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Muslim Parenting – Tips for Lockdown

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Fatima Barkatulla

Channel: Fatima Barkatulla

Episode Notes

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Episode Transcript

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bIllahi min ash shaytani R rajim Bismillah r Rahmani Raheem Dear brothers and sisters As salam o Allah, Allah He were Barakatuh

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I am Fatima baraka to Allah, your usual host with

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him LV podcast. Many of you may know me from the LV podcast. And today I'm at home on this Facebook Live session.

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And, as I'm sure you're all aware,

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we're all kind of at home at the moment, we're all trying to either self isolate or

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do the right thing be responsible

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during the COVID 19 pandemic, that has gripped not just the nation, not just Britain, where I am, but the world.

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And so in light of the current situation, and in light of some of the challenges that families like mine, and yours are facing all over the world, I thought that this would be inshallah a beneficial session for us to have, you know,

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a little space, perhaps, for us to think about to reflect on, and to come up with some insights and ideas about how we can keep our family strong, and the well being of our families in these challenging times. So

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I don't know how it is in the, in the part of the world that you're in. But here in London, certainly, you know, it's been about a week,

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things were fine, you know, it's life was going on as normal. In my own family, I had a son who was about to do his A levels, right? A level exams, which is what you do before you go to university, I love a son who was about to do his GCSEs which are what you do before you do your A levels.

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So everyone was really poised for action, you know, literally the next. In the next few weeks, there was a big build up coming for the final exams. As a university student, myself, I had exams I had an essay to hand in, you know, everything was all very meticulously planned, as I'm sure things are in your life as well.

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And then suddenly, suddenly, or at least it seemed as though because all of a sudden, we have this news, and our whole reality, our whole kind of normal suddenly changes.

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And

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for my family, at least some of the changes that have taken place, and I'm going to share them with you so that, you know, hopefully, by sharing this, you can see that we're all in this together really Subhanallah you know,

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the GCSE has got cancelled, a level exams got canceled.

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schools closed.

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People were told, if you have a cough, or if you have, you know, any kind of flu symptoms, especially a cough or, or a fever, they should stay at home, they should not mix with people self isolate.

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And then the members of their family as well. Their members of their households for 14 days should also stay at home. Alright.

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Slowly but surely, restaurants have closed.

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We're being told what to go on the London Underground.

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Everything that was normal to us everything that we took for granted that perhaps we never even thought about suddenly, was kind of pulled from under our feet now and I think that's how a lot of us are feeling you know, it does feel as though the structure that all the things that we put that we have around us, you know, that we take for granted. Suddenly that rug is has just been pulled from under your feet. And you're now looking at everyday mundane things and asking yourself, what's the new normal? You know, how am I supposed to respond to this? How will my family adapt to this? And then we hear that, you know, these lockdowns and these self isolation and this new kind of

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social distancing. And these measures will take place perhaps and need to take place for weeks if

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Not months SubhanAllah.

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And I can only imagine the impact that it's having on your family

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based on some of the impact that it's had on my own family, right.

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Something else that's really been heartbreaking for Muslims for us is

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the fact that the mosques, you know, have had to cancel. Juma prayers have had to prevent gatherings. Some of them have even closed down, right, like literally close their doors, some mosques, you know, small group of brothers will carry on praying,

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just to keep the symbolism of the message of the live

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all of those kinds of measures, you know, seeing the Haram empty.

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It's heartbreaking for us, as believers, right? Subhan, Allah, the Messiah that empty the houses of Allah.

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What, what is this? What is this thing that we're experiencing? What is this in particular, right, this test that we're experiencing that, that means that

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we have been kind of denied

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the houses of Allah subhanaw taala. And I know that, like me, and my family,

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your family will be impacted by all of this, you know, and I'm sure you might have had a wobbly moment or two, especially in the early days, I know I did.

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And that's to be expected, because Subhanallah we're human beings, we're human beings, we like certainty. We like things being put into boxes into categories we like, we like knowing what's about to happen. And what's happened. We like routine. And so when that routine is kind of pulled away from us for a moment, where like, Where do I stand now? Right? It's kind of like a loss of status almost. Right? Subhanallah

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some of us will be not feeling very well. That's another obviously put an element in this, you know, I myself, I was ill last week.

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So I had flu symptoms, I believe it it was just, you know, a cold weather because I had cough and the flu symptoms I I complied with.

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I mean, you don't put a tiny in.

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Who is Boris Johnson, right. And his advice, which was to stay at home for seven days. And then obviously, 14 days as well.

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So when we're not feeling 100%, as well, you know, we've we're feeling ill, or family members are ill, we can't meet, you know, maybe our elders, who we meet every week, family members, extended family, you know, cousins, all of this, it's all been impacted. And then the shop, the shops, you know, the panic buying this kind of irrational panic buying that suddenly started taking place, right?

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I mean, I remember going to a shop and needing to get some essential things and literally shelves being completely empty. Like, not even one thing left on some shelves, right?

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So it's it's bringing out a weird kind of ruinous to people's instincts, right? This instinct to survive

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and overreact, actually, you know, to some of

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the,

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I can imagine that, like me, you've had moments where you felt overwhelmed. You know, your children are looking at you for answers.

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Everyone around you is relying on you, especially if your mom or your dad, right, you know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us that all of you are shepherds, and all of you are responsible for your flocks. And the man is a shepherd over his family. Right? The woman is a shepherd s over her household, her husband's household. So naturally, there is a type of leadership that's needed from every single one of us, right. SubhanAllah. So, in this session, I hope that we can just start

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thinking about some of the ways that we can powerfully respond in this difficult time, right? Because there's two ways to respond to any situation. My dear brothers and sisters, you

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can either be reactive, right? And respond with your basest instincts, your lowest desires, your lowest self, right? Or you can respond powerfully, you can respond in a way that empowers others, empowers yourself, and is true to the nature of being a believer. And that's what we want to do, right?

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So the first idea I want to share with you, and the first thing, I think, after the kind of initial shock of everything being closed, and suddenly, you know, my children feeling kind of left completely without structure and,

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you know, things being canceled lectures going online, and everything just changing. After the initial shock, I think, the question that I was really asking myself,

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and I invite you to ask yourself this question as well is,

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what can I be grateful for?

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What can I be grateful for, in this situation? Because Subhan Allah, dear brothers and sisters, we have so much to be grateful for, you know, okay, so the structure has changed. So there's a new, normal, and humbly love, and Hamdulillah, we are alive, we have the gift of life, and Hamdulillah we are safe, our families are safe. We have means of communication. Subhanallah, just just look at this. I mean, I'm speaking to you, from my home in London. And there, there are going to be 1000s of you all across the world. You can hear what I have to say. So this idea of social isolation isn't really 100 is it's not really the type of isolation that people in the past would have had to

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experience. Right? We have running water Alhamdulillah

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we have all our basic needs met, we're safe. No, it's not a situation of war. Can you imagine what it would be like, if a war broke out? Subhanallah you know, so, I think it's really, really important for all of us

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to just really think about what there is to be grateful for, and to highlight that to our children as well. Because, you know, we live in a time where we're encouraged to complain a lot. We're encouraged to have a kind of a complaining culture, a culture of calling people out a culture of,

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you know, shaming and telling people what they're doing wrong and complaining, complaining and complaining, right?

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What about the beauty that's around us? What about the blessings that we still have? Let us draw our own attention and our children's and our family's attention to those, to those beautiful blessings. You know, I was watching a documentary that I encourage you to go and watch this documentary, it's on YouTube, I believe, and on BBC iPlayer. It's a BBC documentary about a Spanish Influenza,

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right, which was not Spanish, but for some reason, it was like, called the Spanish Influenza.

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It took place in around 1918. So like 100 years ago, right. And it was a pandemic is spread all across the world. And it was right at the tail end of World War One, which meant that hundreds of 1000s of people, right of soldiers died.

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And this was 100 years ago, just 100 years ago. And just watching that documentary, you'll see

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Subhanallah What a difference 100 years has made in terms of the advancement of science, of human understanding of viruses and pandemics and you know, Subhan Allah, and the ability to respond. The fact that 100 years ago, there was no national health service, there was not even a Ministry of Health. Right? And subhanAllah things have changed. And we are so blessed. We are so blessed. Dear brothers and sisters, let us be cognizant of that. Now, let's not lose sight of the blessings that are around us and the things we have to be grateful for. So really, the first question I would ask you to ask yourself and to bring forward in your family, right to bring this up in your family and

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talk to your children about is what can we be grateful for him

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Lila say Alhamdulillah say Alhamdulillah from the bottom of your heart, a true Alhamdulillah Praise be to Allah for those for those blessings.

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The second

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question that I want you to ask yourself, and this is a difficult one.

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It's not easy to ask yourself this question. But it's so important. And that is the question.

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How can I be a role model? In this situation?

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How can I be a role model in this situation? I know there will be times when you don't feel like being a role model. You feel like falling apart, you feel like having your wobbly moments, right? Fine. You know, you're a human being. We all have those wobbly moments. But for the believer, Subhan Allah, Allah Subhana Allah, Allah, what did he tell us? Or what did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam tell us, he said wondrous is the affair of the believer. Wondrous is the affair of the believer. His affair is all good for him. Because when he's tested his patient, and that's good for him. And when things are going well, for him, he will be grateful. Right? And that will be good for

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him.

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So, as believers, we've got to ask ourselves, How can I be a role model in this situation? Subhanallah reflect on our mother, woman and woman for the job, or the Alana, just reflect for a moment on her. And the things that we praise her for their brothers and sisters. What do we praise her for? We praise her. And we recognize her for being the one who stood by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam through thick and thin.

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Who, although she lost her worldly status, subhanAllah right. She was like a celebrity. She was like, you know, like the princess of her time, right of us of her town and her city and her people.

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And by

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my standing with the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam and his message, what happened to she suddenly lost her status, right, her worldly status.

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Can you imagine how that must have felt? You know, that feeling that we're feeling of the rug being pulled from under us? You know that if she experienced that times 10 times 100. Right.

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Where her family were literally boycotted her family are targeted.

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And through all of that, what was the quality that for the gehad? That was just so amazing. For the Jetta Villa Anna. She was the pillar of strength in her family. She was the one who kept who held the fort, right? She was holding that thought to brothers and sisters. When people around her were losing their heads, right literally were not able to, to comprehend what was happening, you know, and then there was a time even when the prophets Allah, Allah when he was selling the Messenger of Allah salAllahu alayhi wa sallam himself, couldn't fully comprehend what was happening.

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She was the one who kept her cool. She was the one who asked herself, what is the correct next next step? She was the one who took him to what aka we know from right Subhan Allah. So I asked you and I asked myself, can we honor our mother for vija truly honor, you know the legacy of those great companions of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe, salam, and our messenger and follow in their footsteps by being true role models in this situation. Because whether you like it or not, dear brothers and sisters, you are a role model, your role model your role model to your kids, they're watching you. society around us is watching us history. History will judge us, dear brothers and sisters,

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regarding how we respond in these next few weeks in these next few months. Right?

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Allah subhanaw taala creator is watching us and he'll recognize every single act that we do act of being a role model. So I ask you, brothers and sisters to ask yourself, How can I be a role model in this situation? You know, and in order to do that, you might need to distance yourself a little bit

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from the continuous media coverage, you know, of the situation, right? Just distance yourself a little bit

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You don't need to check up on it every minute, believe me, you don't need to, okay? It ain't gonna change. Because you keep checking up on it every few seconds, right? Perhaps have a time in the day when you can, you know, check up just to know what's going on what the latest advice is definitely, you know, do that and follow the latest advice.

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But don't be continuously pond into it. Don't become obsessed with it. Right?

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And that's necessary, that kind of a little bit of distance is necessary for us if we are going to be role models, right? In this situation? How can we be like for the job of the learner? How can we keep our heads when everyone around us is losing? There's

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the third question or area that I would like you to reflect on, in responding powerfully, and helping our Family Well Being in this situation is,

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you know, brothers and sisters, this is when the theory of our knowledge

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comes up in and manifests itself as action. Right? Yeah, you say you believe in Allah, I say that I believe ALLAH is in control. Right? I say, I believe that Allah is the rub. Allah is Allah has the greatest names and attributes. We will say that with our tongues, but It's situations like this Dear brothers and sisters, in which the reality about human needs to shine through the reality of whether we really believe those things that we say we believe, are going to come out.

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So bring that theory that's in your head, all that theory, all that studying all that all those courses, all those wonderful lectures that you've studied, and all that knowledge that you have,

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let that now come forth as action, let it manifest itself in the reality around you. Right, the people around you feel it.

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And

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so I asked you, you know, what is the reality of your Eman?

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Do you really believe that Allah is in control?

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If Allah is in control, then what do you have to worry about? What do you have to be obsessed about? If there's anything good that was meant to come to us, it will come to us. You know, perhaps your plans have been set back a few months, maybe even a year. And for some people, you know, maybe their plans have been changed completely, forever.

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But it was always ever thus. Yeah, only Allah subhanaw taala had written this.

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And if there's anything that you're meant to achieve, you will achieve it. You might not achieve it in exactly the same way that you had wanted to achieve it. But

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if Allah has written it for you, you will achieve it.

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Had no fear of that, you know, whatever was meant to come to you, and we'll come to you, whatever blessings whatever goodness.

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And when we say we believe that, you know, in Nama and also the use of the hardship or with hardship comes ease. We say that with our tongues, and it's in the Quran.

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Do you really believe it?

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Are we living that reality? In the way we're responding to this?

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Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the Quran Dear Brothers and Sisters, while I'm Abberley Wanda Combi che Minal Houthi while jewelry one occurs in mineral unworldly will unfussy what firmer rot why Bashir is Siberian he says and we will test you we will have assurity test you there is so much emphasis in this phrase well another one that can be Shea mineral healthy with something or fear you're not gonna get up get away from this life without experiencing this Allah is telling us right? Something of fear. You can experience times of fear

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while you a and hunger

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we're not Seminole, I'm worldly while I'm full swift summer Thammarat. You're going to experience a loss of some sort right or loss in your wealth perhaps, you know, people are upset because the stock markets are affected.

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Prices of things are being affected. There's so much uncertainty regarding their jobs.

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When XML and wireless will enforce and loss of lives, some of us are going to experience people in our families.

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We will lose their lives and our loved ones.

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With summer art and the fruits of our efforts, right, perhaps you're working on a project and suddenly now it's can spin can't. Right? Perhaps you're working towards your GCSEs your A levels

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and you really wanted to prove yourself, you're gonna get those A's, you're gonna get those eight stars on those nines. And now, everything is going to be based on your mock exams and things that you

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perhaps you didn't work your best towards, right? Subhanallah

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a loss is a type of loss, right?

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Well, Bashir is Sabeti. And Allah says, well, Bashir is slavery and give glad tidings to the Saberi in the patient, but who are these patient ones?

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A Lavina. Eval saw that one we'll see but oh call in LA he was in LA he Roger on

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those sabe roll. And remember, when we say saga or somebody who is patient, Allah, Allah is saying give glad tidings to the patient. Patients here doesn't just mean quietly curling up and, you know,

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allowing this experience to wash over you that's that's not what we mean by patients. Sober means continuing to obey Allah through this hardship. It means continuing to stay away from Allah subhanaw taala is prohibitions through this hardship.

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And it means continuing to be a believer, continuing,

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patiently persevering, powerfully persevering their brothers and sisters, and being the sort of person who, when a difficulty or calamity befalls them, you might have your wobbly moment, but then you bring yourself together and you remind yourself and the people around you in law, he was a nice lady Rajmohan

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we belong to Allah anyway. Whatever he is allowing us to experience we belong to him anyway. He can do what he wants

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Subhan Allah, Allah, and it was ever thus, we only had the illusion that we were in control, right? We only experienced the illusion that we are in control, my dear brothers and sisters. In reality, Allah was always in control.

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That rug that was under our feet, it was put there by Allah, the structures around us in society that we hold on to, and we feel so safe, because of those structures.

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reality itself

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was all put there by our last panel that Allah right.

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And so we remind ourselves that in nine Allah he will email you Rajon to Allah, we belong. And to him, we're all going to return. This life is not forever, and it never was going to be forever. It doesn't matter whether you thought it was going to be forever. And whether you are living as though you're going to live forever. The reality is that

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me and you, dear brothers and sisters, we belong to Allah.

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Our lives belong to Allah. Our children don't even belong to us. Our children belong to Allah. And

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it's times like this, situations like this, that suddenly even the most atheist of atheists, right, is forced

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to take a look and realize that actually,

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someone else is in control.

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You know, things can change for you in the blink of an eye. Right? A tiny virus, or microscopic, being that, you know, scientists don't even know if it's alive or dead, right? It's kind of a category in between life and death, life and object.

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Matter. Subhanallah you know,

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such a tiny, tiny, tiny object, such a tiny being, Allah can send it and cause the whole world to shut down.

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who is all powerful? their brothers and sisters Subhanallah who is all powerful? Who can change our situation, their brothers and sisters? In the blink of an eye? It's Allah subhanaw taala and these situations they show us they prove to us

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that Subhan Allah it was Allah subhanaw taala who's keeping

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things afloat. It was Allah subhanaw taala, who was keeping the structure in place.

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And if he chose to take any part of that structure away, we suddenly feel so insecure. Look how weak we are as human beings. Look how needy we are. We need a lot. We need Allah, we need our Creator.

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And so, dear brothers and sisters allow all of that knowledge you have about Allah, all of the Aqeedah. You have all of that Eman.

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Let it manifest itself. You know, the proof is in the eating right, the proof of the pudding is in the eating is it's in your actions, the proof of your Eman is now going to come out. So

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put that theory that Aqeedah that knowledge that demand that you have, let it come out and let it

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inform your actions and your words in this time. The fourth idea that I would like to share with you, dear brothers and sisters is

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you know, in every single setback,

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there is an opportunity as well. Depends on how you want to look at it. Right? In every setback, there is an opportunity.

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I want you to ask yourself, How can me and my family?

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How can we benefit from this time? What opportunities have presented themselves in this time that perhaps weren't there? Or we weren't very cognizant of, because of the fact that we're so busy in our usual structures of life, right.

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And you will see, dear brothers and sisters, that opportunities have opened up for us as believers as Muslims in this society to serve opportunities to reach out to our neighbors, you know, opportunities to build bridges, bridges,

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opportunity acts actually also to focus on what's really important.

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Don't you feel sometimes brothers and sisters that when we're living the busyness of life,

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right, the rat race Subhanallah, you know, literally, every day, crammed into these tube trains, on our way in these little boxes, whizzing through the city, right? That's what our lives become.

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Don't you think sometimes we lose sight of the important things, we lose sight of the beautiful things around us. Right, we lose sight of what's important.

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And so this is a time for us now. But Allah subhanaw taala has forced us all forced us all to slow down, forced us all to kind of change our normal everyday life. Right. Your modus operandi has to change now, right?

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Isn't it a great time for us to start thinking actually what's really important?

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What does my family actually need,

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you know, in order to spiritually feed ourselves,

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mentally feed ourselves and keep ourselves afloat, and thriving.

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I've seen brothers and sisters be very, very resourceful in this time, you know, subhanAllah, my, my son usually has a helicopter, which some brothers do in the area. And instead of canceling the Halacha, because, you know, we shouldn't be gathering socially. In that way. They actually went on Zoom online, and they had the hell up online, as like a giant conference call type thing, right? You could do that.

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Perhaps this is a time when you know, we can't meet our grandparents, our parents, maybe we can start instituting a online family Halaqa. Right. Where literally each household you know, maybe if you've got siblings, cousins, etc. Each household dials in and one person, the elder of the family, maybe grandfather, maybe somebody else can hold a halacha

00:34:24--> 00:34:31

at least once a week. Right. And just as a reminder for everyone, for everyone to continue to feel connected.

00:34:33--> 00:34:39

This is the time for that. Dear brothers and sisters. Start your own online family helper.

00:34:41--> 00:34:48

And just think just use your own resourcefulness to think of ways that we can actually benefit from this time. Right.

00:34:51--> 00:34:59

One of the things I plan to do is, you know hamdulillah Allah subhanaw taala blessed us with the internet, right? Can you imagine

00:35:00--> 00:35:07

Going through this without that kind of social connection via the internet, I mean, would have been even harder, right?

00:35:09--> 00:35:20

I'm planning on perhaps getting a online tutor and, you know, revising, revising some micron, or getting something like that set up for my children, right?

00:35:22--> 00:35:41

Just think of all the ways in which you could change the way that you're going to go forward, and perhaps even benefit from the situation, right? And find even better ways to carry on doing the things that you were doing, but also to do even more.

00:35:43--> 00:36:03

And realize that one of the ways, brothers and sisters, you know, we always want to teach our kids lessons, right, we buy the books, we tell them stories, we try to drum certain values into them, what could be better than this kind of real life situation, to help build resilience in our children?

00:36:05--> 00:36:16

You know, because Subhanallah this is kind of a once in a lifetime type experience. And if they can go through this, and we can help them see their way through this.

00:36:17--> 00:36:50

And help them be strong through this. Right, because you know, life, the world, you can't protect your children from the world, you can't protect them from the trials and the suffering of life. But what you can do is you can help build their resilience, you can help them to be more courageous increase their level of courage, their bravery, their resourcefulness, right? If we can help our children in this time to build their resilience, then it would have been an opportunity

00:36:51--> 00:36:59

for them to learn something, but later on in life, when we're not their brothers and sisters, and we're not going to be there for our children forever.

00:37:01--> 00:37:08

They will have the means the tools within themselves, to deal with the challenges and the trials of life.

00:37:09--> 00:37:22

This is the opportunity this is like, you know you have on the job training, right? This is on the job training. This isn't theory anymore. It's it's reality. It's life.

00:37:24--> 00:37:28

And we get to teach our children on the job.

00:37:31--> 00:37:35

Then the other question I want you to ask yourself in this tough time is

00:37:39--> 00:37:53

what should I be learning? You know, from, from the lessons of what we're experiencing? What could I be learning? What could my family be reflecting on? What is Allah subhanaw taala pointing out to us?

00:37:54--> 00:37:57

Subhanallah you know, Allah subhanaw taala is showing us

00:37:59--> 00:38:07

or we can we can see from this situation, our utter dependence upon Allah, our utter dependence upon Allah.

00:38:09--> 00:38:16

You know, it's a time when we could reflect and think about taking full responsibility for our sins.

00:38:17--> 00:38:24

You know, brothers and sisters, we commit sins day and night, small and big.

00:38:26--> 00:38:58

How many times do we repent? How aware are we? How self aware? Are we? You know, what are those weaknesses? We make so many excuses, make so many excuses for not obeying Allah? Why do we do that? And then we expect Allah subhanaw taala to keep blessing us. Allah Subhana Allah blessed us with masajid He blessed us with our lives. He blessed us to live in safety and security.

00:39:00--> 00:39:11

And how do we respond? we disobey Him. We use the very resources that Allah gave us to disobey Him with those very resources.

00:39:13--> 00:39:15

And we expect there to be

00:39:17--> 00:39:20

nothing but goodness in return, right.

00:39:21--> 00:39:41

Brothers and sisters, this is a time for us to repent. This is a time for us to ask Allah to forgive us for our shortcomings, for our spoilt. pneus you know, subhanAllah we are spoiled. We really are spoiled. Especially those of us who live in the West. You know, sometimes we act like spoiled brats.

00:39:42--> 00:39:46

And we need to realize that it's a type of ingratitude.

00:39:48--> 00:39:53

Dear Brothers and Sisters is a time for us to repent. Time for us to be introspective.

00:39:55--> 00:40:00

Fix up, brothers and sisters fix up your household. fix up your

00:40:00--> 00:40:09

own personal life, your own household, your family, and then from there onwards, fix up your community.

00:40:11--> 00:40:29

We need to become people of Tober people will make you repent to Allah, we won't stop making mistakes, but we can become sensitive to those mistakes, right? And then we can fix ourselves. So that Allah subhanaw taala is not angry with us.

00:40:32--> 00:40:38

So ask yourself, dear brothers and sisters, what should I be learning? What lessons should I be learning from the situation

00:40:39--> 00:40:49

and take responsibility for your shortcomings take responsibility for the sins and the things that are not right in your family, and start to fix those up.

00:40:52--> 00:40:56

The sixth idea that I want to share with you dear brothers and sisters is

00:40:59--> 00:41:06

you know, when the structure and the routine of life has been pulled away from you, you've got to create your own structure.

00:41:07--> 00:41:27

So use this time to be resourceful create structure, create a routine for your family, you know, human beings thrive. From routine, we even have an in a kind of a body clock, right, that runs on routine. And it likes routine. So dear brothers and sisters, dear brothers and sisters,

00:41:28--> 00:41:29

please

00:41:30--> 00:41:40

create a routine for your family. You know, it shouldn't be the case that your kids are waking up every day and staying in their pajamas all day, right? And you as well, right?

00:41:42--> 00:41:55

Create that routine, even if you're having to stay at home, yes, we're going to have a certain time when we wake up, there's going to be a certain time for breakfast, right? There's going to be a certain time for everyone has to be ready by x o'clock. Right?

00:41:56--> 00:42:11

We're going to have a timetable. Okay, make it a flexible timetable doesn't have to be extremely rigid, but having some kind of timetable. And Dear mothers out there, you know, subhanAllah, we have to be so organized.

00:42:12--> 00:42:30

And I often say to sisters, make family your finest project, dear sisters, make family, your finest project, you know, the best businesses and companies? What happens when there's uncertainty? Right? They're able to adapt.

00:42:31--> 00:43:22

The CEO will call in a meeting a family meeting, right? And they'll have a family meeting and they'll discuss how they're going to get through this tough time. Right? How are they going to get over these massive waves that are crushing against them. And the best businesses are the ones who are able to adapt, and then get through the hardship and come out the other side. And they may have changed during that time. But they're so adaptable and resilient. Now they come out. And sometimes they come out even stronger, right? Well, dear sisters, dear brothers, you are the CEOs of your families. Right? Our families are like a company. They're like a project 100%. In fact, they deserve

00:43:22--> 00:43:55

more attention than the average business or project, right? So if you're the CEO of your family, you should be having a family meeting, right? Just like the CEO would be having a family meeting, we'd be having a meeting with his team, right? And pulling everyone's best resources together. And getting everyone to realize the challenges that are lying ahead and remind everyone of the vision of their family. Have you ever talked to your family about your family's vision?

00:43:56--> 00:44:00

What is all this about? What's all the effort that you keep putting into life about?

00:44:03--> 00:44:18

I would encourage you dear brothers and sisters if you haven't already done it, to have a family meeting and to spell out what is the purpose of our family? What is the vision of our family? And I would encourage you to make your vision,

00:44:19--> 00:44:32

the pleasure of Allah. We want to be a family that pleases Allah, a family that Allah subhanaw taala is happy with that serves Allah's being on this earth

00:44:33--> 00:44:59

and ultimately a family who will go to Jannah. That should be the vision of our families, the most essential vision, and then there'll be specific things that your family cares about, that you can mention in that meeting. Realign everybody in your family with that vision. So important the brothers and sisters because the vision of your family acts like a guiding

00:45:00--> 00:45:11

Start, right, that you can look to when there is chaos all around. And it will continue to guide you. Right continue to motivate everybody.

00:45:13--> 00:45:22

And to realize that you know what, this too shall pass. This too shall pass. doesn't feel like it at the moment.

00:45:23--> 00:45:28

It feels like it's gonna last forever Subhan Allah, may Allah protect us, may Allah protect us.

00:45:30--> 00:45:46

But actually, you know, one day we're going to look back at this time, we're going to say, Hey, do you remember that virus? Know that thing that happened? And yeah, Subhan Allah will just be a little blip, a little blip in our lives.

00:45:47--> 00:45:59

You know, at the moment, it doesn't feel like that. But one day, we will look back to your brothers and sisters. And we will ask, and people will ask, our grandchildren will ask, how did you respond

00:46:01--> 00:46:04

when that virus thing happened, when that pandemic happened.

00:46:07--> 00:46:19

So the brothers and sisters, create structure, create a routine, realign your family with its Vision, right with your family vision,

00:46:20--> 00:46:33

and have that family meeting. And you might need to have that family meeting regularly to keep everybody aligned, right, to remind everybody what's going to be needed of them now in the next few weeks and months.

00:46:35--> 00:46:47

The seventh idea I'd like to share with you. And I'm hoping that you're finding these ideas and these thoughts to be things that are kind of like mindset shifts that could help you and your family, with your well being

00:46:49--> 00:46:50

you is you know,

00:46:51--> 00:46:57

me to listen to our children, and help them through this. Help them think through this.

00:46:59--> 00:47:09

I don't know about you, my my own daughter found it very difficult to accept that school has suddenly been closed, right? She's not going to meet her friends, her teacher.

00:47:11--> 00:47:17

And so Pamela, you know, for children, that can be very difficult, it can be very difficult for them to accept.

00:47:18--> 00:47:25

And I can only imagine what it must be like for kids who were in year six, which is the year before they leave school

00:47:27--> 00:47:41

to now not even have had a decent goodbye, right? And they're going to be going off to big school Subhanallah, you know, our our children, they, you know, they have hearts, they they feel the emotions,

00:47:42--> 00:47:57

and the loss of friendship, the loss, and the huge impact of change, you know, so it's really important that we give them a chance to speak, we give them a chance to tell us how they're feeling to tell us

00:47:59--> 00:48:18

how this whole incident is occurring for them? Do they actually understand what it is? Do they understand what it's all about? You know, they might have some misunderstandings actually about what's going on, because they've been exposed to the news and cetera. But they might have fears, it's really important that we give them that space,

00:48:19--> 00:48:24

a little bit of time every day to talk to them. Let them reflect on what

00:48:25--> 00:48:42

what's bothering them, you know, and help them see through it. Because isn't it the case? Dear Brothers and Sisters, most of the things that we get worried about most of the things that we're, you know, we overreact to, or that we act like it's the end of the world

00:48:43--> 00:48:49

are things that actually it's, it's the stories that we tell ourselves about those things, right.

00:48:50--> 00:49:23

So if we were to tell ourselves a more empowering story, right, we were to interpret events in a more empowering way. We could see through those events in a more empowering way. And that's really the tool that we want, we want to gift our children with, right? We want them to be able to see through this in a powerful way. So again, that's not going to happen unless we give them a chance to talk to us to express to us

00:49:24--> 00:49:36

how they're feeling and help them think through their problems and find solutions to those problems and hopefully that will serve them throughout their lives.

00:49:40--> 00:49:53

Also to reassure them, you know, their brothers and sisters, you know, we shouldn't be the panic mongers. Now, we should be the ones who will say to our kids, you know what, it's okay.

00:49:55--> 00:49:59

School is gonna open again and Charma little way down the line. How can we

00:50:00--> 00:50:05

Is this time remember that thing that we always wanted to work on? Let's let's do that.

00:50:06--> 00:50:17

Remember that area that we were neglecting all those books that we've always wanted to read? Let's focus on those during this time, right?

00:50:22--> 00:50:25

The eighth idea that I want to share with you is,

00:50:26--> 00:50:39

do your brothers and sisters use this time to increase in your Ibadah increase in dua, in calling upon Allah. Some of you might have seen the little

00:50:40--> 00:50:41

home feed podcast clip,

00:50:42--> 00:51:17

on the feed, podcast, clip channel, I believe, or could be on the YouTube channel in which I was talking about how my mother taught us all about a lot through dua. Write, dear brothers and sisters, gather your families together, this is the time for the right. Gather your family together and raise your hands, let your children raise their hands, teach them how to talk to Allah. Do you know brothers and sisters, there are so many

00:51:18--> 00:51:22

Muslims that you meet who don't know how to talk to Allah?

00:51:24--> 00:51:36

Can you imagine what a loss that is? They have never been taught or they have they just never nobody has ever modeled for them. How do you talk to your Creator?

00:51:37--> 00:51:41

Right? One of our teachers Subhan Allah, may Allah reward him.

00:51:42--> 00:51:43

He used to say to us,

00:51:45--> 00:52:05

when you talk to Allah, when you cry to Allah, when you ask Allah for something, you should ask him, like a two year old. Right SubhanAllah. And what he meant by that is, you know the way a two year old will cry, and will not let you go until you give him what he wants.

00:52:06--> 00:52:12

And the two year old knows that you can give him the thing that they want, right? Now they'll do anything.

00:52:14--> 00:52:19

You need to be like that. You need to be crying need to be a broken person.

00:52:20--> 00:52:25

Come to the door of the king, Allah subhanaw taala begging him.

00:52:26--> 00:52:34

But so many of our brothers and sisters, when you ask them, when they think about us talking to Allah, they don't know where to start.

00:52:36--> 00:52:39

Do your children, their brothers and sisters know how to talk to Allah?

00:52:42--> 00:52:59

Because, you know, subhanAllah we prepare them in so many ways for their futures. Maybe we've set up an investment fund for them, maybe we've got this wonderful savings, maybe we're gathering up some gold for our daughters, you know, make so many preparations for their lives and their futures.

00:53:00--> 00:53:01

But guess what?

00:53:02--> 00:53:12

There's a helpline that they have 24 hours a day, seven days a week that they will be able to access when you're not here, when I'm not here anymore.

00:53:14--> 00:53:15

And that is Allah subhanaw taala.

00:53:17--> 00:53:46

And can you imagine if throughout their whole childhoods, we never taught them how to talk to Allah. Can you imagine what admit what an act of neglect that is? Subhanallah so dear brothers and sisters, hold your hands up with your children. Teach them how to talk to Allah, in your language. Yes, in your language, in English, whatever your whatever you know, the main language of the family is

00:53:48--> 00:53:49

talk to Allah in that language.

00:53:51--> 00:53:52

admit your mistakes.

00:53:54--> 00:54:00

Make Toba show your children how to make Toba show them how to call on Allah by His name's

00:54:01--> 00:54:20

Oh Allah, you are a result of Allah, you are the one who gave us everything. You're the one who keeps this universe running. You design this universe. You even created creatures that Subhan Allah that I can't see.

00:54:22--> 00:54:25

But that can affect human beings in such a profound way.

00:54:26--> 00:54:33

You know, teach your children how to repent, teach your children how to praise Allah, and then teach them how to ask Allah

00:54:35--> 00:54:37

without any barrier without any shame.

00:54:38--> 00:54:48

So many brothers and sisters are too ashamed to speak to Allah because they feel like they've sinned so much. They don't know how to turn back to Allah.

00:54:50--> 00:54:51

What a shame.

00:54:53--> 00:54:59

What a shame that they don't know that they can always turn back to Allah. That we are need of Allah

00:55:00--> 00:55:02

single day dear brothers and sisters

00:55:04--> 00:55:10

and Allah subhanaw taala is showing us that during this time, dear brothers and sisters that

00:55:13--> 00:55:14

whether we admit it or not,

00:55:15--> 00:55:17

we all need him.

00:55:18--> 00:55:19

We all need his help.

00:55:22--> 00:55:26

And it was ever thus we always needed him

00:55:27--> 00:55:35

even when we're acting in an arrogant way, even when we're using the very resources he gave us to disobey him, dear brothers and sisters

00:55:38--> 00:55:42

we still needed Him and we still needed his mercy.

00:55:44--> 00:55:45

So dear brothers and sisters

00:55:47--> 00:56:07

use this time for blah. Allah is forcing us to call on him. No, we neglect calling on Allah we call and everybody else. Everybody's looking to their leaders everybody's looking to and complaining about their prime ministers are complaining about the doctors they might be complaining about the health system.

00:56:09--> 00:56:15

But this is not a time for complaints. This is a time to go

00:56:16--> 00:56:18

like a broken person

00:56:19--> 00:56:26

in front of Allah subhanaw taala and beg him for your mercy for His mercy. Beg him for his mercy.

00:56:27--> 00:56:45

So dear brothers and sisters, use this time to make dua to gather your children round to teach them how to talk to Allah because that's one of the greatest blessings one of the greatest teachings you could teach your children and that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

00:56:49--> 00:56:55

Increasingly Salah, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam when he was in a time of difficulty, what would you do?

00:56:56--> 00:57:00

He said, the coolness of my eyes is in the Salah.

00:57:02--> 00:57:14

Dear brothers and sisters turned to the Salah, turn to the Salah, established the solar in your house, that there'll be somebody making a one. There'll be somebody leading the solar.

00:57:15--> 00:57:16

There'll be

00:57:18--> 00:57:26

collective solar Salah that you all pray and Jamar together if it wasn't something you were doing before, now is the time to do that.

00:57:27--> 00:57:35

And see how that act of praying together is going to bring your hearts together to brothers and sisters bring the hearts of our families together.

00:57:39--> 00:57:48

The ninth area that I want to highlight for all of us dear brothers and sisters in this difficult time is dear brothers and sisters.

00:57:50--> 00:58:06

You know, when you experiencing a trial, sometimes you need to stop thinking too long term and start focusing maybe on the next month with a next sweep getting through the next week getting through the next few weeks. Right.

00:58:07--> 00:58:26

And your time span kind of shrinks, you need to start focusing on the smallest smaller time span, right? When things go back to normal. Hopefully in Charla you can change and start thinking long term. But right now, there's a certain level of short term thinking that needs to take place.

00:58:28--> 00:58:46

And sometimes when we're immersed in that trial or that test, we can stop looking for joyful things. So brothers and sisters, during this time, make sure your children your families are having fun. Make sure that you take advantage of the

00:58:47--> 00:59:10

the beauty around us, right. I know that in Britain, for example, the National Trust has opened up parks for free and gardens, right? Yes, we're supposed to keep our distance socially for people. But we can make the most of the open air. Right? Especially if we don't have illness in our families.

00:59:11--> 00:59:20

We can go out can in those kinds of spaces and keep our distance from people at least to carry on having exercise

00:59:21--> 00:59:39

in those kinds of open spaces, obviously according to whatever the latest advices and we can carry on looking at the beauty around us finding joyous, pleasurable things in everyday life. You know, taking a little moment to ourselves.

00:59:41--> 00:59:42

Whether it's

00:59:43--> 00:59:44

for you know,

00:59:46--> 00:59:51

something fun to do with the family, playing a game together as a family.

00:59:53--> 00:59:59

Don't use this time as a time where you forget the joy Dear brothers and sisters

01:00:00--> 01:00:07

because there are joyful and beautiful things all around us all the time. If only we would notice them, right?

01:00:08--> 01:00:17

Maybe it's time we opened our eyes and notice the most fundamental and most beautiful things that are around us that we take for granted. Right?

01:00:19--> 01:00:23

So please, dear brothers and sisters use this time to infuse joy

01:00:25--> 01:00:38

be be the person who your kids feel positive around, right? Not the person who's always snapping. And yeah, we all have our weak moments. But it's how we recover from those weak moments,

01:00:39--> 01:01:03

we always have a chance to, to apologize, and to make fresh commitments. So do brothers and sisters, please don't zap the joy out of life in these next few weeks, right? Try to find ways of being joyful. Whether that's bringing flowers into the house, whether it's making a nice family meal, just the simple pleasures, playing a game together.

01:01:04--> 01:01:22

Or reading a book, allowing our children to have boredom as well, you know, it's okay to be bored. Some of the greatest ideas in history have come about probably because of some board kid or somewhere, thinking sitting and thinking and reflecting.

01:01:23--> 01:01:23

So.

01:01:25--> 01:01:30

So dear brothers and sisters, let's be a source of joy in our families.

01:01:32--> 01:01:34

And the 10th idea or

01:01:36--> 01:01:44

thought that I really want to leave you with Dear Brothers and Sisters is, you know, sometimes when you're taking care of everyone else,

01:01:45--> 01:01:51

you forget that you're like a powerhouse, right? A power plant.

01:01:53--> 01:02:01

If you will, the father or the mother of the family, you're a power plant, you're the generator of the energy in the house, right.

01:02:02--> 01:02:04

And the power plant needs

01:02:05--> 01:02:19

needs to be taken care of to write. So please, do take time to take care of yourself. Do take time to take care of your own needs.

01:02:20--> 01:02:26

People call it self care, you know whether that means you need some private time every day to yourself,

01:02:27--> 01:02:31

carve that time out, tell your family members, you need that.

01:02:32--> 01:03:15

You know whether it's just to have a quiet coffee, and a book, or whether it's some kind of treatment, beauty treatment or health treatment are something that you need to do just for yourself, to keep your own sense of well being up. Remember, you know, when you're on an aeroplane, when when they're doing that little thing at the beginning, when they're telling you you know, if there's an emergency, what do they say? They say, put the mask on to yourself, first the oxygen mask before you put it onto your child, right? Why? Because, you know, if you start putting on to your child and you're choking yourself, you know, you're not going to be much used to your child. Right?

01:03:16--> 01:03:21

So we need to take care of ourselves as well. We need to become very

01:03:22--> 01:04:05

kind of sensitive to our own needs and our own own mental well being. So I ask you, dear brothers and sisters to think how you're going to be feeding your mind how you're going to be feeding your thoughts and mind over the next few weeks. Because you could fill your mind with negativity. You could fill your mind with complaints with the news with the the unsought, really of negative music that is just going to be around us, right. Or you can feed your mind with positive things with enriching things. You know, have you ever studied the Sierra of the prophets, Allah wa salam, or maybe this is a time for you to do that.

01:04:06--> 01:04:13

And the resources are all there at your fingertips. You just need the discipline to do that, right? Have you ever

01:04:14--> 01:04:24

used the you know, the resources around us to fill your mind with a new thing, some new skill that you could learn?

01:04:26--> 01:04:44

Brothers and sisters think about these types of things and take care of your mental health by taking care of what you're feeding your mind. Right, because our minds are very open to suggestion. If you fill them with negativity, they go into this kind of fight or flight mode.

01:04:45--> 01:04:48

And that has a physical effect on us, right.

01:04:50--> 01:04:59

So brothers and sisters, please take care of your own minds. And I do encourage all of us in this time to you know

01:05:00--> 01:05:21

to reach out to our elders in different ways, if we can't physically visit them, at least we can keep in touch with them. Make sure we're not just lost in our own little worlds. Reach out to your neighbors, whether that's through a little note that you can put through their letterbox. Or just by telling them you know that you're there.

01:05:23--> 01:05:24

Asking them if you're ever going shopping.

01:05:26--> 01:05:42

If you need to get if they need anything, acting in a responsible way, dear brothers and sisters, there's no need for hoarding and stockpiling stuff, realize the worst of human nature that comes out, you know, when we go into this kind of fight or flight mode.

01:05:44--> 01:05:49

We don't need to be in that kind of mode. You know, we are believers, dear brothers and sisters.

01:05:50--> 01:06:01

Can you imagine how blessed we are that we have Allah in our lives? If we didn't have the bedrock of the man? Where would we be dear brothers and sisters?

01:06:02--> 01:06:06

So Alhamdulillah Allah and Amatil Islam, or kapha, behind Yama.

01:06:08--> 01:06:32

And with that, my dear brothers and sisters, I'm going to leave you. I hope that some of those ideas and insights have got you to start thinking about ideas and insights that you might have to benefit your families and the well being of your families. And I asked Allah Subhana Allah to help us emerge from this trial, stronger, better,

01:06:33--> 01:06:52

more joyous, more full of light, having repented, having been forgiven, having made new commitments, having built a new bridges, and having a fresh appreciation for the masjid, for our institutions, for our elders,

01:06:53--> 01:06:57

and a new found or of ALLAH SubhanA Dallas power.

01:06:59--> 01:07:18

And with that, I will leave you my dear brothers and sisters, and bid you farewell Subhanak Allah whom I will be handy guide shadow Allah Allah Leila I learned so fuga well to be late. May Allah bless you and bless us and help us through these difficult times. I mean from

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your blog