Tying the Knot

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Final talk, Glad Tidings Tour, Sri Lanka 2014.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Amina Shivani rajim Bismillahi Rahmani

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Raheem Mena lamea

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fall upon

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me

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in

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shanky

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in

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a nutshell

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in

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shabu

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shabu

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una de la una

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una

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de la

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una hora

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be miskeen

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in

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body

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wanna

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move tackiness?

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Oh

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boo boo. Lila

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while Whoa, whoa

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whoa

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boo boo

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boo

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What's up?

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala l mursaleen. Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ottavino woman. be accepting Eli Ahmed Dean, we praise Allah subhanho wa Taala creator nareesha cherishes, sustainer provider protector of one and all. Owner of entire creation Owner of the Day of Judgment, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the messenger who was free from all evil habits, evil qualities from every bad, the perfect the one who was the most noble of creation.

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highest, the most noble of all prophets, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless all his companions, his entire household, and we ask Allah subhana wa Jalla to bless every single one of us. I mean, my brothers and sisters, a beautiful evening in Colombo this evening, December 2014. We asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to accept from us The Gathering. And we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us forgiveness. I mean,

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what is tying the knot in Islam?

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We hear the term tying the knot, it's English, it's terminology that is used. It's not because a person is tied down, for example, perhaps jailed for a lifetime. So they are now tied down, you know, they say tying the knot, some people's tie, it's so tight that it actually breaks. May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us an understanding, and some people have it so loose like a shoelace, small movement and it's out. So we need to know how to tie this knot correctly in a way that we are fooled with blessings, we have an opportunity to engage in acts of worship that we did not have an opportunity to engage in before tying the knot. This is a gift of Allah, when you are not get

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married, you don't have the rights of a spouse to feel fulfilled and for them to be fulfilled for you. But once you marry, you have in laws Mashallah you need to fulfill their rights. You have you will perhaps have children may Allah bless those who do not have children with children. I mean, you would have a spouse whom you need to take care of. They become first class citizens of the heart. That's how it should be Allah says, woman, Aya T and Hala Polanco

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Nita schooner, oh

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wa Jalla byakko.

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In

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Omi a de facto, from among the signs of Allah subhanho wa Taala is that he has kept for you from amongst you, your spouse's or a spouse, and Allah subhanho wa Taala in order that you may achieve from your spouse, my wife, met and you will perhaps Allah has blessed you with Allah has instilled in the heart, love and Allah has instilled mercy. This is what should be a result of a nikka result of the initiation of the marriage in Islam.

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I'm supposed to feel immediate connection such that I feel the love, I feel the mercy I care for my spouse, and it should be upon the highest level. This is your spouse with the spouse you will have children, these children will be part of the home of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam having children is a great responsibility Subhan Allah we need the globe to progress. reproduction is part of the plan of Allah subhanho wa Taala which is only correct if the couple were married, may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us all and it is our duty to be the role models for our own children to start with. Yes, it's good enough to tell our children Mashallah This is a good person to follow.

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This is a lovely role model. But if we are not role models ourselves for our own children, then we are faltering. We are making a huge mistake. This is why I cut out your bad habits the fact that you are getting married, immediately you need to turn to Allah subhanho wa Taala once again, when I say once again, I mean a movement and the believer should be such that throughout his or her life, he constantly turns back to Allah subhanho wa Adana. The Hadith says khulumani Adama kapa haka. In a boon, all the children of Adam are prone to error, they make mistakes, they commit sin, but the best from amongst those who sin. You know the term hapa means of sinning a person who sins time and time

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again meaning time and again the person is sinning.

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So Allah says a person who sins often

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what would make him the best of the lot, one who repents, often as well. One who turns back to Allah subhanho wa Taala often

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is someone who makes a lot of mistakes.

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May Allah never make us from amongst those who commit sin with the hope of being of achieving mercy because sometimes when we don't understand the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala it can drive us to commit a sin because we don't understand it. So we say let me commit this and now I'm young. When I'm a little bit older, I will go for Hajj and when I go for Hajj, I will ask Allah forgiveness and then Allah will forgive me What if you die tomorrow before you went for Hajj and before you repented? This is why a day should not pass by without you asking Allah forgiveness. Allah forgive me I am human. I am weak. Yama, Grant me goodness, Grant me forgiveness. Be pleased with me.

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strengthen me, grant me the strength to obey you make it difficult for me to

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Make the drop and you will find it will become difficult for you to send or create a barrier between me and sin and Allah whenever there is a good deed make it easy for me make the draft from your heart, you will find that inshallah there will come a time when you will be able to stay away from sin with ease. You asking Allah for help? Yes, it is in the hands of Allah, Allah has given you the capacity, but at the same time, the acceptance to do what is right also lies in the hands of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So there are rights that are to be fulfilled of a spouse. Before you were married, you didn't have the spouse so perhaps you didn't understand the obligation. I was making

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mention of how the children are such a great gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala. But there's no point to say my daughter is gorgeous. And the way you dress her is totally against the instruction of Allah Who gave you the daughter who gave you the son? What type of school have you sent your child to? We are not saying you need to send your child to a school where the education is unacceptable, but something where the more moral values are also held up. The child comes out with responsibility respect, knowing how to speak knowing how to abstain from the evil that is being advertised across the globe. Today, we have drugs, for example that are being pumped across the globe and some say

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there's nothing wrong with this drug. You know what, it's legal, it should be okay, what's wrong, it gives you a bit of a kick and so on. Well, if I were to give you a kick right now it would hurt your bottoms May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us really May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us is a drug cannot be good. If we are telling you that a cigarette is not good. What do you think marijuana is? It's worse May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us really, if we are telling you a cigarette is not good. And the doctors are saying so the medicine is saying so then you should learn to give it up for the sake of Allah. Perhaps that will be your entry into Jenna, you left something forward for

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the sake of Allah the problem with us we will leave it for the sake of our health.

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I'm not saying it's wrong to leave it for the sake of your health, but you can convert abstention into an act of worship by intending the correct intention. I'm leaving it for the sake of Allah. And if you do that for the sake of Allah naturally your health will also be protected. May Allah subhanahu wa taala help us so cut out the bad habits as you are growing older you will have children these children need to look up to you my dad my mom, but that is too busy doing things he's not supposed to do that is still a child he needs to grow up so panela 30 years old and you find people saying grow up man grow up I'm grown I'm fully grown. Grow up in your head in your mind in your

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character in your conduct in your deen in your relation with Allah that is growing up otherwise to grow like wild grass that everyone it happens with everyone my son 14 years old taller than me Mashallah, he's grown up size wise.

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Mashallah, but whether that is a wise size, I don't know. But Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, this is something important. Today they are taller than us. One wonders what they are eating and what's happening when it's asked for buying the food for them. I always used to say, Are you sure there is no fertilizer in your shoes? Something's happening. You know, they shoot up taller than us. May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Bless us what a big responsibility. If you're not prepared to spend time with your children, why did you have children? If you're not prepared to spend time with your wife? If you're too embarrassed to take her somewhere and to spend time with her quality time?

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Why did you get married? Why did you waste somebody's life? If you don't want to talk to her correctly? Why did you marry? Why did you take someone else's daughter Subhanallah This is someone's child. The same applies to the females. If you really did not want to speak properly to your husband, why did you marry you should have been honest, you should have been upright you should have said so from the beginning that look, I'm marrying you. But to be honest with you, I will just look at you without talking. May Allah help us really.

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You need to smile and the smile is an act of worship. When it comes to your fellow Muslim you know your brethren you smile you break into a beautiful smile Mashallah you know, you smile. Imagine if a smile is an act of worship when it comes to fellow human beings. What about when it is your own spouse, it is a far greater act of worship. You need to show your teeth to your spouse and when you grow older you can show your dentures to Mashallah really Subhana Allah for as long as you smile and you know you just smile look at them admire them from top to toe look twice thrice she is not a woman whom you need to lower your gaze from but you don't look at her.

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But the others we look at them head to toe head to toe and we go to the share saying that was only one gaze I didn't look away not yet. But your wife whom you're supposed to praise you're supposed to tell her darling you're gorgeous you know you are Mashallah figure like a trigger the other day we use the term aerodynamic Mashallah you know, Subhanallah beautiful, you see the shapes of the motor vehicles are changing every year. So pan Allah, may Allah bless us, we will praise the shape of the new C class and say wow, that's a baby.

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class I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. We'll look at your wife and tell her Mashallah, you're my baby.

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It's an act of worship. If you're not going to say these beautiful words you're not is probably going to break to be honest with you that not would be so loose that you can't even say a good word. Every time you say a good word, you actually making sure the knot is tight. So my brothers and sisters make sure the knot is tight enough, it mustn't loosen and it mustn't break. You know, when you are too hard, then what happens? The lace if it is a lace, it would break.

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And if you are not bothered at all, then the knot is so loose, that it would actually come apart. May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us. This is why we say you will have qualities in your spouse that you may not like it's normal, they are human beings, human beings were condemned. Do not just want out in two days, five days one month, I recall a wedding without a job where the nigga was done. And they had the walima and the function was full of sin. May Allah forgive us Really? You know, I have mentioned in the past that those who have functions of sin when it comes to their nikka they pay for it some somewhere down the line unless they have engaged in tober. So sometimes, you know, people

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say, look, I had the wrong function. When I was getting married. We had music, we had intermingling, we brought in dances we had so much. It was just a party. Some of them had alcohol, some and it's a celebration. So Pamela have a great segment of your Eman. So Pamela so they say no, I'm worried. I say there is a way out. It's never too late. Even though your marriage was 30 years back 40 years back, some people are paying in the form of their children disobeying them, because the day they tied the knot, they disobeyed the law. So now they say why is my child so disobedient? And I go back and say brother, the day you got married, was there a big ball where people were dancing and Allah

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was you know, forgotten? And they look at you and say,

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What do I do now? My children are forgetting me. They don't want to know me But brother You went wrong. The day you were getting married, if you did it correctly, you listen to Allah, Allah will give you children who will listen to you. Simple. So now what's the solution? We already did it wrong. 30 years ago, 20 years ago, I need a solution. Allah for us is such that there is a solution. What is the solution? Or law when I got married, I did it wrong. Forgive me Allah. Allah forgive me, Allah, Grant me forgiveness and open my doors and Allah says, My worshiper, my creature, I love you so much. At least now you realize what you did was wrong. I forgive you. SubhanAllah.

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You can make amends. Don't lose hope in the mercy of Allah something I did that was wrong in the past. It needed requires me to understand that allows Mercy is greater than my sin. Definitely. Allah's mercy is greater than any sin Subhana Allah. It is only the person who dies in the condition of shield and association of partnership with Allah that they need to be worried. Otherwise we have we have a lord who is most forgiving for as long as we try. We try. You know, you can't have a youngster coming to you and saying, Okay, so I'm on drugs, but I just heard the lies most forgiving. Allah's mercy is bigger than my drug.

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No, don't fool yourself. Perhaps technically you are correct, but you are tempering with the Wrath of Allah with the anger of Allah. This is something we need to understand. So this is why we say we will have bad habits sometimes or habits that might not be my ideal, we might have a small irritation. You know, a person sometimes may not know how to handle a woman and a woman may not know how to handle a man. The nature is a little bit different. We know that sometimes a woman prefers to remain silent for a while and you can just get excited and agitated and irritated and you better talk to me and you lift her up.

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What are you doing you tightening that not so much it's about to break and it will break by the time you put her down? There's no not left. Really tie the knot correctly for the sake of Allah. She's someone's daughter. Would you like someone to do that to your daughter? Your mother, your sister? The answer is no. So watch out. Treat her correctly. She has a nature if you don't know how to handle a woman go for classes prior to marriage. We encourage the whole Ummah here to have marriage classes really coaching What should I do? Subhana Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala goddess ease and goodness because how to treat the opposite sex and to know their temperament to know what they may

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or may not. You know what you will find in the opposite sex important? Very, very important. Some of us you know, we know we know nothing The last thing Subhanallah you get married and you think I'm the boss, Nazi boss, bosses a perfume for like a Allah Subhana Allah Allah bless us. If you are boss, you will be sprayed and you will be sprayed all over the show my brother, may Allah subhanho wa Taala help us remember this. This is Allah This is a gift of Allah upon you. You need to treat a person like a gift like I say, Be patient will condemn Mashallah, you know, when you have when you have a diamond, where do you find it? You will have to mind when you find it initially. It's all

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mixed.

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Stop with stone, you won't know the difference. And you then you need an expert to tell you how many characters disease, can you tell yourself if you haven't studied? No, you probably throw the stone away. And one man says, Hey, hang on, this is a diamond. The same applies in marriage, we want to marry stones sometimes without realizing there is nothing here. And sometimes we leave those that we think are stones just because our parents have told us you know what, Mary here, it's not wrong for your parents to guide you. Remember this, I have to qualify what I said yesterday, remember this, it is not wrong for your parents to guide you in marriage. In fact, it is their duty to guide the

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problem. We were guided already at the age of 11. And we've already fixed our eyes on someone over before the parents came. We've already seen the matter. Father says son, would you like to get married? Daughter? Would you like to get married? And you say yes, I was waiting for the question. And then he comes up and says, Okay, I've got a very good idea for you. I've got some really good proposals, or I've got an idea for you. Perhaps you can listen to me but that I don't mean that type of marriage. Why? I've got someone in my own mind, okay, in that case that you did not involve yourself correctly in the life of your child. So your child has made big decisions without you. You

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are also to share the blame, do not deny it.

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If you had a powerful friendship with your child, the minute he met, or she met the opposite sex, he or she would come home that day and say Dad, you know what, I met someone and you say Watch out. Be careful. You need to know this and know that you are able to talk to them. The problem with us no communication child comes from school. We don't even ask What did your mme say you know, what did the teacher say? What happened at school today? Nothing. He's scared to even sit on the same table as dad because dad is sitting there. You don't know how hard I work to send you to school. You don't know how much money I have spent? You don't know I have sweated my backside off. will probably say

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dad get up let me see.

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Allah forgive us really. So that is the relationship we have in the home where it's cat and mouse we don't even speak to our children but if you embrace your child, you learn to kiss your child you learn to have a relationship with your child. Oh my beloved child, my son my daughter Subhan Allah and you do not just shout the child for a mistake that a child has made just like you Do not shout a spouse for a mistake. They have made some of us for food. We make such a big issue that the knot breaks

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your spouse burnt the food Mashallah, today we had some beautiful food. With this time I've been eating a lot in Colombo. May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us. May Allah grant us ease. You know, I was thinking May Allah subhanho wa Taala give us the food of gentlemen. One wonders if there is such beautiful food. What about Jenna? What will there be some kind of law in order to get there you need to make sure you are the best to your spouse, Kyra, Camilla Holly is the best from amongst you are those who are best to their wives.

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The best from amongst you are those who are best to their wives to Angela. Best to their family members best to your spouse best to your husband. How do you treat them? Some people? The wife has built the food do you know that's a test from Allah? That's a test from Allah he's watching and to be honest with you, the angels are writing what's your reaction? That's all that's happening? Nothing else. She might never burn it again. And we get up and say Do you know how much money is wasted here? You know, the food is rubbish. It's rotten. It's bad, it's filthy. Throw it out? Is that the attitude? Well, why did you get married? That is someone's daughter. How are you speaking

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to her have a bit of shame your children are watching.

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If you have committed a crime, that is one thing, but you are teaching your children how to commit a crime that they will commit in a bigger way. This is why I encourage people who want to get married. If you want to get married to someone go and look at their parents look at how they are living. If their parents are living correctly with beauty with respect with honor, it would mean that they have learned beauty, respect and honor.

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But their parents are fighting like cats and dogs and if their parents are swearing each other and there is a relationship that is totally absurd, then it does not mean the child is bad. No it doesn't. But there is a likelihood that the child might have qualities of that nature, especially if it's a male May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us it's not a rule but it is something we need to consider. It is something we need to think about May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to mend our ways and habits in such a way that they do not seep through to the next generation. This not is a blessing not Subhan Allah it is to be tied for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala and this

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is why when tying the knot in Islam, when tying the knot in Islam, you will find very clearly that Allah subhanho wa Taala has made it easy, and he's asked us to say a few good words. That is the sooner Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Every time there was a nica, there was an appreciation of a marriage. We find Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to say a few good words, you know, advice to those who are not married to those who have come together, perhaps to those who are still waiting, he would say yeah, Mashallah Shabaab minister. I mean, come on. By

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And yet so what? Oh you whoever is able and capable to get married to not waste time Don't delay that you should get married. It's a it's a piece of advice

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and Mashallah you see your friend and he's excited he's sitting there and you know he's saying I'm about to say yes to the Imam Subhana Allah so now he looks up and he says the man is asking Have you accepted? This is Yes, yes it happened to me once where and I mentioned it not too long ago as well where there was a youngster so excited and I'm busy telling myself son, I hope you're as excited as today as you are today. One year down the line lava. May Allah help us today we cry we make dua that Allah subhanho wa Taala grant, you know a goodness and make this bond solid. They say triple x glue, you know why they call it triple x. If I were to tell you this video is triple x What does it mean?

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I think everyone knows what it means it means it's no go area. You will hurt yourself. You will harm yourself. Don't watch it. Leave it triple x. This is something x rated. Imagine the blue is not x rated. It's double, triple x they call it triple x blue. When you tie the knot it should be with triple x blue. There is no harm that is there besides very, very little. And that to you'd have to learn May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us Let's you're a woman you are intimate with her. That's your man that's your husband, you intimate with this person. You can talk to them you can undress in their presence, Subhan Allah, whatever you'd like within the limits of Allah, you can get it done.

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Mashallah, there is nothing x rated there because that is your spouse. What a blessing not. Allah tells you Yes, we know you have needs we know you have desires. We know you have a lot within you that is there that is instilled by Allah subhanho wa Taala we will show you a dignified manner of fulfillment of this we will show you a respectful respectable manner of fulfillment of this and believe me it is a given take not just a take and take low acaba it's a given take people sometimes think that you know my wife should do as I say, No, sometimes you should do as she says as well where you are wrong and she's like she has the right to correct you. In fact, it is her duty to

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correct you. You are the spouse she will earn gentlemen if she corrects you, getting you up for Salah don't just think I'm a husband, don't you dare get me up. You're interrupting my sleep. She has the right to pour water on your face my brother in law common law common

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law help us getting up for Salah it's the duty of your spouse to get you up for Salah she is sinful if she doesn't.

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So sometimes you have to listen to your wife as well. She has the right to say things she's a human being so she might have a better brain than yours. admits, admits. Hey, the men are looking at me today I see what's happening no so analyze reality. She might come up with better ideas than yours. She might be more qualified than you are in terms of religious knowledge and various other things. She might know how to handle the home better than you She might come up with ideas. Look at Khadija been to Hawaii.

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Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the highest no competition no debate, like we said moments ago never ever a bad habit or an evil quality from the beginning all the way to the end. Perfect. So Kerala in every way kind of poo pooed on his character was made up of what the Quran teaches completely.

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But he used to listen to his spouse. Sometimes because that was a teaching, not because anything was wrong. I give you an example, Khadija bithoven

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at the time of Revelation, what did she do? When he said some Looney Rooney, you know, cover me envelop me, she embraced her husband, and she offered support. This is why at the time of difficulty, offer your spouse support either way, husband to wife, wife to husband offer her support. You don't have to say Listen, I have nothing to do with this. I'm out of here. So Panama, that's your spouse, you offer them support. You tell them Look, don't worry. She says conda Allah He

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never, Allah will never let you down. Allah will never disgrace you never embarrass you. You are such a good man. How many of us can tell about our wives? Or our husbands that they are such good men or women and tell it to someone else or together? Meaning are we able to do that? You might tell your wife Oh, you're so lovely. And you say oh, that's quite hard to say that.

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be genuine, be honest. Look at the look at how lovely she really is.

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It is character it is conduct it is sacrifice. Khadija

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Ivana says I have an idea. Let's go to my cousin this water could be no fun. Let's go to him. Perhaps you will come up with something perhaps you will know. So she thought up ideas. Mohammed sallallahu Sallam did not have to listen to her.

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Subhan Allah but he walked with her. He went out with her he heard and Subhana Allah He came back

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What do we learn from that? We are not like Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We are not prophets of Allah. We are nowhere near. We are imperfect mortals we are imperfect human beings who make mistakes every day. But we don't want to have. We don't want to lend an ear to a spouse whom we've married Subhan Allah, whom we've actually married. And she's just giving us an idea to say, look, I believe maybe you should resolve the matter this way. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us and may open our doors, my brothers and sisters, the responsibilities within marriage are such that it is

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it has become today, like walking on a tightrope. That was not supposed to be the case. But today, it's like walking on a tightrope. Because we have technology that comes to interfere with the knot. We have the environment that comes to interfere with the knot, we have so many things that come to interfere with that not so how you use your phone would actually break the knot or tighten it thoroughly properly. Meaning it would reinforce it if you have the correct use of your mobile phone. correct use of your eyes that would also strengthen your marriage. Imagine imagine there is a nude woman walking past and like I said figure like a trigger. Do you know why they call it like a

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trigger? You know, pull up it in your shot. Allahu Akbar Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us really tamper with it and the bullet goes straight through.

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So remember, imagine if there is a woman who's walking past and she's absolutely new. Your wife is with you and she's watching

00:31:36--> 00:32:00

and you look down and you don't even look up and she looks at you and looks a well ah he she will feel in her heart A this man Mashallah you know he and then you look at her a little bit later and you say Mashallah, darling. You're gorgeous Mashallah gorgeous. Today we heard the new word aerodynamic, Mashallah, wow. You know, BMW does not stand for be my wife know, Allah subhanho wa Taala help us May he bless us really.

00:32:03--> 00:32:08

I hope looking down was out of the fear of Allah not out of the fear of your spouse.

00:32:12--> 00:32:23

May Allah bless her so we cause it you will never get to the woman who walked by but you said a lot about yourself. You made a huge statement to your spouse that you know what? I don't look at you this way but

00:32:26--> 00:32:49

Allah forgive us barely Allah subhanho wa Taala strengthen us. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from temptation. Don't think you are too grand and powerful and strong. Anyone can follow. ask Allah to help you to protect you from temptation. Ask Him and ask Him every day and he will protect you Allahumma defy Allah. When Reba was Xena was De La Silla.

00:32:51--> 00:33:22

Mama Papa, the Tao of Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam includes the Allah take away from us keep far from us certain things, inflation and this and that and one of them is Xena. Keep away from us Yella, I'm a human being. I don't want to fall you're like keep it away from me. May Allah subhanho wa Taala strengthen us trust me we achieved nothing from adultery and fornication we achieve lots of goodness through our own relations, our spouses, our children, Mashallah spend time at home, it brings me to another point

00:33:23--> 00:33:40

we get married we have kids, we have a function of this nature Mashallah. And you know, Mashallah, it's an important function there are so many brothers and sisters who've attended in your 1000s Mashallah, may Allah bless us all like I say me, he gathered us like this on the day of the AMA. inshallah, in the right camp, and may we be granted gender I mean,

00:33:42--> 00:34:16

so what happens? We come and your friends phone you So, are you going to say I'm going okay, let's go together. Who is a real man is he who can say sorry, my buddy, I'm going with my wife. That's a man. The others are all little they're they're scared of their friends and losing their friendship. They want to be called men when they are not men. A true man is he who knows how to treat his family. That's what a true man is. Are you a true man? Really, if you want to know it does not mean how much money you have. You know, today I was sitting I was seeing people and Subhanallah I learned a lot. And I learned one of the things I learned is that a rich man is not he who has a lot of

00:34:16--> 00:34:25

wealth. No, you got a lot of wealth. That is not the gauge of whether you are rich or not in Islam. In Islam, a rich man is he who can spend that wealth.

00:34:26--> 00:34:59

So you judge a person based on how much he has spent or he will be judged based on how much he has spent even by Allah subhanho wa Taala what's the point of amassing amassing a message? What's the point I haven't yet spent it. Let me earn my paradise let me spend left right and center Subhana Allah that is a true wealthy person. So similarly, a true man is he who knows what a family is all about. Allah made you a man and made the other a woman in order for you to get together in marriage and be able to reproduce for the sake of Allah in order to increase the oma of Mohammed Salah.

00:35:00--> 00:35:27

What's the point of reproducing like popcorn, when you don't even know what your children are doing? laquan You don't know you have no time. I've got money. And that's it. And let me just have as many kids as I want. So we've got 25 kids, none of them know what Islam is all about what was the point? So this is why quality is far more important than quantity. Remember this. And if you are a real man, you will know that your spouse comes first. Really first, as in the human beings that are around you.

00:35:29--> 00:36:04

So much so that if there is politics between your mother and your spouse, you will not disrespect your mother. But some people misinterpret the term kindness to the mother as meaning obey her even when she is wrong. Your mother is a human being a lovely human being. Yes, we did say you serve her we did say you will be kind to her. Mashallah. But when she's making a mistake, you must be a man to say, Mom, I love you so much. But you know what, this is wrong, man. You cannot do this man. Please don't do this. You are messing up things and don't go and say my wife complained to me about you because now you're missing a relationship. You're not a politician. Learn from the politicians

00:36:04--> 00:36:07

around you Mashallah. They know how to play the politics.

00:36:08--> 00:36:43

Really, you need to be a politician to be able to do that not properly. You need to be one. You need to be able, like I said, it's become a tightrope. The reason why we say it's become a tightrope is people have lost the value of what Islam teaches. They don't want to follow if all of us were following what the dean teaches, including our mothers and fathers, our spouses and everyone else, then it would be a simple walk, it still happens in some homes. May Allah bless us and increase the number of homes where there is harmony and peace and goodness souhan Allah, but in a lot of homes sadly, today, life is all about TV and materialism, and the internet and WhatsApp and the phone and

00:36:43--> 00:37:00

social media and whatever else we've been speaking about all along, so panela people have removed a lot from the equation. Sometimes we have people who think Islam is reduced to salah and to a dress code. So you have a nice long beard. Mashallah, you wearing Hijab and niqab perhaps, and you read five Salah a day?

00:37:01--> 00:37:29

And you think that I'm a good Muslim? No way, no way that is a part of Islam indeed. But it's not just Islam. That is not just what it is. That's not all that Islam has. No Islam has a lot and a lot more than this. So Han Allah you need to pray you need to ask Allah you need to develop your character, your conduct, you have fulfilled your right towards Allah subhanho wa Taala when it was direct between you and Allah, what about the rights of fellow human beings? Guess where it starts? Yeah, I you

00:37:31--> 00:38:14

know, poo. Poo Sakuma. licona Oh, you who believe Save yourselves, and then your family members from the fire from Hellfire, it would mean that if I want to be good and kind, I need to start with my own spouse, my children, and I need to stand up for what is correct. That's a man Subhan Allah, even if you're a woman, and your parents are maltreating, your spouse, your husband, you should be good enough to say I am kind to my mother, my father, I am really good to them, I do not harm them, I respect them. But at the same time, what I need to know is communicate with them that how you are treating the spouse of your of mine is wrong. You need to say it.

00:38:17--> 00:38:54

Many women are suffering at the hands of the mothers of their husbands solely because the husband doesn't have the courage to be a man. And we are not saying be rude. Remember, kindness is a duty and obligation. You need to respect your mother but with respect and kindness, you need to understand she is just about a human being. She also has weaknesses, you know, the best of people can fall, the best of people from amongst us can make mistakes, the most knowledgeable from amongst us can make mistakes. So Panama, but to correct them in a beautiful way. It doesn't mean that you know what, that's if I must go and sway my mother. No, we need to address the situation correctly

00:38:54--> 00:39:04

with utmost respect. And this is when we will be able to consolidate what we have, you know, the spouses who respects their spouses, or those whom,

00:39:06--> 00:39:11

when they have a difficulty, the spouse is the first to rush to their assistance.

00:39:13--> 00:39:15

So panela, the first to rush to your house.

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And as time passes, do you know what will affect you the sacrifice, the sacrifice that you have made for your spouse is what will increase you in value. And the sacrifice that your spouse has made for you is what will increase him or her in value. So you need to sacrifice What did I sacrifice, not just my wealth, not just my time, but my kindness meaning I need to be kind my heart. I need to say good words. And I'm encouraging even the older people to go and try it out. It works.

00:39:50--> 00:39:59

The other day I was talking to one person that's roughly my age. And we were saying you know our fathers, I don't think our fathers told our mothers I love you even why

00:40:00--> 00:40:06

But they loved each other tremendously more than we who say I love you 20 times a day.

00:40:08--> 00:40:23

But I tell you what, if your parents are still alive, I hope they're listening. Try it out, go and say I love you. And that's not how you say you don't just go and say I love you and then you walk out No, there is a way like I said, There is no need for everything. So Pamela, I love you.

00:40:24--> 00:40:55

That holds much more weight than I love you. That we you know saved correctly properly Mashallah, that's your spouse, you can say how you want you can flick your eyes and breathe them and do whatever you want. That's your spouse Come on. The value of that speech is such that you can you know, beautify it, you want to edit this deed, no problem. You want to add a minute no problem you want to do no problem. That's your spouse. Mashallah hamdulillah you know, you want to sing a song for them? Why not? say Look, my darling, I prepared a song for you. I love you.

00:40:57--> 00:41:16

What's wrong? That's not May Allah bless us all my brothers and sisters. There is nothing wrong in Islam to do that. It's your spouse. But the problem with us we will send messages with these emoticons you know, in on WhatsApp, there's a heart when you send it it actually blows up a little bit and it starts it starts pumping Have you seen it?

00:41:17--> 00:41:23

Michelle I had quite a lot of yeses. I hope you're sending them to the right people my brothers and sisters.

00:41:24--> 00:41:41

I hope you are really it's a beautiful heart but how many times do you send it to your spouse? I don't think your spouse will become upset by you sending it even on auto sin every 10 minutes a heart goes out I don't think they would become upset you know why there is no auto send on WhatsApp it has to have been you

00:41:43--> 00:41:59

we send it yes we do we use emoticons we use the love we use the little you know those thick red stubby lips that come on WhatsApp you know and we use them and send them here and there Subhanallah without ever kissing without ever doing anything and we've but the problem is we're sending it to the wrong person.

00:42:00--> 00:42:22

We are sending it to someone and that sending has been encouraged by shape and I'm not saying the person is bad nor am I saying you are bad but shavon is very bad. So Chapin says no your wife come on you don't mean well ah he you get to work phone your wife. Hey, listen, darling, I'm at work everything is okay Mashallah. The sandwiches you made are really really great. Make sure she did put sandwiches in there.

00:42:24--> 00:42:28

Otherwise you're in trouble? She will tell you that Hey, where did these sandwiches come from? I didn't put them

00:42:32--> 00:43:06

but give us a call. Tell her Mashallah, when you eat say Mashallah, the food was excellent. It was very good, Mashallah, we thank Allah and I thank you for the effort. This is how it works. Your husband comes back, he comes home, he buys you something, he does something for you, thank him, say, Oh, I really appreciate it. Count the favors of the husband Do you know one of the sins of women that are made mentioned by Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam is that sometimes they do not appreciate what's done for them, they are quick to forget. But the same applies to men, we are quick to forget what what the women do for us as well. And we treat them as though you know what, by the way, I

00:43:06--> 00:43:38

heard one man. And it's a fact I'm a counselor myself, you know, we try to help as many as we can. But once there was a problem between certain people, and you know, our mothers are really good people. They don't mean to interfere. But sometimes there's a generation gap. So generation gap means, you know, when there's more than 3040 years gap between people, they don't understand each other properly. You know, so sometimes when they don't they they say things, and the other one hasn't understood and she will say things and the mother hasn't understood and so on. So there was a problem. And to be honest with you, the mother was more wrong in that particular case that I was

00:43:38--> 00:43:40

dealing with. And the man says, Listen,

00:43:43--> 00:43:47

a mother I will I will never replace a wife, there are dozens outside waiting to marry me.

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I looked at him and I said, Do you fear Allah? Do you fear Allah? Do you want to be with the same mother in general? SubhanAllah. If that's the case, if she your statement is correct, technically speaking, but as a Muslim, you should not be saying that because your mother is irreplaceable that does not make it such that when she's wrong, that wrong is also irreplaceable. You can replace the wrong with right, tell my mom, I love you. I can't replace you. You are my mother, Allah chose you for me. You are a test for me. But my beloved Mother, do you know what? In this instance, you are wrong or get someone like me to tell your mother that you know what you are wrong. Really get a

00:44:26--> 00:44:51

scholar get someone else whom she respects to correct her. And I've been and I've done this insert knows where you if you tell the person look, this is the problem. Please let your daughter live or let your son live without interfering, so to speak. And sometimes my young spouses, it's not interference, it is guidance. We mix the two up they are guiding you like we said it's their duty to guide you. If your mother sees you as a man.

00:44:52--> 00:44:59

You were a good man used to get up for Salah to read Quran now that you married, everything stopped. She has every right in fact it's healthy.

00:45:00--> 00:45:17

As many as you are and as many children as you may have a duty to tell you listen to my son, you will get a for Salah you will but She mustn't say and this is a mistake many women make ever since you got married that woman I don't know what she does to you at night You can't even get up for Salah mom you know what we do at night? Come on.

00:45:20--> 00:45:23

I don't have to be shy about it. Allah forgive us.

00:45:25--> 00:45:33

And I heard this happening you know they come any small thing son has a bad habit when my son was single, he never had that bad habit now that he's with you, bad habits are coming in.

00:45:35--> 00:46:09

Now Allah forgive us if those are words that are cutting, those are remarks that are unwarranted. Those are remarks that are not correct. A Muslim should not be saying that you make dua for your son or Allah guide my son, Allah help my child Allahu Akbar. Allah helped me create a love between me and my daughter in law. Or Allah help us like this. anything goes wrong. You know the mother The nose is twitching sometimes May Allah protect all our mothers. the wrong thing would be for her to say I think my daughter in law is doing some magic on me. My nose is twitching. Your nose is twitching big deal my nose twitches

00:46:10--> 00:46:28

no one did anything on us just a little perhaps blood circulation something wrong something here that it's normal. You everyone's nose twitches once in a while, you know, may Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us don't think negative you want that not to be intact. Don't think negative Think positive. That is the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala he has tested you through that.

00:46:30--> 00:46:46

So this is why we say learn to respect one another become role models for your own children. Learn to stand up for your spouse when someone is wrong, whether it's in your home or out of your home. Don't allow them to be trampled by anyone and everyone and never ever think that your spouse is an unpaid mate.

00:46:47--> 00:47:24

A lot of people happy getting married oh you're gonna have good food you have a Mashallah Who? Is she just a cook? If she likes to do it, and she doesn't mind Alhamdulillah Mashallah, what a wife Alhamdulillah May Allah bless us, beautiful, but you can't just say guys, no more worries all my friends. And we made you can come home, no problem, who's gonna prepare my wife, your wife is not married to your friends, my brother's Your wife is your spouse. Yes, she may want to spoil you. But remember, she is a human being not a machine. The same applies to your husband, my beloved sisters. He's not a machine. He is a human being he will falter He will make mistakes. You know, I normally

00:47:24--> 00:47:24

tell people

00:47:25--> 00:47:30

that when you want to know everything about your spouse, the knot will break.

00:47:32--> 00:48:12

Listen to what I just said. People say I want to know every detail. You are not allowed. My answer ability is not to you. I swear I have come across instances where a man or a woman have faltered in life a big mistake. The spouse did not know they came crying to the scholars or to the machine. And they repented and they became better people and you think to yourself, the spouse didn't know that's why they are really really happy because the man has become a better person than he was before the mistake he made. But if the spouse found out environment teaches the spouse to say husband made a mistake, kick him out. So now she's depressed. He's depressed. What happened? It was a mistake

00:48:12--> 00:48:24

between him and Allah. It had nothing to do with you. So you say I want to know every detail. I want to know every detail Tell me Mashallah. She's standing with her hands on her hips, it's okay. Some would be standing with a stick.

00:48:27--> 00:48:29

mela and vice versa, the men are doing it as well.

00:48:30--> 00:48:51

You don't need to know every detail the sun sometimes is between them and Allah subhanho wa Taala you don't need to really sometimes they will turn to Allah. If your spouse turns and leaves a bad habit because of you. They might get back into it. But if they've left the bad habit because of Allah, the chances of them getting back to it are very small, because they did it for the sake of Allah.

00:48:54--> 00:48:56

You know, the amount of like we say,

00:48:57--> 00:49:35

the environment and the amount of pressure that the environment puts on people to be promiscuous, and to be for example, to lose morals and values is so intense and immense. that a person who is saved is rarely one who fears Allah subhanho wa Taala you walk out of this hole What do you see some Hana law? There is a theater right next door, may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us all a person can head to the wrong direction very easily, very quickly, very tempting. The lights are flashing it's Christmas season end of year and so on and the muslimeen sometimes you find they are the ones who go to the Christmas parties, Mashallah you know, Diwali party Christmas party, frontline Muslims, at

00:49:35--> 00:50:00

least some of them remove the headgear, bah, bah, bah, mela forgive us. So this is the pressure of society pressure of community pressure of the world today the globe is such that people can falter and fall. It's your duty to help and assist. Get your spouse back up on her feet or his feet and help him walk towards a law. That is your paradise. That is your paradise. It doesn't mean when your spouse has made one

00:50:00--> 00:50:16

mistake, you cut the rope, you cut the knot? No, they've made a mistake. There are others who have made many more mistakes. And they have helped their spouses in a way that today they are happier than they ever were in the past. And voila, it's affect us those who are slightly older.

00:50:18--> 00:50:52

When the spouses made mistakes, they help them. They did not say, right, it's the end of story go, I don't want you here anymore. If that's the case, and that's how we're looking at marriage, someone else will do the same thing to you or a member of your family. melona do that to us. If you have a serious problem and a crisis. Yes, indeed. Sometimes that not, perhaps we will want to untie it because you know what, to be honest with you. Something went wrong, total incompatibilities, perhaps, you know, something has happened here where the knot is broken. You know, when you become physical with your wife, you say I'm a Muslim? Didn't you see the Quran says I can beat you. You're

00:50:52--> 00:51:12

my wife. How did you interpret versus the Quran says you must beat your wife. What are you talking about? Subhan Allah? Do you know when you have a problem and a matter with your wife? What are the first steps you don't even know you don't, you haven't even learned. But we just read a verse on our own. And today, you know what the translation of this is, according to this, hang on, hang on, relax, take it easy.

00:51:13--> 00:51:19

I know of a case where the man wanted to punch his wife and the wife finished the husband up completely.

00:51:20--> 00:51:24

And then he came with blue eyes saying I didn't know my wife was a boxer.

00:51:28--> 00:51:33

You see, it says knowledge box, watch out, she'll put you on a box. She'll put you in the box.

00:51:35--> 00:51:55

You cannot maltreat your spouse never not at all. Make sure that you understand. You have a problem. Speak. Talk to her use your mind your brain convinced her with some means. And if she has a problem with you, the same applies, she needs to talk to you. And this is a mistake some women make like I told you at the beginning, some women prefer to remain silent just to pray to Allah perhaps.

00:51:56--> 00:52:22

Don't ever reveal your problems to someone online. Never ever. It's the biggest mistake you could make you sitting behind the screen and someone says Oh, very bad husband. They advise you wrong. They want to steal your heart at the time when you are at on a low no ways. They are perhaps worse than your spouse. You bet you're confiding in someone, you say no, I can confide in them because they don't know me. Trust me. They know your exact location, you name and everything.

00:52:24--> 00:52:39

Trust me. You never ever turn to an anonymous person for help online and on your phone. They can blackmail you, they can cheat you they can give you bad advice. And the worst of friends are those who give you advice that is wrong. And they know it's wrong.

00:52:41--> 00:53:12

So panela so this is what happens. Sometimes a person goes to someone for advice and that person is wrong. They tell you you say you know what? My today my husband really he raised his voice and he was quite upset. No fixing go home. Tell him I'm not talking to you for one month. Well, you walked out for a man he tried speaking to you. You didn't because you followed the wrong advice. And he didn't you didn't speak to him. Not one day, two days, five days, he found someone else to speak to after one week. And then you come back a month later thinking your problem is solved. But now there's a third party involved.

00:53:13--> 00:53:47

And then the person who advised you they run away. They run away What happened? Oh, I don't know what your marriage broke. I'm very sorry. But your husband was a very bad man. But he's living happily ever after with someone else. We could have done it, but we didn't because we got advice from the wrong person. So when something goes wrong, seek advice from those who will tell you my system mended. Try to make it work. See how it goes. Don't worry, let it try try again and so on. You've tried it again. If it is oppression extreme, you might want out no problem. Like I'm saying we need to balance the statement here. There are cases and incidents where there is oppression on

00:53:47--> 00:53:50

either side there is you know in compatibility beyond repair.

00:53:51--> 00:54:00

So divorce is permissible as a last resort. Yes, indeed. But it's not just something that you throw just because you didn't get $100 when someone else got $100

00:54:01--> 00:54:45

sometimes, you know you find a spouse would perhaps buy a gift for someone give someone and you say but what about me Where's mine I don't want you know, Valentine's day for us is every day of the year. Valentine's day, every day of the year meaning we don't mean sin Valentine and so on. But expressing love should not just be on a certain day. But I know of Muslims whose marriages have broken because the husband did not bring a rose or a flower or a gift for the wife on the day of Valentine's Muslims. Marriage broke Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day, you I went out I went out all my friends got flowers. I didn't get anything. I went out finished bad. How am I going to show face

00:54:45--> 00:54:59

to my friends? My sister. You don't need to show face. A marriage that works is not a marriage that is displayed on Facebook. A lot of those are actually not working. That's why they have to show it on Facebook. If yours is working, you're busy working it

00:55:00--> 00:55:17

You're not busy on the next level. So people want to put all my husband and I and you're hugging and kissing and the pictures up while llahi the evil eye is the truth. It happens it comes. You want to show everyone how delighted you are tomorrow broken? What happened? Everyone was saying

00:55:20--> 00:55:23

what a couple they getting along so well.

00:55:25--> 00:55:33

People forget our last name. And so mixing you busy fighting and you don't know. And everyone says, Oh, this marriage was made in heaven, even the marriages made in heaven break.

00:55:36--> 00:55:45

Why do you have to show? Why do you have to say Oh, my love, beloved husband and speak to the globe? Tell your husband that Subhana Allah tell your wife that.

00:55:47--> 00:55:50

So this is why we say I know of another marriage

00:55:51--> 00:55:59

that broke because the wife suspected the men of giving her flowers that were supposedly from someone else. How's that?

00:56:01--> 00:56:07

So here comes the day of Valentine's and the flowers King. I told you the flowers are supposed to come anytime, not only when you go to the graveyard.

00:56:09--> 00:56:31

Sorry, I need to explain myself. You know what the graveyard you get these roses on people's graves. Sometimes people put you know, we in Islam, we're not supposed to be doing that, you know, you'd rather make a draft for the deceased than to do that. But some people when they go to the graveyard and they standing there they see Rosie, that's good for my wife take it. So the only time they get roses, you know, one woman says every time my husband gives me a rose, I've got to ask him Did you pass by the gray area?

00:56:33--> 00:57:10

So the reality here is, there was a case and this happens. And I'm talking about it because it's connected to the knot. There was a case where a man says he came with the flowers, or flowers are presented. Now there's another problem. Where did you get these from? Who sends them to you? How did you bring them here? If I don't bring them there's a problem. If I bring them there's a problem. What do I do malla help us really learn to appreciate like I said, you don't need to probe every detail. If you are kind and good towards your spouse, and you give them time and you look at them often. Trust me the love will increase.

00:57:12--> 00:57:21

If you are kind and good to your spouse, and you have good words to say you have time for them, you look at them often you talk to them often with good words.

00:57:22--> 00:57:38

Trust me the love will increase. They won't need to go on to the phone in order to find love. They have it at home. There's no deficit, nothing at all. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us really by all means May Allah make dua ask Allah help and work towards

00:57:40--> 00:57:57

a beautiful topic this evening. Mashallah tying the knot. You see, I want to mention something important when tying the knot in Islam. It's very easy. It is simplified. The reason why it's simplified one of the reasons people must not have an excuse to say I committed adultery fornication because it was very difficult to get married.

00:57:59--> 00:58:37

brings me to an interesting point. to delay marriage in Islam is actually prohibited. Once you know that the two are to get married. You get the nikka done. You delay it you're sinful. Remember this. So people say we are engaged. The next year I met them we are engaged. The third year I met them we are engaged. The fourth year. Oh, she fell pregnant. We had to quickly do the Nika it's happening in society. They were supposed to be married get the nikka done even if they are living separately. So what who said that as soon as you marry you have to go to your husband's house. If your father has agreed that no problem you're still at school, you want to finish education, get your nikka done and

00:58:37--> 00:59:11

stay at home Don't worry the day we are finished with your education for five years down inshallah you can go to your husband's house and we can have a big one aim at that time, inshallah no harm. But with us we say no, no, no, keep it What am I going to say? son doesn't have a degree son in law doesn't have a degree. What am I going to say? No, hold it no marriage, you must wait. They are already together. They are ready to get and who is accumulating the sin. You are a part of it. A part of it. I'm not saying the entire lesson. But you are a part of it. Why you are a stubborn parent. That's what it is stubborn, really stubborn. Take that out, learn from the sooner Muhammad

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Sallallahu Sallam where he teaches us when nica is confirmed, get it done. When the time of Salah comes fulfilling when the gentleman happens to be in front of you get them buried. You don't delay agenda to say you know what? Let's just wait for one two years put him in the mortuary why no more people will come You know, what are you talking about? That's what you're doing to your daughter? That's what you're doing to your son in law. Allah forgive us get the nikka done Do you feel Allah or do you feel society get technical done Don't delay the to want to get married. Come on, let it happen. And they don't have to live together. Like I said they could tomorrow when he's got a house

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he can come ahead Mashallah.

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qualifications qualification degree SubhanAllah. Some of the happiest marriages are to those who have no degree. Trust me. Some of the happiest marriages are to those who have no qualification.

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Man treats your daughter like she's a queen. He carries on his back and walks around Mashallah a guy with a degree.

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When one does I don't want to say won't do that. But when one does what he does Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us. You're talking to me like this, I have a degree. Mashallah PhD, be PhD.

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You know the he'll tell his wife to call him Dr. So and so I have a PhD. You don't address me like that.

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May Allah forgive us? Really? You look at the man if he's Dean is good. This character is good, reasonable, responsible person. get him married, how many of our parents had nothing when they got married? 30 years later, they developed wealth. Today, the same parents want a husband who's already rich, he must be rich from the beginning. Give him a chance. Come on, man. When you got married, you couldn't even wear shoes. You only used to move around in slippers. Allahu Akbar. And it took you 2030 years to develop wealth. And just because you've got the wealth, your daughter wants to get married. It's not like anyone is shoving it down her throat. And you're just saying no, because

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perhaps the men doesn't have something. And who said Allah says he Kono

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fugly, you've chosen the right spouse. If the person is poor, Allah will bless them with his virtue, because Allah is the one who owns sustenance, how many people have got their daughters married to wealthy people, 10 years down the line, they lost everything.

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So it's not to do with wealth. it's to do with the right person. And this is why the Hadith says there are several things people look at some look at, well, some look at looks.

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Your choice? Yes, you must look at what the person looks like, definitely, you have to live with them. At the end of the day, you have to be intimate with them, you're not going to go with those masks that they give out on Emirates land and then you know, be intimate with your spouse. No, you want to look at them, you want to see them. So you must be able to like your spouse, definitely. But your decision must not be based solely on looks. They must be an overriding factor. What is it? It's not going to do only with the lineage? No, you can't marry them. They're not from our family, they are not from our tribe, they are not from our caste, they are not from this side, they are not

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exactly you know, so and so No. Are they Muslim are a decent people do they have character? Let it go.

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Let it happen. Do not be a person from the pagan days of ignorance. You know, Bill Oliveira and his brother, Robby Allahumma they got to the community and they said we are whom you know we are if you are going to allow us to marry your daughters Alhamdulillah If not, Allah will provide Allah He they looked beloved Naropa a man from Africa, so can Allah, a man whom the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, I heard his footsteps in paradise. It shook the people, they immediately got them married.

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That shows us that it's got to do with the nobility of a person. Look at the status of a person. You know, I've heard of people saying, Oh, this man is a little bit too dark for my daughter to get married to come on. You can be as dark as charcoal. But if your daughter is up in the air Alhamdulillah she's happy. She's excited. What's the point of marrying the most handsome man, the wealthiest man and your daughter is crying every night and she's cursing you. My dad did something very bad. I'll never forgive you. When you die. You are receiving the sin of what happened?

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Why should that happen? This is the reality of why nots of being broken today. We want to type correctly well understand. The Hadith says yes, you may look at what she looks like you may want to look at a status, her lineage, you may want to look at everything. Those are not the deciding factors. the deciding factor is d follow the follow up that he didn't tell you but yeah, that you want to be successful. You want victory you want success in the dunya and the archaea, then succeed by marrying the one who has the consciousness of Allah in her or the consciousness of Allah in him that his success.

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May Allah bless us all really.

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And sometimes we ignore that the environment has actually affected our child. Listen carefully. Sometimes we ignore the fact that the environment has affected our child. So the child comes up with their own proposition and we get upset and angry I don't want you know what, talk to your child try and convince them listen to their story. Lindemann ear, you do not want them to do things behind your back. You are not allowed letting them in here. My daughter, what happened? How do you know this guy? Don't just get angry. I will fix you up I'm going to damage you be careful. No way. That's not how you talk to your daughter. Because tomorrow when she marries what will happen? What example

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have you laid

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you speak to her with respect she is a human being before she belonged to you. She is and was alas always allows you will perhaps die leaving her behind to live for decades after you she belongs to Allah in Lima. He

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The Quran doesn't say in the Abba inna, in.

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Raja, we belong to Allah and unto him is our return. The Hadith didn't say we belong to our fathers, and our forefathers and unto him unto them is our return. No. Yes, we may we have to be kind of love chose our parents for us, indeed. But remember one thing, you speak to your children, you listen to what they have to say, they will then tell you, you know that I went to the varsity. And I saw a guy eating his Salah all the time. And I saw this, and I saw that, and for some reason, somehow I developed feelings for this young man, please give him a chance, talk to him, and say, Okay, let me talk to him. I am not encouraging this type of behavior, but I'm saying it is happening, face it. If

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you have not involved in the lives of your children a lot, then this type of thing will keep on happening. But those parents who have involved a lot, their children, tell them a lot of what goes on in their lives Alhamdulillah they will be able to guide their children. You know, if your son says, Hey, today, we saw the uncle was smoking and he threw the stuff on the floor, and a few of us picked it up and we were checking it out. And you look at him and say, son, be careful. Watch out. That's not what is what's supposed to happen. Perhaps he will talk to you more and more. But did you tell him what, and you lift him up and you pump him one? Well, ah, he's never going to talk to you

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again. He's never going to because he knows my dad is mad man.

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Really, you tell him something, he will destroy you completely. He's punched me in my, my, my belly and so on. Some of the countries people go and report their parents.

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Allah forgive us.

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So this is why we say if the person if your daughter has come up with something of this nature, perhaps you must listen to what they have to say meet the man to talk to him. He might be better than all the options you've ever thought about. It doesn't mean that he she has to marry the son of your business partner. No. Marriage is not a business deal in Islam. Not at all. People say no, no, no, no, I thought this person was married. Those are the marriages sometimes they don't work because you know why? The girl was forced you forced your daughter to marry someone whose father forced him to marry her. So they were both forced on either side. They sleep like a divorced couple from day

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one.

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What's happening? Whose fault is it? Both parents, literally silly people, people who didn't think people who thought that you know what I can do? And this is me. And Allah has given me the right. It is haram haram haram it is prohibited to force your daughter to marry someone totally prohibited. You cannot force you can suggest you can say look, what about this? And what about that option? She has the right to say I do not want it's over? Did you hear that? She has the right she is entitled to say I do not want and you have to surrender because she belongs to Allah before she came to you.

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Same applies to your sons, no forcing. And you know a man is he who can say to the father of the girl that look I'm being forced or the girls is and being forced Speak up. Don't come up 10 years down the line and say I never wanted to marry you. I was forced by my dad. It's happening a lot. Don't do that. Say it in advance. That look I have a problem. I'm not ready to marry, please. They're forcing me to do this. You help me? May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us all.

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My brothers and sisters. It's a vast topic. If you notice, I have tried to tackle the problems of society what we are facing across the globe in the Muslim ummah. We have this crisis people have not understood I give you another example. Someone reverts to Islam we get very happy Don't we? A person reverts to Islam Mashallah, this guy from Germany is accepted Islam Alhamdulillah.

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We are so excited because he became a Muslim. Do you know that they are finding it very difficult to get married, because of our backwardness? No one's married because when it comes to marriage, no, no, no. But he is cleaner and purer than others who've committed sin and so on in Islam if

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you look at him if he's dedicated and his good and his his ideas are correct and his perhaps beliefs are within the line and so on, you you There is nothing wrong in offering him your daughter. Nothing wrong. In Islam. It can happen either way.

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But no, he's a reverse. He's Caucasian or reverse these people were Hindus before. Brother, your great grandfather was a Hindu as well.

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What about that?

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These people were Buddhist. So what they accepted Islam.

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We have a occurrences in the oma that is a huge crisis. So many people who have reverted to Islam, they are stronger than born Muslims. And we say no, I won't want my daughter to marry here. We are not saying you need to shove it down anyone's throat but what we are saying if there is an interest and if the person is a candidate, let it be. So what nationality means nothing? Subhan Allah

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us. The world is now a little global village. You know people are in touch.

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With with each other, and they promise each other to marry, if you and I'm repeating it for the third time, if you were close enough to your child before they promised someone that they would marry them, they would have told you they would have asked you, they would have involved you, but because you were too distant with your friends and your nightlife and what else and everything else, some people are too distant. Some people are so religious, that it becomes religious, you know what that means?

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To serve Allah subhanho wa Taala is definitely something good.

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But to go beyond the limit to the degree that the other obligations on your shoulders, you have forgotten them, you have less than it's an obligation for you to do this, and you have not done it. In that particular case. What's the point of a man who goes to the masjid and spends the whole day in the masjid whilst his family are looking at other men in order to resolve their matters, and to go and buy something for them and look after their needs? What's the point? So you need to strike a balance. nobody's saying don't go to the masjid you need to go. But you must know when you need to depart. When your family needs you. You need to talk to them. You need to meet them you need to look

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after them. That's also a duty it is foreign as well. It is a duty obligation from Allah subhanho wa Taala May Allah make it easy for us all my brothers and sisters Let us pray that all the marriages that we have really that they will on the solid foundation May Allah help us to help one another. May Allah help us to resolve our problems all those who are not married yet Allah get them married to spouses who will be the coolness of the eyes yellow all those who are married and are suffering turbulence help them such that they can resolve their matters tonight, y'all are all those who are struggling in any way. Help them yellow those who are in laws, fathers in law, mother in law, y'all

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help them to be the best that they can. Yella Yella help us to have the homes that are the greatest and full of harmony and peace help us be role models to our children Allah those who don't have children, bless them with offspring, those who do make them the coolest of their eyes. Yeah, Allah, Allah bless us all grant us all every form of goodness Allah except us all are sallallahu wasallam ah Baraka Nabina Muhammad Subhan Allah Subhana Allah Mohammed La La Land aka