Dealing with Difficulty #23 Haraam Relationships

Many people develop a relationship with the opposite

sex

and don't realize that it is a haram

relationship

because it crosses the boundaries

of what Islam has taught. Yes. Interaction with

the opposite sex is permissible

within certain limits.

But to flirt and thereafter to slide into

the DMs, and thereafter to start saying inappropriate

things, to promise someone I love you. I

love you too. And so on. I miss

you. I take care of you. I do

this. I do that. And then this person

says this, and that person says that and

so

on. That's brewing a relationship

that probably will end up in a lot

of sadness

and perhaps

a lot of anxiety or depression

at times.

Because anything

that is planted

with a haram seed

would germinate

a tree or a plant

that is equally

wrong.

May Allah Almighty protect all of us. So

it's difficult because young people, boys and girls

get to interact, they get to meet with

each other. Many of them promise each other,

I'm gonna marry you and so on. And

they end up using one another.

And end of the day, they throw each

other out. And that's it, the end of

it. And who struggles and suffers?

More so, the females suffer more than the

males. But sometimes the males suffer too.

The reason is,

emotionally

a woman may get attached.

A girl may get attached. Be careful.

A lot of the times what's being said

is actually not genuine, even if it sounds

very, very genuine.

And sometimes it may be genuine to the

degree where the guy does actually

care for you. But the way he is

dealing with it is not in the pleasure

of Allah. And therefore,

it won't end up in marriage as you

wish or you thought. Because firstly, maybe he

can't even afford to be married and the

hadith says,

whoever is able, capable should get married.

Not able, not capable. Secondly,

the parents

may never agree. And that's why I tell

people, do not develop a haram relationship.

And if it does ever happen,

then it better be someone whom your parents

would really be

proud of the fact that that person's come

to ask for my daughter's hand in marriage.

We're not condoning it at all, but if

you are going to tell someone to speak

to my father, let it be a person

whom your father's gonna be proud of.

Your father's looked after you for years decades

and he's provided for you or your mother

or your family members. They've provided for you

and taken care of you. Why would you

make such a big blunder as to spoil

everything

on the last leg of your

living in with them?

By bringing in someone whom you know is

a disaster.

Nobody is going to agree. Nobody would want

to look towards a person of that nature

at times.

However, there is another problem. Because of the

haram,

if it did go in that way,

because of the Haram, sometimes Allah

doesn't want it to continue beyond a point.

So he doesn't.

And the sad part is when you've been

used in the sense that it's become

deeper

than anything. It's it's reached the limit.

Zina was committed.

If that's the case, then wallahi to come

back at times is very,

very challenging.

In fact,

it may cause lots of anxiety, lots of

hardship and difficulty. All I can say is

seek the forgiveness of Allah for indeed he's

most forgiving, most merciful, but it will definitely

have an impact

upon you. Because you know deep down, you

know what? What happened here?

And this person came in and they promised

me x y and zed. That's because you

were also a part of it.

You allowed it to a degree. No. But

they promised me, but you allowed it to

a degree.

You were told already. Don't believe the promises,

especially promises made by young guys. A lot

of the times they are just hot air.

So you need to be careful.

We want to deal with the difficulty of

this haram relationship

by either by making it halal or by

cutting it out. There's no third option.

You have you have to cut it out

or you have to make it halal.

If you're going to cut it out, it

comes at a price.

Sometimes people say, oh, I'm very sad. How

could you cut me out? You know, we

developed a relation for so long. Now you're

just cutting it out. That's another way of

keeping it going on and on and on.

There's no closure.

You can slice it for the sake of

Allah. And if you do slice it for

the sake of Allah, let them deal with

the withdrawal.

Allah will help them if they turn to

Allah. And if they turn to shaitan, they

won't be helped. And with you, Allah will

help you. But whenever a cutting comes and

the blocking comes, it needs to be a

clean

slice off,

over, gone for good.

And then I'm not worried about what's going

to happen to this person or that person

because they were not worried when they were

developing a haram relationship.

They and if they really wanted, they could

have taken the halal steps, be brave enough

to come and bold enough to come and

say, listen, I got to know you Alhamdulillah.

I'd really love to get married to you

and I want to take this forward and

take it forward.

But for someone to keep promising, to keep

dillydallying, to keep saying things, a year passes

or a few months pass, a year passes,

2 years pass, and so on. You know

what? They're playing you. That's what they're doing.

May

Allah strengthen us.

Many people when they develop a haram relationship,

especially

in

the subcontinent

and even in some other places,

they exchange

pictures of each other. Sometimes,

may

Allah protect us. They end up exchanging nudes.

And when they do that,

they become enslaved by that particular person.

Even if you send a one time view,

some of these young guys, what they're doing,

they take an image of it, sometimes they're

playing with your emotions completely. I know of

people who've then passed those images around the

whole school,

And I know of people who've then,

passed them online, and sold some of this.

And I've dealt with cases where people were

so suicidal because of what happened to

pictures, images,

sometimes video calls or audio calls that were

recorded by the other party that happened to

be inappropriate completely.

Unbelievable sometimes, but people do it because they

fall in the trap of shaitan.

Today we are here to say, do you

know what? Protect yourself.

Haram haram relationships come at a price, and

at a that price sometimes is a bit

much.

You end up sometimes

far worse than where you started. So as

much as it is a little bit difficult

to get married nowadays to decent people,

but it's there. And there are still a

lot of good people on earth. Keep trying

and Allah will open your doors.

Don't compromise your relationship with Allah for your

relationship

with someone else besides Allah.

Don't compromise your relationship with Allah for a

relationship with another human.

More so, don't ever compromise your relationship with

Allah for something haram that is displeasing to

Allah. Imagine

Allah has a connection with me. I'm cutting

that to connect with someone else. Where am

I left? I'm left in the hands of

shaitan. That's exactly what has happened.

So in order to protect ourselves from this,

we must ensure and make sure that we

stay

in a way that is befitting

who we are

and what we should be doing.

So if you want to have a relationship,

make sure it's upright.

If you want to get to know someone,

make sure

some of your family know and those who

are your guardians

are a part of it, then inshallah you

won't go wrong. They won't be able to

mess with you. They won't be able to

play games with you, and only the serious

ones would come in. You know what? I

require marriage.

But my brothers and sisters, haram relationships come

with a lot of tragedy because sometimes

people then wonder,

should I tell

a spouse that is that I'm going to

be marrying

that I've been in a haram relationship before

and so on? The truth of the matter

is if you've repented and you've turned back

to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala

completely,

In that particular instance, you don't have to

say anything because Allah has already wiped it

out. It's not there. Allah has wiped out

the sin. It's gone. You're a changed person.

Completely different.

However,

many people make a mistake. They are proud

about their haram relations. They openly engage in

it. They talk to all their friends about

it. Then it's more difficult to come back

to the path sometimes. Because even if you've

changed, a lot of your friends would probably

repeat that, oh, you were like this and

you were like that, and you might end

up,

you know, people might end up knowing all

of this, whom you didn't really want to

tell. But that is a part of the

problem. And this is why we say

abstain from it. Be strong if you need

to cut it a clean-cut and Allah will

mercy.

mercy.