and you did not guide them so that they could pass the success of the past the trials of the IRA, and this is a failure on our part as parents and if your child struggles through the

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dunya, but they succeeded didn't regenerator hamdulillah they have succeeded and so imagine

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Just before your child is born, Allah Subhana, Allah says, I can guarantee that this child will go the agenda that I can make it such that when this child is born, they are guarantee they will pass the test of life, and they will get the agenda. Would we take that, and I think as parents it would be neglectful. If we did not say yes, here, Allah, Grant as a child with will definitely go to Ghana. Now a child that has special needs, especially those children that are mentally, never able to become color, those children are guaranteed gender, so of your three, maybe once Pamela, maybe two, maybe two, maybe all of them. If they have any of these specialties, then Allah has already

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secured what in gender already. One is, in general, almost that one is the one you don't have to worry about the other to the other, the others, you have to worry about these panels, because they need to pass the tests of the dunya. So Allah has already said this one, I've already preserved this Franco German, and in the process of you caring and loving and struggling with that one in this dunya in these few years, you will also attain your agenda. And so if you must think as well, and for all of you parents who are sitting with a child that has that external needs, ask yourself if you will even deal with Allah, Allah, Allah could have been said, Fine, I'll give you a child that

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doesn't have these extra, extra special needs. But the after now becomes a more of a challenge, what would we do an ls pantalla, you know, bless that we have the base of the junior and the after that our children are healthy and strong and successful in the dunya. And they will have the highest levels of gender preferidos in the army. Lastly, Now for those of you and humbly now who do not have children with special needs, there is also a test on you. And it's also a requirement of you and us to teach our children and for our own education and for our children how to interact with people with special needs. It is just the pseudonym of Allah, that in every society, in every school, in

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every community, in every month, there will be those on hamdulillah or to not have any special needs. And they are those are hamdulillah who also have they would have these special needs and for us, it is the son of Allah to to show Rama and Kay and concern. The Navajo Salamis time, they will people that had epilepsy, there were people there was a lady 100 ns analysis again, as we know, this young way that was always with an emphasis on pieces, when there was a lady who had mental illness in Medina. So we all knew she was you know, she was not fully by her senses. And she would walk around and talk and say things that were not coherent. And so she comes to the Nivea salon. And she

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says to him, I have something very important urgent to tell you. And everyone knows this is not urgent that rather than a resource, alum has urgent business, but she's coming to, to speak whatever is in her mind. And she insists I need to speak you privately. It's very important. And so there is Oh Mother of so and so he spoke to me. So I don't also have I say, you know, oh Auntie, come to whichever side of the road you wish, take me to wherever you feel comfortable. Whatever corner you want to take me as that I might take care of your needs. So I may solve whatever problem you have. And so Anna said he spoke to her privately and this could be me receiving along wasn't a short

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conversation, that I'm useless. I'm set and listen to her. And of course, most of it is probably ramblings, it didn't make any sense. But then I'm gonna set any listen to her. And he gave her his full, undivided attention until she was done. And then she walked away. And so spinalis was the kind of man that me so was with people that had special special needs. And so for us, you know, really, we would have failed as parents, if we do not teach our children about empathy. teach our children about people that don't have the blessings that they have, they don't have the life you can walk their kids to Cornwall, you can see their kids who can't see. And so to teach your child to be a

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compassionate person is perhaps the best lessons better than giving the maths and physics and all the all the academics. One person that had special needs of listening to talk, she said that I'm not disabled in the sense of an adverb is I'm not disabled, to describe me. Rather, society has disabled me, but it's a verb thing you want to do. I am not disabled, I'm perfectly fine. But society has disabled me, society has not created for the special needs that I have. You know, it's only it's one size fits all. And so if anything, nothing wrong with me, but I'm just a bit different. And then I'm ostracized, and many people, many parents that have special needs children, they love those kids.

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And those kids are a blessing and spamela they would not trade their child for another child. But what hurts them the most, is the way in which society treats those kids. And they are not welcome. They're not invited for birthday parties. Like every other child, you know, they want to be loved. They want to have friends, they want to be part of something. And so for other children to make them feel inferior, this is the thing that hurts parents the most. And so, have a conversation with your kids about children with disabilities. Ask them in your classes to anyone like that. And you make sure that your child make your child be the one that gives time to that one to invite their child to

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the birth there's to make a point that if you have a potty if you have anything, you know, if you you make sure you treat those children with respect with dignity and honor

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Remember, a person might have one disability, you know one thing that is not functioning as we would say and of course the word normal is terrible, but but not functioning as it should. The child is more than that a person with disability has a lot of other things. So that one aspect does not define define that person. And so spinal lock is part of your duty as a parent to ensure that your child has compassion and they grow up as being empathetic to other children. So our workplaces and put Baraka in our children. Allah have mercy on all of us and grant our kids to be the coolness of our eyes in the dunya and our means to genuine affection. Or some Latina Mohammed earlier he was so

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happy with language learning without me