Friday Night Specials Open Q&A Marriage and Divorce

Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam

so, you know, as

tonight we have a q&a session Shala where I present two or three depending on the time,

two or three minutes or you know, situations or

questions and try to give an answer

and then open the floor for questions from from you from the audience in Charlotte. Is that, is that okay? Okay. Cool.

Should we start with with marriage or divorce? Let's start with marriage first shelter. So, a question can a very interesting situation or question or contemporary?

I would say

scenario that, that comes up, it's not very frequent, but it comes up.

Is is? The question will be asked like this is virtual Nika or marriage contract? Allowed or valid?

Have you ever heard that before? Yeah. Okay.

Now,

before we answer that question, because it's not it's not a simple yes or no.

Right It depends on what you mean by virtual what is the medium that is used right?

We must first say that Nika or marriage contract is up meaning a contract it it has some requirements in order for it to be valid. There, you have our can and then you have shuttled. Right. Then there are of course, suelen, Mr. Abadi, you have our card Arcana are the pillars, meaning if one of these pillars or elements of any contract is missing, then there is basically no, no contract. Right? Or if one of the other can these elements, these very essential components of of a contract is invalid, then the whole thing becomes invalid.

Okay. Now, on the other hand, you have you have shuttle shuttle, what are the conditions, some of the conditions are binding and conditions are binding, but some of the conditions are unnecessary. Now, conditions if they're missing, or if there's something about some of these conditions, that that needs to be corrected, it does not invalidate the whole contract. But that condition has to be what addressed, it has to be fixed.

So it's very important to make a distinction between these two types of components of a marriage contract or Nikka.

So what are the pillars or the essential components of a marriage contract?

Number one,

right.

The two individuals,

right, the bride and the groom.

They both have to be of sound mind, and they have to be able to be married to each other. There should not be anything with any one of the two parties in involved in this marriage contract coming together to be married. There should not be anything with either one of them that invalidates

the marriage contract, they should both be off. They should both be sound.

Right? What do we mean by that?

For instance, if one of the two parties

is, well, if they are Muharram of each other

no matter you don't look at any other elements of the Nika then he got his invalid automatically. It's invalid. It's anything that is based on it, everything comes to an end.

Right? If one of them is if the if one of them is not Muslim,

then we look at their religion, affiliation. If it's the male, then if the male if that person is not Muslim, then then he can or the marriage cannot take place. Technically, it cannot take place and it's invalid.

I don't care who says what are those umount on this? There's consensus on this. We look at the bride. She is not Muslim, then she iKey Tabea she from the people of the book. She

He's not from the people of the book, then then he can't cannot take place. And if it did, or if it does, then it's invalid. It's not valid.

Thank you. Tabea is what

Christian or Jewish, of South Sound moral standing, it can be any Christian or Jew as well has to be someone who was morally in the chase and an upright someone who maintains her modesty, because this is also very abused, right. So these are these are these are very important things to be pointed out. Number two is what is known as a jab jab is the offer.

And it's done either, you know, it's done by the representative of the bride. It could be her Willie or her Joaquin, her Willie would be her father, her brother from her father's side, her uncle, her grandfather from her, her paternal grandfather, or her uncle, her paternal, her paternal uncle, or paternal cousin has to be put on what is known as alpha. That's the Willie.

And it's sequential. If the if the father is not there, then the grandfather the grandfather is not there, then will haka, that's how it goes, right?

Or they will kill in the absence of any of a Welly, then she basically designate someone as what kid and that person would be.

Right? Either a relative who is of sound, mind and religion. Or it could be,

you know, a local authority like the Imam or the judge, if there's a judge, someone who is trustworthy, basically, that person represents her in the Nika right, she has to agree to it, or she has to basically designate the person. But that person basically is the one that, you know, metaphorically speaking, or literally, in many cultures, puts his hand in the hand of who, the groom up or the groom's representative. Because even the groom, in some cultures, in some cultures, it's not appropriate for the groom to be the one coming through, right? I don't know if that's, in some cultures, I don't know if you if you're, if any of your cultures, the groom is not supposed to be

anywhere near the father of the bride until after the NECA.

Know

until after the Nika Yeah, like for instance, in Harar, for instance, the groom should not be anywhere around. Yeah. And he he hides basically, both the groom highs and the bride.

I understand why the groom would hide, but you know,

it's so the groom heights.

Yeah, people have heard, right. Basically, the groom also has designated or killed

one of the elders of what his father, his grandfather, the elder of his family, or clan, would be representing him.

So number three is what is not so the offer. The offer is basically the person saying the wage dukkha or and catoca. I marry you so and so or I give you someone so in marriage, right? And it has to be very clear term.

The third

pillar is known as baboon, and baboon, basically, from the word cabal means acceptance. And it's a verbal statement that the groom or His representative makes, in clear terms accepting the offer of marriage. And upon doing so, whether the person is serious or joking, marriage takes place.

Even if they're joking,

for there's almost consensus amongst the scholars

that telepathy twinjet Donna Jadwal has Luna husband, whether you're joking, or you're serious with marriage, it takes place it becomes a marriage. And there I remember one time, I don't know if I've ever told you this. I remember one time I was standing there was you know, one of the elder brothers in our community. I was teenager at the time, you know, you know, lead elite throw away. So like that. I'm gonna say Allah, your daughter is so beautiful, yet his daughter on him, you know, and we were standing there, he's like, you know? And he said, pray that Allah Subhana Allah gives her husband like you said, I pray that Allah somehow gives her husband like you. I mean, I don't blame

her for thinking that back then. But

so I would like to so so I'm humbled by it. So so some of the brothers with me and by the way, she asked her was there too. He was he was in the line. So we were at a wedding. So one of the brothers he's like, why someone like him? Why not him?

He's like, Well, law he if he would accept her Yeah, honey.

We're saying

There were just who's in front of me,

shifts a lot slowly. Our teacher, Dr. Swanson was in front of me. So I turned around with a serious face. And he says, Be careful. Had he said meaning me? Had he said I accept. It would have happened. It would have would you have it? This would have been a marriage. Be careful. You cannot joke about these things.

Right.

So, obviously, I didn't say I knew it was a serious thing. So I didn't say yeah, all right. But the brothers were joking. So alhamdulillah

huh.

Oh, no, I know a story that happened with one chef that actually ended up teaching a person who was joking, like listen in his Mejlis, one of the scholars without mentioning his name one of the scholars something like this happened. And he taught that person and lesson, right?

For so this is something that we don't joke about. Likewise, by the way, divorce, you can't joke about divorce, a man cannot say to his wife, you know, what do you think about divorce today haha. Or send her a message text message saying you're divorced. And then after that, just kidding, April Fool's. No, you're a fool the divorce actually took place, you can't do that, divorce is not something to the word is not something one can utter or throw around.

Right. So, so, there is no joking about it. So, these are the pillars of the pillars of Seneca. Now, the conditions of the Nicca is the the consent of the Welly the the witnesses at least two or more sound witnesses, these are conditions that that validate the marriage contract. Now, when it comes to the jab in Kabul the verbal exchange of you know the vows I marry you so and so on the person saying I accept there is a condition that is part of it, known as it hadn't imagined this same setting, this this verbal exchange has to happen in the same space.

Time and or

space.

Right? Time and or space, it has to be in the same city. In other words, you know, someone cannot say to a person to a young man, mashallah say I marry you, my daughter, and then the other person has like a son, they're like,

no, no, and then runs away.

And then comes the next day, he said, you know, what I accept, it doesn't work like that, it has to be in the same city. While there is this clear, it cannot be it has to be in the same gathering or in the same Mejlis it cannot be a two different timeframe, it has to be in the same within the same time timeframe. Now, this is where it gets technically problematic for

non in person,

or virtual or any other medium Nika. This is where this call is contemporary scholars debated the standard fatwa of the fifth Council of the Muslim World League, and the hierarchy battle arena, the supreme body of scholars in Saudi Arabia. And this was back when they were asked about marriage or Nikka over the phone.

Right, is that it's not allowed because there is room for deception. And you know, you cannot basically verify identities of the individuals. This is the standard fatwa. However, if we further look at the situation, especially now, nowadays, we have to ask the person what do you mean by virtual Nikka? Are we talking about WhatsApp messages back and forth? No, that doesn't work. Right? Or are we talking about a video conference of some kind that is reliable, where identities of the involved parties can be verified? Right, where it is as good as an in person meeting. And my opinion, and based on the fact we also have many of our teachers and Messiah and reputable bodies,

like assembly of Muslim jurists in North America, that Nika is valid.

Now, whether you recommended or not, that's a that Nikka has valid,

right? Because if you can do

medical checkups on Zoom, all right, do doctors use Zoom or use something else?

Okay, or you have some specific medium

Okay, but what I'm saying is has to be reliable. And so if it's something reliable, like zoom, Skype or something, something reliable, where the person who's not using some artificial you know, write something reliable, where you can, you can verify the index the identities of the individuals, right involved in the marriage contract. If you can do

Virtual medical, you know, checkup or appointments. If you can do

trials, if you can do in a couple of days, a friend of ours has, he's defending his PhD. dissertation on, on Zoom. Right? So if a secured reliable medium, in my opinion would love to Allah alum and based on my understanding from our massage and our scholars, that marriage contract is valid. Right? And it can be done and Allah Subhana Allah knows best now.

So that's with regards to marriage. Now the The other question that came up with regards to divorce is

if a man and a woman if a couple get divorced, right, and then the divorce is finalized.

Alright,

can they re marry each other?

Can they get back together? Well, the answer to this question would be

yes, and or no.

All right. What do I mean by that? Yes. If this is the first or the second divorce?

No, if this is the third, their third divorce, and after that third divorce, she had not been married to someone else. In which case that that second marriage was consummated. Okay, what do I mean by that? Let's break it down. Number one, Allah Subhan Allah and the Quran says Allah Cammarata a man

found himself in a situation where he must or he had to divorce his wife. So he issues or he pronounces Talaq once to do follow up more than once is haram

is against the Sunnah is Koloff bidding, there is a whole debate about it. So I'm just going through the proper procedure. So he must say it once. And it must be during a period in which they were not intimate. And it cannot be during the woman's his wife's monthly cycle.

Which is something that many people violate when either in almost every single case that I do, there are very few people I would say 1% of the cases that I dealt with, they did it properly. These are all safety valves put in place by the Sharia, by Allah and His Prophet salaallah. I set them to protect the institution of marriage. So that when you're upset or angry, you know, you want divorce like it just like you have to contemplate and think about it and planning your marriage. Same thing with divorce, it cannot just happen right on the spur of the moment. Like you can't just you cannot you made that decision. Okay, fair. Wait, make sure that the period during which you pronounce or

you issue that a lot is actually valid is sound. And if you only do it once, right. And then let's say it happened again. So now it's happened twice, they can get back

right after the first or the second Talaq husband and wife can can can can reconcile, and their marriage can be reinstated. Now, if it's during the period, the waiting period that

the wives cuz you know, basically permission or the wife's consent is not necessary, meaning the man can say, You know what, I, I take you back or I go back on my divorce. So once a man divorces his wife or says pronounces a lot, it's not automatic. It's not like what we what many people grow up, grew up seeing in movies and dramas and stuff like that, where she's like, Oh, my God, I can't believe that. And she goes in, packs her

her stuff and her clothing and she she goes to her parents house. That's not how that that's how that's not permissible. They're still husband and wife, or she starts covering in front of you know, there are still a husband and wife. There's a there's a period nor can he asked her to leave.

It's haram not to create Johanna Mobutu, that's not allowed. They have to stay together until that does over nor what happens nowadays, nor can she ask him to leave. Oh, you divorced me okay, go get yourself a hotel. You can't do that they have to stay within the same place of residence right during the cooling off period or during the waiting period. Now, once that period is over, they cannot get back together unless they do a noon. So new Maha new everything brand new, like right. So if it's after the first or the second, they can get back after the third one. If a man divorces his wife three times the Sharia says that these two cannot marry each other unless she is married to

another man.

Right

And that marriage is consummated. And then that man that second man either dies, or divorces her.

So in other words, when there was one particular case where a woman married another man

and after the Nikka after the NECA, not Rosati not not the concentration of marriage after then he got he passed away.

Right before they were intimate. So the question was okay, now can she get back to their her first husband?

Well, we say, well, no, wait, first of all, who killed is the second has

suffered a loss and Rahmatullah and I shouldn't be joking about this.

The answer is no. Now she gets the MaHA the full Maha.

She has a right to inherit. She's one of the heirs now. She has access to his to his wife. But that second marriage of hers does not count to make her halal or legal for the first husband to take her because the marriage was not consummated. There was no intimacy. So she's still that that man her first husband cannot marry her.

Right? Well, this clear. So I hope this answers the two questions that I was dealing with over the past few days. Well, Allah Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Muhammad, Allah, Allah and He will send them to Seema cathedra. If anyone has a follow up question, or clarification, we're gonna go on for 10 minutes. But before we go on, and Charlotte, I want to say this, it's getting late. I think, a shout out during the summer. Starting next week, our Friday night program should be between multiple Asia. I was here for Maghreb and I was hoping so if you don't mind the Chautala starting next week, the program will start between Melbourne and shot so about 10 minutes after my arrival

after we pray Maghrib so around 845 We'll start the program and next Friday night we have a very special guest coming. His name is Abdul Rahman, a Susi. He is one of the students of world renowned audit and a scholar from Somalia from Qatar as well known as Rashid Ali Sophia Rahim on heavy Allahu Allah. Allah Sophia Rahim Allah the Father. So she has a daughter she is and he's an imam in Minnesota.

And what is interesting about what he has to offer us next week is

a history of the apparel art because he's he has the temperature on Earth right and you will hear samples of the variations in the Quran

right? So most likely also when he leads us in Salah inshallah he will be residing in different Quran so it's gonna sound different. So enjoy inshallah Allah and He will give give an overview of the various Pirata the 10 Pirot and the variations between those 10 playwrights so please join us for that a show.

That's between motivation show on next Friday night the show. Does anyone have any question or comment regarding Yes? Y equals salovaara

Somebody else

you said

what about the weather cold

yeah, okay. The marriage the contract is valid contingent on her approval.

Right. In that case

Yeah, or if she doesn't say anything if she doesn't really say or if she's not in a position to say anything she's like, I don't know. I don't know anything about this then then it takes place

or if she's silent

so what I'm saying is if she says no, no way on my dead bodies I'm like that's a different story. But if she doesn't say anything or if she's like I don't know or whatever right then then it's actually happened

yeah

yeah, yeah. Back in the days this was not expected but now it is.

You know, how lucky many many of us are

because because we got married long time ago.

Yes, beef

for Islam and before the revelations specifically before the revelation of the verses of Talaq, this particular verse at Allah Kumara, tan men used to divorce their wives, and then take them back,

divorce their wives, and then take them back. So she's neither divorce or

right. She's neither divorced and free to marry someone else. nor is she married. So every time there is an issue, or he wants to, you know, punish her or he would, he would, you know, utter the word Talaq, he would divorce her. Right. So Islam came and said, No, this kind of abuse of this power is not allowed. So be careful. We're gonna give you one, one chance, two chances. You say the third time. That's it? You can't have her.

Right? Unless she married someone else. And then, like the, it will be a reset. Right? So So now, it made men think twice.

Right? Oh, wait a minute, you know, I can't do this. I'm gonna lose this person. Right? And obviously doesn't say once because you know, sometimes it happens.

Right? Once or twice. But if it happens three times, then then that's it.

Right? So it's to prevent the abuse of this particular authority, power or privilege.

Yes.

Sorry. Ladies. Do you have a question? Yes. Sorry. We'll take a question from

Yes.

Okay, so let's take the first one first. Yeah, we lie is within the paternal side.

Wilaya. Now, let's say there is no worry from the father's side. Right? The only person she has around is her maternal uncle.

Right? Her mama? Right? Can she he can be her lucky his or her lucky.

But he's not an automatic Willie does that mean? But if her cousin of her paternal cousin is there, then the paternal cousin is the one that gives her hand in marriage?

Not her.

Okay.

The one with whom she fish? She basically shares the same family name. Okay. Now,

the second question had to do with what?

Yeah, okay, after the first or the second after the first or the second Pollak right? If the trade

ends if the waiting period or the grace period expires, which is three monthly cycles, right. So,

for a person that has regular cycle, if a woman does not have a regular cycle, then it's three months, three lunar months. Once the this period elapses or this period expires, then Talaq goes through the lock takes effect. And now there are strangers, if it's after the first or the second, if they if they let's say after six months or after a year or two, they decided to get back together

it will have to be a new contract a new Nikka marriage all over again. Right with with Maha and everything. So you go you redo the Nikka but if it's within the waiting period or the grace period or the cool off period or what is known as the ADA, right, if they reconcile during the reader

then there is no need for that all he has to say if anyone was aware of the clock is they will you basically they have to just inform maybe a couple of people or from the community or whoever's involved or their family members right say listen we got back together we you know we suspend basically the lock proceeding is interrupted so they go back but that will count against them. So that divorce will count against them or against him now I hope that yes

well, you're

watching

right

Yes, yes, it is in the conditions.

You see, remember that we said the Wali or the groom's even the groom's Joaquin, these are they represent the will of the bride and the groom. So to begin with the bride and the groom has to have given them

right consent or permission, right? Find me a husband,

find me a wife, or if they have someone specific, I want to marry so and so can you can you do that, so there has to be a power of attorney given

whether it's, it's like something that is given by default,

right,

because of the Sharia, or the order for the culture, or something that is actually done, you know, through through like a deliberate process. So for instance, in some cultures, the man will say to his father, or his father, if his father is not around will say to his uncle, you know, find me someone, right, or me, he may find some go twos, so and so's family, you know, and see if they would accept me as a husband to their daughter. And then basically, that person goes and speaks on his behalf. And if usually, usually, then it is the is the last part, the marriage contract is, after all these things have been done, the fifth bar, the proposal and the engagement and all of that, and

then the, you know, the agreement on the Mahara and all of that, so we're talking about the final step, which is the marriage contract. That's what we're talking about. So the assumption is that the individuals, whether it's the Welly, or the Akiles, or the person who's officiating the marriage, they already have the consent of the bride and the groom in place. Like for instance, here in the state of Tennessee, or even when I was in the state of California, people are required to bring a marriage certificate, marriage sorry, a marriage license,

and marriage license meaning a license from the county to say that these two individuals can legally get married

by bringing this license to me, which has which bears the signature of both the bride and the groom. By bringing this, they're already informing me that that I have their consent and whoever is representing them has their consent to actually proceed with this marriage contract.

So, so when the marriage contract or the marriage

license is brought to me, right, and I see and I verify the names and IDs and all of that, for technicality, for a technical reason, we usually ask the bride and the groom, but let's say the father of the bride and the father of the groom, both of them are there on behalf of their children to to to proceed with this marriage contract and there are at least two two witnesses. Then how long does it can it can take place? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, you see the contract can be initiated. However, right, it can be challenged as well.

Right? It can be challenged as well. Right. So

So for instance, can I give you an example, in something other than marriage? Let's say Nasim auntie, may Allah bless her.

Right? She decides to borrow to sell your car is the car in your name or hurting

but

is it in the unit okay. So let's say she decides to sell the car

or to give the car as a donation to the machine.

As she actually starts that she says, I sell this car

and then the person that that wants to buy or receive the car says I take it. Now, this contract has been what

has been initiated, there is now a contract there is a job, there is a verbal offer and then there is a verbal acceptance. Now, this person can make a claim to the car, but then when they make a claim to the car, right? We tell the person well wait a minute, this wasn't the actual owner of the car. This is the spouse of the owner of the car. Now, you can have this car at this price. If given that the owner

No approves us.

Right? So but the contract has started. Does that make sense? Now, if you come a new challenge and you say no, I don't give my consent, which is not something I would advise you to do.

Right, then then this contract can be invalidated. Or it can be void. Right? Yeah.

There is a whole debate about forced marriage and then there are differences of opinions amongst different schools of thoughts, but I mean, my stance on it and the sense of our Messiah is forced marriage is not, is not valid. Yeah. And there's enough ground to to undo that marriage. And then there are a lot of it's complicated, because let's say there was a forced marriage and then it was proven that it was forced marriage. It's what it can be undone. Right. And then

And then, you know, if there was Mahara and stuff like that, you know, you know, no, it's not returned if the marriage is consummated then the moderate the moderate stays, you know, so so it gets it gets complicated depending on that specific scenario will lock down Adam, Zach welfare Matt Allah subhanaw taala bless all the marriages that are taking place here in our community and elsewhere in the Muslim world, man last so how to how to bless the couples who are getting married during this summer? I thought he's Oh, you got a question? I thought you got married. Okay. You got a question? Oh, no problem solver. Okay, no problem. I mean, this is the best time to do it. Now.

He's not here. Just go ahead and do his dad. I got married. You don't need his consent. Does that go on? So let's conclude Inshallah, to Allah and I'll be around Shala if anyone has any follow up questions of how like Allahu Masha Allah Allah Headlands. Let's have a look on how to like we do have some very mashallah qualified Bachelors in the in the house. May Allah may Allah Subhana Allah grant them righteous wives. I think these these brothers need a new prescription. Or they need prescription glasses because they're not. They're not seeing anything. Zach, good luck.