Love, Pornography and Islamic Marriage

Mohammed Hijab

Channel: Mohammed Hijab

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I want to start off by giving you some statistics because I think that's a good way to kind of get a grasp of the sociological statistics, or the situation in the West.

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So the truth is,

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according to BuzzFeed, which is one of the organizations that deals with

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analytics

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99.5%

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of teenagers under the age of 15, under the age of 15, have, according to this viewed some kind of pornography in their lives.

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99.5 30%

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of those who view pornography in the Western world, including in America, and these places,

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are females.

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That's 30%,

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which is a growing number.

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The average for someone to have intercourse or relationship for the first time, the average age is a mean age of 17.1 years, for a male.

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And about

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18 years for a female in this in this country and other countries, like in the West.

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The point being is you're dealing with a monster, you're dealing with

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a fire, which cannot be extinguished.

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Easily

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the industry, the pornography industry,

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the prostitution industry, the ESCO industry,

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the pseudo institutional boyfriend and girlfriend relationships is too big for you to break, and you will not succeed, and we will not succeed in just telling our children

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to be patient.

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just telling our young ones just be patient, it's not possible, we've come to that conclusion now, statistically,

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it's not possible.

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It's actually unfair, in my opinion, it's a kind of torture you're putting them through.

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You cannot say Be patient as an indefinite thing. You have to say, Be patient, and then put a time period, at least in that equation. Be patient until you finish your education. Be patient until

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you're 18 years old, be patient until and give a reasonable time period. So the advice to generation one

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is that you need to we need to now think about our strategy. Because the old strategy of waiting for this prince charming, who has the best job.

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And the biggest

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bullet,

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that is not a successful strategy.

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It's not a successful strategy, because that person might never come or he might, he might come after a very long time. And all the things have happened to your daughter and or son.

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Already, it's too late now.

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And they become unmarketable, in fact, corrupted. They're not interested in marriage, because they're getting what they need from elsewhere other than marriage, and you've lost your child in a sense, because there is a gateway to all kinds of fiscal and Haram.

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And it's a gateway to

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leaving the dean actually, because it is a very potent and powerful thing. And the emotion of sexual drive is one of the most aggressive emotions in the human

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physiological composition.

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So I will say to you Be careful,

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be careful.

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Do not expect that which cannot be expected, but at the same time to generation to

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generation to have to have reasonable demands as well. Can't be some kind of 16 year old, who still not self sufficient, doesn't understand the value of hard work.

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And you just, you know you're in a relationship now how long relationship and then you go to your father, or your mother, or both of them and say, you know, we want to be in a relationship. And I want to do and

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this is also unreasonable. This is an unreasonable proposition. Because you haven't shown that you're willing and ready to take the responsibility of marriage.

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You're not ready yet possibly. You could there is there is a situation where you cannot be ready for marriage, you're not able to handle that responsibility. You're just in love and love is a very powerful emotion.

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And that's why the value system is in place in Islam. The value system is there to protect you young person from yourself.

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Because the well you can see what you can't see. Your father can sometimes see

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what you cannot see,

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especially if exploitation is to do with it.

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Allah subhanaw taala he tells us in the Quran

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that the reason for marriage

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is so you can have a partner, Lita, schooner, Eliza

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and he says, well, Jaya Bina kumada Tawana

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that you're meant to have, the relationship of marriage is meant to be one where you're meant to find tranquility in your partner.

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And Allah subhanho wa Taala, he is the one who will put between you and your spouse,

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my word, love and mercy, and Rama.

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Allah subhanaw taala has allowed that as a natural thing, love is not something which we despise in Islam.

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And we saying don't love your partner and these things, No, in fact, Allah has created us as creatures that are in need of this emotion and in need of companionship. But it must be done in a safe setting. And with the right structures in place.

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So what I say to the young people

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is that you have to also understand,

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you cannot feel as if

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you can get away with

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any relationship before marriage, because you know, the first humiliation will be a dunya humiliation.

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You'll be humiliated in the dunya you'll be hurt. Love is a very powerful thing.

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There's a woman called Helen Fisher.

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She's a anthropologist, social anthropologist. And she deals with

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love. she deals with love she, she actually MRI scanned, you know, she MRI scanned

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people who are in love to see what kind of data she could collect.

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And she found some really unusual findings that people who were in love

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had the same part of the brain

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activated,

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which would be activated

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when people are addicted to cocaine.

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And the same releases are made like the same secretions

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are made. You know, dopamine and oxytocin and these hormones are secreted from the brain when someone is in love. So that person is an addict. If you have now someone who's a 16, or 17 year old, who's in love, I'm sorry, but we cannot trust your judgment as a rational one.

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That's why we need the Willie in place to help and harnessed your addiction. The wealthy can sometimes decide that you are too irresponsible for this commitment. But the wealthy must also realize that if this powerful addiction

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is left untethered and unharnessed,

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they can, it can go out of control.

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If you look in the sociological environment,

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at people who are addicted to cocaine,

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or heroin, or these very heavy drugs,

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it's a difficult rehabilitation process, to say the least, incredibly difficult. It's not like marijuana,

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which I'm hearing in this country is going to become legal soon.

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Why is money

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I want to do

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you see, it's not like that it's much more difficult if you're addicted to cocaine or heroin, it's much more difficult to disconnect from that. And according to the research of Helen Fisher, and when you're in love,

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it's that same part of the brain

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which deals with addiction.

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The robots called the reptilian core.

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The reptilian core of the brain is like a central part of the brain,

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which

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which is activated when you're in love.

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So hey,

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we must have a strategy in place.

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A strong strategy in place to deal with this.

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I would say the first thing people need to know is rationality is important before you get married for the young people.

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You need to have your rational faculties in place.

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And you need to be careful with this emotion of love because you

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If you're struck with love, your love struck, you have become unable to

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make decisions, rationally, your emotion will invariably take over your thought process and your cognitive faculties, you will no longer be

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able to make a informed decision.

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And actually spiritually islamically it can lead to a kind of shift actually an association with Allah subhanaw taala In my opinion,

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a lot smarter assessment and estimated mean to rely on data in your head bounnam cabela Valentina Ave a shadow Bonilla, that there are certain people that take a side God and dead. And that is like an it is, is a false god, that they love, love them, like they should love Allah.

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But those who believe are more strong in believing in Allah than those individuals. What does this mean? One of the conditions of a betta is that you should have ultimate love to Allah subhanho wa Taala should have ultimate obedience, ultimate fear, and ultimate love to Allah subhanho wa Taala that you should not love anyone more than you love Allah, and then his messenger after that.

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But some people because it's

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the environment is so open now.

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They get into these, I will call them addictive relationships. And this emotion, the emotion of love becomes a feature of that relationship.

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And then they start doing exactly what their partner tells them to do,

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even if it's completely against Islam. And that's how sinner happens. By the way. It's one of the main ways, Zina fornication and sexual intercourse outside of marriage happens. Especially this is how, and there is some statistics to back this. This is how many women agree to that. They agree to the to it not in a vacuum, a woman is not going to be told, I mean, they've done many research on this. A man is different to a woman, by the way, Danny physiologically. So if a woman goes to a man, if a woman, very good looking woman goes to 10 men or 100 men, and she says, Would you like to have Sorry? Well, there's lots of kids here.

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But you know, we have to say this.

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Just to get the point across Would you like to have intercourse tonight? And this has been done. There have been studies that you know, social experiments and actual studies.

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And the man could say like, you know, 70 to 80% of recipients, because all candidates could say yes. Go ahead. No problem. Just like that. But a woman is not that easy.

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is a woman is statistically Annie is she's not that easy. She's She's not going to do that. Even if she's a bigger biggest atheist. She does not believe in God don't think that it is because she isn't. This is a misconception. Some people that come from the west, I've seen it suffer a lot. I've seen some people that come from the knowledge region. Yeah. And then they come to London, and they think all women are prostitutes. And

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you know, they think every woman is a prostitute.

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It's not like that, the woman is not going to agree to give herself a body, you know, in a vacuum like that. So usually happens in the context of love. So a woman

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shall start to develop a kind of attachment to a man and then in that context, since now she's attached, he can tell her what to do. Whether a man is telling a woman what to do and a will or a woman is telling a man what to do in a relationship which is either premarital extramarital, or marital.

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And that thing is against the Sharia of Allah subhanaw taala that know that you aren't in it, because you could be going into that [???] category where you're now taking the love of the other person as higher and beyond the love of Allah subhanaw taala

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and that's what you have to think about.

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Because why are you obeying someone based on the love you have for them, and disobeying the creator as a result of this?

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Like the Hadith says letarte mclucas, Mr. Seattle Holic, there is no obedience in the creator to the creation in the disobedience of the Creator.

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But people fall into that obedience because they have this emotion taken over them. We need to have seminars and we need to have awareness, we need to raise awareness

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on this very powerful addiction of these powerful addictions.

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The addiction of love

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because this addiction could lead people to more corrosive and problematic and corruptive elements, or directions and channels than sometimes

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it does addictions to drugs can lead them to

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it can lead them to those that directions. So we need to be very, very careful with these things. Because a lot a lot

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Love to exist in a marital relationship.

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So it's not a bad thing.

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But people need to know how to deal with that emotion, just like they need to know how to deal with their sexual desires. But we have to be realistic. And this is what I'm trying to say to you. Because we are human beings that are prone to those things

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are prone to love are prone to desire

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and relationship.

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Therefore, it must be balanced. And that's why Subhanallah the institution of marriage

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is the harness that harnesses all of these emotions, you know, Freud, Sigmund Freud,

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you know, the psychologist of the 1900s, early 1900s.

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He struck a really interesting parable, which was very similar to a hadith I read as well. He said that you have to control your emotion as if you are riding a horse.

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And he, you are the horse rider and the horse represents your desires.

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And he says that, and he called it the ego and the super ego, and he had this whole theory of it. But the idea is you have to be in control

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of the direction you're going in, your uncle has to control your health.

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your intellect has to control your desires. And interesting because the word achill itself comes from Carl, who comes from this word, which means to tie a horse up, interestingly, you know,

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to tie a horse up from the head and to control the horse going left and right. This is what the article is. The article is when you use your emotions.

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When you use your actual, your intellect to control your emotions, which is why Subhanallah you know the Hadith

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of the Prophet Mohammed sideloaded. He is mentioned as a Muslim, where and this is a very popular Hadith that is, I think misused a lot of the time. But it's interesting here,

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where the Prophet says about women that that

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nakazato occludin.

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Wait a minute, a lot of people say is a sexist Hadith. What's going on here? You know, a lot of atheists and Is this a sexist Hadith, but it's a very powerful Hadith. And people are not looking into it properly. Because it doesn't say that it doesn't say that nakazato alamuddin.

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If you thought about this, the HUD It doesn't say that they are not consulted Alma Dean was talking about women, the prophet said that they have a deficiency and arkell.

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And Dean.

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Now what does this hadith mean?

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Why didn't he use the word island?

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Because alcohol is the ability to use your intelligence, or your rational faculties to control your beastial desires.

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And what the Prophet is saying is comparative to men.

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Women can sometimes have a lesser ability to use their rational faculties in order to direct their

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whatever is the direction of travel. It's not saying that they're less intelligent in the in the sense in the sense that they have less knowledge. It's not the case.

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He's just saying that women can sometimes act more emotionally than men.

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That's all I say.

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Which is why it makes sense for a woman to have a family and the man does not have a Willie for marriage.

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It all adds up. And if you think about David stove, he wrote an interesting piece on this. He said that it's not a controversy. And he wrote he wrote in his book, so there's no controversy and this guy's an atheist, he's not Muslim. It is not an it's not a controversy at all to say that rationality is obscured for women in certain cases. Even Simone de Beauvoir,

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the writer of second sex, she is a feminist, that one of the heaviest feminists, she says in her second chapter of her book, biology, she calls the chapters biology, she says there's no controversy, she says herself, women are more emotional than men.

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No one disagrees with the fact that women are more emotional than men. Which means now there needs to be special protection. And that's why Allah and the messenger have allowed now for this wealthy system to, to, to be in place for a woman, especially because exploitation can happen.

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And if you look at Helen Fisher's

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studies, you'll see that women have a higher

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propensity to fall in love than men. Because of the maternal instinct, and these things they do.

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They and you know what, this is something which is written about by someone called them warfarin, he talks about the fact that women

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are much more. For instance, they love romance, it's not a stereotype. It's not a social construct. If you look at the sociological environment, you'll see that women are much more into like candy love novels 90% or 95% of all the

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Love novels are written are read by women.

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They love romantic things. And these things lie It's not. It's not a social construct the data shows us that women are into these things. So what that shows from that sociological perspective is that women are

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possibly can be deceived by some men, especially at a younger age, which is why the willingness to take an active role,

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especially with women, and this sounds anti feministic. But we don't care because Islam in some cases is anti feministic. But we have the data and the evidence to show why and how that is the case. And how feminism sometimes fails. And sometimes it doesn't give us the solutions to the problems of the world.

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But you see, here's the point I'm making.

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The point is, there are systems in place in Islam, which are very much

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deliberate, and to the advantage of all the parties that are involved. Do not mess around with these systems. The Prophet Mohammed Salim, he gave us a very important potent advice.

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So Dr. Marcia Bab, he said, Oh, young people, he says whoever can of you

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to get married, get married, if you can't, then fast.

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This is what he said is the advice of the Prophet Muhammad Rasul Allah.

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He didn't say just wait and be patient and finish education, get a house and these things know, the prophet himself, look at how much how many times he got married. So look at this, how about how they would get married, and what ages they would get married, let's be real about this. Don't get married at a young age. And they'll get married very frequently.

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Very frequently, they wouldn't wait around, to commit Zina. And to put themselves in that situation. This is not the way of the Prophet and and the, obviously the Sahaba they would, when they found the opportunity, okay, they will take the opportunity. So we need to make it easier for people to get married here in this country. And in the West, generally speaking.

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I'm not saying now this means all the young people, you know, demand from your fathers, you know, and your and your families, that you know, you get married and these things you might not be ready, you might the father might have a genuine reason why he's stopping a marriage from taking place, he sees that you're completely overtaken by love and these things and you need to come down, for instance. But at the same time, there might be a situation where the father needs to look at the lesser of two evils. Half of the rain is to look at this and this.

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And you might you might you have your will is stripped of you sometimes you'd be surprised, because I wish I could come into the picture. Mmm. And then the two people go to say, look, you know, we want to get married and the father was stopping it, and then they do it, whether you like it or not, because that allows it to happen. And we say this person, the relay is stripped because they're stopping the marriage and this can happen very easily. So it's better for you to continue to maintain it in your control, Danny, in my opinion, because no one in Islam has as much power to stop all of these things from happening.

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You know