Haifaa Younis – Domestic Abuse Program #01 Remedies from Quran and Sunnah
AI: Summary ©
The discussion delves into the issue of domestic abuse, which can occur in various forms, including children, parents, and the elderly. Domestic abuse is a problem that is common in various countries, and is used to establish power and control over others. Domestic abuse can affect many individuals, including children, parents, and the elderly, and is a shame and stigma for those who do not seek help. statistics are not one-to-one, but a group of people is affected. Domestic abuse is a problem that needs to be addressed by parents and that needs to be addressed by immigrants.AI: Transcript ©
My beautiful friends in South Africa.
I don't know what time is it. I
know it's probably the afternoon or in the
night. It's a beautiful place, has a lot
of beautiful memories,
in me, and may Allah reward the organizers.
May Allah make the Woman's Day
successful. May Allah
prevail justice in this world and everywhere and
on his earth, in the communities, in the
homes, and may Allah
reward us for all the patience we are
showing in every step in our life, and
may Allah
remove the tests that all humanity is going
through, Muslims and non Muslims, and everywhere, in
all parts of the world.
The topic we are gonna be discussing today
is a very sensitive topic,
and it's sensitive,
it's reality,
and it's taboo,
which means
it's very uncomfortable for people to talk about
it.
It's common,
but still we don't wanna bring it to
reality. We want to live as if it's
non existing.
We try to find justification
for it
from both sides and families in general.
Sometimes may Allah forgive us, we blame it
on our religion,
and the result is there is, I will
use the word victims, there is many victims
in here. It's not only the woman, in
fact, and I'll show you statistics very soon,
is actually the whole family,
specifically the children.
And basically, the topic I'm gonna be covering
today and may Allah
make me
say what pleases Him,
number 1 and foremost and most important is
the domestic abuse,
and I'm going to focus on the Muslim
families
and as
a problem
in Muslim families in general. The statistics I
have is from the United States,
so you can imagine,
I think it will give you a good
idea. It could be more in certain places,
it could be maybe less in other places,
but it can give you an idea that
this is something
is not,
least to say is not uncommon,
It is something definitely common.
Now,
and in my research, and I'm going to
give you
the resources
at the end, there is
actually,
I
don't know if it's an institute, but it's
definitely,
it's a project
and the the place it's,
it's called, and I wanna give you the
right name exactly, and that's where I got
my
statistics
from it, and I left it at the
end
here. It's actually
started, it's a project,
it's called
something like happy family project. I will give
it to you at the end, and it's
actually was started by a woman,
and this is started way early, way, way,
way early. She actually passed away, may Allah
give her a dose,
2,004,
she lived in Virginia. Peacefulfamilial.org.
This is her organization and she got a
reward from ICNA, from ISNA,
and she actually also led
the delegate for the Muslim woman
in the Muslim in the woman world
forum that's I think it was in 2,001
or 2. So you will find a lot
of statistics. So this is an organization
that has focused on that part and started
from the late eighties. It is focused or
it has focused
on the topic of abuse in the Muslim
families in the United States.
So number 1, what is the word abuse?
When we start and then there is a
domestic and there is abuse. So domestic basically
it's in a home, it's something
not outside, it's not international, something very close
to me, right? So something usually it is
referred to something if I am using as
a nation, I would say domestic meaning in
the United States, but if I'm focusing or
I'm referring to my home, it is related
to my home. So domestic
is something happening inside my house. Now the
word abuse is what? Is you use a
right.
You abuse so abuse is basically a use
and abuse. Use, I'm using something I have
in general
for something beneficial. So I use the pen,
for example, to write.
I use, for example, the watch to see
the time. Then I'm using that thing for
the right thing Allah created.
Is when I use something Allah created
other than what He created it for. So
I use for example, the pen to write,
but
writing something hurtful, then I'm abusing the pen
or abusing my ability
to write.
So abuse, domestic abuse is abusing
using another word you can say, is using
a right
or an ability
or a power that Allah Subhana Wa Ta'la
gave it to someone, and I don't want
you to think only of women being abused
because it's both,
However, it's much more in when the woman
so there is a right,
a power,
ability.
Allah gave it to someone
and that ability, that power,
that
financial ability
can be used
or should be used in the right way.
When it becomes abused is when this is
being abused in the wrong way. When it's
being used in the wrong way, it's called
abused
and this can be the abuse
inside the home
can be emotional,
verbal,
finance or financial,
physical
or sexual.
So inside the house, inside the home,
the dynamics of the family,
it actually goes around this.
There is emotion involved. With families, you all
feel this. Whenever we talk about families, there's
emotions always. You love your family,
whether that's your parents, that's your siblings, that's
your husband, that's your children, emotions are involved.
So there is this emotions, if it is
being used to hurt someone that's abused, emotional
abuse,
verbal abuse,
Allah gave me the tongue to spread Khayr,
to spread goodness, to teach,
to show beautiful
feelings,
that's used. Adiuz is verbal when I use
my tongue basically to hurt someone,
to put down someone.
3, financial,
financial abuse
and this you see whether this is with
the children, this is with the husband, this
is with the wife. I have the money,
Allah gave it to me, and I abuse
it to manipulate
people.
I deprive them of their rights because I
have the money, I brought the money. So
financial
then we have the physical
basically using my hand,
using part of my body to hurt someone
whether
my hand itself or I'm using something with
my hand to hurt someone
physically
and then we have the sexual abuse.
All these,
all
these emotional,
verbal,
financial,
physical, and sexual, these are all abuse.
This is what I want you
what
I want you to see if we can
share it
with everybody, and this is actually the statistics
from
the,
the organization I was telling you about. So
basically,
basically,
what is the percentage? How common this is
in the Muslim family? And you will be
very surprised.
1 in 3 women and
1 in 4 women, this is not Muslim
in general, facts.
Domestic violence
is a pattern of abusive behavior
used by someone
to establish
power and control
over another person in a relationship.
This is how you define it. Domestic violence
is a pattern,
it's not once,
it's not twice,
it's usually a pattern.
It gets worse, get better, improve, worse and
usually the pattern is
bad
get better,
bad get better and then gets worse,
more worse than the first time, then get
better, then gets even worse and worse. It's
a pattern, it's not once, so it's a
pattern
of abusive
behavior
used by who? Someone.
Why?
To establish power and control.
To establish power and control. Again, I'm not
talking about men only, this is in general,
this could be parents with the children, this
could be with the older child with the
younger child, and husband with the wife,
anyone. So it's basically abusing power to get
power and control
over another person in a relationship.
That's the definition of it. 1 in 3
women
and 1 in 4 women I'm sorry, 1
in 3 women,
1 in 4 men in the United States
has been or will be a victim of
domestic virus. I hope you are seeing it
on the,
on the screen.
And
53%
of the American
Muslims
experience
some form of domestic
violence, which may include again emotional,
verbal,
financial, physical, or sexual.
53%,
more than half of the Muslim families
in general
will experience some of this. Now remember it's
all so it's verbal,
emotional,
financial,
physical or
sexual.
More than half of the Muslim families
children
now look at this statistic, this statement.
Children who are in a household
where domestic violence
is happening
have the same symptoms as children
who are abused
themselves.
So 2 families,
one of the families, the children are not
abused, but there is abuse between the parents.
They will later on show the same symptoms
of those children in another family who have
themselves
been abused. That trauma is real,
that trauma is real
and that domestic violence can cause
long term
developmental,
emotional, and other problems in children. I think
this is extremely important for the
parents to know this. It does not affect
them only. It affect the children, and if
you are staying she or he is staying
in a relationship where there is abuse,
for the sake of children, you may need
to learn this.
So children definitely get affected, half more than
half of the Muslim families
goes through domestic abuse.
Emotional,
verbal,
financial, physical, or sexual,
children of those families, they are not abused
themselves, but live inside a home where there
is domestic abuse, they will have effect similar
as if they were abused themselves, SubhanAllah.
Now immigrants,
many immigrants,
why? Now we come to why
and I'm just sharing you with facts and
this is from the website that I shared
with you in the beginning, why there is
many immigrants
fear why they don't seek any help,
fear they will lose their legal
status or go get deported. That gets into
huge issues in it. If they seek help,
calling any of these national or local resources
that there is a lot in here will
not result in loss of the
status of
the victim. This is for the immigrants. Why
they don't? There is a reason
why the
victims of
domestic abuse don't seek
help
and I'll I'll say it quickly, but you
probably all know number 1 is shame. I
will say number 1 is for the sake
of the children
and this is from
my my small experience, I don't run an
institute for this, but from the counseling I
get
from, I I I get a lot of
questions from women about this. In fact, after
that the program today, I am meeting with
someone,
to discuss this. Most of the women stay
in an abusive relationship for the sake of
the children.
Number 2,
the reason they stay even if they don't
have children is the shame,
is the shame and the stigma, the community,
the family, their own family
may mark them as. Number 3 is financial,
where will I go?
And this is what it is he said
because when the woman leaves the house to
go for a shelter, there's a lot of
issues comes out out of the
shelter
and
the hope that things will change.
I'm staying, he will change, she will change.
So there is a lot of obstacle. Domestic,
85%
and this is what I want you to
see, 85%
of the domestic
violence victims are women.
85%.
There's 15% of them, there is men, but
80 are women.
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