#01 Fiqh of Family – Book of Nikah
Channel: Hatem al-Haj
Series: Hatem al-Haj - Fiqh of Family
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Episode Transcript ©
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salatu salam ala rasulillah earlier savvy on
the to proceed. So today inshallah we are getting
closer, it's not called
By Allah, you know that we're going over get up along down the
road for the AMA who died in the year 620 after header and this is a honeyberry primer or many Well,
according to the honeyberry mess up and we provide like comparative somewhat comparative commentary
so today we will start these chapters that are under the category of heroes in the modern classification of the class at least a couple a better difficult worship
of interactions happen mama is there after divided into
mama Latin Malaya, that's financial transactions and Filipinos, that is family law and then
the club judiciary
and so on.
So today inshallah, we will start with the section on fellows. And if you remember, we had we did before, but because we want to finish the book from cover to cover in the same order
that the Melbourne has
had, then we should probably go over for closer now, because we just finished a couple of inheritance. So what did we finish so far? We did four.
And then we started the fact of worship, which is the first section in the book, and then we did a Latin Malaya, the talk of financial transactions, you remember we did that? Okay. And then we did the fact of inheritance.
And then we'll start preparato redo fabulosa
family, and then next will be what?
Then, you know, for kids.
And they had they had an engineer of the heaven and judiciary and, you know, Penal Law and sort of, all of that is going to be after
a timeout, when a man when there is like a small section in the middle, between a family and the faculty of jihad and judiciary is dedicated to foods
and proper slaughtering and hunting a man when is your oath and vows. So
inshallah, we will,
hopefully have like,
one year to finish maybe
the entire book.
You know, by the way, the book will be out in Sharla in one or two weeks, but inshallah we will have one year to finish the entire book, six months for a family maybe. And then one month for
foods and proper slaughter, Indian hunting, hosts and vows, and then five months for Jihad and judiciary
and criminal law.
So, this particular section,
started by appropriately buy
the book of nikka nica or marriage, and what doesn't mean,
you know, that they divide things into books and chapters kotoba web and GitHub, and GitHub means something of larger size or larger importance, and then above with the chapters.
But it is not like it's not that GitHub will always be that web will are always subsections of
something sometimes if a chapter would be called, just because it was like too long to be called a chapter or too important to be called the chapter so they would call the takita. So it is not like our events have divided into a web or books are then subdivided into
chapters and that is something that confuses people that sometimes, so Kitab inika, the book of nicaea. And what does make me naked.
means marriage, right?
It's not that simple, but because it doesn't take care of me in the contract of marriage, that is basically the marriage contract or the consummation of marriage or the consummation of marriage. Sometimes it refers to the contract of marriage in the, in the, in the book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger sallallahu wasallam. And sometimes it refers to the Colosseum, sometimes the contract and sometimes the consummation, and, you know, and then they talk about hockey and mergers and for those scholars who have that division into hockey, Pan jazz, so, is it literal for a is literal for the contract metaphorical for a consummation or vice versa? They have a discussion about
this and some say this and some say that, and it is likely happy and both it's likely literally in both and it will always depend on the context and from that context, you will understand whether it refers to the contract or refers to the consummation of marriage. And when you have a word like this that could mean more than one thing that is called what what is the relationship between the word and the reference here.
Exactly stir up that's love the monster is the rock and that relationship between words and
static would mean what the same word means different things means a different thing things. So, in Arabic for instance, lying means this I it means a Well it means a spy. And so, this Yeah.
So, one word the meaning different things, different reference for one term different reference. So, that is a stock that is called
the most famous example on a stock is worth a
quarter yes a quarter
a woman needs to wait three quarters here waiting periods three four is a mean the period of bleeding or the period of
purity between the two periods of bleeding. So toggle or hide the menstrual period or the period the duration between the two menstrual periods and it is not static, it could mean this it could mean that and that you know love them will start up could result in 50 disagreements because some of the scholars would say it means this and some would say it means that Okay, so who in in tsunami de la de Rahim Allah, he talks about the relationship between words and reference. And he says when it
comes to examine the land of sunny touch are gone.
For the Elan mine he comes to XM in Milan, consider signing out on the shackle
Tara Dooku what is the rock rocks? What is the rock rock so
when is better luck
when it comes to accident and data knock Sani on Chaka Khan, Tara Dooku when Esther aku
Chaka Khan takanobu what is the rock rock sutra the restaurant sutra. So, what does he mean by this?
So, that means that our relationship relationship
our files would be the words or the terms
and it would be the meanings it here means the reference that which you are referring to that which the word refers to reference to examine five
there are not any no less
xo hood, Tara Dooku
parotta on with being concordance.
Shaku Cohen with me mean partial Critical Control and
takanobu would mean variance.
Well, it could mean
Toronto Ford mean synonymy
I guess I'm spelling right? tsunami, okay. So the auto means can cordon so that what does that mean? When you say insane, insane applies to each one of us in the same way when he say in SAM. So you say Mohammed is insane that is complete concordance
because my there is no more intent. You know, Mohammed is not more insane than me. And I'm not more insane than Mohammed for instance, that is complete concordance complete provato. The loves completely applies to the referent.
In the same way it applies to all reference, the equally applies all reference. Is it clear? Okay, Tasha, cook, Tasha cook is partial concordance. What do you mean by partial concordance?
Yeah, so when we say light, for instance, it applies to this light and applies to the light of the sun, in the same way, in the same degree, no to different degrees, that shackle to shackle to different degrees when you say white, it applies, you know, certainly nowadays they have like, like 200 types of whites. But why, why it would have applied to lie a lot of things in their times. They're called White. But but but even nowadays, when you say white, there are hundreds of whites. What do you mean by Why? Hundreds of whites that's called the shackle. That's partial concordance. So the word applies the reference to varying degrees.
They all apply. It's all No, this is no this is not that snore. It's all no but certain intervals are not the same in in their newness. In their knowingness, they are not the same. In their whiteness, they're not the same whites are not the same in their whiteness, takaku variance variance, when we say variants,
means that it does not apply.
You know, so the word the florist or horse does not apply to me. Right? Hopefully. So it does. And then table does not apply to me. It's the variance. You know, this is the but variance
could be different things, you know, from a different perspective, from a logical perspective, not a linguistic perspective. It could be three different types. It could be three different types could be a biome
It could be a bond,
and it could be an apple.
So what is the biome? They are at variance? When I say tall and read, tall read? What's the relation between them the value variance, you know, can they can something be tall and red? Yes, can something be tall but not red, red, but not all? Not red or tall? w Okay. What is the bar? The bar means mutually exclusive, but not jointly exhaustive.
Which means what? The law of non contradiction, the law of non contradiction. can something be red and blue at the same time in the same respect.
So it's like can't be red and blue. No
You don't, you just don't make certainly we're not mixing anything now.
You know, it's red and blue.
So it is.
So, yeah. But so this is called what mutually exclusive, it's either red or blue. But it's jointly exhaustive. jointly exhaustive means what? It's me, you know, it is this, it's the law of the excluded middle, can something be not red or blue? Yes. So it's mutually exclusive, but it is not jointly exhaustive, right. So something cannot be red and blue at the same time. But it may be not red or blue. In Arabic, we use like, a little bit, you know, they use like, mutually exclusive and jointly exhaustive, which is pretty expressive. But in Arabic, we use simpler words that are
very powerful. If we say yes thing, and we are
less than me, I will call the FBI. So when it comes to talad, we say lead fermion.
When it comes to the blog, we say they are mutually exclusive. Last time they came to be together, we'll cut the RFI, both of them may not be applicable, you know, something may not be either red, or blue. But when it comes to Panopto, which is the law of the excluded metadata, the law of the excluded third, it's not this way, because it's mutually exclusive and jointly exhaustive, such as what
sukoon and hardaker. You know, if something cannot be stilled and moving at the same time, in the same respect, at the same time in the same respect. So it's either moving or still.
And in this case, it's called Tanaka. It's not about why, because they are not only mutually exclusive, it's either or, but they're also jointly exhaustive.
Meaning there is no third, there is no middle. It's it has to be either this or that. And that's it during the exhaustive. Let's let me on what I have led me on what are the VR, so it has to be one of the two. So these are different types of variants. So he said a lot on the Shakuntala for concordance partial concordance and variants. What is dirocco xo Tara Dooku palesa me, and the opposite of it is synonyme palesa. me is what we have been talking about inika belongs to this category, Annika could mean, the contract of marriage could mean the consummation of marriage, it belongs to that category. polysemy, wax Oxford anatomy. sternotomy is when many words refer to one
reference. many words refer to one reference, the opposite of this. This means this is one word they're referring to many reference. This here means one reference many words to refer to that thing, you know that the lion has 50 different names in Arabic.
So there are Corrado, in Arabic, particularly Arabic is extremely rich with words. There's a lot of Corrado.
Okay, so then me means either the contract of marriage or consummation of marriage, the contract of marriage or consummation of marriage. The other word for nicaea is called Word
zealot. And this is a beautiful word also
beautiful word because that means what that would you know that there is there was no Zelda. In Arabic, there is nothing called Zelda,
which is the feminine form of zote, who is always out there which is out there. Zelda means the husband that it means the wife and it means the couple. The same word means the husband, the wife, and the couple as if the marriage is the fusion of two entities into one, the fusion of two entities into one. So when the food is a widget when the souls are paired in sort of the taquito and the food is a widget when the souls are paired, have the paragraphs of souls.
So that is what
is about it's about the pairing of souls and the fusion of two entities into one.
intended to be permanent, intended to be permanent.
So let's get our nickel
Get up and eat
Okay Can someone say the two verses of poetry?
Can I say them?
to examine blocsonic Chaka Khan decarlo what is the rock rock sutra what is the rock rocks motto? The relationship between the word words and the reference are five divisions, no less concordance partial concordance and variants and listen me and the opposite of it is anonyme Okay.
What do you say?
mention an intimate setting in secret knowledge, set and moments when animosity or marriage
is from the sun or the way of the messengers
in public, as well.
We have sent messengers before you and we have
bestowed on them or we have granted them or we have assigned to them as well to other
spouses and wives here, wives and
their offspring, descendants children. So it is an insulin and mortality.
And it is the way of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam all of us know the hadith of Allah Subhanallah the low on mu where the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, what I can also move
away from Rocky Mountain knotty, Felisa many but as for me, I
fast and I break my fast and I pray at night and I sleep and I marry women and whoever deviates or swerves from my son is not from me is not of my followers and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam also said lazzaro rottefella Islam there is no monasticism and Islam, la serata. Islam there is no monasticism in Islam. And monasticism, what it does is basically it takes the most righteous, and God fearing conscientious members of the society and isolates them. And I, you know, maybe at the surface, it sounds like a good idea. But that is when human beings do to themselves, when they do things that are not prescribed, when they start to use their intellect, they may do things that may
seemingly look fine and good. But at the end of the day, they could be detrimental and destructive, because when you isolate the most righteous members of the society, that you know, remove them from the society, you're hurting the society, because they would have been more sort of conducive to goodness and the spread of goodness. And
if they remained in the society, and you're also giving the illusion to people that you can't really be
a member of the society, like if you if you belong to this world, if you are going to be one of us, you can be pure, because to be pure, you don't have to move out.
So it gives us sort of like, you know,
sense of despair, of being able to reach pure purity and sanctity, if you're going to be a member of the society. So
so that's why there is no monasticism in Islam.
We stay involved we stay part of the society. But
as we said, you know, your your focus of attention, adoration and worship, is Allah subhanaw taala. Your ultimate goal is His pleasure. You're not being distracted by any any thing from your ultimate goal.
So there is no monasticism and Islam and it is the way of the messengers
and the best of mankind, they had wives and they had children, Ebrahim, you know,
They did have wives and children.
Well after aminata funnily enough, a better it is better than forsaking it for the supererogatory acts of worship. It is better than forsaken it for this
supererogatory acts of worship. Now, he says the raw data has nothing to do a color master of suburbia minister amin Kumar, failure of a doodle bursary. For German let me start with something.
This is because the Prophet sallallahu Sallam disapproved of alternative animals owns attempt at celibacy. Moreover, he said, Oh young people, let those of you who can afford the marriage get married for two and help them lower their gaze and protect their chastity. And for those who cannot afford it, they may fast for it curbs their sexual desire for fast and curbs their sexual desire.
So he says will often in a timely manner can lead to a better and it is better than forsaking it for the supererogatory acts of worship or for complete devotion to the worship. That's ritual worship, because you are worshiping Allah through marriage and through taking care of your kids and through kindness to your spouse, and all of that stuff. In the in the in the proper sense of the word worship, you are worshipping Allah through all of this. But when it comes to the ritual of acts of worship, some people may want to devote themselves to ritual acts of worship, and therefore not get married. And for those people, we say to them, the best had the or higher lady had the Mohammed and
sell or sell them. The best way, the best guidance is the guidance of Mohammed Al salam, the best way is the way of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam. Now, some people for their own circumstances, they may not get married, but we do not basically copied from them, because they may have had different circumstances we copy from the Prophet sallallahu Sallam for anyone else, they may have special circumstances. So we cannot say that the moment that we enter the moment they may have, for instance, were deficient spiritually, because they did not get married. No, they did not get married, because they were too busy. But if we say that they did not get married,
because they were like too good for marriage, then we are saying that the Prophet was not, you know, that that certainly would be inappropriate, but for their own circumstances, their own times, their own personal circumstances and so on. They were too busy
to get married the because of personal and circumstantial variables that we so we are not copying from them. But if someone had similar circumstances,
or someone for some reason did not get married, or that not, you know, is not married, then we say that that's fine, you would be completely
fine, spiritually complete. Without that marriage, great people have not been married, including some of the messengers. It's not like he
was not married.
But as a default as a rule as a principle.
Marriage is better than dedicating oneself to the ritual acts of worship. Know, when asked Islam and Islam last Aurora, Phil is
so what is the ruling of marriage then?
And it you know, marrying one time it does not basically does not cut it, they say that is not, you know, because some people say well, okay, if it is important, and it's this one that are married one time and just get over with and then the rest of my life about Sure.
They actually pointed out that it would not be fulfilling this one, this one is much, much more at home is more Jimmy alarm is throw out one's life. What is this? What is the ruling of marriage, in this case, the ruling of marriage as you may I sent you the document, the ruling of marriage is you know, so now, that's the default, but it could be anywhere from one to two Hara could be anywhere from logic taharah can attack the fear Trump's the five legal values will apply to marriage, but the default is seven and the default is seven according to the scholars, all scholars consider marriage to be certain by default, you can to get anything clear then, whether you know the Hadith of the
Prophet sallallahu Sallam and so on are very clear. Manage is, you know, favorable, you know, commendable advise recommended, that is for sure. But could it be well DBS and it could be wider actually according to all of the scholars as
Nia Hanafi scholar a great Hanafi scholars
that it would be well
Someone has lost a
great loss and has the means to get married to protect them from falling into fitna or sexual impropriety. So, if someone has great loss and the same time is capable as the means to get married, then it is then what is the meaning of marriage? Where the mandatory Okay, well what if someone and this actually has not been clearly stated by the by the harm buddies, but what if someone would hurt whoever they will get married, they will for short hurt them, they will cause them harm. This is explicitly stated by the HANA fees like Aberdeen and hashey and the Maliki's and so on, but certainly is is inferred from
the you know, the Hanbury Maxim's What if someone because the purpose of circumcision, there should be no harm or reciprocation of art. When if someone will not,
you know, when hurt their their spouse than marriage is haram for them than marriage is haram for them. Well, if someone
Okay, so what if someone has
no lust? So has no desire? And some people are like that, you know, they have no desire, no, not just no lust, but they have no desire, you know? And for those people, for those people, shall we say that marriage is recommended or marriage is
you know, permissible or marriages mcru marriages disliked for people who have no desire, it can actually be any of that, you know,
it could be recommended it could be mobile, and it could be macro and it depends on other variables. You know, do they have the means? Will they hurt their their their spouses? Are they going to be just like, sort of emotionally frigid, burdensome, like they'll drive their spouses crazy, then then it could be certainly on the side of camera, it could be unfavorable to get married, if you fear that you may harm your spouse, but if the harm is real and substantive, you know,
sort of not imaginary is real substantive harm then it is forbidden, as explicitly stated by the hierarchies and the Maliki's. So
can marriage then be anything of the five League of values could be haram? Yes, it could be Haram, if you will,
sort of cause substantive harm to your spouse could be aware of if there is desire and the means to get married and one fears for from fitna.
By default, it belongs to the category of Cerner, which is recommended. But it could also be our macro, depending on the amount of desire and the means and the possibility of harming this, folks.
I hope that's clear. Then
Then the six shift mentioned
this very hot, easier monster of suburban
or young people, those of you who can afford marriage to get married. And that's what it means what that if you cannot afford to get married, don't get married.
It has been reported, you know, and have any method that you borrow when you get married.
you know, if you just go by the hobbies, it is clear that if you cannot afford to get married, just don't get married, don't get yourself into a mess and when you don't know how to get out of it.
You do need to be capable of that's exactly what he said.
you fast, you don't get me He did not say whoever cannot afford it, let them still get married, he said fast.
Moreover, he said oh young people that those of you who can afford marriage get married for it will help them lower their gaze and protect their chastity and for those who cannot afford it. They may Fast Forward curves the sexual desire and certainly someone
and certainly it is not legal to have more than one wife here in the United States. But even if it is legal, then they said that it is not
Doesn't have to have more than one wife because of the extra burden. So it is more about what is permissible and we certainly do not, we have to be very careful to not have any doubts about shatta. wale about the
laws of the, you know, the prescribed laws of Allah subhanaw taala. But it is not like everybody should have a second wife. In fact, it is stated that it is not recommended to have a second
because of the extra burden.
And for people who cannot afford the second if the prophets of Salaam is saying, if you can't afford the first don't get married and fast, it makes perfect sense that if you cannot afford the second you just like Yeah.
Because like some people say, No, you just said it would work out. And then the you know, I told you before about this particular person. You know, people here are so versatile, particularly when they convert or when they start practicing Islam, they just anything to be here.
They take it to heart, which shows their sincerity, but also shows their volatility. So this young man who started practicing, you know, he has Muslim parents and everything, but he started practicing. He was married and someone told them, you know, get married a second time, and I don't know, but when
someone came down, and he didn't have he told them to marry a second one. And then he still was very poor, he thought to marry a third one. Third one, she knew how to spin and like, she know weaving and spinning and stuff. She thought the first and the second and they were doing this stuff and he was selling and marketing. And everything became so
rosy and perfect.
Okay, so he did actually
follow through with it all the way to the third. And it just all fell apart on his head.
alongside so it's a he said woman living in South Africa, he does something.
And for those who cannot afford that they may fast for it curbs their sexual desire for those
who cannot afford it. And that's the that's the problem. People who just don't like read the Hadees if you can just fast they didn't say like second or third.
But then fasting fasting is the prescription of the prophet SAW Southern for people who will have the last but they don't have the means to get married. Fasting is the prescription of the prophecies that are for people who have the lust, but they don't have the means to get married. Does that mean that it is the only prescription? No, it does not. And if you read the document, it is not the only prescription. It is the ultimate it is the prophetic prescription it's the best way to deal with it is it basically helps you in different respects in different regards, you get also the reward of fasting and so fasting is certainly the ultimate prescription in this regard, but it is not the only
prescription and as I said in the document you need to keep good company you need to get busy, you need to lower your gaze and avoid you know sexual any means or anything that will lead to sexual impropriety. Give keep good company, get yourself busy doing virtuous things, doing great things. Whether it is you know, excelling in, you know, your your master's degree, doing your masters or sports or anything that will keep you busy and just keeps you away from your thoughts and avoid seclusion and keep good company and things of that nature. But also I said
that you could get engaged. If you can't get married, you can get engaged particularly for people who are in college and they can't get married. Now they can have this three step sort of plan to marriage and they can get engaged and then they can get contracted
in gauged contract.
And then consummation that you can get really married like consummate albena. So we have the hip but we have an arc then we haven't been These are three different concepts of
albina. And as I said, and
you know, the document they sent you engaged, that doesn't offer you much yourself foreign both or your foreign teacher there you could look and we'll talk about how much you can look at or what is it that you could look at.
But certainly there is no touching and there is no seclusion, yourself pouring to each other as an OBE
imaginably laughter is the contract is the second step. And that makes you a wife and a husband with a promise to The Guardian, that you will defer the consummation, the promise needs to be respected. But it does not mean that it was not respected that we, that someone would have fallen into Zina because they are a wife and a husband, full blown wife and husband, the opposite makes them a full blown wife and husband, it's only that there is some explicit or implicit promise to The Guardian to defer the consummation until they move in together. If there is one, because the Guardian could be completely fine with consummation, before we move on together, then if the Guardian is fine, she's
fine, he's fine. No one can, you know, no one has any business to do.
Between them, we have three people here who are fine, The Guardian, that were they, the bride and the groom. And if they are fine, not moving in and consummating the marriage before they move in, then it's fine. But if the if they want to wait on consummation, until they move in, then they then you have these three steps one, two, and three. And that gives a little bit of basically some emotional solace and comfort for people who cannot get married, now they at least have someone
that they're sort of, that they can think of,
in a good way, you know,
just some emotional connection, because some for some people, it's the emotional connection, that
emotional nurture, that they need more than biological one.
And finally, for the people who are just not all of them, you know, fasting and sports and getting busy with your master's degree or getting engaged, nothing is working.
And they just have explosive lust. And some people do have, you know, a lot of loss.
Then according to the canopies and berries, and I mentioned the canopies first to take the brunt of the
according to the hierarchies, and that is self stimulation would be permissible for those people. And I'm not going to translate the stimulation.
Then the chick said, woman at other
fella, another minha
karate cafe, how academia, whoever wants to propose to a woman is entitled to look at what customarily appears such as her face, hands and feet, such as her face, hands and feet, I
have some issues to discuss here. But before I discuss them this this is now the discussion. Where do you find the discussion on the sort of the
proper Qaeda, or the our the nakedness to be covered for women usually find them in two different places, you find them in the chapters of a salon, and you find them in this particular chapter of his book. That's where you find them, if you want to look through and one of the things that are important is to learn where to find things in the books of others, because sometimes they have things in different chapters, and in order for you to look in, you could search now
these, even this is an outdated discussion manual.
But but in the past, in the good old days, you had to really know where to find things,
where to find particular subjects and so on. So anyway, they are discussed in one of these two chapters. And because they are discussed in one of these two chapters, sometimes sometimes some of the scholars say that our Salah is different from one another, that the nakedness to be covered. And the prayer is different from the naked nakedness to be covered in front of foreign men. And some people say no, they're the same one in the same. We're not going to get into that discussion, but we will briefly go over the agenda to be covered according to the forum as I have without discussing the favorable my favorable position, because it doesn't mean much. So that I will have to be covered
accordance according to a two which is like another strong position and many men have men may be a little bit
short of being a one or the sort of the official position. It is like a competitor with authorized position. So a two plus h plus m plus s which makes it the form of but it's a two not a
So the three must have had the one report and the hanratty method that is comparable comparable probably
not no, maybe sort of like the second strongest.
In the Hanbury method, they will say face on hands and that's what most people know anyway, face and hands are the only things that are that may be uncovered and the rest is now. And according to a, it is basically Oh is
including the face and the hands and according to h2, which is a popular position in the subcontinent, the act of the face of hands, feet, face, hands, feet are now power, the rest is our h2 that's happy to is actually not h1, it's h2. But it is not a small h it's a capital H meaning that is a strong position it is not a weak position in the hierarchy mother. So these are the basically when we talk about orthodoxy that is basically the sort of the sphere of Orthodoxy here.
These are the three different positions the sphere of Orthodoxy.
Now, having said that, what, what can people look at when they propose to a woman?
so when the
ability to how much can the heart You know, how much the uncovered in front of the American Heart tipsy of the woman that he proposed to or his fiance.
HANA fees, Maliki's and chapter is a sign he cannot see anything
other than what everybody else has seen, which is the face on the hands.
So they don't give him any privilege.
But the hand of his will also allow him to see the feet according to their position. You know, that the feet are not our but the point here is that they don't give the quarterback any extra privilege, just like everybody else. Yeah, you know,
And you guys have to be grateful here
and show gratitude.
But the Hammerhead is sad. The as
you can see what customarily appears, and this would be also available for the for the sister to show what customarily appears, what customarily appears would be customary appears meaning at home, not outside in the street. What kind of customary appears according to the authorized position in the method. They say the face,
and the feet.
Because you don't want to cover those at home, right? face, hands, neck and feet.
That's an authorized position in the method, the procedure I believe in, which is another position in the method. You hope to cover the infamous hub it's in the body nomads in different books. The activists are
and some people without
but forget about the headers enough.
So that would be that would be that's the authorized position. Having the head is my favorable position. Why? Because even Italian even the rational rational argument they are making what customarily appears that is what has been reported? What customarily appears at home, you know, women do not necessarily cover their head at home. If you're saying that this is what customarily appears at home, face, hands, neck and feed. The head also is what customarily appears at home. So it is face hands, neck, feet head is so Hazara, they actually mentioned that she can go out.
feet up to the knees, what kind of feet are
no, actually it was mentioned, that is what I said. And they also said it's a pain, the legs, but I just no feet is not the legs. So I omitted this intentionally, but you have to bring it back.
But then, but then also also had I was there I said more than this, he said, whatever you know.
And Harry's and this is also an important embedding method that is not the authorized report.
They said anything, they just said whatever.
But does that mean that she will come out like that? No, it you know, there are two different points here. Those who said this, you know, the limited to face hands, neck feet head,
whether the out of the head or not, they also meant to the chicken come out this way.
Those who said more than that, which is heads and and weak report and the 100 emails a week reported by the method anxieties, those who said more unlimited.
They did not say that she will come out like this, or that he would ask her to come out play this, they say that if he had the chance of looking at something that will encourage him, motivate him to propose to her if that is the purpose, and he is completely sincere. You know, he's not just like playing around. That's the purpose that he's completely sincere, then he can look at whatever that would encourage him to propose to her
that say that the sphere of Orthodoxy here
does not include that position. It's it's a child's position that he can look at anything. And let us put this position including the these reports within the hungry mouth hub, inside the sphere of Orthodoxy. So it is between between face on hands on the one end of the sphere of Orthodoxy, and face, hands, feet neck had had the other end of Orthodoxy. And then there are some positions that are
outside of the sphere of Orthodoxy sphere of Orthodoxy does not mean that the vineries are not orthodox, it just means that this particular position has not really been really mainstreamed.
It's an opposition has not been mainstream, they understood it from the statement of the prophet SAW Sutherland, Panasonic yada, yada yada, so, if he can see something that will encourage him to marry her,
then let him do that. So, but this is, this is again, a little bit
peculiar opposition. So what does this What does this sister do?
She can come out,
covered, except for from here, upwards?
And the feet and the hands? And what does that? Well, if she came out with her hijab on, can you say, can you take this off?
No, it'd be crazy. I mean, first of all, it's a controversial issue. Second, who would say to a woman you know, I want you to take this off. It's just like a crazy thing.
if you really want the way they used to do within the past, then you send your mother
to figure out
whatever questions you need answered,
but but looking is important too, because that is the Medina coma. This is more conducive to sort of
success in marriage, you know, continuity of marriage and so on. Because in the past, people did not really look.
They just went by the description. And that is really like, you know, the first time you're seeing your wife is after signing the contract, and that is really
unfavorable, and that's what the prophet sallallahu Sallam said,
segment from Lance, I came to the professor Solomon, he said I proposed and he said another layer for interfering with
Man was a dude he was from Mecca and you know, the Americans have wide eyes. The Medina ins have narrow eyes, small eyes. So the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said,
Have you looked at her? He said no, he said, Andre Have a
look at her because there is something about the eyes of
the prophets of Southern Mary of alonside. He did. Does that mean? Does that mean that the prophets of Salaam is basically this a, you know, discouraging him from marrying the woman who looks different? No, it is not. He's just saying, if you're happy with that, that's fine. But don't marry someone that you will not be happy with their physical features so that you don't regret it in the future. And
yeah, pets, it is basically a particular precautionary measure to make sure that you are happy with how your spouse looks, and that applies to the sisters certainly, but the further sisters, it's easier because the brothers are obviously they're in
their physical features are not being covered.
So on the relay of NFP on Saturday, and then we then then we can say that this is the only time where our physical features are consequential.
The only time where Islam allows you to basically think of physical features,
physical features of human beings are not consequential in any other respect or any other regard, but only for the purpose of
what is the you know, success of marriage or
good word for this, but this is
longevity, continuity of marriage and so on. People need to be comfortable with each other's sort of physical features because physical attraction is part of it, even though we tried to downplay it, and we say that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said and in the eastern kamarajar Bali mariology Amalia when it has to be heralded anyhow for developing eatery. So don't be a woman gets married or you know gets proposed to or a moment is married for four reasons the family have for her money, literally half for her beauty.
The house has to be hard for her lineage or
status, socioeconomic status or social status. what it is and for her Dean for diversity dinatale Bhatia DAC is then marry the religious one less you will
Or to prosper, marry the religious one to prosper, marry the religious one. So where did the prophet SAW Southern place the emphasis on piety on morality, you know, is a document of Bona Deena Who
says I will do the same applies
both ways. The Prophet Salim said in the document of Donna Dena mokapu a lot of confidence and clarity for Southern RV. If someone proposes to you and you are pleased with their Deen and their manners, their Deen and their manners, manners also, it you know, some people it could be religious, but they are somewhat stingy. Some people could be religious, but they don't have the proper etiquettes You know, he came in and he sat cross legged in front of my dad, I don't like that. So I you know, you guys
sitting cross legged here is not a problem for you. But if from where I came from if you come in and you sit cross legged in front of the sisters that that's like a big thing. So it means that you You are not well mannered, you know, there's arrogant you're not well mannered, you're just rude etc, etc. So
Can she can she say no, because he came in and say you know, you know process legs in front of me that yes, she can, you know the document or Donna you know, if he is you know, seems a little bit miserly or stingy or not particular to the Jenners, but he's a pious guy and you know, goes to the masjid five times a day everything's good.
Can See that? Yes. Yeah, she doesn't like his manners. She doesn't like his advocates. That's fine. So
Jackman predominate Dino aka Fufu when someone proposes to you and they, you're pleased with their manners and their the van accept his proposal, you know, marry him.
So it applies both ways. The emphasis is on this the emphasis on is on this in the cadenza was that a in the winter puppy. No in Akron, Ohio and Carrie hadn't even had hustle and bustle he said, marry your daughter off when a man came to ask him about his daughter, he said, marry your daughter off to a righteous person, a pious person, if he likes her, if he likes her, he will honor her. And if he does not like her, he will not want her. If he likes her, he would honor her. If he does not like her, he will not run curl. That's the that's only the pious one. Because anyone else they will honor her when the like her. But they may wronged her if they did not like her. Okay, so the, but then at
the same time that the prophet SAW some of them say that all of the above does not apply or should not be considered, he did not say that he said, focus on the deen. But the above does apply. And it applies here. These are personal personal things. So there are no standards here in any one of those. But these are personal things. But what the province of Southern is saying that makin about the Medina and although the prophet SAW Southern married woman from Medina, but he's saying to him, they may look different from what you're used to. If you're happy with that, then fine, if you're not happy with that don't cause her and yourself, you know, anguish and turmoil. Just don't proceed.
That's it. And that's the only time when physical features are basically considered otherwise, they're never considered and there is no justification for their consideration. islamically in any other form of interaction in any other form of interaction.
might use to say the mama used to say, don't ask about her Dean first asked about her beauty first. Because if he asked about her beauty, you know what, why is he saying this? Because he says, If you ask about haredim first, and then he asked about her beauty and so he asked about her Deen first and they tell you she is pious. And then you asked about her beauty and they tell you she is
not that beautiful.
And then you walk away, then you would have rejected a religious person. And that is certainly Empire like inappropriate, suboptimal not good for you to have walked away from a religious person because you
you have concerns about her sort of physical attractiveness.
But if you asked about her physical attractiveness first, and then he asked about her Deen, then you will be basing your ultimate decision on her religiosity. So you ask about her physical attractiveness, then they tell you she's not attractive and you walk away. You don't know if
he did not sort of walk away from someone that you know, you know, is religious. And
so the same applies for the sisters, you know, the, you know, the, you know, if there's not like, here the is not attractive to the, to the person that she has to accept someone she's not attracted to? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. But what we what we encourage people to do is what for the purpose of sort of encourage them to do you put these things in perspective.
But you're mainly concerned about the piety and the manners, you're mainly concerned about the piety and the manners in terms of compatibility and we will talk about, we may talk about compatibility when we talk about the guardianship. So we will not talk about compatibility. Now. We will defer that discussion to when we talk about guardianship or actually in Annika. But in general, whoever wants to propose to a woman is entitled to look at what customarily appears and as we said, that will be faced hands, neck feet, and I would include the head to be charitable and generous to the suitors.
And that's it. And then
there are a couple of other issues that need to be discussed finding suitors for sisters. Finding suitors for sisters as much more difficult than finding suitors for brothers sisters who have a more difficult time finding
suitors particularly Muslims, who are, you know, about three to 4 million people in north in, in the United States of America spread out all across the continent and the continent,
it may be a little bit more difficult for the sisters to find suitors and in this case I did talk about
you know, paying attention to their physical appearance, that is fine. And if you go over the document, you will have the piece of software that had his medical tab who is sort of enhanced her physical appearance for the for the suitors, and that is within the bounds of the Shetty, on within the bounds of Islam proper, he is properly covered and so on, but she is taking care of her physical appearance. Because that, that is important for many people for for most people, they do get first attracted by physical appearance, and we have to be realistic, because the religion is not just about taken us, you know, to fly above the clouds, but it is also about addressing the realities of
human beings. And she does need to take care of her physical appearance.
For that purpose and hobbies of survey are the Prophet did not condemn her for enhancing her physical appearance to be the final self for the hip hop. In their time, that would be as sort of the lower the eyeliner or something.
But if he if he, we don't have to do that, I'm just saying that that was what soba did. And that's how it was reported by Muslim.
And certainly if you say that she did this at home, she was at home. And then you reading the Hadith that bumped into her.
He was walking like he just like at her home is coming out of the living room, for instance, bumped into her walk into the bedroom, who you know, she must have been outside. You know, if foreign men bumped into her, she must have been outside. whoever reads this hadith that he just bumped into her at her home. That's a very weird
scenario. What What was he doing a terrible home to bump into?
Anyway, so, so to take care of their physical appearance to be in places where she can be seen, you know, because if you're just sitting at home all day, and waiting for something, this is not like Karachi or Alexandria or Casablanca is not like the people are all over the place. She will not if she's sitting at home, no one will know about her and no one will see here. So that idea of that you find the candidate repulsive, and some of the sisters may find a little bit repulsive to go to conferences to go to places where she can be noticed, is not a bad idea. For a noble purpose. It is a good idea. Not a bad idea. She wants to get married, it's not like she wants to find a boyfriend,
she wants to get married, that is absolutely fine. And finally, she can propose to somebody, although that is not usual. Not customary. But you know the Hadith of the anus, where he was talking to his daughter about how a woman came and proposed to the property where he came to propose to the prophet SAW settlement she she was naturally said Shame, shame, shame. And as reprimanded her rebuke Tara and he said, he said that she she is much better than you, she did have a liking for the prophet SAW Southern and she proposed to him. So, religiously, that is not a problem that is not problematic. If a woman does have you know, interest in some brother, she can actually walk up to
them and propose to them.
It takes a lot of courage, you know, but but it is not problematic religiously.
So, take care of her physical appearance, make herself noticed, go to the right places for to find the right people and finally propose and that is fine, and we need to just get used to these things, because we should not
sort of create hardship when it is unwilling to for ourselves.
is looking enough.
Looking is not enough. That is why we have that three tiered sort of the three sort of phase
process here. The three phase process here is fitbark danika.
I think it's a perfect process. I think it's a great process, if properly utilized properly utilize this process and it will be a great process. Because looking is not enough. The Sahaba didn't know a lot about each other
We know now about you know each other, is that true, they lived in a small town, everybody knew everybody. So, when someone proposed to you, you already know so much about them, that the process may be much easier. And you could just proceed, you know, fast forward and so on. But it is not true for us. Therefore, spend your time in that first fifth bar, talk, discuss the various you could be in fact, what is some laugh at what another. So you could be in seclusion, the seclusion of hearing about the seclusion advice, it means what, like, you could be in a public place where nobody can hear you, but people can see you, you could be at home, at her home, for instance, where the door is
open, but no one is with you, to hear you. But people can't see you. So it's not paired with another because that is still impermissible, that is kind of like the summer seclusion of hearing where nobody could hear you. And then, you know, talk about everything you want to talk about and make sure that you have, you're compatible, you have the whole tools here, thoughts and your aspirations in life, your interests in life, ensure compatibility before you proceed. And then that is only the first phase that Allah subhanaw taala provided for us. And during this phase, she could be she could have her hair uncovered. You know, as we said, and there is there's
you know, but during, but she doesn't have to, she doesn't like it, don't do it. If you don't like it, don't do it, it's fine.
And he should not ask you to do it if you don't like it.
But the idea here is that this is this is the first phase the second and certainly That is until they are the person is pleased. And then things go back to square one.
So So that's the second one is when you are contracted and when you are contracted, you could go out together could go out. And you could even travel together. The only thing that is not if you are staying in the same room and seclusion that will count legally as what consummation. But it is not a break of the promise, you could still do it, you could still travel together, it could be in the same room, the same the but without consummation. Because what we're talking about here is that to defer the consummation, the actual consummation, this will be considered the legal consultation. Because once the door is closed, it's considered the legally consummation. But it is not a break of
the promise. If you if we have agreed all of us agree that we'll defer this until moving in together, he still could be could sort of have that legal consummation without actual consummation.
If you're able to do that, because some people may not be able to do that. And for those people who may not be able to do that, they should not do something that they cannot handle. But for people who are able to do that, they can do that. But at least they can go out together.
And sort of this is the hideout dating after the country, sort of it's very hard dating, to get the contract signed, and then you're unable to move in together, now. You're just going out together, you're doing things and then you'll get to know each other much better. And then if things fall apart in this phase, consummation did not happen, you know. So at least you know,
the losses are a step contained.
Transformation did not take place. There are no children, there is nothing. And then you could certainly
in the relationship there if you found yourself incompatible, but you had already spent time talking to each other during the HIPAA,
enough time talking to each other that that should have been sufficient.
These are difficult issues to talk about.
But if someone says, you know, after all of this, you know, you still could after marriage, find out that you're not compatible. But people who live together for seven years they still get divorced in the first year after marriage because marriage is a different thing. You know, people who will have lifted non Muslims who have lived together for five or seven years before marriage. They still get divorced after marriage. The most volatile period is that is the few months after marriage. These still have breakups after marriage, even though they have been living together for seven years.
They have three kids, and the you know, the oldest is in kindergarten. So they still get, you know, divorced after marriage, because marriage is a different type of relationship
that has different burdens and has
a completely different
level of relationship. But the process that has been provided by Allah subhanaw taala, the three phase process that has been provided by law should allow you enough opportunity to ensure compatibility and to ensure sort of
being in sync and harmony and so on. The last thing that the sheikh said here that will,
or maybe not,
I guess we could defer this we have two different issues here that left peratallada. But maybe we can quickly cover this one after peratallada tip.
Use Ghana, in a mansion not proposed to a man to whom his brother proposed unless he has not been accepted.
But they also in the other hobbies.
Yeah, true compulsive.
And the other hand is a trigger. So you do not propose to a man is not to propose a woman to whom your brother has proposed. That's like, common sense, right.
But when is it common sense? If she had already shown approval, she and she and her family had already shown what approval acceptance? If someone proposed to a woman and they didn't say anything, and they did not show approval? Can you propose? Yes, because the Prophet proposed to Fatima enterprise on behalf of Osama bin Zayed after Miley and Buddha had proposed to her right. Yes. So if the prophets are seldom acted on behalf of suburbanization and propose to her after two others have proposed to her, it means that not every It is not just any proposal, it's a proposal and then a show of acceptance or approval by the other party.
Is that clear? Okay, now, the
two exceptions here in brokenhearted how we, except if the one who proposed, you know, abandons the proposal walks away from the proposal, certainly you can propose how we ought to permit him. That's a very kind person, right? So is he said that she is such a great
woman. And if I can't marry her, then at least my friend
or my brother or sister like somebody, you know, what could happen that level of altruism could happen, you know, or to give her options, you know, if he don't really like me, maybe you would anyway.
So, that that is
it. This is a very important concept that you do not propose this is like violating the rights of brotherhood is a very important concept. And then understand this concept
and take it to a higher level of abstraction. Also, keep in mind that it is even worse than when we will talk about proposing to a woman who's still in a in an unfair analyze divorce. It is worse to turn a woman against her husband. Absolutely. If you cannot propose to someone that your brother had proposed to. Then the prophets Allah Salah Nana Hadees, sadly, is a minim and Moroccan Allah zodia. He is not one of us. He does not belong to us. He's not one of us. He's not from us. He who turns a woman against her husband, this is reported by
by from a primobolan IRA from Agoura and then it is also for a woman who would allow someone to turn her against her husband she will not smell the fragrance of Paradise insalata Zelda lachemann VEDA but as in for her Rahman la hora
men Salazar talapia.
JOHN, this is so bad. She who asks her husband for divorce without justifying hardship. And as we said before, the justifying hardship includes emotional hardship. She just can't live with him anymore.
But whoever asks her husband for divorce without justifying hardship,
will be barred from the fragrance of Paradise or the fragrance of bird paradise will be
So, these are all important concepts, then we do not propose to a woman after, you know a brother had proposed to her
and she had shown acceptance of the proposal
unless he he terminators are the abandons the proposer walks away or he permits another person to propose. But a woman who had not shown acceptance of the proposal does not owe anyone anything you know, like fatten up in the case. Mohammed said I want to marry you. Mahalia said they want to marry you, the province of Southern said to her No, don't marry them marry you, Sam. Sam is better.
She doesn't she didn't hold anything in the first place. So that is why but has she shown approval to one of them? Has she shown acceptance and approval? The prophets of Salaam would not have acted on behalf of some and proposed on behalf of him. That's it next time inshallah we will go over.
Is it permissible to openly propose marriage?
No, it's not openly proposed? No. Is it permitted isn't permissible to implicitly propose marriage to certain women in their either in the waiting period or not? And then we'll go over the contract of marriage and the Arcana and the sort of the pillars and the conditions of the marriage contract. We'll call the other lady on. You ever learned stuff critical today.
Next week, there is no class in the next week, there is no class and I'll send you a reminder that there will be no class next week.