Spiritual Grounding Finding Calm During Stressful Times of the Year

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Haifaa Younis

Channel: Haifaa Younis

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Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah while early he was off to be here, woman Hala dama alumna myinfo now one final vema alumina in NACA Cemil Mooji withdraw more money how to become an MLA amphawa albula Sha one FC Latisha What do I use my Robin Allah to sue benna bad in her data now habla nampula don't cut off my inner internal hub from the Shockley solder us silly Emily wash La La Plata melissani of all poly. Welcome to our Tuesday program, jack malarkey for joining us at humbler brand I mean, it's give me a great pleasure today to actually have a guest joining us from Oh Bismillah joining us from Berlin I guess we are

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playing games I add you remove and vice versa. And it's a system that you are what we actually had heard last year I think, same time almost close to time off in the summer. So she's actually joining us from Maryland. She's a mother of four Mashallah terroir, Colombia, Allah bless her and her family. She's also a therapist, her may in private practice, she has her own private practice. And she serves mainly the sisters in that area in Maryland, focusing on anxiety, depression, post traumatic syndrome, unfortunately, we're seeing this more and more and more these days. So we want to cover a lot of anxiety our Muslim community is going through these days and actually everybody

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would specify and the Muslim community also we are worried about the COVID we are worried about the Delta we're worried about going back to school, should we wear a mask could we get our children back on site online, wear the mask don't wear the mask and plus all what's happening and now you can see what's happening and advanced on other parts of the world. So there is a lot of things people are worried about, and rightfully are stressed about so we would love for

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our guest Nigel Welcome again lovely to have you with us and we would love for you to share with us and shed light on this issue. And I will leave it to to Vietnam and I will try to share the slides that you prepared for us inshallah. Exactly, there thank you so much for having me, it's wonderful to be back and I'm a big fan of Jenna Institute. I've I've taken a couple classes with them before and and my mom is as well.

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So inshallah, today we're going to be talking about this really stressful time of year. And as panel, I had a PowerPoint presentation planned, we're going to try share it. But if not, I'm going to be looking to my screen to read off that and hopefully, everything will come across clear to you. So please have patience with that. So in talking about the stressful time of year,

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it's kind of you know, when we think of the new year, generally we think of January 1, right? That's when people talk about the new year, new year's goals, or even this time a new year. But the reality is, for a lot of us, especially women, especially mothers, the beginning of the school year is really the end of August, early September when it's back to school.

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And this is something that's ingrained for a lot of us who grew up here in the United States, and where we're used to the beginning of the year happening now. But now as we prepare our children going back, it can be incredibly stressful. And, you know, in light of what's going on with COVID with the Delta variant and

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there are much more stressors than there was before in sending our kids back to school. Even if you don't have kids, and you're not sending them back to school, just things opening up, you know, it's kind of we have one foot in the door and, and the other not like things are opening up in general around the country. But, you know, some of us have to wear masks at least, at least in Maryland, we have to wear masks, and there's still you know, a lot of concerns about children getting sick, and, you know, certain states, their hospitals are filling up. So it's a very stressful

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time of year.

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And on top of that, you know, I see primarily women in my private practice. So I provide counseling for,

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you know, for teens, and but mostly women. And during this time of year, you know, the summer tends to be very fun, people are going on vacation, the weather's beautiful, but you know, there's something called seasonal affective disorder. And this starts to happen early fall

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and into the into the winter. And, you know, usually I because I some of the clients that I have, I've seen them year after year and people know if they have a predisposition towards seasonal affective disorder. And so when you combine all these things that people who have this kind of like the winter blues during the fall, they they feel more sad, they feel more lethargic, it's harder to get things done, they lose interest, stress and there's many reasons why they

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The days are shorter it's colder so we don't go outside as much.

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And something important to notice you know, I think it's one out of 20 people Seasonal Affective just

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four out of five D

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you're connected connection Nigeria is with your choppy.

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I think we lost her.

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Oh, no. Yeah. Now say now we can say anything good. Okay. Okay, so I was saying with seasonal affective disorder affects about one out of 20 people, but four out of five of those people 16 out of those 20 are women.

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They're women. So as women we are for whatever reason. It's it affects, you know, a good amount of us. So why am I saying all of this because I want to set a context. I feel like as we've gotten outside as we're starting to move along with a pandemic, as scary as it still is, I think we have adjusted like, this is some kind of new normal, and it's not, we are not the same people that we were two years ago, when school opened up, our kids are not the same, the world is not the same. And I feel like we have to put it into context. And as we go into the next month or two, we are going to need a lot of self compassion, a lot of patience. It's not going to be like things are back to

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normal. Excuse my open they might close again, people might get sick

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and so I want to put into perspective that it's not business as usual. And so in order to protect ourselves and be proactive instead of reactive we need to have this mindset inshallah God forbid Allah forbid nothing bad will happen but to be prepared just the way we prepare our children you know we have these checklists virtual we may have to make sure they have their backpack we have to make sure we have their school supplies and their clothes and we have a talk with them have a good school year all of that but as women as mothers we need to do that for ourselves too. You know, especially because our family relies rely so much on us and if we're not in the right state of mind,

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then you know unfortunately a lot of times the family follows suit so just the way that we want to prepare our kids we also want to

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prepare ourselves and so how do we how do we do this

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you know, anytime I talk about you know protecting our mental health we really have to look at three components you know, you have to look at your body you have to you have to look at your mind and then we have to look at the the soul You know, the heart essentially in Islam, you know, the the heart plays such an important role.

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And so we have to look at all three of these things in making sure that we're helping as as we need to, even if it sounds very basic. So you know, as you are starting to probably even take back your kids bed, bedtime, you know, is it something that you're doing for yourself? Are you getting enough sleep, you know, when you are not getting enough sleep, it affects your body, it affects how you feel throughout the day, it also affects your worship, too. If you are not in a good place mentally, it's very hard for your spiritual health to be at its best as well through so even making it you know, bad when we rest, you know, resting purposefully and mindfully making the intention you all

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give me the strength so I can do my best I can do my best for my for my family. So checking in with you don't just make sure that your kids are now starting to go back to bed at a normal time but also with yourself as well. I'm also doing you know, looking at your eating habits, your caffeine. A lot of times when people come to me with anxiety, I like to do something called like a panic profile, right? Everybody wants to Oh, give me give me tools to fix it. But if you don't have the basics in order, you're not going to you know it's it's like putting a bandaid so you have to go back to the basics. If you are drinking 234 cups of coffee a day.

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It's gonna cause heart palpitations, it's going to cause jitteriness, it's going to cause nervousness. So paying attention to your diet. I will admit I'm not the best person with that either. But I know I'm in tune with myself that when I start to feel a certain kind of way I go back did I drink water today that I eat a nutritious? Did I eat nutritious meals? And so that helps me get back on on track instead of fixating Oh, I'm so anxious, I'm so anxious. hamdulillah we have things in our disposal that we could do to help mitigate those those effects.

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Now, unfortunately, I can't share the slide so you may have to read it. mallesons Okay, thank you.

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exercise and getting enough sunlight with COVID we've been locked indoors. You know, we're getting out a little bit more but it's still an issue. We're indoors. A lot

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And so you know, when we go outside, we get the sunlight, we get the vitamin D, there's something very therapeutic about being in nature.

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It's part of life. And if you want to take it even a step further when you go out and you're in the right mindset, even just appreciating the beauty that Allah Subhana Allah has created all around us that even can become another act of worship not are you just going out to walk in fear for your health, but if you go and you're practicing, you're saying that are you just practicing reflecting on the on the beauty that Allah has? Now even taking it a step, a step further.

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So those are things that we you know, we need to be aware of weather with our body. So

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if I want to ask you something, how do I know I have it? How do I know I'm stressed out? Sometimes I see this in my office, you know, I was like, I tell the patient, you're stressed out? And she looked at me said, No, no, it's the usual.

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That's a good point. Well, you know, a very good sign is, you know, everybody has a baseline, are you are you, you know, not at your baseline. So some people tend to be more melancholy some people tend to be more energetic. But a good sign is are you your usual self?

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Are you eating the same? A lot of times the things I've questioned if you're too much or too little? Are you sleeping the same? is a good indicator of anxiety, they're not getting enough sleep, you know, because they're up thinking I can't I don't know what to do about this. I don't know what to do about that. agitation is a big one that we overlook, are you snapping at your husband? Are you are you snapping at the kids, you know, isolating You know, you're not spending as much time with your friends you don't feel like going out as much

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those are good signs. Now the issue with us women if we keep going going going that becomes our new norm, right? And so those people you know, it's it's a little bit a little bit harder.

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But going back and you know, are you satisfied? Are you satisfied with how things are right now if you look at your your mental health, your spiritual health, you know that those different aspects most people if you get them to sit and think they'll be like, you know what? No,

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I'm so busy. I'm so stressed. I'm missing my Salah. I'm so sad, you know, I just I don't want to do I don't want to interact with with you. So it takes a little bit of time. But yes, we're conditioned socially. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good, right? That's like what we're conditioned to do. But one of my goals in this presentation was people just to take a few seconds and be able to reflect on themselves. How are they doing? Another thing I like to say is like a personal barometer, everybody has a barometer from zero to 1010 being the most stress. And it's good to check in with yourself every once in a while, how is your stress? You know, are you five out of five, six every

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single day

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you know, are used so it's checking in with yourself is a is an important thing.

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Yeah,

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get your presentation. Unfortunately, we can't.

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So the next after that is your mind. You know, the mind is a very important, important thing. And so now we're prepping for kids to go back so they can have a very good academic school year. But what about ourselves? Are we in the right mindset? Do we feel organized? You know, most women in most moms, we tend to do a lot of the organizing handleless some husbands are more helpful than others. But you know, in terms of planning for for certain things, are you making lists or do you feel like you wake up and you're just kind of tackling on whatever comes your way that's a recipe for stress, it's very likely you're going to be stressed if you're not being proactive. My favorite thing is I

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like to make a list the night before and the morning or the morning before these are the things inshallah that I hope to get today.

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And if I don't get to them today, you know I move them down the list tomorrow so at least I feel like not everything is up here I have it on on paper. So a mental organization is is a huge is a huge thing for me. And also when you organize you can start to delegate to you know, I have 10 things on my list, there's no way let me ask my husband if he can do this. Let me ask my older kid if they can take time and do out too In order to do this. So being able to get it off your mind and on paper or on an app I do it on an app is a very good way to to manage your stress.

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And you know also in you and you having goals for your kids, you want to have goals for your for yourself to write. What do I want to get out of the school year are there halaqaat that I want to be a part of? Are there certain activities recreational

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activities, people memorizing the court and are there certain goals that they have for that,

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you know, sometimes we lose sight of ourselves

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in motherhood. And you know, there's this whole idea of like, oh, you're you know, you're selfish if you think of yourself. But it's that whole analogy like with the airplane, you know, if,

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if the if the something bad happens in the air thing comes down, you have to put on yourself in order to help somebody else.

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And

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so so there's absolutely nothing selfish about making sure that you're taking care of taking care of yourself. In order to have goals, I'm writing these notes, because that will help me also when people ask me so definitely, I'll tell you what, definitely being organized, it's an Islamic it's it's not only medical, or professional, it's actually it's absolutely an Islamic concept. Look at the solid on time, look at the core test times, right? Look at the sort of the salaat one is for one is to it's all on time. The best time is, for example, as a result, the best time for us Muslims is usually in the morning after fudger. So being organized goals is absolutely the goals of the Muslim

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is Allah Farah, but then living dunya to get to the Hara. So having goals, Major, but having daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals. And I loved what you said, which is so true. I see it a lot with women, that they have so much goals for the children, but there's not many for themselves. Which is so sad. Yeah. And it's part of motherhood giving, giving.

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Right. But I think this is really nice. So take care of your mind, take care of your goals being organized. Okay. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And, you know, this is actually a pretty good segue into, you know, the spiritual part of taking care of ourselves too. I think I had mentioned this analogy, the last time I was on, but you know, it's something I like to share often is that, you know, we have this locus of control, meaning we there are certain things that we give undivided attention to. And, you know, sometimes it can be our children, and you give everything to your children. Sometimes it could be you know, for the younger crowd, it could be school, putting so much effort into school,

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making sure that you're getting good grades, you want to go to pre med, you know, medical school, whatever.

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But the fact of the matter is the, for the Muslim, the locus of control is a relationship with Allah.

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That is the only one that you can give, give, give and not loose Allah when when you give to your children unconditionally, and you have nothing for yourself when they leave,

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you know, if you did a good you know, you did good by them. But then what do you have, you have people who sit there that they don't know who they are, they haven't done anything for themselves, I feel like I, you know, I haven't left home to them, my kids are legacy, but I don't have a legacy for myself. And they feel empty. Same with school, or even like some kind of identity, you know, if you're an athlete and you get injured, that's it, if you gave everything into the sports, and that's your identity, your identity is going to crash. Same with school, safer, you know, for whatever reason, it doesn't work out the way you want. Same would work saying work, right? So definitely, def

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I love this, I will add this number five, since we don't have the slides, unfortunately, please, we'll get these points, which I really love this and this is absolutely our Islamic concept is your focus. And your goal is to work on your relationship with Allah through what he gave you. So if you are a mother of four or five, in focus is to please Allah through that, to please your Take care of yourself so you can worship Allah, so focus on your relationship with Allah hamdulillah beautiful. Yeah, analogy that I like to give is, if this is you, you know, and, you know, Allah is above you. And the other things that are important, it's not like they don't exist, but they go around you,

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this is the fixed one, everything else, you know, goes around that that relationship like you like you said. And so, you know, going back to the whole concept that we are here to worship Allah, you know, that is our primary focus on the Day of Judgment we go back alone. So knowing that the other things are important of course, we have a mandate that we have to you know, fulfill, but that is the relationship with Allah is the is the first and when we organize because going back to organization,

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in terms of spiritual grounding, if you organize your spirituality, other things will fall in place. So now what do we have we have picking, dropping off our kids picking up our kids, we have sports, we have pets to help with homework, we have this you know, all the things that we have to do. So law should not be an afterthought. We need to schedule things around the salon. It shouldn't be like I have to do this. This this

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And then I'll try find time to pray. You know and this is kind of organization looking at your day How can I make sure that I'm fulfilling the obligations that to Allah first and foremost, so that I am doing you know what I need to do and the things come come after. And in our planning, you know, even goals for ourselves, yeah, we can, we can have recreational activities, we can have goals, you know, with our peers, but we also have to have, you know, spiritual goals for ourselves too. And that's kind of alluding to what you were saying, each person is different and each person can connect to a line in different ways through whatever they were given.

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So not just planning you know, you know, just the logistical things of our day, but also making sure that we have the spiritual time that we need, so we feel fulfilled.

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Is is important and that includes, you know, making time for a long you know, doing doing Vicar.

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not waiting until something bad happens for us to do these things. If they're part of our routine. It acts as the protection you know, it acts as a protection when things start to go wrong. When your relationship is strong with a lot and makes those things it makes them easier to thought comes to my mind as you're, as you're saying what is the verse in the Quran was pantalla said that similar to that yet for furuya law around to Allah and I always whenever you are and I've seen this about myself and I'm sure you do the same thing whenever we are really overwhelmed. And this comes some people it's like daily if not more than once a day when you're overwhelmed. Remember this you know

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we are on to the coffee, we are on to text message we are on to social media. You know the social media is a numbing, I call it like like an injunction. I will remind everybody for federal law or on to him whether you're in an extra two Salah or the obligatory Salah or if it's the time of the month, you can just sit down in your place and just talk to him. If you don't know any of the do I just talked to him your law make it easy. So this came to my mind as you're saying the other one, you said you take care of Allah when you have time he will take care of you sexually Haji Saraswati, salatu salam, Tara, your life or a hyoni fuckup you should know Allah time during time of ease,

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Allah who know you during time of difficulty, so when I am not stressed out, it's the weekend there is nothing kids went with their father, or I have nothing to do, then that's the time that's prosperity as prosperous time, that's when I am going to be spending more time with Allah. So when I am so stressed out and have so many things on the list, Allah will make me remember the Salah, and he will make me feel the dekor is important, and he will make me feel better. This is a very important concept. I'm so glad you mentioned it. Yeah. Um, and you know, when we think of grounding, you know, spiritual grounding, we think of something that is, like an anchor, during times of

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stress. And so establishing these foundations, you know, like he said, during the times of ease, it makes it so much easier to be able to cope with things also with perspective, when you think about it, right? When we get caught up with the dunya it's very easy to be pulled this way pull this way. And inevitably things go wrong, right? I put time into this it didn't work out or this person said this or that happened, you know, but when we see the bigger picture that you know if I if I do what I need to do by Allah and I fulfill my magnet that's all I need. Because even with social media, right? Like we have to everybody has their beautiful things right? They have their beautiful family

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they have their houses they have this and it's almost like a losing battle because nobody really even has 100% of all that right it's it's it's a facade.

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But, you know,

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when when, when when you're very stressed out and you're like, I don't have this, I don't have that I don't have that. If you come from the opposite perspective of Allah put me here to worship Him, I'm doing everything I need to do. It gives you a sense of fulfillment, even when other aspects of your life are not going I know for me, I can look back to college. And I remember during times like that, like you know, when I had finals, and it just like Wow, I didn't study I didn't do this. I didn't do that. But I prayed, I prayed and that would make me feel better. Because I know I did that I did the bare minimum. And so you know, Allah would would help me and he did so panela. So you

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know, having that anchor, having that spiritual grounding can be a very, very powerful thing. It's not can is it? Exactly, exactly. I know what you meant. But I wanted to make sure I can I would not have said it's more beautiful than natural. Absolutely, absolutely. If you are grounded, those of you who plant and I love planting I was just planting this morning. You know when we plant when we especially if you are

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transferring a plant I see a plant behind you to transfer a plant from a port to another port. It's so important to what grounded and cover it and anchored. That's how our relationship with Allah Yanni People always ask and I'm going to ask you this and I want you to answer because this always comes this question I'm sure you heard that many times. So if I am stressed out and I have anxiety and I have depression is my email is weak.

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Yeah, that is a very common question. And you know, through the Athene Institute we actually we have a trauma series you know, that talks about trauma and how it relates to spirituality and that's one of the chapters I forget, I think might be chapter four. But no, not no it's not a sign that you know that you have week amen certainly there's overlap between you know, our spirituality and psychology. But even the even the believer can feel sad, we know the promise and send them you know, especially after his beloved wife Khadija had passed away he felt sad

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You know, Prophet Jaco when he thought well he didn't know what happened to us if I understood him. He was great he it mean he cried so much that he went blind you know? And so it shows that it no just because that you might be struggling with with sadness or anxiety It doesn't mean that you have weak men at all. Exactly. This is extremely important. I always tell people However, having said that, one of the treatment and you correct me if I'm wrong, and I always remind my patients like you're taking the medication like you're doing the like the counseling with najwa Don't forget number one counseling will last pantile and I agree, exactly so it's part of the treatment. I mean,

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we are not yet at that level most of us when we don't need any medication and we are so connected to Allah and Allah will cure us maybe one day we'll get there but most of us if not all of us, we will need both like every time you have a headache and you put the Tylenol in your mouth Don't you think the Tylenol is the cure? Allah who put the cure through the Tylenol So the same thing if I go to Nigeria and I'm so stressed out I am I know she will take care of me but I number one I was lucky Allah make what Nigeria is saying or doing beneficial so they come together? Yes, but he man It's a feeling sad or feeling feeling depressed or feeling afraid. The prophets did say you know Musa was

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repeatedly mentioned the Quran, Rama pasa ha ha ha Tara Kabbalah said this all sorts of causes he woke up in the morning and he was anxious and he was afraid say no Moosa because you want to throw a tough time so yes it is Muslims go through it but we don't forget that the cure number one in our last hand the anchor, Danny the anchor is extremely important go ahead I'm enjoying it way more than anybody else yeah Nigel

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yeah no so Panama Yeah, you're absolutely right all of the you know the treatment comes ultimately from from Allah and they everything all that goes hand in hand so having that spiritual mindset is very important. So going along with that spiritual mindset like you You mentioned that is a very important especially now with COVID so you know, as human beings we like to have things in control and and you know, people ask me this too well you know, do I just not have control over anything Allah is in control of everything Allah is in control of everything but he also gave us the ability to you know have

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to be able to to manage our environment and take care of ourselves too.

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And so you know, it's important to to control the things that are within your control which is what we talked about organizing you know, planning and whatnot but then when we get to you know, some bigger things like COVID we don't have control like we can take the vaccine we can wear a mask but that control house we have to give it to Allah and there's there's freedom in that and that Allah you are in your head when he was um you have control over this please you know protect us and and help us you know, in the best of ways and so when we utilize that it takes it to a higher level even you know, with environmental things with our children we don't have control virtual and we try our

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best to you know, to discipline to man, do we have control in though Do we have control over you know, environmental things that happen to us due to things that happen overseas, you know, we don't and so going back and remembering Yes, I'm going to organize I'm going to plan I'm going to do all those things I need to but never ever forget don't make dot for ease. Even I love you know, when you bought a prophet Musa sometimes I don't even know what I want. So you know, Allah, just whatever good you can bestow on me, you know, just whatever. I forget what the DA is.

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I'm in need of whatever good you will bestow. I'm caring for

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Aloha My name is Sal confira kulu i Allah I asked you for all goodness I don't know what is good you know something I like and how many of us I'm sure all our viewers agree on this How many times do we really wanted something and then when this something comes in and we found out I was like you know what? That was not the best thing I've ever had and the opposite is true I didn't get it I was so sad and then I found Alhamdulillah I didn't exactly exactly so da da da I say that you mentioned say they are who when he was crying and crying and his children says you're gonna die from from sorrow and he said in a match Colbert's to Hosni Allah I talked to Allah I'm complaining to Allah meaning I

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have this relationship private with Allah type talk to him now I tell him I'm sad. I am in pain and then the other day which I'm sure I'm sure you have it in your office allama now to become that Honeywell has a well as you want to set it right after every every shadow Do you know it's important and then you know it becomes it just takes five seconds but it really is, you know, it helps a lot. It helps a lot. Da da it's your connection and it is the rope that you mentioned. And this is the anchor kundala what else you have for us I have and this is something you taught me it's still fun yes fun that I end Oh my people ask forgiveness of your Lord and then repent to him. He will send

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rain from the sky upon you and showers and increase you in strength added to your strength that if you make it so far it gives you strength yes

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yes this is good right we call me stuck through rumba calm and I think it's a node was saying to his people ask Allah for forgiveness your city sama la comida rah rah considerado He will send the rain in abundance where is it come Overton Illa overtaken and he will make you even stronger and it's very nice way because it when when I feel sad I feel weak. Am I right? It's a weakness. It's a weakness I feel I have no control even are now controlling my emotions. And then I feel weak and I need a lot to make me stronger. Absolutely. Step Four. It's the medicine that a lot of us forgetting.

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Yeah either hotlanta shahana Can you come to me now volley me aside now Jonas said it. And I saw this Auto Salon taught us the meaning of no human being use this. This phrase later hotlanta subhanak any consumer balling me before he is asking Allah or she asking Allah something but Allah will give them and I have tried it I can't tell you how many times last one of them because I remember the word of Allah Swati salto Sarah I saw the call me is a truthful and I was like this is it I'm gonna say number one I feel better.

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Absolutely I feel by so far. Yes. hamdulillah beautiful.

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So it's the part you know and another thing that I feel is helpful and something I tried to do myself It goes back you know to the Hadeeth where you know the the process that I'm was with his daughter and she was having a hard time I think what was it? It was just like daily chores You know, it was it was a lot and he told her to you know, do soprano Allah Alhamdulillah Allah Akbar

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and I don't know if it's specific to the to the evening, but I know that panel on when I do in the evening, before I go to bed, it helps me the next day.

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And you know, so utilizing these you know, prophetic things and surely they can give straight just like this the car just like making that.

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Knowing that when when we when we do these things, Allah blesses us and you know, that's something that I can testify to as well. I don't know if people have tried it, but it doesn't, you know,

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I loved it on another point prophetic again, we apologize to our viewers could not share the slides. I'm sure it's beautiful.

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Yeah, go ahead. If you can make it go ahead. Narrated Allie. Fatima complained of the suffering caused to her by the hand mill. Some captives were brought to the Prophet so some she came to him but did not find him at home. I wish I was present there to whom she told us her desire for a servant when the prophet SAW them came ash and formed him about Fatah must visit. And he added so the Prophet came to us while we had gone to our bed, I wanted to get up with the Prophet said, remain in your place. Then he sat down between us till I found the coolest of his feet on my chest. Then he said, shall I teach you a thing which is better than what you have asked me. When you go to

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bed say Allahu Akbar 34 times and Subhanallah 33 times and hamdulillah 33 times for that is better for you both than a servant. Absolutely, she complained to him his summary of this hadith and this tells you even though

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Sahabi can get tired from housework. And this is the daughter of Frodo, Swati sought to serve her hands became like very dry. So she came to him asking for help because he had some help some people came to him and she said Can I have one of them to help me in the house and he gave her the recipe Subhan Allah Al Hamdulillah Allah Allahu Akbar 3333 33 before you go to bed, the crew law and this is back to your first point your energy, which is the anchor relationship with Allah and the best anchor of relationship with Allah is the crow law and I'll be the karela he taught my inner club Allah by Allah said this in Surat Ibrahim, by the remembrance of Allah amsonia sorta right before by

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the remembrance of Allah hearts get serenity and it's exactly opposite anxiety how Allah does actually know he's beautiful so prophetic practice this is I think number eight I have Yes.

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Very good.

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Do we have time for me to talk about just general coping skills I know we're pressed on time okay to need for your Maharaj I think another 10 minutes we'll do it okay.

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So, so, those are all spiritual things and we talked about like you know, the connection between spiritual and the psychological aspects. So you know, going back to your barometer when you are feeling stressed Of course, you utilizing all these spiritual, you know, tools is very important. Also, like, you know, paying attention to your psyche. So some of us are more predisposed to sadness, and some of us more so towards anxiety So, kind of knowing where you stand for the people who tend to be more sad more depressed, with their coping with their self care, you want to have uplifting, right, because what is depression do it makes you want to stay in bed, it makes you want

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to isolate, it makes you want to, you know, not do anything. So you want to look for activities, you it might not feel natural at first you want to go out and, you know, meet with friends go to the method, you want to go out and get exercise, you want to keep your body moving. For the people who tend to be anxious, they're kind of appear, right? Like they're always there on the go. So you want more calming coping skills, you want things and so that could be like, you know, drinking tea, working on deep, deep breathing, you know, journaling, so calming. Now, that's not to say that both groups can't share, you know, and you can't take them, but you want to pay attention to how you are

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and being able to okay, right, I'm feeling very low, let me try out, you know, uplift myself, I'm feeling very high, let me you know, bring myself bring myself down.

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And, you know, to talk about breathing, it's something very, so, so bit basic,

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you know, and it ties in the body, we can also tie spirituality into it as well. during times of stress, our breathing becomes rapid is a normal response, right? When there is danger, of course, you're not going to sit there and be relaxed, your body is created that way, there's your sense danger. So you, your breathing becomes more rapid, it sends signals to your brain, you have to do something, do something, something is not right. But you know, with this ongoing

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stress, especially with COVID, you know, as a parent, I was I was going to going back to my trauma research. And you know, when we think of trauma, we think of all like the big t traumas war, you know, the death of somebody,

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you know, but most people in their lives, I think it's like 67 66% have had many small traumas. And when you have many small traumas, it leads to complex trauma, it adds up over time. And suppiler when we think I was like, I didn't even make the connection. How many traumas have we gone through in this past year and a half, absolutely. Loved ones who have died. It's, you know, even one of the small t traumas was non threatening life injury, we've had life threatening, you know, injuries all around, or, like some

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virus that is threatening to our, to our lives. Some people are not seeing your loved ones is a trauma.

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It can be depending on the circumstance. Yeah, I'm able to see my family, because I couldn't travel for a year and a half. I couldn't see my grandchildren. I couldn't see my this is like the social isolation that we were forced to.

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Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when you think about it, like, you know, so we've had death, we've had fear for our lives, people, a lot of people had financial insecurity, you know, they had a business and their business shut down.

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A lot. You know, there's been a lot of family conflict. It's not natural for everybody to be, you know, and some some sisters, you know, we know that there's domestic violence and families there's, you know, so we don't have the data yet.

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We're still in the pandemic, we're not going to know for several years, how traumatic or what kind of trauma this this is. But the I guess the point that I'm getting at is,

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you know, so when we, we've had a lot of traumatic things and so we have to pay attention to our body, but going back to our breathing, everything so when we are very stressful, there's back to school or pandemic or whatnot. Pay attention to your breathing. When you regulate your breathing, it sends messages back to your brain to calm to calm down.

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It's so it's just the way when you see something and you're scared, your brain goes to Oh, danger danger. If you go back and use you regulate your breathing, it brings your system back down to just like a deep, deep breath. device. So you know, there's many different ways online, my preference, the easiest way is for every seconds, you inhale, double the exhale. Okay. So when you breathe in, say for two, you pause, and then you exhale for four. Okay? And you can do this when you're stressed when you know you're out you're late to pick up your kids or something bad happens or you're watching the news, don't watch too much news because we know how bad that can be right? But you

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know, pay attention to your body and then pay attention to your breathing and if you want to take it a step further you can always add vigor to it you know, deep breathing allows my protector Allah will keep me safe or just thicker like having a lock. So

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you know, paying attention to your reading is a very useful tool. And I see we're out of time so

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I tell you what, we definitely need part two of this because this is really important for everybody. And I can see there's a lot of comments on the screen but I know you have to make it for your job. And we were just talking about connections to our lunch.

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So if you want to summarize two minutes, what do you want to tell our audience to summarize, I would say in preparing your kids back to school in a stressful time Do not forget yourself they are important you are also very important this fall is not going to be like other years so don't assume it's back to usual be be flexible as much as you can have self compassion Be merciful on yourself and those around you. Be patience, self care is going to be no is going to be important. And with your planning with all your planning and organizing, always put a love first plan all the other stuff but make sure that you're spiritually grounded you have that the spiritual components first

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and then you plan the other stuff around it and sha Allah everything else will fall into place to zacky love hi I really enjoyed your time flew but again for our viewers we're gonna end up early because otherwise it's just a natural miss her and we cannot do that because

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we cannot done everything we are talking is just to talk.

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So I can promise everybody and I'm sure she will say yes we'll bring her back soon

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to this

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because this is an introduction and we will work on the slides we'll see how we will figure out how to do it inshallah does Akela hireology

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protect you May Allah protect everybody, yet alumina now to become their HMI one has I want to add you well Cassidy Allah We seek refuge from feeling sad from feeling lazy from feeling unmotivated. Europe Yami Subhana Colombo behind Akasha Julia and I stopped Furukawa to Budi Southern la alesina Mohammed Ali. He was hobbiton day