Channel: Haitham al-Haddad
A talk by Sh. Haitham on the subject of Marriage & Divorce and the important things that everyone needs to know surrounding it.
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problems regarding divorce, please.
Yes, I beg you.
Because you're like, I don't know the amount of problems that are there in our community. And it is destroying us as a community. What law what is destroying us is not the external threats is the internal problems and the main one is marriage
issues, many problems. For example, I was just casually one of the stories that I always mentioned. That sister was married 20 plus years ago, had had a child.
She had a problem with her husband, she left her husband.
He later she got married to another person.
What was wrong? What's wrong with that?
Yeah, no divorce.
Then she had the problem with the second man had children from him, left him
and married a third person.
Are you following brothers?
Yeah, she had the children from the first one children from the second one, and children from the third one. Not only that, she told the children from the first one and the second one that their father is
the third one.
She came with her eldest son from the first marriage. He said, I never knew that my father is not my father. That my father is someone else.
except a few weeks ago, she started to practice Islam Alhamdulillah now there are many lectures and you know, okay, online, etc. and Alhamdulillah Islam is on rise and many people are learning about Islam. She came to know that no, she has to have a divorce.
So she came? Yes. She helped me. What kind of help you need system. I want to know who is my husband?
Who's the father of my children.
What is your story?
This is my story.
How can we solve this problem?
Are you listening brothers?
How can we solve this problem?
What was the main reason for this problem?
lack of knowledge. Agree.
When we tell people please learn learn something about Islam. learn the basics of Islam.
Yeah, people say we as Muslims. Okay. By you
are honored by
honors as young for our young fella who Latina
and then we're all too late mamiko
darada you're gonna know what damages Allah raises the people of a man and the knowledge.
polyester Latina, Latina mon Cherie de la la la. Hola, Illa Illa Allah, Allah, aka Mariah, along with the people of knowledge testify that there is no God but Allah, Allah Allah. We don't need to be scholars to learn about Islam.
Yeah, even a single Muslim, a simple Muslim. He needs to know certain things about this. Hello.
We have cases My dear brothers. Yeah, one time. I remember this case, a brother and his wife came. They are on their mid 30s both of them you know, are professionals. Very good jobs. Very good jobs. Okay. And then these jobs. These jobs are not Yeah, I don't want to tell the details. But yeah, I need these jobs. Yeah, qualify them to know something about Islam, the nature of their jobs that they are doing.
And Subhana Allah. On that I remember I was traveling either for Hajj or Umrah but I saw them Unfortunately, it was my mistake to see them before leaving.
I told them Well, I know you spoiled my day you spoil my journey. I am disgusted because of what you have said.
The brother and his wife the wife said, I am discussed in chief in this marriage because I believe that I am
I'm living in Harlem or I was living in Harlem. I have been living in Harlem for more than 10 years.
Living in what in heaven?
She said, I've been divorced for 11 times.
I was divorced, what? 11 times?
The husband Mashallah Tabata cola. What did he say? No, she, it was six times on.
Yeah, I said Mashallah. Tabata cola. good year. Good.
Six times better than 11,000.
I said, What is this, though? You know, because we were ignorant of the deen and we were not taking it seriously and you know, life and pressure and I said, Yeah, life and pressure you live in Hello.
Wh children are halal or haram now. Don't talk about this. Well, I am. And then the wife has started to cry. And yeah, I don't know. I told him. We need to go to an Imam. We need to go to a scholar we need
why six? No, she's not like this. No, no, no. Because I divorce in anger and then take care of a divorce in anger. I said, Yeah, divorce. Take care. But it was a joke. Yeah. They let us buy something. Let us buy a can of Pepsi. Now I don't like it. buy another one. Okay, leave it buy another one. Yeah, it's a joke. Marriage is a joke. Divorce is a joke.
A few weeks ago, a brother came with his wife. Actually, they came yesterday to know the answer. They've been married for three years. Yeah. Three years. They had the three divorces and one holla.
Yeah, three divorces and one whole. Okay. A few weeks after the marriage, the brother went okay to another country. And
she said, Where are you? He said, I left to another country. What is this? You never told me? He said yeah, I wanted to do hegira and this country, blah, blah, blah, blah. You never told me? Okay. Obviously she was upset her family were upset. divorce me divorce.
Then she missed him. He missed her. I'll take you back.
Yeah, he came to this country. They had an argument on divorce me I can't divorce.
Then they missed each other. Yeah. He took her back. Then after a while Oh, no, I can't live with you. And he said no. Give me a whole. Yeah.
He gave her one.
Then they found that she's pregnant. Oh, no, you're pregnant. Okay, how come you know who will look at the look after the child. So he took her back. Okay. And then she gave birth had problems. he divorced her. So he divorced her before giving birth. She gave birth. He saw the child his heart. What? meltdown he wants her back? I said, brother, sister. You know what you are doing? is dating. This is not marriage.
Yeah, dating. It does meet casual finish. Let us meet again, casual. Is this a marriage? How are you going to build a family like this?
Do you see these problems? My dear brothers and sisters? Do you see what I'm saying?
Are these problems that you are aware of?
Yes or no?
Brothers, I'm asking you Yes or no?
Are they serious problems or you don't see them as serious problems.
Okay, we have another problem.
A sister for 14 years. She thought that she is divorced.
Why? Because she received a civil divorce. Please listen carefully. She received What? a civil divorce.
And then someone told her that civil divorce is not an Islamic divorce.
So she said what she came. She asked me if I have a civil divorce.
Civil divorce. You know,
I don't have an Islamic one. What does that mean? I said it means that you are still married to that man. What? No way. How come this is unfair. Is it fair or not fair? This is the reality. Yeah, but but civil divorce he divorced me. I said
The divorce you were in the civil divorce, or that he divorce you a civil divorce in the Civil Registry. That is not an Islamic one. All but some scholars said but and this is another problem some scholars said some scholars said this and that
civil divorce is not what an Islamic divorce.
Listen carefully brothers civil divorce is not an Islamic divorce.
If there is a lady who is divorced by the law, she's not divorced by Sharia. She's not divorced by Islam. Because the law is a system. Yeah. And Islam is another system. I agree. The law allows the lady to divorce her, her husband agree. Yeah. In Islam, the lady cannot divorce her husband, she has to request a divorce. Or she will go to the judge to ask for annulment or Yes.
In bylo a Hindu can marry a Muslim by in Islam. Now, a Muslim man can marry a Christian or a Jew, lady, but not the other way around. Even a Muslim man cannot marry a Hindu lady. Agree. So there are two differences.
This is one of the common problems.
Now, when there is a divorce,
who are the most to suffer?
Yes or no?
Yeah. Subhana Allah, you know, they talk about theories about bringing up children, etc. The most important element to bring up good children is what?
stable, stable home?
stable home. That's it.
Yeah. The child needs to see. Yeah. Even they say now, and I hope this is our listening. They say now that this is my theory.
And so someone told me this theory is proven by
Statistics. There is a person who wrote a book.
I forgot his name. He said he confirmed that.
Yes. The most important element in the therapy of a child
is what? Tell me what?
Mother? Yes. What mother?
No, mother like this. No.
No, I want
an accurate answer. Good was good wife.
Yes. Uh huh. You are closer to that.
loving mother and father. Yeah, you're getting closer. Yes. Yes. Haha.
This is the closest No, not practicing. The best. The most important element in the Tobia of the children is what the brother said, we just adjustment mother showing love to her husband.
This is the most important element.
Even if you are strict with your children. Now, many people say no, don't be strict with the children, because they will go away etc, etc. Even if you are strict with your children, but if the mother is showing love, maybe she doesn't love her husband. Maybe she doesn't love him. But because of her because of her children because of her Deen because of the stability because of many other reasons. The mother is showing love
to the Father. Yeah, that house is normally a successful house.
The children are the best children.
Yeah. In that book, a brother read that book and he is the one who told me he said in that book, it was written. Okay. He said that person who wrote the book, I forgot what he said he wrote, he writes only about tarbiyah although he doesn't have children. So yeah.
And he's well known in this field.
He said the first experience the child sees in life is what? Which experience? Yeah. social experience, apart from the breasts of his mother
is what? These two big people because for the child, the mother is what? Big? Yeah. And she is the source of what?
Yeah, food security, everything, not the father.
So if so, he is taking from her What? nourishment with a physical nourishment or
Yeah. So he sees how she deals with others.
This is his first experience.
So if he sees that she deals with others in a particular way, he doesn't learn. He is what programmed children do not learn. Yeah, because they don't know what that process their, their minds have not developed yet. To learn. We say learning just generally, but and as a matter of fact, children copy
younger children and what? copy? Okay, so they will start copying their mothers and how their mothers behave towards what to the second big person in this family.
Yeah, if he sees that there is love, he will learn love. If he sees that there is respect, you will see what respect Not only that, I always say to my dear sisters, yeah, my dear sisters, I say to them, if you want your children to be good to children, yeah. In his pirate children, those who want to be something.
Okay? Yes, not just any children. Tell them
one important thing. Send to them a message, a very strong, powerful message. Yes, you will be great like your father. Look at your father. How is he? Even if he is not so great? Yeah. Even if he's not so great by, but teach him to look up to his father.
So when the father says something to the child, because every single father wants the best for his child, the child will What? will listen carefully because this man is the greatest man in his life.
Who will insert this in the child? Is the mother. How she will insert this if she is living a stable family in a stable family.
We turn this to another lecture. Well, if
you don't ask questions, you know all everything about Islam.
This brother has a question, say he can put his hand up why you are his solicitor?
I wanted to say, you know, in the first case, and the third case that you mentioned, first case and third case. Yeah. Not the second case.
Where the couple were getting divorced multiple times. Yeah. They were married.
They kept managing the British way. Yeah, they kept married and the British way. So they found it easier just to say some words. breakable. They couldn't couldn't do with the British way because it's a bit more complicated. Yes. Maybe. Yeah. This is maybe a reason Yeah.
That's why, okay. That's why what's your name?
NASA. What do you do NASA. What do you work with? in a factory? in a factory? NASA? Listen. What you mentioned, is what many non Muslims mentioned about Islamic divorce. Are you listening? They say Islamic divorces easy. The man divorces his wife. Yeah. But the system. The Civil divorce is what
is difficult. Yeah.
It's difficult. I agree. So that's why the Islamic Islam has to be reformed has to be changed, because the man can divorce
by but the civil one knows they have to go to the GA and blah blah, blah. And what is the answer for this issue?
What is the answer?
How to answer this doubt.
Of course they don't hear a lot. But if non Muslims throw this question how to answer it?
Yeah, if the one who gets the answer. Yeah, brother Massoud, you are the director here or the Imam or the grantee. Now, the Mufti does. Yeah, molana here, he will give him a price.
if there is any money and dunia people listen. But for the sake of Allah, they were sleeping. But if we find the answer, then we solved the problem.
no, if we find the answer many people, yeah, would like to be good people.
But they can't, because there is a difference between theory and
practice. So if you learn how to drive the car, theoretically, you will not be able to drive the car. So if you read a book about heart operation, that doesn't qualify you. Yeah, if your wife had a heart problem, to go and cut her and start fixing her heart. So
theory is different from practice. Yes. agree or not?
Yes. So this is to know.
I think I'm set up. Mashallah, honey, you Google the answer?
No, but okay. Before that, what was the answer for my question?
The question is, if divorce in Islam is difficult, so it is easy. And divorce, according to the law is difficult, then we will What?
No, we This will help marriages to remain intact to preserve marriages because divorce in Islam is easy.
So the civil way, the non Islamic way is better than the Islamic way.
This is the question, what is the answer for this?
But at the end of the day, it is easy to Divorce Mediation.
But at the end of the day, it is easy to divorce.
Yeah, but it's easy. And according to some scholars, Divorce, Divorce, Divorce, Divorce is finished. Hello, my setup. So
so it is still easy.
So what is the answer?
Two part easily.
Okay, this is part of the answer.
Yeah, I don't want to admit that this is the full correct answer. Because if I admitted that,
it has to give you a gift.
So I should not say that this is the full correct answer. But it is past partially correct. Now what you said is, as I said, is the beginning of the answer. So we handle a one time I remember a group of people, I think from Sweden came non Muslims, one of them and all of them are high up in the government. They came to the Sharia Council. They want to know how it runs, etc. So I said to them, Why are you coming? They say we want to see if we can open another Council in Sweden or them, or I think is Sweden. So I said that is interesting. And but they said no, there are problems. I said, like what they say, you know, women sometimes are treated, he was polite any differently. And the
testimony of the lady is half of the testimony of that man, you know, and also divorce in Islam. And he mentioned this point, that divorce in Islam is easy. The man can just by word of mouth, divorce his wife and that's it. Yes. But according to the law, it is different. So he said this is a problem. I said, Subhana Allah were Lucha brothers. Allah is my witness. He was
and Allah brought to this just to show him
Yeah, we were discussing and then I said to him, Are you married? He said, No. He was 60 Plus, I said, Why you are not married? He said, I live with my girlfriend. But I said, Why? You are not married? He said I was married. And when I divorced my first wife, it was a nightmare.
And she took half of my wealth half of Yeah. So I decided not to get married after that. So I am living with my girlfriend. If we are not compatible, things would don't work. I would say to her, like he said, like this. Bye, bye. And that's it finished.
I said, friend, my dear friend, this is the answer.
He said, What four? I said this is the answer why Islam made divorce. Easy.
by low divorce is so difficult. People started to it.
Started to it.
Yes, they started not to get married in the first place.
They start to see Oh, if I get married to this lady, or No.
She will take off of my wealth and divorce and his alone procedure is headache. What? Why do I need to get married? We can live together have children and that's it.
And that's why they say one out of 30 of the qualified people to get married to register their marriages. Okay, is only married, the rest are not married.
And the marriage registration because for them is not really
like us. A wedding and celebration and two families becoming they will have children before marriage. I agree. For them marriage is what is a matter of what certificate registeration
Yeah, that's all it doesn't mean anything. They can build a family before marriage. Now because they are giving more rights to women. Yeah.
Especially after divorce. Men are not interested to marry.
He would say I will work hard day and night day and night build my own Empire get married to this lady. Yeah. And then if we are not happy or not only that, if she sees another person who is more handsome
than me or younger than me, she will walk.
She will walk
she will leave me
Yes. Especially if she knows that she will get what?
Half of my wealth so she will get half of my wealth and go with her boyfriend. Enjoy. What? My money
is this fair?
Yeah, so men say no. I will not do that. I'm not stupid. Yeah, okay. I want to have
relationship with her, you know, intimacy etc. Yeah, I can enjoy it. There is no need for us to get married. We will have children and then
when we are finished my Salama Bye bye. That's it.
Is this what is happening or not?
This is what is happening. why this is happening?
Because what Subhana Allah we change the law of Allah. Allah knows. Allah, Allah, Allah. Allah knows everything will be cliche in it. He knows everything.
So the we change the law of Allah. Allah made it difficult for them.
As simple as this. Yes.
Brothers ask questions, sisters as question. They will just because
the brother was waiting. So let us give him a chance. Yes. Yes.
By How do the three products work by I think everyone knows how they work. Okay. The issue is, there are two issues now My dear brothers and sisters. If there is a sister who was divorced, yes. I advise them to go to a knowledgeable person.
To judge between them regarding the validity of the divorce.
Yeah, my dear sisters, I am telling you if you are divorced, you heard your husband divorcing you. Don't take it lightly tell him we need to know to go to a scholar. He said to you, I went myself and I checked with the scholar. say to him, darling, Habibi love. Yeah. She can't make love to him. Excellent. Yeah.
Yeah. We need to go to the inner.
If he confirms that we are still married, then you are my love, but we can continue. If he confirmed that it is finished, then that is finished. Yes, my dear sisters. Don't let your husband play around with you. And then he will come up with both of you will come up with 11 divorces, and then you will wake up and you will then he will say I am disgusted. I'm living in Havana. And then your husband will say no, no, it was only 60 horses.
Don't do that. clip is not a joke. It is a serious matter. And moreover, please listen, brothers. Yeah. Listen. tell others. With all due respect to this close here and the amounts if there is an inner who gives fatwah over the phone? Yes. Regarding divorce, he made the mistake.
Can someone call the Doctor? Doctor? I have a heart problem. Yeah, you know, go to the pharmacy and ask them for this medicine. And you will be fine. Will you trust that doctor?
Will you trust him? Or doctor? Listen, my I woke up and I couldn't not open my eyes. It seems. Yeah. He said it's alright. Shall I? Okay, just go to the pharmacy and ask them for I dropped that called x y Zed. Just will you do that? Will you trust that doctor? When you go and buy? And then? Yes. Why?
Because this is a serious matter.
Yes. Divorce is more serious than this.
shift. You know I woke up I was angry with my wife. Yesterday we had I wanted something from her. I wanted my right. She didn't give me an IRA. I slept I was angry. And we woke up and we were angry. I told her Okay, give us some breakfast. Then I was angry. I was angry. I told her divorce divorce divorce. Then they say yeah, and then you cry a little bit in order to. to blackmail this year. By Yeah, or the system.
I am pregnant and I have no one here. My family is in Pakistan. And no one and my divorce. My husband he was so angry so angry. And divorce me. Yes. She cries a little bit. And the shareholders not.
Now don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. The divorce is invalid. The divorce is invalid. Go back to your husband. Oh, you are my best shareholder. Okay, I will send you likes. Okay. Do you have Facebook or Twitter?
This is a joke is not a federal sir.
This is a joke. Yes. This is a joke. Like we are joking is not a fact. What? regarding what? Regarding divorce?
shahara my husband divorced me. Okay. Come with your husband. Oh, no, my husband doesn't want to come. There is no point come with your husband.
Yeah, like what we do, then the husband and the wife will come.
I came you know where I live? I came from a very far place. Yeah. I said well, I if you have a deal, business deal, you will travel to another country for that business. Do you agree or not? Yeah. This is your family. This is your children. This is your wife. This is your agenda. And now this is either you will be doing Xena or you will be what?
Or you will be living in Helen which is more important money or Xena or Jana Angela. So come
now I live in a far place and nano comm
both of them will
listen, fill in an application. The application needs to be studied. Yes and no sympathy.
Because this is a time for what?
For no for judgment. Yes.
Judgment On what?
On a serious issue.
Yeah. So judgment on a serious issue is
this is my husband, I have no one and he's saying, well, I love my wife and I love my children. I love my family. How come the I will lose them?
Yeah, no, no blackmailing.
Okay, this is a judgment on a serious issue.
If the Mufti is not behaving like this, I am giving you Yes, a clear statement. And if someone said something to him, she Haytham said to this. Yeah, that Mufti is not doing the right job. Not only that, my dear brothers and sisters, what law he will suffer.
Yeah. I remember a case. There were seven divorces.
I took that case. Yeah.
A brother He is top in his field. I don't want to mention well educated, a noble person in his community, well known, okay. is the head of that committee, this committee, that committee of one of the cities one city, and then he called me and he said, I want you to help blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Bye. So
he came, what is your problem? Normally when someone called me? Yes, just out of the blue. I know that it is either dispute over what? over money or over what? Divorce? Yeah. So he came. He had seven divorces.
Okay, well, I remember my dear brothers. I took his case, to the Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia.
They don't take it officially because it came from England. So I asked her brother just to put it inside the other questions by the Mufti has a time to answer, divorce related question. So they put it then
they were asking and then they said, and this is a man who divorces his wife and then he took her back and then the Mufti said, and they have a format. So seven total of seven doors. The Mufti was disturbed. He said, What? Seven? How come? What is this man living? What is he? So they had to tell him that he's
from Britain will lie. He will lie below this. Yeah. The Mufti said, send it back to them.
He doesn't want to deal with it. Why?
He doesn't want to have the burden in front of Allah.
To have the responsibility in front of Allah. Yeah. Now our most is Yama, Yama, Yama, how many divorces? Six? Yeah, yeah, no, maybe buy one get 133 threes, but go back to each other. Don't repeat it again. Yeah. Don't repeat it again. And pay the fees. Okay. This is a joke. This is we are talking about divorce halal and haram.
Yeah. So that brother,
that's a brother who had seven divorces. While law one of the things he said and this is something that is repeated. That's why I'm telling you. The Mufti has to deal with it properly.
He said, You know why? Some of the divorces is he has an author Guiness his wife. If you do this, you will be divorce. If you leave my house, you will be divorced. Yeah. He said it is my fault. I agree. But one thing,
okay. That's my wife. When I tell her when I become angry, and I have a very stressful job. If I told you don't do something, don't do it. Tell us. She will say no, I will do it. Okay. Then I became angry. And I'll tell her because this is my habit from okay. My parents. I tell her if you do this, you will be divorced.
He said, What happened? The first time I told her if you do this, you will be divorced.
She did it. And then she regretted I regret it. What did she do? She called a chef.
Yeah. And he told me the name of the chef over the phone. They should have said, No, no, this is not the divorce. This we were angry and this is like an oath. Just pay expiation and just this is not a divorce. What happened my dear brothers and sisters?
became repetitive, it became a repetitive habit. Yeah. Don't do this in her mind and her subconscious
I'll do it and then pay what?
So, but if
the husband and wife go to the pub. And yeah, they mmm gives them hard time.
Yeah. And shows them the seriousness of the issue. Next time, will they do it easily?
Will they do it easily? They will not do it easy.
Yeah. In some cases. Yeah. Some cases are difficult. Yesterday, there was a case. Three divorces. I sent to them back. I could not give them an answer.
Then the brother. Yeah. And if they are not practicing people, the brother said.
So sorry, what do we need to come back? I said, Yes. He said, Why? I said, Yeah, because I'm selling chicken.
I said, What do you mean? Why?
Brother? You have three divorces? Yeah. And if I say to you finish here, and you
finish this wife, if you will not be your wife anymore. You can't even touch her.
Do you understand that brother? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I said, What? Yeah.
Your wife will not be your wife.
If I say no three divorces is okay. One of them is canceled. It means that she's your wife, you can sleep with her, etc. So are we talking about something easy? We are talking about something that is serious. I don't want to carry the burden of that.
I'm not gonna lie. Eonni. I said to another case, because the brother said, Jeff, you send us back and forth back and forth more than one time. I said, Yes. Because I'm enjoying you. And you're like, sitting with you and looking at you. It is an enjoyment. I said what I'm doing get I have no time. You're just want to waste my time. Just sit with you and the chat.
Because it is a huge responsibility. I need to think I need to consult other scholars. Maybe this time, I can't find the right answer. Go Come back again. Maybe my mood? Yes. is in the right one. I can find the answer. Maybe you yourself because many cases. brother Andrew. Yeah. When you were angry. How did you divorce? I don't remember. That was long time ago or Shanghai was? Maybe now you can't remember maybe once you go and come back again. Maybe your mood will change. Maybe we can get the answer. So it's not an easy issue.
Yeah. Is it that is that clear brothers
Yes or no? So please, pass this information. Please. Pass it to others.