Fiqh Of Love Episode #3 Love Before And After Marriage

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah Salam Alaikum Salah welcome back to another episode of the thick of love and Subhanallah we're already into the third episode of this great series of the thick of love and we'd like to welcome back our chef Dr. Mohamed Salah. So I can share by equals Salam are not Allah He or Baraka. Welcome back. Yeah. Thanks for joining us again. Thank you mashallah, so far, it's been a very exciting beginning to this series with mother is always exciting. Yeah. I love you for the sake of Allah

Subhan Allah, you know, on the last episode, Masha, Allah, you gave some great examples, practical examples, from the Stories of the Prophets Salallahu Salam, and all the prophets, where you mentioned the story of Musa Lai salaam, you know, the way he found love, you know, and began his journey through marriage. Also, you mentioned some of the lustful haram types of love, you know, and he gave some practical examples within the Quran, the way the woman tried to impose herself on Yusuf alayhi, salaam

SubhanAllah. You know, going back to the Quran, and the Sunnah for this guidance really, you know, gives us that sense of that, you know, it really does open our eyes to the correct way of doing things. You know, in this day and age, we live in a time where there's lots of different Dean's different ways of life, you know, they have different religions, the secular way of life, Hollywood and Bollywood. And many people are taking their, their guidance from other sources, you know, especially when we're looking at Hollywood and Bollywood, and Nollywood, and all these different types of film industries, where they have

this haram type of love, you know, and a lot of the time people are expecting

something that doesn't actually exist. You know, even though the owner this is all acting, yes. And those celebrities themselves, the actors and actresses, they never last in a marriage life for a few months. They keep getting married, and they keep divorcing each other all the time. So they don't they don't actually find this Sakina or

tranquility and comfort in any of the marriages. So the person should be wise enough to understand that you should not compare yourself to what you see on the screen. This is all acting Subhan Allah shaker you mentioned the different types of love yous mentioned in the difference between love and lust, you know, the Haram and the halal type of love? What effects can this have on the individual?

Well, there's actually a hadith that answers your question. Straight to the point in which the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him says, hope will cache you or me while you swim.

Which means when you love something too much on you're obsessed with love with the love of anything. In our case, you're talking about a love between a couple

that leads to blindness and deafness. In what sense?

A person may fall in love with a woman for innocence, because she is so beautiful that happens from his point of view.

So as a result, he ignores all the other facts.

He knows that she's not wearing hijab, in the future she will. And I'm gonna convince her

She smokes. Yeah, I'm gonna convince her to quit smoking.

She falls in love with a guy for whatever reason, but the guy doesn't pray. You know, Daddy, I'm going to make him pray. I'm going he's working in Haram he is earning for murder Riba? Well, in the future in sha Allah, once we get together, I'm going to influence him to quit the Haram and look for the Hulen this is exactly the interpretation of the Hadith. You are me, also, to the extent that when some people say you know what, I know the girl whom you love, she has a terrible background. And she comes from a terrible family etc, etc.

So the person pretends like, he doesn't see anything wrong with her. He doesn't hear no does he want to see or hear anything about her, that may affect his decision? This is very dangerous. Because love alone shouldn't be the only component or based on you make the final decision of marrying that person. SubhanAllah. So, you're saying that even you know, some people may even get married to someone, even if they don't pray? What would you do in this situation? Should they just not get married? I haven't to attend one wedding where

a guy who's coming from a very practicing Muslim family fell in love with with a non Muslim woman, a non Muslim girl, he got to know her online. And as a result, he said, Yeah, I want to marry her. The Quran says it's okay to marry from the people of the book and she discussion. And no matter what you tell them, you said, you see, I gonna marry her and she will become Muslim and she will become a good girl, etcetera. And when she came a figure that something haram may happen. So I said, Okay, we'll get you married. And then they got married. In one week, he called me and he said, chef, I divorced her. I said, Why Subhanallah a few days ago, if anyone were to see you, like, you're

obsessed with her love, like, you will die if you don't marry her. It will be the end of the world. If you don't marry her, he said, True. But she I ended up buying alcohol for her on daily basis, I used to go and buy alcohol for her, you know, because I loved her. So I just realized that I'm going downhill. And I will be I will lose my day. This is just a simple example. There are many, many examples for that. Sometimes a respected, pious, righteous person, loving to his family, to his parents to his siblings. Then he marries a woman who is kind of selfish, she wants him all for herself. Then she keeps bombarding him ended up making him hate his family, being unfaithful to his

parents, literally make him boycott his siblings not to talk to any family member, she also came on board and parley for herself, a man should be wise enough not to let this happen. Yes, I love you, but I love my parents more. And hey, you will not making a contrast or a comparison between loving your spouse, or loving your parents. These are two different categories. But no one should affect the other.

So understanding that loving your spouse should not lead to severing the ties of your kinship, particularly your parents and your siblings is very important. What you're saying is you're not just your duties as a husband, but to your religion as well. You know, to your family, your community, have your own, you know, religion, your own worship. Absolutely, absolutely. Of course, all of this is a so shake for those, for instance, who are

you know, they don't necessarily have love, okay, that maybe their family have introduced them to a sister. He's happy with what he sees. They get married, but they're a bit worried, you know, because they've been raised with the Hollywood and Nollywood thinking that they should be love. So how do they now develop the love after marriage? What through my experience as a marriage counselor, I figured that Subhanallah the kind of marriage which was based on that I married this girl or I picked up the guy or accepted this proposal. Somebody introduced them to me or families introduced, you know, the maze to each other. They didn't know each other before they didn't have love affair.

such marriages are most likely to last than the marriages which are based on love and love relationship before marriage. And this is among Muslims or non Muslims are like

I think I shared with you the study which was done by the Dr. Sol Jordan, the French sociologist,

who came up with the results that 85% of marriages, which were previously established or based on love, they end up with divorce, because of the same fact that the Prophet sallallahu sallam said hobo Cochet you are me on some blinds you don't see a lot of things, even though they're very obvious, but you are pretending that you don't see them. ie a lot of things but you

acting like you know, you never heard of them. Why? Because you focus on one thing, I want her. Or she says, I want him no matter what you say, no matter what the whole world says about him. But you know, you know, in Islam, marriage isn't only marrying an individual.

It's a merge of two families into each other. So when you marry, you should keep in mind, not only Who's the girl, or who's the guy, but also the siblings, the family. Because one day, your kids, when you have kids will say to somebody's uncle, so who's gonna be your kid's uncle?

Who's gonna be your kids uncle? Is he a drug dealer? Is he an atheist? Is she a prostitute?

is he somebody who you're not happy to have in the family? And would most definitely have a bad influence on you and your family? Many people come to me and say, I asked my wife not to speak to a feminist say why Haram is you don't know *. Because they have such a bad influence on my kids. They make them eat this, they make them watch that. And they, they're famous of child molestation. When he didn't know all of that before marriage. Well, unfortunately, I knew or you heard of, but I was blind. I hear that a lot. I was blind. I was deaf. So that's exactly what the Prophet salaallah selama say, hope will cache you or me or so many goals. When the parents or the family friends

introduce a suitor right away without even considering meeting the guy, chicken him out.

Talk to him, perhaps? Maybe there's some sort of chemistry maybe you like him? No means no. Why? Because he is proposed to her by the parents, by the family or the family friends. She wants to find the guy on her own. She wants to find her love on her own. This now how it goes Subhanallah I mean, I know stories of sisters. 4050 years old, on married, never been married. You know, because they they think that this love is gonna come? You know Subhanallah first of all, it's tragic. We invoke Allah and we ask him to make it easy for all the single men and women to get married. I mean, whether they have been previously married, then divorced or widowed, or they never been married

before. But here we're not picking on anyone. We're not casting the blame on people. It's because of you. You turned down many proposal you're waiting for Mr. Right? Now, we're not talking about that. But we are trying to open up the minds and make the viewers pay more attention to the facts behind the true love. And behind marriage and measure purpose and objective that

a person is trying to achieve when he or she get married. It is not only about love, which is due to I like him and he likes me his school. She is nice. He cares about me. She's very sweet. All of that is good. But this is not the main pole, which would form a family. I think he's also kind of a reflection of your own.

Closest closeness to Allah. You know, if you're close to Allah, if you're, you know, worshiping Well, as we, as we should say, you know, you're going to be looking for something different in a wife, you know, you're looking for someone who's, you know, practicing Islam. Well, you know,

exactly. You need somebody to help you to enter Paradise, you know, talking about love.

Once the Prophet sallallahu sallam was sitting with his companions, he said Almora to the referee, as well, do you have an agenda?

The hadith means like he was asked, if a woman got married to a man and the man was righteous, but he died.

Then she got married to another man, or a third man.

The first husband or the first and the second husband, they passed away. And the third is righteous man as well. So all her husbands and ex husbands were nice and righteous. Now she's a righteous woman too. And they all entered al Jana.

Who would be her husband in paradise. Is it the first husband or the second husband? The Prophet salaallah Cinema said that she will be married in heaven in a Jana, to the man whom she was his wife last.

When she died, she was married to this person, both of whom are righteous. They ended up in agenda. She will be his wife in agenda, even though she loved her ex husband so much but you know, she married somebody else. Okay,

Right.

So when the Sahaba heard that they started thinking about it

that may Allah be pleased with him and his wife discuss this matter. And she said, you know our daughter that if you happen to die before me, I will never, ever marry another guy after you.

Why not because I want to be your wife in paradise power, Heaven will not be heaven without you. Subhanallah she, so he died before her. Yeah. And she left with the rest of her life without getting married again, even though she received such precious proposals. One of those proposals was by Ameerul Momineen Maha we have the ABI Sofia. And she turned to me she says, you know, an offer like this should not be rejected, but I promised my saucepan to be his wife in heaven spa, this is the type of wife inshallah

got all the Muslims. This is an example of the true love is beautiful. Just like Lakeisha we're just gonna take a short break. Okay, we're back. So stay tuned, we'll be right back. Salam Alaikum

salam alaikum salah. Welcome back to the thick of love salary comm show Friday comm salaam Natalya Baraka, Sheikh just before the break, we was us giving some nice examples of panela of the priorities, really some of the priorities that we need to have when searching for a wife, you know, we shouldn't be too driven, driven by our desires, that doesn't stop us from you know, looking a prospect wife or prospect, husband, etc. But at the same time, you know, what are we looking for in marriage? You know, what should we be looking for, you know, Allah mentions, and maybe you can elaborate on this.

You know, there's some Diwas, which Allah mentions in the Quran, in order for us to seek some of the Kure some of these, well, perhaps you're referring to the supplication of the servants of the Most Beneficent and merciful

about man by the end of Surah, Al Furqan, shutter number 25 among their qualities, that they're conocen do I wish you the Invoke Allah on a regular basis? Or bene have learned? I mean, as Virgina was RIA Tina Kurata union, what an Allen machina Imam. So the DUA means they say, Our Lord grant us from our spouses. And we said before, as well as your first of both the husbands and the wives, and if similar is out Kurata was already 18. So Gantos from our spouses and our Riyadh offspring, children, boys and girls Kurata comfort for our eyes, which are under in with Tokina Imam and that is the thing that you need to look for most when you get married. So no matter how much you're

attracted to the individual think about one thing would you really achieve this comfort, peace of mind when you marry this person would marry in this person in the giving you a goodly offspring which will make you the happiest and when we say the happiest and having peace of mind and comfort for your eyes, it is not the temporary one like holy here. You know, what happens when a person marries another Muslim woman for innocence? It says, Allah says, You can marry Akita via Kushner. So he's always worried what if I die today? I have three kids. He's always worried that I have three kids, if I don't have kids, I would have divorced her a long time ago. Why? Because she dances

because she dreams and I cannot stop her. Because she goes to the church and such and she insists on taking the kids with her. And when they go to Halloween, and Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, the kid says that he will have to go with mom. So you know, he says it's very painful for me. But you know, I cannot say no. If I say no, and we break up if I divorce her, I would lose my kids. Yes, indeed, you would lose them. And guess what? You've lost them already the day you decided to make the decision upon Allah. You know, in Arabic, there is a very nice statement. They say on your side. Faqad halacha side. In English, they say if you don't learn the easy way, you're gonna learn the

hard way. So, before getting married, there's something called is the Shara matura consulting people, the elders, the experts, the scholars, and then it's the Hara.

asking Allah subhanaw taala to make the right choice to give you the right choice. So when you ask people to have an experience, whether because they counseled many marriages, or elders, they know better than you, or people who've been in the field before you, they may give you the advice by saying you're not me, I'm different. In sha Allah, I'm going to make her the best person on earth. And subhanAllah, in a couple of years ago, in hajj, I met a couple.

The sister said that, you know, I only accepted Islam this year, we've been married for 30 years, for 30 years, and only accepted Islam this year. So you keep trying for so many years, Allah subhanaw taala knows whether it will work or not. And then you worried about the fate of your children. I made the girl when I was teaching at the university in the States, she introduces herself to me and she said her name is it's it's a Muslim name. I don't want to say that. Then obviously, out of curiosity, I asked her to say, you know, that sounds like an Arabic and a Muslim name. She says yes. Because my father is Muslim. And my mother is Christian. I said, okay, and then

I, you know, I got to know that they are separated. And she told me that she followed a she went with her mother, and she followed her mother's faith or whatever. How do you feel about it as a Muslim?

And if you know, a time machine, and it takes you back? Would you still make the same decision? Would you still fall in love and say, but I love her. You know, I'm not saying the person is bad, she's good. But for somebody else, you know, this is this is so common, especially in many parts of Africa as well. You find mixed families, you know, where one of the parents not necessarily the man, sometimes it's even the woman is a Muslim. Yeah. And and the and the husband is a Christian. You know, this, of course, this is haram. But you find this is very common. I have a case today with a woman and she's a doctor, she got married to another doctor, even though many people reminded her

that the Quran says No, and it's not permissible in any certain any madhhab. You know, this is what Allah said. She said, You guys have to be open minded, and I'm gonna make a Muslim, etc. And then after several years of pusher, she decided to go through divorce, and it was a turmoil. And she is saying that I ended up eating pork. I ended up drinking with them in the parties in order to please his family and to mingle with the family and make them feel like a stranger. But no matter why try it, I always looked like strangers. So most of them, you know, so, you know, this is, as I mentioned, they're in Africa. They call it Christmas. Yeah, because they have they say they have

Christian, half Muslim. Yeah, of course, we know from a religious perspective, this is it can't exist. You know, you either Christine or you are looking for this Sakina for the peace of mind. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said nothing a believer can earn and benefit after accepting faith and becoming righteous than having a good spouse. And in this case, he said a good wife. So when he sees her, she pleases Him. She's nice looking. Okay, not necessarily a beauty queen, but she's beautiful. Okay, she pleases Him. And if you travel the way she goes, his family, his wealth, his children, and she goes her own chastity. She's a modest woman. She's not a woman who is outgoing

and to the extent that she has friends, and he's always worried, what is she doing? Whom is she with? And so on. Okay, so such woman is the biggest gain. Also, likewise, how many times people call sisters gone and say that, you know, I'm looking for divorce of hola because my husband does. My husband watches porn. My husband has outside marriage relationship. My husband is never satisfied with me. He's always looking for haram. And the thing is, she knew beforehand he is like that, but she was hoping that he will change. She says I'm sorry. I fought the whole world. I even boycott my own parents. I married without the consent of my guardian. I disobeyed my father. I disconnected my

family for my family for him. But he turned me down. And he's treating me like, like a trash. I hear that all the time. So heavy so hey, hey.

What do you see? It is not only what are your

Hot fields, whatever you are attracted to the look, the company, the conversation and going out and you feel like you live in a love story. There are a lot of major factors that you got to keep in mind before making the decision. A lot of girls, email me call me and send questions to ask her that, you know, is it halal to marry a Shia guy? Fat number one we do not generalize when we say Shia, you know, we don't say they are all such and such. But I just want to ask you one question. When you know that somebody who would be cursing your mother on daily basis, you know that beforehand, he hates your mother so much. And you still marry him. And you're hoping that he will

take you to a mother and connect with her. It's not going to happen. When you know that somebody who curses Aisha Radi Allahu anha house or the Allahu anha and the fathers and most of the companions of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and you're still hoping that I'm going to change him. I'm going to make him a Sunni. I'm going to make it he can marry a girl of his type and you marry not just a Sunni Muslim boy, but a righteous person, alright yourself husband righteous father. So that you know in case that your Eman goes low, he helps you out to increase the level of your Eman and the husband likewise, when he marries a woman who is righteous and belongs to a righteous family. She

will definitely help him out to improve as one you know Allah describes them as garments in the Quran. You know, he says they love this idea when nearly

when Tom Lee bass, hula horns, you know, this is the bass and my the undershirt is Lee bass. The closest thing to your body is your undergarment and it's called the bass.

You know how this is explained? The Prophet sallallahu sallam said in the hadith of our Raja elevens energetic and he should not show your aura to anyone what is your hour the hour for a man between the navel to the knees. Okay. You're not supposed to show it to no one. Even when you sit in before your dad, not only your mom and your sister, your siblings, your parents cover up your IRA. But before your wife

you and her are only one thing who Nellie Basler come when to Milliband salon, they are your garments and you are to them their garments and that's why the prophets Allah Allah Salah more severely against after becoming like garments, by the way the air doesn't say like leather, it says they are your garments are actually your garments, your cover up, you know, the conceal your false your drawbacks, your shortcomings, they protect you exactly upon so whatever happens, whatever goes on behind closed doors is not supposed to be revealed to no one shall not even to your siblings, not even to your friend zone, you're having coffee together, watch a movie your close friends. You don't

say last night me and wife did this and this and this and this. And last night we'll try it a new sexual position. This is absolutely haram it's a major sin. The Prophet sallallahu Arias was warning once the Companions again is such behavior.

I said be careful. So how have you not done so? So somebody said oh yes, they do men and women. So the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, Oh, that's such like a Satan male and female Satan's they met across the street, and they have sexual relations in front of everyone.

And now you become like shaytan and he expose yourself and you expose your spouse? Nope. Subhanallah that is absolutely forbidden. You know, unlike somebody who displays their underwear Subhanallah before people no one no one who's wise and nice and modest. No one should should share anything that goes on in the privacy of their bedroom while share in bed with anyone else just

shake I'm sorry to put you there Subhan Allah very informative points upon are very important points you've been through today. Thanks for joining us again, you're most well and inshallah next episode we'll pick up where we left off and carry on so make sure you join us next time for another episode of the thick of love. A salami craft Allahu Allah Katha