Jummah Khutbah 6-01-23
Channel: Kamal El-Mekki
File Size: 21.79MB
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Brothers and Sisters in Islam today in this hotbar we're going to be talking about some aspects of our responsibilities of raising children. And we begin with the verse in sort of a terrain, Allah subhanaw taala says, Yeah, you had ladina Amanu who forsaken Lee come. Now run Waku Hannah's one hedgehog. La Hamada, ecotone, relevant shuddered ly also in Allah Hama, Amara home where if I do one of my model, Allah subhanaw taala is saying, Oh, you who believe protect yourselves and your families from a Hellfire whose fuel will be people and stones. And upon this how far we'll be angels that are stern and severe, that do not disobey their Lord. They do not disobey their Lord in the
slightest, and they do what they're commanded. So in this verse, we see that it is our job and responsibility and it's primarily our job and our responsibility to protect ourselves and our families from the hellfire. So it is partially the masjid responsibility. It is partially the school's responsibility. But first and foremost, it lies on the parents. And that's why Allah subhanaw taala even though he could have told us the advice of Lachman, he made us he made sure to let us know that Look, man, the father is the one who gave His Son this good advice. Yeah, and Allah azza wa jal could have just given us the lessons in ayat, but he made but he let us know that it was
luck, man, a father telling that to his son so that we get that lesson and that wisdom with Karla Look, man, holy bunny, he will who are evil. And when Lachman said to his son while he was admonishing and
advising him. So we see the importance of the Father in particular, also giving advice, because typically children spend more time with their mothers. And so they receive a lot of advice from their mothers. And but the advice from the fathers has a different perspective and a different angle, and is therefore much needed.
Now, we think that advice and raising children is the mother's job. So if the child does something wrong, we immediately blamed the mother, she didn't raise him, right, or they say an Arabic term Vietnamese one. And your mother raised you, she's the one who nurtured you. It's hands off for the Father.
And most discussions with children, and when you look at how therapy has become, did you finish your schoolwork Did you eat, finish your food, finish your plate, it's cold outside, put on a jacket, put on a sweater. And that's why this one has to be it has become. And that's why when you it's become giving and providing tarbiyah is now giving and providing you're taking care of your children. That means you're giving them what they need, you're providing what they need. And notice this, when a child does something wrong or gets in trouble in school, or does something breaking the law, whatever it is not look at the language that the parents will use. They will mention the giving and
the providing. So the Father will say to the son who just did something wrong. Don't put a roof over your head. Don't we always have food and you provided for any of the clothes you want. We get the toys, you want the tablets, the phones, he starts immediately mentioning that I gave I did tarbiyah I provided for you. But that's not it.
One time, this is in the East Coast. I was teaching in a weekend school. And after class, one of the parents was talking to me. And then his son came in and said, Give me $20 We're gonna go watch a movie. So they start having this little debate and he's giving this complaint about how he's always asking for money and everything. Then he pulls out the $20 he gives it to him. And the whole time I'm waiting for the father to ask him What movie are you going to watch? He never asked him until the boy left. He never asked him it was all about the 20 it was all about the providing but he never once said what is this movie you're gonna go watch. So many people are not aware more humbler
becoming aware now that you need to know what's in the children's programs. Some parents did go to Common Sense Media, which is a website, a Christian based website that mentions for every movie children or adults, every kind of bad word and it rates it, the positive messages, the violence, the bad words, everything. Some parents are very aware, they go check that before their children watch any children's program, because of all the direct and indirect messages that are hidden in children's programming. So some parents are very aware that they need to be on top of everything. While
even with the issue, and our community is divided on smartphones should you give your phone their own their your child their own phone or not. And we have it's almost a 5050 split in our community. But at least if you're going to give your child a phone, you have to give them a talk on preparing to how to handle this device. Because as we know, it can be something very useful, or it can be something very damaging. I met a man in Ramadan, this is in the East Coast. And it was the night before eight and it was the last night of Ramadan. And tomorrow's eight. And he told me, I have only fasted one day this whole month because of his addiction to haram images. And they don't have any
device at home. He watches it on his phone.
Since he was 14, he had this addiction. So the idea that you can just give your child a device like this that will give them access to the whole world without an instruction or instructions or an instruction booklet is just unfathomable that you wouldn't and the idea that someone is life and his deen is being destroyed because of his phone. But to consider the solution of getting rid of the phone was like Cofer and how can you be in the year 2020 Whatever, and not have a phone it was just beyond but you think anyone who's being doomed because of this device would take it and destroy to a million pieces. But it was unfathomable that he would get rid of the phone because that's what
people do today. They have phones that are completely attached to.
some some of the solutions are also to recognize what are the problems and the obstacles
sometimes we don't have a realistic or like an accurate finger on the pulse as they say. We were at a conference one time in Toronto, and it was a youth conference. And there were 1000 young men and women, all teens in the room. And every time we went back to the Speaker's room, everyone was so amazed and proud of the fact that 1000 of our youth are sitting here learning their Deen, instead of being out and doing this and doing engaging in Haram, they're here learning their religion. And you're only seeing one small cross section. And so you think this is what our youth look like, and with us, was a prison chaplain, and he imam in the prisons in the area around Toronto. And he said,
You're so pleased with these 1000 youth that are sitting here in this Islamic conference, he said, just the number of Somali young men in the prisons around Toronto, not in the prisons in Ontario, not in all the prisons in Canada, just in the prisons around the city of Toronto, just the Somalis 3000
That's just the men, not counting women, not counting Arab origin, not counting Desi origin, just the Somalis three times the amount that's in the room. So sometimes people just look at what are Imams also do this. And they see the best of the best the Imam spends his time in the masjid he sees the best of the community is is the children who memorize the Quran, because he stays within that circle. If he stepped a little bit outside of it, he will see things that he won't believe. So sometimes, it's just having an unrealistic look, and not really having your finger on the pulse. We have another problem is that sometimes people come to the masjid for the emergency to fix it, this
woman brought me her son, who is doing drugs, stealing cars, again, this is on the east coast is not in our community. And he was not raised with any of the values of Islam for 16 years. And now that he's getting in trouble with the law, she expects me to be able to magically fix him in one hour. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that. But the sad thing about this story is that by the grace of Allah, this man actually started praying and started behaving and everything. And the minute that happened, the mother pulled him out of the masjid. And you're just the solution. But we don't want to religious child on our hands just to fix we don't want a bad child. But we also don't
want a religious child.
Other extremes will be the most students themselves. The Masjid doesn't want the children there. And Hamdulillah we don't have this problem a clear like Islamic center. But we're starting an Islamic weekend school in one masjid. And the first thing we did is we spoke to the adults. Yeah, and you're good at lecturing. We told them you're good at lecturing about our children are being lost and they're not coming to the house of Allah and they have no connection to the masjid. The minute we bring them to the masjid. These children are making noise and they will do areas wet and they're running around in a masala What do you think children are going to do?
That's what they do. So you're either going to be patient while they're learning to be part of the masjid and love the house of Allah azza wa jal, or you don't want them at all, but don't give me the speech about them coming back to the masjid.
I measured a litmus test for fathers. If your child has a problem, will they approach you? Will they go to their best friend? Or will they come straight to you? If they want to tell something to both their parents? Are they going to come to you? Or will they go to their mother, and then their mother has to wait until you're in a good mood. And then she cooks your favorite meal? And then when you're ready, she can break the news to you. Yeah, and if that's the case, that means we're not close enough to our children if they can't come to us with problems. And growing up in America is just riddled with problems.
Beware of some of the things that children use one of the most powerful weapons children use this word bored and boring. So you take him to a lecture to a hooked up to a class and they tell you I don't want to it's boring pipe to teach them that life isn't just all entertainment and laughter. This is not how life is. And you don't leave something important because it's boring. And it's not boring. Yeah, and we're telling stories and jokes, and the only thing left is to put on a clown suit and come out of a clown car. All this stuff and then the minute they say it's boring, or I'm bored colors, that's it. I cut you off from it. You don't have to go if you're bored. But what about math?
What about physics? What about other things in life that are boring but are necessary.
Don't fall for these title only. It's boring.
I get tired. It's long, the same kid will play sports with three hours. But taraweeh for just 40 minutes is the longest thing in the world. Don't fall for that.
Also, it's important to not spy on your children. One of the scholars, he said the way I raised my child, I got him to understand and to be conscious of the fact that Allah subhanaw taala is watching. And I told him, I'm not going to spy on you. I'm not going to look out and try to find out what you're doing. Because you can hide it from me. I'm not with you. 24/7 But you can never hide it from Allah azza wa jal. So he said, I raised him to be aware of the fact that Allah subhanaw taala is watching. So let that be your first strategy that Allah azza wa jal is watching and they're aware of that. Not that they're gonna hide from you. And we've seen all kinds of horror, horror stories.
Even parents, we think their daughters are wearing hijab, they're not even wearing hijab, all kinds of stories. But the whole point is that when you're not looking, they can do whatever. But if you teach them that Allah subhanaw taala is always looking, then you don't have to spy. And I said this before one time, and some parents came to me and they try to see when is how much permissible is it to spy? And what what point can I Spy, don't let that be your first technique. Don't let that be your first technique that you're going to spy on uncovered dirt on them.
We always say it takes a village. But we don't want any advice from the villagers. We always talk about it takes a village to raise a child it takes a village to raise a child. And then one child hits another if any parent talks to them even gently, why are you talking to my child, nobody talks too much when it takes a village.
And always accepting whatever behavior that comes out of our children. Jani
we had an incident where three children came, and there was an adult woman doing babysitting. And they start to bother her and harass her and bother her and harass her. And when she got to the boiling point, then they pull up their phones. So what did they videotape an adult screaming at three innocent children. And they do this in high school all the time, they will aggravate their teacher until the point where they're going to explode, then they pull out their phones. And then you just see this teacher exploding on the children. And and what happens is the parents fall for this stuff. So the parents were saying this adult shouldn't be traumatizing and terrorizing the
And they're giggling in the video.
When the village what I'm to the village. So you need today and this is the modern parent, don't talk to my child Don't correct my child. That's my job. But when you're not doing your job, what do we do here?
So being able being open to this idea that your teeth, your children's teachers, yes, they will raise your child, they will correct them. They will teach them morality at some point especially and in private schools, perhaps more so than in public schools where they don't care a little bit about morality. So these are just some of the issues that we need to be aware of any parenting here you have to be on your toes, and you have to be aware of everything that's happening 24/7 And you have to be able to have open and clear discussions about everything. There is no topic that you leave for someone else to talk to your children about. Because most of the time they Google that already they
know about it, they watch the video about it or their friends informed them about it. So it's best for you to step in as soon as you can and give them the proper moral and Islamic perspective before things get out of hand. A cooler COLA that was tough for a lot of them. They will come in generic don't look for stuff through fire hose and stop fearing ask Allah subhanaw taala first forgiveness Indeed, those who ask for forgiveness shall prosper.
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah I mean, while he was here, Jemaine about
the last point we have. It's not it's not necessarily a point that everyone has an issue with. But a lot of people have a problem. And maybe especially fathers have a lot of problems showing the proper type of affection that you let people know that you care about them. One study found that the hardest thing for family members to say to each other was I'm sorry.
The simple phrase I'm sorry siblings find a hard time saying it to each other. Couples find a hard time saying it to each other. Just to apologize. We
It means you're admitting that you made a mistake that you were wrong and that you're trying to make amends here.
They say that having a feeling and never expressing it is like having a gift and never giving it you just imagine someone who has a gift a special gift they bought for someone they've got it wrapped in in a nice gift bag and it's just sitting in there Never gonna give it so having an affection that you never expressed it just the same way.
And that's why early on our profits are seldom taught us this to show affection to your children. widowed narrates that a man was with the prophets, Allah Salam, and then another man passed by. So he says yo rasool Allah in Nila of Hippo haha. Oh prophet of Allah. I love that man. So the pro Salam says, Did you tell him? He says no, Karla limo, go let him know, what is the value of loving him and then you're not going to let him know that you have any affection towards this person or that you care for them or anything like that. Just keeping it to yourself, what's the value of it.
And that's why I have tried and habits for the Allahu Anhu. He was with the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and then maybe saw Selim kissed his grandson, and Hassan. So he says, I have 10 children and I've never kissed anyone, any of them. And the prophets of salaam says in Navajo Mala, your hum, he tells him in the home and layer hump, your hump, that the one who does not show mercy shall not receive mercy or should not be given mercy. And this, as we sit in this room, we have a mixture of people, we have people who are not very affectionate. And so make sure you push yourself, even if it's beyond your comfort zone, and show this affection, show love and care to your family members to
your children. And then we have people who are at the other extreme, and we've discussed this before, where they think that you're they call it soft parenting, they call it just being your child's friend, Danny, where did you ever see being your child's friend? Where is this ever it wouldn't had one if you are not a seven year old? Yeah. And I understand having a friendly, friendly relationship. But you're not an eight year old like them where you can be their friend. In that sense. There has to be a person a figure of authority, even if you're a fun, relaxed individual. At the end of the day, you're a fun relax individual in the place of authority. You the authority has
to be there. It can't be anything else. It can't be anything else. And if you think that works, then why do we have so many problems with children's with children today? And the psychologist told you that's what the best thing that works. Look at the look at youth today. Why isn't it working better than
so with that we ask Allah Allah to make us of those who recognize the truth as clear truth and follow the best of it. And to make us of those who recognize falsehood as clear falsehood and abstain from it for Lahoma and we'll have to hop on board. What I didn't know about a lot about Elon was punched in Alba, Allahu Allah. Allah dunya Akbar Ramana. Well, I'm a blogger Illumina. Well, I don't know Remo. Sirona Allahumma berrimilla. The Illuminati I'm Rushden. You as the robotic way of Delphi and Marcia Murphy had been my roof while you enhance the uncarrier semi are also a lot more about IQ and on growth. I mean, early he was behind me, but formula salts have come along
Allahu Akbar along the way