The Degree, the Job, the Marriage and the Kids; Can We Have It All

Haifaa Younis

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Channel: Haifaa Younis

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You will be surprised how many woman women all over the globe. They are so Tabata so I can be strong. Absolutely. I can be assertive. I have my opinion but same time I asked him, you shouldn't be on a platform like this giving our young women and young voices, most of the scores what they say the woman voice is not hour by hour. Because how can I teach this

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period? The degree, the job, the marriage and the

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and we have it all. We live in a society that breeds ingratitude and discontentment with the ideal is always somehow unattainable, where our vision of life is romanticized. And nothing seems to be enough. There's always one person with the healthier body, the higher paying job, the bigger house and the flesh Yaakov. Besides all this is our duty to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah as His servants. So how do we juggle all of this? We sat down with Dr. shefa Haifa Yunus, a world renowned international speaker, certified gynecologist and the founder of gender Institute to unpack the question, Can women have it all? Stay tuned to find out oh

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assalamualaikum Shahar how are you? Well, it costs around 100 lover a cattle handler or brown I mean, how are you can delay lead and the lead is such an honor for us to have you here. Hunger Allah it's a pleasure being here. How has simply been so far? I haven't seen much yet because I just arrived last night. But I know it's one of the most beautiful cities in the world. So I'm looking forward to like an opportunity to see all of them and neat all the sisters and all the programs that we have set up hamdulillah

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doesn't rival California in any way. Australia has a lot of in common with California Perth actually has it's reminded me a lot beaches of course. Again, Sydney I can tell yet.

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Brisbane Gold Coast reminds you of California, anything that has ocean beaches, reminds you of California, mild weather in general reminds you of California. So inshallah one day we'll come and visit. Don't wait. Don't wait and hamdulillah we're very excited to start this conversation today. We've got a lot to unpack. So we want to dive right into it. A lot of the questions on the viewers minds, I think one that comes to mind right now is how does Dr. Shehar, high fat do it all? All the different hats that you wear? Do you ever feel that there are so many different roles, you have to balance? Welcome to my life.

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Definitely sometimes, you know, like in the morning, you had a physician and then you had to have the executive director of JCI, then you had to have a teacher then you're a hot offer student of knowledge. Then you have the height of students of Quran. And then you have the height, the heart of a family. All of us actually it's not only me is everybody Allah created on this earth, He has given them more than one heart, the first heart we all have, and we all share as a human being. And number two hearts before getting even to gender and age. And the second hand we have is that we are His servants. So if everybody changed the concept of me what hat I am to a one hat only. This is how I

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actually back to your question. My main hat is on the servant of Allah subhanaw taala. So if he puts me in the morning, let's say as a physician in seeing a patient, when I'm a servant of Allah subhanaw taala so how I'm going to be the servant of Allah subhanaw taala under this hat, so I do whatever I need to do, but the focus is him. Then let's say I am having a meeting with the agenda Institute style, I'm still a servant of philosophy. How I'm going to serve Him then let's say I'm having a class teaching against servant and as the day goes on so the same thing because this is very common question I think this is the most common question I get from woman

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is how do you how do i or them do it all our I feel I am overwhelmed or I feel I can't I mean, so the the thing is, there's a statement or demand on our part secondary and if everybody learned this one, the life will be very different. He said in Arabic, homie hydro accom Attila or come to Acoma can stand up where Allah wants you to stand up, or stand up or Allah made you stand up. It's a very deep statement. So when Allah put you as a mother, because it is our is woman, I'm a mother. I'm a wife. I'm a daughter. I'm a full time employee, right? And I am a woman I want to take care of myself. And I want to please Allah and I want to study

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And then the moment you start counting, you get overwhelmed. You didn't even start anything. Sorry, forget the numbers. So in this moment, this day this year, where did he put you number one, for example, if you are pregnant,

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so you're pregnant, meaning you're a servant of Allah in the pregnant state. So I'm not going to expect, I am going to do what I if I'm not pregnant, I'm going to do because there's a limited ability in me. But that doesn't mean I am not a servant of Allah, or I am not pleasing Him the way He wants. So apply this on everything. Because what happens is, let's say a woman, deliver a baby, and she decided she doesn't want to work anymore. How do we look at her? Oh, you stayed home? Why?

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You know, what I'm saying is that she starts feeling guilty. Now she wants to go out and work. Again, I'm not talking about people who need to work, I'm talking about people their choices. We don't need to make, we don't need to make others feel, or we feel less in will Allah put us because I am serving Him. So if a lot which me again, if I'm in the kitchen, cooking, preparing meal for dinner, that doesn't mean I am less than when I'm seeing a patient in my office, could it be Allah knows, I am more pleasing to Allah, in that kitchen, preparing my the meal for my children, and especially if I don't like it, any, my My joy is not in in cooking, and people are different. But

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I'm doing it because that's what he wants me to do. Rest assured your reward from Allah is way more, or I will say more, but at least not less than when I am seeing a patient in the office. Because he puts me at that moment as a mother. And he wants me to serve my family. But when I am in the office, I am a servant of Allah subhanaw taala. So the first thing is where where is where did he put you, not only in the day, I mean, not only in the year, or in the months in the day itself. For example, when let's say again, you came from work, you're a working woman you came back from work in when you enter the house. Now the shift moves from being a servant of Allah at work to a servant of Allah

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inside the house. And that's how it is, but when we want to do when to do it all. And when we want to do it all according to what we think is more important. Allah will say okay, go and do it. And then we feel overwhelmed. So and again, one and second, which is extremely important specialty for a woman is priority. You prior to rise at this moment, what is number one I have to do? Right meaning in the child is crying, screaming, I'm in my salah obligation sada What does Islam tell me?

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If you have an access to the child, pick up the child, right? If you don't have an access to the child, stop your soda and go and take care of your child. Now this is Salah, more Allah is teaching me priority. I don't feel sad, why do I have a child? Why is he crying? No. Because when you stopped your solder, when to make sure your child is not because when the child cry, he's in either pain is for a reason. Yes. Then I made I took care of that child, I am a servant of Allah. I served them in the way he wanted me not I want I want to continue so now, but he doesn't want to he made the child cry. If you see this change in the way of thinking priority, and always the focus is not me on or

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people, the focus is on last one time and becomes easier. I hope this makes sense. Including I'm sorry, but I this is very important, especially for women, including taking care of yourself.

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Because if I don't take care of myself, I'm going to get burned out. And I'm going to say you know, I can do this and what we see these days. So when I take 30 minutes, or one hour a day, a lot of woman feel guilty, don't feel guilty. You're taking care of yourself, replenish yourself, rest so I can continue the journey.

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And our bodies and our souls have rights upon us. Absolutely. It's fun a lot that's very profound, especially when we realize that ultimate Allah created us for the sole purpose of worshiping Him. And a lot of us actually fall under that, you know, lack of self care, because we're prioritizing everyone else besides ourselves. So one of the questions that came to mind is the test of fame. How do we navigate you know, doing our actions sincerely, if we're in the public sphere, and really battling that fitna of fame sometimes just before I get to this question, because you said the beautiful word Allah created us for to worship Him. This needs to be clarified. Because when you ask

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people, What is this I mean?

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quoted the verse from the Quran mashallah on a HELOC to jeenode inside the area, this isn't supported that yet. I did not create insentient but to worship me. So what is worship? Because that's how you translate what is worship? What is when I ask any and I always do this in all the lectures, some of the some of the people who are listening, I was like, Yeah, I know the answer Alhamdulillah because we think you know, worship is I'm going to pray, I'm gonna fast I'm gonna go to Hajj I'm gonna pay my zakat the usual.

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Not only those, those are absolute, but this is not only it because I know who's gonna take care of this earth. Right? If I didn't create them, but to do worship, in that meaning is an all of us are at home or in the massage taking care of is actually remember, even Taymiyah defined it beautifully. Is act of worship is everything, everything Allah loves, and pleased with sayings and actions, external and internal as Pamela handler. So somebody comes in and says cinematical, right? I responded, and I said, why he comes around, it is a good deed, I am going to get the benefit, because that's an act of worship, okay? There's something Allah loves, please do it. External Anissa

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saying, so if you look at that, also, a lot of the things that we feel I'm doing it, but I know I have to do it. But that's not an act of worship. It is an act of devotion. It's a mindset thing. It's your mindset. It's a mindset, for sure. But also it is learning in education, the more you learn, the more you'll know. And the more you'll put the priority, not what people think you should is, you say what Allah wants? And your your question was, so about the fifth note of fame, some people who are in the public sphere are doing power, they navigate that, I'll tell you what, it's the it's not only in the public's spirit, anytime Allah gives you a nearmap.

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Definitely, when you're in the public eye, it is way more. But even if you are, let's say, you got the prize for the best teacher.

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How do you say to yourself, I taught for the sake of Allah.

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And I in general, is that's a whole lecture called sincerity. But let's give you the bottom line as we save,

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if I am, or let's say this way, and also includes any action in the House. So you said you're cooking, and you said, I'm cooking, because I'm taking care of my family. And that's what Allah wanted me to do. And I am an act of worship. Then Allah has gonna say, really? This is for me? Um, yep, yes, yalof. So anytime we do something pleasing to Allah, external, internal, and the intention is for Allah. If I don't get the praise, and I get upset,

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then revisit your knee.

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Or if I get people who will criticize me,

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and I get upset, then I need to revisit, revisit my knee, I take the criticism very well. Because you know what I say Allah sent them to show me something, I didn't see it.

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Maybe that was not my intention, or that I didn't pay that Hamdulillah. But I don't get upset. Because if you get upset when someone come and tell you, your shortcomings, revisit your knee. And also ego comes there.

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Anytime someone tells you, you're wrong. And a lot of people say that I get upset, then I need to really work on my ego. So in the public eye, it's more obvious, but it's actually in everyday action. But in public eyes are because now your people know you people, you don't want to take pictures with you and all this, you keep reminding yourself in and out, literally in and out before the lecture after a lecture before an interview. After the interview. You say to Allah Subhana Allah Ya Allah, it's only for you. I say this to myself and to everyone who's in the public eye the moment it gets to your heart, get upset when someone says something, you need to take a break. Because now

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it is it is seeping gradually. It's coming to your heart and a little

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out of his generosity, you send you an indication.

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So take a break and pull back. It's like a wake up call. It's a wake up call. Absolutely. Look and says Why did you get upset? Right? It could be true. Right? And if it is not a true you know what? Alhamdulillah it is not to me. Yes. That's it done. And if it's true, okay, great, your umbilical handy. You send me a warning. Let me go and work on myself. But if I get upset,

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let alone I speak up, let alone I make something public. Then I have a huge ego came in because of the fame and you know the one

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I'll find the money and, again, anything in life that is near AMA, while there's a lot of Nemo, we don't know what to name a lot of the blessings but something that people think it's a blessing, like in that in that category.

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Absolutely Subhan Allah actually reminds me of both scholars how they say, you know, one of the biggest things even they grapple with is adjusting their Nia so that it is pleasing tools from Allah, you keep reminding Elijah and one of the do as I always say, journal Holliston you carry your alarm, make it pure for your,

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for you what you get credit for your generous face, it's a literal translation, but meaning it's only for you. And he will test you.

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test you with this absolutely anything you claim, not to anything I claim with Allah subhanaw taala, you will get this sometimes on the spot, literally didn't even finish the word. And the test comes in and the lucky. The Blessed One is the one who knows he or she know it's a test accepted. Look into it, learn from it, and change.

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And I think to develop sincerity, you need knowledge and you need awareness. And this is what my second question was about in terms of

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can you tell us a little bit about gender Institute and what inspired you to inspire John Institute is actually a woman to woman Institute, where we do things we do we teach general Woman Of course, but not students of knowledge, meaning, the goal is not to graduate scholars, female residents, teachers, or professors in university, no, our goal is to reach out to the mass. I want every woman, every mother in her home, to learn her Dean to know her Dean properly actually, we started the year of knowledge. Two years ago, September will be the third year. And the motto of it is what every Muslim Woman Should Know. Or should learn, but not learn here. Any theory I know you know, I

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memorize the Quran I memorize all the Hadith hamdulillah blessing, but what did it do to you?

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Do I see it in your actions? Do I see it in your interaction with people? Do I see it in your relationship with Allah span data? So what inspired me actually when I was studying in Jeddah, because I studied in a woman only Institute. And it was fascinating. Yes, because I have not had this experience before I had it in medicine. But I haven't had it in Sharia and Islamic studies in it was a completely different experience. It's especially when the woman teachers are as qualified as the man. But they bring things from different perspective. They understand us more, let's put it this way. And I actually remember, it was a class of RTD. And I was sitting there 2000, I think 10

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or end of 2009.

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And I said, Yo Ma, how many women can do what I did I mean handler by millimeter easy. I was able to, you know, pack and move. And a lot of woman can do that. Right? But that doesn't mean they shouldn't study. So I said the whole law exactly what what I am sitting I was in the courts. So the law just like you gave it to me. I want something like that. In America. And the United States, I had no idea how I'm going to do it. I didn't go to study, to teach, or to have an institute at all I want to study because I love it. I wanted to memorize the Quran, because I said, I memorize all the books of medicine, we usually do that. Right? Then I need to memorize the book of Allah. Why not? I

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mean, this is words of a human being, why not the words of Allah subhanaw taala. But then, this is how it is, when Allah look at you inside you. And your Nia was not fame, and and well known and doing this and doing that he starts using you. And he starts using you in a way you didn't plan it. I didn't plan it at all. Right? And even actually, I didn't plan to be public at all. Absolutely, because I was worried about many things. But then once the social media time came in, you know, especially Subhan Allah just before the COVID Yeah. And you know, how the COVID the social media exploded, because everybody was home. I just said, You know what, there is a lot of things on social

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media that we all complain about, right? Anything Allah gives us it can be very beneficial and the opposite. Yes. And then I need to balance this. And Subhan Allah is somebody who convinced me, may Allah give him genitally for dose, and I said fine.

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And subhanAllah Nigella is less than three years Honestly, I was like, Really, this is what it but this is how it is. So when you for Jana Institute when I started the year of knowledge, I didn't know when we had the first planning meeting, the team asked me how many students you think they will join. I said I had no idea. You know, it's just an online program. You don't know and I said that I caught it.

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Here's what I saw. You saw Tosa that he said to say gnarly layup de la vicarage, Julian Wahida Highlander coming from aurinia, Allah guides through you one person, way better than you have, you know, the whole herd of let's camel. And I said if I have one student we're starting, And subhanAllah now we have a wait long waiting list. This third year, we are all completely filled out. And we started which was supposed to be one year only, we started second year only for the like you finish the first year with all the requirements and you can move on to the second year. And now SubhanAllah. Again, just leave it to him. As I keep telling people leave it to him have the pure

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intention, you really want to serve Him be the servant of Allah, he'll bring it to you. So now a lot of the woman feedbacks we are getting we have students, including from Australia, the biggest problem is what is a difference of time time, right? And then it is an 11 hours of life teaching I teach. So some woman really can't attend.

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And this some people might in a one year it's it's really condensed for them. Okay, so we just started we launched last week, we call the year of knowledge self paced, okay, we have the recordings, we actually did a lot of work on the recordings. And then you go and you sign and you study according to what you want. Yeah, every week we release a new contents, you finish it in a year as it is, you want to fish for three or four years, you know, there is expected exams, assignments, I'll meet with them every now and then. But this is not a requirement like they have knowledge. So this is what Janessa do. That's one part. And then I do also like here, I come

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internationally do tours, and you will be surprised. Yanni, if anything Allah taught me in this tours because I was in Malaysia, or beginning of June that I went to Europe and have your analysis Australia is how many women all over the globe, from different backgrounds, they are so thirsty to learn. So I said don't blame me that people are not interested with all due respect to personal say that Allah showed me is not like I am thinking showed me. I mean, I was in Denmark, I was in Amsterdam, and everything we are teaching is not like you know, something easy. But core Arcada core, the Hadees and how you connected with your life people are very hungry to learn. Yes, they

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really want to learn and they just want it to be related to their daily life. So humbler Ryan that's the goal of Janessa too. So I do these tours. I do weekend courses every two three months. And then we are part of you know, like we have next month in Shoreline California huge conference with all the institute's in the United States we have a model of your pain Jana Institute, I okay stomach Institute of knowledge. And we have miftah Institute and column. We're all getting together, you know, giving a whole 12 hour conference so hamdulillah Danny, we're not trying to do a lot to encourage women to learn don't say I can don't say I don't have an opportunity. Don't say nobody

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teaches me you know hamdulillah and may Allah put Baraka we're still a lot of Clans. Yes, laylaz pantalla Make It Happen European put Baraka in it and make it only for his sake.

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The women out there have so much potential, it's just we just have to reach out and I think we need to reorganize ourselves and our priorities and don't say you can do it now inshallah I would say Allah will make it happen. And I liked your OB I really wanted in wait till he opened the opportunity. Don't say I want it today. Maybe he doesn't want it to do maybe you want it tomorrow. Wait, and and he will surpass I don't know when you make your hero you concern. It's like if that's what dunya while you're rolling the whole mechanic era. Exactly. So first one is auto Silla also ever make an Acura? The main concern? What did he say? Gemma Hola, hola, Hashem, Allah, Allah

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subhanaw taala will gather all his affairs, meaning you will focus. You will not feel I have seven things to do to do. I don't know what I'm going to do now. Right, right. And then it's a three things Jamal Allahu Allahu Shamli. The last one I'm remembering now. What's the dunya all here all human life, wealth, money, children. All definition of dunya will come he doesn't want it. She doesn't want to run runs to it. Because I focus on the Accra And the opposite is in the Hadith, womankind. duniya, Hama Oh, and Johanna Dino Colby. So the person who focused on the after three things will happen. Number one, Allah will gather all his affairs. Second, Allah will make him or

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her feel the outreach, John arena. Because feeling satisfied content you have everything. It's internal, it's not external. And then life dunya will come running to you and the opposite is true.

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So it's powerful. It's like you know, we want that degree. We

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On that workforce, you know, everything is on our minds. And, you know, you never are happy sometimes with your pursuit of everything. But for example, for women in the workplace and successfully pursuing a career, how can they stay modest, but also assert their personality in their careers? There's there is no contradiction. That's the first thing. Modesty doesn't mean I'm weak. And strong, doesn't mean I am not modest. This is we need to redefine, honestly, and we need to make clear Islamically what is modesty? Right? So if I am soft spoken, that means I'm weak. Or if I am loud, does that mean I'm strong? On the contrary, actually, if you're loud,

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most people will say why she is shouting, right or why he is shouting even for the same for the both gender. So basically, what what modesty is follow Allah's Fantana rules.

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Period. What did he say? Dress ABC dress ABC? Right? And he said, for example, no Hello between man and a woman in the workplace? No, hello, I'm your man and you have a meeting with the door open period. Right. Latter vulnerable code fair Tamala lb Murrow don't speak not softly only but in a way suggestive way than the person and this has taught the wives of Rasul de Santos. So, the person who has a sick heart will feel the desire this can be anybody this could be me, it could be any man this could be any person. So I need to as a woman, I need to put these boundaries. The way I speak. I speak soft, I speak gentle. A form right and I always make sure I have this pride I call it private

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space, private space around me private space, even in discussion, professional even if you there, there is a time for a joke there's a time for a joke but even the joke is with higher is always the highlights Hello call Islam. The only l higher oil EMA Corina Jamia and higher is modesty, bashful, no, there is not a word to translate modesty, bashfulness, humbleness, right? And Iman faith that together. If one is left, the other will leave that's hadith of rasa Santosa. So I can be strong. Absolutely. I can be assertive, I have my opinion. But at the same time, I am a Muslim woman.

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Once you define this Muslim woman clearly in your dress code in your interaction, I can tell you from my own experience, people will respect you even more.

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Absolutely, and you will, which I found it really easy. There is a lot of things that you don't need to worry about because they're not going to do it. That's right, they're not going to be this talk or that talk. Or you know what I mean? They may put their hand the first time because he didn't know and you just gonna explain to him very easily please forgive me I can do it with Don Carlos. Right, they're not going to be a physical contact they're not going to be let's go out you know the group and whatever all these things will be you will be protected the fact that you are a woman Muslim obvious, conduct yourself as a Muslim woman and at the same time, you're very professional, you're

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very good in your work, you pray but I'm not going to pray for hour and a half in the in work 510 minutes in my break. And you have to be the model Allah wants you to be specially woman and that also applies to men. I because what Allah tells me you know, you respect the oath you respect the covenant yours, and the way I speak I'm truthful Oh, she's Muslim, she will never lie. That's how it should be him

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you're thinking actually trigger the thoughts. I know the both of us funnel law now that being online, a lot of the brothers sometimes have that you know, the as from sort of hazard quoted and say, You shouldn't be on a platform like this giving our you're a woman you know, your voice is our Well, I'll tell you what we have to

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once we get to this, now you're getting to a 50 discourse. Now the 50 discourse is a different opinion. Yeah, most of the scholars they say the woman voice is not our because how can say the I teach the sahaba.

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Period? Simple behind

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like, because see, the actual was meanwhile, if you jump behind a curtain or a barrier, right, so the difference here is, is between opinion, and I'm gonna I'm not gonna say this brother is wrong. Although the horror voice is very, it's one of the weakest opinion but it's some people say that right? But in general, we need to learn to respect each other. Right? The deen is wide open

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I chose this and there is this as long as this within the boundaries with Allah subhanaw taala. Put the woman who conducts herself online, through online or in public by the boundaries of Allah. Where niqab does when it can't that's also a different, right? If you do that and just be open and says, You know what this is your opinion with all due respect, I disagree. This is my opinion, as long as both opinion within the boundaries, if any one of them whether mine or his or her is outside the boundary of Sharia, then I'm wrong. And I have to say I'm wrong and I need to change.

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I think it's important for us to actually have in mind what those boundaries are, especially when not even just to choosing in the workplace. But when we're choosing a degree or when we're going to university. Where are we going? What are we doing the boundaries doesn't matter between a Muslim man or a non Muslim? The boundaries is avanza for law. So whether I am in a university or I am in a masjid, right, my interaction with the opposite gender is the same. Right? My interaction with the place is different because as a place of Allah's Pantheon, my feelings, my Tavi magnification is different. But when Allah with the boundaries and the talk to the wife of Rasul, Allah is auto

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Islam. It was not a Muslim or a non Muslim. He left it open. So I don't look at this as a Muslim and this is a non Muslim saying, they are men. They are non Muslim, then I need to have an I am a Muslim woman at work. I'm a Muslim woman at home. I'm a Muslim woman in the street. I'm almost a moment in the masjid. I'm a Muslim woman on the same, it doesn't change.

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It's like the identity never leaves you and we're so proud of it, carrying it wherever you go. hamdulillah Milady word every woman you're BME Muslim woman struggling to be obvious was the moment let's put it this way. Yeah, right. Because it is it is very easy. And there is challenges comes with May Allah reward and keep everybody strong. And including men who also especially at workplace, they have to stand up for their for their relief or for loss pantalla want them to do. Talking of challenges we talked about, you know, choosing the right degree choosing the right workplace employer. The question then comes what about choosing the right spouse? And the question that arises

00:32:23--> 00:32:47

or that's arising in the modern day is, is it okay for a girl to look for the one herself? Okay, let's take it one by one. temblors know the beauty of Islam Wallahi Islam didn't leave anything without addressing it. Like what did the Roswaal is AutoSum taught to me as a woman, let's say as a mother, let's say as a grandmother, let's say as a daughter,

00:32:48--> 00:33:11

in relation to marriage, and as parents, right. So for me as a woman, or what he said, he said in a comment or Bernardino, hello, if a man propose that you're pleased with two things, Dina religion and follow his manners. Because we do the order is say, yes.

00:33:12--> 00:34:01

These two if I put these as a priority, meaning if these are not there, the answer is no right away. If these are there, then you come to the last ones, which is basically compatibility, which a lot of that's fine. And what did he say to the man about the woman ductable, Murali Arawa the woman is usually sought after for marriage for four reasons, beauty, wealth, status, and religion. And then he gives the advice, how they can be dealt with the interlocutor, choose the woman of the day. So here I am. The most important thing is me as a woman, back to the first thing we said, I am a servant of Allah. So when I am at that moment, making a decision about marriage, or I'm involved in

00:34:01--> 00:34:03

that decision, don't forget your servant of Allah.

00:34:04--> 00:34:20

Right? That doesn't mean I'm not going to have feelings towards that person. There's nothing wrong with that. As long as the feelings are pleasing to Allah, and the feelings goes with the what Allahu wants me to do. So if I go like that, and put the boundaries or I'm sorry, put the

00:34:22--> 00:34:33

outline that are swollen salatu salam said it's an absolutely fine. Looking for it alone. We have to be very careful. We always know the beauty of Islam.

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Islam is the I call it dean of prevention is not a dean of treatment. Treatment comes later. And treatment comes sometimes people say wow, yeah, this is tough. Well, if you know what was before it, then you will say that, for example, and I always bring it mother and a child. Right. The mother said to the child Don't get close.

00:35:00--> 00:35:23

To the stove, okay, and she put all the boundaries including a gate including put to the stop, like to turn off the stop on the stop is very difficult you know all these output, right? And she kept telling him if you put your hand will get burned if he did not follow all this and the hand get burned at the end is that crew

00:35:25--> 00:35:26

she did her job.

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So here you go. So, for example, Islam said the punishment of stealing is cutting the hand. Wow. Right this day and age. But if you look back at all the social parameters and the social

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advices or orders Allah put for a Muslim community, it will be very difficult for someone to see what happened to the Zika Yeah, what's happened to the charity like at the time saying no, I'm not I'm not obligees there was nobody to give us a cotton Yeah, so of course nobody will steal. So now come back to your question. Can I go and look for a spouse alone? What Islamic education you have? What is your control over your own emotions? Remember emotions plays? So you know, am I doing it Allah pleasing way? Meaning I'm involving other people in this especially if you're very young involve your parents involve your siblings? Because what this will keep me on track because once

00:36:32--> 00:36:51

emotions get involved, unless you really wise it's very difficult to go against it. I mean, we are human. We're all human. But by the way this is both gender is not only a woman Yeah, this is even a man Yeah, right. So here I am looking for a spouse what is wrong with that? Um, say Dalida sent the

00:36:53--> 00:36:57

proposal to rasaan is what nobody said this is haram.

00:36:58--> 00:37:44

But what was the parameters? How did it go? How did she come to know Him? So yes, you can look and people always ask about also, you know, the marriage app and all these things can I have my friends and I said you know what, as long as it is following the halal 100% parameters of Allah, then this will be like, like a friend introduce you to a friend but you really have to be very careful. And especially the online ones involve someone else with you. Because that someone else will see things maybe you don't see it, and then you will be protected. And ask Allah the most important thing I didn't hear it in the question ask a lot of biller Don't you want the hierarchy thing? So it is a

00:37:44--> 00:37:54

carry as Alon he was old, how many years he didn't have children. And he turned to Allah right immediately first the job Nana you responded to

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and that will also be in the limits and when hiring for clear I mean this about the blessings Allah gives you with in general anything you want. And I think we Muslims need to go back to the basic anything you want. Ask Allah first you want to get married? Go to the student credit or loans as your Allah sent me the right husband, why do I have forced to do it my way? Yeah. And then if it didn't work, then I'm gonna go on the DUA.

00:38:22--> 00:38:53

Do the DUA beggar him, tell him you are the only one who's going to be able to send me the man, the one that pleases you? And be patient and obey him? Meanwhile, I mean, I'm going to ask Allah and I disobey him. Yes, he was something here this morning. Subhanallah because he is curious, but in general, turn to Allah, nothing wrong with that whatsoever. Ask him the right way. Show me guide me protect me. So if again, something happens that shouldn't be he'll protect you right away.

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And he'll make it easy to everybody. And I think also we as a Muslim community, we need to help each other because we live in a non Muslim and non Muslim society and then it's not like you're living everybody knows everyone and it's a little bit limited. Yeah, and I think there is nothing wrong with Muslim community helping each other in not only in profession, but also in the social realm. Having a strong community in this sense is really really important and people thinking that you know what, we need to start thinking how we're going to make the marriage for this younger generation easier. Allah pleasing, instead of leaving them go and find Yeah, right. We need to also as Hamlet's

00:39:33--> 00:39:59

are starting, but not on a huge scale yet but you have you have like, like in the community where I was before you get this couple of families that's what they do. They arrange for like a gathering, stomach gathering, they are there right for the people to meet each other. And they require stomach address and they you know, all these stomach boundaries, and then they can meet

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May Allah make it easy. I mean, it comes back to the whole idea of you know, when is the right time for certain people and the idea of taboo like in some cultures, you find that all women have an expiry age is this true?

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You come now to the culture.

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This is one of the things we really have all

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to start separating, there's a lot of good things in cultures. I mean, it really it's a joy, right. But also there is a lot of things in culture. People think it's religion, that's where the problem comes in. And or the focus on the culture is more than the religion when especially when the religion and culture clash contradict each other, or clashes. And then we go after the culture. The age, you know, the clock is ticking, which is a word I really don't like to use, is comes from medicine, right? Simply because, you know, the fertility of the woman after certain age become less my answer to my patients, because I get this all the time. How old was say the holiday when she

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started getting pregnant?

00:41:09--> 00:41:11

In her 40s? Yeah. And how many children?

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Six, six children? Exactly. SubhanAllah. Right for alive. But total six. So here you go. When Allah wants you to get pregnant, what is it going to say? Configure?

00:41:28--> 00:41:47

Right, say the Meriam best example. Yeah, any we have it? This is why I tell you is dumb. didn't leave anything they didn't give us. But we just don't pay attention sometimes. Say the Maria No, baby. I mean, no husband, nothing. Nothing. She became pregnant, right? Say to Haitian, young, he loved her the most natural.

00:41:48--> 00:41:50

So what we say is

00:41:51--> 00:41:59

for men, he absolutely advised that he saw Tosa, Yamaha Shiva Valley, Cuba for millennia South Africa. So young men

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get married early. If you cannot, then fast. Why is that? Because look at around us, the temptations, right and to stay. The way that pleases Allah is not easy. So I need to help myself. And I will say this also to the girls these days, because a lot of temptations are on the social media, you know, media, everything else. So to try to get married early Alhamdulillah, brand new, that if you become 30, or 35, it's not the end of the world, even if the society think it's the end of the world, in fact, now, again, medicine, if you see it, like in the office, the average age of getting practice is not 20 or 25. No, it is usually late 20s, early 30s. Very common after 35. Yeah.

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So don't delay it. As I always tell people don't delay it. And don't rush it is easy, but Allah will just make dua and Allah will send you in the right time, the right place. But we, again, the time and the day, we're living why take things under control. And who has the control Hamdulillah.

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Think in our circles, especially like this, there's a bit of a race, you know, Oh, she got married first. She must be better than me. I wonder what she has that I'm lacking. So I think we need to really analyze the situation are we ready ourselves to become wives?

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I wouldn't say this way. I will say

00:43:27--> 00:43:29

better people

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is not by the dunya standard. This is our problem. We judge people by dunya standard. Right? So she has a PhD. I have a college degree she's better than me who said that?

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The who said how I say to myself? Who has the who is the only one who has the right to judge who's better than other. Allah Spanner was the creator. What did he say? It's right. Jonas Nahalat. The current one, which anarcho Shogun Wakaba laid out in a chroma Komenda law he attacks people, not Muslims, believer people created you from a man and a woman made up nations and tribes so you know each other. First up in Chroma Komenda law here at Auckland, this is why it is here because people think I'm better because I am this or ayanda No, it is the most economical, the most honorable, in the sight of Allah is the One who have Taqwa. So if she or he got married before me, that doesn't

00:44:34--> 00:45:00

mean they are bad or they are better. This is a decree Allah has allowed it now. If you become if I become a teacher, and you become a doctor, you're not better than me or I'm better than you is how Allah divided it. Yeah. And if I believe ALLAH is Allah, and we all do, Allah has just that's just Yeah, I just have to, I think all what you are. We have been talking

00:45:00--> 00:45:32

Since the beginning, I think the issue is we need to know Allah better. I always say this once you know Allah one, I'm not saying the names and you memorize them notarize the Quran Humla to read in, learn, and know and practice the meaning. For example, I always say this to the students in the unit of knowledge. And I said, What is the Rosa Kimmy? Oh, is the one who gives sustenance? Oh, he's the one who also students. Okay, so you believe in this? Absolutely. This. So I say why, why when you go for an interview?

00:45:33--> 00:45:45

And you have prepared very well, everything. Right? And you did excellent in the interview. And guess what? You didn't get the job? Why do you come out and start blaming it on this and that?

00:45:47--> 00:45:53

Didn't I just say Allah? Is Allah Rosa? Doesn't that translate to? It's not in my recent period?

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So I think all what we really, really need to focus on, learn again, is who's Allah subhanaw taala? How are we implementing

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our beautiful religion and our faith in our daily life, in our daily life is not in just the external, but in our daily life. And every when he touched us, and when he gives us what I will say, test us with what we want. And He tests us with we what we don't want, how do we respond?

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They also allow us to, you know, be excellent in the trials that he gives us. And mean. Trials is actually this is I'm glad you brought this because trials is both good and Allah give me a job. It's a trial. And when Allah doesn't give me a job, exactly the same trial. Whenever you come with Sheree will highly fitna or Elena to Jiang. We will test you with what you don't like, what Hi, what's your lie? Good. So if I get the job, it's just and if I don't get the job, same test, he just the reaction that pleases Him is different.

00:47:02--> 00:47:46

If you were to give advice to someone who's just beginning their relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. How would you encourage them to like what are the small steps that they can take? Like, study the Quran, learn his words, I like to refer to the Quran his words, it makes it changes the mindset. The best way to know about an author, read the book. And this is the book, but you don't read the book and you don't know what Allah is saying. I'll still be rewarded because again, because he's generous, right? So when you say Alhamdulillah here, O'Brien, everybody know this? What does it mean? Grant translated, all Praise to Allah the Lord. What does it mean? What does it mean in my

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life? Now I'm doing this interview with you. Right? Or when I traveled yesterday landed in Sydney, what does it mean? The more we whether young or old, by the way, because there is never too late to learn. When I start learning, what does it mean to BarakAllahu Ramadan me? I really mean all this. What is a ROB? What is it? Ah, that's the first thing we study in apllied.

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My poor couple of things will change who I am. What is my ability? What can I do? And the most important thing we all should learn and would learn be if nila, I have no control.

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And this is the opposite of what the day and age we are living? Yes, I did it. It's mine is how we say it, right? Yes. No, I didn't do it. Allah made the Tappan.

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I did not study Allah made me study. I didn't pass because many people studied way more than I am. But Allah did for who did not let them pass and he made me pass. And unless I know about Allah, well, then I'm not gonna get frustrated. Why me? It's not fair. You know, I don't say why me when I get the good things. But when I don't get the good things, I say why me? So the first thing I'll tell every Muslim and Muslim Allah, listening to me, honesty, learn about your Creator.

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And everything in life will change. You have everything you will be very grateful. You have nothing, you will be very grateful. It's amazing how it will be because you know who you are dealing with. So hands. Yeah, and you take one step towards the last panel data and Allah will take how many steps you go walking, he comes running. Japan, I

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think it's fantastic that we eventually waited to this point. It's very important. Like I know a lot of young mothers, you know, taking care of children. child rearing in this age is so challenging. So how can we give certain advices to young mothers especially grappling with all these different forces of Western media trying to influence their children? What is parenting? When you say children, we have a defined divide ages.

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I think when they are really babies, we're making it difficult.

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So we are making a greedy is like a big deal. What is the big deal is a baby beautiful? I mean, what does the baby need, like feed change the diaper quite making sure that he or she is safe asleep. Yeah, but we are making it because you know what we are putting in front of us. The picture of Superwoman. And the picture of Superwoman is by being this the Superwoman is the one who pleases on last pant that. So when you have a baby or take care of the baby, but you take care of your husband, take care of yourself, take care of the house. And then if you're working take care of your body, where the challenge comes in. And it is not for mothers only is for parents is when they start going

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to let's say public schools, or they go interact with the outside, especially at the age where they will start knowing right from wrong, or they say it in

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sinner tummies at 10 years of age now, where the parents really need to be involved, but the parents needs to be involved in the right way. Also, the parents needs to know what is going on outside. What is the challenges these beautiful souls are facing? Acceptance, who are acceptance, who are you? Background, right? You're if you still have an accent, or you brought the accent of your parents with you, the skin color, education, morals, what Islam tells is, you know, there is a lot of challenges they are facing, I always say I have a class for the youth every week. And I say to them, honestly, I don't know if I was born raised in this day and age how I was doing, we have to

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acknowledge is not the same as when we were having said that parents really need to be very much involved. And one or two hours a week have a stomach teaching is not enough. In in face of all what is happening. The most important step to protect the children is what

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the parents has to be practicing. Walk the Talk, the parents can tell your child go for Salah and you have not prayed you can do that child, maybe he will listen because he's scared but then later on he will not or she will not do so the most important to protect the children number one, you as parents know the dean and the dean and after as a priority. The child Dean and Afra will become priority number one. Number two, learn and teach them about Allah. Again, engraved in them that leader because this is what keeps us going. We are living. Anybody who's living in this day and age, especially in the Western world. We're living in America time. We are living like when the Sahaba

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lived in the muck in Makkah, we're not in Medina. Yeah. We are living in Mecca where everybody around us don't believe in what we believe and make fun of us. Right? Yeah. What did Allah taught them in the Quran? The hallmark consumers? What does it talk about? So that Takeda believe, you know, Jana ashira, who's Allah, who's this, they didn't talk about any of the rulings of Islam, all came, the matinee schools, if you look at them there, most of them is related to do and don't get rulings. So here I am, I need to know when I am here, Allah brought to me or I was born here. I need to know my surroundings. Parents needs to put dean number one. Parents needs to be not shy of being

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a Muslim. Yeah. And being proud of being a Muslim. Having said that, it is not an easy pathway. It is because you're going to be different from everyone around you. Alhamdulillah that's why I need to know Allah. We your Winnie, the strong, one of the names of Allah will make me strong, when I am connected to him.

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Then when I am proud of being Muslim, I will easily projected to my children want to make the masjid part of your daily life is not an Eid. Honestly, or you know, Sunday school one or two hours is not enough because there is a lot out there. I need that child to grow up to be a proud Muslim. Yes, he or she has to be a proud Muslim, so they can stand up. And then I need to explain to the children what do we believe in as Muslims where it is there are guidelines for us as Muslims in a gentle and nice way. Most importantly, we need to teach children and actually us when we disagree, because Islam disagree with what things are happening outside. We should never look down at people. We

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should never say we are better. You're gonna go to jahannam. Our doula Yes, I have no idea. I don't own Jana. I own own gym. I don't know how I will die. I don't know how they will die. Because it's not about how you live. It is how you die. Yes. So I disagree with them. But I still respect them. I mean, how many of us have non Muslim neighbors Kaffir they don't believe in Allah. But they still my neighbor. They sort of stumped tells me I have to treat them well. So I treat people well without compromising my Deen

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But I need to know my ID again back to the education. That's what we are missing as, as Muslims in general, real education about our D.

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as older siblings, I think that's really, really important for the two of us. Yeah, absolutely. Because your younger siblings, copy and paste I call it No 100 is absolutely 100% Copy and Paste, first child copy paste parents, and then till they get an age where they copy paste difference. But up till that age, this is your golden opportunity.

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It's a big responsibility, but also a lot of reward. Kulu tech leaf in Cullotta, Sharif in tech leaf Wakulla. Tech leaf industry, that's what they teach you in every responsibilities and honor. And every owner is a responsibility.

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So as mothers as women in our careers as people that are married, how do we grasp or grapple with all of our responsibilities while also prioritizing Allah's Metalla? Most of all, I think we started with that question, you'll end up with this question. If you're a servant of Allah, you're taking care of your children because Allah told you not because they are my children, you're near the most important thing is your intention. I always ask my patients sometimes they laugh, and they comment says, you know, it's been a year I don't have children. I said, Why do you want to have children? They look at me. I said, of course. And I know it's of course. So why do you want to have a child

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because you need to revisit your near it's not of course, why you want to have a child right? And you can put many years you know, hadith of Roswaal they saw it was run he he said marry the woman who is the nice, the loving and the one who can deliver children because I will be boasting about you on the Day of Judgment, the numbers that's one of them. I can put more but make sure you're near is for Allah's pantile That's number one. And number two, which Nia he wants at this moment.

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So if I am delivering a baby right what does he say? It well there's things I'm not supposed to do because now the priority is delivering the baby so your priorities How do I know my my work is accepted is online is pleased with me? Who knows? So your neighbor or him was building the cab was saying this made and what more pleasing action what did he make dua? Roberta cobalamin nine acanthus similarly what to Ballina in a candidate that's why every time you do anything, ask Allah for forgiveness because I may not have done it the best way that's why we say Stafford Allah after sada

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ask Allah for Cabul acceptance and ask Allah to aid pure for his sake. I need to ask these with the belief back again, names of Allah and your Arcada it's Allah Listen, Allah respond and Allah generous. You give him one he gives you 10 Sometimes 1000s I think we just need to allow I say to myself, calm down, right? Calm down. No, you're a human being. You're not a ROB. No, you're a human being limited the ability a lot of potentials. Right? So we need to keep ourselves going but keep all the time in this path attached to him. Focus on him, asking him wanting from him asking acceptance from him and forgiveness from him. The more you for you focus on loss pantalla Allah

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Allah Allah Allah Who everything fall in place. Even if it doesn't fall in place, your feelings and response will fall in place. I said Oh, okay at that Allah Masha. Allah decreed annual Allah decree will happen. Normally, you will throw a fit about it. Normally, we get so upset and people look like How come what happened? You changed? Yeah, because this changed.

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May Allah make as those people your Ambien and mean? I mean, so in saying that can women have it all?

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Depends what is all everything? You know, what is all? Yes? Yeah. Can the woman have it all in gender? The answer is yes. It is not my answer. That's Allah subhanaw taala and men, both. But what did they do for it? Here as the breadwinner Saraswati Assad was? And he said he also Lama Tessa, when is the hour? What did he say?

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What did you prepare for it? Right. So if I want after everything, what did I prepare for? If I want the dunya to be my form, which is to bring me to the all in Africa, then I need to focus on law and have it all according to the old defined by him, not the old defined by me. That's the most important thing, right? And then when I when I say I, the last words I want to say to everybody but suppose

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Surely for a woman, ask Allah Spandana in the morning and evening, are you happy with

01:00:05--> 01:00:06

that?

01:00:07--> 01:00:10

Because you always want people to say this to us.

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hamdulillah if people say it, it's good, you feel good, but the most important one is Allah happy with us. And may Allah make us or are the Allahu Anhu modeled one that He is pleased with us and we are pleased with him.

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So Zack Allah, that's a beautiful way to end Hamdulillah we are so grateful to have you here and I was so engrossed in the conversation Subhan Allah so

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from all of us and make it beautiful his sake and Allah use you as one dua I always say to myself and everyone asked Allah mama Stop Me Now let us deny Allah users and don't replace us and he'll use you the way of all if you want

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and with that, inshallah that is a wrap, Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh