HOW TO FIGHT LESS AND LOVE MORE!

To begin, I want to share with you a story about a coach that I've been working with and my relationship coaching program. So they had gone on a trip back home to the country that they're originally both from and their parents reside in. And one of the things that had happened on a previous trip and then happened again, on this trip was that when the wife would go visit, and stay with her parents for a period of time and take the kids with her, every time she would call her husband on the phone, he would just be short, and he would be snappy. And he wouldn't say a lot. And as a result of that, when they were trying to make plans, whatever they were going to do, or they're

going to try to meet up, there was a lot of tension that was building up between them. And it got to a point where he would just say, I don't know, I don't care, like whatever, I'll see you basically, when we're gonna go back home, he shut off completely. And of course, hearing his snappy voice is irritated voice and hearing the tension that was in his voice when his wife was trying to call him or talk to him, she shut down emotionally. And so both of them were basically communicating at a bare minimum level, because of the kids and because of their parents, because they had to make plans because they had to coordinate. But they weren't talking anymore as a couple. But when they got back

home, and we were working together one of our sessions, you know, they decided this was something really important for them to talk about, because I didn't, I didn't hear from them at all, where they were on this trip. So I didn't know how things were going. But they'd had this huge blowout fight when they came back home. And so this was the thing when we sat down to talk that they wanted to address. And initially what was really interesting was the husband was just saying that when my wife goes, you know, over to her parents house, you know, she doesn't call me she doesn't check in with me, she doesn't tell me anything. I just feel completely left out, you know, like, I don't even

matter. And then the wife would say, but I was calling you, I was trying to talk to you, I was trying to tell you what was going on. But every time I would call you, you were just okay. You know, like really short and not really engaging in conversation. So she kind of didn't call as much. And of course, she didn't share as many details. And then watch them go back and forth for a minute just well, you didn't really call but yes, I did. Well, you didn't say that, you know, and I was like, Okay, guys, you like timeout. Let's let's take this a little bit deeper. And one of the things that I teach and one of the concepts it's really meaningful to me that really changed my life. I call it

fearless vulnerability. Fearless vulnerabilities definition is basically giving and receiving deep and meaningful love by being physically vulnerable and emotionally vulnerable, despite any deep seated fears that might hold you back. Now, the qualifier for this is that you're in a safe relationship where you're emotionally safe, and you're physically safe. But that ultimately is what fearless vulnerability is, it's to give and receive deep and meaningful love their emotional and physical vulnerability, despite any deep seated fears, which might hold you back. And so I bring this concept when I'm looking at conflict. And here's why. One of the things that I discovered when

people are fighting is that they're rarely actually fighting about the real problem. They seem like they're fighting about one thing. But what I discovered is there's usually three layers of truth to every single argument isn't I'm not talking about like little tiny ones. I'm talking about the ones that are heated, the ones that take time, 15 3050 minutes, two hours, the weekend, that kinds of drag on for weeks, I've discovered that people don't actually know what they're fighting about. If you ask them, they think they know. But when I invite people to go a little bit deeper, something really fascinating happens. And that is they start to discover that there are deeper levels of truth

going on at multiple levels, but the conversation is trying to take place at a level up here. One what's really fueling the argument is much deeper.