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Tazkiyah 03 – Managing Anger
Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig
Series: Mirza Yawar Baig - Tazkiyah
File Size: 8.59MB
Episode Transcript ©
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And then I'm barilla salatu salam O Allah,
Allah Allah, he was heavy on Allah
today inshallah, that's good enough series, we will talk about the issue of anger
anger is an issue which is so widespread that we will actually have sessions and workshops on anger management and all kinds of things.
Couple of things I want to say before we go into looking at how to manage anger
first and foremost, anger is an emotion like any other emotion.
So, to say to somebody you should not be angry is nonsense.
Because it's an emotional end of emotion, if it happens, it happens
you cannot prevent it from happening, you cannot say it will not happen. And there is like happiness is like trying to say to somebody you should not be happy, makes no sense.
So, feeling of anger by itself is neither good nor bad, it's an emotion
what you do with the emotion is what makes it good or bad, how the emotion is expressed.
And this is an important thing to clarify and keep in your mind
emotions by themselves are value neutral
that are not a negative or a positive emotion. What do you do with that emotion is the issue for example, love is supposed to be a
but that love for somebody or something expressed in the wrong place or in the wrong way
can cause you neverending trouble
No, it's not as if love expressed anywhere and anyhow is okay is not okay. It has to be expressed in the proper manner in the proper at the proper time and only then it is okay. So, also with anger, to feel anger is firstly natural. Secondly, to feel anger means that you are intelligent because you know something is gone wrong.
And that something is something which is serious enough for you to feel anger.
So feeling anger is by itself is not a problem, what you do with that anger and that is why in English we have this phrase, losing your temper is a lost my temper. And that's what causes the trouble was you lose your temper that means your temper is no longer in your control.
So when you have lost your temper, then you say or do things which later you need to regret
later you will regret having done that read later you regret having said that and then of course you have to apologize and
grovel and whatever so it's none of that is pleasant.
So it's not feeling the anger but letting the anger control you.
Now important thing in terms of feelings and emotions.
Now we say in psychology, a feeling that you name
you control the feeling that you do not name or will not name controls you.
So if you are feeling anger, the first thing to do is to open up and accept that yes, I am angry.
You don't have to actually say this but to say it into reducer. Yes, I'm angry many times people go around No, no, I'm not angry. I'm not angry. I'm angry. I'm angry.
You know you're done your ways your x everything showing that you're angry. What do you say? I'm not angry? I'm not mad at you are angry we can see right? So the point is to first own up Yes, I am angry. number one.
Number two is to differentiate between anger for personal reasons.
And anger for reasons which are non personal. Other than personal.
For example, somebody breaks a law
and that makes you angry. This is good angle you shouldn't be angry. Why should you not be angry? Somebody is breaking a law of the country.
And user rights. Okay, how can we Okay, somebody breaks a law of a country it's not okay.
somebody does something against this lamp. It's not okay.
But somebody does something to you personally.
If somebody calls me a donkey, maybe the man never saw a donkey before so he does not know what a donkey looks like. Maybe it takes a longer looks like me. So the thing to do is to show him an actual donkey and see that there is no resemblance between the donkey and me. Then he will show us I didn't realize oh, this is a donkey so you're not a donkey yourself.
right. So that's all maybe it's that's all it needs, right? So the point is if somebody says something to you, and from this era we have so many beautiful incidents of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam
who never reacted, who never retaliated on anyone who
did anything to him personally,
we will have this misconception this aerosol never got angry. I will show you incident after incident after incident where he got angry. He not only got angry, he got very angry.
But every single one of those incidents relates to something that had to do with Islam when somebody was doing something which was against the deen.
But to him personally, someone throws garbage on his head. He does not get angry, somebody curses him, he does not get angry.
Personally, never. I never got angry, never retaliated against anyone who did something too impersonal. But something somebody was breaking the law of Islam
or somebody was saying or doing something which is against the deen Osama bin Zayed Al delana. One of resources and asylums, favorites have the sun have they been sabitha. Delano for a long time and deal has revealed the Eye of 02
they'd been David was considered to be the adopted son of Mohammed Salah Salem, he was called Red bin Mohammed.
And then of course a lot of other Wi Fi. And
that's how adoption and
taking the giving your name to your to some child who you are looking after in Islam This is not permitted.
So until then, this was this was permitted. And Oussama Ron who was the son of a beloved. So some they was almost like a grandson.
And he was somebody who was very dear to him. Now in talking about anger for the sake of the
disabled sama Delano Hassan later on.
towards his last days he appointed him as the commander of the army.
Some years before that he was involved in a in a in a
in a battle
he was fighting an enemy soldier.
And that enemy soldier resided the caliber in the course of this encounter. The man said I'm Muslim husana Raja lonoke killed him anyway.
Now, somebody saw that, and they reported revisionism and they said Osama killed the Muslim
soldiers and called him and he said, Did you do this? So Osama bin Zayed Al Anwar, he said jasola he just decided the karma but he was not sincere.
I want you to think how many times do you see this is what people
will see near the cine?
he's not sincere is near is not good. So what it is, um, is there is or the law know what it is. He said as he said the governor was not sincere. Now he's got so angry.
His blessed face became red with anger. And he said you wet the inside is hard to see whether he was sincere or not. He said you opened his art to see whether his Nia was sincere or not. And you open desert and examine, Jelani Donnelly, who narrated this Hadith, he says that I wished that the Earth would open and swallow me. He said the Prophet Allah, Allah, Allah was so angry, he was so angry, and he repeated this again and again and again. You went inside his heart, you went inside his heart, you and inside is that again and again and again.
He said, I wish I was dead. He said, I wish the Earth would swallow me. I was so sad that I had done this
anger for the sake of the
man. On the other hand for himself.
Quite apart from the various incidents. We know. One of the very major incidents of this era is where Hamza Delano was killed by vashi. Delano. But when was he given accepted Islam sort of accepted?
He forgave us.
He did not he did not, you know, refuse to forgive him. Even though he was he had caused him personally so much of it. So much of it.
When we when we because he loved his ankle so much his ankle was a great supporter of his blood. his ankle was his
He was on he was like a companion to more than uncle, his uncle by relationship but there was a series
so anger for personal reasons and anger for the sake of
the dean or even anger for the sake of public reasons.
Something which would seem to forget is that to break the law of a country which is for the benefit of all people in Islam is haram.
It is haram.
It is not permitted. You cannot do it, if you are doing it you are committing haram you are answerable to Allah Subhana Allah and you will be punished by Allah subhanaw taala for people to take this thing, you know, very easily the thing guys, okay? It's not okay. Islam does not permit you and me to break the law of land when that law is for the general good.
And this does not have to be something very big and serious. Jumping a red light is this.
The traffic signals are for a reason.
And that reason is for the safety of all people. And if you go through the traffic signal and you are a Muslim, then you are committing.
You are doing something which is prohibited, you are answerable to Allah subhanaw taala, you are accountable and you will be punished whether the policeman caught you or didn't catch you is not is not when escaped the policeman but you cannot escape Allah. Something as simple as that. Now you can take this and expand it further. That's not the topic now. So I'm not going into that. But I'm just saying that anger for reasons which are not personal.
So expression of anger, we feel anger, yes. But how do we express anger?
Anger must be expressed in ways which are constructive and positive. For example, if somebody does something wrong, say somebody works for you,
maybe one of your children does something wrong.
That thing is wrong. It's not something which happened to you personally. So it's not a matter of itself.
But what the person does is wrong. The How do you and you are angry, and you have a right to be angry. There's nothing wrong with your anger, you have a right to be angry, you should be angry.
But how do you express this anger? Do you rave and rant do scream? Do you shout us? Where do you curse? Do you beat the person? Do you throw things? What do you do? Or do you bring the boss and say, Look, what you did is wrong. I am very angry.
I'm seeing this now serious face. But I'm not reading and ranting I'm not shouting. They are very angry with what you have done. Now tell me why did you do that? What's the reason?
Is it a mistake? Did you do it by accident? Did you do it deliberately? If you did it deliberately? Why did you do deliberately?
Right? That is the issue is that the issue is how do we
express this anger?
How do we express anger? And what is the result of the expression of that anger?
Before I end, I want to end with a story, a true story about the expression of anger and the result of it. But before that, let me tell you what Adam said to people. He said this observatorio Delano.
He said that if you are angry, I was if it was a matter of short temper.
So Rasulullah Sallam said to him that if you are angry, if you are standing sit down, if you are sitting lay down.
So these are ways of also controlling your anger in your body position. Go down, go to the earth,
you're standing sit down for sitting light up. If you find two people are angry and yelling and screaming call the other
because Satan is the one behind this. So when you call the other gentleman's away,
you don't have to stand and just call the other the word is called the other shots and runs away. That's another way of and of course, you know, drink cold water, whatnot, all of this.
But anger Therefore, as I said, must be managed in the way of how to express this anger positively.
story I want to tell you is a true story. It was written by rajmohan Gandhi, the son of energy.
And he says that in the days when they used to live in South Africa.
In the days of apartheid, segregation, the Indian areas were away from the white areas. And the workplace used to be far away.
And he says that I used to go and pick up my father from his workplace every evening.
He's to drive and pick up his father from the workplace every day. He said one day I was
there was a movie that was playing in some theaters so I decided to go see the movie. So is that I was in the movie theater and I was one hour late to pick up my father.
Because I got it rushed in the movie, so I forgot about the time.
By the time I got there it was one hour at bust.
So he said, When my father asked me why you were late, I told him the car broke down, so I had to go to the mechanic.
But it so happened that some friend of his father's saw him in the movies.
founder of on any phone the father and told him, I saw your son in a movie theater, and he was against movies, he was against watching movies and so on. So he didn't like his children to watch movies.
So the friend told him so now when Razvan guy, they went and said, the car broke down. I told him I said, but my friend called me and told me that he saw you in the movie theater, is that true?
So he said, you know, well, he got caught. So what to do wrong? So he said, Yes, that is true.
I'm talking about anger. So Gandhiji were very angry. What did he do? He said to his son, he said, You know, I have tried all my life. To impress upon you the importance of speaking the truth, no matter what the situation is,
tried my best to impress upon you the importance of being truthful, the importance of speaking the truth, no matter what the consequences no matter what the situation is, but I have failed.
Failure is my failure, because I have failed, I have not been able to impress upon you that is why you are not able to tell me the truth, you feel the need to lie in a small matter like this.
So I have failed. Therefore I am going to punish myself because I have failed in my job.
And so today I am going to walk home and raggedy says he walked on 25 miles.
He said he walked all night by the time you got it was money. He said I was driving the car behind him. This is in Africa in the back in the bush
walking all the way home and garbage was no great athlete or something. So by the time he got home, he was almost dead with exertion.
What is the result of this? The result of this his son says I have never told another lie in my life since that day.
That's also expression of anger.
Right? it well.
How do you do it?
And that is the key. The key is not to say don't feel angry. As I said if there is a reason to be lie, there isn't a veil angry. But how do you express this anger?
That is the issue. The issue is how can we control the expression of this anger.
So when we say clear clean your heart from anger because you do not remove anger from your heart. What it means is that change the way in which you express anger Do not let the anger control you.
Just go to jail.
Solo lalana will carry while he was average.