Rules of Guidance – Marriage Engagement Period Rules and Ethics
Channel: Hacene Chebbani
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unreliable alameen wa salatu salam, ala Shafi mousseline, Cz no hamadryad, Ernie, he was Sufi, as you may notice on our program
and we'll talk a little bit about some methods related to marriage and how to make the marriage proposal
related to this issue.
But I would like to start this hell apart with
the area or a part of is a short line that was mentioned in a 187 is horrible Bukhara and Allah subhanho wa Taala describe the relationship between the husband and wife in a very beautiful way. It's amazing the way
he described this relationship. And I always want to you read this I feel like you know, I admired the beauty of the Quran and the power of the Quran,
who nearly vessel lucam were unto Li vessel Laguna. They are like Carmen to you, and you are like government to them. So marriage is the oldest tradition that is known to the human race. And it is a genuine extension to that holy meeting that took place between our father Adam Ali, Salah,
and our mother her work and he must Silla.
The Allah Subhana Allah to Allah when he created them, allow them to stay in paradise. But was how were created before he went before Adam went into paradise or after he went into paradise. There are two famous explanations or interpretations and based on one of them, that Adam wanting to Paradise by himself.
And then he was allowed Of course, to enjoy the bounties of his Lord, to enjoy the bounties of Allah subhanho wa Taala. He had free access to everything that was made available to him in Paradise, but he said as time passed, he had a yearning for human company. He felt lonely, he felt that he is alone there and he needed company.
Also want to share with him his thoughts and you know, to be intimate with
and then Allah subhanho wa Taala created her work.
And that's why in Surah, Allah Allah, Allah said, who will levy holla cocoon min Neff sin wahida wa Jalla mean has he escuela La
La mermell bajo we've hit of Syria kuliah nsmb, where we are LA. So the meaning of this is it is He Who created you from one soul and created from it, it's made that he may he might draw insecurity with her. So a man is supposed to find Sakina and tranquility with his wife and that is the
that is the nature of this relationship between men and women.
Together the roamed around in Paradise, eating from its bounties and whatever whenever they wished and whatever they wish the Allah Subhana Allah gave them free access. Everything was free for them. However their own family said it is as it is known in the story of Adam and Eve SLM and how we're during a moment of weakness caused by the whispering of shaper. they violated the only one restriction that Allah subhanho wa Taala has imposed upon them do not come close to that street, do not eat from the fruits of that tree. And they did they violated this rule. As I said, Of course after that they asked for repentance and the, the May tilbyr. It's a long story. But the point here,
the odema of dfcu. They said no it is mentioned in the Quran in the book of Allah subhanho wa Taala. After the committed that sin, we became acutely aware of their nakedness. And they start covering themselves
covering themselves. So the adamant have felt the need for what to cover themselves up. And they're only met as a result. They said, you know, Adam, and he said
he felt the need for a company. And then they both of them, they felt the need to cover themselves to cover their bodies. These two needs. They were the two needs that Adam and SLM felt in and how in general and that's why these are the must have had our Tada. They're trying to match
Make a relationship here to establish a relationship between this beautiful metaphor that Allah subhanaw taala has given us in the Quran between relationship, you know the relationship of husband and wife, and also the relationship of man, you know, the son of man with his clothes with his garment.
So it is a very powerful one. And it really brings home the message. And when you think about it, when you think about your clothes and the functions of your clothes, you find the you know, the you take, or you appreciate the beauty of this parable, or is this this example that Allah subhanaw taala has given in the Quran, and it creates in the mind a clear picture
about the relationship, or the relationship needed for a healthy and happy marriage. We just think about this idea, you get a clear picture about how the relationship should be between the husband and wife.
So clothes are a basic necessity in our life as humans, and they are used for warmth, and for beauty, right?
One of their essential functions is that we keep us warm.
And as a result, the owner Maddy said, the sign of a healthy marriage is that one of the two has to feel the warmth, you know, has to feel warmth has to find warmth when he did when he said when he is beside when he's in the company of the of his partner, if there is no war between the two of them, that's why last prank recorded in the crowd, Noah dwara mercy and affection if there is there is no no these feelings is not there. These feelings are not there than there is something wrong with that marriage. They say they will close are physically the closest object to our bodies with no barriers. And that's why we said the woman and the husband and wife should be very close to each other, like
the closeness of our garments to our bodies, they should be open and transparent with each other.
Without any they should, you know, share their thoughts with each other talk about their concerns, about their fears about their achievements, without any fear of being rejected or being
you know, judged.
Without any fear of embarrassment, that should be the notch the nature of this relationship between a man and his and his wife. These clothes are a form of protection. Right, they are a form of protection. They protect us from harsh harsh weather conditions. And we can see our physical imperfections if someone has a defect in his body, the definitely his clothes will will we conceal his defects. So the said has been in wife have to protect each other from outside external threats, and from the evil of their own selves.
If a man has to protect his wife, Rob,
and the woman the wife has to protect her husband from her own evil, and they conceal they're supposed to conceal their shortcomings. And then you know, the shortcomings of others, the problems of the other party you have to accept that this is the nature of this relationship for that.
And the owner maybe said that will close function as a vary from toxins and from bacteria from coming into our bodies, right. And the same way marriage, which is based on faith and trust, you know, has to be you know, has to be a meeting
that is colored blood with the safety and feelings of security. So, capital should not allow a third party to come in between and pollute the relationship. Even if this third party is the mother or a sister or a father. There are people who share with others who are members of the extended family every little argument. Whenever there is a problem and arguments between husband and wife, you find that the husband will pick up the phone and talk to his mother complaining about his issues with his wife or the or vice vice versa. The marketer the wife will do the same thing with pick up the phone and talk to her mother, her father or her sisters about her life and his miserable life. And they
start complaining and allowing more and more people to interfere in their family affairs and they open the door to Trump. Do you think by doing that,
they are looking.
They are looking for solutions. They're trying to fix their problems, but actually they are inviting troubles and problems.
blooms into their family life. They have to exhaust all means of conflict resolution before they can talk to someone else. I'm not saying it's Haram, it's totally haram to talk to an outsider. It's okay to talk to someone else to seek the counsel of a close the close ones or an elder, or someone who is knowledgeable in emammal. It's, it's okay, it's helpful. But after we exhaust all means of solving your problems with your wife, inside, inside the house, even children are not supposed to be part of these issues.
Actually, one of the
the worst mistakes that many parents do that they keep talking about their problems, and they discuss their issues in front of their kids.
This, this is just an introduction, you know about the importance of this relationship within our social fabric. Now, the main subject of this halakhah tonight, rules and ethics during the engagement period.
This is something that many of our young young people I thought about their subject, this subject because many young people do know, they don't have knowledge about in what are the rulings? What are the etiquettes? What are the ethics that should be followed during during this period when someone decides to make a marriage proposal? When someone decides to go to someone and ask for her hand from her family? What are the ethics? What are the rulings? What are the potential pitfalls that should be avoided or that must be avoided during that pain. So this is something that we don't talk about it and we'd like to discuss it today. Any
lahia effetre alumi ohmori d nothing serious here. But just talking about the etiquettes of making a HIPAA, HIPAA because it will hurt with the cursor under the heart is a marriage proposal. hotbar with them is a speech when you give a speech. Our own ms said Melissa had to be there to who's a Hackney hire to who this is a famous, saying many, many scholars use the same in different contexts. But in this context, Mensa had to be dyad. To who which could be translated as a good beginning, makes a good ending. So if you build the foundation of marriage on taqwa, most likely, Allah Subhana, Allah will your will bless this marriage will bless your family life, because you are
following his guidance.
When you follow His guidance, when you listen to you, Lord, your Creator, and you obey Him, Allah Subhana Allah will bless your family life. So this is what I mean by starting in the right way, starting the process in the right way, I know many of you are married, and maybe you're not thinking about it. But it's, there is nothing wrong with knowing these things. Maybe you could be in a position of an elder brother, or a father one day, and you need to give some mercy has some advice to your younger brother, or your friend or your son how to behave, and how to follow the guidance of Allah subhanho wa Taala when he is planning to get married.
So during those critical moments, they are critical moments because you are making a choice you are making here a very important decision in your life. you're selecting your partner, it's a long commitment. It's a commitment that you make it with to this person, front of Allah subhanaw taala in front of the community members. So at is these are very important moments in your life, you need to make sure as a young person that you are, you know, starting this process in the right way, following the right steps and making the right decision.
Now, what is the marriage proposal or
the third one is a promise for marriage. So it's not a contract. We should distinguish tonight the mistakes that many Muslims nowadays are making. They don't they cannot distinguish between a hit. And a marriage contract.
is just a promise you might go to the family, meet the father of the girl or meet the girl with her family and you make a promise if they agree then he will they will make a promise to you. And that is a promise of marriage. This is not Nika. This is not akkad nica. This is not a contract. A marriage contract. A marriage contract is when you do it when the husband or the future husband will face the Willie
Or the father or the guardian of the girl and the maker Caesar Caesar tilaka. They have to there is a statement that they have to make in front of witnesses, and there is a dowry that has to be specified. And then the marriages, the marriage contract is made.
But when they are in the process just talking to each other, or making promises, this is just a hit. The man is still as Navy as navy and a non Muharram, male member of the community. He's not the husband. So we'll talk about these steps in sha Allah tonight.
So it is as I said, the first step in the process of nicaea and initial agreement between two families two parties between a man and a woman and the marriage proposal usually comes from the men. It usually comes from the men. I'm not saying it is not haram if it comes from the woman. It is not haram if it comes from the father of the girl.
Because Yanni Rasulullah Salim said in the famous Hadith either hapa hadoo Kumara feni SATA anyanwu, Rama drew LMA Drew huile Annika heavily a fan. He said, when one of you makes a marriage proposal to a woman, he should look at what encourages him to get married with her.
So he should meet with a woman and look at her before he makes his final decision. That is the mercy of our solar system. But the shade here we are concerned with the first part is the heart of a hydrocarbon and the man makes a marriage proposal at times. Other times a woman would make the proposal like in the case of Khadija or the Alon Khadija she is the one who made the marriage proposal through her friend Nafisa. She sent her friend Nafisa to talk she was really impressed with the lack of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam, with his manners with his honesty, after he went into a trading trip, for a trading trip to Syria to the area of a sham and he came back with with a
great wall and her a slave or her servant, who was with her with him Valley salatu salam during that trip, told her about his a clap and manners, and she was really impressed with so she made the proposal and if he said her friend went to him and talk to him about marriage, and he accepted the proposal. It was narrated that also hafsa binter Omar moussaka, when her husband passed away,
her father, aroma ricotta went to Earth man and made a marriage proposal to Earth man, on behalf of his daughter, I assume after the adea has passed, the idea of someone of a woman whose husband has passed away is four months and 10 days. So after the reader has passed herbal hottub went to Earth man, but the alar I know and asked him to get married with his daughter. So they were very open minded about marriage didn't have our complexities and our problems and our sensitivity now that we have these days, and as man refused, or I was, I would say declined the offer. And then aroma club went to Abu Bakar and he made the marriage proposal to Abu Bakr on behalf of his daughter. And a
worker kept quiet did not say anything, because he knew that Ursula cillum was talking about hafsa and then Rasulullah sallallahu asked for her hand and she accepted his his offer and he got married, and she became one of the wives for Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
By the hitbox is permissible with two conditions. The head wa in Islam is permissible, permissible with two conditions. The first one, they said the woman has to be legally eligible for this critical for nica. The woman has to be legally eligible for nikka What does it mean? If someone was recently divorced, and her waiting period is not over was not completed, then it is harder for another man to come and make a marriage proposal
either explicitly or implicitly, explicitly to say that I want to get married with you. I'm making a marriage proposal or implicitly to drop a hint of marriage.
You know, make a hint.
So both of them are not permissible in Sharia. If she is during her waiting period and waiting period of a woman who is divorced is three monthly periods. It could be three months could be less could be more a little bit more. But it is Many people think that there are three months, 90 days this is not true. It is three monthly periods.
For any woman who is divorced, then anyone who wants to get married with this woman, he has to wait until her day is over. Because during that period, she is still a wife to the other men to the First Men, they live together, they are supposed to stay together in the house. And she's not supposed to wear a hijab in front of her ex husband, they are still husband and wife, if she dies, he's allowed to get to have a share in her inheritance. If he dies, she's allowed to have a share in his inheritance during that period. Right. And she's, she's supposed to cook for him and take care of her house, they are not allowed to spend the night in one room, that this is only restriction during
that period. They are not allowed to stay to spend the night time in one room. But all the other, you know, issues are permissible, like staying together in the house and talking to each other, trying to solve their problems and the hikma and no one the most of the people 90% I would say 90% of Muslims are not respecting these rules. And this is a command from Allah, that if you divorce a woman, you don't send her out from the house, she has to stay for that ADA. And people nowadays when the divorces, when when a man divorces his wife, she leaves right away, she goes to her parents house, or he has to leave in some cases, leave the house and go and look for rent with or stay with
his friends. Or I mean this is not this is not the sharing of Allah subhana wa Tada. And as I said, 90% maybe of Muslims are not respecting the sharing ruling. As a result, we have a bigger rate or a higher rate of divorce in our communities. But what happened if they respect this ruling, they stay together in the house, they talk to each other. The last rental is given has given them what an extra three months maybe a period, a long period to talk about their problems and issues. Now the woman she knows that she is divorced, if she doesn't change her behavior, if she just she doesn't matter and introduce some adjust some adjustments to her to her habits, maybe maybe she needs maybe
he needs to change he need to do some changes. You know, they talk to each other he's tried to make a deal. Allah Subhan Allah has given them this chance to work on it. But the problem is many people are just when they get angry. They don't think about the Sherry of Allah subhana wa.
as for the woman who's has been passed away, then she has to wait for four months and 10 days before she can get married with someone else. This is her idea. But a man is allowed to make a proposal. Hence he is not allowed to make an explicit proposal. But he is allowed to drop a hint. It is narrated that sucanat been tangela met Muhammad Ali zainul IBT is a great Eman is one of the great grandchildren for some Vice Chancellor Muhammad Ali. Even Al Hussein used to be called Zeno Larabee Dean, when he was a puppy. He was a great man highly respected in the community.
And during her waiting period, he met this lady during her waiting period after her husband passed away. So he said, You have come to know my relationship with the Messenger of Allah and my relationship with Ali and my status in the community.
So she said May Allah forgive you you have a Jaffa You are a man of knowledge. And people seek your fatwas and your counsel. Are you making a marriage proposal during my waiting period? And he said I only told you about my relationship with the Messenger of Allah and my relationship with Ali. He didn't say anything else extra I didn't add anything right. So it is a kind of an implicit proposal, which is halal, which is permissible, but he did not explicitly say that I am making an offer for mesh. He knows the Sharia rulings. And why people do it. I mean, maybe they want to, you know, let the other person know that they are that he's interested in getting married with her. There is
nothing wrong with that. But if people doing nowadays it will be labeled with cover
because we don't know our area. So they will they will be like in the news in Calgary.
The second condition
the second condition, they said it is not permissible to make a marriage proposal upon the proposal of another brother.
It is Hara
and this is the this is in
case the made an agreement like the brother went and he made a marriage proposal and he received a positive answer
a promise word that we are fine with that we agree.
Offer accepted and we can proceed in sha Allah in the future will proceed to conclude this marriage, so he received a positive answer right? If someone wants to come and make another marriage proposal, he is not allowed in Sharia. This is not permissible. So legally, this woman is not eligible for him for the second person, but if he did not receive any answer,
no answer at all. It was a we're gonna think about it. And a second one comes and make another marriage proposal. Is it halal or not? It is hella. It is permissible. If he gives him the permission he said you are I heard that you are interested in that woman. Go ahead and make your marriage proposal go ahead and do it. Your I'm fine. I'm not going to be offended. Then it is helpful. It is okay in this case to go and make a marriage proposal. Rasul Muslim said in the famous Hadith a man is not allowed to make a proposal upon the proposal of his brother until the first cancels his hitbox or gives him permission. So if he cancels it's obvious you are allowed to go and
make a proposal when someone thinks about a woman and he wants to get to get married with with her.
He is supposed to make istikhara it is Mr. hab It is recommended to pray Salatu is the hora it is soon
and you need to pray to rock as and after you finish tour occurs these two locales has to be volunteer your prayers You don't have to be fajita prayers, or the sooner of will Fazal they have to be volunteers who prays in the morning time or the afternoon or after between mother in Asia or after Asia at any time. So you pray the stork as and you make the famous do I it is available in heslin Muslim available in law in law online. The Hadeeth of jabil in Sahih al Bukhari there is a long two hour that you're supposed to say. I suppose the most of the family said they're supposed to recite these two after you finish the tour has us make Salaam radio Raise your hands one of the
etiquettes of making Dora and you ask you make this Dora have listed her if you don't memorize it, you can open the book Islam Muslim, and you read it from the book. That's okay, that's fine.
If you don't know how to read Arabic and you don't know how to say these two are in Arabic, then it's okay if you you look into the translation and you just make the dough in English that's fine and it should be accepted in sha Allah you don't have to do it before you go to bed this is a common belief that we have to do is taharah before you go to bed at night so we'll be able to see a dream
You didn't have to see a dream some people might be might see a dream after the make istikhara but not all people and it is not a requirement. Yeah I've hear you make up your mind about one girl and you want to inshallah you make up your mind you want to go to her family or go talk to her and make a marriage proposal. Then you can make the heart about that specific lady after you make up your mind because Allah says enemy said either hammer or hadoken anyone so someone one of you is planning to do something you thought about it and you made up your mind and said okay, this is my lady we're gonna go and make the marriage proposal insha Allah and then before you do that you can pray is too
hard. I don't take the car about everyone you think about whenever you see a lady said okay, that could be
could be my wife. So making makes the hotter boat if we want to be difficult, making Sahara after you make up your your mind will allow to Allah Allah.
After the marriage proposal is made, what are the duties of the Wali? What are the duties of the guardian or father of the girl? What are her duties also?
They are supposed to make istikhara two, this is number one.
And they are allowed to ask about
the suitor the new suitor, they are allowed to collect information about him.
Even by asking about his you know his lab is solid. His Dean he is more ama his business partners. You can ask anyone and it is helpful for them to tell you
if the brother has some problems shortcomings in this case
In this case only, they are allowed beside other cases that are mentioned in in Rio de Sala hain mo no he has mentioned some cases. But this is one of the cases where it is hilarious to talk about the shortcomings and imperfections of other people. Because this is an essay how you have to be sincere in your NOC has so the father is telling you what do you know but this person, you went to university with him, you established a business with him You did this and that you were praying in him in the same message with him. What is your knowledge about this person and you are allowed to tell the father about all the problems you knew about him. But if he had problems before in the past
and he may tilbyr and he changed and he became a good Muslim, you are not allowed. You are not allowed to tell him about his his past No, this is haram because a person you are assured that he is a good person now he has left these problems. He used to drink alcohol for example now we Mashallah he stopped he may Toba is praying in the masjid regular with his prayers. He used to smoke now he quit smoking. He used to do things now he's a good person is not permissible for you to tell the father about his past. And the same thing about the girl the same rule applies to the other party. You go and ask about the girl and other people are not allowed about two are not allowed to tell you
about her past. If she is now a good Muslim
wearing the hijab and praying and a good Muslim she changed you are not allowed to tell the other the suitor or the man about her past to Allahu Allah alum they personalize I sell them. Guide is Omar guided his humor through a clear you know piece of guidance in the Hadith he said what is the duty of the Father here
are parents or guardians he said either a comentarios owner Dina who are hollowcore hufa Zhu Zhu, Mr. mee rasulillah saucer.
In letter Fallujah confit netone fill out of the office, Adam Kabir He said, If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and manners and a flap you are pleased, so you are pleased with to his religious commitment and his man and his manner says a flat, then allow him to get married with your daughter, or with your female member of the family allowed him, allow him otherwise allow him otherwise, there will be fitna there will be corruption on earth if you don't do it, because people will be for example, looking at other attributes, looking at other qualities, is he wealthy or not? Does he have
a university degree or not? And these things are important. I'm not saying it's not they are not important. I'm not saying the look is not the physical appearance is not important. It is important. The level of education It is important, but the dean here Islam is saying give priority to these things. Number one is religious commitment. Number two is a flat. And why did Rasulullah Salah mentioned this to religious commitment and a slap. There are people who have a long beard, they were a chemist all the time they come to the masjid they pray in the first row all the time. But when you deal with them, we deal with them. If you have a dispute with them, they would use a filthy language
for you establish your business with them. They are not honest. They pray the message and they have been the first and they do many things. And they might go to Hajj and Umrah but when we do business with people, for example, they are not honest, they cheat or when they talk about other people, they put them down. They are arrogant. There could be someone who comes his message he praises regularly with his prayer, but he's arrogant. He doesn't accept the truth they look at people doubt. So, you have to look at two things, you have to look at religious commitment and clap, because very important Otherwise, your daughter will have a miserable life. This Allah Salama will laugh here.
And the same thing applies to woman is that there are a few laws are seldom said women may be married for four things, their wealth, the lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed. So that is the mercy of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what are the Islamic etiquettes of the fitbark? What are the Islamic etiquettes of the fitbark? So one, as I said one decides to you know to make a marriage proposal after he prayed list Ihara now he prayed to Rockcastle flees the Hara, the prayer of seeking counsel, he may approach your family directly. If he wants here, there are different options. There are people who like to go
and look at the girl first.
Check on girl which is halaal, which is permissible without her knowing that the guy is watching her looking at her, which is hell and it is permissible. There are people who go nowadays they go and meet a family, meet the father meet the father, they go with their family, he goes with his father and mother with the family. If the family these family members are not present, he goes with his friend or whether he ma'am or someone, he might go by himself, it is helpful, it is permissible, he might go by himself, knock on the door and say I'm coming to make a marriage proposal. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that islamically. But people prefer that when someone comes for this to the
family, he comes with his family members, with his parents, the prefer that he comes if his parents are not there, they prefer that he comes with his friends, especially preferably elders in the community, or ankles, you know, someone they know they feel comfortable with, though they start their meeting in the right way.
It is okay to get the approval of the girl before you go and approach her father. It is okay to talk to her or send her an email or a phone or let her know through her brother method. Talk to the brother and see ask your, your your sister if he's interested. Because this will make your life easy if she's not interested. Hey, don't go and embarrass yourself and meet the father and talk to him. That's it. She said she's not interested. Yeah, he think about someone else. Right? He may he or she will make your life easy. This could be one of the approaches in some communities, this is not accepted. Parents will be very upset if you contact their daughter before coming to them.
In some cultures, but islamically I'm saying islamically as long as you know both of them do not cross the limits of Sharia. The boundaries of Sharia have to be respected. They don't violate any ruling of Sharia then this could be accepted with Allahu to Allah Allah.
By asking for a parent's blessing or permission to tell you the truth. Yeah. And it because many people might think that this is an old
fashioned practice. Right. But asking for parents, you know, blessing or permission was was once the standard. Part of it was a standard part of any engagement within these communities within Jewish and Christian communities. It was
it was part of their engagement.
That was their practice in the old days. Now, they have changed you know it now it is viewed as something that is antiquated practice Yanni an old ritual, an old fashion. Are you when you tell him if you tell the other people non Muslims nowadays that this is how we do it? He might tell you that you guys are weird. Right? But they have are we supposed to change our customs and our rulings and our ethics because others have changed?
are we are we supposed to keep changing our our customs
in the code of our ethics because other people have changed their customs. Now we're not. This is our D. This is our Sharia, these are our etiquettes we stick to them for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala to please Allah subhanaw taala This is the guidance of Mohammed Salah. And the best guidance is the guidance of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
We like it or not. I mean, you shouldn't feel ashamed as a Muslim. When you follow the Sunnah of your messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam?
Is the suitor allowed to take her out on a date after he receives a positive answer? There is no marriage contract. Are they allowed to go outside and talk to each other? dating each other? Are you allowed they're not allowed? Now the answer is no. Sharia says it is haram.
So now how about if two families come together and they recite Al Fatiha This is part of their part of the culture of many communities, Muslim communities in different countries. The belief that when the family the two families get together, and the recital Fatiha, which is a bit out, which is an innovation in this in this occasion, we're not supposed to recital fair to help okay 30 how we decided in the Salah. When we pray
when we establish the prayer but people do it. They do it now it's part of their culture part of their practices. But the The problem is
Many Muslims believe that the moment the recital fatty had the two families recital Fatiha, then we can behave with each other like husband and wife. And they are allowed to go outside and date each other and talk to each other and have a freedom with each other they can and plan for their future, family life and and do everything. This is not permissible. She becomes your wife after you do the marriage contract. before the marriage contract he is in as nebbia a non Muharram lady,
a non Muharram lady before the marriage contract, after the marriage contract, she is your wife and you are her husband.
Is he allowed to repeat his visits to the family to see the girl and make sure that he's making the right choice? Yes. The allameh have said that it is okay to go back to the family and talk to the girl and sit down and to see if he is there. Is he is he making or not? He wants to make sure he wants to make sure that she's making the right decision. That's okay, that's fine. You can talk on the Skype or talk to each other on the phone with the presence of
you know, other family members that should be fine. Is he allowed to see the girl without Asia. The opinion the opinion of majority of scholars, he is only allowed to see her face and her hands if he was there.
Like so if he is a new tabi lady, she's allowed in this on this occasion to remove her niqab
and allow him to see her face and her hands. If he if he or she doesn't wear a niqab then obviously you will be able to see her face and her hands. If you is Asia. If she doesn't wear the hijab, then he's able to see many things.
But I don't advise practicing Muslims to get married with someone who doesn't wear the hijab unless he makes an agreement with her that I am practicing Muslim. And I would planning to establish a family a Muslim family life. I want to live in Muslim family life. Establish a Muslim family. And I want I'm planning to have Taqwa in my life to introduce taqwa in my life as a husband as a father. So I want you to wear the hijab, that's okay. That's fine. If she agrees. She said yes, I'm gonna wear the hijab and that's fine. That's okay. Well lo to Allah alum.
Now is he allowed to, is he supposed to tell them about his permanent diseases if, if he has a contagious disease,
or has a permanent disease, he has a problem, a health problem. So there are limits the majority of scholars majority, they said you are not suppose a suitor is not supposed to. And the girl is not supposed to tell her suitor. The man about every problem she has or every problem he has, except to problems. If he has or she has a contagious disease.
Something that you don't want. I mean, if you know that the person has this disease,
the sickness you know what you don't feel comfortable staying with him, or being close to him. So in this case, they said Missouri's if they're older, they said they have to be honest, both of them, and they have to tell each other. And the second problem second defect, any defect that would prevent, I don't want to be here explicit, any problem that would prevent the marital life or the marital meeting comedian to be full and complete.
So if there is a disease, that would prevent this marital life to be fully enjoyed, it is
an obligation for each of them to tell the other person that he has a problem, even if it is a deeper problem sensitive problem. They are the i in this case, I would advise the person not to talk about it in the first meeting.
I would advise both of them to wait until they make sure that the other person the other party is serious about his marriage proposal. And you are about to make the marriage contract then you tell her or you tell him
because if you tell him from the first meeting, and this is such a sensitive problems, such a private problem, and then he doesn't have fear of Allah subhanaw taala you don't know the person. He might say okay, no, I'm not interested. Then he goes outside and he starts you know,
sharing this information with the people if he doesn't have the beautiful line his heart he doesn't have Taqwa who she doesn't have Taqwa, he tells her about some problems. And she goes and tells her friends and family members that we refuse the offer of so and so, because he has this health problem. And this is a private issue. You don't want every one to know about it, but you told them because you are making a marriage proposal. So my advice, my personal advice here is to wait until you are about to make the marriage contract. Because making a marriage contract in this case is haram without telling the other person. So the period could be one week could be 10 weeks, could be
three months, four months, you wait until you feel that the other person is serious, you test his or
her lap or the honest, do they have the beautiful line their hearts? I think you're going to share this information to other people and then you make your judgment. Here you make your judgment.
What happened if the agreement is cancelled, there was there was a promise, there was an initial agreement of HIPAA, but the marriage contract was not made. And the guy has given the method and or at least gifts.
He bought some gold gold for his
for his next or future wife. fiance.
Some gifts, expensive gifts, what happens if the hit bar is cancelled? After one month? They said we are not interested. So there are differences between the
different opinions? Is he allowed to ask for his gifts? allowed to take back his gifts? I spend 2000 on this piece of gold I spent 1000 here, here is the bill 3000 Give me my money back.
Is he allowed or not? So as I said the Roma have different opinions. But the best opinion will allow Ireland to the best of my knowledge is in the Maliki found in the medical school of thought that if
the refusal came from the family of the girl, they change their mind, she changed her mind without any apparent or valid reason
that he or he is allowed to ask for his gift to be given back to him. Because as a principle, we are as Muslims when we give a gift to someone who are not supposed to take it back. This is an Islamic principle.
It is it is a shameful act to give someone a gift. And then you say give me my gift back.
We were not supposed to do that. But in this case, the owner may have different opinions. Why? Because I mean, if you tell him you are not allowed to ask for your gifts to be to, you know to take your gifts back. And the guy mithuna has spent a big amount of money. But it is the lady who changed her mind without any valid reason. There was no reason why did you change your mind?
No clue. No answer. That's it, we change your mind we're not interested by spend money. Now Islam here tells you based on the this opinion in the Maliki school of thought you are allowed to ask for your gifts to be given to back you take them back. So how about the dowry? The dowry you are allowed. There is an agreement. There was no marriage contract, you are allowed to take it back. If there was a marriage contract, but the marriage was not consummated. You are allowed to take half of it 50% if the marriage was consummated, the whole the Halla rasuluh be more It better be a wedding. They had a wedding party they got together then he's not allowed to ask for
the dowry the value of the dowry. In one case he's allowed to ask for it. If there is a holler holler is a type of separation in Islam when the woman asks for divorce without a valid reason. without a valid reason. She said they cannot stay with this man. I cannot I mean, I will. I will commit make justice injustice against him. If I stay with him, I'm not going to fulfill his rights or I'll have a miserable life if I live with this man. Then, you know if he if there is no problem with him as a husband, but she decided to leave this meant in this case he's allowed to ask for his dowry to be paid back to him
will allow to Allah Adam these are I think the issues but in general
I would like to conclude with this, that
there are three
approaches or three methodologies in dealing with the issue with this period, dealing with this period, the period of engagement three ways. And I want you always to pay attention to the method of Allison ojama, the method of the roadmap that is based on knowledge that we are, we are supposed to follow the middle path, the middle path, what is the middle path, the suitor
is allowed to see the girl that allowed to talk to each other, and see if they are suitable to each other. If they can have a family life with the presence of her family members, he's allowed to see her face her hand, spend time with them and talk to them. And this is the middle path. What are the other two extremes? The other two extremes one of the old ways of our grandparents a, you know, grandparents is that he's not allowed to see her at the time of birth. And even after the makes, in some cases, in some communities after the make the marriage contract, he's not allowed to see her. She's his wife, and he's not allowed to see her. You have to wait until the night of the wedding
nikka when you do when you consummate the marriage, you have to wait. And this is what chief Mohammed Arabia, you know him Sheikh Mohammed anything, because something he made public, he was talking about it in a lecture, his personal experience with his father in law. So because he talked about it in public, I'm going to tell you about it. So he said it was you know, my father in law was one of those people who follow these rules that are not based on Sharia. He said there was not allowed to see her during the festival. And I after we did the marriage contract. He told him I want to see my wife. He said no, you have to wait. And I said the only way he was able to see her is that
I told my sister to invite her with her mother to her to her house, invite them for a dinner or lunch. And he hid himself beside the door and a room there and he opened the door and tried to see his wife.
Yeah, she's held to him, this is Sherry of Allah subhanaw taala These are old, you know, ways, old ways that have to be neglected and ignored because this is not the Sharia of Allah subhanaw taala. So this is one extreme. The other extreme is to allow them to go outside and do whatever they want. They need to know each other. They need to know each other they need to get along to see if they are suitable to each other. Let them spend some months, couple of weeks or months together. And then we see ask them you feel happy now. Are you okay? We can do the marriage contract? She said yes. They said yes. Then we do it. This is another extreme and now it is adopted in the West. We tell them
about the other ways they tell them as I said tell them you guys are weird. But this is the middle path Sherry alfalah pinata if you are a father, this is what you are supposed to do. If you are a mother, this is what you are supposed to do. If they are someone you are someone, a young person who is planning to get married, this is what you are supposed to do. allowed to see the girl and meet her and everything but you are not allowed to cross the cross the boundaries of Sharia chisako low phaedon botica low FICO and thank you for coming.