Parental Guidance

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Singapore, June 2013

Episode Transcript

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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smilla evil hamdulillah salatu salam, ala rasulillah Muhammad wa ala and

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we praise Allah subhanho wa Taala as always, and we send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we ask Allah to bless him, his household, his companions, and every single one of us, may Allah bless us all and grant His goodness brothers and sisters in Islam. Mashallah, we are back for the next segment of this beautiful seminary that we are having here in this city of Singapore, or country of Singapore, same thing in Sharla.

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And we thank Allah for giving us the opportunity to have read this Salah. And to have returned here

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we will be speaking about issues related to parents and children. And we will be spending inshallah the next 40 to 45 minutes on that. As you know, what is important my brothers and sisters is for each one of us to reflect over our own condition, whenever a speaker is speaking, ask yourself where you fit in, don't think he is attacking you don't think he's picking on someone. Don't think that he, what he's saying is referring to the lady sitting next behind me, in this case of the sisters, or the man sitting next to me in the case of the brothers, but each one of us should look at how best we can take that piece of advice. When we say parental guidance, PG. A lot of the times,

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children will tell you and parents will tell you, it means it's a movie you're allowed to watch. Parental Guidance PG. You know, that means you if your mother or father is sitting next to you, perhaps they can click the remote now and again, when they don't want you to see things. But generally it would mean that you're allowed to see it a little long. That's how bad we've become over time. When we look at terminology and we refer it to that which is common, we refer it to that which has become the norm not realizing that there is much more to it. The first thing we need to know, as a parents, a lot of you who are seated here have parents who are alive, but you are not

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parents yourself. Show me with a show of hands, how many of you are not parents yet put up your hands.

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To me that is the majority of Mashallah unless you were putting up two hands with children can do that.

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So we can speak to you about one level prior to that and that is make sure you give your child a gift.

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Made sure you give your unborn child a gift of a good mother or a good father, Allahu Akbar.

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Do you understand what that means? Make sure you give your future child a gift of choosing a proper wife or husband so that they could have a good mother or father Subhanallah that is something you can start with. It's not too late Subhan Allah, may Allah grant us goodness. So that is the first point that will make life easy later on. Thereafter, if you look at when you have children, Mashallah The first thing that you need to know. And here we are speaking from a holistic point of view, not solely from a spiritual point of view, but it would include spirituality as well.

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We are taught that there is no room for laziness, your life changes, you have a child, your life change is no room for laziness. The Father's need to have a lot of patience, and the mothers need to have a lot of patience as well. And they would need both of them to eradicate what is known as laziness, it's gone. When you're young, you might laze around you have your friends, you might be sleeping until midday. And then you get up and then you work for a few hours and you're back in bed. And perhaps you might liven up when everyone else is going off to sleep.

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When you have a child

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that changes initially right at the beginning, you need to make sure that you serve the child correctly. You look after the child, Allah has given you a gift. Ask those who don't have children, may Allah bless them with children. Ask those who are trying to have children for decades and don't have last night we spoke about it. We touched on it very slightly, but

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you would only know the gift of Allah upon you that you have born a child when you look at those who really don't have children and they tell you were married for 16 years, no children, Allahu Akbar, Allah bless them and bless us all.

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So when you have the child ultimately remember, like I said,

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Point number one laziness out, you will need to the mother will need to breastfeed will need to feed will need to change nappies the father will need to assist now and again, he will need to bear a lot of patience, he will need to utter words of support to his spouse, both regarding herself as well as the child.

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The worst thing that a parent could ever do is to say, I didn't want a daughter, or I didn't want a son, I wanted the other. That's the worst thing or to look at the child and say, Oh, no, this child doesn't even look like anywhere near me or you. That is terrible. That is, in fact, unacceptable. When it comes to Islam, you do not utter hurtful words at that point in time. Or people say Look at you, you looking so you know you you've changed so much, no longer interested in you, you are the one who impregnated her, my brother, you were the one who were responsible as well. So stand up to that responsibility, and appreciate the fact that she has sacrificed in many ways.

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So we need to support one another. Why? Why do we start with this because if you don't support one another,

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the child as the child grows, the child will receive some confusion, some confused, or mixed messages, messages that don't make sense to the child, my mom and dad don't even get along, they fighting each other, you know, they don't have time for each other. Look at me in the middle. So the child will turn to a third party, instead of mother or father. And a lot of people don't know this, and they don't realize it and don't even pick it up. But the parental deficiency in the lives of the children is increasing. Because a parent is no longer there. Nowadays, we are at work all day, or we don't want to even show any sense of responsibility completely. And so the child receives whatever

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guidance they are meant to be receiving from you from someone else. That's a problem.

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So to support one another, as husband and wife or the new mother and father, very important to utter words of love and goodness, when a child senses the close relation between its mother and father, the child automatically feels very secure, very secure. And this issue of feeling secure is extremely important in the good upbringing of the child psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and in a lot of other ways. Even physically. Some children get sick, they develop a sickness, not because they are supposed to be sick due to a deficiency in mineral vitamins. No, because they cannot handle the situation at home, Mom and Dad swearing each other Mom and Dad, you know fighting

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each other no time for each other no good words, sometimes and I know of children who have caught their parents having an affair. And that damages the child sometimes irreparably or sometimes very seriously. So the issue that then we'd like to raise is that of responsibility. One is laziness out.

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Two is supporting one another. Three is responsibility. You need to be very responsible, you need to understand that I have a duty, my child will be watching me from a very early age. In fact, prior to birth, the child is already affected by what it hears, and even by the emotions of the mother and by what it hears whilst it is in the womb of its own mother. This is why we say make sure that you stay away from that which is bad in terms of language, in terms of what you are listening to. And make sure you increase the goodness perhaps the Quran, you might be listening to the goodness soothe yourself, make sure that you are in the right company. All this has an effect on the child.

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People have already proven this.

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Scientists non Muslims have proven that if the mother has to do certain things while the child is in the womb of the mother, the child is affected. If you take for example, a puff at a secret, it affects the child a lot. And you are trying to tell me that other things will not affect the child we are sending whilst we're expecting that won't help the child.

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When you plant when you sow a seed, for example, you'd like to sow a seed of goodness, you'd like to put the

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fertilizer that will not kill off that particular plant but that will result in the proper growth of the plant. And that will then bring about fruit that will taste good that will be good Mashallah. So with us, we need to develop the sense of responsibility to the degree that we watch our words.

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You know, people say and I've heard this very good statement. You know, I

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I used to swear before but once I had a child, I stopped swearing.

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I'm not talking about myself, sorry, I'm talking about what we hear people say. The reason is no and that doesn't mean I still swear.

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And hamdulillah we thank Allah We ask Allah to protect our tongues. But I'm saying an example of the one whom the fact that he's had a child or she's had a child makes them stop swearing while law he good news to you, at least there was something that made us you know, eradicate this bad habit of yours. responsibility. You know, a system I tell you, I was never interested in proper dress. But now I've got two daughters and you know what, I am responsible. They are watching me they're looking at me. And I'd like them to also grow up in this purity. So panela someone else might tell you I used to sit and watch movies all evening but now I listen to proper Islamic religious talks, and my

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children join me and they enjoy the jokes of the parents.

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Allah blesses my mothers and sisters, beloved brothers who are here this afternoon, Allah He the responsibility we have as people who are inshallah preparing a future generation. One of the major issues is that, with the difficulties we are facing in modern society, with the technology that we have that is being used mostly to lead people away from morality and from good character and conduct, we still have more access to religious material than we ever had before in history. Do you know that

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today you have access to people from across the globe, a man or a woman of your choice? Who can teach you the deen Subhanallah so many sisters are benefiting from online lessons that are conducted by other sisters across the globe. Amazing. that opportunity was not given to so to the people before us, so no use to blame technology and say, you know, it's leading our children astray. It is this it is that how are you using it, they will watch you they will see you if you are sitting and watching a movie and Salah time comes and you say Don't worry, you know acid will only end at 520 so at 519 I'll get up and quickly read my Salah if that's the attitude, then what do you expect your

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child to do? They will say you know what, it's not Ramadan, but to have the feeling of Ramadan, we leave all our salah and at the end of the day we will do kebab it will seem like taraweeh

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that will be the attitude and so you find people going to work early morning. No Salah neither in the morning, not in the afternoon and not in the early evening. But in the night before they sleep they read that tarawih thinking that tomorrow This is a tearaway that doesn't have a fast after it. Allahu Akbar, may Allah bless us may protect us if that is our attitude, our children will deteriorate further. You look at the narration the Hadith says Cairo nursey Kearney from Manila Nina Luna Hamza Molina, Luna, the best of people, my generation, and then the next and then the next and so on. This is the general trend, because there is more and more in terms of distraction in on the

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globe today than there was yesterday. But at the same time, if you are dedicated and you show your children through example, how to live a life of purity, the child will be able to lead that life of purity with you. But you will have to lead a responsible life part of responsibility is to eradicate your bad habits.

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eradicate it, drop it, imagine you're a father, you've got two children, they are with you and you busy, what's happening. And your wife is not very far she's perhaps in the kitchen, and you busy sending BBM messages and so on and little instant messages and smiling and laughing at your phone like you've never done with your own wife. What message does it give to your child?

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The child is taught that you know what a wife is just there to be used to cook and perhaps to clean and to bear children and thereafter fun is with someone else. That's what the child is told.

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That's what the message that is the message the child gets. So the child looks down upon his own mother number one, and the child will marry someone whom he will oppress because for him that was what life was all about. That's what he saw from his own parents.

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But if we have the time, we can smile at one another spend time with one another. Put your phone aside for that valuable time on a daily basis. Half an hour, one hour is not too much to literally switch off that phone of yours. I have to be saying this because today we are in the age of phones. How many of you do not have a phone put up your hand?

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Do you see any hands? I don't see one. So we are living in the age of the phone. So we need to tell you and I need to remind myself you

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responsibly, voila, he that phone can make you or break you

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how you use your telephone, it can seep through the next generation. Do you know that because if you are a responsible person, imagine your children are watching you, every day mom comes in, or dad comes in, when the two of them meet, the phone switches off for one hour, and the child is watching and the child sees the goodness that comes out of it. And the child watches the interaction, the smile, the way you learn to forgive one another and correct one another. Like we've spoken about the food in the past, where if something goes wrong in the home, your children are watching, make sure you rectify the matter responsibly, because that is how they will do it in the future. And they

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might even choose a worse method. So if you are responsible, you smile and you look at the food and you mentioned the good aspect of it, you might eat a little bit you might leave some you might do whatever you have to but at the end of the day, you are always conscious of the fact that I am a parent. And these are my children, they are watching me, Allah has blessed you and me with a gift. And what is the gift your children automatically inclined to you automatically there is there is a sense of love and affection between parent and child from day one.

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Automatic the child looks up to you. You know, this is why

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those who dumped their children, the stones will love those who abandon their kids. That is not the natural quality of a human it is totally unnatural. It is not from Allah, it is from shaytan from the devil. It is because they have not nurtured themselves according to the teachings of the maker. But rather they've allowed teachings of the devil to tap them here and they and they have become affected by those teachings. May Allah protect us.

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Allah has made our children look up to us automatically. So it's an extra duty and responsibility for us to build the new generation that when we leave this world, we will have people who will pray for us to say my father taught me this.

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You know, I used to sit, people will say May Allah make it such that they can say that about us. I used to sit and watch my father. And I learned so much from just watching him he was such a kind man, when he was upset, he still used to say good words. You know my mother, she was dedicated. She used to wake up early in the morning every single day. And she used to make sure that the tea was ready for us as children.

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She served us She sacrificed her sleep in order for us to sleep.

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How many of us can say this, I think a lot of us can say it about our mothers. But how many of our children will be able to say it about us, my mothers and sisters, my brothers and fathers who are seated here.

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Today we have a different outlook to life where we will sleep. Each one is trying to pass the buck on to the other your child is crying or needs your attention. And you are telling your husband go and check in as much as you go and check. No you go and check.

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And then you would say no, I just checked just now. Now it's your turn. No, it's your turn. Come on this equality here. The two of us are fighting. In the meantime, what happened to the child only Allah knows. And sometimes the other child is slightly older is listening. And you know that the the the message they would get mom and dad don't like us they looking after us. Just by the way, look, the two of them are fighting who should be going to my little brother?

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Well, this is a new trend where people are running away from responsibility. We are living in an age of technology. Yes, but it's also an age of laziness. Do you know that where people don't want to do what they are supposed to be doing? We are so lazy. This is why Islam, there is no room for laziness. Allah makes it compulsory upon you to get up for Salah early in the morning before the sun rises, whether you like it or not for you to be able to defy your own body when it wants you to oversleep and say no, this is the time to get up. I'm up. So if you went to eat your Salah and train yourself to get up when you have to get up not when you want to get up, then automatically when your

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child is in need of you you will get up because you have to get up. And because you want to now get up because you have been training yourself to want what you need. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. I know it might sound sophisticated, but I hope you've understood what I've just said.

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It's very important. So if you look at Islam, the minute I show through leading by example, I will be a good Muslim automatically inculcating those good qualities

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through to my children and not only to them, but to others who witness as I have seen

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People who go to their workplace. And I've witnessed this, or I've heard about it firsthand, where there was a sister who told me that, you know, I

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was wearing the hijab. And when I got a job at a certain place, I chose not to abandon it, but to continue with it. And I pitched up with my scarf to my workplace. And my bosses were Muslim.

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But none of them ever wore scarves. And from my colleagues, some were Muslim, some were not. They gave me the dirty looks initially, and so on and so forth. And in no time, more people wore scarves.

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More people wore scarves, and I didn't say one word, and come time for Salah. I used to quickly fulfill my Salah. Now, I want to stop there for a moment because sometimes we are Muslims. And we abuse, we abuse, the fact that we are Muslim, in order to achieve things that are an Islamic, you know what that means? You go to work and you tell your boss, look, Friday time I need to go. So we leave at 10 o'clock, we come back at three o'clock, what happened?

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You went shopping and everything and people are thinking you want for Salah, your boss is giving you freedom of religion and you have freedom of the city, Allahu Akbar. That's not how it's supposed to be. Sometimes people are saying no, I need to do this because I'm a Muslim, I have to go I need an extra 10 minutes for my lunch break. And then we are going out and having coffee at some other far off place. What happened to your Salah it wasn't even fulfilled. So this is why I say people sometimes suffer the consequences of our deeds because we abused the system. And then it was blocked for others because people started thinking these Muslims are all the same. They asked you for leave.

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And they asked you for this and that in order to go for for example,

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salah and yet they are not day. So we are going to block everyone. So others are suffering because of our deeds. Allah protect us. So I was saying the sister says, I used to read my Salah. Very few minutes I take and I am back. And I would read make sure that my Salah is done. So much so that one day, one day.

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One of my bosses, who was a lady came to me and told me Sorry, sister.

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I just want to know, where is the pillar? Wow. your workplace you don't know where the Qibla is. Mashallah, we don't want to look at that question. We want to say congratulations to the other sister. The fact that you lead by example, you showed by without speaking without saying anything, they just watched you a guilt went into their hearts and they felt after even if it meant a week or a month or a year that you know what we do need to turn to Allah Subhana Allah, if that is the impact you can have on those you work with, believe me, those who live with you have a bigger impact on them.

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Today, we spend more time with those we work with than those we live with. Do you know that because we go to work early morning, we come back in the evening, and we have a proper interaction with those we work with. And yet, let me tell you what else happens when we come back home, our kids are sleeping. And sometimes we are wide awake, but sitting in front of a TV, a computer or a telephone. That's what's happening. So have you interacted with those you live with? No. But do you interact with those you work with? Yes, so many people are getting married at the workplace.

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Now, do you know why?

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Because we interacting with people so much more than we would at home. And once you get married, the marriage doesn't work. Why? Because now you're living with them.

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I hope you following what I'm saying here.

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You married them because you work with them. Now that you're living with them, the marriage is not working, because you're no longer working with them. This is what it is. So this is why work with those who live with work on your marriage. That's what they say, you know what that means? That means like you spend time interacting at work, you must come home and do the same thing. Switch off your phones, you know, it can't just be work all the time. I tell people, one of the biggest failures of parents is that they give preference to money over children. So you might say, well, we have to provide food. We're not talking about providing food, we're talking of extra and excess,

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which means your salary is already $10,000 a month. And now because you want another $1,000 you allow them to phone you at any time of the night or day back at home every single day of your life for the rest of the year. What was the point of getting married? What was the point of having children you rather have married your money and you rather have really looked at your money as your own kids, your offspring? What was the point? So you need to set yourself a deadline or should I say a limit? If I this particular time I knock off it's over. Sometimes if it's your own business, you might not be able to do that. But you need to also set yourself a limit in terms

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of if I am earning so much Yes, if I get a salary increments Alhamdulillah, but after that inshallah I will start cutting my hours a little bit, you know, some people have their own business. So they work very hard for 10 years, from what time to what time, say, for example, working hours, eight to five, if it's your own business, you need to work from seven to six, one more hour on either side of the day, because it's your own business. But if you do that for more than 10 years, you have not succeeded. Why? Because it's your own business, you now need to start delegating things, you need to create a manager, you need to create a director, you need to step back, you need to start enjoying

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your life and your money, you need to start enjoying it with the right people, your children, you are a parent. So now what happens, you have a manager who manages so now you come to work at nine o'clock, and you leave at three, where does the excess time go, I dropped my children off to school, and I picked them up Alhamdulillah some people might be thinking all the managers, they might pinch, you need to cater for that you need there needs to be an allowance. And nowadays, you have CCTV, so halala, you can have it all over the show, you can actually have so much that, you know technology here in Singapore, on your mobile phone, you can sit and watch what's going on everywhere. You can

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have 20 cameras at your workplace and you can, you know, continue in your surveillance of it with your mobile phone, you know what I'm talking about. So what that means is you need to spend a little bit more time for things that are now more important. You cannot keep on some people increase and say no, my business is going big. So now I go at four o'clock in the morning, and I come back at nine o'clock at night. Why did you have children? And why did you get married.

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And if that is really the case, take all your children and your spouse and everyone to your workplace and operate from there.

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Yes.

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You haven't had breakfast, you haven't had lunch, you haven't had supper with your children. And it's been the whole week, come weekend. We're going golfing, golf, and play golf.

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Golf, I'm not talking a VW Golf, we're talking about the golf, the Tiger Woods thing. Allah protect us from that type of behavior.

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So my brothers and sisters, I want to add something even more important.

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making time for your maker, you're up.

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If you don't make time for him, it's not like you just suddenly going to have the link with your maker and you haven't made time. Look, I can give you a powerful example. For your business in mind, we will do so much in order to develop it for your salary and mind. We will do so much in order to get a better one. But what about in order to develop my link with my maker? Imagine if your boss tells you you know what, I give you an increment of 50%. And I only want you to increase half an hour a day 50% that means from my $10,000 a month it's becoming 15,000 and only half an hour increase you know in time. So yes, yes, yes, no problem. I tell you what, my boss, increase me one

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hour and increase the salary 100%.

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That's what we would say. But Allah is telling you, I'm asking you for 24 minutes, one minute for every hour that I give you in the day. Are you ready?

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And what will I give you in return? Something was more than your entire salary. The fact that you are breathing, you are alive you are seeing you are watching you are hearing you can walk you can eat you are close. And you have so much I gave you absolutely everything. And I'm asking you for every hour that I've allowed you to live. Give me back one minute.

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Brothers and sisters food for thought, isn't it? Food for Thought law?

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Why do they say food for thought? Have you ever thought of it? That also is food for thought.

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So this is why we say you need to make time for your maker. Yes, make time for your family. But they need to watch you they need to see you prioritize in your life. They will salute you because you will have taught them without even speaking to them that this is how you prioritize for 10 years I worked very hard. Then I cut down because I needed to make time for my family and children. And thereafter as my child grew up a little bit older. In the teenage years. I was with my child and I was there whenever he or she needed me that is a parent.

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That is a parent. We are not there for our children nowadays. So who's there for our child? Can I tell you?

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I'm trying to think of names of movie stars. They are there for our children. Tom Hanks, who else

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so many others I don't even know their names. I just know the one.

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I don't know why we read it somewhere. But to be honest with you, he's entertaining our children and so are the others. What are they doing? They just active in front of them all day and the kids are so happy and excited. So now he wears clothes not like yours, but like from

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Hands.

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And he talks not like you. But like those guys there, you know.

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And he walks not like you. But he walks like, you know what the bounce is in his in his legs and his feet. And the way he talks, the way he walks, the way he operates, what's cool to him is not what you consider cool in the heat of Singapore.

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It is what is considered cool on the screen. So these are the people who are now bringing up our children why I wasn't even bothered to be there. When my child needed me most, he turned to the internet or she turned to the net, and some ugly person who was there as a wolf, waiting in ambush to eat my innocent child has got hold of my daughter. In law, for example, this is just an example. Because I wasn't there. And she had to turn to a chat room in order to release some steam. This is what's going on talk about parental guidance. And you see, we are talking of current problems, reality on the ground, what is happening, you don't know where our children are turning for help

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that you are not offering them as a parent.

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When your child needs help, who would you like that child to turn, we don't even have patience with our children. So it brings me to the next point. And that is the point of patience. You need a lot of patience, like we say sacrifice a lot. When your child comes up to you with something weird, don't just shun them address the issue, and not in a way that will chase the child away. Gone are those days when you could just slap a child into position. It's no longer that way. You know, they say when you are balancing, we'll have you ever watched him balancing a wheel, the wheel goes around and they put a little small piece of lead a few little point milligrams in order to get that

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straight. And they do it so tirelessly. Slowly but surely, and they carry on until it says zero. When it says zero they released the tire they put in the next one, have you watched it happening? I'm sure you would.

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Why? Because one small grant more this side or that side will really cause a big disturbance on the wheel. The most beautiful of motor vehicles which might be a Rolls Royce can have such a wheeze or such a trembling feeling because of one gram of lead, which was put on the wrong side of the wheel or at the wrong place at the wrong time.

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You follow? So with us our children are more important than the wheels on the cars, we need to spend much more time with them. And you need to be very, very careful because one gram one milligram that you might place on the wrong place of that particular child will result in a problem. You know, before we when we were young, we used to have springy heads, you know, what's a sprinkler head you are looking for? And you get one slap on your face and this is what happens.

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It comes back. So you're still looking at the straight path. Today, the children you cannot slap them anymore. Why? They have sticky heads. The difference between a springy head and the sticky head, you know, what's this sticky head? They are looking they made a little blunder you slap them.

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It's now stuck that way. So they no longer looking in the right direction. We had a spinny head where they would slap us and we still say Dad, I love you. I still love you. That's how it was. Now snap. I don't love you anymore. You are the worst. How could you slap me you raise your hand? Okay. And they're not they don't come back home that evening? Where did they go to a guy who promised them something on a chat room.

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That's what happened. Or someone else? a cool dude who was looking cool outwardly because he was on drugs and having the secrets and everyone was around him. So they wanted to be accepted and they went there. You have a responsibility as a parent, speak beautifully to your child, talk to them, listen to them. Even when they tell you something weird, something strange. It's because they would like you to clarify it for them. At least Allah brought it to your attention.

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You know, we've had children who come to their parents and they say, You know what?

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I there's something wrong with me say Why?

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I don't know. I'm different, you know? So the parent is looking. What do you mean you different? What are you talking about? No, no, no, no, sorry. I'm not. I'm not it's just I was just, I was just joking that because of how you reacted, so the gay tendency that the child might have had, they now take it outside. Allah gave you the opportunity to deal with it. You didn't. You kicked it out. May Allah protect our children. Where did they get those tendencies from watching too many movies? That's what it is. Going into pornography you get fed up of your sexuality, because now nothing, nothing keeps you you fed up of the opposite sex. So what happens? You start doing things that are

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unthinkable

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Even to animals, Allah protect us all. So things start moving in certain directions this way and that way. And yet the choices that were made by the child, they were passed through you. And yet sometimes you turn such a blind eye or you made such a comment that that sticky face stuck on the wrong side it's effect. And then what happened? You say, oh, Chef, make dua for my child. Yes, it's important we will all make do out. So should you do is powerful to pray to Allah. Never lose hope in that it is the most powerful tool you have. But Allah says, we gave you an opportunity. Why did you blow it? Sometimes you pay? I mean, if there is a rotating blade in front of me, and I say, guys,

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look at this blade, you know, and I'm putting my hand on it and my fingers are sliced. Whose fault is it mine?

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I can make How much do I want to restore my fingers that will have to be in paradise.

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Allahu Akbar.

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The reason I say this is we are suffering today on the globe, mainly because we have not prioritized we don't understand why we are here. Before you know it, we will die. And we have not yet prepared the next generation to take over from us. We don't even know that we haven't even taught them how to be parents or spouses because they watched us they did not get guidance from us. When they watched us they saw something bad and evil, they went to school, each person that would that taught them was perhaps in a situation worse than ours. You know, I was about to say perhaps divorced. But divorce is not something bad on its own. It's the situation that sometimes is bad. Some people are divorced

00:36:39--> 00:36:58

as a point of mercy. So if someone says, You know what, I'm divorced, they could be a better woman than those who are never yet married. They could be, but maybe the situation around, made them go through that. Maybe they were saved from something terrible. The same applies to the men, not everyone who's divorced is a bad person. We don't want to stigmatize Not at all.

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In fact, sometimes because they were so good, they ended up in a divorce. It happens, Allah protect us. But what I am saying is sometimes

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whoever the child interacts with is worse than us. And we've allowed that to happen. Take your time, spend a lot of time with your child. So that brings me to another point, the issue of time, to me extremely important. You need to make time for your spouse, as a parent, to help your child develop your link with the child's mother or father.

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Very important, that child will not suffer the deficiency of a parent.

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Really, it's a sickness, I'm trying to think of the name of it, I read it recently. I can't recall the exact name but it's to do it's like a syndrome that is connected to children who lack one of the two parents or both of them. There is a syndrome they suffer in a specific way there is a pattern, you know, unruliness, and so on. And whatever else happens and lack of respect, and at a certain age, frustration, perhaps sometimes suicidal behavior. All these things are traits.

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And the times they were very avoidable, but we didn't we were too busy making money. So what happened, we weren't bothered, something more valuable than all the money we have. Allah has blessed us with. So we need to learn to make time for our maker. Make time for ourselves, make time for our spouses, our children manage the time, this is why today people talk of entertainment and each other we will discuss this in one of the topics that are to come.

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What is entertainment? What is it? Is it exactly what the globe today is saying? It is? Or is there a bigger picture?

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You need to ask yourself the question. Because if what you are calling entertainment is destroying your life, your children, your marriage. And believe me, that's not entertainment, that is destruction. That is destruction. So you and I inshallah we need to spend much more time with our children, we need to lead by example, like I say, your religious responsibility when you just fulfill it without even speaking already. It means a lot. So what about sitting in having a chat with your child? Be gentle. Make life interesting for your children. It's important, because today when they go to school, they have the latest technology when they are playing their games and so on

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the latest technology, the minute you talk about religion, they have to they have to change mode completely. And they have to come and they look at it as a burden because there's no screen to look at. There's no you know, a button to press. There's no touchscreen, there is no so make it interesting. Get the touchscreen, get it, let them use it a device. Look for those games where you play a game and you are winning whilst you are winning. You are earning knowledge you're gaining knowledge.

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Why is it the children when you ask them for general knowledge questions, you know you have a quiz

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You have a quiz

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that is beamed perhaps to the whole nation. And the children or the adults are answering questions and they asked you general knowledge questions. Where are the Islamic quizzes where they asked you the Islamic questions, how many of us would incline our children to them? At our institute back at home in Zimbabwe, we've started an annual quiz for many years. Obviously, it's not being done nationally and so on. But every once a year, in the first term, we have a quiz. The quiz is connected to either the serum or it's connected to perhaps general Islamic knowledge and we close it down to a specific topic so that people can learn it thoroughly. And then they come in and find it

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and they get good, you know, good competition, but the idea is not that the idea is

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making the burger

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so attractive that people want to bite into it. That's what it is.

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Imagine today, when Burger King sells you a burger. Or when anyone makes a burger at home. Let's not promote Burger King. You know, we promote our own burgers at home. So what happens

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they have a beautiful little bun that they've got sliced perhaps a little bit toasted and they'll put mayonnaise on it and Mashallah they then will have a little bit of you know, sauce on it and some nice fresh salad, you know, crunchy lettuce and so on with a little piece of beautiful tomato on it, and some lovely cucumber Eisley cut, you know, beautiful day and a lovely slice of cheese that comes on top of that. And thereafter this nice grilled piece of Philip that actually is put on it whilst it sizzling and at the top, they will put a little bit of sauce and slap goes the top of that particular burger. And you look at it and it's got hot chips with a beautiful seasoning on that

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chips looking at you in the face. Look at all the smiles.

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Just by talking about it. We want to eat it, don't we? Why it's beautified. It is beautified food is made beautiful when they want to give you a cake. Do you know that women spend so much time nowadays decorating the plate? things that you're not even going to eat is just decorated. When I went one to one place? I saw a plate on the plate. There were little dots. I said what says no, that's chocolate. I said Is it real chocolate? Yeah. Does anyone eat it? No, no, it's just to make it look nice, attractive. Then I said, Wow, this is a cake. That cake looks so beautiful. When I bit into it. It was not that grand.

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And I knew what I was going to get. And I got it. When I said well, the taste is a little bit different. That's it? No, this is a healthy cake. That's the good way. You know, my sisters, I teach you something, something doesn't come up. So well just say this is the health. This is the healthy version of it. And people will have to stomach it because I've seen people eating what they need, because it's healthy. And that's a good habit to eat what you have to eat, not what you want to eat. But then what happens is sometimes we just talk bad about food because it didn't taste how we wanted. But if I had to add the word This is healthy, we probably eat it to the last drop, low

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accuracy. This was healthy, low cholesterol, low cholesterol. You have low spiritual cholesterol as well. Really, we can spend so much time we beautify the food. Why don't you beautify the religion for your own children? And why don't you make it beautiful? Think of ways today you are sitting here. Do you know it's not easy to come and sit in the heat like this is far more simple to just click on YouTube and go and watch what you want. Yes, it's far more easy in the coziness of your home and perhaps in your bed while you're sitting back and your pillow is there. You know, and you just busy flicking flicking and so on. And you're so excited. Oh, this shift. Okay, I don't want

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him. Let me watch this other [???]. Okay, not this one. Okay, let's see what the news has. Let's see what and you just flicking and clicking. And that's what we're doing. I see the smiles because I think we do do that don't read.

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The new generation may not even come to attend something of this nature. I'm talking of the little children of today only Allah knows. But if you show an interest, and if you make them interested in something, it will come it will happen. They will definitely show an interest because I've had a child asked me a question. Can we not read Salatu Juma via the internet?

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And I didn't understand the question. I said what do you mean, sir? He says, you know how you have online classes you have online this country ma'am. Just be online. Allahu Akbar. And

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that is a real question. It's not a joke. And I said, Son, sometimes we need to interact with real people that we can actually shake the hand of,

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you know, you got to give whatever answer you have to to that child. There are a lot of answers. But the child it shows you that there is a new trend where people would like not to interact with real human beings. I asked the question

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and I received an answer of it through a research that some

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On deep regarding the Pepsi machines, you know, what's a Pepsi machine, it's a machine where you put in your dollar and outcomes, the cold drink.

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And there is a soubrette right next to it a little supermarket a small little shop right next to it, which sounds cold cokes. People, still the majority come to the machine and prefer not to deal with a human being. Do you know that? I was shocked. Go and check. You can go to Google and ask Him He will tell you.

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Really, he they, as you watched him walking majority, the older people who would walk into the shop Hello, how are you doing? How's your day been? How's the morning and you know, depending the shopkeeper will say, Oh, very well, how you doing? And so that interaction is actually spiritual. It's a spiritual interaction. It means a lot. older generation would take the time, have a lovely day, enjoy the rest of your day. I don't even know you. And it's just I'm just saying it's sometimes it's such a statement it comes out by default from your mouth. You don't even know that you said it. Have a lovely day. Enjoy your day. And people are waiting for it, you know? Yes. Oh, thank you so

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much. And you know, you buy something you interact so on. But now the new generation go and check the research that's being done, they would prefer to come to the machine, put $1 and take the drink out so much so that if something goes wrong and the dollar is taken, they'll hit the machine a little bit and put another dollar take out but they won't think there's a supermarket right next door that the machine will go wrong. They won't think that because it's the trend. We we are becoming people who are thinking that way. And it's our fault sometimes that we do not instill the proper values in our children. So one wonders what will happen for spiritual items matters like

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Salah in the new generation.

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Obviously, that rule is never going to change. You're going to have to come for it. You got axolotl jamara will never be a virtual Salah it's going to be a real Salah forever and ever.

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Why? Because you know and I know your circle is not sealed just by virtual interaction. It will only be sealed by real interaction. May Allah protect us.

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There is a lot that I could say so much has just come to my mind but at the same time, my brothers and sisters

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I've been speaking for 47 minutes and 2223 2425 seconds Mashallah. So we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless us all we still have another whole day together. inshallah, perhaps we may meet this evening later on, at a different venue. And inshallah we hope and pray that the few words I have said would be motivating parents, as well as children, as well as would be parents inshallah, and also motivate us to make the correct decisions when it comes to our spouses, enjoy life through Islam. Enjoy life through the knowledge that you have, and increase your knowledge in order to enjoy life. So inshallah we hope and pray, we can all smile and be happy. And we can our problems can be

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eradicated through the solutions that were taught to us by revelation. But we will need to learn revelation for that. Allah Islam is a beautiful religion. When the world thinks that it's barbaric. It's because they have not interacted properly with the real Muslims. But the reality is, I think, really, they have a lot to learn from us as well. But we firstly need to live by whatever we are taught as Muslims, and you find the whole globe would be so much attracted to the true Islam, that inshallah we would become a vehicle of goodness, if we had to put into practice whatever we were taught they are, or should I say the rules of Islam make up an entire lifestyle, and not just

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governing what you would do when you're in the masjid? Or governing what you would do when it's a religious occasion. But rather, every single moment is so spiritual, so beautiful, so much full of enjoyment, so much full of goodness and purity, if only but we knew May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us groundless goodness wa salatu wa salam ala nabina Muhammad wa Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh