Before And After You Say I Do

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Hasan Ali

Channel: Hasan Ali

Episode Notes

The Waterlily London on March 10, 2017.

Episode Transcript

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You hear Marsha a lot and ask the question straightaway, how many of you are actually married?

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Okay, I'm sorry.

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How many of you are not my friend Hands up,

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hands up, put your hands up. In between I had some sisters married or not married.

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And all I can say is, you know this, there's not that many brothers

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and sisters here.

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You know, if anybody at any moment feels that, you know, this is the right moment, this is step

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two, three of jobs are saying Bismillah

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you're done. If you just go downstairs to Tesco, buy some dates.

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Most of you here are not married. Most of us some of you're married, which then makes it stressful. The power of finding the right.

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partner for life isn't going to be your person that you want to be with for the rest of your life, that you can't get a hold of it for the rest of your life. You know what that means? That means when he's in his 20s, and you know, he's got all his muscles ripping out from his t shirt. You love him then. But you also gotta love him a time you look at him. And you think that his head toward his head looks at Heathrow Airport.

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Says, to go lucky from the moment that he comes to you with like all the tests and everything. To the moment that he loses his hand, he's gonna lose his hair in his face.

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The 20th anniversary secret guys, if you're losing your hair at a young age, especially the men, if they're losing at a young age has something to do.

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There's a trick not to lose your hair can hold on it.

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The trick is this. You go for a shower, I'm gonna say

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that as well. The trick is, when you go for a shower,

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then the water that you use the temperature

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will decide how long you keep your hair.

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You have hot shower, people love these hot showers, steaming showers, lighting them up.

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Like you know they in another world with a hot shower.

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So I want to say to you I have a hot shower, the hot shower is going straight onto your scalp

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and the roots of your hair getting very soft. You think about the logic of this. And if you stay there for a long time, because we've had a lot you know, like back in the days, if you had to have a shower, you had a bucket, you had a you had a jug and you have the

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All right.

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And when you did that you could only take one bucket inside of two buckets and inside that's what it was. But now that you've got a automatic shot that

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you will eliminate for 45 minutes, one hour, one hour shower. Wow. You know what you just started you just killed off the roots.

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If you're gonna have a long shower like this, turn the temperature down.

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Just turn it down because it gets cold water hits your head. It will it will you know you won't suffer the roots will come down all you're doing is you. You are heating up the scalp. What hot water is coming down and then you're giving it a good scrub. That's how you're losing a lot of hair. That's one another one is that you know my sisters, you don't want to lose it and you better get you better get the jobs are made of cotton. Okay, it's good to have you jobs are made of cotton. So there's a bit of breathing element brothers, you wear hats. You wear hats here, don't wear the hat. Don't have any breathing. You know, elevating the look, if you look at my hat, you'll see alcohols

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in there. You know why? Because

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I used to wear this all the time. I worked for like 10 years in a row when I was studying. And those hard hats that you get is hard hats and maybe Pakistan.

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Maybe made by you know, I don't know whoever lives in the mountains.

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Quite good for putting a man on but I used it to basically the heat used to come inside that is simply too hot and because of that I lost a lot of hair.

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And before I realized that I'm humbled I've saved Mashallah saved a good amount, because I realized that it wasn't the last change. But the heat that you have here will determine how long you have your hair on your head. And the other thing, obviously, is stress. Okay, one of my major factor memories is not the time to get into that. You want to find your person that you want to save the system, you want to find out man, who's going to be with you for the rest of your life. Now you want to find a woman who's going to be with you for the rest of your life. And just Just think about it, okay?

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No woman will ever stay in her natural beauty when she's 20 years old, or 25 years old. And she stays in the same beauty the same thing all the way through, she goes to 1450 there's no woman that goes through that.

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Because what you see in films is not what actually happens this get a hold of the system as well. What do you see because you know, what most of us have been conditioned by, is what we've seen all our lives is the big problem. I don't care how you how you put it, okay. What most men want, what most women want, is what you've been conditioned by your subconscious mind as as a perfect man, or a perfect woman for your life. That's that's what you've got in your mind.

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And who's the perfect woman? You ask anyone the other guys wanting to know someone? And you asked any man, though, they know they have a lot of jokes about these women. But actually, like no women

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that think slim, sleek or about women. You know, that's the curves

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for the women what they want, you know, men, broad shoulders, okay, they've got they've got nice muscular structure.

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Please.

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Now,

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they know that they know, they know

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what the system like they're not strength. Where do you get that from the angels. Who was because of the Quran says when Musa alayhis salam helped the two women when he was traveling, and the two women, they one of them came back, what they realized the plant is not obedient. I mean, is that one he is strong. And the second one is that he's trustworthy. If you really want to get if you really want to get a particular sister or if you want a sister to be interested in your brothers, the way to do it is to actually you know, be strong. Women love that they love strong men, especially strong in the mentality. They just don't want a strong man and strong muscular thing you know, sometimes

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you see these muscular guys Mashallah just come up to come on the gym. Like he could rip like two minute pop, I want to speak says

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they don't want to stop inside.

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They want to manage to get men who are not that muscular women will still fall in love with you. If you're strong mentally, in mentally a strong woman will still fall in love.

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And the same, you know, this is what most people do is that most people fall into the trap of whatever is commonly shown to us and has been shown to us throughout our lives. And what that is, is the media it's the adverts, the soap bars, the shampoos, the people that have been advertised on there, the addresses on TV and the commercials that came across your eyes and all of that somehow makes you think this is going to be the right woman for me. So for example if you are if you ask a man from the Western society and you say would you actually like you know a woman with you know, Mashallah, she's got a bill not too much, but if it affects a man

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what's wrong with a new effect? Seriously, our brothers got loads of it.

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Our brother loads

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you put it on the court of law

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but the thing is what makes you think that a woman is not beautiful? Because she's got a little bit

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it's what we put in your life. What makes you think that a guy has to become this sort of macho man who you know like you know, the adverse after my show you by the way that they should have shaved inside his skin is that perfect? Like, what makes you think that that's a perfect time? If this is what they showed you what the shortcut what you saw, and especially his muscular, you know, Outlook, that's what you want. But I want to tell you sisters that someday I'm going to tell you about it. It doesn't it doesn't actually do any good for you. Going for a person who's got all the features you want on the outside, if they don't have the features on the inside.

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If they don't have the feature inside the inside the main thing that you want to work for

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unless you always

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What is the point of having, you know, let's think about the certain celebrities, you know, certain celebrities that have actually become celebrities that lost their dignity because they took off their clothes now. And they took shots. Now, I'm not saying that any of us have seen any of this, we know that it's happened. Okay, we know what's happening. Now, once a person has lowered himself down to that, and then the person is vilified media, and the person brings out certain columns and statements about this member of the family and the family, and after a few years, you see that their husband and wife that fallen out to celebrities, and you see the wife, bad mouthing, the husband,

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husband, bad mouthing the wife, in the media, all of us the babies, and you can see the kind of language are they using? What's the point of them being so beautiful, so perfect as an image in the in the magazines? But yet so ugly inside? Is that what you did? Let me ask you a question. When you're angry, would you sweat? When you're angry? Would you say? Because I don't care how much of a beautiful woman she is, to me. And to a woman, I don't care how much of the beautiful woman you are to have. If you actually start swearing. And you become abusive. And you lose yourself and your tongue. When when somebody is in an argument with you. That I'm sorry. But to me, that's reversed.

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To me, that's not because why would you stoop that low? That you have to use that kind of language? to hurt me? What why would you want to do that. And you look at the pretty face

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is pretty face, I'm just talking about some people who might have got married.

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Recently, friends, people who pray behind me people know themselves, but people who actually contacted me through Facebook, and so on, and through through other social media, and who told me, and every week I'm getting messages about, you know, things that have gone wrong in marriage. And the horrible thing is actually something. Most of these cases that men and women have got everything you would want to ever think of getting in life, you know, got a house husband's got a nice job. Everything's really nice, you know, like, they're going on holidays, but they still have problems

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is why have we got problems, and you start looking into the reasons why. And it's all because expectations are very high. And let me tell you the secret.

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I try and keep the seed when you're looking out for someone. If your expectations are really high, and you trying to get all the tick boxes, oh my god, people have so many tick boxes when they start looking for someone like you know, especially cultural people, you you're bad enough, you're putting up with all your cheap boxes, then come in your mom

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with her check boxes and he does in the background.

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And then forget that you gotta hold hands. Everyone else around you the boxes. Oh, my God, we have to stop you have to start looking for someone who does many check boxes.

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You might have the box yourself out.

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I'm finished. Because you start not Mashallah, you have brothers and sisters who are practicing. I really love love these days. They're actually saying they want a simple marriage. They actually say you know what, I just want a single person, single, married, married simple life. And sometimes people spoil it. Sometimes it's your problems, and his parents as well. And you know what, they start with the sound boxes, okay? So she's got to be

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okay. She's got to be one of the main things they say is the same culture, define. If they want someone to be from the same culture, it's up to them. If you want to marry someone outside the culture, that's fine, you know,

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but you got to be ready for it. Again, you be ready for it because there's going to be compromise, you have to compromise. If you're eating rice all day.

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And she's eating chappati all day.

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You got to compromise.

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You're gonna have to have

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rice, one day and

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two patties, but after a while, you're not gonna love it.

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You're gonna love it. You're gonna look at the

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other one. This is

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what some rice

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used to like, just you gotta be ready for it because some people are not actually ready for it. If you use two curries, and the other one used to somebody else didn't have to compromise they say you might need some, you know, Englishwoman two and a half for hot chips.

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You're gonna have to rise from fishfingers

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If

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you're gonna have to compromise, do something about it.

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There is a price to pay, I'm telling you a good price to make. If you're going to learn the same culture is going to be fine. But there's another price to pay. Because once you come back to the same culture, you know, all your family did not have to talk to this person. And they got

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dummy coding, sometimes problems, see the package on both sides. I'm not gonna say so perfect on either side. Now, let's say cultures and cultures that don't say we want the height to be a certain height. And the stereotype heights the woman has to be slightly shorter than the man

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who in the world said the woman has to be slightly shorter than the man who, bollywood, Hollywood.

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Seriously, you start looking at where this concept comes from. It comes from these these places or they come from the culture where they kind of stigmatize a woman being taller than her man.

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They even sit seriously, you know, you know, like,

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if suddenly

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as a man I came out of the hospital, and I see

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the assassin, the uncle. Yeah, he's walking.

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And his wife is walking 10 feet behind.

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Okay, and they're still talking to each other.

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Are you listening? The central feature, I think is if the woman has to step in front of it. Oh my god.

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Oh my god. Where did they get this from? This they got this from culture. Now, you guys.

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You guys are British. It will take time without a face right now. I think in the in the 70s and the 80s. It was like a complete no go of marrying someone outside your culture.

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In the 90s is

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definitely the naughties. It definitely came into prominence. And now, people are doing more and more, we're still in a phase where it's going to take another two decades for another two generations of another generation to pass by. And then people will make it more and more well known. But right now we're going through a phase where people will have difficulties in accepting all of this. The point I'm trying to say is that they start the checkboxes and the checkboxes go down that's okay, next thing is you're gonna have to have something called you know what's called beauty beauty is at the top of the list that can be beautiful. Now the thing is, Who in the world said

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what's beautiful to you in beautiful to hear? That's a question. What you find is beautiful doesn't have to be the same thing that your sister your sister might not find someone beautiful of who you find beautiful. Yes, let's be let's be clear, your mom doesn't have to find someone beautiful as what she's basically hungry for

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understand what the kind of things they have in their heads talk especially about our you know, bangla you know, resolve ammonia you know some baloney You know, it is you know the both both both the sisters they the 50s

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they're looking at the commenter IRA present proposal yet.

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She should have told me she needed to get on those.

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Looks a bit shorter.

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Now how tall is she? This girl? She's five foot four. Okay, five foot four. Okay, and the two arms is the speaking one is five foot two and the other one is five foot

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What is wrong with you to women?

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Why are you making a disastrous for this woman to actually even be had a chance in life because you both really meet another hundreds of things. They put in the checkboxes. There's a degree