Improving Relationships in our Lives

In Al Hamdulillah Muhammad who has done you know, what's so beautiful a study? Why would we lie to Allah? I mean surely and fusina women so you Dr. Molina, may you had to Hitler who fella Malala what made you a little further ahead, yella wash hair do hola Ilaha illa Allah who had the whole luxury color wash How do I know Mohammed Abdullah he wants to wasafi you home and being a healthy hero How do you know? Bella resell at our Adele Amana Taiwan also Holly had the hill OMA salatu salam Wa la

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what Takala haliaeetus. And whenever you allow him in Hola, hola, que en la cumbre Kiva. My dear brothers and sisters, the month of October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

And

every year, activist specialists Mental Health and Family.

Family Therapists, marriage and family therapists, as well as well aware Imams and pastors, they bring this topic up, and they talk about it

to spread awareness. Now, some may feel that, oh, this is not something that I can relate to.

How

big of a deal is it?

For this to be the topic of Joomla for an entire day to be dedicated for this topic. While it's a big deal.

It's very unfortunate.

And for those who may think that many of these

stats, and studies don't apply to the Muslim community, the unfortunate reality is that

it may not be as bad. But it's bad. It's bad enough that we need to bring awareness and talk about it according to the Department of Justice. More than 830,000 men

are victims of domestic violence.

And more than 1.3 million women are victims of domestic violence.

And of course,

most cases may not end up getting reported.

And maybe

men are more reluctant

to report a case

when they are victimized than women. As a matter of fact, I remember myself mentioning a story of how someone came to me and was severely

wounded emotionally, right as well as physically.

And when the audience found out about

the person that caused that injury, people started laughing

when I didn't think it was a laughing matter.

So we need to really look into this issue.

Because we should be one concerned with not only combating these kinds of diseases, and social ills

and bringing them to the surface and dealing with them and tackling them but at the same time we should be concerned and we should put our effort and our resources into preventing them.

Look at the root causes. So today in the hotbar I'll talk about what Islam taught us how Islam taught us to behave

especially in our marriages. Right? And then tonight inshallah Allah will continue the discussion inshallah and our Friday, Friday night program where they lie to Allah so you're all welcome and invited to join us inshallah.

First and foremost, brothers and sisters.

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam teaches

has to make a good choice.

Choose carefully. Choose the person that you marry. Choose the person that you accept, to be married to.

And in the hadith is the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam stated the fact that women are sought for multiple things. Attraction,

wealth

status, then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam emphasizes on the fact that forbidden Deen Terabithia look for someone that has Dean

has an understanding of her role and her relationship with Allah subhanaw taala someone that fears Allah azza wa jal

and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also was the same man that said and instructed families and women to only consider a someone who has Dean has manners.

And Jack woman Tarragona, Dina, who were Holika who were very wise Dina, who am Anna taboo.

Someone that has a dean has the Amana integrity, someone who's trustworthy. Al Hassan, a man came to him and said, Who should I offer my daughter to? Or who should I marry my daughter to? He says, a tepee. Someone who has Taqwa of Allah someone who fears Allah someone who is aware of Allah subhanaw taala he says in a heartbeat ha Kurama ha. If he loves her,

then he will honor her

way and carry haha and somehow if he doesn't like her or love her for some reason, if there is, if they don't, if they lose their emotional connection, let me have lifted you will not wrong here because he fears Allah subhanho wa Taala he knows that he will stand before Allah azza wa jal didn't have to answer. Brothers and sisters,

there is more than one approach to this, I can stand here and tell you about the rights of men and the rights of women. I can tell you about the rights of husbands and the rights of wives. Or we can look at it differently and talk about our obligations and our duties.

Very often when we talk about rights, and we put so much emphasis on rights, people walk out of lectures and seminars.

With their ego boosted.

They are emboldened they go out to the sea. They say Did you hear what the Imam or the chef said? Rights, I should be demanding my rights. As a matter of fact, he remind me of certain rights that I forgot about. It has been a while since I you know last

exercise or enjoyed that right of mine.

Right. Or I can stand here and instead and remind you of your duties. Because on the Day of Judgment when we stand before Allah subhanaw taala brothers and sisters Allah will not ask us about our rights.

And I'm not by any means telling people to give up their rights and not stand up for their rights and the rights of others and demand them and defend them.

But if you're concerned with what Allah subhanaw taala is going to hold you accountable for

if you're concerned with what you are going to be asked about,

if you are concerned about making it out of the day of judgment to Janna, then you must fulfill your duties.

As a matter of fact, if you give up some of your rights of your forget them. Allah subhana wa Taala will not hold you accountable for them. As a matter of fact, you will be rewarded

if you give them up for Allah subhanho wa taala.

But if you neglect,

if you fall short,

any when it comes to any of your duties, then Allah subhanaw taala will hold you accountable.

Brothers and sisters,

this beautiful religion of ours

whether it's in the in the Quran, or in the prophetic tradition, laid out our duties

and told us what is expected from us. And again, I'm emphasizing more on the marital relationship.

We will insha Allah to Allah soon talk about the rights of parents and the rights of children. But in a marital relationship,

it all starts there.

It's a mutual relationship. You're not forced or you're not supposed to be forced to be in it to begin with. Something that you choose to do some mutual contract,

build a roof over and over in the Quran. Allah Subhana Allah mentions this

and because we also have

I have to protect and save family and family values.

Because if we destroy this relationship brothers and sisters a very critical relationship, Allah azza wa jal talks about this bond

that brings a man and a woman together, and he calls it me theft and Haleiwa. So sacred covenant is a sacred covenant

and it ought to be respected and honored and protected and fought for.

So ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada Allah in the Quran makes it very clear that the very purpose of marriage to individuals coming together, it's not only about fulfilling our physical needs, and our emotional needs,

but it is rather to find something that is greater, something lofty.

Allah azza wa jal says it is to find second or sukoon

will mean it and it is one of the greatest signs of Allah subhanho wa Taala Ana's greatness

will mean 80 of his sign has is Allah subhanaw taala will mean 80 of the signs of Allah subhana data, the great signs of Allah subhanho wa Taala is the fact and Haleakala come in and fully come as a geologist. It's a fact that he created for you mates of yourself

different gender, but your,

your the same creation. You're the same species.

Lita school Allah and Allah subhanaw taala made it very clear that the very purpose of this relationship and this marriage and this bond is that you can find peace and tranquility.

And the peace and tranquility that is found in a marital relationship in a legitimate marital relationship will not be found anywhere else.

Because it's not only about the emotional part, but it's something that is even greater, which is the spiritual dimension.

So many people are fixated on the physical or the sometimes emotional pleasure. And those who do not have connection with the spiritual pleasure, they don't realize that they're missing out on the greatest of all pleasures.

So, when that that component is present in any relationship, it takes it to a different level.

It takes it to a different level. So Allah Subhana Allah reminds us to remember that first is one of the signs of Allah subhanho wa taala. Second, the purpose of it is to find serenity, and peace and tranquility. Then Allah Subhana Allah said, Well, yeah, Allah

and Allah Subhana Allah place there are two components to very important and essential ingredients, my word Rama, passion and compassion, love and mercy. Without which, right the relationship will be a living hell.

And this is not something that we take for granted or just expect to happen on its own. It's something that we need to be proactive about.

One of the greatest ways to prevent abuse.

And anything that leads to it is to make sure that you choose someone who is capable of providing these two components.

Someone who can be compassionate, someone who is loving the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam advice.

You know, he said to the men, and what dude elude someone who is loving

someone who is caring? And how do you determine that? Well, it's very hard to determine for sure, but you can look at the size.

Examine how that individual is dealing, right when someone proposes to your daughter. When you show interest in someone, or when you're told about someone, consider a person who is at peace with the members of their household with their siblings and with their parents.

Make sure that you

go after all for someone who cares about their family members.

I'm just saying that and I know that some people might say wait, chef, I mean, this is really not fair.

You know, what are you talking? You don't know what my family is. Generally speaking, again, there are exceptions, but generally speaking, this is a good indication. So as you notice, Dr. DE hyrulean or puffy come, right, choose, choose carefully and wisely.

That's the first step

number two brothers and sisters. Remember what it is that brings you together with this other individual that you have in your life.

But remember the vows

very often when

I engage with individuals or couples who are running through some marital problems or issues. Sometimes I just randomly asked them this question, what were the terms of your marriage? They're like, Oh, they start talking about some of the terms that were in the contract. I said, No, no, no, no. What were the terms of your vows? What did you say? What made this person halal for you? What made this lawful and legitimate for you go back to the words that you had to repeat. It took a second or two like it took a few seconds from you. But what were what were these words? Believe it or not, unfortunately, in most cases, people don't even remember when they said, perhaps maybe

because they were nervous, perhaps because they didn't really care. Or they didn't examine these words. Right? Then I have to remind them, wasn't it something to the effect that I accept the hand of this person or I give you myself what I give you this this person in marriage in accordance to the book of Allah and the tradition of His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, they're like, yeah, yeah, something like that. I said, What is it? Let's analyze that statement. The book of Allah, upon the book of Allah and the tradition of His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam reminded men of being kind and taking care of and protecting their

women. So Allah having this fear Allah and in your treatment of women, the prophets have said and said fair enough from here reminded them they know gonna have to Munna be Kelim. Atilla you have taken them by the word of Allah.

You use you invoked Allah Subhana Allah to Allah's Name.

This is the only thing that made this halal and legitimate for you. This is the only thing that gave you authority or gave you privilege. This is it. This is it. Became Atilla you invoked Allah's Name, feigned Akuma has to Munna be Kelim. Atilla was salad to and fro Jehovah be Kalama Tila by the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala is a sacred covenant. Go back to that statement that you uttered that day.

If you really meant it, in the name of Allah upon the book of Allah, and then and in accordance to the tradition of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, they're like, Yeah, that's it. That's it. Okay, what does the book of Allah say?

In a case, similar to your case, or in this kind of situation of yours? What does the book of Allah say? What is the tradition of the Prophet? And I don't want you to selectively read it, I don't want you to cherry pick or to, you know, choose whatever is fits your agenda? Or you're right, what does it really say? Have you examined

all of the verses, and the passages in the Quran and in the prophetic tradition, that talk about your duties, and the rights of the other person before you start demanding your rights.

The end Akuma has to Mohana we can imitate Allah.

So remember that, and the least I think couples should do. And I urge people to do this before they get married. And after they get married. Let's study the basic flip of marriage, the basic fact of marriage. Many people go into this marriage and they start this great and very critical and important institution without even understanding and knowing the basic teachings of and the basic cam rulings of marriage.

How is this household going to be established upon the book of Allah and the tradition of His Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, if the actual basic teachings of the Quran and the prophetic tradition are not understood, and remembered, and don't wait until something goes wrong, and then bring the verses and bring the Hadith to use them, right? But rather make this a commitment. So I urge families, teach your children before it's too late, teach them before they get married, I teach them and remind them and give them material and resources as they are getting married. So they understand what they're getting themselves into. This is serious business. Children come out of

this, you know, this relationship, a whole family, maybe a whole community is going to be formed.

It is very essential. It's very important to look for something that is authentic, and that is balanced at the same time to help this couple understand what they're getting themselves into. And once you get married, don't don't many of us say well I can I can write a book about marriage. Mashallah.

Right? I can tell you all about marriage, but really have you? You know, I remember talking to someone that that started studying a chapter in Soho books and he said, All these years all these decades, I didn't know.

Such statements existed. The Prophet SAW Allah Allah is and many people don't know that the Prophet of Allah salAllahu Alaihe Salam himself had marital problems. Many people don't know that when the Prophet

Salma Hayek was selling them had issues. The Prophet SAW Selim consulted people, he sought counseling in his a messenger of Allah who has an open line of communication. Nowadays we have men and women who say that up, I don't need to consult anyone. I don't need any counseling. It's the other side. It's the other person that needs some help. I'm fine.

Right? Well, you still need counseling because obviously you're not able to convince the other side that needs help to go and get help. So maybe you need counseling on how to convince the other side and get to them right.

The messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam consulted and in one case a Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam consulted people who are younger than him, Ali and Osama

because they were the most appropriate for that particular case. But some Allahu Allah will send them all the Allahu anha This is the messenger of Allah seeking counseling. He didn't say I don't need counseling, I don't need any help. Right.

So

examine that. Look into it. Right. And then number three brothers and sisters. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave a golden advice. It was given to men but it applies to both the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said

to help us change and improve or our attitude, life Rockman Amina.

A believing man should not hate or resent a believing woman.

In circles, I mean her whole coddled him. And

if he is not satisfied or happy, if you are ticked off by something, one quality, one aspect, one element in the relationship, perhaps you may find satisfaction in something else, she can't be all bad. He can't be all that. And this advice applies to both. We very often are fixated on the one or two or three or four or even 10 issues that we may have with this individual.

And we forget what brought us together at the first place. We forget why we're still in this relationship. Right? We forget.

And we complain and we make ourselves miserable. Because again, we're fixated on that one issue that we're having problems with, or that is that we find to be challenging, or that we hate. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said don't hate that person. Let these believing men not hate they're believing wise just because of one problem or one issue one character or one quality. Because there are other things that you can focus on look at the positive.

Considering your life before

or without this individual, and I know some people say they joke about it. Wallahi I have seen people joke about this, right? Oh my life you have no idea how great my life will be. At least I'm not gonna have this I'm not gonna have that and Allah azza wa jal tested them

with the loss of that person in their lives. And I've seen people cry, and I've seen people throw themselves

on the casket

of the significant other or on their spouse. Let me be very clear are their spouse right? And cry and beg them for forgiveness?

And in my heart, I will say it's too late. They don't hear you.

I'll conclude by this by saying this brothers and sisters and we can inshallah continue the discussion later tonight. Insha Allah Tala the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said, right? And sisters, I want you to hear me carefully. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Are you a Moroccan man that was rolled in and had a little Jana.

Are you a member of a tin man? That was oh, you had all the non duality agenda. Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her and satisfied with her will enter agenda I asked Allah subhanaw taala to correct to grant you and I Jana Allahumma Zoopla Jana toma Carla Wally Hammond cloning Mohammed Akula the thought was so thoroughly welcome. First of all, we have Villa come in the hole of water right.

Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Isla de La Nina Sato that brothers and sisters one of the duties of a believer Be it a man or a woman is to protect preserve himself and his family from hellfire. Yeah, you have lady in Amman aku and Prusa como Alikum. Now don't wanna hold your hand as well. And Allah Subhana Allah to Allah said that the losers are those who come on the day of judgment and they lose their families. Well in ill health care in a lady in a hospital and foster home or Hidemi

On my piano, family is one of the most precious gifts of Allah subhanho wa Taala we need to take this gift seriously we need to honor this gift and we need to preserve and protect and fight for this gift I ask Allah subhanaw taala to preserve and protect our families and to bless our spouses and our children or better hablan I mean as far as you know the reaction or purity or even cleaner mmm ABI the law in the law say