Strong Words for Married Men

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Advice given on the occasion of the marriage of Shabbir and Tabassum in Upton Lane, London.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy.

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We praise Allah subhanho wa Taala we send the blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his entire household, all his companions, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless every single one of them, and to bless every single one of us to bless the couple who are coming together in the blessed union of Nika today, as well as the families as well as all our families, and we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to make it easy for those who are not married, to be married to spouses who will be the coolness of their eyes, and those who are married but do not have offspring. May Allah grant them offspring.

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And those who are married and have offspring, may Allah make that offspring the coolness of their eyes, those who are married and have some form of marital discord, may Allah make this a means of solution for their problems. I mean, my beloved brothers and sisters in Islam, this is the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala. It is not my house. It is not your house, you cannot do as you please, in the house of Allah. You do as Allah pleases. One of the Sooners of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is that when a union of marriage and nikka is officiated that appreciation as per the Sunnah should be done in the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Why? The reason is, it is a sacred bond. It

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is not a simple matter to get married. Yes, it is easy in Islam to get married.

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It has been simplified as in procedural matters, but in terms of seriousness of the relationship, it is something sacred. It is something that Allah subhanho wa Taala has kept such that it is decreed even prior to you being born, may Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for us to understand. When you take someone's daughter in the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala you have accepted her as your wife, you have accepted her in your nikka in your marriage, it is not a simple matter. It comes about with a lot of responsibilities, it comes about with great sacrifice, bearing in mind that Allah is watching.

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Because you took her With the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala we have something known as hotma that is a son of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam, who actually means a lecture, it means a talk, a reminder, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to always seize the opportunity of appreciation of marriages, to remind people about their duties, to remind them about their rights, to remind them about what marriage is all about and to encourage those who are not married to say don't waste time. There are people who say you know, I'm going out with someone for so many years. And you know, the parents are saying that now we need to wait until this and until that my beloved

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parents to prevent haram make halaal easy. It is like a seesaw, the more difficult you make halaal the more easy you make haram remember that you will be answerable on the day of piano, Allah will catch you and ask you why did you make it difficult for your daughter to get married? Why did you make it difficult for your son to get married? These children actually belong to Allah. This is why when someone passes away, what do we say? We say in lillahi wa in la hora. Joan. Indeed we all belong to Allah and all of us are going to return to Allah subhanho wa Taala. So Allah has given them to you as an Amana as a test. He has instructed you what he wants you to do with these

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children, not according to your own whims and desires. You do not decide what should happen with your children, unless that decision is within the instruction of Allah subhanho wa Taala if you make life difficult for them, Allah will catch you. If you make life difficult for them, Allah will hold you responsible. So therefore my first point of encouragement will see C'mon, FC beta koala has our agenda. I advise myself and yourselves to be conscious of Allah to fear Allah subhanho wa Taala remember the day Allah is going to ask you about whatever he has given you. And Allah subhanho wa Taala knows that as as human beings, we all love to see things our way. But we need to understand

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things need to happen the way Allah has decreed. That is the reason why he sent Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So

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We need to make it easier to get married. But at the same time when we get married, we must understand it is not a perpetual honeymoon. It is a big sacrifice. It is a very great sacrifice, your life will change, inshallah you will be blessed with offspring. When your offspring come into the entire equation, your life will change forever in a different way. People think, Okay, I'm going to enjoy etc. I will have fun I will just mash Allah, Allah might give you moments of joy definitely. But the moments of sacrifice are greater. Your life changes my beloved brothers and sisters, if you are not prepared to change your life for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala and the

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sake of that marriage working, how do you expect it to work? When the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was towards the last few days of his blessed life. He reminded us to be kind to women. And he sat up one day and he said, I advise you good regarding women.

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And I implore you to be kind towards the women so much so that there is one narration where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam speaks of the creation of a female. And he says that a woman was actually created from the rib of Adam alayhis salam. Now I do know that today there are a few modernists who deny that and they say women are not created from the rib. I don't know if you've heard that. But if you see the internet, it's filled with all sorts of these type of words. The reality is they say it's an insult. How can you say we were created from a rip my brothers, my sisters, what you were created from has nothing to do with you, who you are right now has everything

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to do you. Because if you say it is an insult to be created from a rib, someone else might say it is a bigger insult to be created from dust and from the soil. And there is no denial we were created from dust from the soil. It's got nothing to do with what you were made from. Even if you were made from gold and silver, it would not have increased your value if you were a bad person today. But even if you were created from dust, your value is dependent on your connection with Allah Subhana Allah to Allah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us a deep understanding my brothers, my sisters, following that advice to Muhammad from Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. I want to tell you,

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normally in the hope but we'll hajer that is read just before the nikka and we will hear those verses. every verse has in it. It tequila

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Taco Bell back home, oh people be conscious of your job. And at the end of that verse, Allah says, What talkin LA. De Tessa, una beanie.

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Be conscious of Allah, whose name you use. When you want to make one another believe your story isn't we use the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala we say Allah, He will lie every little while right? You want someone to believe you use the name of Allah. Allah says, Be careful. Don't just use that name. Just like that. Make sure you know what you are saying. That's the name of Allah. Be conscious of Allah whose name you use, who to ask one and other things and be conscious of Allah or ham or ham, in the language actually means the wombs. And here what is meant is the women folk who are connected to you and the relationships that have come to you via the womb. So you are related to

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people, they are your siblings, they are somehow connected to you because Allah chose that they be connected to you. It was not your decision. I did not choose my brothers and my sisters and my uncles and my aunts that happened. So Allah says, Be careful. But the point I'm raising is the word taqwa, the consciousness of Allah or the love of Allah so much that we create a barrier between us and the punishment of Allah, the displeasure of Allah, we create a barrier by fulfilling Allah commands. The next verse, Allah says, Yeah, hello, Dena man.

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Ducati notice the first one was Yeah, you unless Oh, people, the second one is all you who believe it's becoming more specialized. Oh, you who believe be conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala in the proper way, be conscious of him in the proper way. The third verse also has the consciousness of Allah. Why? This is Nika? Allah He my brothers and sisters be conscious of Allah in your relationships don't involve in Haram. And if you have involved in Haram, remember Allah has the door of Toba and repentance open. Change Your Life before you breathe your last we never know when we are going to be our last change your life. It is not difficult. Ask us forgiveness. have the attitude of

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a moment today. The oma is suffering and we are struggling.

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And we all think the problem is someone else. We don't realize I am the problem. I need to change my life. I need to become closer to Allah. Every one of us has sometimes a little sin that we are perpetrating minor or major depending on what it is. Change it. Become a person who's closer to Allah stop it will law it will help you it will help the generations that are to follow after you be conscious of Allah. This is why Allah speaks about marriage and Nika. And Allah says, marry, but don't engage in that which is prohibited. It will earn the Wrath of Allah, you affect society, you affect the community, you affect the oma at large. So this third verse, Allah says, Yeah, are you

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hella Dina man, taco la aku cola. Sadie. Oh you who believe be conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala and utter that which is studied that which is upright that which is straight, Watch your tongue. In other words, Watch your tongue. When we get married. A lot of us, you know, we remain seated here. I'm sure that women are also listening to what we have to say. A lot of us do not think that we are abusive with our tongues, yet we are dirty, filthy, we swear we lie. We cheat. We hurt people's feelings. And the verse was read at the point of Nika. kulu, Colin said didn't it's an instruction from Allah say that which is straight only Don't utter windy words. dirty words. hurtful words,

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swear words lies, false hood deception. Don't say those words. Many people. They divorce their wives in the discussion suddenly talaq, talaq talaq and they think now let's go to the molana and try and solve our problem out how my brother You were warned the day you got married to watch your tongue and you did not watch your tongue. Now that you've shot all three shots from your gun straight into the chest of someone you are trying to resuscitate them, and you don't realize what you've done is a heinous crime. It shouldn't even be done to the dogs. May Allah forgive us. And this is the condition of the oma, this is what is happening today. Learn what divorce is all about before you

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get married, so that you do not do something wrong before you own a gun. And I'm not encouraging you to own guns. But it's just an example. Before you own a gun, you need to know what the trigger is all about. You cannot have a gun and suddenly you playing with the trigger. And when you shoot yourself in the head, you go to someone and say what happened? It's too late. You need to know what it's all about. So be careful of your tongue. My brothers, my sisters, that Hadith the Prophet sallallahu Sallam speaks of a woman being created from a rib and he says you know that the rib is bent. If you the end of the Hadith says in the habitat, okay, Maha cassata. Who if you try and

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straighten the rib, what happens to it, it will crack it will break. And if you want to benefit from the rib you benefit from it while it is not straight, while it is slightly crooked. Now one might say okay, is this an insult to Allah, it's not an insult. I think the meaning of it is more important, what is the meaning? The meaning is you will never be able to change someone completely to your liking. They will be 50% 60% if you have 60. You are fortunate in today's world, our parents, they had about 8090 I think it's dropping as time passes. But you are still very, very lucky. Mashallah, very fortunate. Well, lucky if you have 60% I consider it a marriage made in

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heaven. So panela before I used to say 8090, there are still some Alhamdulillah. But I have to give you the same warning of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, if you want your wife to be like a pin regarding everything the way you want it, it's cracked, it's broken, the marriage will not last there will be turbulence your children will suffer the relative suffer the relationships break because you were too hard. Many men, they think they are, you know, a big hoax, and they want to prove a point I'll fix you up. So the mother lives around the corner. You're not allowed to go there. That's it. Why? Because I said so. I'm the boss. The Prophet said if there was a sister besides a lie, it would be

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for me You're lucky. I'm not telling you to do that.

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My brother, be careful how you talk, Watch your tongue. That same hotel of nica warned you about your tongue? How can you talk to someone's daughter like this? How can you talk to a human being like this? How can you talk to a worshipper of Allah like this? Do you not fear Allah? Why do you want to be so hard when there's no reason for you to be hard? no reason at all. Just your massage. You know what is massage? That means? Just your own fancies. Your own will that's it, I want to fix her. I want to show her who's the boss. I'd rather the whole world think I'm a chicken and I have a happy marriage than everybody thinks I'm a big boss and I'm struggling at home. Common logic. So my

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brothers and sisters we are living in an era where people are picking on Islam because they are saying the Muslims are maltreating they're women. The problem

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Islam is us. It's not Islam. Islam has the solution. But the way we treat our women sometimes is really unacceptable from the perspective of Islam. Be careful what your tongue allow them. That's the mother. That's the Father. That's the relative you cannot simply divorce your wife from her family the minute you married her, no, you need to understand Yes, there is a relationship that needs to be there. If it is getting beyond the limits, you may want to discuss it. And you may want to communicate because communication is something that is essential for the working of that marriage. Without communication, it won't work, talk, speak, that's your spouse, that's the mother

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of your children inshallah, that is your life partner, speak to them discuss things. They should not be a cat and mouse relationship in the house. Not at all. May Allah subhanho wa Taala guide us, may He forgive us, May He give us goodness will law he my brothers and sisters, we are suffering. I want to let you know, we are all ama in our midst. We all receive so many complaints from so many sisters every single day about how they are maltreated about how they are abused about how their husbands are having affairs left, right and center about what's going on about the tongue about how they don't want them to visit their own mothers and fathers. Even Upon the death of one Father, the

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husband on one occasion said I'm sorry, you're not going home. And then they add salt to the injury by saying if you go you're divorced, what's going on? That's my father. That's that. If you had a little problem with him, it doesn't mean I resolve the matter to resolve the matter is an act of worship and ibadah Subhanallah my brothers my sisters, I want to cry when I talk about marriages. Because today when people get married now who Billa I'm sorry to tell you that we wonder how long it's going to work. That's how bad it's become. People say oh, they're not yet divorced. Have you heard that? Why et they are not yet divorced.

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Which means if you last longer than a few years, it's common meaning it's considered wow Mashallah these people 10 years they still married all hamdulillah why is that the case in the Muslim Ummah, change it respect one another become responsible, cut your sins, how many men and women are hooked on to pornography? We have to talk about it. It's haram for us to abstain from advising the oma we have to say that's a problem. Cut it out people you would never believe sometimes you have a Mashallah Suna beard, etc. But the person swears and beats up the spouse and his children and he's hooked on to pornography and out doing things that are haram you would never believe if you see him

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because he's in the masjid. Every time for the prayer. Something is wrong with his Salah, my brothers, my sisters, the oma is bleeding. Do you want to help the oma in that case? change your life? Change Your Life. Today is the day. If I am seated here. It's not my world that I'm seated here. Yes, we may have made the effort but it was a loss planning. If you are seated here listening to me. I probably don't know you that well. I don't know your situation. What I'm saying. Allah put it in my heart to say it. Because we're law here we are bleeding. We are facing a challenge. We are so happy to see the knickers. In these words that I'm uttering there is advice for the spouse. There

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is advice for those who are coming together today and for all of us. My brothers, my sisters, understand the relationship. And I want to end this talk by saying the advice is also for the sisters. You know the brothers must be sitting thinking this man is bashing us or law here that's not true. We have a problem. We have a crisis learn to respect one another love one another loving words claimed words beautiful words. It isn't a bad idea to choose your words correctly because Allah gave you a brain before he gave you the mouth. Remember that?

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It isn't a bother. What is the difference between us and the animals the brain Subhana Allah. So remember this my beloved brothers and sisters, my dear sisters, it's very important to fulfill the rights of your spouses as well. Your husband's May Allah subhanho wa Taala make it easy for you.

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Very important to take care of their needs to understand the type of person he is to look after the way you speak to him, the way you address the issues that you have within your home My beloved sister, take it easy, be respectful as well fulfill the rights. It is important many people become every small problem they have they say I want out that's it. I want out. You know I give you an example many years ago when we used to have motor vehicles. If the car has a damage you don't throw the car away you repair the car. But today we have a new idea the car is a small damage change it why insurance by the way. There is a whole topic about it being halal or haram. I don't want to get

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into it. But to be honest, we need to not apply that rule in our marriages. Something went wrong

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I want to tell you as a counselor for the last 17 years,

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those marriages where they have patched up after a problem are stronger than those who have not had problems. Did you hear what I just said? I'm talking of my own experience with the people that I have assisted over the years. Those marriages who have forgiven and patched up after having had problems are far stronger in relationship than those who have never had a problem. And I tell you, it's a gift of Allah, when you are ready to mend for the sake of Allah for the sake of everything for the sake of the whole oma. In that case, Allah will give you a gift, but the rule the rule is, both parties need to change for the sake of Allah not one, both need to change for the sake of

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Allah. You know, I can go on and on speaking but these are a few words Mashallah of advice. And they have come from my heart they were not prepared, I did not prepare what to say I came I sat here and I decided to let whatever came in my heart be uttered for the sake of Allah we enjoy the beautiful recital of our curry who is here Mashallah, I really was hoping you could have carried on longer. Not only was the recitation correct, but even the meanings of the words were very, very touching and powerful, the entire army so but the verses he selected with apt Mashallah, similarly I would be failing in my duty. If I did not make mention of my beloved uncle who passed away. Maulana wallula,

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Kp I'm sure we all know him or amatola la. We were very close to him. I've obviously he's my uncle. And these are my cousins and my nephews who are here, and I'm so happy to be here today. I'm sure if he was here, he would have indeed been so happy. But we make dua for him. May Allah give him mafia? And may Allah subhanho wa Taala. grant him genital for those. And similarly, all the other motorhoming of the oma, may Allah grant them genital fear dos. Indeed, my brothers and sisters, let's not delay the Nika and let's not make it difficult for our children. You who are parents here, make it easy for your children help them it doesn't mean you shouldn't help them, assist them make

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it easy for them. And don't treat those who come into your home as a daughter in law or a son in law. in a bad way, treat them with the most respect because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says hey eurocom eurocom li li the best from amongst you imagine Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam is talking. He says the best from amongst you is He who is best to his spouse and includes the entire family, your family members, when you are the best to your family members. In the eyes of Allah you are the best person but if the whole world thinks you are a nice person, and your family thinks you are a rotten person, in that case, your family's witness comes first. And what the people think

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comes afterwards because they don't know you. They don't live with you. May Allah subhanho wa Taala Bless you all upou localizada wa sallahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad