Ramadan 2023 – Reviving the Spirit #22
Channel: Mufti Menk
Series: Mufti Menk - Ramadan 2023 - Reviving the Spirit
File Size: 11.71MB
Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Healing Relationships
Episode Transcript ©
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Leyland to call the following
Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah. While he was happy at mine, my brothers and sisters, one of the most difficult things for us as human beings to do is to forgive others. It is very difficult, especially when it is done by someone who was close to you when they wronged you, and they have oppressed you or harmed you or usurped your wealth or something has happened. Sometimes it's a misunderstanding. But this is the month of forgiveness, we need to talk about the most difficult of things, and we need to encourage one another, to forgive and to reconcile, because to mend relationships is a great act of
worship. Let's go back. Allah Almighty created Adam, may peace be upon him and Hawa or Eve May peace be upon her, Adam and Eve were all father and mother. And we are all the children of Adam and Eve. Now, this would mean we're all related somehow, although it doesn't seem like that anymore. In fact, those of us who have gone into a family trees would notice that we don't even know our relatives who are quite close to us, when it becomes third, fourth generation, especially with extended family. So my brothers and sisters, if we're all connected, surely it means we should try our best to understand one another. To make life easy for those on earth. Who are our family members anyway?
Yes, we may not be on the same level of religion perhaps or we may not agree on our opinions or likes or dislikes. Isn't that all part of the plan of Allah Almighty, and part of the test that we have?
I'm not saying we should compromise on the truth ever. But what I am saying is, let's learn to forgive each other. And let's learn to reconcile. When we forgive each other, we would actually have to start off by letting go of petits get used to not holding too much. People have done things here and they leave it be let it go. The minute we hold on to too much my brothers and sisters, what happens is it affects us, it affects our health, our mind it clouds relationships, we tend to keep a distance from people who are relatively close to us. Sometimes they mean well, it's just that they have a different mentality, maybe a different upbringing, maybe slightly different in their cultural
norms based on the fact that they might have lived separately from you. Don't we have differences with our own spouses with our own parents, brothers and sisters, sometimes it becomes a little bit ugly, little bit ugly, meaning things that have gone wrong are quite big. They're quite major, we have seen that people have daggered us sometimes we feel that someone was backbiting, gossiping, slandering about us. The first point is minor matters. Like I said, don't hold them in your heart at all, you will be a much better person, you will be able to concentrate in your acts of worship, you'll feel good in your relationship between you and Allah Almighty. And in actual fact, you grow
in a beautiful way your health improves. Because a lot of the times when we hold things and we have anger temper, or we've really held grudges or something against someone, it really affects our sleep, our eating, and from that it affects everything else one by one. But when we've let go, we lead a life filled with goodness, contentment, calmness. Now,
as mentors become worse, if they are, let's learn to address them, speak about them. It's not easy. Talk about it. And if someone has spoken to you about a problem they have with you don't snap at them. Listen to what they have to say. You might be shocked or surprised as to how they look at how you speak to them or what you have done yet, you might have considered yourself totally innocent in that. So it's interesting to listen to people, lend them an ear, and then clarify with them. You know what, if you were wrong, then maybe we can talk about it and we can apologize to each other. But it doesn't mean I must wait for that person's apology in order for me to apologize when I know
I'm wrong. Subhanallah I can apologize and it's fine. I have a personal habit that I'd say
Sorry, if that person thinks I'm wrong, I'd still say sorry, even if I think I'm not wrong, because if that's going to solve the problem, it's okay. For as long as they fought, I was wrong. Well, I apologize SubhanAllah. Again, I'm not talking about compromising the truth, because people nowadays misunderstand what we say. I'm talking about reconciliation and forgiving people. So my brothers and sisters, then if the matter is such that we have spoken to each other, I heard, I was surprised, I was not surprised. And I spoke I tried to explain, remember, not every time is an explanation necessary. And this is something I learned over the years. Sometimes the simple, I'm sorry, would
solve the problem. But if you were to go to explanations, it becomes a competition between two parties where you are trying to prove who's right, they're trying to prove who's right and wrong, and we never win matters become worse, but rather, if this is going to solve the problem, so be it and Hamdulillah. Now, if, for example, it doesn't work that way, and it becomes a little bit ugly becomes even worse, or the matter was something that I tried to address, but people didn't want to allow me to address it, then we have an issue. Again, let go of it, you're encouraged to let go. The Quran speaks about people who've wronged us that we're allowed to hold it to take them to task,
we're allowed to actually
do back to them what they did to us in terms of equaling the scores. But every time Allah says it is better to forgive, Allah says, Will you not forgive, it is better to let go for you for your worldly life and for your future. And for you, here after the Hadith makes mentioned about someone who's forgiving, Allah will forgive them to for their own sins between them and Allah. That doesn't mean you must forgive them. But you pay a price
regarding the choice that you've made, so if you're not going to forgive, it's okay. But the price you're going to pay for that is, you may be miserable. A lot of the times, you may allow that problem that was solvable at one stage to seep into the next generations, where it will become worse, cousins don't speak to one another. And they really think bad about one another simply because the older people had a problem they could have solved but they didn't. So it goes into the cousins and the next generation of children, grandchildren, and so on. And they hate each other and you start making big groups of people within the all within our own families. That is something we
must speak about in this beautiful month of Ramadan. Don't allow that to happen. You are responsible you all your children, your grandchildren and the other generations that are going to come that you tried your best to resolve the matters, you owe it to them because they need to intermarry at some point. They need to get together at some point they need to stand up for one another. At some point. The world is a place where people are teaching us to become alone, I must be on my own. I must stay away from everyone else, not realizing that those who have done that for the last so many decades, are coming the other way around. And they're saying, we miss family, we have no one to care for us.
We have no one to look out for us, no one to question us. So we need to strike a balance. We don't want to be so into everyone that we begin to interfere in their lives. And we don't want to be so distant and away that we don't even have this relationship at all, but rather keep a balance. When we visit. Sometimes we know not to overstep the welcome. And at the same time, we maintain good relationships. We don't want to keep such a distance that they don't know who we are. And we don't want to be in their lives such that they get irritated of us, but rather a balance in the middle. So to reconcile and to make amends is something amazing. The Prophet peace be upon him taught this to
us and Allah Almighty mentions it like I said many times in the Quran, one of them is an interesting story where Abu Bakr Siddiq, Allah, one whose daughter who is the Mother of the Believers, each of their loved one or the wife of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, was accused by some people of immorality.
And one of them was a relative of Abu Bakr, Siddiq or the Allahu anhu, whom he used to spend on and he used to look after and take care of. And so Abu Bakr Siddiq, Radi Allahu Anhu swore an oath that he is not going to spend in this man. And Allah revealed verses that those with virtue and those who have been blessed by Allah, and those who have who have in terms of sustenance, they shouldn't be making such promises, give and make amends. And don't stop being kind to them. Even though
They did something bad to you. Because Allah says well yeah for Warriors for who Allah to hipbone and yell for Allah who will come. In our terms, I would say, Forgive and reconcile, would you not like Allah to forgive you? So from this, what we learned is there are two things. One is to forgive someone, I forgiven, that. They may know you forgive them, they may not know you forgive them, but it would be good if they knew, especially if they know what they did was wrong. But secondly is the reconciliation is a little bit more difficult. They say, Forgive and forget, that's not an Islamic statement. Forgive, but I won't forget, because I don't want to be bitten from the same hole twice.
The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him tells us, a true believer is very careful, he doesn't be bitten from the same source more than once I was bitten once. I know I forgiven, I let go. But this might happen again. So I need to put into place a mechanism that will ensure that it doesn't, that's amazing. So forgive and forget, if it's something petty is easy, maybe. But we believe forgive, don't forget, I don't need to forget, it doesn't mean that I dislike you or something, I'm just careful. Secondly, the reconciliation can only be possible when there is genuineness on the other part. So therefore, there is a lot of work required, I need to work very hard on this relationship.
Over time, I'll prove myself again, imagine husband and wife something went wrong. There was a little bit of infidelity or whatever it may be to a certain degree, if you want to mend that there's going to be a lot of very hard work over a long period of time to come back to where you were, or maybe even better. But if you're not prepared to work hard, the reconciliation is going to be more difficult than the forgiveness. So may Allah Almighty help us. Similarly, if you find that these people seem like they may not be that genuine, you might want to think to yourself, I forgiven them, but I don't want to interact that much with them anymore. That's also fine. But again, as a last
resort, may Allah Almighty help us all and grant us is a call on you this evening to forgive and reconcile Akula Coley was salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Leila and to call the reifying