Happily Ever After

Mufti Menk


Channel: Mufti Menk

File Size: 25.77MB

Episode Notes

Growing Marriage for a Lifetime

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Thus,no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:02--> 00:00:09

We will be learning Amina shine upon you rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem

00:00:12--> 00:00:14

offie Moosa

00:00:16--> 00:00:18

Illa Phaedra NaVi soon

00:00:20--> 00:00:26

moving further will be rockne wakasa

00:00:30--> 00:00:30


00:00:37--> 00:00:42

me wahoo Who am I fooling him? Was he hiding his

00:00:44--> 00:00:48

memory how laughing man

00:00:51--> 00:00:51


00:00:53--> 00:00:59

jail at home Come on me wafi the mood

00:01:03--> 00:01:06

thing for Otto

00:01:07--> 00:01:13

be him for that humo saw to me Oh

00:01:16--> 00:01:17

farmers don't

00:01:26--> 00:01:27

walk out oh man oh

00:01:30--> 00:01:32

Babu in

00:01:33--> 00:01:34


00:01:35--> 00:01:38

city in was

00:01:45--> 00:01:50

in Mu 01

00:01:52--> 00:01:54

funny man

00:01:56--> 00:01:57


00:01:58--> 00:01:59

in holla

00:02:01--> 00:02:03

j Nila Lancome Tara

00:02:05--> 00:02:06


00:02:08--> 00:02:13

Illa law in Neela kume in hoonah v

00:02:15--> 00:02:16

ob in

00:02:17--> 00:02:21

y la Lu la isla

00:02:23--> 00:02:25

in de la ku

00:02:26--> 00:02:27

una de

00:02:31--> 00:02:35

cabeza de Gama de la vena

00:02:36--> 00:02:36


00:02:38--> 00:02:42

Assouline. illa colusa

00:02:46--> 00:02:48

song be

00:02:58--> 00:03:04

Debbie Malou was a key refer in as Zico

00:03:05--> 00:03:10

found meaning warmer color code.

00:03:16--> 00:03:21

Blue Moon, ma UI do mean

00:03:25--> 00:03:26

UI do a

00:03:28--> 00:03:31

demo in

00:03:34--> 00:03:35

poo poo

00:03:37--> 00:03:38


00:03:40--> 00:03:43

in LA LA Vina wala mu

00:03:46--> 00:03:51

n ob high beam is Jean

00:03:54--> 00:04:02

de la Cava homie homie Moulin de, to

00:04:04--> 00:04:12

smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam O Allah de Manila Mallanna Allah hi Russell T h marinova back.

00:04:14--> 00:04:26

All praise is due to Allah subhanho wa Taala blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Can someone please raise the voice brother the volume is wrong. It needs to be raised far higher than what it is.

00:04:30--> 00:04:46

We've commenced by praising Allah subhanho wa Taala sending blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and all his companions. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant him blessings and all his family members as well as all those who have struggled and

00:04:48--> 00:04:59

strove through the years in a way that the dean has come to us. May Allah bless us all and May He grant us goodness, and really May He grant us spouses who will be the coolness of our eyes.

00:05:00--> 00:05:03

May He make us from those who can live happily ever after.

00:05:05--> 00:05:08

I'm sure you're aware that this evenings topic is connected to marriage.

00:05:10--> 00:05:12

And it is entitled happily ever after

00:05:13--> 00:05:16

growing marriage for a lifetime,

00:05:17--> 00:05:45

it is important for us to concentrate on the word growing because we grow. Many people don't know why they marry initially. In fact, the youth of today are bombarded by advertisements and by the media, by the television, the internet and so on. And by the glamour and glitter of the outside world that they don't even know how to choose a spouse. Mostly it is based on what someone looks like. That's a fact.

00:05:46--> 00:05:55

And this is where the disaster occurs, because many times they say, luck vermelha protect us. proof of the pudding is in eating.

00:05:56--> 00:06:07

Alexander's goodness, a pudding can look very great outwardly, but the minute you put it in your mouth, you realize this is not my cup of tea, Allah protect us.

00:06:08--> 00:06:11

Marriage is nothing like that. It is a deep

00:06:13--> 00:06:24

institution. It is a union whereby male and female have come together by the decree of the Almighty using the name of the Almighty

00:06:26--> 00:06:46

in a sacred union, that has rights that need to be fulfilled by both parties. And the reason for marriage. Allah subhanho wa Taala has made it clear in the Quran, amin de Paula Paula comin for Cinco

00:06:48--> 00:06:51

de Lita, schooner skou Isla de

00:06:54--> 00:06:54


00:06:55--> 00:06:56


00:06:59--> 00:07:01

in Viva La

00:07:03--> 00:07:08

comi co, go on.

00:07:10--> 00:07:57

Allah subhanho wa Taala says very clearly that from His signs and this is in Surah, two room is that he has created for you from you for yourself a spouse, that you may achieve comfort and solace in. And you may be happy and content by this relation allow once the multiplication of men on earth. And this is the reason why he has beautified in the eyes of one gender or the other. Because this beautification would result in a union, which will result in the deed of intimacy which would result in reproduction, which would result in the increase of mankind which would result in more who worship Allah subhanho wa Taala. And at the same time, the plan of Allah for us all would be

00:07:57--> 00:08:00

executed. This is why we get married Subhana Allah,

00:08:01--> 00:08:45

for the plan of Allah to be executed, we get married as a result and the gift Allah has made for us beautification in the opposite sex. And this is a gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala so that people begin to work towards it, if it was not beautified for us, nobody would work towards it. And this is why it is unnatural, and it is abnormal to be attracted to the same sex according to Islam. The reason why I say according to Islam is the world out there begins to say it is normal and natural and it is your human rights to engage in gay behavior but not in polygamous behavior, Allahu Akbar. Look at how the mind has been blocked and knocked. And when I say blocked and knocked What I mean

00:08:45--> 00:09:03

is, if gay behavior was allowed by the same well educated people of the globe, and the so called free world, what is wrong with polygamous behavior? Allahu Akbar, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant this understanding and Don't look at me like you don't know what I'm saying.

00:09:05--> 00:09:49

Really, so those countries that do allow behavior that is homosexual the question I have for them is well, what is wrong with polygamous behavior or a polygamous relation? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding sadly, you have women folk who have had bad experiences with their spouses and even some who perhaps are very hooked on to television and so on, who will probably say no, it is okay to have you know, homosexual behavior, but it is not okay to engage in polygamy, my brothers and sisters, it is not my rule. It is not your rule. It is the rule of Allah subhanho wa Taala. If it is going to be done correctly, and if it is going to be done properly, then nobody would really

00:09:49--> 00:09:59

have any objection. The difficulty is today we choose the wrong way of engaging in polygamous relation and this is why people are upset, which hurts people it destroys

00:10:00--> 00:10:42

homes because how we do it is actually wrong. And after we've done it sometimes the way we carry ourselves is even more wrong. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us a lesson. So the introduction I chose for this evening is to make mention of why we marry. And I said it is in order to fulfill the plan of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And as a gift Allah subhanho wa Taala has beautified the opposite sex. And this is something that we would work towards you ask a young boy a very young age for your information, the age is becoming younger and younger because of the environment because of genetically modified food because of whatever else you'd like to say. But at a younger age, they

00:10:42--> 00:11:21

know more about marriage than sometimes those who are already married. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Just like with the gadgets of today, you find the little boy five years old will know more than his father about the iPhone, its effect. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us understanding recently I was in South Africa speaking to a group of people and I told him from the age of eight and 10, you need to start speaking to your boys and girls about marriage. And a lot of them agreed with me, I think because they know that from that age, they already have their girlfriends and boyfriends and they are already setting their minds and eyes on people. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us and

00:11:21--> 00:12:00

grant us goodness, and may He opened our doors. Remember, as parents, it is a duty to communicate with your own children. Don't be shy, if you are not going to tell them what marriage is all about what intimacy is all about, they will learn it from someone who will teach them the wrong thing. Perhaps they will learn it from a colleague at school, or perhaps a teacher who is homosexual himself or herself. May Allah subhanahu wa taala safeguard us, it's a fact it is happening on the globe, and we are suffering as a result. So I call on parents to communicate with their children openly and to discuss with respect that which needs to be discussed, you are responsible, you are

00:12:00--> 00:12:42

the one who will build the mind of your child as to how to look for a spouse but if you never ever spoken to your child about looking for a spouse, what type of a spouse Do you expect them to look for? May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us goodness, by rights we should be living in a world where we help them looking for the spouse, but me and I meaning yourself and myself we know very clearly that today that does not happen. In a lot of cases and instances. It does not happen they come to you and impose on you their choice and that's it. So it is best for you to help them make their choice by speaking about it while they are still quite young. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant is

00:12:42--> 00:12:57

a good bond with our own children. And may He make us from those who are not affected by the adverse environment or who can protect ourselves from it in order to be achieving the happiness of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So, my brothers and sisters,

00:12:58--> 00:13:01

we asked the almighty to open our doors.

00:13:02--> 00:13:39

In our myths, there are people who are married, there are those who are not married. There is no third probability from amongst those who are married. There are some who may have more than one spouse, we will talk about that as well by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And from amongst us who are married there are some who do not have offspring. May Allah grant you offspring. There are some who have offspring, we've already touched on how important communication is with your offspring. But from amongst us there are those who are not married yet. Or those who have been married and lost their spouses either due to divorce or death. May Allah subhanahu wa taala open

00:13:39--> 00:13:48

your doors once again. And for those whose doors have not been open yet May Allah subhanahu wa taala open those doors of yours and grant us spouses who will be the coolness of your eyes.

00:13:51--> 00:14:30

It is important for us to know that the choice of person whom we marry is extremely important. This is why Allah says in the verse that I read moments ago, Allah says indeed in that there is a sign or there are Signs for those who ponder, you need to ponder you need to think what is marriage all about? One law he if you look at the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he says people marry for several reasons. People marry one narration says for four reasons someone marries because of the wealth of a woman. You know, it is ironic, I've learned about the culture in this part of the world. It's quite different from the culture elsewhere as well. The culture is

00:14:30--> 00:15:00

different. I believe here, a female does a lot in terms of financial contribution compared to other parts of the world. My brothers and sisters, sometimes there are some men who become wealthy because of marrying a wealthy woman. And after that, they make their wealth through the woman and then they want to harm the same woman whom they made their wealth through and they became rich via Allahu Akbar. May Allah subhanho wa Taala safeguard us that is unfair. That is very unfair. We need

00:15:00--> 00:15:09

To know, a woman may be married for her wealth, but that wealth may deplete. So, it is something that is very short lived.

00:15:11--> 00:15:54

A woman may be married for her looks, but that looks those looks of hers will somehow somehow live like to work this very carefully with somehow change and you find the trends of the world also changing as to what is good. So panela good looks, there was a time when people who had a gap between their front teeth being considered as gorgeous. So, everyone used to go and get a gap in their you know, between the front teeth and then they came a time when no you need straight properties. So, now everyone wants property, then there is a time when you know people have a nose ring, they look good. So, everyone has nose ring. Now there is a time when person was nosing no one

00:15:54--> 00:16:19

wants to look at them. So panela. So, what is considered beautiful and good today may not be considered beautiful and good tomorrow in terms of beauty and even if it is the person whom you married for the beauty that you perceived within the physical features of that particular person, those features may disappear either in stages or instantly. So that is also shortlived. That is the second point, the third one

00:16:21--> 00:16:59

a female may be married because of her lineage or his status, very high status very lofty lineage very top family Do you know that can be lost within a split second, the status can drop because of one deed, something that they have done comes crashing, something that a member of the family has done comes crashing. So that is also short lived, it is something that can go but if a person is married for their Dean and their Dean here referring to religion, as well as character and conduct both of them together, make up what is known as Dean, Dean is not just your spiritual department without character, because the spirituality cannot be developed truly without character and conduct.

00:16:59--> 00:17:42

So the two come hand in hand. So if you would like to know how religious a person really is, you need to study their character and behavior is very important. Sometimes you have a man who is very, very pious in terms of Salah in terms of big beard in terms of his studies, what he has studied, and you find he may be fulfilling his prayers in the masjid. But he is he has a very bad mouth, he lies he swears he deceives he speaks very rough to people stay away from that man. He's not pious, it is just an outward show that is being shown to people may Allah protect us. This is why the Hadith says Elijah C'mon carbona Dena who Luca who for the widow, in lots of Allah, huzzah confit, not only are

00:17:42--> 00:18:13

we gonna do it, if a person comes to you, and two things are good in that person, allow them to marry your daughter, if you don't allow him to marry your daughter, yet they have these two things in them. In that particular case, there will be great chaos and corruption on the earth. This is what the Hadith says. So today people a man comes to marry the daughter of a brother, where is your salary slip for the last four months? And I want to see your bank balance. And let me see the type of phone you are using. The same you are smelling is from India, I need something from France low.

00:18:14--> 00:18:18

But brother, are you going to marry the man or your daughter? That's a Christian.

00:18:20--> 00:18:55

And some of the sins from India are far better than the sense from France. Because in France, all they do is they buy it from India. They give it a good name. They put it in a better bottle and they resell it to the same Indians Allahu Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala gratis goodness. And may He open our doors. It's a matter of intellect. My brothers and sisters so if those are the first questions, we are asking the man we are losing. You look at his character does he read Salah? Does he fulfill Salah? What type of behavior? How does he speak to me? How does he come across? Is he a person who is full of arrogance, or he might be a bit shy? Remember, sometimes people might say this man

00:18:55--> 00:19:32

doesn't know how to talk properly. What does that mean? Is it that he is arrogant? Is it that he is showing you negative qualities through his speech? Or is it that he is shy and he is not speaking much? That is there is a difference between the two? Sometimes you have a young man who is not used to speaking to women. And he's not used to being interrogated because of marriage. So when you ask him a question or two, he might not be able to be so eloquent. And he might not be able to impress you with his speech, because perhaps he's not used to it. For as long as he was not arrogant and he was not a bad man. And you can find out from others around in the locality those who may mixes with

00:19:32--> 00:19:59

brother which must do you go to go and speak to the moment that must be Do you see this man in the masjid Subhana Allah, if that is the criteria, then we can live happily ever after. But if your criteria was the same, and the salary tomorrow he can become jobless because of retrenching and then he will also be whitelisted after becoming wireless May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness. Allah he's difficult we are in an age where everything is less. You know someone has sent me a beautiful SMS

00:20:00--> 00:20:36

It's a pity I don't have it with me right now about how we have become you know smokeless in terms of you know, the the the lighters and what have you, and we have become wireless and we have become useless and homeless and everything is actually becoming less and less and less, and even people are becoming clueless. May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, really we are living in an age where if you are attracted to someone because of her legs, remember if that is why you married her, and if she still has the exposition of those legs, two things may happen. One is there will come a time when a gash or a mark may develop on those legs. So now you go for better legs, I'll stop Viola

00:20:37--> 00:21:04

stavola or they may be someone who likes the same legs who has credentials better than yours. So he steals from you that can happen. Allah protect us. So remember, if you have gone for the deen, as I said, the Hadith says two qualities when they get to you and the man has asked you for your daughter do not refuse unnecessarily. Now I had a problem with this man's grandfather. You know, one day he came to my shop and he did not pay me on time. So I'm not giving you

00:21:06--> 00:21:26

what foolish behavior is that this is the opportunity to resolve the matter. Love as bad as it is you will be paying a man or you will be paying a price. May Allah subhanahu Allah grant us goodness, may he make us from those whom when the dowry is to be paid, we have a simple straightforward amount, and we do not make it difficult for our boys and girls.

00:21:27--> 00:22:03

Brothers and sisters, I'd like to make mention of the statement of the age. What is it? bear it in mind, remember it, memorize it, understand it and put it into practice. The more difficult we make marriage, the easier we have made adultery. Remember that? We are guilty of making adultery easy and facilitating it for our boys and girls. If we make their marriage difficult, do not think that they should just remain doomed until the end of life. Just because you are stubborn as a father or mother. May Allah subhanahu wa taala protect us really.

00:22:04--> 00:22:50

May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness. So much so that we would like our children to marry certain types of people because that is our dream. We want a good man who will look after our daughter or a good wife who will look after our son. Remember, it may be our dream but my brothers and sisters do not forget. You have to adjust your dreams that you have for your children as time passes because the deeds of those children will read with that particular dream or it will actually go back and rewrite that particular dream. Sometimes you want your child to be a half will memorize the Quran to study the deen but the child is not inclined in that direction. You need to adjust your

00:22:50--> 00:23:11

dream. Sometimes you want a beautiful life for your daughter but she might come back divorced. You need to adjust your dream sometimes you might want something beautiful for your child but he does not want that particular girl he wants to marry someone who is ready to revert love Akbar. Listen to this. My brothers and sisters I will open it Bay in front of you we have a crisis. What is the crisis?

00:23:12--> 00:23:52

Yes, we look for someone who is Muslim. We look for someone who is good. We look for someone Mashallah who has, you know, some form of deeming them, but believe me today we have a problem. I was faced with a young man who came to me and he told me his whole story. So I met his father. And his father told me and these people are in a first world country. And his father told me Look, I will never ever accept what my son once impossible. I said, But why? He said, you know, she is a Christian. I said she is prepared to revert not for the marriage, but for purposes of the deen itself. And sometimes we have seen people who revert for purposes of marriage, but Allah gives them

00:23:52--> 00:24:08

so much he died, that they become better than born Muslims. I have seen it with my own eyes with my own eyes. So I told him brother, can I really speak to your heart? Will you open your heart to listen to what I have to say today? He says no, I respect you a lot.

00:24:10--> 00:24:11

When he said that,

00:24:12--> 00:24:53

I seize the opportunity. I told him if you respect me a lot, would you mind if I helped you make the decision? He was quiet. Because obviously he doesn't know what I'm about to say. But it's difficult because he is stubborn on one end. I told him brother, he agreed after a while he said okay, inshallah, whatever you say we will get it done. I said, Brother, I have traveled a lot of countries. I have seen many people. And I have seen men who have married men and women who have married women. And I have seen people who claim to be following Islam, who also have engaged in that type of so called nikka. And I've seen so called imams who have engaged in fulfilling or

00:24:53--> 00:24:59

officiating, so called nacoss of so called people of same sex. May Allah protect us. I said, Brother

00:25:01--> 00:25:44

Frank Allah that He wants to marry a woman, not a man. He looked at me and said, What do you mean? I showed him three people in his own city? I said, Do you know these people are lost because they have gone out, abandon their families in order to get married to a person of the same sex. He was shocked. He said, No, you have opened my eyes. I said, we do not promote that we leave our Muslim girls and go out further. No. But if it does happen, that a man wants to marry a woman, thank Allah, we are living in a hostile environment, what lovely people are engaged in homosexuality, to the degree that Islam would be disgraced as a result, you know, people sometimes in the first world

00:25:44--> 00:26:05

country, they do not allow you to speak openly about gays and lesbians in a negative way. They don't allow you In fact, you may be even blacklisted if you do that. So we have to be very careful how we word it, because as Muslims, we do not allow it upon ourselves that let's get that clear. We chose to be Muslims, if someone is living, for example, in Britain,

00:26:06--> 00:26:46

they have a choice to be Muslim or not to be Muslim, according to the British law, and they have a choice to choose, they have a choice what they want. So if they have chosen to be Muslim, what does it mean? It means through the freedom of the British law, they have imposed on themselves a set of rules and regulations within the rules and regulations of the British law, which now makes them known as a Muslim, which means they have chosen not to engage in gay activity, and not to allow it for themselves. So that is, through your freedom, you did not allow upon yourself to drink alcohol. So the same way through your freedom you did not allow upon yourself to engage in this type of

00:26:46--> 00:26:47


00:26:48--> 00:26:56

So one day, I had a man who came to me and he said, No, no, no, that's still a statement, which is unfair. I said, Okay, let me explain to you. You're a British man. He said, Yes.

00:26:57--> 00:27:00

If a man wants to be British and a citizen of Britain,

00:27:02--> 00:27:11

would it be correct for him to say I disagree with the laws of Britain, but I want to remain a citizen. I disagree with the citizenship laws, but I am going to be a citizen.

00:27:12--> 00:27:50

It is not correct. He said no, he will be stripped of his citizenship or he will not be granted it in the first place. I said, Well, if a man wants to, through his freedom, say he's a Muslim, then he cannot say I'm a Muslim, but I disagree with Islamic rules. That means you are free to say I am not a Muslim, I am someone else. Allahu Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala opened our doors. So the point I'm raising my brothers and sisters is sometimes you will have to adjust your dream regarding the type of person that you want your child to marry, it is their choice, you can guide them, you will try with them. But believe me, you have to somehow give in at some stage, if it is a person whom you

00:27:50--> 00:28:28

may not have considered ideal. Because sometimes the other option is something which is even worse than what you are disagreeing with. May Allah subhanahu wa taala opened our doors I know of many parents who refuse their daughters to get married to people they want to marry foolishly. Allow your daughter to make the mistakes and to come back divorced being your daughter, so happy with you. And you will be able to guide her with love my daughter Didn't I tell you anyway, now you make the mistake you have come home, we still love you, we embrace you. And we still recognize you as our daughter. But it would have been better if you did not make the mistake. She will say Dad, I love

00:28:28--> 00:29:05

you forever for standing by me and for looking after me. Instead of saying never ever and she becomes a person who is an eyesore for you, she becomes depressed because today, people become depressed when they cannot marry whom they want to marry. And it's our fault. We sent them to the schools, we sent them to the various mixed type of education. We did this we did that we had a place in the mall where we were every week we did not dress them appropriately when they were young. So as they grew up, they did not want the appropriate dress. We are the ones who placed them in front of the televisions and we subscribed to the dirtiest of the internet channels or satellite channels and

00:29:05--> 00:29:10

so on. And then we expect our daughters to still have a good Islamic choice of a spouse.

00:29:11--> 00:29:50

Who is the hypocrite father of the home. Big hypocrite, may Allah protect us. Why were you What did you allow your daughter to do all along? And now you want to come in and say no, I allowed you to become a mango for example. But But now for example, I want you to be a banana stopzilla Allahu Akbar. I'm giving you an example of fruit because just before I entered here, we had a bit of fruit May Allah grant us goodness, the fruit of Sri Lanka, Mashallah. So my brothers and sisters is not fair. Do you know that when a child is born Allah gives you almost 100% control over the child. You dress the child you name the child, you decide when to birth the child what the child will eat, all

00:29:50--> 00:29:59

control. Don't say I don't have control over my child. Allah said I gave you full control when the child was born. That's the time you did not dress the child properly. You never is your own.

00:30:00--> 00:30:25

Allah if there was no Quran ever played, there was nothing and slowly, slowly as the child grows up one by one, Allah takes away the control of elements from you regarding that particular child. So when the child is a little baby you can give the child a rattle, rattle with one rupee and it will shake the rattle and smile and laugh with you let the child become five years old, give them the rattle, they will throw it back at your face death. Are you playing a fool of me? I need an iPhone.

00:30:27--> 00:30:38

So at a certain stage you have control over the child. What did you do when you had control over your child? Did you guide the child This is why I say speak to the child earlier because today we are losing control earlier.

00:30:40--> 00:30:52

You can dress your child how you want when the child is two years, three years even if the clothing is torn, let the child get to eight years nine years Dad I'm not wearing these shoes Why? You make me look like one of those people living in the 1960s

00:30:53--> 00:31:38

that I need the latest you know there's like a we walk it bounces You know, my Allah Subhana Allah Allah protect us, grant us goodness and ease. My brothers and sisters don't blame Allah subhanahu wa taala for our failure. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us success. So this is why I say sometimes we need to adjust. The reason is how can we allow or how can we facilitate for our children to live happily ever after, when we did not let them marry the person they wanted, we made them marry someone they did not want. Now, obviously, I'm talking of something which is not the ideal, ideally, ideally, islamically, we need to speak about what should be happening. The parents of the girls and

00:31:38--> 00:32:03

the brothers or the relatives should keep an eye when they see potential husbands for their daughters or their sisters and so on. They should approach the gentleman or his family or they should speak to their daughter about it we have so and so we are trying to you identify you speak to them, you let the to meet within the limits of the Sharia. And if they would like to take it further, you take it further. It's your responsibility as a male.

00:32:04--> 00:32:39

That is ideal. And if the daughter says no, I'm not too happy, don't be angry, no pressure. My sister you have the right it is haram in Islam to force your daughter to marry whom you want when she does not want totally forbidden. It is a major sin. In fact, you cannot do that it is her choice. She can say no, at the time of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam also, they were those who said no I don't want to marry this man and they do we're not forced to it. May Allah subhanahu Allah grant us goodness, the only time we can force someone is reveal if revelation has been revealed to say these two must be married, then we have no choice. But revelation will not be revealed in the

00:32:39--> 00:33:20

case of us. May Allah Subhana Allah Allah grant us goodness. So in that particular case, maybe she doesn't want to marry the first, the second the third, you have introduced her to five or 10 with respect and when I say with respect, you can find out from the scholars exactly how that should happen. What type of arrangement you don't just say okay, pick up my daughter at nine o'clock and bring her back at 12 o'clock. That's not how you meet in Islam. It must be within your presence in the sense that you are close at hand. The reason is shavon comes to the boys or the girls sometimes and makes them abuse one another in a way that will lie they are left like use the toilet paper

00:33:20--> 00:34:00

without any form of respect. And then they say no, I don't want to marry you. May Allah grant us goodness May Allah grant us really the opening and may open our doors. So someone says but why can't I get to know him more you can, you can get to know much more you can meet five times you can meet more than five times but the rules of meeting are still the same. You will meet with your chaperone with your Muharram you will meet with them close at hand come to your house or we got come to yours one of the two. Either I come to yours you come to mind and we meet with total transparency in the or within reach of your Muharram who is right there may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant does good so

00:34:00--> 00:34:38

no one can fool you. And you talk you understand how you are communicating and you may say no you know this is not really my cup of tea and we respect you can turn that down. Turn the next one down the third one down no problem until the 35th one comes you might want to say yes luck but I'm just giving you a scenario that can happen. It has happened sometimes one or two people agreed. Sometimes they don't agree Don't worry. But remember when you have turned one down, you may not get another one. Remember that and when you have turned one down, you may not get another one as good as the one you have turned down so you need to be very careful and this is why we say guide your child my

00:34:38--> 00:35:00

daughter How do you feel? How is this man What is wrong with him? Let's speak about it. Oh I don't feel right. Okay, no problem. Let's see. And if they still feel we don't want this is the ideal. Sadly today daughter's gone to university she comes back then. You are lucky if she tells you luck. You're lucky if she tells you very lucky fortunate at least you're not hitting up the wrong tree because people are busy looking for someone

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

They don't know that already there is another monkey on the tree.

00:35:05--> 00:35:43

It happens a lot of cases and this is why I salute and respect those children who can openly say you know what, that I have done something wrong. And this is what it is and that you don't just lift up your your fist and start twisting your children No, understand that you are also responsible, do not get angry. You need to deal with something that has come into your home. This is when they will be able to live happily ever after. You know, whilst I'm talking I see a few elderly people here will lie My due respect to you. We are now speaking of the age of today, we are not speaking of how it used to happen in your time, we are speaking of how it is happening today. It is a reality on the

00:35:43--> 00:36:16

ground. So please excuse sometimes people might feel this man was to open you know, he's encouraging our sons and daughters to do this and that one lie they are already doing it. So stop blaming me. We know and this is why if you see me inshallah we when we grow of age, we will give the platform to younger people so we can learn from them how to tackle our own children. Believe me, it's a crisis. I'm not joking. What is the point of brushing your problem under the carpet completely? Until one day when that carpet is rolled? You notice that all the dirt is underneath? May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. May He grant us happy homes.

00:36:17--> 00:37:00

So my brothers and sisters, I always like to encourage people to listen to their children. Look at the view, what do they have? Who do they want to marry? Sometimes we have our sons, our daughters, most of the daughters, they have arrived at a late age for example, you know, 3035 they are stigmatized in society because they are 3035 and sometimes the father just does not budge. And he says look, you sought out your life. Why? And sometimes the other women of society, stigmatize them to the degree that they are not invited to functions outside why now you are well past your cell by date. Lahu Akbar Allahu Akbar, I don't think you really understood what I said they may Allah

00:37:00--> 00:37:41

subhanahu wa Jalla. Grant us goodness, nobody is well past the sell by date my brothers and sisters. Remember, it's your duty, your responsibility, you could be 30 4050 no harm, you need to still actively look for your child, for a spouse. And even if you as a male or a female, have come across someone who you may feel is a potential spouse, open your mouth. without opening your mouth, you are guilty, believe me, don't just sit and think that suddenly in your bedroom, he's going to really pop out of the ceiling Allahu Akbar, it's not going to happen. You need to open your mouth speak say something, talk to your family, talk to someone get a message across to his sisters or someone and

00:37:41--> 00:37:50

it is best to work with your family because your family will be able to guide you along they will need to support you and if you have a difficulty speak to the older man.

00:37:52--> 00:38:32

And I really plead with those who are slightly older when you have your children listen to them understand that this is a new generation. They are thinking will not be like yours and with their children. It is an even newer generation. Their thinking will be even more different. One wonders, sometimes I sit and I'm worried how are my children going to get married or years later on those who are younger, what will happen to them we are worried well law II because society is changing rapidly. What was the case 10 years ago is no longer the case today. Well ah he life is changed. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness. So we said two qualities when they come to you do not

00:38:32--> 00:39:12

deny Dena who colocado the religion of a man and his character and conduct which makes part of his spirituality. If those two qualities are found in the man his Deen is okay. And his character and conduct is okay. He has come and asked for your daughter. Your daughter is keen and interested. Don't say no for nothing. If you say no, the Hadith says there is going to be great chaos on Earth. What happens? Suddenly the gin gets into your daughter's head or sometimes the boy sometimes he might find someone else but the daughter suffers more. She suffers much more. Because something that was close at reach. You know dad has blocked it Mom has blocked it. It's something and she would

00:39:12--> 00:39:54

suffer a lot. And there is no shortage of women there is a shortage of good men believe that there is a shortage of good men and I plead with all the youth who are here become good men. We don't want men we want good men responsible those who know marriage is about really getting together with someone who is suitable to be the mother of your children so that you can continue the plan of Allah subhanho wa Taala what is the point of having children in number who are worshipping a pan rather have children who are worshipping a man may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness. So this is why the youth remember your bad habits like smoking drugging, clubbing, pornography, wasting time on

00:39:54--> 00:40:00

the telephone. And you know, I sit here in Sri Lanka because of the time difference sometimes it's different.

00:40:00--> 00:40:10

To fall off to sleep, because time difference of various countries and where I come from and so on sitting and you see Mashallah the world in Colombo is online at three in the morning.

00:40:11--> 00:40:19

three in the morning, someone messages you back Allahu Akbar. But here in Colombo, it's three o'clock brother. You are not from Africa, you are supposed to be asleep.

00:40:20--> 00:40:23

I'm just covering my back as to why I was awake, love.

00:40:26--> 00:41:05

My brothers and sisters, what a beautiful relation we have. Look, we are muslimeen we are talking about our Deen, we are talking of crises that are facing society today. The youth leave your bad habits you need really to be a good man. So that you are able really to realize the champions of the Omaha of tomorrow. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant that to us. And the same applies to the sisters. Sometimes we get caught up and hooked on to you know Facebook and Twitter and this man and that man and using it wrongly. You see it's like a knife. You can either use it in the correct way. Or you can use it in the wrong way more so people are using it in wrong.

00:41:06--> 00:41:29

This is why if someone were to ask me, I would tell you I strongly discourage Facebook and Twitter and the social network strongly discouraged. You might say well, why are you found there? Well go and see how we use it. If you are using it in the same way, then perhaps you might want to revise that ruling. May Allah grant us goodness. But if you are using it to socialize Hello, and how are you I know of a case and I'm going to say bed

00:41:30--> 00:42:09

where there was a man who put a false image of someone else on his profile and he lured a young girl who was in her teen age to the degree that he flew across the ocean to meet her in a certain country. And yet he was 65 years old, a man with a totally false identity. May Allah subhanahu wa taala protect our sisters, our daughters and our sons as well. And this is why we say Xena de noon. You know Xena is actually a credit you have. You have borrowed something it is going to be recompensed within your family members, you need to remember this. And this is something that has been said by the scholars have a four time

00:42:10--> 00:42:51

engaging Toba, you can stop that. That's the beauty. They say if you fiddled with someone's daughter, someone is fiddling with your daughter law, you better engage in Toba so that Nobody messes around with your children, Allahu Akbar. Remember this? Don't think that when you do something, it does not have a reaction come as a dino to Daniel, as you do to others. So it shall be done to you. Unless you engage in Toba and you ask Allah forgiveness and you mend your ways in your habits. So remember this today we are facing a crisis in society because the man who is angry at what his daughter is trying to do is already himself involved with three other women illicitly it's

00:42:51--> 00:42:52

happening in society.

00:42:54--> 00:43:03

And then we want to live happily ever after it cannot work that way. May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us grandma's goodness and open our doors. So, as we were saying

00:43:04--> 00:43:44

the religion is important and the follow up is important character and conduct then what will happen inshallah, we will support our children We will live happily with them, we inshallah begin now Now I will, I will mention a few pointers of how it is that the marriage itself should be handled so that we can achieve the mercy of Allah I tell you why. Marriage is not just a joke. It's not just a social sort of a thing that happened. No, it is a sacred union. And Allah has said, Hello, happy messaggi decom keep it in your messages, it is best for you to have it in the masjid the house of Allah because you are going to mention the name of Allah.

00:43:45--> 00:44:27

There are several verses that will be read and you will see those verses in a few moments I will inshallah go through them. And it is important for us to know that the house of Allah is that which has the greatest blessing in it. So your Nika Firstly, don't delay it. Do not delay nikka. Unnecessarily once the car is ready, the two parties are happy, get that knickers done. So that any relation that happens between them thereafter happens in a way that is permissible. Remember that? Sometimes people say no, my daughter is engaged brother Three years later, your daughter she's engaged. Three years have passed. She had two abortions in the process. Do you know that? I'm not

00:44:27--> 00:44:29

joking. I'm serious.

00:44:31--> 00:44:59

My parents, you don't know what we know. They come to us for help when they cannot talk to you. I know. We cry when we see the children of the good people. Sometimes people we know and they come to us you know what, I have this problem and that problem, but sister You are engaged to the man How could this happen? You know my father told me you cannot marry now you are still studying my my Allahu Akbar. Allah forgive us really. Brothers and sisters. Open your eyes.

00:45:00--> 00:45:39

See what is going on. Ask the people what is happening. If you think we are not living in an era of hyper sexuality, you are dreaming, you are dreaming, you are living in a dream world. We are living in the dirtiest society up to this age, there has never ever been a more hyper sexual society than ours. Believe me, everything out there is about sex. And I am saying this because I have to fulfill my duty as a scholar of Islam, to explain to the people what is going on out there and how we are heading in the wrong direction. Because we are living with blinkers. We don't even know what's happening.

00:45:40--> 00:46:20

Ask your children in the universities what's going on. If you have a good link with them, they will inform you ask them, tell them what is happening or ask what is happening in the malls or in the shopping centers or at the workplace, you know, you can be the best and be the most pious, yes, if Allah has granted you protection, you will always be protected. Alexander's goodness, there are people amongst us and I'd like to hope that the bulk of our seated here pure good people by the word of Allah, you know how difficult it is to remain on that path. You know how easy it is to sin, today, it is easier to sin than it is to abstain from it, Allahu Akbar, it is easier to abandon your

00:46:20--> 00:46:40

a job than it is to donate, it is easier to leave your Salah than it is to fulfill it. That is because the environment has made it so difficult to engage in that which is correct. But my brothers and sisters, this is why I say do not delay nikka. It's not just my statement, it is a teaching that has come to us from the best of creation.

00:46:41--> 00:46:42

Don't delay it.

00:46:43--> 00:46:44

And at the same time,

00:46:46--> 00:47:21

do not make it difficult in any way. We already spoke about the Maha the dowry or whatever else it is. Either way, don't be too demanding, and do not become a person who really makes it tough on their sons and daughters to get married. Because in that particular case, we will be held accountable in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Why is it that you as a parent did this to your own daughter, you do her you punished him, and this is what you did to your son, you made him you really made him leave the dean in totality, it brings me to one example, living example where there was a young boy whose father was being so tough with him that

00:47:22--> 00:47:58

listen to this, he wanted to marry someone who was ready to revert. So his father told him no, not over my dead body, what am I going to tell my friends and society my brothers and my sisters, my this my that brother is is from Allah, your status is from Allah, if you had embraced this, it was going to be much better. So you can explain to your friends in your family, look, you know, I tried my best, but today's society, you know, sometimes the children are doing their own thing. And we have to try our best to do a carnival to make the most of what it is and to guide them as best as possible. And you know, we will see how best they can manage. But instead of that this father chose

00:47:58--> 00:48:01

to say over my dead body. So what did the son do?

00:48:02--> 00:48:40

He asked for help from some of the scholars and so on. And sometimes there is a limited amount of help you could actually offer because if a man is being stubborn, you cannot really win. So after some time, he converted and left the fold of Islam and gone. Why? Because to him, the child was lost. And the father is still proud of his action. I don't mind if he became a non Muslim, but at least it Nothing happened against my will. And he told his family members, you know, if you your children, if they want to do the same thing, you should also engage in this type of thing, how the man the woman was ready. So I had an opportunity to address this young boy.

00:48:41--> 00:49:04

And when I spoke to him, he told me something that is really a question of the age when I say question of the age. I mean, sometimes the mind starts asking these questions. He said, You know, this woman is such a good woman that I married. She has so many good characters and conduct. She told me I'm ready to do anything. You know, I explained to her about the little I know about Islam, and she was ready. And then what happened is

00:49:06--> 00:49:47

when my father and my parents said no, and everybody disagreed, and they you know, the mother, he says my mother didn't really mind, but she has to follow what my father says. So, after some time, I they questioned me, her parents to say, look, we were all okay for our daughter to you know, to enter the fold of Islam. Now, if he she is not going to enter the fold of Islam, then why don't you enter our face? So he said, yeah, it makes sense. You see, he said, it makes sense. If we, if they refuse, I will not refuse you people are not refusing. So he says that is what made him turn. Now look at this young boys of today. This is the logic they are using. They will not tell you Islam is

00:49:47--> 00:49:59

correct. And Islam believes in all the previous messengers and Islam allies. One even the father perhaps doesn't read Salah correctly, but he was proud with his action. May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive that men, really. We tried very hard.

00:50:00--> 00:50:33

But to be honest with you, it is only Allah who can bring people back. That's why I say it is foolish. Sometimes you might lose your child. Totally. Rather you lose them. 20% Allahu Akbar, like I said, you know, moments ago and this is very true. I said it here in Colombo in the past, and I want to repeat it. We have instances where people come and say, you know, Chef, there is a gene, my daughter has a gene, we say, Okay, so the daughter says, I see stars at night, I hear voices, you know, this is what happens when I go this way, I see a shadow I this happens, that happens.

00:50:34--> 00:51:12

I know default, this girl could not marry the man she wanted to marry. And so she is seeing stars because now she's not eating. Now she's not drinking. Now she's seeing things. Now every her life is coming to a mess and so on all sometimes it's connected to diet, diet, meaning, you know, because someone told her You're too fat, you know, you're not good looking. So she stops eating. So, there is no protein, no minerals, no vitamins, no nothing in the body. So, she starts seeing stars, the blood pressure is low, and she starts you know, so you tell her two or three things. Firstly, you say, you know, Jim does not like person who is very strong, you know, good, you know,

00:51:13--> 00:51:43

mineral cover you have hi Ron Illallah him in a minute by or equal in size. The Hadith says, believer who is strong and strong, both meaning in your belief and even physically is more loved by Allah subhanho wa Taala than one who is weakened believe in weak physically. Intentional physical weakness is something that is wrong. Do you know that if you are physically weak, and you are doing nothing about it, that is wrong. islamically also, it is wrong. So anyway, you tell them to have their dairy products and their red meat and so on within a certain limit. And suddenly the genies gone.

00:51:45--> 00:51:54

That was not a gene that was just your diet. And sometimes you ask them a straight up question. Are you married? No. Do you want to marry a particular person? They keep quiet.

00:51:55--> 00:51:57

Father is sitting there. That's the problem.

00:51:58--> 00:52:01

He is the disaster that is the gym. The father is the

00:52:04--> 00:52:44

law. What about Allah protect us and God disease? Well open our doors. You know, I'm speaking from a lot of experience, I'm not joking with you a lot of experience, we know what goes around. So you find your child is very sick and Ill sometimes it is because of some form of imbalance within the home, not necessarily in the mind. But imbalance in the house, then causes an imbalance in the brain, then when your child becomes totally mental requiring medication for the rest of their lives. Who are you going to blame? But it was simple for you. But you may be tough on yourself. Look at how today we have only started speaking. But we are speaking so much of reality on the ground, because

00:52:44--> 00:52:59

this is why we do not live happily ever after. Wife after 10 years tells the husband I never ever wanted to marry you. Do you know that? It took you 10 years to tell me and husband says guess what I was also forced. Now what is the point?

00:53:00--> 00:53:30

What is the point their parents a foolish man is telling his wife after so many years, I was forced, I didn't want to marry you. And the woman is saying I didn't want to marry you. So who is responsible for not allowing the couple to live happily ever after. And at the same time, there are three couples that are saying the same thing to each other because that man the why the one he wanted to marry is telling the same statement to her husband. And that woman The one whom she wanted to marry is telling the same statement to

00:53:32--> 00:53:51

Allahu Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala groundless goodness. This is called a lot of aaloo confines of the facade and this is why the Hadith says if you are not going to allow that marriage, there will be great chaos and fitna on Earth. All marriages are breaking up today when people get married, we need to ask, so when is it breaking?

00:53:53--> 00:54:07

Because more marriages, I was thinking that more marriages are breaking than happening. So someone might say But that can't be the case. It can be the case, because this year if there have been 200 marriages and 300 divorces, those of last year also divorcing now,

00:54:09--> 00:54:45

as time is progressing. There are people who are unhappy in marriage. If I were to tell you, my brothers and sisters without exaggeration, that more than half of us sitting here have a problem at home. I don't think I would be lying. I'm sorry to say this. I'm very sorry. I apologize in advance. I might be wrong. But according to what I know, I think I've worded it carefully. I'm not saying that you are breaking or your marriage is broken. But we do not have a problem at home. I don't think so. I think more than half of us would would would admit if we have to that we have a problem at home. Why? Because of something. What is the thing? Ask yourself, the day you were married and

00:54:45--> 00:54:58

you said yes, I accept her as my wife. The name of Allah was used, the verses were read. You don't even know the meaning of those verses up to today and you lead your life in a way that was not in that direction. So today you are sitting with a problem.

00:55:00--> 00:55:10

actually reduces the chances of living happily ever after. When you want to sin and you do not want to be responsible, you will reduce the chances of living happily ever after.

00:55:12--> 00:55:30

And when you were married, you were so happy. Are you as happy as you were that day today? If the answer is no, what went wrong? diagnose it, change it. Let me quickly read for you. The three verses that are read in hospice will hajer which is often repeated when it comes to nica. The first one

00:55:34--> 00:55:37

Taco Bell como la de holla, I

00:55:38--> 00:55:40

mean, I've seen

00:55:43--> 00:55:44

wahala coming.

00:55:46--> 00:55:47

What does that mean?

00:55:49--> 00:55:49


00:55:55--> 00:55:57

What duckula levy does,

00:55:58--> 00:56:00

new levy was

00:56:02--> 00:56:03


00:56:05--> 00:56:06


00:56:07--> 00:56:12

Oh, you owe people Allah starts by saying oh people, the beginning of sort of Tunisia.

00:56:14--> 00:57:01

Be conscious of your maker, your hub, your nourish your cherish your sustainer provider, be conscious of the one who is in absolute control of every aspect of your existence, which means develop your piety of people, be conscious of your maker, the one who created you from a single soul who is Adam, and from it he created Hawa he created its spouse, and from the two of them he caused the multitude to spread on the earth. From the two of them, fear him or be conscious of him. And I understand you are answerable to him. Allah says, what the cola ha and be fearful of Allah. Be mindful of Allah be conscious of Allah.

00:57:02--> 00:57:04

Allah de de aluna be

00:57:06--> 00:57:08

the one whose name you use.

00:57:09--> 00:57:25

When you are asking one another, or you want someone to believe you or you want to believe them, you want them to use the name of Allah. This verse is making mention of how sacred the name of Allah is. Be conscious of that Allah, whose name you consider so sacred love

00:57:26--> 00:57:43

and be conscious of the wounds. What's the meaning of the wombs, the female, the women, your mother, your sister, your wife, your daughter, be conscious of them, and they're right over you. Are you fulfilling it or not love Akbar. And Allah says in Allah can Allah.

00:57:45--> 00:58:14

Allah is very, very watchful over you, Rocky, someone who is watching very carefully taking note of that which is going on. So behind closed doors, watch out how you treat your women. Be careful. Your mother, your daughter, your wife, your spouse, meaning your sister and so on. Be careful. Allah says I'm watching and Allah is all watchful. That is the first verse, Allah is wanting us to save became the womb that gave birth to you and the womb that gave birth to your children. I want to stop there for a moment.

00:58:16--> 00:58:23

Today, we look for any reason to break the marriage. Do you know that? Any problem? We look? We look for that.

00:58:24--> 00:58:40

Which will make us part ways. Why is it that our fathers and the previous generations lasted longer? Because they did the opposite? What did they do? They looked for the smallest reason to hold the marriage together. That's the difference. We look for the smallest reason to break it.

00:58:42--> 00:59:18

We have stopped helping our spouses through a problem. We rather opt out of the problem. That is a crisis, you will never live happily ever after you caught your husband doing something wrong. Two things immediately today, they will say I'm going home, I want to divorce out why because one thing went wrong, the man made a mistake, something happened he fell into the trap of shapen. And now the house must be broken. That is stupidity and foolishness. It really if a house was supposed to be broken for a mistake of a man or a woman, all our houses would be broken by now. Every one of them tell me who has not made a mistake here.

00:59:19--> 00:59:31

We have obviously mistakes are of a different nature. We're not talking of you know certain types of errors that are sometimes perhaps beyond a certain limit No, but we are talking of errors and mistakes. Sometimes things do occur.

00:59:32--> 00:59:59

A while back when the spouse made a mistake the wife would say look, this is very bad. I will not you know expose your you to others. I will try and help you you need really to stop doing this. And she bought not only patience because nowadays the young girls don't like the word suffer. Sometimes young boys and girls you tell them make supper they say you are one of those moolah who came from Afghanistan. What do you think man? We must sit and make supper.

01:00:00--> 01:00:43

Well, to be honest with you, there are people in the Western world who also make supper. May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness supper is a beautiful word. Allah COVID beautiful Ishmael sobrang, Jamil and bear patients are beautiful patients. So instead of burying patients what they want, they don't want to bear patients anymore. small thing and it's gone. May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, as I was saying, a while back, a problem happens, they would help each other through the difficulty. I know of cases. And I'm sure your parents and grandparents, whose financial condition was so bad that they did not have a house, which was decent to live in. But the

01:00:43--> 01:01:09

marriage did not break. Today, you don't have a washing machine at home. She says, I want to go home, I need a divorce. Why do you think I'm going to wash. She's a princess brought up being called my princess by her father. Now she's not used to lifting one spoon, low, one spoon I can't Why? Where is the servants, otherwise, I'm going home. This is why we tell those who are wealthy. May Allah grant you Baraka in your wealth.

01:01:11--> 01:01:17

Remember, do not allow that wealth to create a standard of daughter who will not be able to be a wife of someone else.

01:01:19--> 01:01:28

Remember this, because when you have brought up a princess, you can only get her married to a king. Remember that. And as I told you, there is a shortage of kings.

01:01:30--> 01:01:40

So what will happen, she will go and she will say in my father's home, I never cooked. So now you're sitting back my fathers and mothers who are here today, let me explain.

01:01:41--> 01:02:19

Even if you are from a good home, that is Allah has blessed with wealth, get your daughters trained to do the certain duties that they may have within the home. That is what it is. And I don't even want to get into the debate as to should she cook in the house or should she not cook What is this? Well, I look when there is a role to be fulfilled you fulfill it, we have not got to a point where we want to argue and we want to mix and we want to do this and that. In Islam we believe that men and women are equal equality in terms of spirituality, but physically they are different emotionally they are different than they are roles that they need to play in terms of their gender is absolutely

01:02:19--> 01:02:55

and totally different. We believe this and the whole world agrees with it. And I've told you in the past in this city, that there are lose that you will find even outside this hole. There is a picture of a man and a woman which which says this toilet is for males and that is for ladies, gents and ladies, why do they have separate toilets because they admit and they agree that the people are different physically they are different emotionally they are different. And to be honest with you, I when I entered one, you know public loo in one of the airports. I was shocked because two men into holding hands. I said this is more dangerous than having a loo which is mixed.

01:02:56--> 01:03:07

Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. May Allah safeguard us. When you see two men holding hands or hugging each other entering the loo you are supposed to be worried they should have a separate toilet for those type of people.

01:03:10--> 01:03:43

May Allah Subhana Allah grant us protection, this is society. And these are things we have seen and sometimes they are hidden from the eye of the innocent. You know, we sometimes you have an old elderly person who's never seen those things. He's not bothered. He doesn't know how the internet works, and so on. I am surprised I want to tell you Sri Lankans are some of the most advanced when it comes to the internet. Believe me very advanced Indians in this this part of the world completely. You will find everybody you want to get a message across one little tweet the junior knows about it. Its effect. May Allah subhanho wa Taala save goddess.

01:03:44--> 01:04:25

So this is why my brothers and sisters we say and we repeat and we reiterate. We need to make dua to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, we need to ask Allah for guidance. And ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to open our doors. The verse that I read the first verse of that footbaww, Allah is warning us watch out how you treat your women. Look at what happens. Like I said, do not break your marriage because of one thing or two things or five things know, your duty is to work hard. I know of cases and I'm sure you would, like I said, your parents and grandparents perhaps they did not even have proper homes. And yet, your grandmothers and mothers lived with them. That is when you were born. And that

01:04:25--> 01:04:46

is how you grew up without shoes. Today, if your husband cannot afford a shoe, and your husband has lost his job, people say I'm going home. Why? Because my lipstick you can't afford anymore. Allahu Akbar, may Allah safeguard us. And I think in some societies is the other way around man sitting back at home relaxing. He says I'm divorcing you while you're not bringing enough money into the home. Look at how the world has become upside down.

01:04:48--> 01:04:49

The world has become upside down.

01:04:50--> 01:04:59

So we need to be careful. Remember, look for something small that will hold your marriage together. Do not look for something small.

01:05:00--> 01:05:01

It will break your marriage.

01:05:02--> 01:05:48

How they lived happily ever after was they help each other through their crises and problems. They bore patients for eight years for 10 years for 15 years. After that they lived happily ever after. Without their patience and without correcting one another without accepting correction you may never ever live happily ever after, because there will come a time when you will be completely lost. Remember, the sweetness of the fruit of patience that was born for eight years is so sweet that it will last 80 years and even beyond sweetness of sub and patience is something that is really it needs to be tasted in order to be understood. So I call on the young boys and girls of today those

01:05:48--> 01:06:04

who are married, remember your spouse has one weakness, work with him, try and help him or her and try and you know, learn to forgive that something big we spoke about it yesterday, when you hold a grudge, it's excess baggage, and will lie it is if you learn to forgive

01:06:06--> 01:06:14

Allah He will appreciate your life happily ever after. Why we say this. Today when your son, listen to this point.

01:06:15--> 01:06:27

When your son or your daughter does something major that is wrong, you are ready to forgive them. But when the father of that son or daughter does the same thing wrong, you're not ready to forgive them. But he is the father he was there before the child.

01:06:29--> 01:06:30

You follow?

01:06:31--> 01:07:09

And with the mother as well, your daughter did something wrong. You can forgive her. But the mother of your daughter did the same thing wrong. I can't forgive her. But she was there before that one. In fact, she the daughter was the result of the union between you and the mother of that daughter. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. I am saying this just to make us think it is not necessary for us to just bear suffer when we really cannot endure it anymore. No Islam comes to your help and says no, there are certain cases when divorce is really only the option that you have right now, that we know we are not denying that but today, we are talking of happily ever after. If divorce

01:07:09--> 01:07:22

happens to be the only choice out of a specific issue, then Subhanallah that will be the way and perhaps that will grant you a life happily ever after. But today we are talking about growing in marriage not growing in divorce.

01:07:24--> 01:07:28

The second verse, Allah subhanho wa Taala says, Yeah, you

01:07:30--> 01:07:34

know, takala have patoka de la de mucho

01:07:37--> 01:07:44

Muslim moon, oh you who believe be conscious of the Almighty as he is meant to be.

01:07:46--> 01:08:28

Meaning according to his level, be conscious of him according to his level. Obviously that is something very difficult and do not die. Except in the condition of submission. Which means lead your whole life in the submission of Allah you will be happy. If you live your life in the submission of Allah subhanho wa Taala you will be happy because Allah has the solution to your problems. And Allah has laid rules and regulations to help you avoid any problems whatsoever. If you understand the plan of Allah, you have the knowledge of the deen you have abstained from what Allah has asked you to abstain from and you have thanked Allah you have engaged in what he has asked you

01:08:28--> 01:08:36

to engage in. In that case, even if something happens in your life that others would consider negative for you. It is a win win situation.

01:08:38--> 01:08:40

Now this verse is read.

01:08:41--> 01:09:20

It is that important. What about which was repeated by Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam so many times, a lot of us don't even know that we are supposed to be in submission. And from this list, we can also pause for a moment and we can learn a lesson that my brothers and sisters when you engage in sin, your marriage cannot work as such, you cannot guarantee yourself the happily ever after title. You cannot why because you are engaged in sin who owns that happily ever after title? Who can give it to you, Allah. So if you are in transgression, if you are against the commands of Allah, do you think that will happen? Sometimes you might be very happy your spouse is excited, you are excited you live

01:09:20--> 01:09:38

for 30 years, the problems come after your child who grows old then the problem comes when sometimes your grandchild can cause distress for you. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala protectors may make us from those who can be the coolness of the eyes of our parents and may He make our offspring the coolness of our eyes. I mean,

01:09:40--> 01:09:57

so this is why we say don't sin. When you sin, you have reduced the chances of living happily ever after the third verse. The third verse I would like to think in terms of marriage is one of the most important verses. Yeah, are you larina mano de la kulu

01:09:58--> 01:09:59


01:10:00--> 01:10:41

Are you who believe be conscious of Allah. Look, this has repeated itself for the fourth time. Now, two times in the first verse once in the second verse, and once in the third verse, be conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And only after that which is upright, your tongue 99% of problems in marriage are connected to the wrong use of the tongue, abuse of the tongue or not occupying the tongue with that which is beneficial. So the tongue the Quran says, and this verse is repeated, even in the chutzpah of nikka, hookah Sudha, it is repeated in that, and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam used to repeated a lot. If you know how to use your tongue, you can save a marriage. So panela

01:10:42--> 01:10:59

praise your wife, talk to her say good words or your husband, tell them how good looking they are. Tell them how you appreciate their sacrifice for you, my brothers and sisters, marriage is about sacrifice, the more you have sacrifice, the more you will win the heart of your spouse.

01:11:00--> 01:11:40

Sometimes even if they don't like you that much because of a word you might have uttered, or a mistake you might have made, your sacrifice will act as a soothing cream over that particular gash that might have been caused and very soon the mark will be gone. Why? Because you say, you know, I appreciate you really, you have sacrificed you have given birth to so many of my children, and so on. And you have done this and you have done that you appreciate because there comes a point in the life of man, when he realizes that allegiance is with the one who has sacrificed for him all along. What this means is some people as they're growing up, you know, they're interested in this one and

01:11:40--> 01:12:12

that one but rather you are married, interested still in that one, this one here, good looking this person, that person good looking and so on. And you know, that person is very eloquent and this person is like this and like that. But they comes in age when they realize you know what, my wife is the best wife. She cooked for me. She cleaned for me. She has my children. She stayed awake with those children. She brought them up. She did this she did that she tried her best she's religious she's trying to please Allah. She is at the same time this and that. She might be seven kilos overweight. So what even if she's 70 kilos in total? We don't mind.

01:12:14--> 01:12:40

Allah subhanho wa Taala Countess goodness. Why? Because you realize that now you're old, you get you. You cannot continue following these little small models of the age, like we said yesterday and the day before. It's not like you're going to get them anyway. And even if if you want them, they will not want you perhaps they might want your money and they might want something for a little while and after that they are also finding someone who has more wealth than you and perhaps slightly younger. Allahu Akbar. Allah says God has me he can and his goodness.

01:12:41--> 01:13:20

My brothers and sisters when a person has faulted, how do they make things right? Like I was saying, the nikka How should it take place? It must be simple, very simple nica we must not try and compete with the Joneses know that that family has a very big nikka has 2000 guests we want to have one with 3000 guests, that family gave this gift we want to have that no you are making it difficult. There will be no Baraka in that marriage you can invite how many people you want keep it simple, keep it segregated, separated, make sure you understand it is a religious function, it is not a social function, understand that it is a function that is sacred. And this is why treat it as though it is

01:13:20--> 01:13:58

a function that is held because of the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala alone. And then you will understand today we have you know people who get together music is blasting men and women are they the bride who sometimes is very religious the day she's getting married, her showing her cleavage showing her legs are showing she's sitting in front of all the men and the husband comes in. He's supposed to be a religious person, but even he chooses clothes that do not depict any religiousness at all. And he wants to sit right in front of everyone. And everyone is taking pictures and congratulating them and all the young boys and girls, it has happened where a man has seen a woman

01:13:58--> 01:14:05

as his own marriage prettier than his wife. So he divorced his wife to marry that woman will lie here I'm not telling you a lie. It is a true story.

01:14:06--> 01:14:07

Look at this.

01:14:09--> 01:14:46

Why? Because we don't do our things properly. And then some of you some of us say no man, these people are like I said mulas from Afghanistan estavela. Well, I this is this is a religious ruling. I mean, if someone tells you eat your salad does not make them a bad person. If someone tells you look, this is a proper religious function, which is spiritual. I had the opportunity of sitting next to a rabbi in one of the aircrafts and I learned so much because a lot of their rules and regulations are very, very close to Islam. They are stricter than us in so many things. And that is the pure Judaism Subhana Allah, but their followers will not go out and say no, it's a barbaric

01:14:46--> 01:14:50

religion but we sometimes we'd like to go out and challenge our own religion and we don't want

01:14:51--> 01:15:00

quiet that has not become dissolved in the cauldron of westernization dissolved in the cauldron of Satanism dissolved in the

01:15:00--> 01:15:30

cauldron of worshiping our own desires, that shouldn't be the case May Allah protect us really, you have a marriage that is simple, you are invoking the blessings of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now, they will be if they have a problem and it is not, you know, you cannot have a marriage which does not have any problem whatsoever, they will always be some form of an issue small or big. But when you have had a proper marriage, then you need to realize that Allah subhanho wa Taala will come to the assistance of the particular people who are involved.

01:15:31--> 01:15:32

For some reason, this thing is one of promise.

01:15:34--> 01:16:17

So, this is the gift of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now, when we have had a marriage, which was totally wrong, and as I said, we had extravagance, and everything was gone wrong, and so on and so forth. In that particular case, we need to engage in Toba ask Allah to forgive you so that we are not penalized as a result of the wrongs that we did, not penalized. And a lie. What I'm saying is real. I have studied marriages, where you have people who have abandoned the law of Allah for those few hours of the walima a few hours of that function, they abandon the law of Allah, they pay for it later on in life. I have studied these sometimes, and unless they engage in Toba and change their

01:16:17--> 01:16:54

lives, because sometimes people are already married, sometimes we who are married we did it the wrong way sometimes. So how do you mean that? Allah says by engaging in eastern Farsi, Allah, we did it, we did it wrong, Allah forgive us. What happened was not supposed to be my brothers and sisters, it is a religious function, do it correctly, I call upon you really, to have your functions of Nika. Correct, no matter what challenges you may face in terms of people saying, if it is separated, I'm not going to come while my brother, I've invited you, you want to come come, you don't want to come, don't come but I want the angels of mercy to be there. So if I'm going to keep it mixed, because I

01:16:54--> 01:17:02

want you there, then the angels won't come. And if I want the angels there, then you won't come. I'd rather you don't come with angels be de la Akbar.

01:17:03--> 01:17:26

We have had marriages where people have put on the card, the dress code, well done. You say this is a function of Islamic or should I say a spiritual nature, please ensure that you are dressed appropriately. I know of a function where they turn down women who are not dressed appropriately from the door and it was a marriage. And I said hats off to them. It's just a pity none of us were waiting has

01:17:31--> 01:18:13

Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, to my brothers and sisters, I want to now make mention of also a few important points. Seeing that we have spent we have dwelt a lot on reality on the ground, we need to guide one another, remind one another? What is it that will result in the good marriage? Firstly, we need to learn to trust our spouse, you trust this person. I was I came across a fatwa recently online of one of the Arab scholars where he issued a ruling saying it is prohibited for you to go through the mobile phones of your spouse's. I was shocked when I read that I was shocked. He said, spying is not allowed. Even if it is against your own spouse, you take them at

01:18:13--> 01:18:49

face value, which means you treat your spouse according to how they treat you and so on. They say, if you are going to start the spying game, many things can happen. Sometimes someone can blackmail. Sometimes someone can frame sometimes a sin that the man was about to repent from becomes an issue that has made your marriage break yet it was between him and Allah. And the same applies to a woman. So whether we agree or disagree with this first one, the reality is we learn a lesson from it. We learn a lesson to say when you spy, what does what do you gain from it? What is it? How is the men treating you? How is the woman treating you, if they have a sin between them and Allah it has

01:18:49--> 01:19:03

affected the treatment between you and them, you raise the treatment, and you may try to sight what the problem is. But for you to convert your life from bringing up your children into spying on a man will not really make you live happily ever after.

01:19:05--> 01:19:44

We know of people whose spouses have cheated on them for 50 years, but they are living happily ever after because they are not even aware of what is going on it is between them and Allah subhanho wa Taala I am not saying that is a good situation or a bad situation. But I am saying it is a lesson we draw from that, that we should not convert our lives from what we are supposed to be yes, it is your right sometimes within certain limits to know what is going on and so on. But at the same time, make sure that it does not result in you reacting in the wrong way so that you break your marriage rather than build it help your spouse. Remember that is the secret. So one is the issue of trust. As much

01:19:44--> 01:19:51

as we say you should trust your spouse. We need to say do not do something which will make your spouse doubt you.

01:19:52--> 01:19:59

So now you have a man he's on his phone. Every time he's secretive. He's holding his phone. When his wife comes he does this

01:20:00--> 01:20:15

Now, brother, if you don't want to instill that mistrust in her, what are you doing? What is this going to achieve? So now you do this. And then he says, didn't you hear the talk? You're supposed to trust me. I'm just testing you whether you're trusting me or not.

01:20:17--> 01:20:20

You see, the last means this is what some people must be doing.

01:20:22--> 01:21:01

I'm testing you, whether you trust me or not, well, that is foolish because you don't do that Allahu Akbar, do not invite mistrust. No, do not invite mistrust. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us. And another mistake that people make, you don't need to confess all your sins to your spouse because they are not Allah. Remember that they are not Allah, your spouse is a person. Yes, you will be the closest to them, they will help you through your sin and to eradicate it and so on. But you confess your sin to Allah, and you eradicate it as soon as possible. When you are named, you ask Allah Subhana, Allah to forgive you, you may have to say a few things. And you may have to make a few

01:21:01--> 01:21:18

promises and so on. But if your link with Allah is strong, you will not need to worry about your link with your spouse because what will go wrong? What will go wrong? This is it. And this is why we always say it's a polite, look at it four times in those verses. But did we know that?

01:21:19--> 01:21:37

Secondly, the issue of time, my brothers and sisters, many of us are guilty of not spending time with our families, time will build your relation to the degree that you live happily ever after. Because time is very valuable. Spend time with your wives, your children, your your family members, very, very important.

01:21:38--> 01:22:16

Sometimes people sit with their friends, sometimes they sit on computers, but I'm at home. So what you're sitting on the computer, it's as good as being some way in another country altogether. Because when you are on a computer, and this has happened to all of us when you are seriously working, they can be talking to you. You don't know what they said nothing. He just you know, the typical one. Would you like some tea? Yes. Did you even hear what they said? You didn't say? So? Do you know today? I went to the school. Yes. You know, today, it was your child's graduation. Yes. You know, today he won a prize. Yes. But you haven't heard anything? You know, you are very stupid. Yes.

01:22:18--> 01:22:55

Why? Because you didn't hear anything. He just said yes. Yes. Because you are busy with in another continent. That is time you are not giving time. Set aside the time, put away something, spend it with them, look at them, talk to them, voila. This is how you will help your children one day to live happily ever after. Because they saw my father did this, I will do it also for my spouse. My mother did this I will do it for my spouse. Today we have a difficulty father is in his own world. Mother is in his own world. And the children are in their own world when they get married. They are also in their own worlds because that is how they grew up watching their parents in their own

01:22:55--> 01:23:26

worlds. But when the father spent time with the mother, they were very fond of each other. They you know, they exchange these very romantic glances and whatever else may have been within respect in front of the children obviously, respect is required. But they need to see that there is affection between the two of you. So when they grow up, they understand that love is not just about the outward looks of a female but it is something far deep after my mother gave birth to so many children still, my father considered her as the Rose of his life. Love.

01:23:28--> 01:24:08

Hello. Look at this. So the child learns. But no father is busy. He doesn't have time for mother. But when the Secretary walks in, Oh, yes. How are you? Okay, yes, have a seat. Can I get you some coffee, but mother was asking you if she could get you coffee. Now you asking her if you could get her some coffee. And this is a totally different person, Allahu Akbar. So the child watches. So what are we doing? We are reducing the chances of the child living happily ever after, let alone ourselves. Because the child is watching. This is why we say spend time with your children. Very important. I put a value at one meal a day with your child is worth 10,000 US dollars and probably

01:24:08--> 01:24:30

more more because sometimes that meal a day might make your child says something you guide the child who spoke to the child had it not been for that they would have got guidance from someone else because they never get a chance with you. And then they make a wrong decision in life which results in their total destruction. What then it only costed you a meal a day Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. This is why get home early.

01:24:31--> 01:24:37

Don't go every day and say there was a lecture tonight. This is why we only remain here for three nights afford to go away.

01:24:38--> 01:24:59

So you cannot go home and say tonight there was a lecture which lecture what did they say? Are you going to say that they said we must not spend time wasting time outside you must get back home physically home. Even your friends Believe me. Many marriages have broken because of friends. The friend says hey, you know what you what are you doing man? You know you How can you be controlled by your wife you want to go home, the time you

01:25:00--> 01:25:04

Only 10 o'clock man. The night is still young but my wife is also young.

01:25:06--> 01:25:42

Remember that if the night is young Your wife is even younger. She deserves it more than you. My brothers and sisters many marriages have been broken because of late nights, people sitting on the internet, people chatting haraam way to people they are not supposed to be in touch with how did it bring you goodness? What law he doesn't you want to live happily ever after? Close it. You don't need to be on that. Check it life will not come to a standstill without you believe me, but your real life may come to a standstill with that chance. Do you know that lo Akbar Allahu Akbar May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us control the internet is a tool that is so addictive that you lose

01:25:42--> 01:26:18

track of time the minute you are hooked onto it. So we ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant us understanding. Another very important point my brothers and sisters to live happily ever after. You must be neat and tidy. I know someone might think well what does this have to do with you know the whole thing we want to live happily ever after sometimes a spouse does not like you because you are shabby and tatty, they cannot tolerate you because you know you leave your smelly clothes lying around here and they you get up and you're not in order. Sometimes you after you use the loo It is as though there was a whole chain of people who have used that low, low Acaba and you will leave it

01:26:18--> 01:26:55

so dirty and filthy that the wife feels now my job this man married me only to wash after me, but to wash after him. Why is that the case you need to be neat, be tidy, cleanse yourself, take pride in your dress code for your spouse, for your family to watch your children will see that my mum always look smart. And it was not to, to, you know to attract the man at the mall. No, it was for my dad and for us. And she was always a person role model in the home you have dressed smart and prim and proper, your clothes are good and you know neat and so on according to your level. So that is a very important point if you would like to live happily. And if you would like to live happily ever after,

01:26:55--> 01:27:08

make sure that you are dressed prim and proper, neat and smart. And make sure that you have presented yourself as the father of the home or the mother or a person who is a good spouse who is dedicated towards that marriage.

01:27:09--> 01:27:44

Very important point we spoke about already I just say the point of communication, you need to communicate with your children and with your spouse. If you do not communicate with your spouse, you cannot expect that marriage to work, you must have a good relation, they must be able to say to you and you must be able to say to them whatever is in the heart in a respectful way. And remember how you talk to your spouse also determines how long you will be with them. Because if you keep on screaming and shouting, they won't tolerate it more than a while. After that. They're going to get fed up, they will want to go home. Nobody spoke to them like that in the past. You need to know

01:27:44--> 01:28:28

speak to them with respect at a goodwill. The minute you shout, scream, swear, lie, cheat, deceive, that will not be tolerated more than a certain amount of time. No. So stop screaming and yelling at home. Stop using words that are stop using words that have a better alternative. I have spoken about the term Shut up. Shut up is a very bad word you'd rather say keep quiet, it enhances your respect and it will achieve more than the term Shut up. You thought of it. Keep quiet is a far more respectful term, even with your own children. So communication and how to communicate is a skill that will really help you in marriage thereafter. One very important point. Take correction when you

01:28:28--> 01:28:40

are corrected. admit your fault. And nod your head and appreciate it whether you are a man or a woman. Even if your wife tells you you know what? I feel you are wrong. Who do you think you are? I send you back home. That's the attitude of today.

01:28:42--> 01:28:50

That's the attitude No, your wife has the right to tell you look I think this relation was unnecessary. I think the way you should handle this should not be in this particular way.

01:28:52--> 01:29:18

You should be thankful no I appreciate what you said and immediately I will do something about it. Mashallah, now you live because you appreciate there are female. Females are today big, big CEOs of some of the most successful companies on the globe. Have you realized that and sometimes in our own home we don't even give them a say Allahu Akbar. No, say I'm a Muslim and you are not supposed to tell me anything. You are a female I'm a male. Where did you get that from? Which Islam? Are you following brother?

01:29:19--> 01:29:30

Were in Islam does it say your wife is not allowed to correct you show me any verse any Hadid, any saying of any of the scholars that wife is not allowed to correct husband while

01:29:38--> 01:29:59

they the women have rights over them or they have rights that need to be fulfilled similar to the rights that they would be fulfilling, which means the rights on both sides. you fulfill they fulfill like we spoke about spying. You do not want her to spy you don't spy on her the same thing. Subhana Allah, Allah Subhana Allah

01:30:00--> 01:30:39

Alexander's goodness. So if you would like to have the right to correct her, she has the right to correct you too. We should not give Islam a bad image by making people feel that you know what our women are just slaves, whatever I say goes, but when you are wrong, she has the right to stand up and say you are wrong, so much so that if you are very wrong beyond a certain limit, she has the right to actually apply for a nullification of that marriage without even your involvement. And she can get it. Do you know that she can go to the to the Sharif court or to the group of Rama who is handling these marital crisis and she can say, I would like to apply for a divorce on this ground,

01:30:39--> 01:31:06

this ground this ground, if those grounds are valid, she will be awarded that after the fulfillment of certain system that takes you know certain steps that take place. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection. So the issue of correction, we need to take correction I spoke about sacrifice. Sacrifice is the cornerstone of a successful marriage. Remember, the young boys and girls, people think I'm getting married. See, that's the last smiley smile.

01:31:07--> 01:31:12

I'm getting married. I'm getting married. And when you see him the following when he says I'm married,

01:31:14--> 01:31:54

marry, but what happened. It took him one night to realize it's a big responsibility on his shoulders. He now needs to look after someone's daughter. He took her With the name of Allah, he needs to provide for her. He needs to make sure that he respects her he has a new relation in his life needs to change. If your life does not change after marriage, then perhaps you don't understand what marriage is all about. This is why we say sacrifice is the cornerstone towards living happily ever after. When you get up the following morning, you need to realize I must get up. I must do this do that. When you are lazy yesterday, I use the term a bag of lazy bones will lay its effect. If you

01:31:54--> 01:31:55

are lazy.

01:31:56--> 01:32:05

You cannot expect to live happily ever after there is no room for laziness. When it comes to marriage, both for the male as well as the female get up and work hard to

01:32:06--> 01:32:09

inshallah to prosper in that marriage of yours.

01:32:11--> 01:32:54

Then what is very important is to support your spouse to stand by your spouse to be fair, and just here, I need to spend a few minutes what is the meaning of fair and just your mother has a problem with your wife. You don't just side with one of them. No, you must be just, you must be fair. If your mother is wrong, she is wrong. Even if she's your mother, we have an attitude where we say my mother is my door to paradise. My brother, sometimes your mother is your door to hell did you know that? from Islam, I'm telling you, if that Mother of yours is oppressive, and she is doing something wrong, she could be your door to hell not to heaven. Do you know that? Allah he and I, I am saying

01:32:54--> 01:33:39

this with all passion because we have seen a lot of marriages where the mother in law thinks she's the queen, who is married to the woman who you are married to before you. And then she comes in relays, all her unjust instructions, which are absolutely unacceptable. And the man just sits down. That's my mother. That's my mother. That's my mother. How long are you going to keep on saying that your mother when she's oppressing your wife. Something somehow someway needs to be said, either speak to your father or tell your mother Mother, I love you so much. I did not marry this woman for her to be a means of taking my love away from you or your love away from me. The love I have for you

01:33:39--> 01:33:54

is totally different from the love I have for her. So mother, I will love you forever. But I want to tell you, this is the line you do not cross my beloved mother and you kiss her forehead, you can kiss her hands in her cheeks and tell her that my mother You are wrong.

01:33:56--> 01:34:18

Lay down. When you do not lay your territory your marriage cannot work. People don't know, where's my limit? They don't know. So how can you manage with your mother doesn't know your father doesn't know. Some fathers issue instructions to their daughters in law worse than the instruction of their own son to the wife of this. So what was the point father? Why didn't you just marry this woman one time?

01:34:20--> 01:34:58

That is not fair. You cannot just come and say that's my daughter in law. I must tell her you stand here you go. They know they have their life. Give them their freedom. Understand they too need to grow in marriage to live happily ever after. It's not just you who comes in dish instructions and go out. I know this what I've said here might be a bit bitter for some people to digest. But it is a fact of life. It is a red button that we press and we need to press it and constantly remind people because when you talk about happily ever after, remember, you need to address issues that are current and valid otherwise you're wasting your time. I cannot speak about a fairy tale because none

01:34:58--> 01:34:59

of us will then learn

01:35:00--> 01:35:02

Something by the time we walk out of these doors

01:35:03--> 01:35:39

so, this is why we say you need to be just tell your father where he should stand with respect and please the parents do not hate your child just because he needs a bit of time with his wife no or the wife means time with the husband or the children no allow them that let them go. You do not have to go everywhere your children go we are going for a holiday for example to Penang or to Langkawi. So now hardnesses we are coming with okay you come with Mashallah the next year we are going to holiday we are going to this place we are coming with the following year we are so whenever did they go alone? Never Why? Because mom and dad tag along give them once or twice a few times, give them

01:35:39--> 01:36:17

their own tell them look you guys go along inshallah Enjoy yourselves and next time we will join you. Perhaps you can arrange for us. Yes. It is very important to look after your parents believe me, we are not at all undermining that. That is a rule on its own. Look after your parents but be just when it comes to your relation with them and the relation with your spouse, be just even your children, some people and this happens in some homes. They have more than one child. So the children begin to get children. So those children who live with them in the same home. Every time we shout them. We pick on them. Why? Because they live in the same home. And when the other sons children

01:36:17--> 01:36:56

come because they live far away. Oh my son, where were you What happened? These children are watching. They're seeing look at this grandfather of mine. These people here does he know what they do at school and yeah, he is embracing them. It is only because we are foolish human nature makes us get irritated with those we live with sometimes, and we don't know those who are really irritating actually so close to us because they are far this is why we tell parents sometimes you need to make sure your children live a little bit of a distance from you so that you can be even closer in relation. And I have seen in my life with lots of experience that those children who do not live

01:36:56--> 01:37:33

with their parents are sometimes closer in relation with their parents they have a better understanding and they have a much better relation and I am not promoting people to abandon their parents know you need never to abandon your parents if you do that you are sinful have the highest order but what we are saying is give each other your breathing space is very important give each other breathing space some women they get married into homes where mother in law system dishes instruction night Today we will cook this this this this this I'm inviting 20 people for lunch 40 people for supper tomorrow morning. 60 people for breakfast, but hang on man. I have one daughter in

01:37:33--> 01:37:49

law here. We are a few people here what's going on if this happened once a while it's okay but you cannot just sit back and dish out instructions as though this is a restaurant. Mashallah if you really want I have a friend who owns a restaurant known as dine more down the road perhaps we can go there. Masha Allah

01:37:51--> 01:37:59

Allah subhanho wa Taala grandma's goodness I had to mention that because you know there are a few restaurants we've been to here Mashallah the cuisine is something else.

01:38:01--> 01:38:29

So my brothers and sisters I'm just thinking of it probably the cook some of our males not females remember this. When you say food is very nice and sharp woman will say Well, that's a male cook. Which means now let's eat here every other day. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us good. So, the point being raised is be just be fair be balanced, you cannot keep it lopsided all along. Because you will have your children they will grow up they will get married, how do you like your daughter to be treated? Remember this remember very important point.

01:38:32--> 01:39:10

Then a very important point also is non comparison. In two angles you want to live happily ever after. Do not compare your marriage to someone else's. Perhaps they have bigger problems than yours which are hidden and you don't know don't compare your marriage. You look at your own condition. Are you happy? Is your situation okay? You have you are living in a hut Mashallah you have a baby on the floor and you are so excited Mashallah the water is there everything the minute you see another man who has a beautiful home you ended and there is a big bedding there with a lovely mattress and five, six continental pillows Mashallah, this happens and that and then you come back home and you're

01:39:10--> 01:39:52

upset? Why? You know, those people are living so happily man look at them. Why should you destroy your heart looking at the bungalow of somebody else, you're never going to get de la cama. You're not going to get there. So do not compare your marriage to others. You will be happy with your situation for as long as it is okay. You make the most of it one day if Allah wills you will grant you even better. Ultimately, we go to gentlemen in general, you get what you want. So comparison in terms of your marriage, another thing to compare children also reduces your chances of living happily ever after. You know, and you don't allow this to happen. The worst is when someone enters

01:39:52--> 01:39:59

your home and starts comparing children or you yourself in front of your children. This one is very dark in complexion This one is lighting complexion and the child

01:40:00--> 01:40:42

is hearing it's not their crime. It's Allah who chose that. And someone This one is very clever that one is sick, sick. The way we say the word sick, it makes them feel sicker. It's a fact. Yes, people call their children stupid dog cow pig, Allahu Akbar how, how can you live happily ever after when what came out of your system is being called a pig and a dog and a cow? May Allah forgive us? Sometimes in our spirit of anger, we are the words that result in the cursing of ourselves. And then we want to know why is it we are not living happily ever after? But brother, my sister, you are calling your son a dog? How could you do that? If your son is a dog, I don't want to ask what it

01:40:42--> 01:40:43

makes you.

01:40:46--> 01:40:56

Love. My brothers and sisters, very important, do not utter cutting remarks calling people names in your own house. We are not even supposed to be doing that out of the house.

01:40:57--> 01:41:34

So this is why we say non comparison in marriage and non comparison with children. And don't come and compare the children of one son with the children of another son, the children of one wife, with the children of another wife, that is haram. Each one has their own speciality. Who knows when they grow up, it might swap May Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, me, he opened our doors. Sometimes we make mistakes because of our human weakness. And we come about we want to start comparing children, you know, My son, that son has very good children, you know, and this one year his children are unruly, and so on, stop saying that, raise your hands and make a dua to Allah or

01:41:34--> 01:41:44

get to the ground and start resolving the matter by by trying your best to speak and communicate with the children and seeing what is happening. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us.

01:41:46--> 01:42:09

I touched a little bit here on the issue of a man who has two wives, and he compares the children of either wife, and he tells each wife, for example, you know what, you know, nothing that one knows too much. This one knows this, and that one will lie. It's a big error. And this is why we say today we need to address the issue of polygamy, not because we want to promote it or demote it, but because it is happening in society. Remember this.

01:42:10--> 01:42:46

The difficulty is not that people do not like polygamy or disagree with it, it is more to do with the way it is done. And how people do it. So now you have people who keep it a big secret. And after four years, it comes it pops up, you know, like bread coming out of the toaster, and it's built. Allahu Akbar, and then you expect things to live rosy and you go to make your wife feel like a non Muslim, you know, to say, you know what, if you do not accept this, then you are not in Islam. Allahu Akbar, what is this? My brothers, you need to be reasonable. These are human beings you are dealing with not animals, they have feelings, they have a heart, you need to talk to them. You need

01:42:46--> 01:43:20

to make them feel wanted. You need to make sure if you are from amongst those who has more than one spouse, you need to make them feel equally important. You need to go out of your way to build that love with either spouse If more than one or two because we are Muslim in because it happens in our society, you would really be serving yourself the death blow if you had to prefer one over the other in terms of the statements that you make to them or being unfair. May Allah subhana wa Taala safeguard us. Really,

01:43:22--> 01:44:06

you do not you are not allowed to go out to one and to make her feel that she is so low and cheap compared to the other. Why that is haram forbidden. Perhaps the one who gave you children first, the one whom you were married to right at the beginning, perhaps that one may stand up for you the day you needed most. And at the same time, you may have benefit from the other and perhaps the third and perhaps the fourth, you may have benefits and they may come with their own goodness. So remember, each one comes with a unique goodness Subhanallah you need to know how to identify the goodness in each. Why is it that we want to identify the weakness and we want to get irritated and remember

01:44:06--> 01:44:42

sometimes it takes a little bit of time for women to come to terms with this. If you are a man and you are a real Muslim, and you see Allah subhanho wa Taala and you want to follow the Sunnah of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, you will realize and understand that your spouse is only but a human being. You need to stand up and make them feel as wanted as ever. It is not difficult to make your wife feel like she is the queen and to make the other one feel like she's exactly the same Queen, love a cover. It's not difficult, but you need to know and you need to realize the statements that come out of your mouth mean a lot.

01:44:43--> 01:44:47

go out of your way to utter good words. Don't compare things.

01:44:48--> 01:44:59

And remember, we as Muslim men are taught to work on the goodness and to identify and praise the goodness. You know, I was asked a question by one young men

01:45:00--> 01:45:36

This question has repeated itself. So many times perhaps I have received more than 1000 emails in this regard. People who are hooked on to pornography. So they tell you, this is an example. I'm bringing it up for a reason. They tell you, you know, we're young and you know, one one brother says, I tried to leave this but I really can't. What is it? What can I do now it's not easy to advise someone especially from long distance and you don't know who they are. So one of the best ways of advising them is the advice of some of our scholars who have given the following advice. They say when you have a sin that you are engaged in,

01:45:37--> 01:45:52

you are trying your best to come out of it, but you are falling back into it, you are trying your best to come out of it falling back into it. One of the ways of tackling it obviously is to increase your good deeds, so much so that your bad deeds will become automatically decreased.

01:45:53--> 01:46:36

When you increase your Salah, your tilava yo yo condition of Oulu, your Vicar your goodness, you're going to the masjid you're attending the Islamic lectures or talks or lessons or the schools and what have you. So your good deeds have increased so much and your Vicar and what have you has increased automatically your bad decreases. When you do not have enough good deeds, your bad deeds increase because you now have time in the day to do those bad things. Now, this is a very important lesson for all of us in anything and everything we do. Increase your good deeds and you will find your bad deeds decreasing automatically. If you read your five Salah in the masjid every day, you

01:46:36--> 01:47:12

will find it difficult to commit adultery, it will be not easy for you to go into the gambling and casinos it will become difficult for you to waste your time on the phone because you are worried about getting up for salah and I want to get to the masjid 10 minutes before the time of salla Allahu Akbar, then are you going to waste your time? No, it's cut off, switch off the phone put it away. They see what if it is an emergency, they will call you on the landline. That's what they used to use many years ago. When I hear the landline ring at my home, I know it is an important call. Because those who have your landline number or those who need to have your number.

01:47:14--> 01:47:52

Allah God does goodness. I hope landlines work. There are some countries they're not even worried about landline anymore. You ask them landline, they just you know they give you the typical Asian headshake. You know, just you don't even know whether it means yes or no. And you don't even know what they're trying to say Allahu Akbar, Allah grant us goodness. And really May He grant us the love of one another for the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So here we are, we have spoken for more than an hour on how to live happily ever after growing in marriage. And we have addressed the real challenges that are faced by society and community today. We have spoken even we have touched a

01:47:52--> 01:48:31

little bit on those who have more than one wife and what they should do and what they shouldn't do. And as I said, the reasons we made mention of this is because it's a reality on the ground. And even those who might be contemplating remember, that spouse of yours has a heart, that spouse of yours is a human being, they may feel this way. That way, if you are not ready to rise to the challenges of trying to assist that spouse of yours to accept what you have done or what you are doing, then you don't deserve to have done that. And you do not fit into that league. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness, you'd rather live happily with one woman than to live really from pillar to post

01:48:31--> 01:48:58

with another one or a third one or a fourth one. May Allah subhanho wa Taala assist all those who have taken the step in that direction, and all those who perhaps would like to take a step in that direction, my sisters, that is something very challenging, but at the same time, if you rise to it, the goodness that comes out of it sometimes far outweighs the few challenges you might face in trying to accept it. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us every form of goodness.

01:48:59--> 01:49:11

Seeing that this is the last talk that I have for this particular series of 2012 year in Sri Lanka, I'd like to spend a few moments still mentioning one or two points that I have actually jotted down.

01:49:12--> 01:49:13

We have

01:49:14--> 01:49:53

some something known as a false promise in marriage with people promised their spouses the world and then they do not deliver. That is a very big crisis. You tell your wife you know we will live together for one year and after that we get our own place. 10 years have passed. We have more than the people we had in this home in the home. Where is my privacy? What is going on? I have my children now. Your brother is married. He has his children easier. Sister is married husband they are here. The other brother is getting married. They are planning to live here. Where am I stay? Allahu Akbar. My brothers and sisters. These are challenges that we face. Perhaps maybe not in this

01:49:53--> 01:50:00

country always. But I know in countries that I visit and even where I come from, people make false promises. We will get you

01:50:00--> 01:50:16

We will do this I will take you for home or we will go on holiday every year. Don't make these big promises if you cannot fulfill them now Allah subhanho wa Taala. Miranda's goodness me he opened our doors and really I am very humbled to see the large crowds of people that attend. I'd like to

01:50:17--> 01:50:57

extend the my gratitude to those who have arranged this you know we have a team here known as the a team does a common law for all of you may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant you all goodness and all the brothers and sisters who have attended this evening I have kept you much longer in this venue where as you can see brothers have been standing as long as I've been standing. I was about to say you know, sorry for having kept your standing but the reality is I'm also standing so inshallah, for as long as my legs are still on the ground. I think inshallah, I hope and I pray we have benefited, as I said, there are points we have discussed this evening, which are points that are real, they are on

01:50:57--> 01:51:40

the ground, we face them, there are challenges, and this was a means of letting you know how, through experience and through the little bit that Allah has given us, we would be able to move forward in Sharla in a way that would result in us living happily ever after. May Allah grant that to us. Until we meet again next year. if Allah wills we say was Allahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Subhana Allah he'll be Hamdi subhanak alone will be a shadow Allah Allah. Hi lanta, Mr. Furukawa to blue lake. Simone lectures we see sl hub.com. again next year if Allah wills we say was Allahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Subhana Allah he'll be Hamdi subhanak alone will be

01:51:40--> 01:51:48

Hambrick shadow La Ilaha. illa Anta Mr Furukawa to blue lake. For more lectures, we see sl hub.com