Channel: Hesham Al-Awadi
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smilla rahmanir rahim o salat wa salam ala nabina Muhammad Ali Hassan yourself, brothers and sisters, I'm skipping a part of the marriage thing, not out of disrespect or thinking that it's not important a it's available in your book and be should there be time for questions and answers maybe we can insert some of the ideas then, but now I want to take you to the semi final chapter in the book in the book, it ends really with Mohammed saw Selim in his 50s onwards until he passes away.
And this is more about leadership leadership skills, because now he migrates,
he establishes a community, he deals with more sophisticated now, issues. So this is all about leadership. So if you're interested, read about it. And maybe also in the you can add to it, improve it, give me feedback, if you like, but this we will not be talking about in this course. So I want to stop with
Mohammed Salah Salem or conclude with Mohammed sauce, lm, the English 40. Now 40, to me,
is not a number. 42 means a phase in one's life.
You know, Allah subhanaw taala mentions that 40 there's something
sometimes they say mid age, crisis, mid age, mid age, whatever. But there is something about 40 not as a number, as a mindset as a mentality.
That it is a sign of maturity, it's a sign of seeing things from a different perspective, it's a sign of change, right? Hence, this chapter is about change.
child was about emotional intelligence.
environment was about expanding your circle of influence, or control.
teen age is about nurturing your inner voice.
Youth is about providing services with unique Creative Services.
For 40s, is about change. In the Quran, there is a verse that says and when he reaches the age of 40,
he begins to be more
aware of Allah and say, Oh Allah,
forgive me for what I did in the past, it is now that he is in a state of coming close, realization, maturity.
But I want to talk about change pertaining to the crazy times we live in. And how can change be a positive force in our life, whether we are in our 4020 3050 so here to me, yes, change in the life of Mohammed saw Selim the age of 40. But I would like also that change becomes a principle in our life, in order to adapt with the changes that are happening in our world. Now, you can't build the value or the principle or the skill or the talent of change, without building something else called flexibility.
Because you can't change if you are inflexible. So flexibility today is very important to go particularly with the downsizing, redundancy, letting employee employees out, etc, etc. Again, coming back to linchpin and how to become indispensable in an age of surplus in an age of saturated increase in population. How can you keep your job? How can you keep your married life? How can you keep your relation with your children, if you're not flexible? Right. So, to me, it's a fascinating
topic, and I hope that you will enjoy as well.
Before I talk to you about change, let me
zoom into the experience itself in the life of Muhammad SAW Selim in the age of 40.
profit margin, Mohammed Salim has developed a habit we don't know when,
presumably since the age of 30, but once a year, for one month, he will put himself in solitude.
I don't know for how many years he has been doing that.
The moment in which gibreel appeared to him that this was not the first time that he was doing this, ie being in solitude in the cave.
And it is as if Allah subhanho wa Taala was putting him in this training session until he was ready for the real one.
And I'll talk about training as one way of maintaining change when it happens, but this We'll talk about it later.
A little bit of information about the cave. If you visit Mecca, you can visit the cave, you will see that it's about three kilometers, convert that two mile
multiply, I think by 1.6. And you will get in miles
away from Makkah, right away from his house.
Its length is about 620 meters. Why is this important? It's important because it meant that he was serious about it. It was it. It's important because it shows me how serious he was about this ritual.
Those people who go to the gym find it extremely difficult because they feel that two stations away from the house is long, long way. Right. But I'm telling you that this long distance, and also climbing until you reach that top of a cave is something that was really difficult, but I'm going to do it every time you go to the gym every time you run every time you do something difficult, but you feel you will be emancipated by a
be inspired by this.
So to me, it shows discipline fact that it
the fact that it has happened on a regular basis. And it also shows me another beautiful word, and that is consistency.
Okay, there is difference between rigidity and consistency. I counted how many hours that a month will take being in the cave. And of course, the number is 720 hours. That's a long time to be alone.
We live in a society that people feel itchy when they sit alone for five minutes. And so as not to be perceived as antisocial. or black swans. They, they they take their mobile, which sometimes has no batteries, and begin to click or whatever, just to show that I'm busy. But in reality, they are dying to speak to anyone or dying that anyone just tells them hi How's the weather?
We live in a society where it's becoming increasingly difficult to be alone and enjoying being alone. I'm not asking I can do it. I'm not asking you to stay in solitude for a month
or I'm asking you to develop the habit of enjoying being even if for a while not lonely but in solitude lonely is something that has a social stigma. Okay? And by the way, it has nothing to do with who's around you because I could be here feeling lonely while I'm being with you. You feel lonely when you feel that you are with many people hear no one understands you right. But sometimes you feel so filled from within even if you are alone. And I would like to argue that also sauce lm part of it is risk part of it is preparation, but part of it is also his socio personal makeup, which you could relate to and develop that you enjoy being alone provided that you know what will
you do when you be alone you will reflect you will think you will look in retrospect
you will recharge the bunny he will sharpen the sword okay. So all these kinds of things. So, this is regarding the the cave.
Go and Google
and by the way, one of the bestseller books these days is about solitude. And you know there is a rise in the literature of things like focus, things like meditation,
yoga, anything, right? Because they see that there is we have been
distracted by all this technology at the expense of reflection.
tivity focus, all these kinds of things. So when I googled benefits of solitude, this is what you come up with. One of the immediate benefits of solitude is freedom. Do you remember when I told you about groupthink, groupthink? What it does is that it enslaves you to the social pressures of your colleague in your company, your members in your group, your family members in your family.
But being in solitude, what it does is that it liberates you. It makes you more conscious of the decisions that you make.
And he argues this person psychologist who read who wrote this article, that it is that which enables the real growth to happen, be it in personal spiritual spirituality, or even personal professional development and self examination.
And in the Quran, there is a fascinating verse which says, say,
I urge you to one thing
that you should that you stand up for Allah sake in pairs.
Oh, alone, and reflect. So, if you can't be alone, this is ideal. At least be in pairs, but no more than that. And pick your pair.
Pick the big pick the pair that will help you reflect rather than distract you. But ideally alone, only number two can be wide. Right?
And taco Mola, mesna waffle Rada
and reflect Capricorn.
One of the other benefits of being in solitude is creativity.
And when I thought about an example, I thought about Mohammed Al ghazali. Do you know that Mohammed Hassan II was a full professor, in fact, in the Vania University in Baghdad, one of the most prestigious university and you read his biography, he said, a time came where I lost my ability to speak. I asked the psychologist, Dr. Tonkin, Habib, one of the most important psychologists in the Arab world with an Islamic mind. And he said, Yes, this is a form of sickness. This is a form of illness, when you are so going under this severe depression,
because you are fed up with your life. Everyone sees you successful, but you It's burning inside you that you want to do something that is different. And you lose the ability for appetite. You lose the ability and you lose weight, and you lose the ability to speak.
And that's exactly in
his book about his life. He said, I couldn't speak. And what he did, he handed his resignation. But he knew that the Dean of the university would not allow it because he was one of the most successful professors in the university, teaching the thick of imaam Shafi, so he lied about it. He said, I'm going to have I just need to be on sabbatical.
And rather than going to Makkah, he went to Jerusalem. And he chose this isolated floor.
And he stayed inside it. And what was the result?
Luma Dean, a best seller till today? Did he write it while his wife was bringing the tea and the coffee, and the children are jumping over his head and playing with his turban? No. In fact, in the milk of the law, he says I miss my family.
But nonetheless, I am also enjoying my solitude.
So solitude, one of its benefit is that it makes you more creative because it gives you time to reflect and to focus, without the temptation of being easily distracted.
So I in the book says, turn off your smartphone or mobile and try meditation and introspection, even if just one hour a day.
And make this a daily habit, and you will see the difference. Okay, so that's regarding solitude.
I want to talk a little bit about change itself. I spoke about solitude because this was the scene that took place when the changes happen. And the change I'm talking about, of course, is the Revelation where they have an intersects with earth with and this meeting happens between jabril and who's an angel and a human being was Mohammed right? This is unprecedented, right? unprecedented.
In that context in that period,
I zoom the camera into the episode itself. Brothers and sisters before that, let me scare you a little bit. By the way, it is scary, it is really scary to be sitting in a cave alone for one month, particularly when the sunsets and if you doubt that go and sit in a cave, somewhere in the yards or the countryside of London, and just don't scream, please, particularly girls, if you saw a snake or a crap, right? Because these places are very dangerous. And I bet you in Holloway again, that these caves were not safe places. And that's why usually when the arm sits sitting caves, they clean it first, before they actually sit in it.
In the book, I also see I show the size of the cave itself two meter by three meter only enough for one person to lay down and to sit straight. So it wasn't this luxurious etc. Because it was not meant for that.
And also seldom we are told that he used to take the food from home. And when he runs out of the food, Khadija would come
and climb the section 600 meters, given the food and go away.
So it is in this context that the the incident will happen. Suddenly, aerosol cell encounters
dazzling light. Now we don't know whether this happens in the daytime or in the night. But if it happens in the night, and one is already listening to sounds, and crawling animals, and suddenly it happens, it is really scary. Please don't please forgive him for shivering for three kilometers from the cave up until he reaches Khadija is still shivering because what he has encountered me and you might have, you know had a had a heart attack. So this is quite important. Why are you telling me this? You scare me? Oh, no, I'm not telling you this to scare you. I am telling you this to tell you that change is never easy.
Change is never easy. Change is never comfortable. Change is never funny.
Change is always painful.
In this book that I refer to switch, why changes is difficult. There is a fascinating quotation that says usually people are hesitant about change, not because it takes them from one place to the other. But it takes them from one place to the other accompanied by severe pain, and only those who pass through the threshold and endure the pain that will secure the real change. And a lot of us don't change, not because we don't want to change. But we don't want to go through the pain. Hence No pain, no, no gain. You've got it. Let me talk a little bit about the pain.
Now I didn't encounter that. It's he who says that.
He says when he came in appear to me in the cave. He could have told me
but he chose to
squeeze me until I felt that my room was going to come out of my mouth. And then he released me and said, oh crap.
And then I said shivering, I can't read and him he did it again. And I can't read and then he did it again. Now think about it. Why wouldn't it be easy to say read I don't read read. I don't read read I don't read? Why the squeezing bit.
It is so as to appreciate the seriousness of the change and the seriousness of what you are encountering. So when you go to the gym to lose weight, you will sweat and it will hurt your thighs and muscles. But that's part of it. If you want to have real change, by the way, this have continued to be the the the way every time gibreel
came to the Prophet. Never did you please come to the Prophet at ease. And go to Bihari and read types of Revelation.
He would say sometimes the revelation will be like some little jealous like Leaning, leaning, leaning leaning and it's hurting my ears.
And sometimes I would see
weight on my thigh that my thigh will break
and they have been hardly fair. He says I once was sitting next to the Prophet and his thigh is closed.
To my thigh, and jabril came and stood on the thigh of Mohammed Salim Mohammed Salim leaned his thigh on me, I was going to die. Because of the Wait, what is going on? What is going on is that this is a moment of change. This is a moment of something happening that will liberate everybody else, it can't be easy.
I have a law that says not a single time jabril comes and leaves without him sweating, even if in the middle of winter. Why?
So there will be pain. But what is amazing love that. What is amazing is that
you want the pain to come again.
You want the pain to come again. You know why?
Because that's your comfort zone. That's where you are comfort zone. And then you are enduring pain. But what is happening is that your comfort zone is increasing. And in no way like a baby coming out of the womb of his mother crying Yes. But in no way after seeing what he's seeing or seeing what she's seeing, would she want to go back to the darkness again? So as you increase your comfort zone, no way would you want to shrink it after you saw the gains and the privileges of the increase in the expansion. And that's why you would want to endure more pain, because the more pain promises more of the expansion of the comfort zone. And when you expand your comfort zone, what happens, you increase
your circle of,
Circle of control does not just go like this easily. Otherwise, we will all have been masters and leaders and changes and geniuses and outliers. No special people. But for it to expand. It's like a muscle you need to endure some pain, those who back off and relapse and those who continue enduring the pain. So let me tell you something that will shock you. First of all, there is a hadith that says that one day also Selim was sitting on my close to my lap, I should say and jabril at that time descended and he was revealing torn saw Selim and the same that has happened with Zaid she he could feel the weight of gibreel. Ayesha also persevered and suffered. And she said I felt that my thigh
and my lap was going to break yet with that pain. Nonetheless, do you know that she is the most one who wept and cried when I'm so Selim died? What did she say?
Of course she loves the prophet SAW Salah, and of course she was crying because of the prophet SAW Selim. But she was also crying for something else. She said, I'm not just crying because the Prophet is dead. I am crying because will I will never feel gibreel again.
And if I was there, I would tell, would you want to feel that pain again? Yes. Because that pain made me feel that what I am hearing is something that is serious and is worth it. And I despite the pain, it's worth it. I would want more of that. And the moment that it has departed because with moments of silence, there will be no pain again.
That shocked me that hurt me. But I want to do the same. Not with Zaid, not with
with Arusha. I want to do it with Mohammed himself. Salas.
Look at this amazing revelation. It's in Bukhari and Muslim when the divine inspiration after after jabril came to our sauce lm and he said to him, apply and squeeze them and he went and shivered, etc, etc, you would have guessed that I also sell him doesn't want to work doesn't want that anymore, right. But see what has happened when the divine inspiration posed for a while because after he said Accra, he disappeared. And you might say this is good news because I will never encounter the pain anymore. This kind of, of squeezing but look at total opposite has happened. So when the divine inspiration posts for a while the prophet SAW Selim became so happy, no became so
sad that he intended listen to that, that he intended several times to throw himself from the top of high mountain. Now if this is not between inverted commas and attempt to commit suicide, what would suicide be right? So became so sad that he intended several times now to throw himself from the top of a high mountain and every time he
Went up the top of a mountain in order to throw himself down debris would appear before him and say, oh, Mohammed, you are indeed Ally's messenger in truth. And then and only then when upon his heart would become quiet, and he would calm down, and he would return home. But after another couple of days, suicidal attempts would come again. And whenever the period of the coming of the inspiration used to become longer than ever, he would do as before, but when he used to reach the top of a mountain, and mark is full of mountains, by the way, now they broke it, destroyed it, and all our hotels and stuff like that they used to reach the top of a mountain gibreel would appear again,
before him and say to him, what he had said before,
how is it that pain becomes a source of joy. And when you don't get enough of it, you think of committing suicide, how is it that you become addicted to pain, because that is the way forward to success.
And compare this to those who are when they fail, they enjoy failure, because it gives them the green light to rest assure, and to become lazy,
living, dying within their comfort zone, never expanding rather than circle of control. And just
complaining about the circle of concern.
This is to me is amazing, ladies and gentlemen, this is to me, is very
variable important. So every time you endure pain, because of anything, be it have Koran beat a bad beat a job, be it anything that the society sometimes make, make you feel any pain at all, remember the pain of Allah saw Selim and remember that this pain is the way squeezing you out of your comfort zone. And ultimately, it would lead to your growth and prosperity.
The second point is about
I think this is very important and very relevant to us now, because I can't keep on talking about the revelation at the end of the day, this is something sacred, we will never understand it, but I took out of it what could be irrelevant to us, who will never see Jubilee who never perceived Jubilee, but we do are exposed to painful experiences in our life. And if anything, we should be inspired by the insurance over us or sell them towards that pain.
I want to take you to another area which is training. Training is very important because if you change to a new lifestyle, if you change to a new phase in your life, part of being successful in that changing phase is that you practice is that you train for that newly virgin or fresh territory, otherwise, you will feel incompetent, you will be frustrated relapse and go back to what you are good at. Let me show you this process of change and why is it painful and how it happens?
All of us in in different ways. We have four phases. The first phase, we are incompetent about something.
Forgive my spelling. So we are incompetent or incompetent about something. And when we are incompetent about something we are usually unconscious of it.
We are unconscious until someone gives us a feedback Sham, you need to be aware of this defect you need to be aware of that, you know, I know that you don't mean it. But so this is what sometimes managers leaders coach mental do is that they they make you aware of certain incompetent incompetency, which, which for the first time, that's why you say never, never did anyone tell me that before. Thank you so much. And what happens is that now, you reach another level where you are conscious of your world
of your incompetency.
And what this then leads you to do is that it leads you to look for training books, mentor coaches, so as to address this incompetence that now thanks to the feedback you're aware of.
And what happens is that because of the training, because of the endurance because of the consistency because you go to the gym regularly because you do whatever you've been told to do, but you do it in a way. It's not fake, but you are aware that you are doing it someone for example, tells you
When you give talks try to move your hand a little bit, right. So for the coming talks that you talk, you move your hand so that to make a point that you are moving your hand, it's a little bit pretentious, but you want to inculcate that in you. So what you do is that now you are conscious, and you do it so well, that you are conscious of your, of your competence.
And then you do it again and again and again and again and again and again. And then it becomes second to nature. You do it and someone says, Wow, amazing. When you talk, you move your hand and you say, I didn't I yeah, okay. Oh, yes, 10 years ago, you still remember So ultimately, those people who are successful, they are unconscious, of their What? of their competence. Right? So unconscious of incompetence, thanks to feedback, conscious of incompetency. And then with training and practice, you become conscious of your competency. And then ultimately, you do it enough that you become unconscious of your competency now ask a question. And if you know the answer, I'll make
up for you. Yeah, anyway, because my students always win. If you answer the question, I'll give you extra credit. So I say I make down for you they love anyway, which is the most difficult stage
which is the more painful stage,
which is the one that takes a lot of sweat.
Which one which one,
second, and third. It's this one going from here to here. Because it's here that you are doing it pretentiously. And you either continue doing it until it becomes natural, or you stop because you feel an idiot, and you relapse back to becoming conscious, incompetent, I'm going to live live with it, I don't care. You like it or leave it or like it.
So, okay, thank you so much for this. But how's this got to do with the Sierra?
Let me give you some certain examples.
We know about something called Darren outcome. Eben Abul outcome. This is the secret house that the early community of converts used to meet on a regular basis to discuss and learn about Islam, right? Wrong. I actually disagree with this idea of discuss and learn about Islam. But I would say discuss and learn and training in Islam. Why? Because learn is about knowledge. And if I know that this meeting used to happen on a daily basis, since the time of the revelation, and it happened for two years. And I counted that if every day for two years, they met on a regular basis, we are talking about 2000 hours. Now, if I know that initially, for the first two years, not a lot of versus not a
lot of calm. Not a lot of art were revealed so that there is a learning session every day. So surely, a lot of the time was about training.
And when I know that there was a gentleman that came into the mosque, and started praying, and then after that went and said Salaam Turin Sula, la Salah, and then soula la Selim said, go and pray again, you have not prayed and then he prays again, and then comes back, say Salaam and he says, go back again and pray. And then he says Yana Salalah. That's the only way I know how to pray. And then also Selim stands, and he prays, and then the person looks and then show don't tell you this show. Don't tell, don't tell me what to do. Show me how to do it. This is the excellent way of training. And I bet in a halaal way, that that's exactly what are selling us to do an outcome, an outcome
beyond the knowledge beyond the teacher beyond education. So the point I want to make is that for us to have genuine, effective change, it shouldn't just be about learning, but it should be about training about what we have learned. A man has sent an email saying once entered into a mosque, and so an old man who could not pray or could not make ablution properly, like and so Selim saw this man could not pray properly. And show don't tell the new that very well. So they went and said Uncle Uncle, and they were young. And the Uncle Uncle made a competition You be the judge, I will make ablution He will make ablution tell us who's the winner. And the uncle admits it and say both of you
are excellent. It's me who can't actually make ablution properly.
So the point I want to make is that don't think that Islam only in the formative stages of spread was just based on knowledge. But it was also based on training.
And training is important. And practice is important.
So so this is this is very important.
Talk about cases of change that has happened at the time of the Prophet saws. And then we'll come to a conclusion, I'll talk about three cases of change, and how people change, and why did they change? And what was the spark spark behind the change? Now, when I studied the psychology of change, and why do people change, by the way, I realized that that there are two tracks for change, there are two incentives for change. There is the track the logical, the people that when they are mentally persuaded by something convinced by something, they change, right. And the process for that mental change is they analyze,
they observe, they, they analyze, they think and then change, but the most popular.
And that's why ads are very powerful. That's why media is very powerful. That's why when you go and buy a property, you search the internet, you do all the scientific research, but when you come and make a decision, last minute decision, it's sentimental.
Look at this book, fascinating book, right, I don't get a commission. It's called the art of thinking clearly.
Right, the art of thinking clearly, every page, just no more than one page gives you more than 40 tools to think clearly. And in in one of the tools that says that most of the decisions that we make in life, are emotional, are sentimental.
You do the internet search and the survey and the reviewers and the hotel and what customers say but at the end of the day, you see this damn building. However, the reviewers say it's fascinating. You just hated his guts, you want to go to the next building, which has the worst reviews, but you're just in love with it. Right? So all in all the buy point is that most of the change is emotional and emotional has a different process than the mental emotional is that you see something that's that seeing triggers a certain emotion in you. And then you change the majority of stories in cases of change that the prophets are seldom encountered. Were changes to do with the emotion, not the
mental. I know this will depress some of you. I'll tell you why in a minute.
But let me tell you some stories. Right, that will make that point clear.
Now, I looked at cases. First of all, in the book, I don't call the Sahaba converts or reverts, I say those who have changed, because if I say reverts and converts to me, it's just reducing the change to a matter of arcada pronouncing Shahada, I was a Christian, I became a Muslim. No. And you say, but I'm a Muslim. I'm not a Christian. So what is this has to do with me? No, my friend. This is a case of change. Let's let's get to see how did Abu Dhabi change. And you can superimpose that in your whatever issue beats smoking weed, whatever, right? So the model is the change. It's not the environment, or the smell of change and why the change has happened and in what context. So let me
take you to this case of
a suit assuming in the book I refer to that. And I'm assuming is someone who was not from Macau, but who has visited
and meet the Prophet.
And he lives away miles away from Mecca, and met the prophet in Makkah, because Morocco was a meeting place, pilgrimage, etc. So he met him. Now please, ladies and gentlemen, look at the conversation or read the conversation. To me, it wouldn't make sense in itself. It's not a powerful enough situation, to make me understand why the changes happen. But I'll tell you why. I think within that situation, change could have happened. So the conversation is that
where is it?
going to use my my Arabic? My Arabic conversation you have the translation? I'm Amit the Prophet says men enter Who are you?
says nnb I am a messenger.
He says woman B and WhatsApp Messenger
He says I was sent
will be a Shana celuk What did he send you if it's a normal conversation?
He said besylate in our hub, he he sent me with,
with with connecting between relatives.
He sent me with breaking of idols.
He sent me with declaring that there is no diety other than Allah subhanaw taala
shocking, shockingly, he says to him after this conversation that I would if used my stopwatch wouldn't take more than two minutes in New York, I'm your follower, click on Twitter and follow. Simple as that. See, follow, like to follow him. And then he said, he said to him, I'm coming with you. I'm staying with you. I'll be with you. I want to learn from you said, Don't you see the situation? Don't you see how dangerous is it? It is, you see, my friends are being prosecuted. You can't follow me here in public, you will be in trouble. I'll be in trouble said what do I do? Say go home and teach whoever you want about Islam. For God's sake. I haven't learned anything yet. But
that was enough. So he goes years and years and years and years and years pause. And then he comes again. Do you remember when I told you that not every Muslim migrated to Medina and they were scattered all over but he was one of them. I'm assuming I'm gonna salami comes when I also saw Selim.
Not in Medina because he also said he didn't never invited me to come and join. It is as if you wanted him to do whatever he's doing. And only when Mohammed Salim conquers Mackay comes with an enormous number of these people. It says Yara Salalah. Do you remember? He said, Of course I do. I'm long time ago. How are things says look at them. They're all your followers? How do you make sense of that? I think it has something to do not with mental change. But with sentimental feeling chain. I don't want you to weep and cry, I want you to understand, because that is what will be relevant to you. What do you mean,
ladies and gentlemen, I have learned through studying communications skills.
That only 7%
the words that we say, impact our audience. The rest of the 93% is nonverbal communication.
It is not what we say. It's how we say it. It's the body language. It's the facial expression. It's the tone within my within my voice, that what will reveal whether you're passionate about what you say, and that what will make me listen to you. Even if you mispronounce the word, or you speak with an accent. I am more captivated by the passion, more the eloquence of what you say. This is not to mean that our saw Selim was not eloquent. But in a halal way, I bet you that those people are going to sell me and others. So from the Prophet, what we will never see just merely by reading the text. If you try to understand why it has changed by the conversation that wouldn't take more than two
minutes, you will fail to do that. Because in that two minutes, he is experiencing emotions that you will never get it on the standard. You see a man came and heard about the Prophet. And the rumor was that he was a cadaver, he was a liar. And the person just looked at the Prophet while he was speaking. And he said something that till today is like Da Vinci Code to me, I would never understand it. He said, Lisa had a big cat. Now this is not the face of Elia.
For God's sake, how do faces of liars look, maybe we just need to look at some of the politicians. But it's really very difficult when you get to know whether a person is lying or not just simply by looking at his face. And it has nothing to do with how good looking you are, or how handsome you are, or how deep and if you are, it is something else. It is something that touches the hearts of people. It is the tone of voice that has made those who listen to the Prophet when he reads the Quran, Shiva because they have heard that as if it was the boiling kettle, I've never understood whenever I make tea for myself and the kettle boils, I say I cannot make the connection between a
boiling kettle and between the voice of the Prophet but all what I can establish
issue that whenever he did the Koran it had had beyond just a classical Arabic, it had had this tremendous impact on someone like to fail it though See, who nearly have heard the Quran and a few words that you would read day and night and never impact us convert and create radical change I'm talking about. So I tend to think that much of the change that has happened at the time of the Prophet, not much of it to do with conversations, which were very brief and normal in our days, but it's because of the emotions that were exchanged between the two parties. Okay. What How do I benefit from that? you benefit from that in being genuine, and have integrity and honesty and
transparency and passion. Whenever you communicate with anyone in life, be it your wife, beat your husband, beat your chart, beat your teenager, be it your colleagues, be it your coworkers in their work, because if you are pretentious, if you have this upper lip, whatever, this yellowish smile, you might go on in meetings and look professional with your tie and suit. But people think you are the fakers to fake and never beyond your words will you have real impact on people
doesn't mean that you are not logical sensical speak sense. But it means don't put all your eggs in that basket of logic, because that's not going to make or break the final decision or attitude people have towards you.
Something else about change. And I want to present this other case study. And that is to do with flexibility. I said to change you need to be flexible. And the flexibility here is displayed by someone called a to file it don't see a two file is one of the great poets, an expert in language. And he has been told that Mohammed Salah Selim is a magician. So the best way to deal with him when you go and make pull off in combat is to put cotton as much cotton as you can. Or in these today's language, just wear your headset
and become antisocial. And don't listen to anyone. Right. And you'll be safe. But as he was going through the top, he heard he saw he couldn't he can't hear. But he saw Mohammed making it off and his lips are moving. And it see again the nonverbals here, it seems that the way in which also selling was making power of contemplating so passionate and eager, have attracted profane, to be encouraged and tempted to take the cotton away. And he said, to justify this action said I'm a man of literature, and a man of sense logic, not knowing that it's not a matter of logic. It's a matter of emotion. But if the if you will become emotional by starting with the logic, I have no issues
with it. So he took the cotton away. And he said, I'm a man who could distinguish between a magician, etc, etc. And between a genuine, real person, he took an encounter the voice, yes, it's the verses. But to me, it's not just the verses, but it's the voice of the Prophet. That's why I said to you, every prophet must have a nice voice. Because Allah subhanaw taala knows that not every change is going to be logical
that much of the change will be emotional. And in most cases, it's that which is durable. It's the love. It's the passion. It's You know what, what's coming popular these days in self development books is something called grit. Go to tech talks, and just type the word grit.
Do you know what grit is? criticism you do something
so laborious, so painful. But even then was doing it, you lose touch of time. And you lose touch of appetite that someone comes to you and says, gosh, for the last 12 hours, you haven't eaten something? And you say, what time is it? Okay, just give me give me a biscuit or something.
And by the way, when I used to give talks in the past about him, I used to mention stories about those people, Obama that their mothers would be feeding them without them being conscious that their mothers are feeding them just to keep them alive. Because he's so engrossed with the book that we and you would sleep after reading the first page. That's great. Another word is well, it's called flow. Flow again, is that is being in the flow flow is again, when you're so mesmerized and so enjoying what you are doing that you lose touch of your surrounding.
Rather than sham. How can I experience my flow? You need to tap into your real talent rather than sham. What's my real talent? I don't know. Go and purchase this book called Strengths Finder and get to know your talent. Once you tap on it and build it you will feel the grit and the flow, rather a sham. Do you feel the Gritten the flow when you're doing what you're doing? Yes. I would have loved it more if my voice was clearer. But I love it rather than Sham would you be
Accepting to teach in university even if you don't pay, don't get paid? Well, actually, yes. But I don't want to tell them that.
Bradley sharp, do you think that the mother of Moosa was enjoy enjoying breastfeeding? What everyone doesn't know, but she knows that this is the lips of our son. And guess what she's getting paid for it? Yes, I know that.
That is the moment of flow and grit.
And every time for all he would say, Enough, enough breastfeeding, she would say, No, no, leave him with me a little bit, an hour, two hours. This feeling you can do it while writing a book, this feeling you can have it while you're drawing a paint this feeling you could have it while you're cycling. That's what flow that's what's great. Right. And that comes with things that are emotional to fail. At Dempsey. Last thing. Change, Congratulation, we are done. After five minutes.
One of the incentives of change
is to look at the opportunities that the new phase is promising you rather than to have nostalgia and
the sort of habits that used to enjoy in the past.
I think I said it, clearly. But I'll tell you, I'll clarify it more. Let me just give you an example. The last case, I used to, by the way, give talks and I remember, forces made a tour for me.
And the title of the talk was U turn, U turn. And I studied II said stories of those who have changed 980 degrees 90 189 90 180 as long as not 360. You turn right you turn I spoke about many, many years ago, and it used to be extremely popular. And I remember giving it at Manchester University that was back in the 1990s. And people were laughing I don't know why. But anyway, it was it was it was a fun experience. I was I was always interested in change, and why do people change etc. Now,
one of the people who had a very unpleasant experience in his life was Abu thermal refinery, without a refinery is a well known companion. But you know what a Buddha used to do before he converted. He was a robber.
He would come to you in the middle of the night, can you shut the lights, he would come to you in the middle of that I do sometimes this with my students, and they fall asleep rather. But anyway.
He comes to you in the middle of the night and robs you would have his soul he was ever everything you would take your money and then he will let you go. That's how he made money. And and he seemed to have enjoyed it. You have all sorts of experiences and stories that he could share with you, because he has been doing this for the last 10 1520 years. But but but for some reason he was visiting Mecca, it seems that he had relatives abroad, Emily fari is from a tribe called VFR and refer I searched it in the map. It's about two to three kilometers or four kilometers outside look. But he had some sort of relatives, right. So he came and he visited me. And then he heard about the
Prophet accidentally. And the fact that no one was allowed to talk to the Prophet encouraged him to talk to him because he doesn't feel anyone know. And oh, that doesn't mean anything to him. And then he
he spoke with the prophet SAW Selim. And believe me, brothers and sisters go and check the conversation very similar in brief 32, I'm assuming, and he converted. And guess what happened after he converted? He said to sell him. Now. Tell me, tell me Salalah I'm gonna sell me left. Remember? He said go? Don't you see the situation. A Buddha was a troublemaker. He said, Tell me who is the most person that will never keep a secret. I want to be beaten up. I want to beat up some guy and I will go and tell him that I have converted.
And here I stopped. And I want to conclude by saying that this is a person that the moment he has changed, has always begun or become thinking about the opportunities that has opened for him after the change. I am a Muslim now. Tell me what is it that I can do
with thinking like this, you induce the change with thinking like this, you will do things that are new, but you will do them regularly, that with time they will become your comfort zone. But if one feet is not having the nostalgia and the crazy
And the withdrawal symptoms and he feeling that I have quit smoking, and another one is a little bit hesitant of the change in most cases, you will go like that. And that is the reason why many people when they change the relapse again,
this is not to frustrate you, this is to make you understand the dynamics of the process. And to always help you think more like that, rather than like this, which in most cases will turn like that, because this is your comfort zone. So the point is that when you change, give your time, give yourself time to familiarize yourself within you,
which which which will be your comfort zone, but it takes time, it will not happen immediately. And this is the threshold that you need to endure. So endurance is very important, and is very crucial. Ladies and gentlemen, with child I spoke about love that a mother or a witness can give and the environment that should be provided to the child for the child to gain the social skills, the physical skills, to learn about life in a context of fun, enjoy. And the third is to tell the child that you are important that you have great potential that one day, you will have a great career, because it is that that will build the child's self esteem. With Mohammed, the teenager, it was not
just about love, which was crucial and is important. But it was also about the respect that you give the teenager who is going through a transitionary phase and want to get this sort of support that he's accepted as he is with with that transition process. And the reason you're doing both love and respect is that because you are building in that process, that inner voice with the environment, I try to empower you to be dominant and hegemon have some sort of hegemony or hegemony on your environment. And I intended to II saw to inspire you by giving you cases of monotheists women, non Arabs and him him of course means sallallahu alayhi wasallam. With Mohammed they're young, on life
and marriage in his 20s and 30s wanted to focus on three things I wanted to focus on providing society with services, not any Tom Dick and Harry services, but unique linchpin, Creative Services, I inspired you also with Yousef, and what he offered. And number two, talking about social network, building friendship, but also choosing your friends to be in principles like you, but also other than the principles diverse in the background and experiences that they bring to that friendship. But I also talk about marriage. And I spoke about the looks versus the personality, which to me is important. Mohammed in his 40s was about solitude
and was about training, and more importantly, endurance because
there is no gain without. without pain. You said it. Zach Miller here, thank you so much. And I hope one day we will meet I don't know when and where. But I'm so honored to have met you today. Make the art for me. And please, whatever you learned, try to spread and try to inculcate in yourself family and your circles, wherever that exists. Thank you so much.