Channel: Fatima Barkatulla
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Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh and welcome to Episode One of raising believers. I'm your host, sister nusseibeh. And joining me for this series is sheher, Fatima barkatullah. And Bala, founder of marital arts. In today's episode, we'll be discussing whether or not we can guarantee our children will be righteous Muslims. And some of the ways we can do that. Now we know raising children in the West can be an uphill battle. We find ourselves constantly asking the questions, can we raise righteous children, we face struggles that people from before may not have faced. So let's go straight into the discussion. How are you both? Hamdulillah? How are you?
I'm good. I'm Paula. How are you doing today? I'm doing well. Alhamdulillah.
It is. Okay, so let's start with a little bit of an introduction. I know that this series is inspired by a book that you've written called Raising believers.
Do you want to tell us a little bit about it? Yeah, so I'm writing a book called Raising believers, tomorrow's leaders, because I know that one of the big pain points for parents all over the world, but for especially in the West, I think is, you know, we ask ourselves the question, are there things we can do that will guarantee that we that our children will be believers? And I wanted to seek to answer that? And my answer to that is actually, no, we can't Sorry, sorry to break it to everyone. You know, we can't actually guarantee the results, we can't guarantee that our children will grow up to be believers, because there are two types of hedaya. Two types of guidance. One is
Hidayatullah earshot, and one is Hidayatullah tofield. Hidayatullah. Rashad is basically the guidance that we seek to provide. So we teach our children we enjoy the good, we forbid the evil, we create the environment, that will mean that we that it's very, very likely for our children to be believers. But hedaya To Toe feet is
the guidance that is regarding the success of that Dawa, that we give you know that the success of that guidance, whether the child or whether the person will actually become a believer or not, whether the person will listen to the guidance or not. That type of Hidayat is in our last panel data and its hands. So that's usually how I start talking about this. And I mean, we have you know, countless examples from you know, the prophets and from the past, proving this point. I mean, on Bala if you want to elaborate on any examples that you can give us? Sure, I think a lot of the time parents are usually thinking what is the practical way to, you know, manifest certain ways in which
they can cultivate, you know, in the children. And I think living in the West, people often find that, you know, there are so many strategies that they can use, but it's about selecting a strategy that is suitable for you, and your child and for your family. Because every child is different, every family's needs are different. And panel, we have so many examples in the Quran. So many parents, you know, in the Quran, the Jacoba Islam, Ibrahim alayhi salam, and I think it's about taking example that is tailored to your needs, so that you can make it more relatable. And you can follow them as like blueprints. And I think that's what I guess this whole series is going to be
about to try to take some lessons from the Quran and the Sunnah, so that we can take inspiration and apply them into our lives because everyone's thinking, you know how to raise their children upon Iman, especially in the society that we live in. There's so many challenges, challenges that we've never seen before. So it's about seeing Okay, there are certain guidelines Allah has given to us in the Quran, and through the prophetic teaching, and it's about taking those guidance and applying to our current situation. Oh, the example that you you just mentioned the prophets in the Quran. I think that really proves to us you know, that we there are prophets in the Quran Allah mentioned,
who had very pious children, right, the best. They had prophets has children even right. But then we also have examples of prophets, who, although they were the chosen ones, they were the greatest men. Of course, they will guide it, they would have taught that you
Children about Allah Palestina, right they would have given good therapy. And yet, like in the example of Nora Halle Salam, you know, his son became a disbeliever or he rejected his father's message, despite the continuous call, Elisa, and even Iacobelli, Selim initially, his, you know, his eldest sons Subhanallah, you know, they, they took their brother and threw him down a well, they caused their own parents so much pain although and hamdulillah later on the they came back, I think the important thing, you know, that you guys have mentioned is that, no, it's not in our hands, but we have hope that insha Allah there are means in which we can, you know, try our best to do what we
can to ensure you know, that we have done our part, I guess, but like you said, the result in Allah's hands, the Sahaba said that there was not a bird in the sky, except that the prophets of Allah when he was salam told us about it. So I don't want parents to lose hope, you know, just because we can't guarantee the results. It doesn't mean that there the Quran and Sunnah has not have not given us plenty of means that we can utilize to stack the deck in our own favor. In other words, to make it more likely, and to make sure that we've done our job and Allah's eyes, you know, as parents, we can stand in front of Allah on the day of judgment and say, You're a lot, I did my best,
I followed your guidance to the best of my ability. And actually, that's all Allah asks of us. So in that sense, that's quite a relief as well, because although it would pay in any parent to see their child, you know, not carry on on the straight path. I think none of us should lose hope, you know, if Yahoo believes salaam sons could have caused him so much pain, and I only when they became quite old, they, you know, repented and they came back, we should not lose hope either. But also, you know, Allah has given us these means if we utilize these means, the means that we're going to be talking about in this series, then I hope in sha Allah, the likelihood is that inshallah inshallah
our children will be raised as strong believers in sha Allah, I mean, that's the lie that all of us mothers make. Okay, so let's go into one of the first means, how important is it for us as mothers and you know, for fathers who are watching to be righteous believers ourselves on Bala if you want to? I think it's very important because I think one of the things that we discuss a lot in parenting and in, you know, say, raising children, is that you have to practice what you're trying to preach to your children. And that is to be a believer, yourself, you know, to have Iman yourself to embody the acts of iman yourself. And when you focus on that, that Insha Allah, you've kind of met the
prerequisite because when we look into the Quran, like the story of Heather and Musa alayhis, salam, when they went to rebuild the world span, all these orphans, their wealth was beneath the wall. What was you know, told to us that what can above Masada, because the parents were righteous, Allah preserved them and their wealth. And I think sometimes when we discuss in the community when the courses or when I teach parenting courses, often there is this, you know,
anxiety about our children, you know, them in learning Quran or praying, but then I take it back to Okay, what about us? Are we actually focused on establishing salah self? are we actually doing Quran? Or are they seeing us to Quran self because it's one thing as telling it's another thing as showing children often learn from practical examples. So if you want them to be in a certain way, we have to embody that and that is the way the officers are trained the young Sahabas in the family around him, he role modeled what he wanted them to be himself first. But you know, as well as us being righteous being doing that, because we are role models. The point about this is that
regardless of whether we are with our children or not, if we are righteous ourselves, if our relationship with Allah is good, even if we die, right, even as in the example of those orphans, even if we're not with our children, like I just remember my I used to live in Egypt as a student, my mom, and some sometimes amazing things would happen to make my life easier. And my mom would be telling me, you know, I was making dua for you, I was thinking of you and I would think maybe because of the righteousness of my parents, even though I'm not with them. Allah is taking care of me. And that's the point here
But even if you're if you keep your relationship good with Allah, he's going to protect your children
as a gift to you, you know, just as Ibrahim Ali Salam, you know, all those years before there's generations before the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam came, because he was a righteous man because he made blah because he wanted good for his family alive gave the Prophet Muhammad salallahu Salam as a gift to his progeny, right? So in other words, you know, these are medic metaphysical means we often think of the physical means, right? Can I pay for the best school? Can I buy the best resources, can we go on holiday every year, we think of all these types of material things to make our children's lives better. But the means that we're going we're discussing are metaphysical,
they're beyond the normal kind of material means they are the means that Allah subhanaw taala has given us SubhanAllah. I think, you know, this is amazing, like you said that, you know, the story of feather where the parents had passed away, but the effect that it still had on the children and their projects upon I think sometimes we focus so much on, you know, the actual children, and we forget ourselves. And with that, Inshallah, we're gonna go to a break, and we will resume when we come back. And welcome back to our latest series, raising believers, where we will be discussing over the next few episodes, some of the ways in which we can raise firm, strong Muslim believers. In
the part, before we were discussing whether or not we can actually raise Muslim strong Muslim believers, and some of the ways in which we can do that. So we touched upon how important it is for us as parents to be righteous, and how that affects our children. Moving on from that, one of the other reasons or other ways in which we can ensure our children are raised appropriately and as right, just believe it is the vision of the mother and father, but specifically the mother in this sense. So how important is a vision of the mother and her daughter, for the children Subhan Allah, I would say, you know, I love I love saying to parents, make family, your finest project. You know,
when we think of a project, if you're a project manager, you have to have a vision, if you don't have a vision for how this project will end, what you want to see in the world, through your project, you won't know what to do, you won't have a strategy in place. So I really think it's very important that families literally sit together. And I've done this myself had a family meeting with my husband, where we actually wrote a vision for our family, and a mission statement as well. And I know that sounds a bit corporate to, you know, to some people, but I think what it does is it helps you as a team, you know, husband and wife to be on the same page. And that's so important, isn't it?
I mean, how many parents their views are the vision is not aligned. And so that causes problems
in the future. So I think vision, somebody having a very clear vision of where you want your family to go, what are the values that you want your family to be raised on? And then, you know, what is your ultimate goal, Jana, for that to be articulated and also told to your children and amongst yourselves, I think it's absolutely essential. Yeah, I think I think is really important. And it's not I know, you said it sounds corporate, but in all honesty is really not I think, is really important. And one of the points that I think, that I'd like to touch on is how you said, we should look at our families as a project and really invest ourselves in our families. How important is
investing yourself as a woman, especially as a mother, I think it's very important because one of the things that we ask Allah for is to make our family members like the leaders for the believers isn't what you're aniline with Akina Imam. Now, the best project managers are those who know their team members skill set, and use those skill set to the advantage. So as a mother, when you see your child grow, and when you are nurturing your child, you see Allah has blessed that child with certain skills and talents and qualities. So when you realize that you can teach or you can raise the child to be best in what the child has been gifted with because every child is unique. Every child is
gifted, and Allah is there which will give gives certain gifts to certain children and the mother if she's in tune with the child. She can see the gifts early on before any other people see that. So an example
comes to mind, the mother of Imam Malik, you know, when she saw Imam Malik how he was able to memorize, you know, as you know, like famously that he wanted to be, you know, a singer. But then she she said, you don't have the looks of, you know, a singer. So she dissuaded him from this path to another part. And we know what in my mind it became. But it was the guidance of the mother
to stay him towards his truest potential, you know, because every child has certain qualities, certain talents, certain gifts, but if those talents are recognized and use to the advantage that the child can reach his or her potential, and the mother is able to see that, but do you see also how my mother's mother, because she had a vision, she could see him away from the wrong path, you know, and steer him towards the right path. And if you're not clear in the first place, you won't know where to steer that child. Another example is the mother of a mumble hottie. She was the one who used to take him for the long walk to his teacher, you know, to his Hadith classes. She was the
one who made the art for him, that he would not be blind, right that Allah would restore his sight to him. We know that the art of the mother and the father, the daughter of the parents is answered, it's one of the daughters that is answered, And subhanAllah we see in the Quran. There are so many doors of parents for their children, the dua of Zakariya for his child, the daughter of the mother of Madame alayhis salam for Maria and as I mentioned the beautiful Rabbana hablan Amin as well Gina was Maria Tina Kurata Yan was your l&l cleaner II mama. Robin, I haven't done that oh Allah bestow upon us of from our spouses and our children, our progeny, not just our children, though, even
future progeny, the coolness of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous. When I was reading the Tafseer of this, da, I wondered, you know, what does it mean coolness of my eyes? Does it just mean just feel happy? Because of that. The scholars said that coolness of the eyes means that because you raise them and Allah subhanaw taala makes them righteous. When you see them do acts of worship in front of you. It makes your heart feel conjoined. Yeah, you know, and that's what you're asking for in that dua. So, I think the Quran is full of beautiful though ours that we can
make for our children. But there's nothing like the DUA that comes from the heart. So as a mother, as a father, when you go through those tough times when, you know, if your child is ill, or you have some, some setback, or something that you're worried about, never feel shy to just talk to Allah about it, and to beg Allah to guide and protect your child. But going back to the point about vision, a when you have a child, and you see a child has certain ability, as a mother, as a father, you wish to encourage that more. So if you see a child, for example, who is really quick in memorizing certain words, phrases, or nursery rhymes, you think, you know, that child has got very
good talent to memorize Saurus. So what am I going to focus on, there's nothing wrong with memorizing rhymes. But for a believer, we have to be more like, you know, ambitious, you know, and we have to be thinking not just for the dunya, we have to be thinking about the accuracy. So when you recognize that this child has the ability to memorize things quickly, start them on with memorization of the Quran. It doesn't have to be one, two, from the time they can memorize things, you know, get them started. And then you can build on build on that. But then you have to think okay, what do I want for this child to achieve? The child doesn't know because the child is not you
know, you know, McCullough, you as a parent, you can have a vision and that child would buy into your vision later on because the child is exposed to everything to do with the Quran, memorization. So that's how we kind of nurtured them towards the way that we think they they need to go because as parents we are given the trust. So we have to do our best in facilitating that for our children. And that starts with vision. When you have that vision, you will try to have goals that are in line with your vision. And I think having a vision as a family unit as well is so important because you can carry on reminding each other of that vision instead of because sometimes you know we get busy with
day to day life with nursery run school runs and sometimes it's easy to forget that vision and
You know, become so busy so as a you know, a husband and wife, and even, you know, older children having that, you know, like you said, sit down, and you know, dinner or whatever it is and just reminding each other of, you know, the vision and purpose is so, so important.
Going back to the door of a mother and father, how important is the dua of a mother and father,
you know, for our children when we spoke about the righteousness of the parent and how because, you know, a parent is righteous that affects, you know, the children. So, how did that play into that?
Do you know what I think number one is, you know, different stages in my life when I had a very momentous task to do or difficult journey to embark on. The first form of preparation would be dua, so things like I remember I had to go on hydrogen, I had to take my son with him and it was just like one of those genuine people telling me how to stop waiting in line with the, but it was what it was, and I thought, You know what, I'm gonna actually start with the door. You know, with memorization, again, you ask Allah for his aid, because without his aid we lost. Similarly, you want your child to be a believer, you have to make dua, so that Allah helps you and guide you. And I
think dua is one of the primary resource that we need to turn to before we do anything else. Because unless Allah gives us the Tofig, we are unable from the get go, right? And you're turning to the one who can actually make a difference. You know what I mean? Like we think of turning to everyone else, a doctor when we think of turning to teachers, we think of hiring tutors we think of everything else, right? But actually, the one being who can actually make a difference and make a change is Allah. So I think, you know, making dua is one of the most powerful means that a parent has to change the direction of their child's life. In a any final points before we end the show.
I was going to say when you look at the people of the cave before they did anything, they start to make a door. What was the door button emulating Kurama tawa Hey, Nana mean, I'm Rena Rashida. So you will find this thing would come again and again in the Quran that the people they would start off with making dua because that's the first call.
We're talking about raising believers. So I think if you look at the dua of all of the prophets, you know, and that's something that we've already mentioned, you know,
Robitussin name Okay. Masala Tea woman Maria Tierra banaba Taco Bell dua, dua of Ibrahim alayhi, salam, you just see that theme running throughout, constantly asking Allah, Oh Allah, make my child righteous, make my progeny righteous, you're the one who has their hearts in your hand. So
you guide them, it's not me, it's you. And so I think when we put that in Allah's hands and we recognize that it's actually Allah Who does, guiding
in a way you said to Allah, Allah you do to be out of my child.
That's all we have time for. For this episode. Zack Lockhart, you both for joining us, and I cannot wait to carry on in the next episode insha Allah Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah.