Q&A on FRIENDSHIP
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Channel: Haleh Banani
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AI Generated Summary ©
The importance of setting boundaries and acknowledging friendships is emphasized, with a focus on identifying one's emotions and values to avoid feeling labels. A woman named Yoweng discusses her positive experience with her sister Helene, who is showing her how to be a better friend. A new mindfulheart.com program helps people improve their relationships and live life to be a better version of themselves.AI Generated Transcript ©
Lovely sisters. Welcome to the mindful hearts. Give
me a thumbs up if you can hear
me and see me. I've okay.
Everything is good.
Let's see.
Alright.
You know, our friendships can either make us
or break us. They can either lift us
up, help us to grow, help us to
reach new heights, or they can drag us
down
and make us experience
sometimes hurtful feelings, sometimes disappointing feelings.
So these friendships that we've been talking about
for the past
few lessons, I don't know how many. It's
been maybe 6 or 7.
Today is the day we get to answer
all the questions. It is the q and
a,
and I want like, some great questions have
come in, and I'm sure that everyone will
benefit. Even if you didn't send in a
question,
I'm telling you, these are vital questions,
and it'll impact everybody.
So who is ready to get started?
Give me a thumbs up.
Okay. Great. Thank you. Let's get started.
I will make this bigger so I can
see
Things are I don't know if they're getting
smaller or my it's my eyesight.
We always joke about that. Alright. So the
first question is,
how to cope with a friendship betrayal
on an emotional level?
So when you've been betrayed,
right,
if you feel that maybe maybe you shared
something,
maybe someone talked about you, maybe there was
some
or whatever it was, the first thing you
have to do is you have to have
an open discussion
and then giving them the benefit of the
doubt. Right? We don't wanna act based on
assumptions. Okay? So have an open discussion. How
many of you let's get the discussion going.
How many of you
have experienced
some form of betrayal in your friendship,
and how has it impacted you? I think
it'll be
important to get this discussion
going because
you will realize that you're not alone. Right?
The challenges that you face within your friendships,
I'm sure
that everybody has had similar experiences. So what
to do?
First of all, after you have, like, an
open discussion,
and then if it is, you know, then
if it is
confirmed
that you've been betrayed, right, then you have
to really learn from the experience.
Something I read that was really profound is
learn and understand
and believe what people are showing you. Right?
Because I know that there were
many,
relationships that I was in maybe about, like,
a a decade or so ago.
And
no matter what I saw, I kept making
excuses. I kept making other excuses and more
excuses.
And
I knew in my heart that this was
you know, there was something within me that
I felt like something's not right. And I
felt it, but yet I kept giving the
benefit of the doubt, but to the max.
And then what happened is when I read
this, it was so profound. It said, believe
what people are showing you. So if someone
is, you know, repeatedly
doing the same things, then you have to
recognize that. And sometimes you have to keep
your distance. Right? And be grateful.
And this was one of the things I
learned, and I'm,
I'm so grateful for that Allah showed you
the true colors. It's so important.
It it can be hurtful. It can be
disappointing,
but to
know and not to move even further into
it and invest more time and more effort.
Right?
And remember that there are gems out there,
and this is one of the things,
about being an optimistic person
is recognizing
that there are people
who are truly
genuine and truly good. And Allah said in
the Quran, like, when when the angels were
saying, how are you bringing
people? How are you creating someone who's going
to shed blood and cause corruption? And we're
seeing that right now. People who are just
causing corruption,
killing,
and torturing
into all these horrible things and causing wars.
Right? And the angels were like, but why?
We are, like, worshiping you day night. Why
are you bringing these people who are so
corrupt?
Seth, I know
what you don't know. So those are the
individuals who are truly
gems. They are truly people of Ehsan. They're
people. They are like the oliya. They are
so they're beautiful
people,
and we have to realize that they are
out there and not to be jaded and
to think
that, you know, because I've had this bad
experience,
everyone
is bad. Okay? So,
my ex friend oh, I haven't heard that
before. Ex friend. My ex friend said
our friendship was causing her panic attacks. I
don't think I'm a terrible person.
I felt like she was blaming her mental
health issues on me. How do I not
internalize this? Wow. Well,
that's definitely
hard to be on the receiving
end of that.
You have to recognize
that, yes, she may have had some mental
health issues. Right? And she,
needed to address that. But it's always good
to look within as well
and see if there was any way that
you were contributing to this. Not that you're
a terrible person. No one no one deliberately
and no one deliberately does that. But it's
a matter of recognizing that
sometimes, and I said this in the past,
sometimes just your existence
causes others
to feel uneasy. Right?
Sometimes, whether it's your success, whether it's your
happiness, whether it's your,
religiosity,
whether it's your degrees, what whatever it is,
sometimes just that alone
causes a disturbance
in others.
And you have to do some soul searching,
and if you can't maybe
pinpoint it, then maybe it would help to
do some counseling and really try to understand.
Dissect it. Okay? I'm not saying it's your
fault. I'm not, like, shifting the blame on
you, but I'm just saying it's good to,
you know, just to dissect
and figure out
what was going on in the relationship.
Right? Recognize
that when we are in a relationship, it
is, you know, you're both contributing. You're both
contributing,
sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly.
And if someone is
impacted by the relationship,
then we also can't completely dismiss it. Right?
We can't just dismiss it. We have to
recognize
that this is happening.
There is some something is contributing to this.
And when we understand it, then we can
we can improve ourselves. We can see what
our shortcomings are.
As far as what was your question? Let
me make sure I answered your question. What
are your
let's see.
Is it smart to discuss
expectation? Oh, how do I internalize this?
It's not about
it's not about people being, like, horrible individuals.
Right? It if if your friendship doesn't work,
both individuals can be great. It's like a
marriage. Right? In a marriage, sometimes you have
2 individuals. They're both great individuals.
Right? But they're just not a good fit,
and that happens sometimes in friendships.
Sometimes it's just not a good fit. Sometimes
they're 2 alphas, and they can't get along.
Sometimes it can be
it can be a,
a relationship
that is that doesn't bring out the best
in you. And it might be
things that come up that you have to
kinda you have to analyze it and see.
So you don't wanna necessarily it's not about
internalizing it. It's not about thinking, oh, I'm
a terrible person. It's about understanding it and
seeing what has happened in the relationship. Okay?
Your next question, let's see, is what are
reasonable
expectations of friendship? Is it smart to discuss
expectation?
I want to be a good friend, but
I also can't be someone's therapist,
surrogate husband. What are reasonable
expectations?
Okay. Very good.
What, I'd love to get feedback from some
of you who are tuning in. What do
you feel are reasonable
expectations?
What do you feel are,
things that you it's natural to want from
your from your friend? Now the thing is,
today, we have opened it up as a
kind of like an open discussion. So we
may have some individuals
that are not on the mindful hearts, and
I welcome everyone who is on here.
But as far as, like, the expectation,
a natural expectation
is, first of all, having camaraderie. Right?
Feeling that the other person, there is empathy.
There is a sense of connectedness.
There's
a expectation of maybe getting together. Right? Now
you can discuss with the person what are
your expectations.
I don't see that as
something that happens early on in a relationship.
You're just getting to know a person, and
it may feel a little bit overbearing if
you say, well, I expect this, this, this,
and this. But some things come about kind
of naturally.
They come about naturally. And
if you're hurt, if something happens, it's nice
to bring it up, and it's not about
these are my expectations because
I feel that it that kind of discussion
can make the relationship
feel very,
very heavy. Right? So it's a matter of
a give and take and then sharing what
your likes are, sharing you you know, what
makes you happy or what something that disappointed
you
versus,
you know, saying, well, for my friendship, this
is what I expect, and I feel that
that'll be a better way to go about
it.
Now not being a therapist in a relationship,
I totally agree.
You know? Because if you are,
always busy in in fixing and if it's
a one-sided relationship, then you're gonna get drained,
and you can't be a surrogate husband. I've
never heard that before. That's a good one.
So surrogate husband, you you really need to
recognize
that a friendship is is it needs to
be like a safe haven
where, of course, you share of course, there
are times there's ups and downs, but you
never definitely want
to drain the other person. You wanna always
reciprocate
and make it something that is pleasant and
enjoyable.
Okay? So let's see. You're saying, I feel
that a lot is not going right in
my relationship. It's like
responsibilities
are lacking in most cases. I feel,
that a lot of relationships are baseless, as
in
no need to even have them.
Going right. Okay. So if you feel that
a lot of things are not going right
in your relationship,
you have to
really
be honest. Be honest with yourself and find
out,
are you investing in these relationships?
Are you giving,
and are you showing up? Are you adding
value? If you're doing that, are you being
taken advantage of? Because sometimes what I have
noticed
is that when pea there are individuals who
are people pleasers, and they will do anything
just to be accepted.
And what ends up happening is that they
start getting taken advantage of, and that's not
healthy. Right? So we have to create, like,
this balance where, yes, we add value,
we show up, we're kind, we're loving, but
we're also not a doormat.
So that is that takes a lot of
introspection.
That takes a lot to recognize,
am I in a relationship? Am I being
taken advantage of? And if you feel that
the relationships are baseless,
then you have to recognize what
made you friends with a person. Because the
reason we become friends with a person, your
nia. Right? Your nia for that friendship
is very critical.
If you have made this friendship just, you
know, on baseless things, maybe that's why it's
empty. Right? And sometimes we create friendships and
we may outgrow the friendship. We may, you
know, be at a different stage in our
life, so you have to really recognize
that. Now the next question. Okay?
So when you we talked about how do
you deal with the betrayal. Right?
How can we maintain our well-being
when we have been hurt?
Okay?
Now this is hard. Right? Because
we can be hurt from family, and that
seems like something that it's, like, not really
controllable. Friends, we're choosing. Right? We're choosing them
to be a part of our lives. Why
would we choose someone to come into our
life and hurt us? Right? It doesn't make
sense. You feel like the people you're choosing
to surround yourself with are those individuals
you want you want to have you want
support from, you want to have laughter with,
and you want to have, like, beautiful memories.
So when you are,
when you are hurt in a friendship,
it can really,
you know, it can
hit hard. Right? So allow yourself to feel
the hurt. Okay? It's normal. Any kind of
emotion that you're feeling, whether it's hurt, whether
it's anger, whether it's disappointment,
allow yourself to feel it because it's very
natural that you are experiencing
this
and avoid getting, let's say,
overwhelmed by it or depressed by it. And
one of the ways
to really make sure
that you maintain your well-being is taking care
of yourself. Right? Go outdoors. Make sure you're
exercising.
Make sure that you're taking care of yourself
because
what happens a lot of times is that
one friend can become the caretaker.
Right? And if you become the caretaker, then
it can really it can drain you. So
you need to make sure
that you are replenishing yourself. Right? And another
thing that I really recommend to a lot
of my clients
is to write out your frustrations.
Write it out and rip it up. This
is a great way to get rid of
any kind of toxic
emotions or toxic feelings that you're having
instead of, like, having confrontations,
but you write you write it out. Okay?
Let's see. And,
another can you talk can you talk about
being
burned by a people pleaser? It hurts to
find out someone you thought was a friend
secretly hated you
and unleashed that anger out
out of nowhere
makes trusting people difficult. Oh, I'm so sorry
that you've experienced this. It is very painful
when we get hurt by a person that
we never expected to get hurt from.
And a people pleaser
what
you let me describe a people pleaser. Okay?
People pleaser
is someone who may have had, you know,
or has low self esteem.
Maybe they don't recognize it, and it can
be under the,
notion
I've I'm just a nice person.
But a people pleaser will just put everything
aside
and just focus
on giving to the whoever the person is
to win them over. Right? And, you know,
many times people don't even reflect on this.
They don't they're not really
I'm doing enough introspection.
So they will write this off as, you
know, I'm a nice person.
But what ends up happening is that
if you
so if that people pleaser
is just trying to win people over by
being their doormat, this is this is very
unhealthy.
And if you could explain how you got
burned by the people pleaser because I'm not
sure
what the nature of your relationship
was, but,
let's see.
It hurts to find out someone who thought
was a friend secretly.
So this it sounds like a frenemy. Right?
So sometimes people befriend you and they're secretly
jealous of you. Right? And and this jealousy
comes about so initially, there might be a
lot of warmth, a lot of, as they
call it, love bombing,
but they are secretly
jealous.
And and this this can be very hurtful.
It honestly can, and,
I've been on the receiving end of it,
and it really
is, it's sad and disappointing, because
many times it happens with people who are
actually quite religious and who you, you know,
thought really highly of. So what you have
to do in that situation, and like any
situation that we encounter, is realize
that Allah has a master plan, and Allah
chooses
who is in your life and who is
distant from you. And if you look at
each scenario,
I mean, obviously, we're gonna be heard, we're
gonna be affected, but if you look at
the each scenario as I wanna learn and
I wanna grow. I have allergies so that
tears are coming. Okay? I wanna learn and
I wanna grow. So even the most hurtful
situations,
even the most disappointing situations,
there are things that we can extrapolate from
them. So if we keep that
open mind
and then
look at it as well, Allah is teaching
me a very important lesson
in in this situation.
It is teaching me maybe to be,
not to be so naive. It's teaching me
not to be taken advantage of. You know,
there are many situation where I'm like, I
should have listened to my gut feeling. My
gut feeling was telling me, this is not
a good person for me. My gut feeling
was saying this person really doesn't have the
my best interest in mind.
And then you learn that, well, you have
to start trusting that.
Alright. Let's see.
She told me
she told me she noticed things about me
in the last few years.
If that's the case, why does she
still talk to me and pretend we are
what is it? We are cool. Why pretend
everything is fine between us? You know, So,
you don't know what the intentions of people
are. Sometimes individuals
are social climbers.
They they want some kind of benefit from
the friendship. Sometimes
it is,
they maybe in some ways, they wanna learn
from you. Maybe they admire you, and sometimes
people are conflicted.
Maybe they like someone very much, but they
also have those jealousy tendencies. I had a
client that, you know, she confessed to me.
She goes, sometimes when I'm around my family,
I have a lot of,
a lot of jealousy in my heart because
I feel that maybe it's the relationship they
have. Maybe it's what whatever it is. And
so this is why being on the mindful
hearts,
academy
and doing the internal work and doing the
self development is so critical because
it is natural
to have all of these come up. It's
natural to maybe
a love bomb someone because you you want
something from it. It's natural to maybe have
certain jealous feelings. It's natural
maybe to be competitive.
But until we evaluate and we look at
ourselves and we really do some soul searching,
then we're not gonna we're not gonna graduate
to that next level. We're not going to
a higher.
Right? So we are constantly
working. We have to be working on ourselves.
Some people are not working on their self,
and they're just sitting there thinking they're in
the same spot, but they're actually going backwards.
So this the fact that we are the
fact that you're here, the fact that you
are wanting to work on yourself and discuss
this, this is really
amazing because it's teaching us that
we have to constantly
improve ourselves. Okay?
Let's see what the next question is. So
how can we protect our friendships
if we work with our friends? Right? So
that's that's a tricky situation. Have any of
you
had the situation
where you're working with a friend? If you
if you are working with a friend, just
write it on,
on the comment section. So it's important to
establish
clear boundaries, right, between
personal
and professional interaction.
It it can be mixed. Now I know
even, like,
within,
within a marriage. Right?
My husband and I are working with each
other, and I have found that it can
it can get a little blurry. Right? Where
does it where is it, like, our our
marriage versus our partnership, our work partnership.
Right? So you have to
establish some clear boundaries, right, and then communicate
openly
about the expectations
and potential
conflicts. Right? And
this is something that is really important to
say that, you know, these are like, I
anticipate that this could happen, so let's let's
have an open dialogue. If anything, let's say,
bothers you, let's let's discuss it. And when
you have that open communication
and we don't base it on assumptions, then
you can clear the air. And also respect
the con you know, the confidentiality
of the person
and avoid favoritism.
So this is this is kinda tricky because
if it's someone you're very close to, it's
very easy
to do that, but it all
boils down to mindfulness.
Right? It's mindfulness.
How you behave,
how you treat another person,
how do you integrate,
and and it's a,
it's not an easy thing to do. Right?
It's not easy in a marriage. It's not
easy in a friendship,
and you have to really exercise that sense
of
in in what you're doing so that you
don't take away someone's, maybe,
You don't take away their rights, and you
don't,
you don't step on toes. Right? And then
you wanna resolve
conflicts
promptly and respectfully.
This you know, the whole concept of resolving
conflict is so important, and
I haven't known many people who have mastered
the art of conflict resolution.
Alright? And that's gonna be our next our
next phase inshallah's,
like, how to resolve conflict because people
just either
explode or they cut off, and we need
to learn how to how to resolve things.
Okay?
Let's see if
alright.
So and then,
our admin is saying, let's go sisters and
write our frustrations out and keep the questions
coming, and we all
we can all come out lighter and happier.
Great suggestion. Okay.
I have seen
let's see.
I have seen work friendships go south quickly.
I do not recommend
unless you have a strong foundation in communication
with a person, but I still don't recommend
it. Paycheck to friendship.
Okay.
Well, you know, it is it is much
more challenging. I would say that,
it can test the friendship,
But many people have done it, many people
have been successful at it, so we don't
wanna necessarily
rule it out completely.
But you definitely have to be more mature.
You have to be able to have conflict
resolution
and be confident enough to, you know, to
express yourself. Let's see what's the next question.
How can so we said that about the
work.
In one session, you mentioned
so these questions came from some of the
members. We I posted it on,
on the Facebook page for those of you
who are new and just tuning in,
and some in the you know, some people
wrote these questions.
In one session, you mentioned that your mom
maintained boundaries and had lasting friendship.
Please
elaborate.
How can boundaries be maintained since friends tend
to be intrusive?
She was really good about that, and she
had long lasting friendships, my mom, Ala Yerhamha.
Some for, my goodness, 50 years, she was
friends with them, and there was always this
mutual
respect.
And she always maintained
the self respect
by maintaining
a certain level
of form formality.
Right?
Some people
like to get
close really fast. They get close
and there's no boundaries,
no sense of, like, yeah, they don't know
where they end and the other person begin.
And so that level of it's, you know,
it's called enmeshment.
It's not necessarily healthy,
and it's always good to maintain
that level of some level of formality.
Right? She would always announce when she was
coming. She just she wouldn't just pop in.
Right?
She wouldn't borrow. Right? I I mean, I
I don't see a big issue with that,
but I'm just talking about what she would
do. She wouldn't borrow. She wouldn't,
she would respect their privacy,
and she always
remained respected. I so my friends my mom's
friends,
we were from a, you know, middle class
family.
She had friends who
were multimillionaires,
but she never took advantage of that. Right?
There are some people
who like to what is it called? Smooch
off of others. Right? It's about what can
I benefit from this person? Where can I
benefit from that person? And it's always,
like, getting things.
And that was something that that was one
of the boundaries that she established, that no
matter what,
it she always
reciprocated.
Even though there was a huge
difference in in, you know, like, financial capabilities.
But there was always this sense of dignity,
self respect.
Right? Because some people may not have the
self respect and they don't care,
and they will, you know, they as long
as they get what they want from the
person. Right?
And that kind of
person will will very quickly
be looked down upon. Right? And I've I've
heard,
you know, in the in the past and
through my clients, especially through my clients who
will complain and say, you know, this person
will just come and they just want the
you know, they they ask for so many
things
and and then they get annoyed from it.
Right? And and they feel used. Right? So
this idea of not ever making a person
feel used and making sure that everything is,
like, reciprocated
and she she never imposed and was never
demanding,
And that is one of the biggest lessons
of friendship that, you know, I learned from
her. I did a, I did a tribute,
and what I heard
from all the all all the friends that
she had and all her sister in laws,
10 sister in laws, you guys. Can you
imagine?
Can you imagine? You know, sometimes having one
sister-in-law is challenging enough, but she had 10,
and they all considered her
either a very good friend or a best
friend, and they all respect it. So it
it means that
when you respect yourself, when you maintain
some level of of boundaries and you don't
get enmeshed with another person, then you can
maintain
that relationship.
Okay? So I hope that,
I I hope that that answers the question.
Alright.
So that was about my mom, and then
betrayals from friends
leave us in a state of not trusting
other friends. How do we know
which girl,
what is that, which girl friendships can be
taken forward
or on much closer level without being ditched
or deceived?
Okay?
So it's very natural
that if you've been burned, you're going to
kinda retreat. Right? And a lot of individuals
that I work with have that experience.
They they got burned, and they got deceived.
They were betrayed. They were stabbed in the
back. What however you wanna describe it. And
so what ends up happening is that they
isolate themselves. But you have to recognize that
self isolation is not the answer. Okay? When
you isolate yourself, you have a tendency
to
become depressed. You tend to, you know, just
feel
maybe negative and pessimistic.
So you don't you definitely don't wanna do
that. Right? You have to move forward carefully
and cautiously. Why? Because we said there are
gems in the society. There are gems. There
are people
that are truly
valuable and beautiful human beings. And if you,
you know, you shut off
all people, then you're going to be isolated.
Right?
I always like to use this analogy.
I like to use the analogy of building
fortresses. Some people, they get hurt, so they
build these fortresses
and not to get hurt. Right? And and
they won't get hurt. Right? Because they're not
risking it, but they're also
in these fortresses.
They are being deprived.
They are being deprived of true joy, true
happiness,
true,
meaningful
interactions.
So if you're in your fortress and you're
like, okay. Well, I'm not getting hurt, but
you're also not being loved. You're also not
having
joy. You're also
lacking
in in that intimacy
with others.
So really evaluate that inshallah.
Alright?
Let's see.
So first,
observe consistency
in the behavior over time. So before you
connect with someone, kinda observe and see, are
they consistent?
The one thing that really,
throws me off and I decide is inconsistency.
Right? Maybe one day, a person is, like,
super excited, and then the other
day is like they they don't really care
so much about your relationship. So it's this
up and down and up and down. So
you want consistency.
And if you see that someone is consistent
over a period of time, you take one
step closer.
And then you communicate
openly,
about
some of your likes and dislikes. Right? Again,
I don't feel that
it,
it kinda takes away
from
that
natural
and like, you wanna you want it to
happen organically. You don't wanna sit there and
say my expectations for my friend is to
do,
you know, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Right?
But you express, this is what I like,
and this is you know? And you establish
boundaries without saying, these are my boundaries, and
you better not do and because that becomes
very bossy,
and it becomes very transactional.
But you communicate
your likes and dislikes in a very pleasant
and easygoing way. Right? And then you do
have to trust your instincts
and intuition. What are the biggest
lessons that I learned
was was trusting because trusting my intuition. There
were some people I had very strong
negative
feelings,
and I just kept wanting to hush up
because I thought I wanna get the benefit
of the doubt. I wanna get the benefit
of the doubt, and it it turned
to actually harm me.
So trust that. We don't get negative feelings
for no apparent reason. Right? They don't just
come up. It is the negative feelings come
due to certain behaviors. So we have to
really,
we we have to be aware. Right? Because
some people are just oblivious. They're just not
even seeing the signs. There's like, woah. There's
so many signs coming in. They're just not
even seeing it. But you have to be
vigilant
of those signs, and then also recognize that,
you know, if this is is unhealthy,
then recognize it. Right? And then start with
small acts of trust and then
observe,
if they if it's being reciprocated.
Right? So you take these baby steps
and you see if it's reciprocated. There are
some people who just take. You know? It's
just like they take and then there's no,
there's no follow-up. There's no,
there is no
reciprocating,
so you have to observe. Right? And that's
why
it's good for a friendship to take time
for it to develop. You know, some people
go in, they go in, they go all
in, they become enmeshed,
and,
and,
generally, that's really a sign of some kind
of, like, psychological
issues because
there's a neediness and then they become very
enmeshed.
And, and and those
individuals I've seen,
a a lot of clients who have gone
through this, that they have a series of
broken friendships.
Right? And so it's much better to take
your time,
develop the friendships,
and then,
and then see if there's compatibility. Because when
when you give it time, you're able to
see.
Right? If it's so fast, it's kinda like
someone who gets married. They meet them and
boom, they get married. They didn't give an
opportunity to see the other person and others,
and and when time passed, they're, oh, wow.
Like, you get to see the whole thing.
Right?
So that's that's important to keep in mind.
Alright.
Let's see. What is
so we talked about the betrayals,
and then it is about and think about
some of the questions you may have,
about friendships, maybe
personal experiences
you have had that are a little bit
puzzling.
Because if you don't understand
what happened
in a friendship,
then it's kind of hard to move forward.
Right? Because you feel like you're in there's,
like, there's a block. Right?
So if there is a situation
that you have been in,
then please write it in the comment section,
and I can help answer it.
So this is one of the last questions
I have that has been written down, but
I will be happy to answer your questions,
for those of you tuning in live. So
how to manage friendship?
Oh, actually, no. I have,
oh, I have more. I thought that was
the last one. Alright. I have a few
more. How to manage friendship with non Muslims.
I have a non Muslim friend from my
childhood
or from before I reverted that I'm still
close to. As a Muslim, what do I
need to be careful of and aware of?
Okay? So having,
having friendships with non Muslims actually, you have
to realize that that is a a excellent
way
of doing dawah. You know?
If for those of you who
attended my mindful Ramadan
and you saw it was transformation
through the light or by the light, and
these were all, like, famous converts.
And they many of them shared that they
were touched by a friend, a Muslim friend,
or they knew this Muslim neighbor, or they
knew this Muslim coworker,
and they were impressed
by their ethics. They were impressed by their
character. They were impressed
by how peaceful they are. Right? So we
we want to interact. We don't wanna live
isolated
and only interact with Muslims.
We there needs to be, like,
you respect each other's differences, you beliefs, practices.
Right? And then you foster understanding
through dialogue and empathy. You know, I would
just,
right before
this, this
lesson started,
a gentleman
in, in our office building came by, and
he said, you know, I, I spoke with
your husband. I they had a really deep
conversation. It was, you know, getting to know
one another
and talked about the dean and talked about
so many things, and there was this openness.
And and it was so like, there was,
an acknowledgment
of when you know someone and when you
are able to interact with them, then a
lot of the stereotypes go away. Right? A
lot of the things that we have in
our mind,
these preconceived
notions just kinda melt away. Right?
So but you also have to maintain integrity
in your own values and actions.
And then you have to set boundaries
around the activities
that, you know, that conflict with your in
Islamic principles. So, you know, I had this
one client
who said she's going out with some of
her friends and, you know, either they're not
practicing or they're non Muslims, and and so
they they may it get very clear that,
you know, well, I I can't I can't
be at it at this kind of event.
I can't go where there's alcohol. I can't
and and they recognize it, and it's really
nice when you're able to share it confidently,
not, you know, unapologetically,
and then they will actually respect it. And
realize that friends,
they are a point of reference for us.
Okay?
And I I can tell you from my
own life experiences,
when I had friends who were just, like,
not practicing and, you know, and that would
that was a point of reference. So a
lot of things get normalized.
Right?
And we have to be careful because we
don't wanna become callous to certain SIDS. So
that's that's something to, you know, to keep
in mind. There's nothing wrong
with, you know, there's nothing wrong with having
the friendship, but the thing and it says,
okay. What do I need to be careful
about?
You have to always make sure
that
you are influencing
and not being influenced. Although,
if we're spending time with someone,
it is it's like we're mutually being affected.
But if you're being pulled in
and you're being impacted,
then then you need to make sure that
you kind of, you know, balance that or
minimize
the time,
that you are together.
And make sure that when you're getting advice
from you know, you're not getting advice
from them because they have a different,
codes of ethics, maybe different morals, different things.
So make your confidants
your practicing Muslim friends, and that's the one
thing. That's the caveat. Right? Is that if
you are getting if you're consulting, if you
are getting advice, get that from your practicing
Muslim friends because they they know yours your
values. And even in seeking counseling, right, it
makes such a difference. So many of my
clients will tell me, oh, what a difference
that you talk to me about the dean.
You align me with with my relationship with
Allah
where, you know, a therapist that,
you know, does not doesn't know anything about
Islam, they can't get the same advice from
them. So that would be the one thing
to be very careful
around.
Okay?
About. Sorry.
I had a friend give me a
$1,000 for for my pregnancy. I protested with
her but finally accepted. A year later,
she cut me off
for minor
for minor reasons. How can how can someone
give you a huge gift and then cut
you off?
Well, you know, it's it's hard to,
give you advice on that because I don't
know
your personalities.
I don't know the nature of your friendship.
I don't know what happened within that year.
Right?
Some people, and I'm not saying her because
I don't know her, but some people do
what is called, like, love bombing. Right?
They
want to
give someone a lot of whether it's a
lot of love, a lot of attention, a
lot of gifts,
something, and and it is, you know, sometimes
used as a as a bait. Right? And
I'm not I don't want to
give the impression that it's always like that.
Some people are really good hearted and they
give and they are just simply
wanting to
be loving.
And, so we don't wanna have this negative
outlook because there are individuals
that no matter how much good they see,
they're paranoid. They have a paranoid
personality, and they may always see whatever goodness
that someone does as they're out to get
me. Right? Or there's a underlying
plot or yeah. So you have to be
very careful. Right? You have to make sure
that if you know a person's character and
you know that this person is just generally
good, good hearted, loving,
generous,
then that is, like and they're doing it
for the sake of a lot. That's one
thing. But then there are some people, sadly,
this is it's a,
what would you call it? It is
a methodology
that is used
to,
have it's it's almost like having power over
a person. Right? And then it's and it's
a way of kind of,
being in that relationship.
Narcissists will do this. So a narcissist personality
will do, like, a huge,
they will do something huge
to kinda rail you in, and then and
then the, like, the relationship is on their
terms. Right? So you just have to be,
careful with that. It's hard for me to
reflect on this anymore, why she cut you
off. I don't know what happened within your
relationships.
So it's it's a it's a bit difficult.
I but I would say
that since you've had a few,
few issues in your friendships,
I would really say it's it is worth
exploring.
It's worth
sitting with a counselor and just understanding it
because sometimes we may not see
our own shortcomings. We may not recognize how
we contribute to it,
and, and that's worthwhile. I I really would
highly highly recommend that.
Okay?
Let's see. How to manage okay. So we
said that
7
okay. Size, number 7 is size of a
toxic friendship.
Okay. So how do you know someone was
asking, how do you know if you're in
a toxic friendship? Right? Sometimes I have people
who are in a toxic marriage, and they
don't even know it. Right?
And I had one,
one lady, she was describing some of the
things happening in her marriage. I I'm like,
that is that's emotional abuse, and she was
just she was shocked. She didn't recognize it.
So we have to be cognizant of what
is what is toxic. Right? If there's constant
criticism or belittling. Okay?
If there's a lack of support or encouragement,
you find that there are some individuals,
they're only in the taking but not in
the giving. So if there's lack of support,
if there's no encouragement,
you know, if you are saying you're about
to
do something, whether it's, like, do a degree,
get a new job, do whatever it is,
a new diet, and then they they don't
even support you. They don't even say anything
positive. It's almost like they're,
they feel
either whether it's competitive
or intimidated,
so when there's a lack of support.
If they are manipulative,
they have manipulative
behavior
or emotional blackmail.
So the emotional blackmail is kinda like what
I was referring to. So, you know, there's
a big act of kindness, but then it's
like then it comes to bite you. Right?
So that, the emotion and being very manipulative.
Right?
You always feel like there's plotting and planning.
Right?
The next sign of a toxic friendship is
that it's one-sided,
where one person consistently
benefits at the expense of the other. Okay?
Excessive jealousy or possessiveness. So if you find
that someone is very,
they could be jealous of you or possessive.
Right? There's this possessiveness
of,
and I see this. SubhanAllah,
I never ever experienced this. Not like from
kindergarten
all the way through
all the way through
elementary, middle school, high school, college,
after college,
never experienced that.
Never felt that sense of,
friends being possessive
or the jealousy. I just didn't see it.
It was when I reached my
forties.
Wow.
Wow. Did I see that? And then it
just it just blew me away because I've
always been a person who brings
brings friends together
and wants to wants to help people meet
and connect and have fun, and it has
never
been an issue.
But upon a law,
I find that I I I'm trying to
figure out what it is, and it has
a lot to do with the lack of
maturity. Right?
And this is why I like with a
lot of my clients, I will tell them,
go through that series, the
the,
what is it, the phase on maturity.
And some of them will get offended. It's
like, what? Are you telling me I'm immature?
And I'm like, yeah. We all regress,
and it's important to recognize and to see,
do I have some of these immature characteristics?
And one of them is is that idea
of being possessive and not being able to
share, and it's either me or you or
it's just silly. It's really, really
silly.
Right?
Difficulty in communicating
openly and honestly. So a person may, like
you know, they'll be fine talking
behind you, but not
openly to you. Feeling drained or emotionally
exhausted after spending time together.
Now this is, you know, how I told
you I had some gut instincts about certain
people that I had met,
and one of the things I couldn't understand,
like, I would go
meet
with a group of, let's say, group of
ladies that will have breakfast. Afterwards, I'm like,
oh my god. Why do I feel so
drained?
I like nothing
positive about this, you know, the gathering.
Because the gathering, what did it consist of?
Talking about others,
criticizing,
being negative.
And I I really I just felt like
my god. I'm usually
uplifted by my friends because I'm very selective
in the in the friends that I choose.
And
in this situation,
I was judging the friendship
thinking
maybe, like, religiosity.
Like, if someone is religious, then they're automatically
good, and that's not the case. You find
individuals,
they could be amazingly
knowledgeable. They may have degrees.
They may have the Quran memorized, but the
character is lacking.
The character is lacking, and we really need
to choose friends based on character,
based on maturity,
based on, you know, being in a relationship
where you feel
good about that interaction.
Right?
If someone is disrespecting the boundaries or crossing
them regularly.
Right? So disrespecting the boundaries and then crossing
them. Another thing is gossiping
or the betrayal
of trust.
K? That is a sign of a toxic
friendship
and, and I that's very hurtful. Right? It's
very hurtful
at,
a situation. I I think I've shared it
with you all where I had a family
stay
with us. It wasn't it was it was
more of an acquaintance,
someone that I knew wasn't like a very
close friend. And after
4 weeks, like, family of 5 staying with
us, and after 4 weeks of being with
us,
her analysis was how that is too good
to
be true. She must be a fake. And
then she went and and basically spread that
about me. And so that it's so hurtful.
This is a person that I would get
up, attach it, and pray for her when
she was in difficulty.
I I cried, and I was so happy
for her when when her kids would reach
success.
And it's just it's just so
it's so hard to come to terms with
with that. It's upon a lot. But it's
a learning experience.
The inability to celebrate each other's success
or be genuinely
happy. You know, it's like when someone is
just you you you're
achieved some success and there's no joy, There's
no happiness. So that says a lot
about,
about the friendship.
Okay.
Let's see.
So you're saying, I feel
like that the girl
who had terrible romantic relationships
and can't understand why, except
I've had this with friendships. Either I'm the
issue or I pick the wrong friends.
Okay. So you feel like the girl who's
had terrible romantic relationship. I I can't understand
why. Okay.
So
that's
very
important realization.
There is a pattern
of behavior.
And if there is a pattern,
then
you definitely have to look with it. Okay?
And it could be 1 or the other.
Right? Either
you're gravitating towards the wrong friends
or you're bringing out the wrong characteristics in
people.
Okay? And that's why I really highly recommend
kinda delving into it and understanding it better.
It will make a huge difference if you
do.
Now how to get out of a toxic
friendship? How many of you have experienced
having a toxic friendship? How many of you
have just been stuck and you felt like,
you know, how can I,
how can I get myself out of this?
You are the sum of who you surround
yourself with.
We all find righteous friends and companions. Amid.
You're the sum of the 5 people you
spend the most time with, and I I
tell you
that
it has changed my life who I spend
my time with,
whether
religiously
when I first became religious and the people
who are around me, they just really lifted
me up or whether it's, you know, in
intellectually
where, you know, you find individuals who are
really driven. I have friends that are right
now striving to memorize the Quran, and they're
so committed to it, and they're working on
it on a daily basis,
or individuals
who are you know, they're just they're always
striving. Like, I have a dear friend of
mine right now,
sister Lauren Booth,
and I'm sure many of you saw,
my interview with her. She is right now
on going and sailing from Turkey
to Gaza on the flotilla, and there was
the opportunity of me being on that. And
it's I can't tell you that,
how how torn I am by by not
being there. Big part of me
wanted to be there, but it's just the
the responsibilities
and not being in I didn't know in
advance,
to be able to do that. So the
fact that she's putting her life on the
line literally.
Because in 2010,
when the full flotilla went to Gaza,
10 people were killed, kidnapped. There were Israeli
pirates that came on the ship. I mean,
it is it's a dangerous mission.
But seeing her put herself
on the line and,
you know, what she did in Ramadan, she
asked me to be on her program,
raising money to build houses
for Syrian refugees
and being able to provide these,
these families with homes finally after 10 years
of being in a tent.
I mean, that that really that inspires me.
And I see that when,
we were so we're impacted, and it it
inspires us to grow.
Okay?
Let's see. I feel I feel triggered. I
like how, yeah, you're so engaged, you guys.
So I saw a lot.
That is amazing.
I love I love hearing the feedback. And
if any of you have more questions, you
can ask as well. I feel triggered when
I hear toxic friendship because I feel like
I have been made to be the toxic
friend, but I generally don't think I am.
How do you deal with being,
the villain in someone's
story? Oh, that's that's that's a deep,
discussion.
And,
I have actually one of the questions is
gonna address it. Okay? One of the questions
is going to address,
am I
the toxic person? If those of you,
how many of you are,
are not on the mindful hearts and you're
just tuning in? Because this time, we made
it public
on YouTube so more people can kinda get
a taste of what we do,
and, and just kinda give you a taste.
Now, usually, I do a lesson.
At the end of the phase, we have,
like, 7 lessons on friendship.
At the end, it's like q and a.
I open it up. So are there is
there anyone attending that is not on the
mindful hearts? I would love to know. Yes.
Lauren Booth is very inspiring. She is a
go getter.
Met with her and her husband in Turkey,
very,
very genuine. You know? It's just, like, it
really warms my heart,
and,
and that's why it's so important to have,
to have these kind of friendships where it
just kind of it it gives you something
to aspire towards. Right? It's like whether it's
like memorizing the we're on or, like, you
know, working for a cause,
and and it's just we need that. We
need that reminder.
Alright.
Where was I?
Now okay. How to get out of a
toxic
friendship? Did we say that? Okay. I think
I was telling you, you know, you so
if if there is a toxic friendship, I
know you're triggered by that,
but
it sometimes does happen. Right? If you are
constantly
consumed
with feelings
of
anxiety
and sadness
and and and there's drama, drama, drama, drama,
then you have to realize that this is
not helping me move forward. Okay? So you
have to kinda you do have to set
boundaries.
Maybe seek support. Right?
It's important to have a direct conversation.
And sometimes, if it's necessary I hate to
say this, but sometimes you do have to,
like, you know, kinda just not end it
as it'll not be your friend anymore. It
don't have to be dramatic.
But if if you're not feeling
any kind of, like, positivity,
then then it may be necessary to end
it. Right? Focus on the self care,
take care of yourself,
and then you forgive and you let go.
You don't wanna be filled with bitterness.
You forgive, you let go
and, and move on. Okay. Now this is
the question. How do you know if you're
the toxic
person in the friendship?
If you remember,
I believe it was level 1 in mindful
hearts, level 1
phase 3. Can you all correct me if
I'm if I'm mistaken
on
emotional intelligence, and then I was talking about
how
people can be emotional vampires.
Right? Emotional vampires.
And it's so easy to say, oh, yeah,
you know, so and so, my in laws
are that and my sibling is that and,
you know, this person and that person, but
sometimes you're the you are the emotional vampire.
Okay? So let's see. What are some of
the characteristic?
If you're constantly
criticizing someone,
k, there are some people, they don't even
recognize it. I had someone I knew. I
she had a good heart. She really did.
But there was constant criticism,
constant judgment,
constant criticism. So it just felt like, oh
my gosh. You know?
It becomes very difficult to be with someone
like that. There's manipulative
behavior.
Right?
The manipulative behavior,
I remember
someone
someone told me years ago,
they said, oh, my husband does,
whatever I want. And I was like, oh,
how sweet. What a nice guy. I'm thinking,
like, he's just, like, one of those,
happy wife, happy life kind of a guy.
I said, oh, that's sweet. And she's like,
I will make him miserable
until he listens. And I thought, wow. That's
that's really dysfunctional.
That is truly dysfunctional. Like, you give him
a hard time,
and you have a fit and you have
tantrum just so that he conforms, that's really
unhealthy. So that that is, like, manipulative behavior.
Right? There's a lack of empathy. You share
something, like, let's say let's say someone shares
that they were just really hurt or they
went through this breakup or they have this,
like, financial loss, and it's like, be sure
no
no remorse, no sadness. Okay?
Boundary violations.
Okay? Whatever your boundaries are, the they're violated.
K? It's a one-sided
relationship,
and maybe we've all been
in this situation.
We've
all must have been a toxic person in
a relationship at one point or another. Right?
And it's important to be honest with ourselves.
There's some relationship that is only,
like, you know, the other person is always
giving. Right? There if there's jealousy or possessiveness,
if you feel jealous
and if you are really possessive, then, yeah,
you know, that that would that would make
for a toxic friendship.
The inability to take responsibility.
This is a really big one,
and it's one of the signs of a
narcissist
when they can't admit that they did anything
wrong. And it's so difficult it's so difficult
when I'm working with an individual
that their
relationship is broken.
They have a, like, a long list of
broken form
of responsibility. And I've had
let's say, couples who come in, form of
responsibility.
And I've had, let's say, couples who come
in and because I'm holding both of them
accountable,
you know, the spouse will get mad and
say, no. No. He's the only one he
has to change, not me. Right? Well, no.
You both have to change. You can't like,
if you think you're perfect and you don't
have to change, then that that's a sign.
First of all,
immaturity.
Right? There is this this lack of emotional
intelligence.
So if if you can't ever admit that
you're wrong,
that could be a sign that you are
a toxic person.
The lack of self awareness, I can't tell
you that this is one of the biggest
problems.
And that's why the fact that you're here
on this mentorship program, on the Mindful Hearts
Academy,
we have really gone step by step understanding
ourselves, understanding our emotions, understanding our insecurities, understand
there's so much of
deep
inner work,
and most people don't have that self awareness.
Right?
If there's a negative energy,
if you are
let's
say,
you're you're just you're always complaining, and I've
had that experience. Now
some people will
classify
things
wrongly. Right? You know, there there could be
someone who who may have an illness,
and when you say, okay. You really need
to get this illness treated, they'll just see
that as negative vibes. Well, no. That's not
negative vibes. We're like, we wanna be real
about something. Right?
So we have to also be careful
of the toxic positivity.
That toxic positivity
can be very damaging as well. What is
toxic positivity? Where you think everything there's, like,
just positive vibes,
no negative vibes.
Everything is good. No matter what is in
front of you, you never take action to
make it better because it's like that every
you know, I accept everything. And and when
you accept everything, then then nothing improves.
Okay?
And then it is the,
do you isolate yourself? Or, you know, do
you do you have a tendency to isolate?
So tell me,
honestly, if we're looking within,
do you sense that there's any of these
characteristic that,
that that you may have?
Are the can you admit
that maybe maybe sometimes in some relationships
that you were the toxic friend? Right? And
that that's an important question to ask, And
I think if we're honest with ourself that
we we may go through periods, we may
have moments where we are we are just
dumping. Right?
And I know that, we've all experienced that
because we go like, life is tough. Life
is very challenging,
and there's nothing wrong with going through periods
of like that as long as you, you
know, you
what is the phrase I always say? Jump
back or get back from setbacks?
Remind me. What is it?
Yeah. I it doesn't come to me, but
I always have said it in the past.
But it's not about
the falling. Right? It's about getting back up.
Okay?
And so
inshallah inshallah, we can learn
from these experiences. So the friends that have
come into our lives,
the people, the beautiful souls who have come
and touched our heart, the beautiful
souls who have made us
feel
loved.
We have felt the sense of, you know,
being uplifted,
being
fired. We have to really
cherish those experiences.
Right? And those individuals who have come in
our heart in our lives, and maybe they
really hurt us. Maybe they really,
disappointed us and and and made us really
frustrated and upset.
They all served the purpose. Right?
I have learned some of the most valuable
lessons from those difficult friendships.
I have learned
the,
how to be a better counselor
by,
you know, being stabbed in the back.
Multiple times,
I have learned to have more empathy
because of the hardships I've endured. It's opened
up my eyes. I'm no longer naive,
but I'm definitely still optimistic.
So it is really important for us to
understand
what it means to be a good friend,
to cultivate
to cultivate
those beautiful characteristics
when we wanna emulate the prophet, sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam.
He was an amazing friend,
and he had the, yeah, he had just
such an impeccable character.
And he he has taught us that the
heaviest thing on the scale is a good
character.
So the kind of friend that you are
says a lot about your character.
Right?
And we have to really
surround ourselves
with individuals that
are
luminaries, you know, with the these are individuals
who have their priorities right. You know, there
are,
there
in in my life, I've had,
friends
that sometimes it's like my nap's on steroids.
You know, this is, like, way back in,
like, in my twenties. I really felt like
this friend
friend on like, my nap's on steroid. Everything.
Everything that I love, like the dunya things,
whether it was makeup, whether it was clothes,
whether it whatever. It was like, oh my
god, on steroids.
And and being around that made me more
and more, like, love the dunya more. Right?
There are some people when you're around them,
you just you just end up spending so
much. Right? There's all this,
and I joked with a friend. I said,
oh my god. And I'm around. It's like
because it's always like, hey. Buy this, and
and look at this, and this is great.
And and look. They have a sale here.
And yeah. And it's not about, like, sales,
not, like, common items. Right? This is I'm
talking about huge items. Right? These are huge
items,
and and it's funny because she's like, you
know, I have that reputation.
All my friends' husbands are like, oh my
god. Don't don't hang out around this one
because she's like she makes you spend a
lot of money. And I I recognize it.
I'm like, oh my gosh. It's like I
wouldn't have even known about a lot of
this stuff, and I wouldn't have probably spent
on these things. But it just it it
all has to do with
who who you're spending time with. Right? So
we wanna surround ourself with people that are
inspiring, people who are working on themself, people
who have beautiful
characteristics,
people who are humble
and who are driven.
And when we surround ourselves with those kind
of individuals, then
then we can grow. And at the same
time, we do have to hold on to
the hands of those who may be struggling.
I always said this in my in my
halakha in Egypt that with one hand, you're
helping those. Right? You're helping pull those individuals
who need it. They may be struggling, and
they, you know, they've lost hope. I I
love being a source of hope for someone
who is lost. So and I if a
client comes in and they're like, everyone has
betrayed them, I wanna I wanna do even
more to give them hope. So you pull
up those individuals, but at the same time,
you have to pull yourself up. Now have
individuals
that are so committed, so
focused, so, you know, just
amazing, and you just you pull yourself up
at the same time. Because if it's only
one directional,
then you then you're not growing, and we
always have to be growing.
So,
let's see. I realized that I am more
like my mom than I think. What I
think is general
questioning
someone else might view as criticizing or judging.
I definitely lack self awareness in that. Girl,
give me a high five for realizing that.
Whoo. You guys let's let's
show some love. The sister has been on
fire,
This lesson, I love the interaction,
your feedback, your honesty, vulnerability,
and recognizing that is amazing. Yes.
If you question,
and this was one of the things that
was very hard in one friendship, and I
and I had to let her know that
I'm like, you know, you're just the,
the very, very judgmental
judgmental of others and never looking within. So
good job for recognizing that. Sister Helene, thank
you so much for this amazing lesson, learning
so much. Give me a high five, sister
Helene. You're always here,
always showing up, always working on yourself.
So tell me what what did you learn?
Let's let's quickly,
maybe write one phrase, one,
one thing that you're walking away with
as far as friendship. What is it that,
you benefited?
We had this time together, and I wanna
make sure that you're walking away with some
insight. Our sister told us she realized,
she questions
and people may see that as criticizing
and judgmental.
Yes.
And asking why questions. You know? Like, this
this friend I'm talking to you about,
I had gone, you know, grocery shopping,
and, you know, I had gone grocery shopping.
I was in a rush. I think I
was having people come over, so I said,
oh, I need to I need to pray.
Us. So she's like, you haven't prayed yet?
In this very, like, Joshua book. It's not
like I was sitting and watching Netflix. I
was, like, running around, and I was outside.
You know? So that that mentality of, like,
I'm judging you. Like, you're not you're not
doing a good job. Right?
And, you know, a friend a good friend
will go, oh, go go. Run. Run. I'll
take care of this. Don't worry about it.
That happens. That happens to me. That happens.
You know, we try our best, but we
don't wanna make someone feel judged. So quickly,
let me know what is it that you're
walking off right away with. To I want
you to tell me 2 things. Okay? 1,
how are you gonna be a better friend?
How are you gonna show up for your
friendships
differently?
Okay?
And 2,
what,
what did you learn about, like, let's say,
friendships,
or what are you going to seek out
in your friendships? So very quickly, give let's
put a couple of minutes,
and that way, it's a good,
it's a good little
reminder,
and it's a little review
because,
then we wanna,
I'll just make some dua for us that,
you Allah,
help us to continuously
work on ourselves, you Allah, with the characteristics
we
are aware of that we need to change
and those things that we are unaware of.
You Allah gently get us to
recognize our shortcomings and to work on ourselves.
You Allah help us to meet you with.
Right? Like, we wanna have a pure heart.
We wanna have
we wanna meet you when we are at
the peak of Iman. We wanna see you,
you Allah, when you are most pleased with
us, you Allah. Don't let us get
misguided
after you have guided us. You Allah, surround
us with your.
You Allah, let our children be surrounded with
with your.
You Allah, help us
to be a true
friend
with best character and to to be a
friend with Hassan.
And, y'all, help the friends that we have.
If they are good for us, surround us
with them. If they are not good for
us, you Allah, replace them with those who
are better and help us to distinguish between
good and bad. And, y'all, help us to
distinguish within ourselves what needs to be changed.
Y'all, help us
to truly
wake up right now. There's so much happening
with Palestine.
Yallah, help those people who are surrounded. Yallah,
those people who have moved 3 times under
and and and they are being attacked and
slaughtered, and, you Allah, this is the first
time
that there's been this awakening
about Palestine
within the universities. I think over 40 universities
are,
are doing the campaigns,
for the ceasefire. Not just ceasefire, but divesting
within the university. You Allah help them. You
Allah preserve them. You Allah protect them.
Tomorrow, the flotilla is going to from Turkey
from Turkey to y'all protect them. Y'all protect
them. They are going with such with such
sincerity. They are putting their lives on the
line. They have put their wealth on the
line. Yalla,
let this be the liberation of Palestine, yalla.
Yalla, let this be the reason
that, Gaza is not in siege anymore and
and protect them and let this bring relief
to all the people there.
And
I pray that Allah,
accepts the very little that we that we
do.
Sister Aisha Aisha.
Let's see. Aisha too. Aisha too. Right?
Okay. I have learned to look more into
my character and continue to work on myself
in order to be a better friend
by constantly
rewatching these lessons because they have helped me
so much. I regret so much.
Good job. Yeah. Let's show show some love.
I didn't see that y'all showed love to
the sister
that I said she was really participating
and just lots of hearts, you guys. Let's
see. But
but I see improvements
here and there.
I have come
so far working on my.
I'm so proud of you.
So proud of you for being here. So
proud of you working on yourself. Those of
you who are not a member of the
mindful hearts, if,
I sister Aisha, are you on? If you
could write a link to the mindful hearts
academy.
This is a mentorship program that I've been
running
since
2019,
and we have been working together in becoming
the best versions of ourself. And it's been
a beautiful, beautiful journey. How many of you
have changed
by being on here? How many of you
have seen
like a transformation
in your relationships
by working on yourself? Because that's something
that, you know, I love I love hearing
that,
when when you work on yourself, then your
relationships
become
exponentially
better. So,
you can if
I don't know if she's on. I'll write
it myself.
The
mindfulheart.com.
Just the Mindful Academy.
Here we go.
If you have a sister, you have a
wife, I think because there are some brothers
on,
share it with them, and it as they
become a better version of themselves,
your relationships will improve improve as well.
Any other questions? Any other comments?
Really happy that you're able to join in
that
we can be surrounded with the most righteous
people
and that we can be a source of
inspiration,
hope, and guidance.
Let's see, sister Aishdu.
You've been on the mindful heart since 2020.
High five, sister.
I hope that it's been helpful for you.
I see you, you know, you show up
on the lives. You interact. So that that's
a great way
to work on yourself
and,
wonderful.
So,
next week, we will start a new new
phase,
and I'm excited about this because,
it is the art of conflict resolution.
Right? So many people
struggle. They struggle with this. They don't know.
They don't know the first thing about conflict
resolution because either
they will
explode
and have a fight or they cut the
person off. Right? Or it's the silent treatment.
Take good care, and
Take good care, and