Social and Family Conflicts 01 Incorrect Intentions

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari


Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

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AI: Summary © The importance of maintaining family ties and avoiding friction in the Muslim culture is emphasized. The cause of family conflict and issues, including family members' problems and issues within their families, is discussed. The importance of practical measures and guidance on behavior is emphasized, along with the need for personalized guidance to avoid problems. The importance of fulfilling family and community intentions to avoid family problems and issues with violence is emphasized, along with the importance of not wasting money and returning small small acts. The speakers stress the need to show gratitude and appreciation for people who have made small small acts.
Transcript ©
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Bismillah learn your walk Morne you're walking

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through many Rahim

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hamdulillah Ahmed who want to start you know who want to start a pharaoh who want to study

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when I was a bit lucky to Adam initially and fusina Woman sejati I'm Alina Mejia de la who follow Malala woman you live in Hoefler ha de Allah.

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Or shadow Allah ilaha illallah Hula, hula hula Cherie Keller or shadow Anessa Yidden or heavy burnable water now, you don't know Mohammed Abdullah su Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala Sayidina Muhammad wa ala Ehrlichia or even oppo hearin Sahaba de Edgerrin. coolamon Tebbe

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in Edo MIDI Allahumma aluminum ion fauna one final reminder I'm Tina was in our element Subhanak Allahu Muda, Illumina Illuma antenna in Cantera demon Hakeem

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restructures Brothers Sisters Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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I welcome all of you once again to my daily discourse on the topic, family and social conflicts,

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causes and solutions,

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family conflict, family problems, family frictions, show up in Arabic causes the US verb and their solutions, the remedies the Elijah as verbal Shafi or Elijah to her.

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Those of you who have been following this program for the past couple of days, you may recall that I discussed briefly in the past two days the importance of maintaining family ties the importance of maintaining kinship, the importance of

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being courteous and cordial towards other people

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the testability and the sinfulness of breaking ties with your fellow Muslims and specifically your relatives

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and your

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family members. We talked about this issue and as an introduction, I discussed this topic and the importance of it in great depth and detail over the past couple of days in light of many verses of the Quran and many Hadith of the messenger of allah sallallahu dialler either he were an early he was he was salam mentioned the verse of the Quran was a tabula rasa Aluna he will Erhan and the many Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam from Al Imam Al Bukhari Rahim Allah has book that will move forward and some other Hadith from elsewhere from sahih al Bukhari Sahih Muslim and elsewhere regarding the importance of maintaining family ties, and not being involved in

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argumentation, friction, disputes, quarrels, and avoiding them. And then I talked about especially in the month of Ramadan, that's where we need to start, literally, we need to start in the month of Ramadan, and without a doubt, avoid friction and argumentation and disputes. In the month of Ramadan. I talked about the Hadith which says, which recorded by Muhammad in his Muslim minimum effort on that a believer is a place of Abode of love, I talked about living with the love and peace and harmony with others. So this was all discussed in quite a bit of detail in the past couple of days.

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Now, as I mentioned yesterday, that I want to move on to

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causes and solutions, practical solutions, because as I said, many Muslims today unfortunately, many Muslim families, unfortunately, fortunately find themselves in a lot of bother, they find themselves in a lot of problems. family conflicts are prevail and all over the Muslim communities and all over the different Muslim lands in different places.

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And as I said, I would not be exaggerating if I was to say that there's total chaos and anarchy in terms of family relationships.

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We find I mean, I myself experience a lot of people generally on on a regular basis, contacting me and asking me for advice and I'm sure many of the Imams have many of other massages and mosques and many are Adama and the many shoe and the many great learned and influential and wise people of the community. Likewise, they are contacted by people on a regular basis.

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is complaining about problems within the family. And unfortunately, we find ourselves in a situation in a time where the family is greatly in endangered, it is in danger

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of collapsing, because we have too many conflicts, too many problems. So this is a reason why I chose this topic. What are the causes, we move we are moving on to insha Allah Now the causes the US verb. In Arabic We say a suburb, the plural of suburb,

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a suburb, a shark, the causes of friction, causes of disunity in the family. And as I said, not limited to the family, but generally within the Muslims, as well in our Muslim societies within Muslims, not just families, but families and relatives. And generally within the Muslims, we find a lot of argumentation disunity. And we find a lot of quarrels and disputes and friction and problems, but specifically, family religion within the family. So as I said, I want to tackle this from a general perspective as well. And specifically, concentrate more on the family.

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What are the as Bob, what are the causes? What are the main reasons what are the root causes?

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One by one, we're going to look at them and I'm not going to show I'm not going to mention the list. Because if I tell you the list, I mean I have I mean I myself I don't know the list the causes myself right now. And actually, as we go on in sha Allah in this blessed month of Ramadan, more and more things will come into my mind and I will end up with a list I don't know myself at the moment, I have five six things in mind, maybe I may end up mentioning 10 causes each cause each reason that this is a particular major reason that causes people to fight specifically within the family. And these are the solutions because we need practical measures, practical steps solutions, so that in

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sha Allah we have a peaceful, cordial, harmonious family atmosphere, and we live with peace and love and harmony with one another in sha Allah, Allah Allah that is the hope and that is the intention and that is the desire mine and inshallah yours as well. So

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what are those causes?

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We're going to talk about the first cause today.

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Before I do go on, to mention the first cause root reason

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what I will say right now, now one of the causes is definitely not I'll tell you what is not going to be a major cause and reason for family disputes. I have a lot of causes. And a lot of reasons. The one thing that doubt is not part of my list is you know what?

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Black magic.

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Black Magic. According to some people, black magic is the root cause for every problem. Unfortunately, seriously, it's in our societies. I just want to talk just briefly a few minutes on this.

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I am not dis regarding and denying

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that black magic exists. I'm not denying that for one moment.

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It's in the Quran. How can you deny it? Black magic magic exists. So in Arabic, and in the auto language and in the Asian community, they like to use the term jugal.

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Sahara in Arabic, Allah talks about

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the Babila Haruto Omar root OMA you aluminum in Haddon heights Yahuda in nananana finetune further attack for so I'm not denying it, it does exist. But it does not exist to the point that we think it exists.

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And I am honestly appalled by the fact that we as especially the Asian Muslim community, every problem, it's black magic. Your daughter doesn't want to marry someone someone's done something on her. Your son does is gone off track.

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Someone's done something. No, nobody's done anything on how you yourself have done something on him. Because you did not bring him up properly. Islamically this time he tarbiyah was not done.

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Nobody's done nothing on him. If your son is in drug abuse, somebody has done something. It's easy way to come out of it. It's an easy way too late. You see, the easiest thing for human being to do is lay blame on other people rather than than your own self. That's That's how humans work. I myself, I like to point fingers at other people pointing the fingers of blame at others. But forget my own self. It's an easy way out. It's an easy solution.

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Right and this is a reason why many of us any problem husband wife not getting on marital problems. They could be

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101 million reasons why there are marital problems,

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except black magic, but we don't even think of them straight away, someone's done something, someone's sitting in some part of some world, right? sitting there ready, you know, spending 24 hours doing black magic on you. They have nothing else to do in life just to you know, just to black magic on you because you're so important, right? I'm not saying as I said, I'm not denying it. People do do that. But seriously, think for a moment. Brothers and sisters, we are intellectual people. Allah subhanho wa Taala has given us a call. He has given us intelligence. We need to use our intelligence. Don't get don't get into this situation where your your uncle, your your clouded,

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your mind is clouded. And the only thing that you see is black magic. Anything in the in your life. From the moment you wake up till the time you go to sleep. You had a cup in your hand you fell down, somebody black magic, come on. You tripped over black magic.

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Someone you got late to risk to get somewhere black magic, who's the I know, I know. Like this one brother called me once. And he says that it slowly started. But at first he was like he was situation marital situation. And then slowly, slowly, gradually, you know, he thought more and more things in his life were controlled by people who are doing black magic. To the point he came to a state this is a brother that

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you know, he called on I haven't spoken to for a long time. But he contacted me

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that he was the whole life. He just mentally he was so controlled that he thought everything in his life was black magic. Anything and he used psychology, he had a psychological problem. Because every problem not just a problem, you know, basic stuff of life. This world Allah said, in America through usara there's good and bad in this world. There's happiness, there's bliss, and there's what? sadness and sorrow the way Allah has created this world. You get both. You get both. Allah has created three islands, three worlds. Jana is just for happiness, bliss, namah, gift bounty, pleasure enjoyment, nothing, nothing else. Hellfire. May Allah save us all.

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is nothing but sadness, sorrow, punishment, torture. That's it.

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This world dunya Allah subhanaw taala has created with a combination of both.

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We all have our fair share of happiness and sadness. Some have more happiness, less sadness, some have more sadness and less happiness. It's just the way Allah has made his Taksim his division, his distribution. But every person and MBR I should do nursing Bella and an MBA from Milan Thurlow file and through the Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the most tested people, the ones who faced the most severe of tests, trials, tribulations or the prophets than the ones closest to them than the ones closest to them. Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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So we have to learn to live with difficulties that we face and that come our way, because that's the Sunnah of Allah who subhanho wa taala. In this dunya we all have our fair share of problems. That's life. We have to get on with it. We have to get on with our lives. If there are marital problems in your marriage between husband or wife, look at the practical solutions. Don't say okay, black magic. If there are some other problems, sometimes people are psychologically affected. Psychological problems, mental problems, it's not always ghost and Jin, possessing you 99% of the time, it's not black magic. 99 of the times people just mess around sometimes, you know, like, I know it was case

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where incident where a you know, daughter in law didn't want to live with a mother in law, right? And she said, there's a black magic in the house that you know, I can't live in the house and she come on, it's just a joke. And then when you when you get overwhelmed by this whole issue of black magic, everything in the life will be black magic for you. Anything. As I said, a spoon drops on the floor, you will think it's black magic. And then you will point fingers at every single person. Anyone who didn't, you know, even smile at you, you'll think she's done black magic on you or he's done black magic on you. Someone who didn't even smile at you. You met her on the road and you had a

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bit of grumpy face. You think ah, it could be her. And then it could be her should be her. And then it is her it is definitely her. Stuff it Allah. According to Islam, this false accusation, the punishment for that in an Islamic country not here in an Islamic country where the laws of Islam are enforced.

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Don't take this in your hands not here. In wearing the laws. The Islamic law says that's false accusation and the person would be whipped at lashes

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as false accusation you cannot blame or point fingers at anyone that they have done black magic on you unless you have absolute Clear, white and black proof. If you don't, then you are destined to be wept at times and you've committed a major sin, which you must for which you must repent and make Toba to Allahu SubhanaHu dialler.

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Think about this

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with intelligence with with the right frame frame of mind. We live unfortunately in the within the specialist specifically in the Asian community. I come across this a lot and it's really saddening, that Muslims.

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I'm going to talk about causes of friction causes of problems and fights and disputes, right? These look at these reasons. Could it be one of these reasons why we're fighting and arguing?

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All of us, I'm talking about all of us.

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But no, we don't want to know those reasons. straightaway, black magic, someone did something somewhere sitting in some part of the world. You know, just sitting there, they don't, they don't have nothing else to do except just think about you, right.

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And then when we when we are vulnerable like that.

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Unfortunately, there are a lot of dodgy people out there.

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And I'm going to be frank, unfortunately, there are a lot of dodgy people out there ready to loot you take money out from you from your pocket. And from me there are a lot of people that you get fraudsters in every department right? In every area and sphere of life. This in terms of trying to claim that they can do a large and they can cure you never even go this seriously. Never even go the I really feel for your brothers and sisters. This is I'm telling you read from the depths of my heart as a sincere no see her advice. Don't spend a penny for anyone yet spend money for herbal remedy, spend money for

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you know, some medication, no problem, spend money for that. But do not spend money. And do not give anyone money who says you know what, oh, you've got some marital problems, or you've got black magic and all sorted out and you know, bring this down and then look into this. And can you see something look into the mirror, and something looks like you know, you know what I can right now I can figure out anything that I'm thinking about in the mirror.

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I can think about I can think about it. I can see if someone shows me a mirror or shows you a mirror and says looking there look, think think think and look, you'll definitely see something you know what?

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You can think about anything. And look, you can see that in the mirror. It's just it's mind games.

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All total rubbish, total rubbish. Seriously, just wasting your money. If you have money like that, give it to charity, spend it to third world countries. But you know, because we are vulnerable people who are and I understand where do Muslim brothers and sisters are coming from as well. I understand where they're coming from because they are vulnerable. When you're vulnerable. These people prey on your vulnerability. Prey prey. Minh is not pra YPREY. They prey on your vulnerability. They are sitting and it's a multi million industry. People make loads of amounts of money, loads amounts of money on this. Because everybody's got problems. Our topic is family

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conflicts and solutions. Why am I talking about it because we all have problems, a lot of family problems. So they know that the pupil will definitely face problems and people will face problems because it's part and parcel of life. So they're just sitting there preying on people's vulnerability. And when people are weak and vulnerable, they're stressed in life. They have problems. They don't get on well with their husbands with their wives. They want people to talk to the spin anything and everything. But are people who have actually made 1000s and 1000s 5060 70,000 pounds.

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And people call them some Molana. They're not even a Mallanna you know what I want to know is how to Biller, his mouth biller. This is one brother, the one chef was relating that he met he knew a brother from one city who was actually a carpenter and a painter and you know he was doing some work domestic work like that. He wants went to another city for some talk or for some program and he found out that local people are saying that oh, we have this great piercer Maulana sub doing some kind of diaries and some you know remedy in his like, especially Sunday afternoons after Lucha is his time when people make appointments, people go and see him. So we let's go and see him as well.

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You can just do do or you can just make Salaams to him. You've you've come as a chef to our city as a guest. So we'll take you there. So the chef who said Okay, let's go go and see him. And he went and saw. So let's go meet him. Let's just pay us alarms and just meet him and say Salama,

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Then we'll then we're gonna go somewhere.

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I saw a line of people 1520 people waiting one by one appointment system to go and see this big, huge, you know, his healer, spiritual healer.

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And when he went and saw him use the painter guy from the shark sitting. So he goes, What are you doing here? You know, since since when did you become a healer, because the day I, you know, he said it was the day I left painting,

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so Han Allah, anyone can do that I'm not giving you ideas, but you can just go into one of the cities and just act like some you know what you have to do. If you haven't got a beard just grow a beard, right? Or something nowadays, you don't even need to grow beard but if you haven't just grow a beard. Just wear like an AMA on your head, make sure you've got a massive Sobha in your hand you know sub hairs like the prayer bead, what we call this be

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massive prayer bead in your hand and just wear some scarves and things like that and and activate and put some perfume on and activate spiritual and just pretend everyone to to be something that you're healing people.

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All the villa, you can make millions of pounds. And I'm not saying that, you know, there was a report on the BBC website recently. I don't know if some of you saw this report. It was on BBC website, a report that talked about in detail.

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People who were that I think the title was scam healers. That was the title on BBC website. I think fraud fraudsters or scam healers. And they actually singled out this is on BBC they actually singled out two cities. One was less than the other was Birmingham. And they actually had undercover reporters going and just pretending to you know, having some problems in their lives. And they actually found out people that they were just come healers

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there was no substance. And they said that this problem is specifically more within the Asian community, within the Muslims, the Hindus and the Sikhs, with 1000s of pounds and a lot of money is spent.

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A lot of money is spent on people, by people on trying to get themselves healed.

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So seriously, this is something an issue you know, that we really need to tackle and we really need to be careful of. Do not waste your money for the sake of Allah Allah subhanho wa Taala dear beloved brothers and sisters, do not waste your money. Don't think every problem you have in life, any family problem, any medical problem, don't think it's not magic. Don't think it's black magic. Every time there's a problem, we think it's black magic. As I said, this is a problem in the Asian community not just restricted to Muslims, Asian cross board, Asians meaning Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus it's a problem.

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And for is a very unfortunate situation, get some medical help go to a doctor, get yourself checked out from a doctor. There might be some times some people who are slow in the head or something might just be a psychological problem they just been created like that. It's a cycle it's not always you know some possessing being possessed by some supernatural power or some some exterior being or some gene or some ghosts we do believe in ghosts because it's in the Quran. We can't deny it. There's there's a whole Surah Surah Dolgin but it's not always that the case. And definitely not black magic. Every problem we think it's black magic. Every problem in life black magic husband, wives

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don't get on with one another just to sell every you know, your children have gone off track the disobeying the parents are you know what someone's done something someone you know someone who was jealous of us. And because someone's jealous, that's why they've done this. Every problem black magic and wastage of money and resources and time and effort for the sake of Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala Do not waste your money. Do not waste your time. Do not waste your effort on these kinds of things for the sake of Allah. Look at the real causes. It's very easy to blame Blackmagic for every problem we have, make dua to Allah subhanaw taala How should you give a talk once on this

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getting our problem solved

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by making dua ultimately everything is in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala we pray to God, you know,

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we we make dua and that solves our problems.

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There are two as remedies in the Quran and Hadith given to us by the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Look, look up the you know, the Quran and look in the Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. There are some applications. There are none of those mentioned by the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. But without a doubt, don't think that every problem that you have in life is black magic. And as I said, it's a big problem within the Asian community. So therefore

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that's one

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reasonable cause I'm not going to talk about and I just thought I briefly briefly mentioned that inshallah

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we have many causes of family problems, causes of friction and their solutions. And Inshallah, what I'm going to do is because now I'm going to take an early break, we'll take a break. And

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after the break, because I want to start the topic or and I want to move on to the first cause of friction, the first reason have family problems and family conflicts, and then we'll look at the solution inshallah. So, we'll take a break, and after the break, we'll carry on to the low head

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to La

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Salaam Alaikum, Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh. Welcome back to listeners sha Allah carrying on on our discussion on family conflicts, causes and solutions. Now move on to the first cause, the first root cause and the first reason why we have family problems and we have social problems, we have conflicts within the society, and what are the solutions?

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The first cause and the first root

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that when we maintain ties with people, when we even be good to people, when we maintain ties of relationship,

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we have the wrong intention. In other words, the first root cause of family conflicts is

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incorrect intention, incorrect intention having the wrong intention.

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You see, when we look at all the religions of the world,

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all the religions of the world actually tell us and encourage us to be good towards other people. I mean, there's not just all the religions, but every human being if you ask anyone in the world, they'll tell you yes, you must be good towards your relatives and your cousins and your parents and your children and your siblings and your husband and your wife. I mean, it's it's it's not rocket science. It's an accepted fact of life. Everybody tells you, every religion every community, every human being will tell you that you must fulfill the rights of your family members, you must look after your relatives and your relationship to your relations and your family members. However, the

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unique part within Islam, the uniqueness in the teachings of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which is unique with Islam, and only Islam says this is that

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it's a principle that the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has given us in terms of relationships. We take this principle in our hearts and in our minds, and we act upon it properly, seriously, we act upon it. And we don't go against this or soul, this castle this principle.

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We will never have family problems and what is that principle is that whenever we do anything for anyone, we do it for the sake of Allah who Subhana who are Dayana and no one else and nothing else. Well, nothing else. Anything we do. It's for the sake of Allah for the pleasure of Allah Allah subhanahu wata Allah to please Allah only to please Allah. When we are good to our parents see, this is the intention is the intention plays a very important part in a Muslims life. The first Hadith of the Sahai of Imam Al Bukhari Radi Allahu Anhu and many other books, in Nirmal MaryLu be neared actions are by the intentions. If we do something, the reward and the sin will depend on the

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intention behind that action in nominal Melbourne yet, we need to correct our intentions. We need to correct our intentions at the moment. Our intentions are incorrect, we need to correct the intention behind the three hernia. We need whenever we do things for people, what is the principle we do it for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala for the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala only to please Allah when we maintain ties with our family members, we do it for the sake of Allah when we are good to others we are doing for the sake of Allah, we should not be doing things for other people, for the sake of

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showing other people. We should not be waiting for a return. We should not be waiting to be compensated or be or be shown gratitude, who should not expect anything in return. We should not wait to be appreciated and that's the biggest problem.

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You see because Islam is telling us correct your intention. If you are good with people, if you look after your children, it's for the sake of Allah. If you are good to your parents, for the sake of Allah, it's not a transaction. There's a hadith actually in the unenviable Morford of Imam and Buhari where, you know, the report the Hadith states that even if your parents are not good towards you, you as child

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One must be good towards them because it's not a transaction. It's not a deal. It's not a transaction. We are not good to others because they are good to us. We are not good to others because because we expect them to be good to us in return. No, we do it for the sake of Allah.

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We we maintain ties, we are good to our brothers, our sisters, our siblings, our parents, our children, our spouses, we are good to our husbands and our wives and our grandparents and our relatives and we maintain ties, we should be maintaining ties for the sake of Allah who subhanaw taala no other objective no other aim no other goal, no other purpose. No other Moxa in mind, for the sake of Allah, not even for them. Think of think about this, not even for them.

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Think about this property. When we are good to others. It's not even for them. When you are good to your brother. It's not even for them. It's for the sake of Allah. When you are good to your sister when you are good to your children. It's not even for them. It's not even to please them. You might think not even to please them. Yes, not even to please them is for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. And you know what the evidence for that is, is because the evidence for that is that if by pleasing them that is disobedience to Allah, then it's sinful to please that lotta I tell him in female seehotel Holic there is no obedience to the creation of Allahu subhanaw taala

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wherein there is disobedience to the Creator.

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You can't please a creation of Allah in the process, you displease Allah, You can't do that. So it's not even for them. It's to please Allah, whatever we do. So and that's one of the main problems today. Why do we have family problems? Why do we have conflicts is because when we are good to someone, we wait for appreciation, we want to be appreciated.

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We want to be appreciated. We wait for thanks, we expect a return. That's the root of every problem.

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We give a gift to someone, and we think we wait. And if they don't say thanks to us, if they don't appreciate it, then we'll turn around and say, This person didn't even say just like hola to me. Next time you think twice before giving a gift, your reward is gone. There's no reward in giving a gift.

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If you're a husband, treat your wife well for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. Even if she's bad to you, just treat her well. You will be rewarded. You will be rewarded in sha Allah. And if you're a wife, Sister, don't wait for appreciation. Do it for the sake of Allah. If you're cooking food for your husband for Iftar don't wait for him to say that praise your food. I mean, he should do that that's between him and Allah.

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But that doesn't mean that if he did not say mashallah, you cooked really well. Tomorrow, you'll think twice about cooking. And tomorrow, you won't have the heart in your cooking. He didn't even thank me or he didn't even appreciate because you did not do you did not cook that food to be appreciated or be thanked by him. Human beings, they give me a thanks of human beings and nothing. You did it for the sake of your Lord and your Creator. You did it for Allah subhanaw taala and his acceptance and his appreciation is far greater. Why do you want to waste your reward.

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So if you've done something for your husband, your reward is in the Arcor you've done it for Allah will accept it, Allah will recompense you, Allah will give you the reward. Do it for the sake of Allah don't wait to be appreciated. Likewise, parents children generally in the family, one of the major root cause problems is that we you know, we do things to be appreciated.

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And that's the route that's the root

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of every problem. We are good to others

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so that they are good to us. We are good to other people will treat others well. If they cheat as well. If someone treats us well, then we treat them well. This is like a transaction. It's a business deal. And you know what? That's not really maintaining ties because the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the hadith of sahih al Bukhari, Bourbon Lacell wasabi McAfee the Hadith the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Imam Al Bukhari mentions this in his sahih lasal while soloable McCarthy laser was suitable McAfee with a Kindle worse than a loving either cote Rahim who was

00:34:40--> 00:34:59

the one who maintains ties because people are maintain ties with him. That's not the real that's not truly maintaining ties. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says that maintaining ties is not when people are good too. And when people maintain ties with you, you maintain ties with them. That's natural.

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That's normal. That's like being a human being you would do that if you weren't even doing that, then you would probably be an animal or something else. What's the big deal in that if someone's good to you, you are good to them. If someone's good to me, I am good to them. What's the big deal in that? There's no big deal. That's basic. That's basic, natural instinct of the human being, you would be good to someone who's good to you. So that's not really maintaining ties. The messenger sallallahu alayhi salam says, Lay cell walls solo Bill McAfee lay cell wall so noble McAfee, the one who maintains ties. In return, he is not truly maintaining ties, while Akindele Walsall, Allah de la

00:35:40--> 00:36:19

cote Rahim who was the one when people cut him off, he maintains the ties when his relatives cut off ties with him, or with her, she or he still maintains ties, that's the real reward. And that's the real and actual person who is maintaining ties for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala not waiting to be appreciated, not waiting to be thanked, not waiting to be shown any gratitude and sugar. Don't wait. Don't expect anything in this in this life. And you know what, I'll tell you something. And this is not just from me, this is from some of my teachers and this is actually chef mode on a show every time we are him Hola. He mentioned this in some of his books. He said, you know, what, do you

00:36:19--> 00:36:20

want to be happy?

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And I'll ask you that question. Do you listeners do you want to be happy in life, you can't get total happiness, a life without any sadness and sorrow. That's not possible. That's in Jannah Insha Allah, but generally more happiness. You want to be happy. I want to be happy. I'm sure you all want to be happy. The greatest ingredient, the greatest recipe. Right now the sisters are probably looking at some other ingredients and recipes in the kitchen. But I'll tell you another ingredient and another recipe, the greatest ingredient and the greatest recipe to be happy in this life.

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To be content in this life Subhanallah write this down on your hearts, sisters and brothers.

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The greatest recipe to be happy and I'm sure you all want to be happy is have is that don't expect anything from any of the creation of Allah subhanaw taala

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you will be happy to cut off all expectations for them from the creation of Allah.

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Because when you did something good to someone and they did not

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give you the return they never appreciated. They never showed any thanks and gratitude. You weren't expecting it anyway. You did not expect anything so you will not be sad. Just cut off all your expectations. If someone's good to them think it to be a bonus consider it to be a bonus think wow I did not expect this and handling Allah Subhan Allah Masha Allah Allahu Akbar, Baraka, Allah, great, man, I wasn't expecting this. consider it to be a bonus, if someone's good to consider it to be a bonus. But if someone did not give you any return or was not good to you consider that to be the norm. And don't expect anything, she will be happy. Because if you did not expect anything,

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and then people were not good towards you, then you weren't expecting it anyway. So you will not become sad, there'll be no sadness in your life, you will not be miserable. And you will do good things to other people for the sake of Allah. For the sake of Allah. Don't expect anything from anyone. And this was actually a one of the two hours of our beloved messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would make dua, Allah who made the call be Raja waka Raja I am and see what Allah who made Shall we call B Raja Lakota or J. M And si work Oh Allah, place in my heart, all my expectations with you. Oh Allah, place in my hands sorry, in my heart.

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All my expectations with you? What about Roger e unmin. See work and cut off all my expectations from people besides you. All your expectations, all our expectations, brothers and sisters have to be with Allah subhanaw taala we ask him We beg him. We want anything we ask Allah our expectations should be with Allah. Not from the creation of Allah, Allah subhanahu wa taala.

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So that's the greatest recipe of being happy. Don't expect anything, don't expect in return. And as I was saying, the major root and the main that this is the first cause root of every problem and family conflicts that we have, because we wait for gratitude.

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If people didn't thank us, they didn't appreciate us. They didn't appreciate what we've said or did for them. We feel saddened.

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Did we say, You know what he she didn't even say thanks to Shimon thank me. All the rewards disappeared SR gone out of the window, no reward. And you know what, if you think like that, then what will happen next time you will think twice in maintaining ties. You'll think you know what, there's no benefit in being good to that person because they don't even appreciate

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over the villa, how can you say there's no benefit benefit is in the author or the reward you see, in the arc era, you probably think I wish nobody did anything to me in this world because I wanted everything for the arc era.

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That doesn't mean that you don't get no reward even if someone's good back to you in return.

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Do it for the sake of Allah subhanho wa taala. Our societies today unfortunately, are gripped with formalities.

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Our societies unfortunately, the grips with formalities, and this is why we have problems. It's all its transactions. If someone gave me a gift that I have to give a gift back to them in our wedding time, if they gave us gifts, we have to give them gifts all the villa you know what this is actually in the Quranic terminology, and the Quran, this has been considered to be interesting, usually in Surah, two room verse that in and Allah says woman theta ribbon layer bofi And what Enos if Allah Iago and Allah want it to mean zakat into the dunya watch Allah He for Hula, hula mother a food that this

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practice in our communities where we you know, some people actually have a list that you know what,

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in our son's wedding time, they give us this much they give us this much they give us this much this family gave us this much that family give us this much. So we have to give them back we consider it to be necessary and low. The Quran says that's interest you're paying back, they gave you 500 pounds, so you have to give them 550. Otherwise you think whether you have to, you know, some communities, I think it's a must regardless, you have to pay that back. Whether whether you go and bribe someone, or whether you take a loan, or whatever you do, but you think you have to pay it back out all the biller from the older biller stuff or Allah, that's a transaction. Gift, we give gifts

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as payment, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Hadith, he says to her daughter Habu exchanged gifts, you will increase in mutual love, you're not giving a gift to a fellow Muslim brother and sister. It's such a gesture, such a beautiful gesture, it brings the cards close to one another. It creates love between people. But the condition is that only if it's done for the sake of Allah, only if you've exchanged gifts, or the pleasure for the sake of Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala for the alcara not because they gave you so you have to give them you're going to a wedding.

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And you're giving a small gift.

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Only cash no boxes, please, as they write nowadays.

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And you took out 50 pound note,

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or 100 pounds.

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And you want you to put it in an envelope and write your name.

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And then suddenly you found out you realized, you know what? There's no envelope. You asked your sister. Have you got an envelope in the car? Oh no, no envelope, anybody, anyone in the back, no envelopes, we need to give this 50 pounds.

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We need to put in an envelope and we need to write our names.

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And then you think to yourself, you know what, I don't even know what it is we'll just give it what you know, just they've got a box there or something or some gift, give give them money

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for the sake of Allah but anything, but they won't know that who gave it to they really need to know who gave it.

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It's for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala if you've realized that you can't put your name on that gift, you forgot a pen and you could not write who gave it fine, they'll benefit it they'll they'll be happy with a gift you give it for the sake of Allah don't really need to know who gave it. Last sincerity and that's our first issue here. We need to maintain tests for the of maintain ties for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala we need to bring about a loss and sincerity in our lives. We need to do things for the sake of Allah and everything. Not just this everything. Anything we do. You know, there's a golden word we have in Islam. There's a golden word. It's called the sub.

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What does it call this up in Arabic? You would leave her the scene, Alice and Bob. This up to transliteration I haitch T

00:45:00--> 00:45:51

e i s a b, okay, this up you know what that means? Doing everything for the sake of Allah amazing word. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Hadith sahih al Bukhari and elsewhere he says, Man, Sama Ramadan Iman and Wacka Serban offer Allahumma Amin Danby, Holman armour Ramadan Iman and the Serbian offer Allah who made them be the one who fasted Iman and having your clean and Iman and faith in Allah, wa the Serbian and only for the sake of Allah only for the sake of Allah for his previous sins are forgiven whoever's offered tarawih Salah and clear Malaya and offered pray at night again to conditions Iman and with iman, why the Serb and and with the sub at a sub means only

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for the sake of Allah with Allah's with sincerity. So the solution for our family conflicts and problems the cause is not having the right intention, not having a class and not having sincerity, and trying to do things to show off trying to be good to people as a formality to show people man Salah Yura if I can assure the messenger Salallahu Alaihe Salam says that who ever offered prayer to show people is actually committed chick, you know, Rhea Rhea, which is ostentation, a spiritual disease in the heart. It's called ostentation and we need to remove that that spiritual disease RIA ostentation showing off Allah says are eight and you know the surah which we read

00:46:35--> 00:46:50

are 811 You can hear will be Dean for vertical Libya dominating whether your whole door Miskin for a little more saline and Medina Holman Salah to him sir Hoon Alladhina hyung Euro una. Now not all those people who show off do things to show people

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to show people there's no reward whatsoever, no money whatsoever. And if it's for the sake of Allah, then even a small act even a small gift, even if you give two pounds to your family, or to to your relatives as a wedding gift, but it's for the sake of Allah, you will be rewarded. So if you had authority or the Allahu anhu, one of the great Imams of this ummah, he said Obama in surveyed into Kabira, who near Aruba, Amylin Kabir into Sadhguru, who Nia, how many times there's a small action, a minute action, a small act is made great in the sight of Allah by the intention behind it, and how many a time you have a big action, it's a big deal. You've given 50,000 pounds as donation and

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charity or you've made a massive, you know, contribution. And you've done a great act of a birder who wrote the Hamelin Kevin into severe whoo hoo, near, but the intention behind it, which is that it's to show people there's no loss, there's no sincerity behind it. The act is made small in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala. So one of the first CT scores of our family problems, the first root cause of our family problems is that we do things to show people

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we are not doing it for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala our use this is one of our major, major problems is that you know, the family ties up the relationship the family ties are maintained, for formalities, to show people with the incorrect intention to be shown thanks to be shown gratitude to be appreciated, and wish the solution is correct our intentions, that's the solution, do everything for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala do everything for the sake and for the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala and for no one else.

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I talked about the gifts

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some somebody will have this you know, if they gave us this much money, we must give them this much back.

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If they gave us this gift, we must give them back they invited us for the wedding. So we have to invite them. These are old customs and we need to avoid customs. We need to do we need to maintain ties. We need to be good towards people. We need to make people happy. More than making them happy. We need to make Allah subhanaw taala happy. We should not be waiting for any return. Don't wait for appreciation brothers and sisters.

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Don't be an attention seeker.

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That's one of the major problems who's the attention seeking? Some of us have this problem and we need to tackle it. attention seeking is a major problem for family conflicts. Whether you're a husband, whether you're a wife, whether you're a daughter, whether you're a son, whether you're whoever you are a parent, you seek attention very mature from your children. If you're a wife seeking too much attention from your husband, don't don't and don't do good things to your husband only if he's good

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To you do it for the sake of Allah. Likewise, husband, treat your wives honorably for the sake of Allah, you will gain your reward Allah will reward you in the hero in Jannah, you will gain paradise for being good towards other people.

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Don't wait for any thanks, and any any return from them. And this is the guidance given to us by our beloved messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that everything you do, you do it for the sake of Allah, and that distinguishes Islam from many other religions, that in other religions, they also tell us be good to us people maintain family ties, but Islam tells us that not just that you maintain ties, but you do it for the sake of Allah, there is no worldly motive behind it. And whatever we do, we need to make our intention sincere. And

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how, you know, a question might arise that you know, sometimes we're giving a gift, or we've we're we are visiting someone.

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There's a family bereavement, we go on, pay our wishes, sorry, our respects, someone's passed away.

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Time of death time of Nikka marriage, a time of happiness, someone needs need of some help. We go and visit them, we go for Tassia. All these occasions, we give a gift at the time of marriage? How do we know that our intentions are correct? How do we know we have done it for the sake of Allah or not? I'll tell you how.

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If you gave someone a gift,

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how do you find out that you gave that gift for the sake of Allah, or for the sake of something else, the way to determine this is that after giving a gift, after giving that gift to someone, if you have this thought in your mind, and you wait and you anticipate that the person will say, you know, I'll say thanks to you. So you just ask Allah just like Allah,

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and you wait for that and you crave for it, or he will give you something back in return. Or when he comes to your house, he'll bring something as well.

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If you wait for that, and if you have that desire, and that anticipation in your heart, then that means that that gift was not for the sake of Allah. But if you gave someone a gift, and you just completely forgot about it, you did not even make remind them

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explicitly or implicitly. Now you gave them a gift, you gave someone a gift, you forgot about it, you yourself forgot it, you gave it for the sake of Allah, you did some something good to someone you visited someone, you made a nice gesture to someone about something you did for the sake of Allah you yourself, you forgotten about it, you don't even remember, and you don't wait for anything from that person, no return, if that's the situation, if that's the case in your heart, and that means that you should thank Allah and say, Al Hamdulillah, Al Hamdulillah, whatever God you did, the gift that you gave, or the visitation that you made, or, you know, any good gesture that you you

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made, it was for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. It was for the sake of Allah and this will create love. This will create love between the family members, brothers and sisters.

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So everything we do we do for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. And that's the first root cause that our causes of friction, family conflicts, family friction, problems, why do we have them I'm just going to summarize and time is, you know, short as well. So I'm not going to go into the second cause. But this is the summary of the first cause the first major reason why we have family conflicts, and we have problems within our family, families in our societies. What is the main cause that our intentions are not correct?

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We, we don't maintain ties.

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For the sake of Allah, our intention is correct. Therefore, what is the solution? The solution is that we need to maintain ties for the sake of Allah. We need to maintain ties and we need to be good to other people for the pleasure of Allah for the sake of Allah to please Allah subhanaw taala not to show off, not waiting to for anything in return, not expecting a return, not waiting to be appreciated, not waiting to be shown any thanks and gratitude, okay? We don't expect any return we don't expect to be compensated. If we do that Inshallah, our problems will disappear. The root for every dispute is that people wait for return. Remember, that's a golden rule. Root for every problem

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is that we wait for a return. Remember the Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam where he said, lay Salewa Solomon McAfee, Allah Kindle was a lady that was the one who maintains ties

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to be compensated is not really truly maintaining ties. Our expectations should be only for the sake of Allah subhana wa

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to Allah, if we inshallah act upon this golden rule sha Allah many of our problems, family problems will be solved in sha Allah who died.

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So that was the first root cause and the solution solution is to see who Nia correcting our intentions, bringing about loss and sincerity in our lives, working on our hearts, Bringing last sincerity Allah says one of only two elderly Abdullah meclizine Allahu Deen. We have been ordered to have lost in sincerity, whether when we are offering salah or we are fasting, or we are maintaining ties in every aspect of our life, we have to be sincere, sincere means

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whatever we do the only objective and the only aim and goal that we have is the pleasure of Allah subhanahu wa taala nothing else if we bring that golden rule in our lives Sharla will be happy in this world and we'll be happy in the next world. It's a golden rule I cannot emphasize this enough. So I'm going to end with this inshallah we have like about 10 minutes or odds for Iftar time. So use that time utilize time in sha Allah and making dua supplication to Allah subhanaw taala. Make dua for yourselves for your family members, for your loved ones, video ones, don't forget us here as well me to have for me and my family inshallah. Until tomorrow, tomorrow's Thursday, as you know,

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Monday to Thursday, every week 645 till 4am Doing these discourses in these talks on the topic, family conflicts, causes and solutions. Today we looked at the first root cause tomorrow I mentioned another cause and then we'll carry on talking about these causes and roots of family conflicts. So psychological for listening, I pray that Allah subhanaw taala grant me the TOEFL inability to practice on what I said. And also may Allah subhanaw taala. grant you the TOEFL, the ability to practice and bringing your life that which was mentioned today would only hurt I was taught through law or Sonoma who was salam ala Sayidina. Muhammad while early he was he was salam. wa salam Wa

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alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh