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Keys To A Happy Home
Channel: Mufti Menk
File Size: 32.16MB
Expanding Horizons Tour – Mayura, Colombo, Sri Lanka.
Episode Transcript ©
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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy when we praise Allah subhanho wa Taala we thank Allah upon all conditions. We ask a lot to give us calmness and contentment, happiness and goodness. We ask a lot to give us the best of this world and the next We ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to open our doors. And we indeed praise Allah upon all conditions for we are taught to say Alhamdulillah Allah Callaghan. All praise is due to Allah subhanho wa Taala upon all conditions was Salatu was Salam O Allah Abdullah, he was truly Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam Allahu Allah, Allah He was happy.
We send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his household, his companions. We ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to bless them to bless every one of us to grant us every form of goodness. And we ask Allah to bless our offspring to come up to the end, to give them the guidance and to keep them steadfast on the team.
My beloved brothers and sisters, it is a beautiful day. A beautiful Eve,
a beautiful season. Lovely weather, beautiful people. What a lovely message in the house of Allah.
Allah has blessed us in millions of ways that we don't even think about. We only think about what goes wrong.
We never think about how easily we are breathing.
We're breathing with ease, we don't even notice that we're breathing.
But if you struggle to breathe for a minute, suddenly, it's a big problem.
But you forgot about it all your life.
Your heart is pumping without you noticing that it's pumping.
sound is too loud
130,000 times. So panela or more every day, but if you miss one,
there's a small chiama that happens, right? People become upset and miss one heartbeat missed. But while your heart was pumping while you were breathing, while you were seeing without difficulty while you were enjoying what Allah gave you, while your food was being digested without you thinking about it.
Did you praise Allah? Did you think Allah? Did you remember Allah? Did you realize that it was Allah who gave this to you or not? It's a very interesting question that I have started with. Today we are speaking about keys, keys to a happy
home. That's the topic that I've been given to talk about keys to a happy home. I want to start off by asking you a question that many people would not have asked themselves.
When we say keys to a happy home, many things come to your mind right? keys to a happy home. But I want to ask you what is a happy home to you? For a moment if I say keys to a happy home? What is the second part of that happy home?
Primarily it is genital for those?
Do you realize that
your home and my home is paradise.
The eternal life that has absolutely no defect, no difficulty, no hardship, nothing that I don't want would be there and nothing that I want would not be there.
That is the real happy home that we all strive towards. In order to get that home. We need to work in such a way that automatically the home that we have temporarily in this world will also become happy.
You see the point I'm raising, if I am striving towards
the happiness of my eternal home in a way that I please the Almighty and fulfill what he wants me to fulfill in this world, then automatically it will help me it will help me to lead my life in a way that the temporary home here is also happy.
So if you want to develop a relationship with your maker
You need to understand his value in order to know his value. Look at where you were, before you were born.
Look at where you were before you were within your mother's womb
I am a very complex person, you are very complex, you have organs and limbs, you have your identification, you have your thumbprint, your fingerprints, your iris prints, you have your identification, you have your unique self, you have feelings, you have relatives, you have family members, you have an earning, you have a salary, you will be spending, you need food, you need to eat, you need to drink, you have loved ones, you have emotions, you have an understanding, and then a brain Do you really think all of that is suddenly just going to come to an end. And that's it gone? After death is nothing to come. We are so intelligent that we should automatically know, it
cannot just end in 50 6070 years, there has to be something that's going to come after that. Just like there was something before we came here Subhan Allah, when you were in the wombs of your mothers, perhaps if you were able to speak, you might have thought that that's your place. And once the place became a little bit narrow, you might have thought for a moment perhaps who knows that this is the end of it, not realizing that it's only the beginning.
When the womb of your mother started becoming narrow, more and more narrow.
What were you thinking? I can't guarantee but I can try to help you.
You might have been thinking it's becoming narrow. Anyway, it's okay, let me be a bit of patience. I'm just going to die and it's over because now I can't even move. Now I can't move. Now I can't kick. Now I can't do anything. And just eating and becoming bigger and bigger, just like how now when we eat, we get older and older and older and you get to 8090. And then you tell yourself, well, it's okay. Those who believe are different, but those who don't believe at all, they say, Well, I'm getting old and it's okay, I'm just going to end it's going to die. That's exactly what was said in the womb before birth. And yet the little fetus did not know that in actual fact, they're not going
to die, they're going to come into this life of the dunya. So as much as they thought, it's the end of everything, boom, they will suddenly be life.
This life, the same would apply as you grow older. And as your life on Earth disappears and goes, sometimes people who don't believe become despondent, they start thinking there's nothing to come, there's zero as it is, let's enjoy. Let's do whatever we want. And that's it. These little temporary pleasures bring about sadness, not happiness, they will take away the happiness from your home.
You go out and commit adultery, you are snatching away the happiness from both homes, the one you're living in right now the temporary one in this world, and even the Hereafter, if you go out and become an alcoholic, what do you do? You might think for a moment while you are tipsy that you know it's okay, man, the ruler here, you know, and one is small and one is big and you walking this way and walking that way. That's what happens. But for a moment, what will happen or reality strikes in after a while and you realize, gosh, I even need to pay for the drinks I had.
May Allah forgive us? People intoxicated on drugs. The world is legalizing medicinal cannabis. Perhaps rightly so. There may be some use for it. And there is medicinal use with strict rules and regulations. And it is beneficial from the beginning. We knew that from a long time ago, but
that has given rise to young and old abusing that particular
drug just like they do other drugs. So don't tell me because they legalized weed somewhere in the world, that suddenly the social smoking of it is permissible. No, no, no. Let's get ourselves corrected here. The medicinal properties of cannabis, that is something else it is a study, and it has been proven and it is shown etc etc. So within that scope, there is definitely permissibility just like any other drug, you know that morphine and so many other drugs, even a cough mixture can become very addictive. Those who don't have any cough whatsoever and they drink it like it is Coca Cola for them. We will tell them it is just a drug that you're addicted on and it's prohibited. It's
wrong. It gives you a high or maybe it might say goodbye.
But either way, it is wrong. The same applies to weed there is medicinal use of it and I'm talking of cannabis, they call it marijuana, right?
See the young people smiling at me. Don't worry, I'm not going to say
Anything is pinned here. There is medicinal use of it. However, it's just like medication. If you're addicted to a certain tablet, a painkiller, etc, etc, we will tell you the same thing. It is an addiction. So let's get the straight when you're using it for the right reasons right purpose, etc. It may be permissible within that school. But if you're using it in the wrong way, we will tell you, you know what it's going to bring about sadness. We're talking about happiness. In order to get that happiness, you need to know what is the sadness. Because if I want to add, I need to know subtraction as well, so that I don't subtract by mistake. So I want happiness, I must make sure that
nothing that brings about sadness is within me. So sometimes these temporary pleasures they don't bring about goodness, they will be with you for a moment you feel high. And a little while later, as I said, it says goodbye. It's a reality. It's a fact. Let's understand this because my beloved brothers, my sisters, every one is searching for contentment and happiness, but we are looking for it where it is not available. We are looking for happiness and contentment in drugs and in sin, whereas happiness and contentment only comes through the obedience of the Almighty through through a pure life, a life filled with values and morals, the worship of Allah, the respect of one another,
that which is elevated and lofty. That is what will bring about lots of happiness, you will be a happy person because you didn't sway anyone. You didn't abuse anyone. You didn't cause hate and hurt, you didn't become jealous of people. And if your heart tried to make you lean towards those sins, you quickly quelled that flame that came within your heart. And you told it No, I'm not going to fall because it might give me temporary pleasure to swear to yell to abuse to say things. But immediately after that, it's a life of regret. How many people have divorced their spouses
during anger in such a way that they have regretted that and sometimes they can be assisted and sometimes they cannot be assisted how many. So therefore, that moment of rage is a moment when you can make or break yourself. The moment where you have dropped your values and morals is a moment where you may have just lost a lot in terms of happiness and contentment within your own home.
And Allah gives you a chance Allah gives you despite Allah subhanho wa Taala gives you a lot of time before
he pulls the rope.
Repent within that time turn to Allah within that time, you and I don't know how long it's going to last. From amongst us seated here today, brothers and sisters from among those who are watching globally the live stream and those who will see this later.
None of us know when we are going to die therefore turn to Allah. Turn to Allah. You want happiness leader, pure good life, ask Allah forgiveness, he will give you the first step of happiness. You know why? When you seek Allah's forgiveness, he becomes so happy, so happy, so happy that so many nations have described. So many narrations have described how happy Allah becomes. And the Quran says in Allah How you
been our your Buddha hearing, special love of Allah.
Allah loves those who constantly ask his forgiveness. Stop for a moment.
Who is sinless here today? Who has never committed a sin?
We're all sinful people, right? So Allah is telling you a lie that I love those who constantly repent, which means they would have sinned, but they will come they will repeat immediately.
You see, sometimes shavon makes us think that my sin is too big. There's no forgiveness. For me. That's a trap of shaper. He wants you to lose hope in the mercy of Allah. No matter who you are, no matter what you've done, no matter where you've reached in sin. I promise you the love of Allah is one small repentance away. So
the moment you start saying, Oh Allah, forgive me, it's enough love. Allah says I love you. Why? Because the Quran tells you Allah loves those who seek forgiveness.
The happiest home is the one way
Your relationship with Allah is beautiful. Allah knows you're a sinful person. Allah knows you're not a saint, Allah knows that you have done wrong and you will do wrong and you continue perhaps to do different types of wrong. We're not talking here of that which is evil, but we're talking of sins because we'd sin out of human nature, not out of defiance of Allah.
When you've done something wrong, do you do it because Allah said, don't do it. So I'm going to defy Allah and I'm going to do it. No, none of us do that. But if Allah says, Don't do this, sometimes human nature makes you fall, Allah says, a comeback. I love those who seek forgiveness constantly to the ones who seek forgiveness constantly.
And then Allah says, mutata, hearing those who are cleansing themselves, often, those who are clean, clean, in what way physically, as well as in other ways, and clean in my acts of worship, and clean physically, I keep myself neat, prim and proper.
You want to happy home, keep your home clean, neat. Don't be lazy. Get up and clean after yourself. You get up in the morning, you make your bed and you don't just throw you no matter how rich you are, no matter how many servants we have in the home, you make your bedroom soon now,
to see that. Some people, they just throw this that way. That way. The one shoe is in one corner and the other one they have to look for it in the bathroom. Yes. And half your clothing is this way. And that way this look at the room and you seem to look so romantic, right? Not at all. You pick up the mess that you made. That is part of the happiness of your own home. It's asuna. Don't just leave it I heard a man say that's the job for ladies. What did you just say? You must make the mess and they must clean up? Is that what Allah created them for? I have created women to clean up after the mess of men. Oh, the Billa there's no such verse. You have imposed that on yourself. You need to clean
your place you need to assist the family members to clean up the home. How many do that? I don't think we do it. And then we think No, my father never ever did it. You think I'm going to do it?
Well, when your children what you do, if they're going to say my father used to do it right now I'm going to do all of it. Mashallah. May Allah make it make us happy.
You know, in your home, it's not a match to try to prove who is the boss, it's not a match. We are all bosses of our home. It's our home, when people come in. And they see such a dirty home, it reflects on the people of the home all of them. They won't just blame one person they blame all of you look at this house, we don't want to go into there again. Right? It happens.
So learn to clean up. Allah loves those who are clean. You may do you've cleansed yourself. You went to the bathroom, you cleanse yourself. Why is it that if you enter a place where will do is made? A lot of the times you find that people have not cleaned the place? It's dirty, its filthy. Many times people wouldn't even want to go into there. Why is it that people who are Muslim mean supposed to be the cleanest of people when they use the public facility to make their will do or to use the toilet because there is water being used. They make like they have a license to actually throw the water all over the show. And it's so dirty because the feet are or the shoes are all on that water and the
water becomes dirty and it looks so ugly, and it begins to smell and those are Muslims. And that's the facility used by those whom Allah says he loves those who are very clean from amongst you.
When you make a difference, when you use the facility again, when you use a facility again, again,
clean up, make sure it is left as you found it for better, but not worse. Allah says he loves those who are clean.
That includes your words. Do you say clean words or dirty words you want to happy home? Allah says I love those who are clean. Their words are clean, they physically clean. When we speak at home, what type of language do we use? Well, luckily my brothers and sisters, I have come to this country for 10 years.
I have spoken about using language 10 years in a row without missing a single year.
Has it made a difference?
I was telling the brother that next year. I think I'll give it a break. We can make use of other scholars perhaps. And it's a reality. Perhaps we give it a break for a while. But I tell you my brothers and sisters, it's a fact. If your mouth hasn't improved. What happiness do you want?
You think you're a man
You're a woman, you think you're the mother in law, you think your daughter in law, who's perhaps good looking, so you have the license to attain what you want.
And you want a happy home. You say what you want how I'm a man, I can swim. I can call names. I'm the boss, I bring the money in the home, I can say what I want, I can do what I want. How can we think that way. You really want happiness, make others happy. Allow will make you happy. Be considerate of their feelings allow will give you good feelings. Be considerate of how they feel, how they would react to what you have said. So therefore, you said that which was the best at some movement, that's a true believer, you want to really follow the prophets of Salaam, you want to literally show true love to the messenger peace be upon him, Watch your tongue, Watch your tongue
with those who are at home. That's why the Hadith of the Prophet peace be upon him. He says the best from amongst you are those who are best to their wives.
If we had to say that today, unfortunately, some of the young people I mean, this is a Hadith of the Prophet Solomon, we surrender to it hands down. But if we had to say it now our friends, imagine you and all your rich businessmen, friends, or a big strong young guys who are married and so on. And you say guys, the best from amongst you are those who are best to your wives. What will the reaction be?
What will they react with? How will they react? If you're reminding these powerful people, that the best form amongst you Is not he who made the most money is not he who is the most popular?
Those who are in business, for example, they spend a lot of time earning money when their children are growing up. They don't spend time with their children. When the wife complains, or vice versa. Husband complains that you know what? We're not spending enough time with our children. The other party says, Well, I'm earning money.
I'm earning money. Is that a valid excuse?
Surely you can cut down on exactly the amount you're earning and spend, it's more with your children. Because for a happy home, you need communication. Let me tell you, as I was coming here, there was quite a lot of traffic. So I decided to go live on Instagram and ask the public from all over the world telling them my topic for discussion this evening is keys to a happy home. What do you guys suggest we should include in this topic? This was about 10 minutes ago.
There were six and a half 1000 people watching.
You know what? A lot of them said, communication, good communication. There were so many things. I'll share some with you today.
So many things communication. Why? Because we have the latest communication devices. But we are not communicating in real life with those who live with the see. I'm talking of real problems. If I asked you how many of you have a smart phone, let's put up our hands. If you have a smartphone, put up your hand smartphone, put up your hand.
Okay, let's put our hands down. The phone is smart, right? That doesn't mean we are smart.
What did we say who has a smartphone. The smartphone is so smart. But we are becoming less and less smart. Because we don't even talk to our family members. We sit on the table, one hand is the spoon or we eating with one hand and the other hand, we have mastered the art of messaging with the left thumb Subhanallah doo doo doo doo doo doo, it just goes and you're communicating with people so far away, your happiness within your home has been snatched by the phones of Allah, I wish I could switch off the Wi Fi during meal times. But then again, there'll be a small kiama in the house. This there'll be a day of reckoning. Everyone will scream and yell and you think what's going on. Allah
describes the day of Dharma in a specific way. And look at these people they were looking at me like as if the world has come to an end. Allah He we are so dependent on this apparatus
that it is scary. You see the phone and the technology is a gift of Allah. But if you don't know how to use it, it becomes a trap of the devil. Nobody can say that. It's only bad. No, it's a gift. But it depends how you use it. Please use it responsibly. Please ask yourself, Am I doing this?
compromising my relationship with my own children. Our children are crying for us. I know of people who are in adulterous relationships on the phone with others, but they won't allow their daughters to marry someone who the daughter wants to marry because the daughter met that person online.
He's a good man. You see, this topic needs to be addressed many homes. I'd like to think a lot of homes are struggling with parents rejecting good proposals simply because that's not the way it's supposed to be done. There's no specific way that it's supposed to be done. The world has changed so much in the last few years, that the way we get to know the opposite sex differs. It's no longer how it was 10 years back 20 years back, if your child comes to you and says, Look, I met someone on Instagram, I don't condone it, meaning I don't promote it. But there's nothing wrong with that. If that person is good, if they are brilliant, you need to get up as a father and say, Who is he? Can I
speak to him? You cannot ask 1001 questions to her. Why did you find him? Well, I've been using Instagram for long I didn't find him. He was blaring every time something came up and it came up. So handler. There are so many answers. But the problem with us is we want to stick to our ways such that even if it's not Islamic, we punish our children. One lucky my brothers and sisters will love him. I am so grateful to Allah that I'm in the masjid in the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala. I want to share with you something I know of 1000s of cases of girls and boys who have married people they don't want to marry, they never wanted to marry but their parents wanted them to marry yet they
were in total and absolute love with someone else. How would you like it? If that happened to you, or your son or your daughter?
We are doing it every day. You know who's doing it. Good people in the name of Allah and Islam. What happiness Do you want in your home, when you have any new in the homes of your children, when they are marrying someone and they really don't want this person. I'm not encouraging and promoting promiscuity. But I'm saying the world has changed. You cannot afford to do these things anymore. The divorce rate is so high because people are marrying those whom they parents have imposed on them yet they're hard. Some of them. I don't want to have a wife who comes to me three years later and says I never ever wanted you. I was in love with another guy. I actually went out with him for four years,
I actually did this and did that. I don't want to hear that. But because they silence the matter. And because they squash it and throw it out and no one wants to talk about it. Neither from the masjid nor elsewhere. So now you have people who come and they don't know what to say to you. You ask them are you forced? They say? No, because my father is right here watching me. So Allah
The worst thing, and sometimes you have young boys or girls, even if they know, you know this person is being forced, they say, Oh, I don't mind this reach home, at least I'm going to get some money. That's how some people are. So they really don't mind sowing the seed of disaster in the home and then saying, Oh Allah grant us a happy home. But Allah gave you the way of doing things and you don't want to do it properly.
Yes. Long back when we used to live in communities and societies where we never interacted with anyone. People never even went to school at the time. People never interacted. Yes, it is true. You could just come up and make one or two suggestions and your child would say unhappy. And that's it and they weren't truly happy. Today, you need to ask them. Are you sure you don't have someone in your mind before you suggest anything to them?
Before you suggest anything to them? Are you sure you don't have someone in your mind? If they tell you yes I do. You have some options.
Find out who the person is find out where they are from find if you find the dean and as luck Let it go. Let it happen. So Pamela, who is the one we love the most Mohammed Salah Salam you know what he said, when a proposal comes to you from someone who's been is acceptable level of religion is acceptable, and the level of character is acceptable. Let it happen. If you don't, there will be chaos on Earth. Today we're witnessing chaos on Earth, every home is struggling. Why? Because we haven't followed the one we claim to love. He told us something, close your eyes and follow Him. Close your eyes and follow him. That's your son, that's your daughter. They belong to Allah before
you and Allah will take them away when he wants not when you want.
So the instruction was we're going to give you a child, we just want to see whether you're going to do what you want to do to the child or whether you're going to do what we have instructed you do to do to the child and a lot of us do what we want to do to the child and we forget about what Allah wanted or his messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam wanted Come on. So there was a time when that used to it but now, your children go to school. They go to school, not one day, every day, the whole year. They see people
they mix with people, they interact, they will go to work. They will work respectfully very
Decent, very, they carry themselves with so much of dignity. But they imagine seeing a guy for example, if a sister is at work, if a sister is at work, and she sees a brother who's a really, really good brother, he reads Salah, he makes sure he's very humble. He doesn't flirt. He makes sure he's you know, he is of the highest of character and Dean, etc. Is it wrong for her to come home and say that I've seen someone and you know what? He is a very good person father says what? You're not working from tomorrow.
But that's what's happening. Is it wrong for her to say that it's not wrong, you want to happy home for yourself and for them? When you need to know this is the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam telling you that please, when someone comes to you, and they are good people, decent people look into it, study, check it, it doesn't mean I know of a case where a lovely guy, a beautiful person, a guy that I can tell you, it's not very easy to get a guy like this nowadays. But the father says know why he's not as rich as us. While my father, you've got a lot of money to spend on him such a great man, such a lovely guy. Come on, come on. It's not wrong. We have a term that we use when a
son in law comes in. And the father in law is very wealthy, and he lives off the father in law, we have a derogatory word that they use. I don't know in your language, if you have it, right. I see someone nodding. But in Islam, Is it wrong? It's not wrong. musala his salon word for his father in law for 10 years. And that to these daughters said, This guy is a good guy. He's honest, he's hard working. The father says, I know that means maybe you want to marry him. Let's suggest it to him. And they got married. So Pamela, they got married, what was wrong? The daughter says musala salam Stein, the daughter says, Yeah, but this girl who in many steps, Jonathan, me, these daughters had
an interaction with Musa alayhis salaam, that interaction was to do with the sheep and so on, you might know the story. And so they said, Oh, our Father, employed him. Give him the job. You know why the best person you could ever employ is the one who strong and he's honest, hardworking and honest. The father says
to Musa alayhis, salam,
I want to I want to get you married to one of my daughters. Wow. So instead of offering him the job, just like that, he says, I want you to get married to one of my daughters straight, he realized that the daughter praising this man automatically would mean that he's a good man, and there is some form of an interest. Let's close it. It's permissible. It's hard. And guess what? He was almost a stranger in that community they gave him?
Could we do that? The answer is a big No, in most cases. Why? Because we claim to love but we worried what is John's gonna say? What is John's gonna say? What is George going to say? What about George Jones and john? The day their daughters and kids want to get married? They won't even think of you to invite you to the wedding, let alone to worry about them. And you're worried about them. So I'm worried about community? What is society? What's my elder brother going to say? what's your little brother going to say? what's my father? What's my family going to say? I won't be able to show face in society. But what about showing face to Allah?
What about showing face to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he's going to ask, Allah will ask, didn't we send the messenger to use Allah? Allah said, I'm telling you how to get your kid married, you said no. So there's no point in talking about happiness and a happy home, when we don't even want to practice the basics of getting the seeds sown in the right direction. If the child that your child wants to marry happens to be a disastrous person, convince them that look this, this and this. And this, these are my concerns. And this is the reason why I wouldn't be so happy for you to do that. My brothers and sisters, there are so many cases where unfortunately, we lack communication
in the home. So our children don't even talk to us about relationships that they they've developed.
I've always told my children and I'm sure a lot of us who didn't more should. We all should tell the children Subhana Allah that look, if there is anything of concern, I should be the first person you talk to.
In fact, our relationships should be such that without even seeing that the child can come to you and say today I met a guy, he's a really good guy, you can automatically from the minute it started. You can manage that. The problem is we're not involved at the beginning.
Five years later, they involve us and they're so scared. I'm so scared to even ask my father. I don't even know what he's going to say. What relationship is that? Are you really a father that your children are scared? Are you scared, frightened? They can't even tell you that there's someone I want to marry. Notice I'm talking about this because it is a subject that the people have raised
They keep on raising. And if you want to know,
from 25,000 emails received, perhaps 18,000 are connected to marriage and divorce.
It shows that the happiness that we're searching for, where is it? We have, we have not considered the fact that the world has changed. Islam hasn't changed, the world has changed. cultural norms become changed before little communities used to live on their own. Now we have cosmopolitan communities living in one city, everyone mixes and interacts and interacts the different races, the different tribes, the different communities, and so on. They will be intermarriage. It's not Haram, the only reason why we are different tribes is for us to recognize each other. But people say no, no, no, we're not equal. Why are we not equal? Because you know, we belong to these people, those
people belong to those people. We're not equal to one another. So how did you say that? Is that what Allah created you for? To say we're not equal? We're not equal.
When we are all equal in the eyes of Allah, don't we repeat that were equal, but not when it comes to marriage?
law, you can't say that.
We've grown up in the same society, we went to the same schools, we've done everything in such a beautiful way. But you know what? No, no, no, no, no. My pride, what pride so hon Allah. So I pray that we can promise that we will try and facilitate, make things easy, don't make things difficult. Don't let your child become a hypocrite, help them, talk to them, address them, don't get angry when something comes up. If I were to tell you some of the real life cases, some of the real life cases that are happening in your midst, in your communities, from those who have confided in us as they're growing up, you would cry, you would weep.
You would weep.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala guide us. mela, open our doors. So communication is absolutely essential. Speak to your spouse, speak to your family spend time with them. I was telling you. Just like a businessman who makes a lot of money and uses the excuse of making money for not spending time with his children has wasted his life. The same way anyone else in any profession, including my own.
If you have drowned without setting times and limits to spend with your family, you have failed.
What's the point of going across the globe saving everyone but you haven't saved your own family members? What was the point?
You haven't tried to save them? You haven't even spent time with them?
What's the point? You earned billions and you died leaving behind the billions. But your children are nowhere near the dean. They're not even interested. They and now that you've you've died, they're busy fighting each other. Normally, the youngest child is prejudiced against you weren't in daddy's business, you're not allowed anything? Have you heard that? It's common, it happens in most cases. Or they say these girls, they were given in the lifetime of the Father, now they no longer are entitled to inheritance.
And you know what we're talking of billions. The more it is, the more miserly they become. When people have a small amount, and they got to give it normally it's done happening. Because why small amounts we get, the bigger the amount, the more greedy we become. So now you want to steal from your brother and your sister because you think you're going to you're going to enjoy more and more and more how, if you want happiness, you have to surrender to what the Almighty has said be fair, be just
treat people fairly. Don't worry, give it away. Allah will give you more if it's theirs, don't cheat them. don't rob them.
How much are you going to amass? How many millions Do you want for yourself? How many
I was telling you about when the son in law is poor.
Why not spend your money, that's your daughter, spend your money. So what set them up, bring them in and tell them look, we'll help you start up a business. I've got this plan and I've got this and that happening and let it happen. There's nothing wrong with that. islamically I gave you the example of Musa alayhis salam.
And I want to tell you another thing, my brothers and my sisters more to do with the brothers but even the sisters, the the mothers need to know this as well. We all have a dream for our children, all of us I have a dream you have dreams. I want to see my son in law being a person who's like this, I want to see my daughter in law should have this qualification and should be like this and like that for my son. I want to see this. We all have dreams. We all have ideas, but the reality on the ground is very different. You will have to adjust that. Because reality is very different today. There is a shortage of good spouses, especially the men. There's a shortage of good men. I can say
that 1000 times and that's why I will
want all of us here who are seated in our 1000s? To ask ourselves? Am I really a good man? Am I really a good man? Would I want my own sister or daughter to marry someone exactly like me?
Tough question. Very tough. Why? Because many of us, we want perfection for our kids, but we are far from it, far from it. So what I am saying is, you will have to adjust your dream, you will have to adjust a little bit you might have a son in law. So what if the two of them are happy? Why are you unhappy for what? Let it be guide them, give them goodness and that's it. That's their lives.
We have to adjust because we are not adjusting. We are living a life of hypocrisy. Another thing if you want happiness in the home, don't be too demanding. Don't be too demanding. Learn to do things yourself. Try not to ask others to do much for you. You will be a happy person in the home will be happy when they have to do everything for you. And some people might do everything for you because they love you. They care for you. But if you want them to love you more, get up and do things yourself. It's the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam help with the food sometimes help with the cleaning sometimes help with chores sometimes visitors coming in make it easy for them
sometimes. You know, we just come out I don't know about the community here. But in some communities, they will come home and rattle a whole list of things. They want to be cooked because my friends are coming.
And your wife says every week they have to come every week. And you say what have you seen the other guy's wife? They are they every three days
you're comparing to compare you destroy and then when you go to the other guys and yeah, they they every three days but I just ordered the food from out.
Now you see Mashallah. Now you see the happiness in their home? why it's there? She doesn't mind. I have a friend. He invites hundreds of people to his home, and the women are ready to do a lot. He says no, I'll call the caterers let them cater. Allah has given us the wealth. Why don't we spend it so Allah? And then when we go to the house, you start saying to your wife, look, see? See what the wife has done? Little do you know, she was just sitting, relax sipping the tea with you. And when it comes to your house, you don't even have the time to sit with them and to say, How are you to ask them, because why you're doing it all on your own and you're busy comparing. So that's another key.
One of the keys is don't compare your situation with the situations of others. Don't compare your situation with the situations of others.
Be happy with what Allah has given you. Allah has bestowed favor upon you. You have your wife, you have your husband, you have your children, be happy with them, be proud of them, look after them. So what Subhan Allah, they may not be exactly like that person in five ways, but they will be better than that person in another 10 things that you don't know about Subhanallah life has become such that we judge people based on external looks. That's it looks Oh, wow, look at how happy this couple is. Why? Because they're showing their team.
Those are dentures my brothers and sisters. We need real life matters. Don't think that they are happy, they probably looking at you and saying, Look how happy you are. And you're looking at them and say Look how happy they are and nobody's happy because one of the keys of happiness is not to do that. And both of you are doing that.
The key to happiness, you want to be happy, thank Allah, Allah gave me Look, I'm trying. I've done wrong things in my life. I've grown up I might not have been the best Muslim, but inshallah now that Allah has given me an understanding, I'm really going to try with Allah. And I know he loves me and I know he's going to give me paradise.
That brings me to another key. One of the keys of happiness is the conviction in your heart of you are going to paradise. Did you hear what I said? One of the keys to happiness in this world and in the next is the conviction in your heart, that you are going to gender that Allah is merciful. The fact that you seek forgiveness from Allah Don't doubt Allah Don't doubt Allah. If you doubt Allah, you lose happiness. Don't doubt Allah. Allah is Allah for Rahim Rahman, Mashallah, he's the most loving Allah doodoo Allahu Akbar. He's the most loving you think he's going to throw you to help. I'm convinced by the will of Allah. He will give me Jenna through His mercy, not through my deeds.
But I will try and I will keep on going. I hope and pray that he won't
send me elsewhere.
Surely that conviction is something that will bring about calmness, happiness, it will eradicate the evil that you that you might have been involved in because when you are evil, automatically, you won't have that conviction.
person who's evil? Do you think that they will be convinced that look, I'm so bad, so terrible, but Allah is going to give me gender, and they haven't yet changed. They haven't even thought it hasn't tickled them.
It better start changing them. When you love Allah, you become a better person. You develop a relationship with Allah, you develop a relationship with the rest of humanity. This afternoon, I delivered a talk that was absolutely important, very important. And in it, I made mention of how, if you recognize Allah as the creator, you will automatically recognize the fact that he created everything around you, and every one is created by the same Allah, Who you are trying to please do you think that earning the pleasure of Allah who created the guy I don't like is going to be by me hurting him or harming him when he was created by the same Allah I am trying to please, you follow
what I'm saying? I want to make Allah happy. Allah created another, so many people and from among them was this guy I didn't get along with. So I'm so ugly to that person, and so bad and abusive to that person. And that person has been created by the same Allah and I want the pleasure of that Allah, not realizing, Oh Allah, that's also your creature. He's also your worship, but he's also a human being. He's also the same species, I'm just going to be kind to him because you love those who are kind.
Allah says, One law who you have seen in Allah loves those who are kind. Why, when you are kind, who are you kind to
two other creatures of the same Allah. That's why he loves you. He loves you, when you're good to the rest of his creatures, he made them. He didn't need to make them he made them because he wants to see what you will do in your own home. When the prophet SAW Selim says the best of you is the best to your wives, that term can actually also include to your spouse's, which means to your husbands as well to your children as well. So on the Day of Judgment, when you arrive, you're going to be asked, or you're going to be judged on several factors. One of them is, how good were you to your family members?
Wow. You mean Allah is going to ask me Allah is going to judge me based on that as well? Well, if the Prophet peace be upon him told you and I, that the best from amongst you is this person, surely, you will be asked about it?
Were you the best? Well, if you were the best to the people, the prophets are seldom said, you need to be good too, in order to be categorized as the best and indeed, you will be asked about it.
So don't make life difficult for others.
My brothers and sisters, one of the keys to a happy home,
is not only to sit together and have a meal together and to communicate together with one another, but to communicate with Allah,
together as well. How many times do you pray together in the home? Many of us forget about pray together in the home. We're never ever seated together in the home.
How many of us would pick up the Quran early morning and read it with a beautiful tone in a way and you invite your kids you don't impose that's one thing that we lack sometimes we impose on our kids such that they develop a hatred, they develop a hatred for the Quran, because we forced them to sit and read.
Do you know that Allah subhanho wa Taala blesses us. When a child is born automatically, the child looks up to the parents today, we have some children here.
These children, their parents would be here, so they wanted to be here. They parents, either mothers or fathers came so they wanted to come in a lot of cases. Allah blesses us such that when you are when you have a child, the child will want to dress like you look like you do like you The more you develop a relationship with the child, the more the child would like to be like you. I know of little boy saying, dad, when is my beard going to grow?
When is my beard going to grow? You say well, when you grow but older, can't I just put a beard so that I look like you? Yes. Who taught the child that nobody no one spoke about it. But that's Allah gift. So if you sit and read the Quran in a beautiful way, you're smiling and when you close the door and your attitude is so sweet and so calm, and you're looking at your children and it's made you softened, the children will want to read the Quran the problem with us we sitting and reading the Quran, we get angry, Hey, stop making noise. I'm reading Quran they say hey, what's your dad is reading Quran. Mommy's reading
And when we finished, I told you not to disturb me. I was reading the reading. The Quran is supposed to soften you, man. It's supposed to calm you down, you're getting angry. You're shouting. Now the child says, Hey, this Koran dangerous every time someone reads it, they get angry before, during and after. Whose fault was it? It's your fault the way you like when we read the Salah, we rush through the Salah, boom, boom, boom, boom, have you seen it happening? Like it's a bouncing ball. It's a head by the way, it's not a ball. It's supposed to go down and stop there for a while. Then it comes up. It doesn't just hit the ground and it's up again. But when the children see you read fast Guess
what? The child is a guess you know, you Dad, you're a bit slow. I can read quicker than you, you know.
That's not what it's all about. You sent the right
signal to them completely. So when you take your time, they will learn. When my father comes up, he is so happy he kisses me and he makes a dua for me. He prays for me, he gives me a hug. And he asked Allah Allah bless my children.
That brings me to another key of a happy home.
Not only to pray together, but to pray for one another, we call it to our supplication, how many of us make dua for one another every day?
You know, we love our kids, right? Sometimes we have a dispute with the spouse which means the mother or the father of the child. So we make to offer our children Allah bless my child making successful let's income first in school that didn't get a good place at university, let him get a decent job. And so those are all dounia to ask, have you made for the Father, father or mother of that child? Question. You might have a dispute with them, say Oh Allah bless them, or open their doors, soften their hearts, we've had the dispute or help us so we can resolve it. Help us so that we can solve this matter and this problem. Remember, when you make a dua not only for the world,
you're allowed to you should, or Allah bless them with a good life. That's a good one, but not at the expense of the hereafter because like I told you, the happy home refers to two things one is in this world and the other is in the hereafter which is more important, the one in the hereafter. So make a do out Allah grant my children didn't know to grant me Jenna to and grant the spouse Jenna to
win it. People don't want to be with that spouse in general. We've spoken about it in the past.
So much so that there was a case where one lady said, you know, I'm not being funny. This man has troubled me so much so much, that if he's also going to be with me in general, I don't want to go there.
How can you talk like that? That is not correct. But unfortunately, there must have been some real trouble there. There must have been some real trouble there. I had to say Sister, don't worry, in general, you have full control over this man completely. You know, totally he will. He will look like what you want him to look like. And as you're looking at him, he will adjust as you are thinking Subhanallah so I can't even let you know Don't worry, it might be the same guy but totally different.
I don't believe you.
Allah subhanho wa Taala gratis is May Allah forgive us. My brothers and sisters. You know what we are struggling. The reason is
we want to please everyone else but we don't want to please the people we are supposed to be pleasing. We want to please everyone else but we are not pleasing the deputy a lot of believes that he will general how many of us pray five times a day. We don't and then we want happiness. We don't pray five times a day. We are so lazy to pray five times a day. And then we are saying I like the keys. I have happiness. Happy home. I'd like to happy home. If there is no fire Salah in your home. You have a lot of work to do before true happiness comes into your home. When you get close to Allah, it brings you a lot of comfort, it brings you coolness. It makes you soft. But when there is
still hypocrisy in your heart, you become harsh.
I know of cases where father or mother or one of the children, they get guidance. Guidance means to a certain extent they start reading Salah they start dressing appropriately, and then they become harsh in the home. They start looking at their mother and swearing looking at their father and saying you're going to hell how you Allah guided you after 20 years and you want guidance in 20 minutes or 20 seconds. Take it easy. Pray for them. Show them you're a good person I know of people who are living in non Muslim homes and they're one Muslim in the home. And I keep telling them live with your family in such a beautiful way.
That they can recognize that your religion is actually a beautiful faith. Don't be harsh and hard in that way you destroy society's communities, your own family will be in pieces. But become guidance is in the hands of Allah subhanho wa Taala. You keep trying, you keep hoping you keep praying, you keep communicating, interacting in the best possible way. These are the keys of happiness. a happy home is where you respect people, no matter what they are doing, you respect them. And you might want to deal with the matters that are arising if they are negative.
So my brothers and sisters, we should realize that Allah subhanho wa Taala, the maker, he is the one who tells us he is the one who instructs us He is the one who opens the doors of mercy. So keep calling out to Allah, talk to Allah communicate with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Another key to a happy home is patience. You need to be very patient, you need to be patient with your children, patient with those around you, you need to understand without patience, you're not going to get anywhere you might suffer for one year or two years, maybe financially, maybe socially, maybe in another way, maybe with a sickness maybe with some form of sacrifice that you have to make. But remember, without
patience, you will never ever have a happy home. You need to be patient, you need to correct people slowly, you when you get married, your spouse is not going to be exactly like you, it's part of the challenge, their habits will be different than nature will be different. But slowly, slowly over the next 10 years, you might be able to come up in a beautiful understanding. If they are doing something Haram, then you might want to see that change a little bit sooner. But the same applies to us. If we're doing something Haram, it's the right and the duty of your spouse to correct you to rectify you to tell you and you need to rectify it as soon as you can. But if it's just the nature,
something perhaps it's not my nature, it's yours. Some people are a little bit loud, some people are a little bit soft. Some people perhaps they might like certain things, some people love to mix with friends and other people are closed. And they don't like to mix with a lot of people, all this type of difference that we may have in nature and enlightened dislike, they're not important matters. They are not things to go to war about.
You don't have to go to war about that. You can discuss overtime, if you really care for each other, then you will be able to adjust similarly when you have children, it is a very big sacrifice. Very big sacrifice. You need to participate you need to be understanding let me give you one example.
You have a child Mashallah May Allah bless us all with children. I mean,
you have a child, the child is two, three years old, a little bit more, a little bit less than the child gets sick, sore throat, coughing, you know, bronchitis, whatever else it might be just infection. And the man comes home and says, What did you feed the child? I knew that this child would get sick. You see you giving it too much of cold stuff. Too much of sweet stuff you did. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. This mother has been looking after the child for so long. For so many years. You are hardly ever their dad and you're not even considerate of what you're trying to say. Now you're laying all the blame on the mother when you should have quit your job and come and looked
after the child. SubhanAllah how inconsiderate is that? Think of what you're saying before you start blaming you're the mother of those children or the father either way, think of what you're saying stop hurting people's feelings. The child is sick and in let's deal with the child. Don't start coming up with your own little theories to lay the blame on someone else. What type of a happy home would you like, but we are not considered when we speak we are quite selfish. We think about ourselves. And we want to lay all blame of negative things on someone else. anything negative you are to blame anything positive.
anything positive is me negative is you children are sick. It's because of you children are happy is because of me. Come on. So halala so even when a child gets sick and Ill you can tell your spouse You know what, you are struggling so much. I'd like you to take a break. You can sleep tonight and we to nurse the child and going to nurse the child for tonight. See now no one is laughing
because they know the men know it's not a joke. So Allah, may Allah grant goodness to our women. May Allah grant goodness to all those who sacrifice in the homes men and women.
And men, law makers true champions will lie. If your spouse can say this person is really really a good person. Already. You're in a happy home. They can be a witness. So when you get married, it's all about serving service. It's all about
sacrifice, if you're not ready to sacrifice, you cannot have a happy home sacrifice What? Things that you like things that you're used to. Sometimes you have to sacrifice so much. sacrifice your sleep, your time, sacrifice your wealth,
your ways, your habits, you might have to sacrifice a lot.
That's when happiness comes. Happiness comes when you sacrifice. So it's not good to do with one side.
It's got to do with both sides.
Subhan Allah May Allah subhanho wa Taala, grant us ease. We spoke about prayer, we spoke about patience, we spoke about development of relationship with Allah, we spoke about facilitating creating ease in the lives of your children, whether it is marriage, or many other things. Sometimes we are quite hypocritical. You know, I want to give you one more example of a problem that is existing on the globe today in a lot of communities and societies where they don't want the daughter to get married. And you wonder, but you're a father, they are proposals coming in, you just say no, no, no. And when you study that a little bit deeper, it's because she's getting a salary and the
salary is going to the Father. So the father is thinking, if she gets married, my money is going to stop. No, she doesn't. She's still a baby. 30 years old, she's a baby. So part of the funny thing is they call a baby come here. She's a doctor, they looking at her at the hospital for promotion upon promotion, and you busy saying that you are trying to fool this child? Oh, look at how selfish we become. You're worried about that money and the salary. I know of a case of a family where the daughter said, Dad, please get me married. I promised you that for my life. All the salary I get will only come to you. The father said, Okay.
It goes to prove that some of these cases and it's not all it might be small. But for us to reach out to one person like that is already valuable in the eyes of Allah. So we have to talk about it is this from Allah, you cannot stop the marriage of your child because you want to eat a salary that they are bringing in how the same happens to some sons. And I want to tell you, some people say,
again, look at how the world has changed. Look at how the world has changed. Those of you sitting here who are over the age of 50 and 60.
The days when you married people didn't really look at how much you were worth. Am I right?
husbands and wives, they got together. They didn't really have much for as long as the guy had a decent job. And for as long as he was responsible. The fathers got them married. And when they got married, they struggled for one year, five years, 10 years, 15 years. 20 years after that they bought the first car, right? And after that they got their first house after 30 years of struggling and sacrifice. But when his daughter got to 18 like she's the Queen of Sheba, the father says how much money does he have? Hey, hey, you forgot about you and where you started and look at how you are treating this man who wants to marry your daughter. He tells you you know what, uncle, I've got
a job. I'm earning money. I've worked hard. This is my reference. This is this. No, no, no, no. When you buy your house in your car, when you come back, we think about it. But uncle I'll have to come back to you after 30 years. Then what?
So we have lost this today. There are good boys really good. Who will treat your daughters like gold, but they might not be that wealthy. You cannot take everything in the box. You have to choose some things and leave some you cannot be so fuzzy that everyone is no No, no, no, no, no, no is not the vicar. Allah is.
May Allah forgive us? Learn to say Allah Subhana Allah, those of God, but we say no more than anything else. So remember, there are certain things that yes, indeed, we need to think for ourselves. Is this really important? If the youngster is really good imagine you come to the masjid. You see a young man every day you're there. And every day the child is there, he greets you. He talks to you. He's respectful, he goes to work. How many young boys today are even interested in coming to the masjid.
May Allah make us from among those who are interested? I mean, Mashallah.
And you see, good, he respects you he,
you know, he will treat you like God. It's up to you to say son, I'd like you to marry my daughter.
Subhana Allah Why? You saw two things in him. His lap was beautiful. And what else did you see? His Dean, he's here for Salah unlike a lot of others. You saw the quality. What's wrong with you suggesting son I'd like you to imagine
We'll make it very easy for you Don't worry.
I know of a case, one case of a person who did this. And the young man says, I don't even have a job, a proper job. Don't worry, I will make it easy for you whatever amounts to get married are needed will come from me and no one needs to know this. What honor what honor, the happiest couple I've known that couple.
And if it was permissible for me to say names, I would have said,
happy why because they followed Allah. They follow the rasulillah salam, his advice, he said, Look, you want to look, this is how you look today. I promise you, many of us, many of us, most of us, that we owe. Money plays a big, big, big role in the deciding and we need to have a massive wedding. You want to happy home, have a simple wedding according to your capacity. Some people's capacity is big. They can invite 1000 people, some people's capacity is small, they can invite 20 people. Don't worry about what people are going to say don't don't have a simple wedding. No problem. Simple, closer to the sooner simple. You will have a happier home.
Many people are concentrating on the wedding rather than on the marriage a big difference. The wedding was the whole of Colombo is talking of it, news even seeped through to candy. Imagine
Five days later, the girl is back home What happened? She was eating too much candy.
mela grant disease. It's not her fault. It's not his fault. It's our fault. We concentrated on the wedding. But we didn't nurture our kids. How many of us have spoiled our children such that when they get married, only Allah knows what's going to happen. Because we were wealthy, they didn't lift a spoon in our language. We say they didn't lift the spoon, not one spoon in the home because we were wealthy. You threw a spoon this way and threw another one the other way. You didn't ever think what if your child gets married in a home where they can't afford that? Then what?
So learn to groom your children in a beautiful way to let them grow up in a way that tomorrow they can be an asset for someone else within the lives of each other, they can benefit each other.
In this way, we will do a favor to the coming generation.
May Allah help us and grant us ease. You see, when we talking about the keys of happiness and the home the topic doesn't end. You know, I've been speaking for one hour and 10 minutes. The little boy, he must have got up about three or four times I didn't even realize but
now I actually realize how long I've been speaking for. It's my fault. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala Forgive me.
And these are our own children and I love them for the sake of Allah. It's a sign for me to say Hang on, if I needed the new three times Uncle, you know what it means you speaking too long.
But May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant our children goodness, may Allah elevate the status of all our children and even us, even when you want children to continue in a beautiful way. You need to give up your bad habits as an adult. You need to mend your ways. And I once again, I repeat the fact
that none of us should become hopeless. Allah's mercy encompasses all of us, all of us, everyone. Allah is merciful his food he's Rahim He will forgive. And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam brought about love, lots of love, lots of beauty, lots of conflict, lots of goodness. And he taught that to us and he gave it to us and he taught us to spread it and to live by it. So every one of us if we have to live with this hope in the mercy of Allah. Yes, we do have a sense of fear of the Wrath of Allah subhanho wa Taala. But the mercy is overpowering because none of us will enter Paradise through our deeds. Rather we will enter Paradise through the mercy of Allah. So ask for the mercy of
Allah. Don't lose hope in the mercy of Allah. No matter who you are, what you've done, how old you are, what you feel inside you today is the day where your life needs to change. It needs to change because you have a short way to go not too long. And if you turn to Allah before you've gone, even if it is by a day, trust me, you have succeeded the biggest success and if you haven't turned to Allah, then for the loss, we have none to blame than ourselves. Our guru Kali hada sallallahu wasallam Baraka and Amina Mohammed Subhan, Allah Subhana, Allah Mohammed, the Ganesha to Allah, Allah, Allah and the miracle come