Channel: Haleh Banani
How to Improve Your Character In Ramadan 04: Control Your Anger!
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Okay, so I'm on the smilla wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah.
One of the biggest flaws, character flaws that people have is getting angry getting angry easily. Many moms have written me saying that they lose their anger, they lose their temper when they're dealing with their children. Many spouses what happens in the state of anger, they say rude things, they, they insult one another. Sometimes they even pronounced divorce in that state of anger. So today, the focus is going to be about controlling your anger because I was one of the things that the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam has encouraged us to do is swallow that anger, right. If you have, if you have something to argue about. And even if you're right, but you swallow that anger and
you do not fight just for the sake of fighting are proving that you're right, you will have a mansion building in paradise for you. And when the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam was asked
you to give me advice, you're a pseudo might give me advice. And he said Do not get angry, then he has to again, give me some advice that he can't emphasize did I get angry three times he emphasized that because
this is the problem with recording outside.
So when you when you get angry that she time entices you to overreact to say hurtful things, a lot of bad comes out of it. And that's why we need to be cautious. I have three P's for you in controlling your anger, the first p pause. When you feel fired up when you feel like you're about to whack someone or you're about to, say a rude word, or you're about to do something, just pause, pause because you need to reflect on what you're saying what you're doing. And remember that between stimulus and response, there is that period of time where you have to pause. A lot of times people are just reactionary, someone says something to them, and they just react back and many of us are
living in that state of being very impulsive, very reactionary. And when we're reactionary, we're not in control. We just are acting and not thinking. So during the next time that you feel anger, I want you to pause and think about the consequences. Think about what are these words going to? How are they going to affect my child? How are they going to affect my spouse? What's gonna come out of this. And when you reflect on that long enough, then it will make you stop what you're about to say. The problem is people are just not thinking, they just get it off their chest, and they feel like Oh, you know what, I just have to get it off my chest. But you know what, in that state of getting
it off your chest, you cause so much damage. So many relationships are broken. And no matter what you do, it's hard to get it back. So the first thing you need to do is pause and think about what your action is going to cause what is what is going to happen from your behavior. The second P is ponder in need to ponder about where is this anger coming from? Why are you so upset? Why is it that when your child, let's say does not respond to in the first time you get so fired up? Why is it when someone disrespects you, or someone acts rudely to it makes you so upset, reflect on it, and see what is the cause? Because a lot of times the anger is not about the situation that is presented.
The anger stems from something much deeper, it goes from something from your childhood, and you could be reacting to your spouse, and you overreact. And it really has nothing to do with what they said or what they have done. It's something way back in your childhood. So ponder about what is it that's making me so angry? What is it that's getting me so fired up. And once you know, then you can kind of observe it. You don't have to be engaged in it. You don't have to be so fired up. You can observe it you can zoom out of your life and watch what is happening and understand understand your anger. And once you have an understanding for it, you're no longer going to be so reactionary. And
the third P is to project you need to project your best self. You need to project that adult self of you. Not that little child you know we all regress when we get angry we become sometimes a teenager you need to talk to the hand or sometimes we become a toddler screaming and having a tantrum. So what we need to do is that we need to project the our best self
You think to yourself, what would my highest self do in a situation like this? How would I? How would I like to react to what would I do? What could I do to be proud of the way I handle it, because many times, we are just reacting, we're not thinking, we are not understanding the anger, and we are just acting as a child. But if we, if we stopped, and we think that I want to be my best self, let me handle this in a way that I will be proud of myself. Let me handle it in a way that I'm not going to have regrets and I'm not going to have broken relationships. If we can do that, then our life will be so amazing. And we see the example of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, how many
times was he disrespected? How many times was he treated rudely and yet, he always responded with compassion, and he controlled his anger. So we need to use that prophetic example we need to be an aspire to be our absolute best. So the next time you're about to get angry, whether it's at your spouse, at an employee, at your children, make sure that you do these three things p you pause you think about and you reflect
on the consequences of your behavior. you ponder about like, what what is this all coming from? Where is this anger originating from and then you project project your best self, and inshallah we're going to have a lot of less arguments, a lot of less outbursts and overreaction. So and hamdulillah inshallah, that we're going to work on this on our self build our character, and I encourage all of you to tune into my Ramadan relationship repair. This is an initiative I did last year to help people with their relationship you can sign up on my website, halibut ninety.com. Under courses is a free course you can take it this Ramadan and watch your relationship transform and
hamdulillah last year I had a lot of feedback from people from all over the world that they were working on their marriage and improving it by using this critical time in their in Ramadan to improve their marriage. So this is the Ramadan relationship repair. I hope that we all can work on our our character during this month so that all of the fasting all the prayer and that we're on that we're reading works on us and improves our characters Jazakallah head Salaam Alaikum