Living Islam – Khutbatul Wada’a #05

celerra Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Shafi Lumby or even more Saudi and Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa seldom does live on a theorem cathedra. From my brother, my brothers and sisters, we continue with our

series of classes on the hot butter WADA on the farewell hotbar Farewell Sermon of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam.

It's called the Farewell Sermon because it was it's not because it's the last one, but because this was the seventh day who delivered

during his hedge in,

in alpha. And after that he did not do another hedge. This was his last hedge, and therefore it's called

the ferret.

So we are at the point where he was admonishing and He admonished and he reminded people to be good to the women.

Now, as I mentioned in the last class, women here means obviously, it means the wives, but it also means all the other women in the care of the man which might, depending on

his family circumstances might be sisters might be his mother might be the grandmother.

And by inference, it also means all children. And by inference, it also means all those people in the care or in the custodianship of that man, which would include, for example, any sovereigns and so on, which would include any other relatives, who may live with that person. And Hamdulillah we have a culture in which we take care of each other. And so sometimes we have large families. Our whole concept of family is different from the western concept, which is man, woman and children. Our concept of family is anyone who's related to us in any way and some of those ways are pretty tenuous and pretty

distant, but we don't treat them like that it is.

We treat them as one.

Now, with this thing in mind, as I mentioned to the ayat of surah, Nisa, the last class also I decided yet for you when Allah subhanaw taala said I was willing to cheat on the review or reject Ohkawa Munna Island Nisa Bhima for the Allahu Vida Humala, bad word Bhima and Falco mean, I'm wildly him. Now, a lot of metadata mentioned

two things in this and Allah said that men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah gave one of them a higher, further Allahu, Allah gave a love, a blessed one more give one more. Sometimes average includes of course, a higher status mean that one should be obeyed by the other. And because they will be more un*able and because they spend to support them from their means.

And then Allah subhanaw taala describe the qualities of righteous women which I mentioned in the last class. Now, think about this two or three things two very important things to keep in mind in this one is Allah subhanaw taala said our region he did not say a Dooku. Right. Allah did not say the male's Allah said men. Now what's the difference? So Allah is not saying that a man is superior to a woman

purely because of his gender. No, Allah is saying, a man

is superior and superior not in a as a human being. Superior meaning is superior in having more authority, superior in as in having more

as, as the person being in control of that whole family

is not because of his agenda. So Allah did not say the core Allah said regional Zacchara were onside.

In the Quran, in many places, these two things have come male and female.

And that's one of the first I had of sort of mix up. Allah subhanaw taala mentioned this,

who said that Allah created to do from Zakharova from a male and a female. Here Allah is saying our regional or dual regional now who are men. So we are talking here, not just about gender, we're talking about certain qualities which make a man somebody who's worthy of respect

Man who is somebody who is noble of character who is generous, who's kind, who's brave, who is just very fair, and just was honest, as truthful, as compassionate was forgiving, who was merciful, who has knowledge, who is fun, who is inspiring, who is a guide to Allah subhana wa Tada and His Messenger, salatu salam, and is a companion in Jana. Now, let me leave you to add to that list.

men want women to respect them, and look up to them and honor them and adore them. But fail to see that each of those things is a reaction.

You don't start with adoration. You can like even love somebody. Something that you are not somebody you can like or love, something you bought in the market, like a kitten or a puppy or horse, but you don't respect your obey your horse, you ride it and you whack it with a whip, if it doesn't obey you.

So you get my drift is Do you see what I'm saying? I'm talking about the absolutely disgusting, degrading, demeaning, deplorable and D Manning practice of for example, taking notice that in our culture, we take money from the bride to marry her. Now this is the exact opposite of what Islam decrees decrease the you give a gift, which is called the man instead of that, men take money. And they do it in all kinds of

in all kinds of what they think are creative ways. And may Allah protect us, they and their mothers, usually. And of course, their fathers are also compensated that

they think they're being creative, the thing they are fooling people, they don't, they don't understand that the only one they have to be true to Allah subhanaw taala. And he is the one that cannot be fooled. So it is a it's an absolutely disgusting, shameful practice that we have taken from other into our religion, and we sell ourselves, mostly men sell themselves, right. So decide if you are a man or a horse.

women marry men and they own horses. So it's your choice, right? If you if she bought you, you are her property to be used, not a man to be admired and respected. Adoration comes as a result of something, therefore, look at yourself, go and look in the mirror, look at yourself in the mirror, and see if that's something is that, if it's present, every effect has a cause.

If you want to change the effect, you cannot legislate it, you can't order it, you have to change the cause. piece that effect. It's the effect of justice, until you establish justice, any apparent peace is only a recess between words.

So also respect and adoration that affects the cause is mercy and forgiveness, and nobility of character and generosity and the and all the rest. You cannot change hearts by force hearts change because of what they encounter.

As Gazelle what the hearts of your family are encountering from you on a daily basis, until you address the causes, the effects will not happen. No matter how many hotbars on the rights of husbands you make your wives listen to.

So very, very important as a man, if you want respect, then think about

think about what is you know, think about how you can get that respect because it won't it's not an automatic thing it won't just happen because you are you know you you wear pants or even women wear pants today. So,

respect is not just something which will happen on its own respects will have respect will happen only and only if we do something to make it happen. And that to do it or not do it is in our hands.

For the women it is true. And again before I go there let me also mention this, Allah subhanaw taala said men have higher status than women women must obey men and how I'm gonna Allah Nisha, Allah has made the man the the Qalamoun the main demand the custodian over the women understand one thing, this is not a statement of honoring you and putting a crown on your head. This is a matter of reminding you that you are in control and therefore you are accountable.

You are the one who will go to jail figuratively speaking, right? If you are driving the bus

and you crash the bus

us, who do they investigate you or the passengers?

They investigate you. And they say, Is this because of drivers error? Is it because the driver went to sleep? Is it because the driver was drunk? Is it because something was wrong with the way he was driving was driving dangerously?

They will not say well, how was this passenger in the in the seat? On the left?

Third row, I was this, this city? No.

So being Qalamoun is not something that you feel very proud about an arrogant democracy, oh, no, I am the master of the house. Seriously, it would be a wonderful thing. If you are not the master though, because then at least you are not questionable. If something goes wrong, it's not your fault. Because if not, you are not in control, but you are in control, if you are a man and you have if you are married, if you have children, if you have you know women living in the valley, then you are the one responsible,

yes, should you should be obeyed, because obviously, life cannot go on if each one has his own will and everyone is doing whatever they want, without regard to everybody else, no.

For order to be to be there for structure to be there.

For other we need structure for structure, we need somebody in control. So we need that administrative structure for any organization to function. And a family is an organization in a manner of speaking. So therefore, you have to have somebody in control that somebody is the man, Allah has made the man that person who is in control. But what does it also mean? It means that that man is the one that Allah subhanaw taala is willing to hold accountable for. For example, if your family if your wives if your children and so on and so forth. If they don't pray, you will be held responsible by Allah subhanaw taala to see whether you taught them whether you admonished them

whether you persuaded them whether you try to help them to understand the importance of Salah

but if you don't pray, your wife will not be questioned about that. You will be questioned and you will pay you will face the music of that. Naughty naughty boy he will not be asked How come your husband didn't pray. That's that's not helpful. That's not our responsibility. But it is the responsibility of the admin to ensure that she breeds

right. So please understand this. Now for the women on the other hand, it is true that kindness and mercy are causes and not effects. Mercy is to devil and therefore understand what that is. Mercy is good return for bad. Mercy is not good for good. Mercy is good for bad.

But ask yourself if that is how you want it. Do you want your man to give you a give you a good while you continue to give him back out of a sense of duty, praying for Allah's forgiveness?

While also maybe praying for relief, right? He says Allah I'm doing this to please you but please help me to get out of it.

In a reliable Andela Roger is this is this? How is this what you want to do? That's why I say to the I say to husbands or wives

believe me that your husband will make dua for you and your wife will make dua for you. The question is what kind of dua Do you want?

Think about that.

My brother, sisters, even the mercy and kindness maybe despite your attributes and behavior, how much more valuable it would be if the behavior continuously reinforced your man's response. Your man's response and delivery numbers on the Elana ma he said that also Elijah Selim said I was shown Jahannam and I have never seen anything more terrifying than that. And I saw that the majority of people in that were women.

And they said, why your service officer and he said because of their Kufa because of their ingratitude because of the fact that they are ungrateful.

And they asked him Salah Salem, are they ungrateful to Allah? He said they're ungrateful to their companions to their husbands, and ungrateful for the good treatment. If you are going to one of them for a lifetime. Then she sees one undesirable thing in us she will say, I have never seen anything good from you. And this is a say, Hadith in Bukhari, in today's world in this feminists kind of culture, these aren't very bad.

Why are the majority of women agenda what majority of people in your handout with

my submission do is forget that for the for the moment of what the majority is, the key is not to wander about to worry about that the key is to ensure that you are not one of them.

The key is for me to make sure that I'm not one of them.

Now,

as soon as as LM is describing the quality that gets you there, what what gets us into Jana is COVID

Frannie our goal is not you're not denying Allah, but you're denying the bet the the blessing that Allah has given you. Please understand one thing very clearly that there is no such thing as a perfect man there is no such thing as a perfect woman didn't happen Allah. Allah subhanaw taala did not create it, even the one that he created us perfect people. Our problem with that is

his wives were unhappy with him.

And not because he cursed them or he beat them up or he you know, he denied them their rights in any way. No.

It was mutual jealousy among his wives,

was reflected onto him. And we know this. This is not

robot. We know this because Allah subhanaw taala revealed I had of sort of the last app

in connection with this and I was worried that I said if you don't

like and if you don't want to be with my Nabi SallAllahu Sallam that I will

instruct him to divorce you.

And he will divorce you with grace and mercy. And I will give him better than you

is the famous incident of the Zika virus.

There was a rumor suddenly that Salam has divorced his wife. Now one of them was the daughter of Omar Abdullah Hamza bin, Omar Minnkota.

To say that our daughter went to the house also Rosa Salem. And beloved Alana was there as the doorkeeper. And beloved got

the project

and then he,

as soon as

he said, Allah is here, and as well as Sam said, Let him go.

So when he came, his arms were licensed.

He had separated himself and next and he was in a room by himself, like a pavilion.

And he was lying on a mat made of

palm leaves, the palm leaves.

It was very hot days where he was not wearing a shirt.

And when one of them had power, the lawn had to enter as well as our Salem setup. And so then I was there I saw the imprint of the mat on the blessed back of Rasul Allah Azza wa sallam the mat was imprinted on his on the back.

See how

tough Russell was on cinemas. You don't lie on

the air mattress or something.

waterbed or

mattress of goose feathers. You lay a hard mat, made of dead palm leaves.

So

when he

said that he made Salam. And then he said, you also have you divorced, awaits. He said, No, I'm not diversity to each other. hamdulillah

it was a matter of great relief for Israel Hamdulillah.

And then he said he mentioned it to Gazala see the mattress on your

on the back. And he said I've seen the CD, he said you are in terms of status before Allah subhanaw taala you are higher than any king

and see how the kings

of the word lib.

And as soon as I said, I'm saying that what is with Allah is better than this, this dunya and I didn't come here to stay.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because reason I'm also not completing this whole story. That's not the purpose. The reason I'm saying this is that if you have your wife is, you know, is as a as a as a woman, let me speak to you if you don't like something about your husband,

believe me, you're not unique. And he's not the epitome of evil.

Even as soon as I Salam,

his wives had some complaint with him. Was that it justified complaint, it was not. But this is the nature

of some people. So they had a complaint

because they're constantly seeking perfection.

Please understand,

there is no one who the bigger, you know, pro women's rights person then you will then that I am is my claim more by Sir.

But understand is that women's rights are concomitant and equal and opposite. And the same as men's rights. Just like you have rights as a wife, your husband has rights as well.

It's not a one way street.

You hunger wakes up every morning. We want concern. Every this applies to most the normalcy of anybody, any man

with a man who's worthy of being called a man

who has a family, and their family can be just his wife or it can be wherever your children are. Well,

believe me, his number one primary concern with this should not be the case.

Especially for Muslim men, I don't even say this should be the case or I sort of tell them they should not be the case. But believe me, this is the case.

If somebody says is not the case, I won't say he's lying, but He's unique.

The case of every man is that he wakes up in the morning with a concern and that concern is how can I ensure that my family is provided for?

Do they have enough money?

The bills have to be paid? Whose responsibility is it? My wife is paid on my responsibility to pay the bills.

Children make all kinds of demands, women make all kinds of demands. I want the latest phone I want this. I want that. Where does this come from? It comes from your father. It comes from your father's pocket the father's pocket is not linked to Fort Knox.

Your father's bug it is not linked linked to the Federal Reserve he can't fall and say look put in some more dollar bills you know my my son needs the latest phone my daughter wants a Tesla she's not happy with a with a with a Corolla.

Seriously

everyone wakes up with that concern he sleeps with that concern? It eats you from inside

how can I provide the Nomad hours you tell them Allah subhanaw taala or Zapruder or whatever? Mateen. Your wife and children are the buffalo governor's around Alterna, he is there a duck, no matter what he says that I'm not saying men don't have what they have. They believe this.

But they know that Allah has made them responsible. They know that they are the means through which the family is provided for and that anxiety never goes away. And that's the reason why I know from my, my from my own life, my own. This is my heart, from my own life from my own concerns, from my own experience,

from my own business practice.

I know so many men

who worked in jobs which left to themselves, they would have dropped in one second.

There were times in my

career in the in the tea gardens.

Not the whole time. But there were certain times when I would have left a job

without even blinking an eye.

I did not leave it because I was married.

And hamdulillah Swatara saw me through to everything and I have no regrets. But I'm just saying that many men work. And many of men complete their own service that whole life working in different jobs, working for other men, for the managers who are,

you know, whose parents are not married, to try to see how I can not use one word to say what I want to say.

Seriously, think about that they take a lot of form of psychological abuse, because they don't want to lose that job.

Why? Because of you

Because of the hardship that might come on you, as the woman as the family

to think about what are you giving in return?

If this was not a religious

lecture, I would have put that pretty graphically.

But I let me leave that to imagine. Leave that to you imagine.

What is he getting in return?

Ask yourself this question.

And remember, just like he is accountable to Allah, you are accountable to Allah.

You don't have a free pass.

So be, be kind.

Don't force your husband to do for duty. What he has stopped doing for love.

Then invite in love with you again. Let him fall in love with you every day.

Women will think that it's cool to disrespect the husband and order him around like a dog. Like a little slave

may like to reconsider their behavior.

Don't make what Allah made easy for you difficult

Don't fool yourself

your husband honor is your honor. Don't compromise it

to seem cruel to your ignorant friends. And that's why it is essential. We have good friends who will point out the error of your ways. And from whose behavior look, you can learn something good.

There's nothing more disgusting as women who mocked their husbands, especially in public, they think is funny. They think it's very cool.

Right making fun of their husband joking about them.

There are many women who spend long hours complaining and bad talking their husbands to their friends, to their mothers.

May Allah protect women from other women,

the worst enemies of women are their own mothers.

I've seen how many marriages have I seen destroyed because of this, the mother does it. And in our culture, which which has a lot of arranged marriages. It is the mother who chooses the bride brings her and then makes her life hell. On the other hand, the same mother who chooses the husband, gets her daughter married and then spends her life destroying their marriage by filling her daughter's years with all kinds of poison and the daughter is too stupid to understand that and she did. She She internalizes that. No matter how bad it gets destroyed, I've seen so in length, the reason the marriage went bad The reason there was a divorce is because of the mother of the bride, the mother

of the war.

Because she was too stupid to understand what this old woman was trying to trying to do to the to her own marriage.

Right.

You thought your mother is your best friend she will not use your worst enemy.

I'm not saying you should be bad to your mother. No, but understand this you are an adult you got married because your energy is your own little child.

Do not discuss your husband with your mother. Do not discuss your wife with your mother. Usually that the men don't discuss their way to the mother but the women do.

And one of the reasons they do is because they are sitting there sitting at home free from the worry of earning money Allah subhanaw taala put that on the man he said You are responsible for her even if she's wealthy

in most cases, she's not well this is dependent on him.

But she has no gratitude for that.

I'm sorry this this class some people might not be happy about it, but you know certain things need to be said.

So be very, very clear about this right.

Inshallah, we will talk more about this

in the in the next class. But for now, let me leave you with this thought that it is very, very important to ensure or to remember that a good marriage comes from and is the result of the work of both parties. It doesn't happen by magic. It doesn't come out of the earth. It is something which happens and which comes only if both people are interested in that and both people are willing to put some effort into that. Right? We ask Allah subhanaw taala to help us to do that which is pleasing to Him I save us from that which is not pleasing to Him. Was Allah Allah Allah Allah will carry while he was serving members