Channel: Moutasem al-Hameedy
Family matters conference, Durban, South Africa, March 2015
4 shapes: choose one – don’t rationalize, just choose (Psychological basis and explanation)
Circle, Square, Triangle, The letter ‘Z’ – Character Analysis
Circle – a person who loves change and improvements and are leaders. Easy minded
Square – good with numbers and angles. Most accountants, audits and managers
Triangle – people who are willing to make it to the top no matter what.
Z – Motto in life is “I’ll do it my way” – or the highway
No choice – Afraid
Ibn Al Qayyim – A person who doesn’t know him/herself does not really know Allah.
If you don’t know yourself well you don’t have a good relationship with Allah.
Carpenters use wood, Blacksmiths use iron, Doctors study human beings. One wouldn’t visit a carpenter who didn’t know much about the trade. One needs to have a good understanding and knowledge of their raw material to be good at their jobs.
What is the Human beings’ raw material? Your raw material is yourSELF. Use this self to attain Jannah. Allah has entrusted this self to you to create mastery of yourself and offer it to Allah on day of judgement.
What do you know about your material? We know about the people around us more than we know ourselves. What a pity to live through life when the person you know the least (yourself) is the one you spend most time with. This is because our eyes face outward; the hardest place to look into is one’s self. Many people scared to find out who they are – they can’t even be alone – can’t live or spend time with yourself.
Ibn Taymiyyah was asked – I wake up at night I don’t know what to do – I can either pray, read Quran or do random dhikr.
He replied – general answer is: ideally praying at night is the best of these three (praying, reciting Quran and dhikr all in one)
Then read Quran then dhikr
BUT if you are naturally motivated about reading Quran then it would be better for you than praying at night. Or if you find your heart more in dhikr than the other two then that is best.
This is based on self-knowledge.
Allah wants us different and wants our worship and way to Him to be different – the path is one but the lanes are many.
Allah says in the Quran – the ones who strive for our sake we will guide him to our ‘WAYS’
We are all different and we need to recognize our own raw materials. Don’t try to mimic your favorite Shaykh you might be setting yourself up for the Fire.
This can be seen with those who are so dedicated and the suddenly flip and gave up Islam, as they were walking around in borrowed clothes because you didn’t follow your own way.
‘Each one will be facilitated and will find his way easy into what he was created for’ trying to follow someone else’s way is being ungrateful. Allah is wise and purposeful, embrace yourself. Everything is designed for a purpose. Nothing is random. Allah has purposefully designed you in a way so use these ingredients and make something worthwhile.
Your way to Allah is to do what you love. It doesn’t have to be something hard or that drains you – I shouldn’t be a suffering. The purpose for which you were created is something that you will love doing. Your passion and drive will go toward doing that specific thing.
Khalid Ibn Waleed- How many hadith did he narrate – some say only 3 were narrated from Khalid Ibn Waleed. What is the reason – busy in fighting for the sake of Allah, he was designed for battle and for jihad and military strategist. He realized this was his track to Jannah – higher level in Jannah than becoming a scholar.
Our relationship with Allah is like business. We should strive for good return on investment – we can only do this if we know ourselves and then capitalize on our strengths.
In Contrast – Abu Hurayrah never stood out in battle because he realized his strength was in learning and narrating ahadith from Rasul (saw). The companions of Rasul (saw) understood themselves well and therefore made masterpieces of themselves.
Knowing oneself is a sweet journey – don’t live someone else’s life. Your life is tailored specifically for you by Allah!!!! Do not shun the gift Allah has given you. If you have gifted someone with a perfume and they gave it away, you would not feel good. So why do it to Allah.
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
Let's play a game.
I'll give you four shapes, four shapes, and I want you to choose one of them. Now, don't rationalize about this. Don't try to be intelligent. Just choose the shape that stays at the forefront of your mind. Okay? You just find some connection for no good reason with that kind of shape. Okay. First is circle,
triangle, and Zed letter. So we have a circle, square,
triangle, and Zed letter. Okay.
How many circles we have? Please put your hand up if you chose circle. Don't be shy. Well.
Brothers Hi, were your hands Hi, where I can see them.
These are the only circles okay sisters, Masha Allah, Masha, Allah, okay, circles, are you by the way, there's a psychological basis for this. Okay? So trust me, if you chose a circle, and you didn't put your hand up, even those who didn't put the hands up. If you chose a circle, then you are a person who usually loves to change things. You love change. These are usually the leaders. They love to improve things. They are flexible about whatever is around, okay, so they're easy minded.
Who chose square?
Okay, okay, more brothers and sisters. Okay, squares are people who good with numbers. The good with angles usually they grow up to be accountants, audits, and managers hands on managers. The scary type of manager.
Okay, who chose Nothing?
Nothing. Okay. Okay, triangles. Put your hands up, please. triangles. Put your hands up.
The percentage is very low brothers. what's what's going on? Okay, now more triangles. Okay, that's scary. Sisters, triangles, triangles, triangles. That's scary, too. Okay, triangles are people who are willing to make it to the top no matter what. In other words, I'll get there. Whatever it takes, even if it means moving people. Moving people out of my way.
Okay, who are these? zeds? Don't put your hand up. Don't let anyone see you. Especially your friends or your spouse. Okay, that was a joke. zeds I was joking. By the way. That's probably the best one. Yeah, no more hands up. Yes. Yes. Zed. Zed.
Okay, anyone put their hands up twice.
Okay, sisters Zed.
Mashallah, that's very good. Okay, most dads among the brothers that makes sense. Will the for the those who choose Zed their motto in life? I'll do it my way.
And sometimes my way or the highway.
Okay, this is a practical example. By the way, there is, as I said, psychological basis for this. So,
okay, who didn't choose anything? Honestly, who didn't choose any of those shapes?
Who didn't choose?
If you didn't choose? There's also an interpretation for this, by the way. So put your hands up.
Those who didn't choose.
Okay, you're just too scared.
Okay, the psychological basis for this, roughly the research shows between 60 to 70%. It really hits reality, and sometimes it misses. So it doesn't have it's not definitive, but it's a very good indicator. This is a practical example of a way to know more about ourselves.
Liam has a beautiful statement. And he says this statements so often in his books, he says, and please mark this word.
A person who doesn't know himself. A person who doesn't know herself
does not really know a lot.
A person who doesn't know him or herself
does not really know Allah in other places he sometimes mentioned, like with a small modification, he says someone who doesn't know himself or herself, how could they possibly know Allah?
That sounds a bit strange and a very extreme kind of statement.
Now, I make a contention that if you truly don't know yourself, well,
you don't have a good relationship with the law.
You might think you have a good relationship with a law. But truly if you don't know yourself well,
and I'm making this contention I'll and I'll try to defend it.
If you don't truly know yourself, well, your relationship with the law is not in good shape. As simple as that. I'm so positive about this.
I'm definite about it.
Now for carpenters, what's the raw material they deal with?
blacksmith? What's the raw material? I am a doctor.
Human beings human biology and physiology? Yeah. Would you go to a doctor who knows very little about human physiology and biology and medicine? and drugs?
I won't do that. Would you go? Or would you get a carpenter to do some work for you who doesn't really understand so many things about wood types of wood what's good for what you want? Sorry, you want you usually do this. The same applies to all professions. So for a carpenter to be a good a good actually, handyman or craftsman. And for a blacksmith to be
to do good pieces of work. And for a doctor to be a successful doctor, they need to know the raw material they are dealing with. Now my question to you is, as a human being that is traveling through this journey of life, what is the raw material for you?
What is your raw material?
If you have an answer, please throw it at me. What's your raw material?
Your raw material is yourself. Allah has given you yourself, okay? You have control over yourself for a certain period of time. And you have to use whatever Allah has put in this self
to make, or to make it to the highest rank possible in Paradise and save yourself from the hellfire. So that's the story of life. Allah has given you a self, Allah has created itself, and he's given it to you if he's interested you with it for a certain period of time. So you have to utilize it, use it.
Okay, to as raw material, and make a masterpiece out of it. So you will offer the smart puppet master this masterpiece to Allah on the day of judgment and based on it, he will give you your results. He will place you somewhere either in the Hellfire are in paradise with all the different ranks. So that's the raw material. So what do you know about your raw material?
Let me give you a shocking fact. We know the people around us more than we know ourselves.
We know our friends, we know our parents, we know our siblings. We know our children, more than we know ourselves. What a pity to live through life. And the person you know the least is the person you live with the most yourself.
And it's not a joke. Surely it's not a joke. And the reason is,
our eyes face outward.
So we know things about the world. But we don't see inside we don't see within. And the hardest place to look into is yourself. So many people are scared to look into themselves to find out who they really are.
It's scary. And this is why people like if you say there are certain people if they sit by themselves for five minutes, they just go crazy. They say I have to listen to something I have to watch something I have to be with someone I have to turn on TV, I have to check my email, I've checked Facebook, Whatsapp, etc. And if they sit for five minutes by themselves, they just go crazy. This is a very bad sign that you can't even live with yourself. You can't spend time with yourself.
Your best friend should be yourself. And if you're not friends with yourself, you're not doing well in your relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala.
One day a person came
How is this practical? A person came to me asking him a question. He had an issue. He said, You know, I wake up at night and I don't know what to do with my time I have three options. I can either pray pmla, or I can
read on. Or I can just do random Vicar. I can just say some panel handle law kabbalistic federal law, etc. So what is best?
And I want you to listen to this answer from someone who really understands himself and understands human nature. He says, well, there's a general answer, a very general answer, but I'll give you a specific answer for yourself.
The general answer is
he said, ideally, praying at night is the best of these three, that's the top of the list of the list. You pray at night because within within the prayer you're standing before Allah subhanho wa Taala
you are reciting Quran and you are making the so that's the best you can do.
Second comes reciting Quran because these are the words of Allah subhana wa tada reciting the words of Allah and third comes random.
if you are naturally motivated, you are more passionate about or you find your heart more in recite and on so you feel absorbed. Okay, you just find yourself there is so passionate about reciting Quran and you really enjoy it. This is the this is the top of the on top of the list for you. This is the best option for you. It's better for you than praying at night.
And if you find your heart in random Vicar more than in reciting Koran, and praying at night, then you should focus on this that's the best option for you. That's the best route for you towards a las panatela.
So there's no general answer. What is it based on? It's based on understanding oneself? So how can you give yourself a federal hero? How can a Mufti or an Imam give you a fatwa here, he needs to know you. This is why usually I have a problem with fatawa that fatawa shows on TV. People truly truly people don't need fetch where people need advice. Because if you give a fatwa to the wrong person, it's basically the Mufti or the Imam usually gives a fatwa based on his understanding of him of himself, or his assessment of the situation. But he doesn't have all the details. So he's gonna give you what he feels is best for himself. He's making analogies thinking, you are similar, but people
are completely different. Allah created us different. Allah wanted us to be different. Allah wanted our ways to him to be different. With the way to Allah is yes, one but it has so many lanes. And that's what Allah Subhana Allah says in the Quran, when levena had rufina la Deanna home, su bolena, the ones who strive in our ways, or who strive for us of our sake, we shall guide them to our ways he didn't say way. He said ways. Because, you know, each one is different. A lot doesn't want us to be like, mass production kind of thing. Yeah, we just we all similar, we're not robots. Allies put something different in me than he puts
than the things that he put in you in her, etc. So we're completely different. If you don't recognize your raw material, you'll try to make
you'll try to make probably
what a create a bridge for cars with wood.
And usually doesn't work. You need iron here, because you know the raw material, you know what it's used for. So you might actually mimic your shave your Imam or someone you admire, and you try to be like them, and you think that's the best investment in your relationship with Allah. But actually, you're setting yourself up for failure and maybe to the hellfire. So scary. And there are so many examples you see of people who've been righteous have been practicing, especially the young brothers, like 510 years, they're practicing the hardcore, they praying the five daily prayers in the masjid, and the old doing Vicar all the time, and they're so strict about certain things so
meticulous about the implementation of something, and all of a sudden, they flip.
They don't want to pray anymore. They don't want to come to the masjid anymore. And some of them actually leave Islam. I've seen people who have completed half local on the half of half of the year, and they gave up Islam altogether. They gave up Islam altogether.
Why? Because they didn't recognize the raw material. So they were trying to do something that was suitable for someone. So basically, they were walking around in borrowed clothes.
And most of us fall in this. You're trying to be like probably your mother or your father or your local Imam or the Mufti or the certain Darya who's, you know, so attractive and so probably charismatic. And you think well that's what I want to do. But maybe Allah created you for something else. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, Could you learn more? Yes, sir, on Lima Haleakala who, each one will be facilitated, or will find his way easy, and will glide easy into what he was or she was created for. So Allah designed you for something, don't try to do something that Allah designed for someone else. That's ungratefulness.
Allah subhanaw taala is always he said, Hakeem.
And Al Hakim are wise wisdom means putting everything in its right, place everything and doing things on purpose. So everything is purposeful, like a leaf that falls of a tree, here in Durban, in South Africa, at a specific moment, was designed to grow at that specific branch and fall at that specific moment, on a specific spot, and this integrate into its basic ingredients. And all of this was written 50,000 years before the creation of the heavens and the earth. And Allah designed it for a purpose, the very breeze you smell, or you inhale at a specific time was meant for you specifically, and for a purpose. It's not random.
The water that you drink, water molecules that you happen to drink, were designed to be used and for a reason, we don't know what it is, because wisdom is way beyond our capacity to grasp.
Because Allah doesn't do things randomly, by the way, nothing is random, no matter how minute it is, everything is purposeful designs. So the way Allah made you, your makeup was not random.
was not random. Allah created you and gave you that kind of psychological, physical, mental, emotional make up for a reason. And Allah, may God designed you to be born into that family, for those parents, among those siblings, for a reason, is not random.
So we live in an ocean of wisdom, but we just don't realize we want to be someone else. You see someone who's succeeded, someone you admire, and like, Oh, you want to be like that you might not stay tuned with your tongue, but you actually, you desire in your own heart, I want to be like that person. But Allah already has a plan for you. He he designed something for you. And he gave you all the basic ingredients for it. And he gave you the time. So all you need to do is manage those ingredients and create a good product and present it to the world but be authentic.
In it to be authentic, most of us. Most of us are not truthful to ourselves when not truthful to Allah subhanho wa Taala.
And do you want to know what you wait to Allah?
Do what you love.
Wow. That's a taboo. Yeah. islamically This is a taboo. If you're doing if you're enjoying, we know what you do for the sake of Allah, there's something wrong with you. It has to be hard. It has to be something that you truly suffer with. Something that drains you. Something you don't love doing. Oh, that's what Allah loves. That's not what Allah loves. When Allah designs you to do something, you will find your heart in it. You will find yourself you find you have so much passion and drive towards it. When you engage in it. You'll just forget the whole world. You'll feel paradise on earth.
Hi, Harley Davidson worried about the Allahu anhu who's Harley Davidson worried? Let me check.
Is he is he a designer from South Africa?
Okay, how to do it? Yeah, the companion, the military leader. How many a hadith from the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam Haldeman regenerated. He lived for about four, three and a half four years with the prophets of Salaam very close to him. How many Hadith degenerate.
Anyone has a clue
how many Hadith Haldeman Walid narrated
in the books of Hadith some some researchers, you know, did the investigation and they found only three Hadith
So why didn't call him narrate more from the prophet SAW Selim?
Why was he busy in the military and fighting?
He was the best man to do this does that
cause him to leave, he realized that he wasn't designed, he wasn't created to be a person of knowledge who would carry the knowledge and convey it. He realized his capacity, his strength, you know, he has a bent for military for military expedition. He was a military commander.
So for him, he realized this was the fastest track to paradise. And by capitalizing on his strength, where he has a head for, he would secure a higher level in paradise than if he had spent his time studying with the Prophet sallallahu. And he said it would have been good. But that would have been that but that actually was better. And that's what he chose. So he didn't read so many a hadith he just happened to narrate three Hadith because he was there he happened to be there he narrated them. But what did he do? He invested his time, he understood what Allah made him have.
He understood what material Allah has created him have, he realized what Allah put in him. And he made the best investment. Allah describes our relationship with him in the Quran, our relationship with Allah in the Quran as T Jara business, we're doing business with Allah.
Like, if I tell you if you go into,
into the business of computers, okay, the revenue or the full of the the net profit you're going to make will be probably or the return on investment will be 20%. But if you go too, into, for example, human development, the return on investment will be 70%. What would you choose? Both are open for you. You choose the 70%. That's the logical conclusion.
And if you choose the 20%, for no good reason, you just made a bad decision, you're going to put probably more effort and more time and more investment, but the return will be less. So that's not a wise decision. So most of us actually do this with a loss penalty.
Because we don't know who we are. We don't check the numbers. We don't find out what's the return on investment? How can we really realize that the biggest return on investment by investing his time and his talents would be in military expedition? That's exactly what he did. He figured out what kind of person he was, what was he made of? And he actually capitalized on this. And he made it he became safe ally is sort of a last pinata.
In contrast, Abu hurayrah Have you ever heard about taking part in a battle? He did, but he never stood out in this regards. Because it wasn't his business. It wasn't his area wasn't his string.
But he realized his strength was in,
in learning the Hadith of the Prophet Allah memorizing it and teaching it to people and spreading it, documenting it. So he made a very wise decision to love not oma in the hotbar but on the other hand, was the same thing.
So, the companions of the Prophet SAW Selim understood well, what was best for them, they understood their material, their, their, their fabric, they realized what that was the raw material, and they made masterpieces with the lives and we are supposed to do, DJ did exactly the same.
The DJ was exactly the same chain. She knew what kind of person she was one day after the death of their son al Qassam. Obviously, her DJ gave birth to Al Qasim, the first son for the professor Salah boy.
a few months later, the Al Qasim passed away.
Khadija as a mother now, Phil for her son, and she just said to the prophet SAW them expressing her own emotions. She said, I really wish he could have you know, stayed with us for two years until I I'm done with breastfeeding him. The prophets of Salaam said he will be breastfed in paradise. That's the plan for him.
And I can ask Allah and allow can show I can show you that now. Allah can give you a glimpse into paradise. And you see how your son is being taken care of. She said no, I believe in that. She wasn't demanding.
She wasn't demanding. She realized that she could actually do all the work behind the scenes. This is why she she didn't appear in public. She wasn't really celebrated for everything she did, and all that stuff. Because she realized she had she didn't have that, that love for attention and for recognition.
So she made the best of what she had.
Her wealth, her character and her influence, and her sense of initiative. And she used that perfectly. She made excellent use of that. And she helped with that a lot of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
No England's self is probably the sweetest gentle journey you can ever take. Don't live someone else's life. Because if you do this, you'll be ungrateful to Allah. Allah has given you something Allah has designed, imagine Allah has designed something specifically for you, specifically tailored for you. Okay? Imagine someone has, has gone out of their way, and went to like the best tailor in the country. And they've, like designed some clothes specifically tailored for you for your size and for your taste and for air specifically for you. Yeah. And then they offer you that kind of uniform or dress so or clothes. And you take it and you put it, you keep it in the
you keep it at home, you don't use it or you give it to someone else. And you go and worse, some clothes that were tailored for someone else. How would that person feel about this? If I give you some perfume that I really think that you like, you take it and you go and give it to someone else? Or you don't wear it at all? I'd feel something in my heart. So what about Allah has given you yourself has designed it in a way specifically for you that's unique. No one is like you allows design designed us so uniquely, okay for a reason. And he's given you this self, to make the best you can do with it. And there is so much potential you can do.
And then it takes someone else's example, someone else's raw material, and you think that's for you, you go ahead and follow that example.
So this is the reason sometimes you might say, Oh, I want to prep the MLM you do it for a few days for a few weeks, then you give it up.
Why did you do this because you don't know yourself. You're trying to push yourself into something that you are not ready for. So you're not in touch with yourself. your self always gives you feedback. It's an organic active entity, but we usually suppress it for the sake of the norms. We usually suppress it for other people's opinions, we usually suppress it for other people's tastes. We want to appease other people. We want people to accept us admire us approve of us, Allah approved a view you don't need people's approval. You don't sell yourself for a cheap price. How can you do that most of us are guilty of it.
Be what Allah designed you to be, Be true to Allah as gift to be true to Allah. Find out who you are.
the father passed away and he was a rich man.
And the their like share of the inheritance was a small house.
And his father said I left you something in the house that is special for you.
So he searched in the house and he found this old dusty box.
It looks so dirty, old. Okay worn out. And nothing's really, it doesn't seem to be a great thing. May Allah forgive my father? Why did he leave that thing for me? I thought it was something better.
2030 years passed by the person was about on his deathbed about to die.
Then out of curiosity, he just wants to say I've never opened this box. Okay, so let me try his so he tells his young son go and open that box.
So he wasn't really grateful for his father because he thought his father didn't really give him something special.
His son goes and he opens the box. And lo and behold, it's gold. It's full of gold. It's a treasure.
This person is on his deathbed.
On his deathbed,
how would he feel he's never been thankful to his father because he he had this treasure, but he actually never had it.
Allah has put in you a treasure.
But you never bothered opening that book, that box and finding out what Allah has given you. But you're looking at what other people have, what other people possess. Can I take extra two minutes? Okay, something just occurred to me. It's a symbolic story I had a few years, about 15 years ago and it changed my life truly changed my life. There was a man in a poor country. He got married and he realized he couldn't really support his
Family financially, I'll just try to cut it short. So he went to another country to work as a laborer a hard work. So he put a plan, he said, I'll go and work hard.
for 10 years, I'll save some money, then I'll go back home, open a small business and survive and provide for my family and rest for the rest of my life. He goes, he works hard a couple of times during the year, he goes back to his family by sea, because he can't, it's hard for him to afford the ticket or the plane ticket.
10 years later, it's time to go back home.
So what he does, he transfers all the money to his family, he keeps a small amount that is enough for the ticket by sea. And just to like, buy little, some some gifts and some food on the way.
He goes and buys the ticket. And for his surprise, the price has gone up exponentially.
So he says why is this price they said that's the price you want to take it. You don't want to just leave him.
So he said okay, I have no other choice. And the ticket actually consumed almost all of his money he has had left only just little change left.
So he goes on the ship on board. And first day what what he does with the rest of the change, he buys some, some food cans and some some biscuits just to survive, just to survive. Nothing really. Like it's not even healthy food. But he said okay, these are, it's like a 10 day journey. I just need to survive and eat biscuits and tinned food and I'll be alright.
So he goes to the upper deck.
And he sees people going into the restaurant and eating the best food and he would torture himself just staring at them, seeing them munching that food and enjoying it. And he, to his dismay, he'd go to his cabin and eat these biscuits and for 10 consecutive days. On the last day of the journey.
He says, Well, I've got very little change. So what I'll do, you know, my family will ask me, How was your trip? How was food? You know, during the trip? I don't want to lie. So at least I'll just get a taste of what was in the restaurant. So I'll choose the cheapest dish on the menu. So he walks in, and the waitress sees him. He says Oh, so I haven't seen you before. No, no, I've been I've been here for the last 10 days. Obviously. He's got any