Social Conduct – Part 2
Channel: Mufti Menk
Series: Mufti Menk - Social Conduct
File Size: 20.44MB
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah, who Allah Allah, he was happy he eliminated a Buddha who are bad. welcome back to the program, the social conduct of a Muslim, we have been discussing the relationship between a husband and a wife and the general situation within the Muslim home. Let us understand that there are many many books that are written in this regard and there are many many programs whether on the radio or in various newspapers etc, etc. Regarding this particular issue, and so many people have discussed this in their lectures, and so many people have tackled it. This shows us the importance of this
particular issue. Today, I wish to actually raise a few points that I have come across from a certain book, which is actually written by one great scholar in London, maulana moussaka, Ramadi May Allah subhanho wa Taala, grant him a long and healthy life, he has actually written a book on the sexual relations and married life.
In this book, there is a section on the rights between all the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife. Now, we had been mentioning yesterday that there are certain issues and aspects that we need to always be conscious about as married people. And part of what we said is we need to respect each other we need to abstain from shouting and screaming swearing, we need to trust one another, we need to spend time with one another, we need to make sure that we are always in the obedience of Allah subhanho wa Taala the way we dress, we need to lead by example, the words we use, we need to make sure we carefully select them and think about what we are going to say before we actually say
it, try and say it in the best way possible. Similarly, we also mentioned that all this brushes off onto our children and therefore we need to abstain from evil and bad qualities. In fact, you know, if a person is engaged, a woman is engaged in gossiping all day backbiting all day, the daughters will be exactly the same because they will probably see their mother doing this day in day out and they will think that this is what is required from a Muslim woman. Imagine what a disgrace to the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam What a disgrace to Islam and the Muslims that your children actually think that what you are doing is a requirement of the Sharia, Allah May Allah subhanho wa
Taala protect us from shapen. So, coming across this particular book, what had happened is the points that this molana has actually mentioned are so valid that I decided that I will actually read out from this particular booklet for the benefit of the listeners here today, inshallah. So he starts off by firstly mentioning the rights of the wife over the husband, which means the husband needs to do the following. The first point he says he must provide food, clothing and accommodation for his wife and children regarding food and clothing, he must provide them that have a similar standard of his own. And regarding accommodation, if he's staying with his parents or other family
members, he must ensure that his wife is given her privacy and freedom such that when the two are alone, they are in a carefree state. This privacy must also protect her from interference by anyone besides the husband himself. And obviously, this is the independence of the woman that Allah subhanho wa Taala has granted her she has the right to her own independence when she is married because obviously now she is married, she is going to have children of her own, she would like to bring them up according to what she knows is right. And if people are going to interfere, she will not be able to do this. So no matter how good the husband's parents and family might be, but a woman
has the right to actually have her total privacy and her independence. Thereafter. The next point he says he must oversee and it's a very important point he must oversee his wife's character and conduct at all times, especially with others. If she is seen engaging in unnecessary discussion, or seeming a bit too friendly or jocular with those who work at home, or other strangers, she must be reminded as at once in a polite manner to refrain from this. What a beautiful point. What a beautiful point, the husband must remind the wife to befriend those who are good to speak to people in a polite and good and Islamic manner. And he must remind her in a polite manner in a polite
manner because if he's not going to reminder in a polite manner, let's say he starts screaming and shouting. What does he expect from her she probably won't even want to listen to Him. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to rectify our problems in a polite and good manner.
He continues to say a husband is
Not allowed to leave his wife to become so independent that she speaks to and be friends whomsoever she wishes without considering his feelings and relations, or without considering what is right and wrong, or what is beneficial or detrimental to the matrimonial home. So some people don't get along with your husband, or your husband is not comfortable that you speak to some people don't speak to them, because it is more important that you look at the pleasure of your husband, you look at his friends, you look at whom he is comfortable, that you speak to and whom you speak with. And you should understand if people are going to dislike you because of what how your husband has required
you to live, then there is nothing wrong with that Allah subhanho wa Taala will be pleased with you because your husband comes first. He continues to say extreme caution must be exercised in this regard. The next point, if the wife utters words that are disliked and detested, the husband should ensure that he raises it with her at some stage, depending on how serious it is. So sometimes, if there are serious swear words, that she is actually, you know,
she has put them on her tongue. And she continues saying them, he must raise them with a matter of urgency, he must address the issue. He continues to say she should feel that he disapproves of such language or utterances, however, to express disapproval at every minor issue, or to become furious, or to overreact to the issues, creating a major problem out of a minor issue is also against the etiquettes and characters of a successful husband. So this is something also very important that we need to remember, every small issue that happens every, you know, piece of language that has been used, even if it is acceptable. Sometimes people would just, you know, go to their wives and say,
you know, I don't want this and I don't like this and you keep on complaining about every single thing. This is not a good habit. It's not a habit of a successful husband, it may result in a problem in the future, because your wife will start thinking, you know, this man has never said what I've done is right, never ever has he told me that look what you've done, I like this. And I like the way you you you've spoken in this particular you know, occasion, etc, etc. We need to also praise our wives sometimes within certain limits. Obviously,
the author continues, he says, if in a serious matter speaking to her and raising it with her has not helped in any way, then he may decide to actually sleep separately from her. If she is sensible and loves her husband, it will affect her to the degree that she will understand the seriousness of what she has done. This will be more than enough to solve the problem. There is no need to swear and scream, look the same point we actually have been mentioning there is no need to swear and scream at the top of one's voice in order to rectify an issue for this can only reduce one's respect in the eyes of his wife and other family members. Now what this means is Allah subhanho wa Taala has asked
us to actually employ different methods of solving our problems. We need to sometimes maybe speak to
someone we need to actually confide in a very close relative who has a genuine feeling for us and who who actually is has a little bit of experience in solving problems and try and mention our problem and see what solution they come up with. Allah subhanho wa Taala has asked us to actually solve our disputes in this manner. The author continues to say, if the husband finds that he still is facing the same problem after having tried all the above, then he may employ other methods within the limits of the Sherry are to pressurize her to leave her bad ways. Remembering that wife bashing and battling, breaking bones and causing bleeding are totally an Islamic that is something extremely
important. Don't ever raise your hand and slap your wife for nothing. Meaning don't ever you should understand some people actually say you know Islam allows you to beat up your wife. Islam does not allow you to bash your wife and to better her and to break a bones and to cause bleeding etc. Islam has just asked us or Islam has asked us to use the most effective methods to solve your problem. Now sometimes by battling her, obviously you are going to create the biggest problem because it is an Islamic Islam does not allow the breaking of bones of your wife, etc, etc. How many men have actually come out and slapped their wives so bad that the face has been so so swollen for the next
two to three weeks? Do you think this is Islamic? Ask yourself the question. And sometimes people will actually you know push their wives to such an extent that they might even result in you know, dropping and breaking their bones and all that. Do you think Allah subhanho wa Taala allows this ask yourself that question, may Allah protect us from this particular problem? Then the author continues to say the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says a woman was created from a rib the most curved part of it is the upper part.
If you are going to straighten it you will break it and if you are going to benefit from it you will have to do so whilst it is curved. This Hadith in Sahih al Bukhari May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand this hadith. The next point he mentions he says a very important point also, it is the husband's duty to control his anger when he sees something he dislikes from his wife. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said a strong person is not he who can out wrestle others, but he who can control himself when angry this hadith in Sahih al Bukhari
He has also said, the best of you is He who is best to his family, and the wife in particular. For this reason, one must bear patience as far as possible, and abstained from uncontrolled anger. What a very, very valid point imagine, we are speaking of the rights of the wife over the husband, meaning the husband needs to do all these things for his wife. So one is it is also his duty to abstain from uncontrolled anger. I think a lot of us might not have known that.
It is also his duty to ensure that his wife dresses appropriately and acceptably within the limits of the Sharia, and that she abstains from shameless clothing that is islamically unacceptable, he must stop her from intermingling with non Muharram men. If this is allowed to happen, the home may plunge into disarray and will be broken after some time. Now obviously, if we are facing a problem like this in our homes, let's understand that to solve it, we must not start screaming and shouting and you know, make 10 problems out of one, as I always say, but rather we should employ methods that will be effective and we should speak to them in a polite manner. Obviously, at times, you need to
put your foot down a little bit, but try not to be too harsh, because that might just crack that particular rib, as the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said, The next point is if one's wife has developed an expensive taste for for clothing, for jewelry, etc, and makes it a habit to have something for every single occasion, then the husband must work on this inclination and try to help her try to keep her away from unnecessary spending and extravagance. So hon Allah Look at this, this is also the duty of the husband to ensure that the wife doesn't have such an expensive taste and she doesn't become extravagant. The author continues to say this can result in
an element of pressure upon the matrimonial home at some time, which can develop into problems that can even cause the breakup of an otherwise happy home. At times in order to deal with such a problem, one may find it beneficial to mention related incidents of other people or the stories of the past the examples of the pious and possibly mentioned of the hereafter. The next point the author mentions he says, one must live with utmost love and affection with his wife and children. Being overtly harsh or vicious in the home creates a cat and mouse relationship, resulting in hatred and the snatching away of the blessings, this tool can lead in to the breakup of the home.
The next point in the case of a dispute, whether with one's wife or between one's wife and mother or family members, one should employ the most effective and affectionate methods of resolving such a dispute. Again, in order to do this, one must make sure that his method does not result in further disputes. disputes should never be allowed to grow, nor should the resolving them be delayed, unresolved family disputes can continue into the next two generations. So panela Let's pause there for a moment. The author says unresolved family disputes can continue into the next two generations. You know, today you have a little problem. Tomorrow, your children will have a problem with the
children of your own brother, and so on. The cousins will not get along with each other just because of a small misunderstanding that was not resolved between yourselves. So it is your Islamic duty, you want to ensure that the oma is in one piece. You make sure that you are in one piece with your family, you make sure that you solve your problems, the author continues to say
unresolved family disputes can continue into the next generations and have a very bad and unfortunate effect on the children's lives with their blood relatives. Solving form family problems is regarded as a very great act of worship in Islam. I think we mentioned that yesterday.
It is an Islamic to spread the problems of the home to others. This is because such problems must be resolved and buried within the home. Problems must not be discussed in the presence of young children, for it will be an unnecessary burden on them.
will definitely affect them adversely. Today, unfortunately. And I'm actually going to expand on this. Today, unfortunately, what happens, we find the mother will actually call her little children, you know, five years old, eight years old, 10 years old and tell them that you know what, your daddy is very bad, and he is a nasty man. And he is not a good person at all. And, you know, this is what he's been doing so that will develop a hatred for their own father. Imagine Do you think Allah will be happy with that? Do you think Allah is going to help you in your life? Do you think Allah subhanho wa Taala is going to, you know, shower, his blessings upon you when you are doing this? And
the same applies to the husband, the husband sometimes start speaking to little children, to say, you know what, your mother is like this and like that, they don't need to know all that. Yes, maybe the day they are married, and they have their own lives and now you are old and you want to confide in them, you know, you need a little bit of comfort from them. Maybe then you can raise a point or two. May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant has the ability. Imagine take a look at these points which religion would teach you all this? Have you ever thought of that? It is Islam, the gift of Islam that has actually taught us all these issues.
The author continues to say it is incorrect to raise one's voice shout or scream, scold or admonish one's wife in the presence of others, especially the children. Today, unfortunately, we go into the marketplace and we scream at our wives, we scream at our wives at the top of our voices in front of everyone. Would you think do you think for a moment and this is the question I'm going to ask today? Do you think Allah is happier that Allah is watching you? And do you think Allah likes that? Do you think you are going to earn the pleasure of Allah? May Allah subhanahu wa taala protect us, the author continues to say this will result in them disrespecting her. If you are going to shout your
children in your wife in front of your children every day and you're going to square you know, swear her scream at her. Obviously, the children will do the same. You will find one day you walk into the home, your son will be swearing his own mother. But where did he learn that he learned it from you because you've been doing it all day. Now he is doing it as well. So the book says raising the errors, raising the errors one's wife, raising the errors of one's wife in the presence of other family members will make her suffer an inferiority complex. And all this can strain the marriage and lead to a possible and eventual breakup of the home. The next point, it is incorrect to praise other
non Muharram women in the presence of one's wife, especially regarding their beauty. SubhanAllah imagine Islam teaches you this, you are going to praise the beauty of another woman who's not related to you in any way and say you know what, that woman She looks so nice, you know, this is what she does, her food is so good, etc, etc. If you are going to do all this listen to what the author says. He says Doing so will hurt her feelings and cause a heart ache. She may begin to feel useless and might even doubt her husband, which will cause the worst of unwanted problems. La ilaha illAllah. Imagine Allah subhanho wa Taala is teaching this to us through Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam. The next point, the husband must seek the treatment of his wife and children when they are sick. It is incorrect to intentionally disregard the sickness and turn a blind eye on the situation. One must, according to his means ensure the good health of his family. Sometimes what the men do. Oh, she's sick. All right, we'll see we'll go to the doctor tomorrow. Still after a week. If you're still feeling like this, then we'll see if we can go to the doctor. That is not correct. That is an Islamic, she is sick, the children are sick deal with it as soon as you can. That is what Allah subhanho wa Taala has asked you to do. The next point, it is a major sin to unnecessarily
suspect to one's wife of infidelity or betrayal. Happy marriages are based on trusting one another, believing hearsay anonymous callers or letters and those who do not. And those who do not want to be named whilst making such grave accusations is totally rejected in Islam. This can only result in the unfortunate breakup of the home. Jealous elements can even be using this as a means of destruction. Allah Almighty forbid. The next point. It is incorrect to give preference to one's friends over his own wife and children spending long hours on a daily basis with the former whilst forgetting the latter. Islam requires a husband to understand his duties and maintain a balanced approach in this
regard. This does not mean that one's friends should be ignored totally. But one must consider the plight of his wife and children spending quality time with one's family will only enhance the marriage whereas not spending time with them will most definitely strain not only the marriage, but the father child relationship to to what an important point the last point that is mentioned here. He says it is incorrect to abstain from discussion and communication with one's wife and children for no reason at times.
And the author says, I'm reading actually the author says, at times after a long day at work, the husband comes home and get so engrossed in reading the paper, listening to the news, sitting with a friend or spending hours on the internet, that he does not realize that his family who is in need of talking to him is being totally ignored. If this persists, there will be a communication breakdown, which will result in misunderstandings that can even have that can have a disastrous effect on the marriage. So hon Allah, look at this, Allah subhanho wa Taala has taught us to us in this beautiful religion of Islam, and the author ends by saying besides these rights and guidelines, there are
still many more that have been mentioned in some specialized books. We have only mentioned the most relevant and important points here. Refer to the detailed books for more May Allah subhanho wa Taala keep us happy in our homes. The points that have been mentioned today definitely are very important points. I'm sure we may have heard some of them in the past. Some of them we may not have heard, but we asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us the ability to have gained something from what was said today in Charlotte, we will look at what the wife has to actually do regarding her husband and towards her husband and her own children. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us success or
sallallahu wasallam our daughter Kyle and Amina Mohammed Subhana Allah He will be handy he Subhana Allah home will be handy Mr. Furukawa to Bulli.
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu, Salam ala rasulillah, Allah Allah, he was happy he nominated a Buddha who about my dear his listeners, we continue on the topic, the social conduct of a Muslim, we were speaking about the rights of the husband and wife and the general etiquettes of the relationship obviously, between the husband and wife and the children within the nuclear home, let us understand that definitely Allah subhanho wa Taala has prescribed certain rights of the husband certain rights of the wife. And we should also know that there are many, many books that are written in this regard. As we mentioned, yesterday, we were reading from a
book which was written by a mowlana Maulana Musa Carmody, may Allah subhanho wa Taala, grant him a long and healthy life in London. And we had actually mentioned the points or the rights of a wife over her husband, and I'm sure many of the women must have had a nice day yesterday, because there must have been all day mentioning, you see, this is what you're supposed to be doing. You see, this is what you're supposed to be doing, you see, this is what you're not supposed to be doing etc. So, today, we have to balance the scale. And we are now going to mention today the rights of the husband over his wife, which means this is what the wife has to do, I will once again read from the same
book because I have actually found that the points that are mentioned in this particular book are very, very valid, they are very current they are very necessary and we need to go through them we need to understand them. I do know that we probably have heard a lot in many other programs as well as we may have read a lot of books etc. But let us try to understand that the cornerstone of the Society of a Muslim community is the nuclear family, the husband, the wife and the children. And this is where we need to start this is why we are going to speak about this and inshallah we will move further on and we will as I had mentioned in the introductory session, that inshallah we will
move very, very far regarding the social conduct of a Muslim. So reading from this particular book, the rights of the husband, the author says in the same way that a woman has rights over her husband, Islam has laid down certain rights of the husband, which his wife must fulfill, and guidelines which must be observed. The basic duties of a wife are as follows. He says Firstly, she must protect the wealth and property of her husband, she must not be destructive or abusive of the wealth and property in any way. She must abstain from unnecessary expenditure, extravagance and wastage, she should spend only with the pleasure and permission of her husband being very demanding will strain
the marriage at some point and I repeat that being very demanding will strain the marriage at some point. On the other hand, by getting used to budgeting and economizing for everything, she will be able to maintain a happy and harmonious home. So hon Allah that point speaks for itself. We need to understand it and we need to understand that it comes from the teachings of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. The second point she must protect herself, her chastity and dignity as well as that of her
Husbands both in his presence and absence, not only is being unfaithful, unacceptable, but it will destroy the marriage. The next point he says she must never unnecessarily relate to what goes on between herself and her husband to others. If it is a good relationship that is being mentioned to others, they may become jealous and create unnecessary problems. SubhanAllah look at how broad Islam is, look at how broad the teachings of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam are, the a person would probably think, you know, I'm getting along with my husband so much. Let me actually mention it to other people. And here the author is telling you, you know what, islamically if you are going to
mention it to other people, there is a possibility that people might become jealous and create unnecessary problems. So don't unnecessarily relate it to everyone that you know, this is it. And that's it.
The author continues to say, even a person whom we may regard as a very close friend, can easily let us down and spread rumors about us, or create problems and tensions for us. Amazing. The question I have for you today is which religion which religion teaches this? I mean, let me read the statement again, listen to it very carefully, and ask yourselves, how fortunate are we to have someone who who's actually mentioned this to us, we have it on the plate from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his teachings either directly or indirectly, he either has mentioned it, or we have either learned from his life and the lives of the Sahaba, the Allahu anhu. Listen to the point again, even
a person whom we may regard as a very close friend, can easily let us down and spread rumors about us or create problems and tensions for us. So panela if it is a bad relationship that we are mentioning to others, or difficulties we may be having, then we must understand that everyone is neither qualified to advise us, nor is everyone genuine. So what the author is trying to say here is that we must understand that when we are mentioning some bad qualities and difficulties to some people, not all of them are qualified to advise us and not all of them are genuine, we may solve our problems, and people will still be spreading tales about how we do not get along. So panela think
about that, again, the author is saying, you know, you might have a problem, and you've solved your problem. And you are getting on now very well, but because you confided in someone who did not have a genuine feeling for you, they are still spreading tales, two, three years down the line, how you and your husband are not getting along. And the reason why we are doing this is you gave them the opportunity to do that you went to go and tell them that I'm having this problem and that problem, even if you tell them later on that you know my problems are solved, they probably will still want to spread gossip about you because that is the job of a lot of people. May Allah not make us from
amongst those who spread gossip, so the author says this will cause a greater problem. Many times, people give us the wrong advice knowingly or unknowingly, which plunges us into disaster creates a major problem out of a minor issue, and does not help the situation in any way. This will not solve anything for us. We must only seek advice from those who are qualified to do so experienced and have a genuine feeling for us. I did mention this very briefly. The author then continues to say she must abstain from nagging from screaming from shouting from swearing etc. She should not get annoyed at every small issue that occurs. Rather, she should try to understand that not everything will always
happen the way she wants it to happen. She must carefully consider the likes and dislikes of her husband too. This is not an easy task for at times, it requires a lot of patience. This is how the marriage will grow. And her value will increase in the home. She will be dearly missed, if she leaves the home even for a short time. On the other hand, if she always wants things to be done her way, always whinging about what she is supposed to have, then she will be regarded as a burden in the home rather than a blessing. The husband of such a woman will feel more comfortable outside his home than within the home. This can result in him spending more time with others. So sometimes when
your husband is spending long hours outside the home, maybe you should ask yourselves, is it me who is causing this? Maybe the way I am talking to him Maybe I am nagging to him. So look at yourself, it might just be We are not saying it is always the case. But what we are saying is it might just be that the problem lies with you that you might be talking to him in a bad way you might not be you know, smiling at him. The husband comes in from a long day at work, obviously, he's got a few tensions in his head, etc, etc. He needs someone to smile at him. You are not giving him the smile, so he'll probably go back out of the house.
As soon as he can, so you need to give him that smile, you need to ask him how you're doing, etc talk to him. And as we mentioned yesterday, the husband in return also needs to communicate back with his wife, he needs to talk with her. He has been out all day when he comes home, he can't just be silent and you know, get buried in the newspaper and in the news, etc, and not speak to his wife and his children. They need him he has to talk to them. So this is what the author is saying. The author continues to say one of the main reasons and this is obviously a very important point also that a lot of us probably disregard. And sometimes we wouldn't even know that this is what Islam
teaches. One of the main reasons why marriage has been prescribed is for a man to abstain from fulfilling his natural sexual desires in an incorrect place, but rather fulfill them with the woman who has been made his lawful wife and has become permissible for him. For this reason, the husband must be granted the opportunity of fulfilling his desires whenever he feels so the wife must not unnecessarily refuse, and she must not unnecessarily present lame excuses. Where does she expect him to fulfill this desire? If she refuses? That's a question she needs to ask herself. Where does she expect him to fulfill this desire? If she refuses? If she does, so she may be guilty of encouraging
misconduct. So sometimes a woman might say, you know, I'm gonna fix him right now. What does she expect him to do? So she might be guilty of encouraging him towards haram May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us all. The author continues to say the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has gone to the extent of explaining that even if a woman is busy cooking or doing something else, and the husband calls her, it is her duty to actually respond and to go to see to the husband, a husband may desire Subhan Allah, actually Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has taught us so much. And he has actually taught us that look, when the husband has a desire, obviously, the wife must not
present lame excuses. The same applies the other way around. Obviously, the men also need to consider the plight of their wives. And obviously they need to understand that it is against the Islamic teachings to unnecessarily abstain and to actually turn a blind eye May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to be steadfast. The next point he mentioned, he says, it is detrimental to disrespect to one's husband shouting, screaming, swearing, venting frustrations by throwing things around or beating up the children or breaking things in the house and being sarcastic when spoken to are all unacceptable. Now, I'm going to pause here for a moment, the author says throwing
things around, you know what happens? Sometimes the wife is upset because of something now rather than speaking about that problem, you know what she does? She starts banging the plates and the pots and she starts throwing things on the side and she starts beating up the children just to show to vent her frustrations. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. This is all unacceptable, unacceptable in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So when you are banging the plates, when you are throwing things around when you are beating up the children just to prove a point to your husband, ask yourself, do you think Allah is happy with you? Do you think the blessings are going to
be descending upon you? Or do you think otherwise? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand the author says they are acts of shamelessness and stupidity that result in the anger of Allah Almighty and can destroy an otherwise good home. If the husband maintains silence for some reason, it does not indicate that the wife may continue for one day his patience will wear out. That's also a very important point. Sometimes you have a husband who says you know what? Me I just keep quiet. I can't say anything. What do you want me to say? Obviously, because he is thinking, look, the situation is so bad. If I'm going to talk it's going to make it worse. So let me just be
silent, make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala. So if we have a husband who is actually remaining silent when we are doing all these things, it does not mean now we've got the green light to do more. Let's think of what Allah once Allah Subhana what Allah does not want us to do this. So we must abstain from it. The author continues to say this can have unexpected results which will be regretted. Thus, one must always consider the reaction of one's behavior one speech and utterances in advance. I remember mentioning in the Tafseer program, that sometimes what women do and it's unfortunate This is on the increase today, every small thing the woman says you know what, give me
my Palak Give me my divorce. I want a divorce. And every small thing this is happening nowadays. This is an Islamic This is not correct, it will earn the anger of Allah subhanho wa Taala what do we expect? I mean you are married, you have a husband do you think you are definitely going to go into another home which will be better for you, you might end up going into another home and then you will regret and say you know what, I should have never done all this. This is what we are speaking about Allah subhanho wa Taala teaches us make
Most of the situation you are in, don't compare yourselves with others. This is the problem. Sometimes what happens, a woman begins to compare and she says, you know, that marriage that other couples are getting on like a house on fire Subhana Allah, how do you know that is what they are showing you maybe within, they are not getting on. Maybe they have problems that are bigger than yours, but they are covering them up. And maybe they are looking at you and saying the same thing about you not realizing that you are looking at them at the same time. So don't compare your marriage with someone else. Don't ever do that that will result in destruction. You need to look at
the goodness you have and make your marriage work, no matter what happens, make it work. And remember to make a marriage work, you actually need to be harsh upon yourself sometimes, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to solve our problems and to actually maintain ourselves and to actually handle ourselves in an appropriate manner at all times. The author continues to say the husband's family and relatives must be treated well, and she must try to fit into the into the family rather than coming in and making everything change overnight. For her sake. Though the wife is entitled to a certain degree of privacy, she must understand that whenever there are a few women
who get together and several children, then not everything will be done according to one's desire and liking. There will have to be certain differences and certain things that one will disagree with totally, it is advised to bear patience and exercise tolerance, employ the most affectionate, effective ways of putting forward our views and points, this does not have to be done immediately. But over a period of time, using tact and intellect, it is easier to maintain a good relationship than to mend a broken one Subhanallah listen to that, again, it is easier to maintain a good relationship than to mend a broken one. Remember, to keep nagging at the husband about how his
family members are, can irritate him and disturb the harmony of the home. This is a very, very important point. What the author is saying is look as a wife, you are coming into a certain home, you are going to marry into that home. Yes, you might have your privacy, you might even be staying separately, but when you come together, they will be certain differences. Nevermind bear patients try and tolerated solvent patch as much as you can and live with it. You know, you have your privacy, everything do not take your husband away from his own blood relatives. How do you think Allah subhanho wa Taala will, will treat you if you do that, you know, some women come into the home
and they tell the husband I don't want you to have anything to do with your family. And the same is happening on the other side. And they have no valid reason to say that no valid reason to do that. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. We should not be doing this we should be women, meaning I'm talking to the wives here. The wives should be women who actually,
you know, bring their husbands closer to their homes and to their families to their mothers and fathers Subhana Allah if you are going to do that, do you not think that will be coming out for you from the hearts of these parents? Do you not think that people will be making dua for you on the other hand, if you are going to drift him totally away from the house? Once you came in? Everyone else was divorced? What happens? Do you think that these people will be pleased with you that someone somewhere down the line might make a dua against you may Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us all from such bad and evil to us. But sometimes it comes out of the heart. When people have been
hurt a little bit too much. They might just make a little drag from their hearts and that might result in your failure. May Allah subhanho wa Taala not do that to us. The author continues to say it is incorrect for her to create a distance Oh, this is this the point we were mentioning just now the author is actually saying it. It is incorrect for her to create a distance between her husband and his family or cause hatred and he will feeling between them. A good wife will go out of her way to make sure that her husband has a good relation with his parents, his brothers, his sisters and family members. This is a great act of worship, and requires a lot of patience and tolerance coupled
with intellect and wisdom.
The next point he says she should only leave the home after seeking the permission of her husband, no matter where she is going whether to relatives or to strangers.
This will increase the trust and enhance the harmony. Now someone might say no. Why do I have to ask him? Well, the reason why you have to ask him Firstly, he's your husband, you married him? Does your husband come first? Or do your friends come first? If your friends come first and why did you marry your husband? And if your husband comes first then you can ask him that look, I want to go here. Can I go there? And if you and if he actually says yes and you obeyed and the day he says no you obeyed. Tell me how you feel after that. So Hannah law Tell me what it has done to your marriage. It will probably enhance the trust between you and He will learn to love you even further. May Allah
subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand
Next point he says she should not unnecessarily doubt or suspect her husband of having an affair the author has got straight to the point. He says she should not unnecessarily doubt or suspect her husband of having an affair. This type of suspicion, which is usually the result of self created thoughts and ideas, rumors of jealous people who might even claim to be friends, or even anonymous callers etc, will only result in destroying and otherwise happy marriage. Rather, she should display full support in difficult times, this will go a very long way in strengthening the marital bond Subhana Allah, that means at times of crisis, people are accusing him of this and that you display
full support. Even if there is something wrong that he is doing inshallah, he will leave it because he's going to feel shy when he sees your support. Subhana Allah This is what the author is trying to say. And it will go a long way in strengthening the marital bond. The author continues to say in the case where a wife has children from a previous marriage, it is a major sin to disallow the legitimate father of the child access to his children within reasonable limits. This must be worked out with the current husband and fulfilled according to the Sharia, many people don't even want to know about this Subhanallah similarly, if the husband has children from a previous marriage, it is a
major sin to deny his ex wife rights or to disagree that she sees his children and her children in the case where in the case where they are staying with their mother, etc. that Allah must be contacted for details regarding the explicit law of Allah subhanho wa Taala regarding custody and access, amazing I actually spoke about that a few nights ago, the author continues to say in order to maintain a healthy married life, it is important that the wife beautifies herself at all times for her husband within the limits of the Sharia. She should try to be neat and clean at all times. Smart and prune, apply a good scent within the home. In fact, she must make use of the permitted
makeup that is available, and she must understand that it is islamically rewarding to beautify herself for her husband, if she is not going to take care of this. Or if she wears tattered clothes that are creased, dirty, smelly, etc. and takes no pride in her appearance for her husband, then he may slowly lose interest in her. The Sharia has gone as far as terming it a sin to abstain from beautifying oneself or one's husband, always looking good in the home will definitely increase the value of a woman in the eyes of her husband. He will consider her as a great gift and appreciate what Allah Almighty has bestowed upon him. This point obviously speaks for itself. And the last
point that the author mentions, he says she must communicate well with her husband and tell him when major issues take place. If she is sick, she should not expect him to sense or to understand that she is sick without being informed. At times if he sees her looking sad or depressed. It is unfair not to explain why this is the case. Keeping a person guessing can be very harmful to the marriage. Sometimes she may be sad for other reasons. So she must mention these reasons. She must put forward the reason and clear the air. if the need arises or if need be, she must give him the opportunity to help or to explain sometimes you might be upset with something he has done you might have seen
something you can't just sulk forever and expect him to keep on guessing. You need to understand, talk to him explain to him tell him give him the chance to clear himself and once he has done that you need to ensure Allah accept that excuse of his except the explanation and that is how the marriage will move forward. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to understand what has been said inshallah, we will move further to the other relationships that a Muslim will have during his lifetime. And we will look at how Allah subhanho wa Taala has prescribed upon us various commands. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to be the best the best of people. May He
grant us the ability to be the most exemplary people are Sol Allahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Subhana Allah He will be handy Subhana Allah homovanillic shadow Allah Illa illa testofuel kimono too much