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7 tips for successful parenting
Channel: Bilal Philips
File Size: 57.20MB
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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh and welcome back to this voice of Islam
weekly podcast Subhana Allah or videocast whatever you'd like to call it, but it's on education this week and without further ado, I'm going to invite our guests because they are live from Africa and we don't want to lose them just in case you know, the things a bit temperamental with the electricity and stuff and batteries. So shake bow Phillips is one of one of our long term friends and guests and mentors and teachers. And now he's caused the head he heads up the international online university formerly Islamic University basically Islamic online university Masha Allah de vida Kala Great to see you shake blouse and I'm alikum walaikum salam wa barakato my pleasure to be
here, Mashallah. And that today, we're going to be talking about an issue, which is incredibly important. That's why I bought Shaykh bill out on this week to talk about it. This is the education show. And of course, the education show is about trying to get our children to understand the deen and ourselves, and so on and so forth. But this week, the focus is about successfully raising Muslim children, especially in the West here. And the West has infected the whole world with its presence of secular democracy, democracy, and the thought processes, and so on and so forth. So Shaykh, Bella is going to go through the Seven Habits of successfully raising Muslim children, which he actually
did a number of years ago, I think it was about more than 10 years ago in the UK, I invited you to give that series of lectures and a tour was highly successful. Everybody loved it. So I thought, let's bring it back. All these goals? Check below.
Do you want to go through the first point?
Yeah, we'll take it point by point. Yeah.
Actually, before we go into the, the points, these are the habits that parents need to develop,
we should be clear about
basic concepts with regards to raising children, right, the fundamental goal of raising Muslim children should be to raise them righteously. It's not just raising them, because they could be raised in all kinds of ways, but raise them righteously.
And we should be, we should have this mindset that raising righteous Muslim children is a bother
it's worship in and of itself. That's how parents worship with their children, with the raising of the children, that whole process is a process of a bagger. So, when we put it in that way, then it means just as with a bad day, you know, we have things which which nullify the bad things, which you know, makes the bad a better and you know, preparations and things like this, that we have all the different acts of a god or whether it is a law, it is Zakah it is fasting, it is had all of these acts of a bada there are always rules and principles governing it. So in the same way
raising Muslim children, if we think of it in terms
then we should be conscious of rules and guidelines and strategies and you know, we should have
proper understanding. It shouldn't be something we just
tumble into. Nobody really told us what to do, when to do how to do where to do it just hit or it's whatever happens and and we learn as we go, you know, we mess up with the first child and the second child would make it a little better than the third child. By the fourth kid. We have perfected what we need to do you know
It shouldn't be like that, we should be clear from the very beginning and
provide and have all the necessary support
strategies around ourselves to ensure that we raise righteous Muslim children. In general, parents should have high goals and expectations for the children, which basically everybody has, you know, that's that's like a given. However, for most people, their high expectations for the children are focused on the dunya worldly success, such as medical degree, engineering degree, law degree, you know, these are from academic and vocational perspective, there are skills which are needed by the Muslim community and an individual's use it to make, you know, a good life for themselves, etc. However, worldly goals should not take precedence over the primary goal.
The primary goal in the life of a Muslim is what is paradise, that's what the goal is. So parents should desire for themselves. And for their children, their high expectations should be getting to paradise, getting our kids to paradise,
and in the process of getting them to paradise, we get ourselves to paradise.
So, this we should keep,
guiding point, always, is this going to help us to get to paradise or, or is it not?
we can say in general, that raising a righteous child
is a way of ensuring that the child gets to paradise
and the prophets are solemn, himself.
He praised the righteously raised child and promised him or her paradise in a very famous Hadith, which is also about seven.
The seven who will be shaded by a law in the shade of his throne on the day when there will be no shade, besides his shape.
Who are they?
The first is a just ruler,
But the second is Shaban. Natasha, fa by that is that a youth who grows up worshipping a lot.
Being under the shade of a lot of stone means you are among those who are going to paradise. That's what that means. So that child who is raised, worshiping Allah, not that they are raised there astray as most of us we end up going astray in the process of growing up. And then later on in our late 20s or early 30s. We start to mature and realize that oh, we were off the path we need to get back on the path. You know, it's good to get back Alhamdulillah but it would be far better if we never left.
The first habit
that we need to develop
is top law.
Okay, the first habit taqwa if this is this is not for development in the child. Yes, we want to collectively develop because there is no paradise without them.
There is no way to paradise but the parents
they should have.
Because the first question we should ask is when should Islamic upbringing begin? When should we start this process?
There's an anecdotal story of a student who wants us to share about raising his child.
His child was only one year old at the time. So he asked the chef, what should I do about you know to raise my child properly. He said the chef told him you have already missed the boat.
if you have already missed the boat
should start before the child is born.
That's the bottom line. It should start before the jump. How? How can it start before the child is born? It is the right of children, that their parents be righteous.
And we all know that Hadith of the Prophet SAW Salaam, you know, men and women are married for four reasons, their wealth, their family status, their beauty and what their piety and he instructed that we marry the pious for a blessed marriage.
That blessed marriage will produced blessed offspring. So this is, this is the beginning point. This is where the duck walk comes in.
Parents designed to raise righteous children should themselves be righteous.
That's the bottom line. That's common sense. They have to work on themselves and their relationship with the law. They need to have knowledge of the deen they choose to have proper Islamic character and so on and so forth.
this habit actually, taqwa
is not the habit of example, we're going to deal with that later.
This is the habit of Baraka. The blessing to get a lot of blessing. If people are themselves righteous allow will protect their children in this life.
This is among the fruits of taqwa.
We all know the famous story in soil calf about Musa and
when further explained that he rebuilt the wall because the Lord wanted him to protect a treasure left for two offers that was beneath the wall.
He said, we're Canna abou masala.
And their father was a righteous man.
Because the father was righteous, a law protected
So parents must be sure that they're all nakida is correct, that they have a close relationship with a law that was put their updater into practice. Because we all say yeah, I believe in the law one God and I only worship him. But in day to day life, it's not visible. It's only in the masjid. It's only in Ramadan, on EAD, etc.
Most Muslims know that Allah is
one of his names the provider. So they should seek their provisions through halau sources and leave the outcome to Allah. However, most people today
their focus is on the livelihood, just getting that livelihood by any means necessary.
And they will put their children and their religion
at loss in order to get the risk, even though it's already written.
So many Muslims ended up in Riba
or they migrate to non Muslim countries
and try to raise their children there. Because in those non Muslim countries, you know,
they pay you not to work.
You know, you'll hear people talk about Oh, in the UK and Norway and you know, Canada. They pay you not to work. That's Jenna. In the third world where the rest of us are. If you don't work, you don't live.
You die, you starve. You better be working till they put you in the grave. But they're gentle so people are going there at all costs and the children become lost
their horror stories, go to the moms of the master
The West, and they will tell you no end of horror stories.
Stories that make your skin crawl. you cringe when you hear it.
that's the bottom line. But a lot told us when we hit up the law, you know,
whoever fears all over make a whale for him. Don't put your dean and your children
Throw them into production with your own hands for the sake of the dunya.
So we need to be aware As parents, we need to be on the right track. If we are to raise righteous children.
It means that we practice the deen in its completeness.
Parents should also keep away from sins.
And remember that the ends do not justify the means. The ends are usually not what you expected.
And among the advice which was given with regards to this is to be aware of the insignificance. eoco Mahabharata Zulu, beware of the scorn since there are like a people who can build the bottom of the valleys to the process, as I've said, and one comes with a twig, another one brings a tweet from another place and the other one brings it till they make a bonfire and bake their bread.
Indeed, as he said, scoring sins, whenever they are adopted, they destroy those who do them.
The little else only a little sin, it's a minor sin. You know, inshallah, Allah is a former Rahim. He'll forgive us.
What do you think about that?
shake that up? Yeah. What do you think? Yeah, I'm just writing it down as a point because it's something which is absolutely the way shaytan has interacted with the Muslim community at the moment, particularly in the West and those bringing the kids up, in in places of extreme danger. Like in the West, we see the slowly but surely is ebbing away at them at their Islamic consciousness and stopping them from doing those minor good deeds as well. The good the small, righteous, good deeds, and then from there shaytan is then making them unaware of those small deeds, those those small sins. And yeah, Chef, I totally agree. And that is, uh, you know, this is like going back in
the day, isn't it? I mean, we used to have lectures like this on a daily basis in the massagin. In the West, you remember those times? And now check that out. You can't find those programs, the Islamic programs, where are they? Where are the scholars sitting with the, with the you know, forget the children that the parents, you know, so your parents are in massive danger from committing minor sins and just thinking it's irrelevant. It's very, very dangerous
to become numbed. You know, in the non Muslim society, you become numb, because you see corruption around you
guys to see you know, some of the brothers who you know, from from the east from the Muslim world who had come to give talks, he should
he walked the streets if
you guys are dealing with this every day
it's just the corruption and the fitna and facade
You know, we've become so numb to it. You don't even realize it's happening. You say, oh, oh, that does that bother you.
You become numb chef. And
we're seeing now Yeah. And Hammad Thompson would know that as well and living in Auckland.
But but it's we are desensitized and against these minor sins and even the major sins. I mean, we're having discussions now. online about Okay, it's fine to have a dog in your house now. It's fine to do piercing the face. tattooing is okay. These are things which are
Now becoming normal. We've got these Instagram warriors out there, mother and father going out. Woman is heavily made up. Okay? And the husband is flirting and you know and dancing with her with. And this apparently is the new dalla.
This is the new Tao. So these are the parents of those children. What do you
what are the children?
Now, honestly, I've been invited on a few shows I had to decline because I was so shocked. You know, I'm not I'm not Mr. pious, number one great Muslim myself. But the thing is, when I look at this, I think, Wow, let me just draw a line that is just draw is draw the line in the sand quick before it disappears.
Just remind myself, it really, really is short. It's shocking time. So yes, staying away from the minus, that's kind of like the first point wrapped up shake below having taqwa having the parents maintaining their Islamic credentials, and connection or connectivity with a creator. And staying away from the minus since.
That's what the the second habit. You know, I mean, this, as we, as we said, the process of raising those righteous children had to begin even before
the child comes. So we said, First hobbit was, you have to have righteous people in the beginning. I mean, these are the people that are going to care and make sure that the children are raised the righteous way, and Allah will give his backup. The second habit is law.
I mean, of course, this is part of the righteous way, you know, because once a righteous husband has found the righteous wife, they're going to make do out to him all to grant them righteous children, children, who will have the wisdom to obey and worship Him, and hope, between fear and hope.
So it is the right one thing we should keep in mind. It is the right of children, Muslim children, that their parents pray for them.
Why? Why is it so important? Because do I,
we all know is the only thing that can change other
and when we look into the Quran,
we find a law constantly mentioning the righteous praying for their offspring. Allah describes a Bible rock man we all know
the true worshipers of the Most Merciful.
He describes them as making the Doha robina habla Minh as wodgina was the re Arjuna kurata.
Or Lord, grant us spouses and children who bring happiness to our eyes.
That just said that sometimes coolness dries but in English, you know, what is coolness to your eye actually.
Anyway, but it's happiness, that when you look at them, you know you feel happy, your eyes are pleased seeing them.
So, that was the way
of the righteous as ally described them and that was the way of the prophets. You find for example, in Surah, Allah marohn prophet Zakaria is praying Rob be happily men do casual return by a button in Nakasone.
Oh my Lord, grant me a good offspring from yourself.
You are indeed all here of prayers.
Allah gave him Zakat, yahia gave Prophet zaccaria Allah described Yeah, here Whoa, whoa, hi Nana. Little I don't know was the carton work Allah Tapia. I made him and I said I made him compassion. Pure from sin. And he was righteous and dutiful to his parents.
And he was neither arrogant nor disobedient.
This is the benefit of the DA This is the back of the DA so sincere do our must be made from the bottom of our hearts with a sense of
certainty that it will be answered.
Because prophecies are seldom said or law I'm to move on, I believe Java color a lot being certain that your prayers will be answered that we don't call them along with or maybe he will maybe he won't.
I don't already know. We have to have real belief that the law will answer these prayers. If we have that sincere
about promise is true.
not only will the sincere do I be accepted from the righteous,
but do I in general?
If people are not
good or not doing what is pleasing to a law, then the drawers are not gonna be accepted.
I will what I reported the process element saying all people indeed a law is good and pure. And he only accepts what is good and pure.
Yeah, you are.
Sorry, I did promise I'll send them then. quoted from Swan will be known. Yeah, you are Russell kulu minutos de Bharti Rama Lu saleha. In nee Dima Tama Luna honey, all messengers, eat from the good things and do righteous deeds, indeed, and well acquainted with whatever you do. Because as I said, Allah commanded the believers to do what he commanded us to do.
And then he went on to say, Oh, you believe you can do good things that are provided for you.
Now, the bottom line is that
he went on then to explain about an hour long journey, who's here with disheveled and dusty, raising up his hands to the sky,
calling on a law saying, Oh, my lord, oh, my god. But his place of eating was
his place of drinking with his clothing was Haram. And he was fed with
how could his prayers be answered, as a result of that? That was above that sentence statement. So the DA,
included in that is giving your child a good name,
which will remind the child of good
has a good meaning. Those who had that name before were righteous people who you can speak about, explain to the child, don't call your child, you know, rock, Rocky, you know,
any other kind of negative names with no meaning or crazy sounding or whatever? No. Different because you want a different name? No, you want a name, which the child will be proud of.
And the process or sentiment said name your children? Well, because they'll be called by those names on the Day of Judgment.
And in terms of law, there's another very important point. And that is, before having sexual relations with one's wife
do I should be made to protect the offspring from satanic influences along homogenic Nash's agenda? Dr. Paula keeps you away from us, and from what you grant us, so this is a should be a norm. Regular we're trying to have children, we have children by having sexual relations. So but the key is that not that it's not a matter of enjoyment, etc. But you have to think in terms of the consequence, sank along in this way. Ask a law to protect.
So what do you think you
shake well out, of course, the issue is something which again,
you know, I was talking to a couple of
television the other day, and we were talking about
the DA that we actually do in front of the children to get the children used to that type of communication as well. And that's what I've been doing a lot recently with with my younger one, my two that I've got left here. Yeah, there's of escape the roost and got married and stuff. So and I noticed that has a positive impact shift. So yes, Dora is something which is
The Forgotten weapon of the believer, as we understand it, the way it's described.
And and it's it there's sincerity behind it,
praying in the last third of the night or getting up before fudger and crying to a love for your children and for their well being and and of course for your well being, because your children's well being is your well being as well, like you've explained. And you know, as it's clearly described in the Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu al Islam and so I I see that this element is communication between the parent and the child is paramount. Especially when when they understand you're making up for them. Martial Arts about a cola
also wants to say something.
gonna move on here because your battery? Yeah. down to 19.
Okay, I'll be faster than we expected. Yeah, yeah. All right. So anyway, the circuit happens, right? is having a sound disciplinary system. Right, to, to discipline your kids? You know, it's not just letting the kids do anything they want to do. I mean, some parents are just like, you know, the kids, you know, them learn, it's okay, the small, you know, no, discipline needs to be there. Islam is a religion of discipline.
What is fasting about? discipline? What's five times daily prayer about the discipline, what's hides about the discipline, discipline is critical in the life of the believer. So we have to provide that to the for the children, from the earliest ages, that we can, that it's appropriate. But
when we talk about discipline, it's, it should be discipline, according to the way the Prophet saws.
And what did Anna's say about the process of discipline?
He never had been
at any time.
So one basic principle we have to reintroduce, important for raising larger children is to avoid hitting as much as possible, especially out of anger.
People can't control the company, you know, you allow the kid to do it, to do it, to do it, you finally reach the end of town, you crash, you explode, and you hurting them, hurting them.
And this goes
all the way to our grand schools. Our motto says they are known for the stick. And you try to tell these
grand teachers, please don't hit the kids.
Are you going to teach her and without hitting? You tell me, he's you know, they just reject this idea. You cannot teach the Quran without hitting. Yeah, and I remember before when I was trying to promote this idea, and bring it into my dresses talking there, but there were people who tell me I'm a graduate from Medina University, you know, Sheffield, Ireland's also. So they're willing, but when I say no hitting
Where did Where did you get this idea from? Tell us one country in the world where God is taught without eating? And at that time, I didn't know any. It turns out there are many actually Muslim countries where they are following this principle in Malaysia, you get in
Maldives, you get it in 100 other countries that are raising Quran coming to you know, with the karate and everything, no hitting. But for the majority 90% 80% of the Muslim world. You can only teach by hitting that's it. It's easy. It's quick.
What do you do instead? What do you do for children, we use other methods. We take away their favorite toys,
put them in timeout. You put them back bedroom, stay in the room. You know, you can come down and play with the others. Whatever.
So deprivation, you deprive of certain things. You don't have to hit, just deprived and eventually they know
They're gonna misbehave tell them, you want to go back to the bedroom,
they want to go back to your room, they have their own whatever,
then we have also come from the other side, what they call positive reinforcement. So you try to reinforce good behavior. Whenever you catch them doing a good thing, they did some good things, then you praise them, you hug them, you, you know, give them physical attention, and, you know, so they get the idea, the more I do this, the more I get hugs, the more I get, you know, support and I get, you know, candy or get whatever.
So, this is called positive reinforcement, of course, in the ground school, what positive reinforcement? What planet are you on, if that's their attitude, you, but the point is that, if they have a pattern of bad behavior,
you know, like lying or not sharing, with the siblings fighting with the siblings, not listening, when you tell them, then what you do is you praise the opposite behavior. So whenever they tell the truth, you make a big thing of it, whenever, you know, they are kind to their siblings, you make a big thing, that's very nice, you know, very good, you know, you're a good boy, you know, good girl, whatever. So this is what they call positive reinforcement. You also can do things like behavioral charts, you know, you can make a chart on the wall, every time the kid does a good thing and make a tick, or you put a star you put something. And if you get so many stars, and you get
to go to the park, you get to go to this, you get to do this or whatever, there's no reward. But something they can see behavior charts, they can see this, Okay, enough text to do this, this week, I need to do more good. So it helps to motivate them. And then
you need to be consistent. That's very, very important point in terms of discipline, you need to be consistent. You can't just as I mentioned the beginning, just, you know, do whatever you got to do, it's the hitting, and we said no more hitting, but you do whatever you want to do.
Just when you reach your wit's end, you know, they've annoyed you Enough, enough, enough enough that all
parents are, you know, moms are famous for this, because they're busy doing other things, and the kid is okay, okay, again, it's time to finally
know, don't don't don't, you know, this, I mean, there may be sometimes you may have it, you know, of course, in the West thing.
You better do it behind closed doors and make nobody thought about it. Because, you know, you will end up in jail, you know, the children will be taken away from you and all that. So, there's no hitting, but the reality is that, the point is that there may be a time the kid is putting is too young, he's putting his finger in the socket, you know, you can't deprive them of anything too young to understand this. But if you just give him a little thing on his hand,
okay? That, you know, that speaks, but you don't have to graduate from that now to you know, getting the belt out and whacking them. And
this, but there may be certain circumstances where that is the appropriate action, most effective because the child can understand anything else.
So, but the point is that you should be consistent, you know, you if you're going to use the timeout, use it consistently, don't use it some days and don't don't do some other days, and so on. So, are you telling them they're grounded, they can go out to the park and go and play with it. You do it some days, and they do the same thing later on, then you let them go? No, you have to be consistent. Because, you know, it's, it's, this is the Pavlov
system, right? You keep doing the same thing, you know, then the kid learns, and it becomes automatic. So you have to be consistent. And you have to understand the age groups that you're dealing with because for many parents the first time they're in parenthood in everything, and the kid starts acting this way or that way, the other way this thing up, Muslims, Jin, possessed, you know, get the clotting.
Gifts up. No, come breed over my kid, man. It's just going crazy. To You know, there are stages in the child's development. You know, it's known what they call the terrible tools and snow across the planet.
The kids that age have to around two before and after they're rebellious. It's just part of them developing their character. They rebel, they say, No, no, the learning is. So that's the norm. It's not a gym, you know,
in the age of three, they love to play a lot. age of four, they ask many questions, and they want answers. age of five, they love to imitate them to copy, age of six, they like to stand out and be noticed, you know, people see them. These are stages, child psychologists will tell you, yeah, these are stages that the children go through, you need to know them, you need to be aware of them. So you don't think that you know, the kids are going crazy. And bringing the quality is not bad. You know, crime right over the kids Anyway, you should do that. And it's good. It's part of our cinema.
But don't misunderstand
natural changes in their psychological development, and blame it on the gym.
Okay, so let's move on then to the fourth habit, that fourth habit is education. What we can say about education is that it is the right for Muslim children, that they be educated islamically
educated Islamic, and
we should build an understanding in the children from the earliest ages of connection with a law
aqeedah which is number one, in Islam. It's Laila law law. So we tried to instill in them a love of the law, and the fear of Allah from the earliest ages.
Talk to them about Helen heaven. You know, of course, somebody was no, it's not good to, you know, scare the kids, and you don't have to go into, you know, the details of you know, your skin will be burnt off. And,
you know, but this is not a good place. You know, if you want to avoid this, you know, this is the hell we are trying to get to paradise.
What is paradise, all the things and we stress, more so on that than the helper, but if you don't know what is the opposite, then
the child is not discouraged from doing the opposite.
So it's important for us to instill in them a love of the prophets are seldom, and give them you know, formal lessons in Akita, and a flop, you know, manners, Islamic manners, behavior for morality.
So, we should start them early with the prayer. I mean, they'll start on their own. It's very common for children to imitate their parents and start praying, but we need to connect them this prayer is not just a physical altar, but connect them with a law that this is for a lot, not just to show off to your parents, you know.
So, very, very important for us to educate the children islamically. And that's why, you know, I've spent a lot of time trying to promote the idea of Islamization of education, or integration of education. So if children are raised with the second systems that are in place today, all around the world, developing the second West, but has expanded to all around the world now, standard textbooks teaching the same things, etc. Where there is no room for a law. There is no room for Islam. You know, the children, how are we going to expect the children to grow up with any kind of consciousness when they say, Okay, well, we teach them at home, but they spend more time in school.
And for sure, the parents are going to have the least influence. They'll be overcome the children will, we will say but but my teacher said, you know, even when he was a prince tried to start with Baba, my teacher said, you know, so very important that your children go to Islamic schools.
schools where they teach modern science etc. Modern knowledge along with Islamic knowledge, and best is when it is integrated. If not, then you have to work at home, you have to make up that difference. So when the children are learning, mathematics,
two plus two equals four, you know, they have to learn the stupid, you tell them Okay, listen,
you know, in the morning, when we pray, fudger, pray to Raka.
And then we pray to Raka Ferb. They know that. So how many records did you make? For, okay? You've just connected them. It's as easy as that, that whatever they're learning, try to give them connections, which, with Islam, in one way or another.
The fifth habit
is to be the best example.
To be the best example to your children.
They should see Islam in you. That's when we said at the very beginning, that a righteous husband, righteous wife, will produce righteous children, blessed by Allah. And from this perspective, you know, children imitate their parents. If a mother is modest, shy, where's the job, the daughters will be that way. If the mother is gentle, the children will be gentle.
If the children see the mother exerts himself to worship Allah, they will want to come here. If she yells and screams and hits, they will do the same. If she controls her anger, so will the children.
If parents, especially the mother are not affectionate,
not kind, I have some people say,
in our family, nobody says they love each other. You've never heard dad say to Mom, I love you. Or Dad, Mom, say to the kids, we love you. You know, it's not said it's just not a part of culture. No, this is not Islamic.
This is not Islamic, that love should be expressed. The children should hear it from their parents. And they should share it amongst themselves. That sense of love in Word, and indeed.
So we need to be the best example to our children. If we want them to be righteous, then we need to be righteous, we have to be very careful that we don't function according to the principle that some parents will tell. Do as I say, not as I do.
Because of course, then you will tell them don't do this. And then they see you doing everything that you ask them over. Why Why do as I say, not as I do, there's reasons for why I do what I do. But you do what I tell you. But this is not the nature of kids.
So if the mother's life, father's life, so when the children
oftentimes parents inadvertently teach your children how to lie. For example, if somebody calls, who you don't want to speak with, they call on the phone, your mobile, whatever, you tell the kids tell them I'm not here.
or the mother may tell the children to hide certain things from the Father.
character in the children. We can't compromise on this.
You know, we have to be the best example. Whenever we have to break these rules in a way because society requires it. We do it, you know, hidden in private, not in front of our children.
So same thing with Mom and Dad, you know, yeah, we will argue we will have disagreements, but don't do it in front of the children don't get into you know, fights, screaming, shouting, throwing things and because that's what you're going to produce.
So, character, moral behavior, manners. This is the deal processor and said Mr. bress, to Lieutenant oma Carmela. I was only sent to perfect for you the highest of moral
This is what Islam is all about.
So very important that the parents should want their children to know read Islam,
which might seem strange, due to the many non Islamic influences in the outer world.
So, they should want to be the best influence in their children's life.
And they have to demonstrate go out of their way to counter what's happening outside the home, especially in the western things like this. They have to plan strategize, find ways to educate, they have to educate themselves, take a course in, you know, child psychology, etc, you know, to help because, especially in western circumstances, in secular circumstances, we need all the information we can get
to help us to be the best example for our children.
The sixth habit is to provide a positive environment,
the environment in which the child lives, the household environment, it should be peaceful, has been in wife should not show conflict in front of the children, there should not be.
As we said, in terms of example,
they should see their mother as an obedient wife, they should see their father as a supportive, you know,
was their member, he's not insulting the mother in front of them, etc, otherwise, they grew up insulting their parents. So, the environment of the home, in terms of what we have on the walls,
you know, what we have in terms of magazines, what is on the TV, what is the internet, access to the internet, all of this is important, we don't just let the kids go anything anywhere on the internet, you have no idea what they're doing, what they've gotten to where they have been to, who's very dangerous. Now, in the past, it was, you know, much less now it's just, there's a world of corruption, etc, the internet now for us, is very, very serious. We have to control it, don't
use it to keep them busy. So you can carry on and do what you have to do.
You should have cron and Hadith mentioned in the family read or on Fridays or
in the evening, before going to bed, you know, this elements should be there with explanation not just reading just for Baraka, but reading to help
build the Islamic knowledge within the home.
So, the home itself should be an environment that encourages Islam in practice,
and we should remove all of the negative influences from the
reach of the children some things it may be better not to have it you know, something like television,
if you know you don't have a means to keep it under control, better not to have.
So, we have to be
careful too, to remove from our home whenever can misguide the children, if we can control it.
And the seventh habit, I got
the battery's almost gone
is what is called attachment parenting.
From the very beginning,
that you should build a bond between yourself and the child a bond of love.
This is the right of the child that they should feel this bonding
for for the baby in the earliest stages. Obviously, it's going to be breastfeeding.
And what they say is, it should be breastfeeding on demand.
Have the child sleep with you in the bed don't put the child in a crib
Very, very important, you can see to the little kids that are growing up, you know, when when you're not there just physically not there, they're upset, they're uncomfortable.
You want them to build that link.
So the child feels very close. And they've shown scientifically that the first five years are the most crucial in forming the future personality of the child. Most problems as teens come from early childhood,
need the need to love.
You know, where kids are denied love, that love helps to stabilize their character.
Five years fundamental, the first five years are fundamental in building future character.
So it's important to keep the children as close to you as possible, eliminate as many outside influences as possible during this period. And if you can homeschool the children don't be in a rush to throw them in the crush, get them out of the way. So you can get
those early ages just look at the before schooling is to start around seven, that's it, that's when kids went to school, then there was preschool, and then not before, then they became crash. So the child is three years old, and putting them taking them out of the home.
This is critical, you know, children's character are built in the spirit, don't expect, you know, nurseries and that to provide what you would for your child.
You have to give them that love in those early years. Very, very, very important to know they call it attachment parenting,
keep that bond strong, a bond of gentleness, of love, of, of
trust, expectations fulfilled, you know, that builds a character that fits right into the Islamic mold. So know the practices of keeping children away from the parents. So the parents can have private time and this kind of thing to a to an extreme.
Where we just give kids you know, the
mobiles and whatever else and TV and internet, keep them busy, just keep them busy. So you can know it's better to keep them close, better for us to sacrifice from our time, our energy, etc. to build that bond, that child will love you till you die.
So that's basically the seventh point. And Sharla my battery has about
10 10% left.
Everything, everything dies, even the battery here.
Cooler, nothing there.
So, yeah, just awful shape below for the seven habits. Let's just summarize them then, in a very, very quick, succinct way so that our audiences, especially those that have been on all the way through, will get the benefit. I'm always trying to recommend people write it down like the old school days. Now we don't write it down, write down the points now get a pen, get some paper and start implementing it in your household straight away. This is we're not doing this just for like sore sharing or rubbish like that we're doing this because we want to benefit the oma out there. And we want to go back to what changed the early generations and how they bought up their kids. And this
is what this check is talking about. Check. Do you want to just summarize very briefly, in your own words, the seven points. You know
what, maybe you're in the best position. Well, now I can look at
1.1234 and then you can interrupt when I get things slightly. No. Okay, so the first one is taqwa. The first habit of successfully raising Muslim children, creating an environment of taqwa of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And this means that the parents have to have Taqwa and attachment to Allah subhanho wa Taala. The second is da da to make lots of art for your children, to make lots of art for your children with sincerity and that sense
said I will, Allah subhanho wa Taala will protect those children with that sincere.
And I've always liked to make dua in front of my children, I think that's a great benefit. The third is a disciplinary system in the household, to bring up children so that you know that they they understand that there is a purpose. And there's a methodology for bringing children up. That is really important, for example, and Shaykh mentioned, and it's even Malik never got hit and I've never I believe he never got shouted at by the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam, not just it, you just didn't don't do this was never something which was in the narrative of the Prophet Mohammed Salah Laval, Islam, and consistency, consistency of messaging, which is where a lot of us are
falling down massively. The fourth, can I just jump into one of the few notes as well. So he also mentioned you, you said consistency already. So I had that reward the good, reward the good and sort of shine away from when they're not so good. Just sort of like, yeah, just put more emphasis on the good. You're just Yes.
Yes, yes. Don't whack them in. Okay. All right. So this is the point about education. The fourth point is education. The education system has to be right. It's a right of the child to get Islamic education to understand why they born, why they were created, and when what's going to happen when they die. The basic stuff.
And the the non Muslim or sort of state school system should be avoided as much as possible. This was a point. Is there any point you got from point four? Yep. Islamic integration of education, Islamic integration of education, I believe psicologos, international online universities is doing that, you know, so change the name, and now it's integrating Islamic into the education so that way people can relate to it, is when they learn all the sciences and chemistry and physics and all that sort of thing. And the Islamic point of view from it, inshallah is all color hair, color hair, be the best examples is the fifth is love and be the best example what what is the title for the fifth
chef, best example, best example.
was best example. Be the best example.
Okay, might have frozen out. But anyway, these be the best example express this do as I do, not, as I say, mentioned, do as a do, not as a shareholder. Say, unfortunately, the shake has had to quickly leave because the battery died.
express it and share it love in the household, and be the best possible character, the best influence in the best character. So they listen to what you're saying. So panela that was
point 5.6 was building a positive environment, peaceful, peaceful environment, no conflicts that parents shouldn't show the conflict and the arguments they're having, it should not be in that regard. Also, remove negative influences. Yeah, remove and it could be television, it could be distractions, it could be, you know, things going on, you know, areas where they get involved in. And also to mention Quran and Hadith on a daily basis with understanding and meaning.
And then he mentioned about the fact that there's huge corruption in the world today and you have to keep those kids away from that. So that that builds and reinforces that positive environment in the house.
Any more points remove negative influences, remove the negative influences that you can't control the internet. You have to kind of move on and get rid of it. Just replace it with something which is better which is the Sunnah of the prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam remove that that negative thing with a with a positive thing which is which is good, Mashallah. Also any more points.
The final point was attachment parenting, attachment parenting, so build
an incredible bond of love between you and the children. The Shaykh mentioned
between you and the children a bond of love, and it is their right to have this bond.
of love in the in the household
he mentioned on this point the Shaykh mentioned that we should try to homeschool our children where possible don't just send them out to them a Doris the mattresses and expect that those children should just suddenly just like miraculously evolved into these wonderful Muslim children
and that firstly by first five years fundamental and creating good character yeah is what are you making this well some say could go the first seven years but it's least getting those earliest years you need to start from young started 10 and 12 and 15 sale now I'm going to teach how to pray and and thing that they haven't seen anything from all the beginning 15 years or so. The other one just you know love is talking about strong bond love, trust
and just respecting them as being human beings. Absolutely. So I think that's that then the shakes battery died. And then we were left just to
go over over the seven points as well. He's just testing us he's probably listening now and to seeing whether we're actually really listening to what he's saying and taking notes so hopefully he can give us a pass rate or something on whether we took enough yes and remembered everything, shall we actually attachment parenting and through Islamic advice
is mentioning that there's loads and loads and loads and loads of comments we can't just can't possibly keep up with them.
hopefully the shake will have a long life and not not like the battery.
mill panatela give Shaikh Bilal a long life and I enabled him to be able to continue giving advice to the Ummah all around the world. You seen in basically brothers and sisters this let you know when we were learning from shake bow. Back in the days when we first embrace Islam. Allah subhanho wa Taala enabled us and gave us the ability to learn how to shake Bilaal and the Quran and Hadith It was quite an amazing astounding
thing that we had this, this group, well, basically I bought the shake, and he did a tour of the UK.
And he he went through the Seven Habits of parenting in around seven to eight cities. I my wife is doing the preparation in the kitchen, so she's making lots of noise, so please forgive me. If this is the case. We don't have big policies. We just have very, very small
or somebody thinks you're very funny brother Thompson By the way, I don't know why. I don't know why. I mean, you don't look that funny to me. Maybe I'm just a joke.
So Allah subhanho wa Taala you know, really, really allow our brothers and sisters who are listening to this series of lectures from check below. Hopefully I'm going to try and get him on next week to go through you know, these points a little bit more in shuttle it is now a lot of other good news is chick fil a has created a students on his page that really are notetakers you see, so everybody's going through all the different seven points and just paraphrasing all of what Shaykh has said so that's really amazing. Amazing, amazing. Look, it's all about trying to get as much beneficial knowledge out there as possible. Brother Thompson looks calm.
Are you calm? Brother? hamdulillah I'm in New Zealand. We're very calm over here. Absolutely. Did you benefit from that? I mean, we were almost beyond the age. I mean, I've got a 12 year old your children are very much 30s
so I checked those back he's back he's kind of the greatest he's probably come to take with me got it right yeah the people watching you're still putting all their habits down envelopes good. I'm taking notes
unfortunately a lot of people are complaining about their messages not being read I'm really sorry sincerely alpha last panel intelligence enables to open them up and read them next week. Maybe if shake that off and come back we can go through all his shake the last and I'm only come you back
from the iPhone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. switch between the devices.
But the joys of living in Africa with uncertain power. Yeah, yeah. uncertainty. Yes. Yes.
Granted yeah we've got a lot of questions shape below by the way loads and loads of questions. We're probably going to have to answer them on another show unless you have I've tried to pick up some of the the questions
well, everybody's welcome you back and it says I'm a fad. Allah subhanaw taala reward you've got people from Spain we've got Philippines we've got every part of the world has been callin Yes. Yeah.
I saw the you know, the chat showed people come in over sending messages and that that's from everywhere, masala
and shake, just let you know, everybody has written down the seven points. A lot of people have written down the seven points and they're putting them on the message there. So they've picked up the all they have to do is implement the seven points now. Australia by the way, on. We've got
anybody else want to mention where they're from? Hopefully parents get the correct correct their attachment styles. Oh, that's gone that?
Yes, hey, do you want to get quick and fast is to
see the food too fast, you won't pay anything to wind up the program. Just to give a small naseeha to our brothers and sisters or you just want to interact with the comments. South Africa, Bangladesh, Nigeria, USA,
all of them are on watching listening. The whole world is listening to die. UK?
Well, you know, I mean, I think I've said plenty.
clear. And the number seven is not a, you know, written in stone. You know, Quranic revelation,
you know, the prophet SAW Selim use seven for the
the people who would be shaded by lost throne. And we pray that these seven habits will help us to put our children under the shade of Allah's throne, and that we be among them. Be with them, inshallah, and Jenna. And the key, as we said, in the very beginning, just to repeat the point of a Bada, that raising children islamically. This is an act of ibadah. And we have to look at it that way, if we're able to have that kind of a focus, and realize that everything, all these points that we mentioned and discussed and all that, all of it goes back to perfecting the bother of raising Muslim children righteous Muslim children. So, Charlize, you said next week, if you want to gather
up all the questions, I don't know, they're still existence, you can go back and sift through them and pull out and then put them in different categories, organize them, etc. and we can try to give them some funds for each shot. Because of course,
I'm giving general general guidelines, and there's always a lot of specifics and specific circumstances, etc, which need advice and direction Sharla.
Apparently, Crystal was asking you below Phillips is a Muslim? And none of that's a question or a statement? No, I think it was.
I was answering another question where it says,
Oh, he's a Muslim. Yes, I believe.
We will, we will live our lives as believers, believers and we die as believers.
Of course, it is striving to follow the way
in righteous, righteous predecessors, the way of the Prophet Muhammad wa sallam
righteous caliphs and the righteous generations that preceded us that this is the correct understanding of what Islam is. And of course, that's what I will follow. I may not be carrying a badge on my shoulder on my chest saying, I must
be beating that drum all the time. Some people, that's what they, you know, we got to beat it into people's heads, you know?
If taken that's fine. I prefer to you know,
get the message across through
You know, authentic content, I mean, the Islamic online.
the understanding of Islam and integrating that under understanding with
modern areas of study and research and, and knowledge, which is necessary for developing our Muslim communities globally.
shala I think somebody is mentioning, don't forget to bring your cell phone charger, but the problem is shakila is in a part of the world that lacks electricity a lot of the time. So that is not an issue for him him that is maybe the authorities that need to look out and try and build better. Better structure is the self
It has its limitations.
is gone for a whole day. You know, the power bank doesn't last for the whole day. Yeah, yeah.
So yeah, I think, yeah, definitely Shake what we're gonna do, we're gonna try and go through some of these questions, and then put them in different categories. And then next week, we can come on and we can deal with those questions. And those comments, I think there's going to be more than one week because there's over 1000 people responding 1000 Yeah, it's notes on that. So I think there's a lot of good ones they want some more depth in depth on parenting and things like that
is from the law I think that way plenty of time to continue to expand on a dismiss the seven habits to go on for months just on expanding on those and going in depth on some of the questions that are being put forward. So
what was the point wasn't it Mohammed Thompson, bring back this whole knowledge, these this all this knowledge, which is unfortunately been forgotten, and our relationship with the scholars and the Taliban has been lessened and weakened and weakened and now we're just saying, oh, what should we do with the kids today? How should we bring the kids up I'll just send them to the local school unless handle Intel is going to support it let's have though aka let's just forget about you know, doing the actions of a Muslim and a good Muslim parent. And then what's happened now is our children are just spending all their time online
and that you know, is you know, we mentioned shake below just something which I really want to pull out of the air from from from this discussion so far.
our children are being influenced now by youtubers is not television. Television is actually a minor. In fact, I was having a conversation with my wife the other day, I was saying, Let's bring back television is good.
We've got an alternative is an absolute disaster is youtubers shouting
insanity about children, profanities and insanities about children and this is the new normal.
Wow. So I don't know how we deal with that.
Yeah, it's difficult. We have to create our own bubbles. Yes, yeah.
That's what this is what this platform is for to help put a balance and
bring back television all is forgiven shaker.
The genies out the genies out it's a bit hard to put it back Yeah, yeah, I know but certainly next week, we're going to try and organize these questions into categories brothers and sisters and I know shake blouse been around for over an hour hour and then he went off for a bit an hour and 15 minutes that we've been talking on this show, but I guess we're gonna have to wind up the show and bring it back next week at the same time 10 o'clock UK time. Whatever time that is your time. You know, we're gonna get back on and inshallah be in our last panel Italia. We're going to go through some of these points from the seven points go through some of the questions and observations and
comments and bring out the best ones. Okay, so Masha Allah May Allah subhanaw taala protect you brothers and sisters and allow you to bring up issues as good Muslims and muslimah shake bow. Thank you very much meal as panatela guides you and continue to guide you and benefit you and put you in
You know, in a great state of being off, unfortunately, he's gone. Well, and we've gone again.
So and thank you for all the views and the comments in Sharla. As for the use of said, we're gonna we couldn't answer them tonight because they're coming thick and fast. So inshallah we're going to put them together and put it to future programs and show starting from next week. shakes back again.
Yeah, just wind up, just say Salaam shake. And we'll come on next week in Charlotte. All right, Baraka shukran, for having me. And
we hope that the message reached
as many as Allah will them to reach and we ask Allah to put it in a lot of good deeds.
we ask a lot to guide and protect all of those who have attended the program, protect them from the COVID physical aspects of dangers in the life needy. And from the spiritual challenges and
psychological challenges. We ask a lot to protect our own mind. And to bring it back to its glory. Once again, with our efforts, by His mercy Sharla I mean,
all of us,
Chef, and Mama Thompson, and all of the audience, and join us
for another show tonight at 7pm. UK time, whatever time that is in your district. We're going to be talking about the fallout from the Christchurch terrorist attack. We're going to be having some really interesting guests on there from New Zealand. from all around the world as well from the UK shake was in khamsum should be on course I'll be here Mohammed Thompson will be here. And we'll have some people that were survivors and people that were impacted by that terrible terrorist incident, which killed 51 of our brothers and sisters nearly 18 months ago. So join us that in sha Allah and also next week we shake bow will continue this incredible discussion about seven habits of
successfully raising Muslim parents. First is the parents and the kids as well as the kids and the parents. Insha Allah
was Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah he was about a cancer
to live but I got to see Amanda