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Social Conduct – Part 3

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Mufti Menk

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. smilla al hamdu lillahi wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah, he was happy he nominated a Buddha who about welcome back to the program, social conduct of a Muslim Alhamdulillah we had actually looked into the relationship between a husband and a wife and Mashallah, we had quite a bit of feedback, with a lot of people actually expressing that the points are very simplified. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all the ability to fulfill whatever was said in May, Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all happy marriages and happy homes. I mean, we wish to take the circle a little bit further and my request is in sha Allah, I hope and I

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pray that the same way we took the husband and wife relation seriously and the rights and the guidelines, we should also take the following points seriously, we are going to mention the relationship between the children and the parents. Obviously after people are married insha Allah May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all pious offspring, everyone is looking forward to offspring that are the coolness of their eyes. And the obviously the parents are making a dua and they always make it to as Allah subhanho wa Taala as mentioned in the Quran, from the point that the mother is actually pregnant, do as begin to be made. In fact, maybe even prior to that, that he Allah grant us

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a child that will be pious grant as a child that will be the coolness of our eyes, etc, etc. Now, the difficulty is, when the child is born and after the child is born, do we forget the fact that we called out to Allah subhanho wa Taala asking him about all this goodness, if we do then we are guilty of being engaged in na shoukry that meaning being ungrateful to Allah subhanho wa Taala This is what it is known as. But if we are from amongst those who follow through this Nima of Allah the gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala and we actually then grant this child the upbringing that the child deserves, then inshallah we will be from amongst those who will be successful in the dunya as well

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as in the era and Allah subhanho wa Taala will make easy for us the life on this dunya and thereafter, when he takes us away inshallah, he will take us away whilst we are smiling. So we are going to discuss the rights of a child over the parents, which means what should the parents do, obviously, when a child is born, then it is the duty of the parents to ensure that the event is called in the right ear, the comma in the left ear, according to some of the a hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and thereafter the The technique is to actually get something sweet, a date or something, chewed a little bit and placed under the palate or onto the palate of the little

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child. This is the tsunami of loss Allahu alayhi wa sallam, and thereafter the Africa Africa is to slaughter an animal and we viola, we should find out from them the exact details. According to the method we are following according to the Hanafi method for a male it is actually two small animals. And for a female it is one small animal on the seventh day or any day, which happens to be a multiple of the seventh day. So this is actually a duty upon the parents may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to fulfill this at all times. And after the applica obviously, the shaving off of the hair and giving out a little soda equivalent to the weight of the hair of the child in

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silver. This is also from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. These are all sunon of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Thereafter, if it is a male child, obviously it is the duty of the father to ensure that this child is circumcised as soon as possible. The more we delay, the more painful it will be. And the sooner it is done, the sooner it will heal in sha Allah, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to fulfill this as soon as possible thereafter, as the child is growing up, it is the father's duty to provide food, clothing and accommodation up to a certain age depending on whether the child is a male or a female. Whether the child is normal or

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handicapped. May Allah protect us from having children who are handicapped and those of us who do May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to pass the tests that he has put in our lives. So it is the duty of the Father, and obviously the mother would help in this regard. Now when we say the duty we are speaking of right, but when we say the mother will help, we are speaking of a guideline for a happy marriage and a happy home. Sometimes it's not your duty to do something as a mother. But if you are going to do it with Allah, it will go a long, long way in ensuring that the home is a harmonious home a happy home. So we should not always look at it and say, You know what,

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this is not my right I want to be paid to breastfeed this child. Look, we should not if we are going to do that. Imagine if the child later on grew up and found out you know, my mother did not even want to breastfeed me unless my dad data. I also believe it is a point that the child would feel

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You that this mother did not have the true affection for me etc etc. So, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand that sometimes our right is there, but there is another guideline which is over and above that particular right which if we are to fulfill it, then inshallah we will achieve a lot of success and happiness. Similarly, when it comes to Salah, we have fought Salah, that Salah, which actually is foreign, if we are only going to stick to that, what do we expect, we need to go further to the sun and to the novel, so that we can actually achieve peace and comfort in this dunya as well as in the alpha. So, the duty of the Father, Mashallah is to provide food,

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clothing and accommodation up to a certain age. Now, beyond that, the parents should ensure that they grant the child give the child firstly a good example in the home from the point of birth. So remember one thing when a mother is pregnant, what she listens to if she's going to listen to music and all the Haram things, then obviously the child will develop a taste for these things. If she is going to listen to Quran if she's going to listen to that, which is Dini that which is religious that which you know, a spiritually uplifting inshallah light will brush off onto the child from the time the child is in the womb. This is one thing we need to understand and it is the mothers duty to

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make sure that this happens whilst the child is growing up and it is the mothers duty to ensure that even after the child is born, within the home, you know haram things are not allowed to happen like many times, unfortunately what happens in some Homes is that you know music is being played and we are not even worried about it. This will result in the downfall of the child then when the child falls then we are going to cry. We are going to go to our Lama and say you know my child, this is what happened that is what happened. So don't make a mistake from day one. Listen to Quran, listen to the nasheeds listen to lectures that are spiritually uplifting etc etc and inshallah you will

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find that this child will develop a taste for that in fact, if you are to listen to Quran every day let's say for example, so that you are seen or a certain Fatiha if you are going to read it on kusi every day before you know it the child will already have memorized that surah although surah that's a gift from Allah subhanho wa Taala so it is the duty of the mother as well as the father to ensure that this child is kept away from listening to haram from looking at haram from that early age so that the child can grow up with a taste for Deen and not with a taste for shaitan May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from shaitan thereafter, when the child is of school going age, it is the duty

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of the parents to educate this child. Now when we say school going age, we are not speaking only about secular education. We are speaking about religious education, Islamic education, Dini education as well. When it comes to secular education, they probably would start at five or six depending on the country you are in. When it comes to Dini education. It starts at the age of two, three and four. Firstly, it starts and obviously we won't be speaking to the child and commanding them at that age. But by actions as we have mentioned a few moments ago, our actions play the biggest role the biggest role in the upbringing of this particular child, the way we dress, the way

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we talk, the way we act, everything the child is going to learn from us and what will happen then we will notice inshallah, that this child will Mashallah have an upbringing that is closer to the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam if we ourselves have adopted the Sunnah and we should understand the Islamic education commences from an early early age and it is the duty of the parents. Now we are fortunate today. You know, we are supposed to be teaching the child Elif and ba and TA and how to read the Quran and the the books of fit and the tally Medina Talmud Islam that we have. We are supposed to be doing it. It is our duty as parents as parents, but we have a gift upon

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us. And that is the modalities that we have around us. The Makati that we have around us the little madrasahs that we have, where we can actually send our child, those studs that are teaching our child, they it is not their duty to do that for us. But we are fortunate we have an institution whereby we can send our children and they are fulfilling our duty for us. Yes, we might be paying a fee. But that fee is obviously to cover the costs of that madrasa and the duty that is placed on our shoulders. These stands are going to be fulfilling. This is why we need to respect those who have taught our children, obviously respect those who've taught us and if we are going to respect those

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who have taught our children as well. We will inculcate in them the respect of their teachers and remember him and knowledge will only come to you if you respect your teacher. Yes, if we have had a little bit of a problem with our child and you know in the madrasa they might come back one day and complain about being beaten etc.

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We should understand, firstly, verified it's very easy for a little child to lie to the parent just because they don't want to go to the madrasa the next day. So we need to think about it first. Don't just believe everything your child comes with. Some people are of the attitude. They say, you know what, my child can't lie. If he said this, then it is that a lie? Let me tell you something. Do you know your APU ballet salon? The father of use of La sallam, he was in a V. And his children were the children of ainderby. Do you think that he failed in the upbringing of his children? No, he didn't. But those children lied to him. And they lied to him on more than one occasion. Imagine the children

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of ainderby could lie to a newbie, what about our children, we are not ambia and our children are not the children of ambia Allahu salatu wa salam. So it does not mean they are lying to us all the time. But what it means is, be careful, don't just believe everything a little child comes in tell you, sometimes the child will come and say, You know what, I've been beaten by my brother or my cousin or this person at school or this person outside and we roll up our sleeves and we go out to beat this child because we are taking the part of our child This is injustice, it is unacceptable in Islam. Firstly, find out is it true if it is true, how to solve the problem is another question

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altogether, how to solve the problem, am I going to solve the problem in such a manner that I'm going to create two or three problems, let's say there is a child who's beaten up your child. And now let's say you find out about it, and it's true, if you are going to go and beat up that child it is going to create warfare at the school until the child leaves that school. So rather you meet the parent of the child discuss the issue you know, and remember one thing at that age, it is healthy sometimes to have a little bit of a dispute, etc. so that they can grow up with a balanced, you know, upbringing, they have seen the good side of life, they have seen the bad side of life. So

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Hannah, so not always should you go out and defend your child, let them also experience a few things. And always understand, you know, verify and authenticate before you are going to believe what this particular child has said. So as I was saying, teach the child the respect of the stand. And understand that when you have something you know to tell the will start to say it in a very, very respectable manner. When you go into the madrasa in the presence of your child, never ever go and shout to the teacher, whether it is school or mother so don't go and shout and you know, disrespect the teacher in the in front of the children, because obviously this is an Islamic, they

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are doing you a favor. And you are going out and showing your children and children of other people how to disrespect them in return. Is that fair? So let's ask ourselves that question. We always need to respect our Lama. We need to respect our teachers, whatever they have taught us in this dunya we need to understand that Allah Subhana what Allah chose them to put something into our brains, so we need to respect them. So if we are going to teach our children how to respect their teachers, inshallah, they will go very, very far in their lives. So that is as far as education goes. And another point we need to understand. Many times people are confused, what madrasah Should I send my

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child to what school should I send my child to Allah He as parents, it is your Islamic duty placed on your shoulders By Allah, your Creator, the creator of that child that you have in front of you, that you really question yourselves in this regard. And you really look into where you are sending your child what school does this child go to? Is this child going to a school whereby Allah subhanho wa Taala is going to be upset with me. If that is the case, Allah He let me tell you, you'd rather sacrifice the dunya re education of this child, the worldly education of the child to a certain degree and send them to a school that might be slightly inferior in terms of worldly education, but

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it will be superior in terms of the deen that Allah subhanho wa Taala has bestowed upon us how many children have gone to the best of schools, the most expensive of schools, only to qualify in drug abuse, and only to qualify in abuse of alcohol. Obviously, all forms of taking of alcohol is abuse of alcohol. So there are so many examples in front of us and I'm sure in every single community and society they have this problem. So this is the effluence that is in our societies today. We have tended to forget what Allah subhanho wa Taala requires from us and we are looking at this worldly gain. Let me give you a little example. matric exam, Mashallah. We have sent our children to the top

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schools now either the child comes out with 10 A's or they come out with eight A's and two B's. Now if they might have gone to, let's say, for example, a school that was an Islamic, but the standards were high, they might come out with 10 days but in the process, they will come out as atheists they will come out as people who do not belong to Dean sometimes, if we have not kept a close watch on them. And they might come out if they go to another school with eight A's and two B's or five A's and five B's or five A's, two B's, and a C.

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For example, and islamically, they will come out with 10 days 12 a soprano la sala will be in order they will respect you, their tongues will be clean, they will know how to read the Quran, they will know what Allah requires from them and they will be trying to fulfill that. What do you want? Ask yourself the question and answer that question. Do I want a child who is a good doctor, but he knows nothing about Dean, and he's not interested in Salah, he's a drunkard and he's on drugs. Is that the type of person I want? Or do I want a person whom, yes, he might have a little bit in this dunya and inshallah he might be a doctor but maybe not have such a superior quality. But at the same time, he

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has the deen that Allah requires and he has Salah Allah here on the day of piano these children will catch us by our necks if we have not looked after them. And they will say Allah punish this parent of mine because not a single day did they tell me to read my Salah? Not a single day did they tell me to be truthful? Allah punish these parents of mine because they sent me to a school where I became someone else and I became someone who forgot you and I mixed with those who are not Muslims. And I mixed with those who are calling me away from my Deen. Yeah, Allah and my parents are the ones who are responsible for this Allah punished me Allah, do we want this to happen to us? So therefore

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let us understand. Your child is a responsibility from Allah, a gift from Allah. And every gift comes with a responsibility. We need to understand the way did we send this child to school? Where did we send the child to madrasa? What type of a madrasa did we send this child to? Are we satisfied with the level of Deen more than the dunya Subhana Allah? Wait, this is what we need. And I am not saying that okay, we should look for the worst of schools and send our child to the worst of schools No, remember something take a look at the newspapers when the results come out. Sometimes the best results are from the rural areas, the areas where they don't even have proper pens to write with

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some Hannah law. This shows that they are dedicated if we are to inculcate dedication into our children inshallah, we will find that these children will go a far far far meaning they will go very far in their education both Dini and dounia. We both connected to Dean as well as to the worldly education. So it is dedication we need to teach the child even if the child goes to a slightly inferior school, if we are going to follow up with that child, obviously inshallah the child will achieve results. And sometimes we can send our child to the best of schools but if they are going to be lazy, Subhana Allah, if they are going to be lazy, then even there, they will have wasted our

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money, they will have wasted our time, they will have lost their Deen they will have lost their dunya May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand the seriousness of this and it is our right to correct school because tomorrow today the child doesn't know. And today the child might be happy with wherever you are sending the child in fact, the child might come to you and say you know what, send me to the school and that school will law What is your duty as a parent to ensure that way I have sent my child I know Allah is happy with me. That's it. If you have achieved that, then inshallah you can look forward to the child becoming a half is becoming an island

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becoming a party becoming what have you, and becoming close to the Sahaba of the Allahu anhu. May Allah grant that to us. And another very important point I'm actually going to move on a little bit is that as parents, it is our duty to guide the child regarding the type of friends the child keeps. This is our duty as parents, we need to understand there are two environments one is the environment within the home. Sometimes within the home, we've provided the child a beautiful environment. But sometimes what happens is as soon as the child goes outside that house we don't even know whom the child is associating with and remember one thing, those friends outside they have a greater impact

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than you have in the house upon that child. Remember that and I'm repeating it again, the friends outside normally have a greater impact on that child than you do. So always go to those people's houses whom you are satisfied with their level with their children, and make sure that your children mix with those children that you are satisfied with their level. You can also take a trip to the school one day and you can see who is my child sitting next to what type of people is my MIT's my child associated with and what type of friendship do they keep if you notice the child using abusive language that is not used in the house? You need to and obviously when we say question the child we

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don't mean now you must shout the child and sway the child because that will in fact make the the the problem worse. What you need to do is you need to talk to the child try and extract from the child where they got all this from and then again as I said don't just believe it automatically. But try and find out try and do something about it and inshallah you will be fulfilling your duty you have a concern about your child you will find inshallah Allah subhanho wa Taala will open the doors of guidance for you as well as for your children. So again, it is the duty of a parent to ensure that the child has good friends May Allah grant us all good friends. The hadith of Rasulullah

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sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he has told us that the person is known by the friendship he or she keeps so therefore befriend those who are good. Remember one

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Take a look at those that Allah has tested May Allah grant him all the ability to come out of this problem. But those whom Allah has tested with drugs with drinking or even with ordinary smoking, ask them where did they learn all this from? They will tell you, my friends. In fact, the drunk as 100% of them will tell you you know what it is our friends the people we used to associate with they you know, there was peer pressure on us and this is what happened. Now tell me as a parent isn't your Isn't it your duty to ask the child you know what type of friends the child is associating with to guide the child from day one to say you know, this is the type of people you want to be with etc.

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And remember one thing that this child will make dua for you at one stage, even though the child in the early stages might be thinking you are a little bit harsh on the child, later on the child will make to offer you that Yala. This parent of mine This is what the parent has done for me Subhana Allah, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand inshallah, in the next session we are going to continue

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regarding this particular child and parent relationship and the duties of a parent regarding the child there are still many more that we will discuss inshallah, in the next session. For now, salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. sal Allahu wa salam o Baraka la Vina Mohammed

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Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa tada Buddha who about social conduct of a Muslim. We have been looking at the parent child relationship in the last few days. Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us children who are the coolness of our eyes, as parents It is our duty to look after the children of ours. And we should understand they are actually a gift from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Allah subhanho wa Taala has placed the duties on our shoulders regarding our children. We have been mentioning them in the last few days. And we are going to continue with a few of these duties. Remember one thing

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just to recap, Allah subhanho wa Taala has placed it on our shoulders that we provide the children with food, clothing accommodation, up to a certain age we guide them we spend time with them, we ensure that their character and conduct is exemplary is good. And obviously we should lead by example, we must ensure that their education both Islamic Dini education as well as the secular education is of a standard that is acceptable in Islam acceptable to Allah subhanho wa Taala. I had mentioned that Allah subhanho wa Taala requires that we ensure that these children are educated properly. And therefore we should understand when it comes to Dini education that is much more

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important than anything else you have. And this is why we said make sure you know which school your child is going to which mattress or your child is going to how much does your child know follow up with that child, sometimes we might even have a case where the child will go out to the mattress or come back to the home and actually teach the parent to say mom, you know what, this is what I learned today, oh, Dad, you know what, this is what I learned and the mom or the dad didn't even know that before that. So sometimes if we send our children to the right place, then we must understand inshallah Allah will make that even a means for our own education to be furthered. May

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Allah subhanho wa Taala. grant that to us. And we should also understand it is our duty to educate the children, not the duty of the mowlana that are at the madrasahs, etc, or the teachers etc. But Allah has done us obviously a favor, he has favored us. And he has given us the opportunity to go into these matters and actually pay a fee, which covers the costs of the madrasa and put our children there. So we should understand these people are actually doing us a favor by trying to educate our children. And this is why whenever we have difficulty at the madrasa, we should understand that when we go to speak to the staff, or the administration, or what have you go as a

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person who is, you know, humble, full of humility, a person who is going to actually raise an issue with those who are doing him or her a favor, we should not go into the madrasa as though you know what I'm paying fees, you know what this is what's happening to my child, and that's what's happening to my child. And this is what No, no, no, that's not what Islam wants from us. Islam wants us to actually go in and to respect the status. This is how knowledge will actually come to us and our children. Thereafter, we should understand the way we dress that is how our children will also dress we need to guide our children regarding the manner in which they dress, the manner in which

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they speak, the manner in which they eat. And I touched on this, and I'm going to repeat a few points where, for example, if a child is sitting on the table, and we happen to notice something that we don't agree with, the first thing we need to understand is that child is there to make mistakes and we are there to correct those mistakes. So the child for example,

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They might break a plate or the child might, you know spill the water or the drink the juice that is on the table, we need to understand Don't overreact and don't even under react, you need to understand, oh, this is what happened. Know what you do next time be a little bit more careful and try to hold the job properly Subhanallah thereafter what will happen if it is happy if this thing repeats itself again, maybe we can say it slightly slightly more harsher. I don't like to use the word harsh because we shouldn't really be harsh with our children but maybe a little bit harder than that. We can say look you did yesterday, please try and make sure that you don't do this again.

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Because you know it's going to these things are going to spill etc etc. Whatever we want to come up with, we can actually come up with something and you know, inshallah, we are over and above that we must make dua to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, Allah, this child of mine, grant them the ability to hold this jug properly. So imagine even these doors if we ever made them, we always shout out children, you know, you've been to food obviously, in the case of little girls who are you know, testing out the cooking, you've been this you've done that you've done know they are there to make mistakes, they, they need to train in your kitchen before they get married. So when they are in your

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kitchen, you must give them the opportunity to burn their things. Not intentionally, obviously. But if they happen to do it, you need to understand help them tell them look, this is what you must put the oven on this this many degrees, you must make sure you switch it off at this point etc, you need to help them it's part of your duty now you can just start shouting them because of what has happened. Similarly, when it comes to dressing, for example, if you notice that your child is dressing inappropriately Now, before I even say that if you dress appropriately, as a father, or as a mother, you will notice the child will not really go, you know beyond a certain limit. But if you

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are going to buy the wrong clothes for your child from an early age, what will happen? You know, sometimes people say no, she's young, she can read these little skirts. No, no, no, that's not that is the beginning of everything, they will develop a liking for that type of clothing. Once they develop that liking, when they grow old suparna light might not come out of them. And they might develop that taste might go beyond the shadow rules and regulations. So we need to understand we are going to buy their clothes, make sure that you buy something which is very decent and very smart. Sometimes what happens is the child doesn't want to wear the clothes we wear because they feel Oh,

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this is backdated. So by something that is within the limits of the Sharia, it is smart, it is something they can go out with meaning they can you know, when they mix with their friends, they don't feel inferior. And at the same time it is islamically you know, compliant to the laws of the Sharia. And we shouldn't buy something that oh, you know, it's 1960 clothing and we expect them to dress now in 2014 that clothing? Yes, we need to understand the limits of the Sharia, we will not budge, we are not going to go beyond them. But in the Sharia, there is a broad framework that Allah has permitted us so much different types of things, different types of clothing, Allah has just sent

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us certain guidelines. Look, this is the type of clothing you should weigh. And this is what should be covered call us. Once we have looked into that inshallah we can allow them to move within that framework as they wish. And then if we notice that they have a taste for clothing that is unacceptable. We need to communicate with them, talk to them, because what will happen if you don't talk to them, and sometimes you know what people actually say no, if you are going to talk to your child, you know, they might become a bit wary of you and they won't want to communicate with you. That means there is a problem in the communication, the line the telephone line is not very clear.

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You need to put the phone down and dial again. So hannula try again with that child of yours and speak to them again and open up to them. Tell them look, we wish goodness for you and hug them and allow them as much as you can allow them within the limits of the Sharia. Some people put too many restrictions on everything. So what happens the child will then might just wear a cloak You know, I'm talking of a female child, may Allah protect us. The child might just wear a cloak but as soon as they go out of the house where that cloak is gone with the scarf is gone. No one knows. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us how it fitted into the little handbag that she had. We can't even

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understand Subhan Allah May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us may grant us the ability to look after our children and maybe make our children from amongst those who understand what we are trying to do. And who understand that the deen of Allah subhanho wa Taala comes first and everything else comes after that. So obviously in today's environment, it's not so easy to look after children because there's so much pressure from outside there's so many different things. But if we continue to make dua we continue to try we continue to educate our children then inshallah we will find that our children will inshallah be protected by Allah subhanho wa Taala it is not me who can protect my

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child It is Allah who can protect my child, but I can do something about it, I can actually try I can make dua and that is when Allah subhanho wa Taala will open the doors and then let's understand when we have opened the door of communication with our child, it should be

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So close and so intimate, that this child can then confide in, you know in us for anything and everything that this child is going through. So for example, the child has a problem at school, the child will talk to us, let's say a person of the opposite sex is harassing our child, the child will come straight to father and say, You know what, this is what's happening at school, there is this boy and he's, you know, the way he's talking to me the way he is irritating me, etc, etc, I don't like it. Now, the child expects the father to help. That is why the child is telling the Father, the child does not expect the father to make a disgrace of the child. Now you go to the school, the next

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day, you roll up your sleeves, and you want to beat up this child. And you know, if you touch my daughter, if you look at my daughter, I'm going to hit you. And I'm going to do this and I'll break your bones, and I'll go and see your father, etc. That's not how that's not how we should deal with the situation. Firstly, study the complaint. Secondly, ask your daughter, maybe there is something wrong that you are doing, etc. Or, if you don't want to start with it, that way, you can actually say, okay, we can look into this, and we'll solve it for you. And then you can take it further, maybe you can speak to the teacher in the absence of the children, and the teacher can then raise it

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with the child, the teacher can then raise it with that boy who is harassing your daughter, rather than you going straight and raising it. And if that does not help, then you can ask the teacher look, I'd like to meet the parent of this particular child and raise it in a professional manner. Go to the parent and say, You know what, it's unfortunate look, children are all children don't take the side always have your child, you know, children, they all make mistakes, they all do this, they you know, sometimes they engage in mischief, etc. Now, my daughter's having a little bit of a problem, you know, she's saying that your son is harrassing house, I mean, it might not really be

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the case, but please could you actually look into you know, the, the the behavior of your child, and so on. In this particular manner, you will solve the problem, you will have taught that parent a thing or two, and you will also have helped your daughter Subhanallah, the next time she has a problem. So the first person she's going to come to is you because she liked the way you handled her problem the last time this is what we need to understand. And then I went on further to actually say, at the point of marriage Subhanallah, it is our duty as parents to guide our children, when we understand or when we can see that our children are now you know of age, we should start guiding

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them. Look, this is what you need to look into this is these are the qualities you need in a husband, these are the qualities you need in a wife, you know, you don't just look at what the person told you once or what the person said yesterday, oh, they told me something so nice, and I want to marry them out with a builder. That's not how that's not what Islam teaches us. And that's not how we should be operating. But we should understand when we've guided our children, then our children inshallah, they will know what to look at. On the other hand, if a child comes to you before, you might have had the chance to speak to them and says, You know what, I want to marry this

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particular person. Now, if the child comes to you alive, it is a gift of Allah that the child has come to you to speak. Many children are so frightened of their fathers and their mothers, that they would keep it a secret and they would just burn within their hearts and they would you know, plan to elope with this person and that person all this is a result of the failure of the parents most of the time, not every single time but most of the time because sometimes we don't communicate with our child. You know, sometimes you can even joke a little bit, one or two jokes about this particular topic just to extract a few things from the child, you know, to say, listen, now, when are you

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getting married? Come on, don't you have someone in mind. Now, even if you don't want the child to have had someone in mind, but you trying to extract you need to know how your child is thinking. So talk to the child. Now the child will then confide in you and say no, I do know Don't worry, we'll help you whoever you want to marry so long as islamically It's okay and acceptable we are with you. So this is what we want. This is what success is all about following Islam following Allah following the Sharia that came to us through Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So the child will come to you and want to marry this person. Now, let's say you disagree. And I've already mentioned this, but

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I'm repeating it because it's a valid point. Let's say you disagree and you don't want your child to marry that person. Ask yourself first Why do I disagree? I disagree because of my financial status because of my caste, my creed because of this, because of that all these Islamic, you know, reasons? Or do I disagree because of what I know from Allah and from the Sharia and from Islam. If it is the latter, then obviously you have a valid point. And you can say, look, now we need to speak to the child. So what you need to tell them what you need to actually tell the child firstly is Look, you've come up with a proposal, you've come up with something you like this person, for example,

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inshallah, we will look at it we are going to study it and we will get back to you in a day or two. And then you can go back to the child in a day or twos time or whenever you know the Don't delay unnecessarily for nothing, because the child will feel you are not interested in the child's affairs. And then you need to go to the child and say you know what, now, this is what we are meant to be looking at what have you seen in this particular person tell us, you know, we we obviously this is going to be my son in law or my daughter in law, I need to like them also, you know, before I need to meet them, I need to like them, there needs to be something that I can actually look up to

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and say, you know, that's my son in law. That's my daughter in law. So what is it that you've seen? Now the child will come to you and say, You know what, this is what I saw. This is what this is it

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This is it. And if the child has nothing to say they will be embarrassed because they'll say, you know what, I just liked them, but what do you like about them Come on, if you want to marry them, when you like someone, as a friend, it's a different issue. But now when you want to marry someone, there needs to be certain things in that person, you obviously you're going to get married, you can have children, you're gonna have to bring up those children, you're gonna, you know, go further and further. So then Subhana, Allah, the child will come up with a few pointers, and then you can guide the child to say, you know what, let's do an SD card, or this is what we're supposed to be looking

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at, this is what we're not supposed to be looking at. And, you know, what are we we are with you, we understand where you come from, we understand how you thinking, we understand your feelings, but give it consideration because we don't want you to go into failure. And we don't want you to go into a problem, we don't want you to step straight into disaster. So May Allah subhanho wa Taala, grant us the ability to assist our children in this regard, we're lucky with the environment we have around us, it's the most difficult thing that parents have on their shoulders, is to actually, you know, help their children when it comes to marriage, but it's our duty, we have to we cannot run

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away from this duty of ours. Sometimes parents are not interested, they don't want to listen Allah, if that is the case, it's an Islamic, and I'm telling you, it's a duty that Allah has placed on your shoulders, or father, and or mother, you have to guide your child, when it comes to marriage, you have to listen to what they've got to say, they've got a heart, they've got a brain, they've got feelings, everything, if you are just going to tell them, Listen, I'm not interested, they won't respect you. After that, they're going to say, Oh, my father's not interested about my problems. My mother was not there the day I wanted to get married, or my father, you know, they will blame you

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for their problems, and they won't even want to talk to you in the future. Is that what Allah wants from you? Is that how Allah wants you to operate with your children and to look after your children? Ask yourself the question, but you need to understand showing interest and active interest in the feelings of your children also, in the same way, you wouldn't like someone to say, you know, when you say, I'd like to buy this car, for example, as a father, you've got the money, you've got everything. And then the child comes and say, No, don't buy that car. And the way the child speaks to you, how would you feel you're going to start thinking, you know what this child of mine is

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dictating terms to me the same way the child has feelings, and the child is going to feel that you are dictating terms to the child. Yes, you have the right to do that. But in today's environment, understand something. One is the right to do something. The other is the method, the approach in order to achieve something that is far beyond your imagination, that child can walk out of the house tomorrow, and they can go and achieve what they want with you or without you. So rather they do it with you then do it without you. And another thing very valid and important for it. And I'm saying it again, because of its importance. don't disagree, just for the sake of disagree, disagree, if you

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want, the disagreement must be because of the laws of Allah subhanho wa Taala not your own status or your finance or what have you. And as I mentioned, the costs and the creeds May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from all this thinking. And another point I wish to raise here today also is the fact that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has spoken about Salah, that when it comes to Salah, you should actually encourage your children to read Salah at the age of seven, you should command them to eat salad age of seven, and at the age of 10, you apply a little bit more pressure on them. According to the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you must use a method

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that is a little bit more effective, which has a little bit more pressure on it, the term you know, lightly beating the child if the child really rejects Salah. That is what is mentioned in the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Now today, sometimes if you are going to beat a child, they might not read their Salah. So what you need to do, yes, it will always remain as soon as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam but Salama have translated it they have said look, that beating means to apply a different type of pressure on your child. The pressure you applied at the age of seven was just that you know you encourage them. And at the age of 10, you applied a different type

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of pressure at the age of 15. Now you can become harsh or when they when they've matured you can actually become harsh, to say that you know what, now you're not leading Salah This is something that totally will end the anger of Allah subhanho wa Taala if you are going to be in this home for example, there's going to be no Baraka in the house, etc, etc. So Allah subhanho wa Taala will not be happy with us. So therefore we need to read our Salah, but inshallah it won't even get to that stage if we are going to look after our children from from an early age we will find that they will turn towards Allah and they will achieve in sha Allah, whatever we want them to achieve isn't in

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love with the power of Allah subhanho wa Taala if we are really interested in it, and I also made mention of the fact that some parents unfortunately they work long hours they don't ever get to see their children, Allah He How much are you going to earn? And how much money do you want? Look, you will earn for example, let's say 1000 rands a day. Oh, that's quite a rich man. In fact, if you are earning 1000 rounds a day in your business, because you are opening the business from eight to let's say five, you leave home at six in order to get there you come back at seven because you are getting back in

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You know you're quoting the traffic, what time have you spent with your children, if you are going to start work at 10, or nine that that business of yours can open it a little bit later. But you've seen your children in the morning you sat you had breakfast with them, you spoke to them, that's sitting is worth more than the 1000 rands that you earned the whole day, you can spend a million rands but if you do not have a sitting like that with your children, you've achieved nothing. So understand that you can close your business at four in order to go and pick your children up Subhanallah and communicate with them. At least now when you go to the school you've seen, my child

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was waiting for me Who was that child with whilst they were waiting? And what type of attitude did the child have, etc, etc, these things you will only be able to appreciate and see if you come through. And if you spend some time with the child if you are concerned, really and truly, about the upbringing of your child. So something we need to look into that, and I'm calling for May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand this call that look, understand how to prioritize when it comes to your work, and your children the balance that you need to strike between the time you spend at work, the time you spend with your children, obviously, some of us might be

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employed. In that case, the weekends we must understand how do we use them? Are we with our children? Are we with, you know, those whom Allah has placed their responsibility on our shoulders? You know, the responsibility of looking after them on our shoulders? Are we with them? Or are we with everything else? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand thereafter, we will know we will notice that after marriage inshallah the child will stabilize. But initially, the child needs our guidance, we need to explain to the child Look, this is marriage is all about give and take. Not everything is going to be according to your liking. Slowly, you will have to adjust.

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Don't expect them to adjust to you, meaning the husband to adjust to you or the wife to adjust to you, you must try to adjust to them as well. And you know, don't be too demanding, etc, etc. These words of guidance have to come from you as a parent, because if you are not going to guide your child regarding their marriage, Whom do you want to give that guidance to your child, someone might come and give wrong guidance to your child, meaning it won't even be called guidance in that particular instance. So we need to understand this. So we need to help them if they have a problem in their marriage. As explained, when we were discussing the husband and wife relationship, when

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they have a problem in their marriage, we don't come in and take the side of our child. That's not what Islam teaches us. Well, if we are going to do that, it will result in divorce. Look at the number, the sheer numbers of divorce today, around in the world, whether in the Muslims or in the non Muslims. This was a prophecy of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he already prophesized it and he said, Look, this is what is going to happen, why sometimes the husband will be good, but the wife, she will get wrong advice. And sometimes the wife will be good, but the husband will get wrong advice. And you know, that the friends might be advising or the parents might be giving wrong

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advice. And sometimes what happens you don't really have a big problem. But the parents make it worse. When they come into the picture, they begin to play a role that is totally incorrect. They begin to defend the child regarding anything and everything, not looking at what's right and what's wrong. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us the ability to protect ourselves from this type of attitude and this type of behavior. And then inshallah, when the when your your child is getting a child of their own, now it's your grandchild, you must show an active interest in this grandchild also because Allah subhanho wa Taala has granted you the acceptance to be a grandfather or

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grandmother Subhan Allah and try and guide your children. It's the first child they have, trying to guide your child to say you know, this is what you must do to your child. This is how you must treat them. This is how you must handle them from day one. And go back to the points that I've mentioned. regarding what to listen to even during pregnancy, what to listen to in the home even after the child is born. The fact that we should listen to her and engage in to our engage in that which is spiritually uplifting and Allah subhanho wa Taala will help us in sha Allah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability of Allah He this topic is such we could go on and on but now we need to

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move on to the duties of the children towards their parents, because now they married Alhamdulillah and we need to now look at what they owe their parents in return. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us the ability to understand and inshallah, in the future if Allah subhanho wa Taala gives us time be in the law. We will go into more details about this. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to look after our children in these trying times and in these environments that are actually very difficult for sallallahu wasallam albaraka Allah Nabina Muhammad Subhan Allah Subhana Allah,

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Allah Allah elantas tofu Kona Tobu