72 – Tips for good parenting

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Faaik Gamieldien

Channel: Faaik Gamieldien

Topics: Parenting

Episode Notes

0072

Episode Transcript

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hungry, hungry learn

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to be here

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when I was with him in Cerulean fusina Marina de la foto de la la Who? For my union farhadi Allah, wanna shadow la? La la la la la sharika wanna shadow Mohammed and Aveda who are a pseudo Salatu? Was Salam O Allah? Allah Allah He was heavy woman died without water he lived with the amatola brothers

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and sisters in Islam a salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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alswamitra speaks in the Holy Quran Allah says via your lady in ermine, who am fuscia como la coonara Baku, Hannah Su, genre. And then evisa salam says in the very famous Hadith Bedell Islam of urban Messiah holdover even komaba to ballyhoura. Oh, come on Harlan Wu sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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My dear brothers and sisters, we

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we live in a world of many challenges.

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But we also live in a world where a lot of good can be done to the rest of the world, just by Muslims being Muslim.

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And what do I mean when I say that? I mean,

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sometimes we think that we need to physically go out into the world

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and call people to Islam.

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But there are many ways in which to call people to Islam.

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And some of the examples I want to give is the first example is the question of personal hygiene.

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And a very simple example of personal hygiene is the cleaning of one's teeth. For example,

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using the miswak isn't using the miswak to clean the teeth and great institution Islam.

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Can we not transfer this kind of personalized gene to non Muslims as well? Won't they also benefit from it?

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So I think it's important for us to understand the tools that we have. Knowing allows cuando se to Moosa, you must go to Freetown

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and musawah, standing on the mountain and to Christina. And he looked around him and he said, Yeah, Allah, how am I going to go to Pharaoh, I don't have an army, I have nothing, I don't even have a sward. So Allah, say to him, look in your hand, look in your hand, see what you have in your hand. And you look nice. And of course, you got a stick in his hand. And the last one that I say to him throw the stick, and he threw the stick and he turned into a separate. So the lesson, the first lesson of that is that, see what tools allows father, it's given to you without wanting to buy something, or to have money to do something. Because the most important lessons we learn in life and

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other lessons of money. The most important lessons in life are those where we need to improvise, to do things with as little as we possibly can. And those who grew up in the 60s in the 70s, in the 50s, will know that it was a great period and time of improvisation. It was a time when we had to do with what we had.

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And we can also teach the world about economics. For example, we know this, I mean the equity and the equitable pneus of Islamic economics the absence of Riba absence of exploitation, the adding of value rather than the adding of costs, we know that we add money, we only add costs. But we can add value, we can teach people the dignity of money, rather than being a slave to money. Rather than telling our children and teaching them that money adds value of money that doesn't add value to anything.

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Managers adds more money and more cost.

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So Islam as this innate beauty

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that can be transferred to others.

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And we as Muslims,

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we need to present this standard to the world.

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And the only way we can do this is by reading the next generation

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in the values of Islam, in the intangible values.

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For example, we should teach our children

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that education.

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That part of the budget of a young family today that takes up maybe 60% of the budget. All parents are concerned about the children. Everybody wants to send their children to the best schools.

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And nine out of 10 times the reason that we do this is because we feel that the child will be able to earn more money.

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If we go to the better school,

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we don't realize that education is not for living. Education is for life.

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education should teach you how to live your life, not autofill your stomach. And we see the results of that philosophy and we look around us, we see how parents indulge the children,

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with every woman that they want.

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And today, inshallah I'm going to focus on

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the relationship between parents and children.

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And I've chosen this because this morning at three o'clock

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my alarm woke me up.

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Nobody sets the alarm. Three o'clock, because fudger is an hour later.

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And when I woke up, I realized what happened. One of my grandchildren again, I set the alarm for three o'clock.

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So the last and I knew exactly who he was because he had to sleep over that night last night as well as my house. So I knew exactly was the last time I asked him, did you set the alarm? No parkins

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and I knew it was him because only when he comes the I woke up three o'clock, two o'clock in the morning, we set the alarm. So I had to get out of bed, go to the flower switch of the alarm and go back to sleep. And and of course I couldn't go to sleep, you know, optic allow you you know, get a bedtime and he just can't sleep again. And I said to myself, well, I want to ask him again. And he said, yeah, that is the Mohammed is sitting right here. So I said to myself, the last time I asked him I was angry and immediately signal so I said this morning when I want to ask him I'm gonna not be angry. I'm gonna ask him nicely. I'm gonna say Bahama. Did you set the alarm for three o'clock?

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So at breakfast table esteem hammer, did you set the alarm?

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And he said yes, by the third, three o'clock.

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So I said Marsha, this is great stuff. I mean, this is generosity. Mashallah, you telling the truth? You know, you don't pass anger. But nabasa Agnew, in fact, I always have money to pay you. Because Marshall, he spoke the truth. And I certainly that

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may be one of the topics that I need to raise now, this time of the year is to talk about this kind of thing. So talk about what are the values that we instill in our children? How do we create good children, not just good Muslim children, but good human beings?

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And,

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you know, one of the things and I think you've probably heard the sentence already a lot in the modern world in which you live. You hear this a lot. What do you what what do parents say? parents say, I'll never allow my children

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to do what? To suffer the hardship

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that I suffered.

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Isn't it a

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row say that we believe mckinnis matsusaka is a concrete.

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So I will do everything.

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For my children.

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I'll give them the best education,

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and even buy houses for them. I'll do whatever I can so that they must not suffer the hardship that I suffered as a child.

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And

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what should we in fact, be telling them? What should we in fact be saying to them,

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we should be saying to them,

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that I don't want you to actually should take your child, I don't want you to develop and build resilience. I don't want you to become a solid human being. I don't want you to build strength of character. I don't want you to be really successful in your life, because it's what you're telling the child, you telling the child I'm going to shield you from all hardship. And we know

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you know and I remember when when we went to school, where to walk to school.

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We take the bus to school, or we take the train to school. Today, we are so

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protective of our children that we take them from the front door

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right to the front door of the school.

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And if it rains, every parent wants to stop his car right in front of the gates in the school. And you have total chaos at every school in winter in Cape Town.

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And capetonians holidays. When you go to Makkah want to stay at the front of the harem. Everybody wants to stay there. Nobody wants to walk in everybody wants about them.

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So what do we develop, we develop children who are not resilient, who can't make up their own minds.

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And when we do this to our children, we set them up for failure. They may have good education.

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They may be doctors and lawyers.

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accountants, whatever they are good business people.

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When it comes to human beings, and even as Muslims, they find yours.

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You only strengthen yourself. When you come up against resistance. When you go to the gym, for example, if you go to the gym and pick up straws,

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we can do develop bellies and new muscles are gonna be

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flat, you have to pick up the weights, you the only when there's resistance, strength is both.

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And if you want your children to be strong, is not enough for you to wish

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you must do something about you can't just say well, giving the education I'm doing this for them and I'm doing that for them. inshallah, one day, they'll be good people, inshallah, one day, they will do this. inshallah, when I'm not there, this will happen. If you didn't do anything, it won't happen. Even eagles, you know, the eagle is a bird that can probably fly the highest.

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But they say even an eagle needs to push to fly.

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And you must have seen this on National Geographic, the bird is thought developed is famous, and his wings, that eagle is not going to jump out of the nest, the mother must nudge the young Eagle to get out of the nest. And that is the job of a parent. And therefore you can only have two parents in your life. Many people today, they say oh no, my children are not my children. And they feel I'm not a father. I'm not a mother, I'm my children's friend. What does that mean? That means that now you and children are equal,

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then are you equals, you can only have two parents and parents are they to guide children through thick and thin friends, put yourself on the same level. And this is what we have. And we will learn all the negative things from the west. In the West. When the child reaches the age of 18. The father pours him a glass of wine, you are now part of us. You cannot smoke in front of his father. And all these things happen in a Christian in a non Muslim home in the West. In Islam allows Muhammad Allah says

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to the parent

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to comb

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Li comb narrow

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allows fatherless a Save yourselves and your children from the fire of January because the fire of Jan ammo consists of stone and human beings.

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That will be the context people say well, you know there must be anthracite in the Jan Jana more some kind of coal that can to keep it hot and white. No, no, no conditions of janam will be men and stuff.

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And it's very important. You know, we have what is called over parenting and it's also under parenting. Parents really want to be over the top, that what's the children's every move, the child can fall in, they cry for the child, the child can have a small cut in the cry for the child can child mother knock his head, then in the brothers also the sisters out of the grandma's house, the end of the grandpa's to blame other sisters to play my child walk into the we like that we over protectors of our children. We need to make the rules and then let go. We say that you must inculcate the values and rules in your children and then you must let them go.

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That is how they learn. They learn by their mistakes. But it's very important for you to set boundaries.

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A value must have a boundary. That reminds me of the story of a Pakistani father who went to visit his son in America and his son was under a gas station. petrol station in a petrol station Todd is you have a 711 attached to her to whatever Cafe is and they sell everything. And the son said not far from the petrol station. And the son the father one day he says a very pious man one day he decided he was going to visit the petrol station. So it takes a walk down the hill. And he goes into the petrol station and lo and behold, he goes into the shop and actually see the sales he sells. He sees the pork in the fridge. He sees pornographic material on the stands when they sell the

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newspapers.

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And he sees beer in the fridge.

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And the turns around, he goes back up to the house that he tells his daughter invoices, tax is bad. And he says you tell him I said when he comes home that I will not be staying in his house anymore, nor will I ever eat his food again.

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And she says no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What happened? This is no no, just tell him that is the message I'm giving him. So she phones him quickly and he comes home and he says they're about what happened what what is wrong? She's going into your shop today my son and I see you selling all the things which are Hello

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Everything which all of my karate is, A is a pornography, the use of being he says, but this is part of the franchise, you know, it's a franchise, and part of the franchisees that they stopped my shop for me, I have to sell this, this for this as well, all that is against what Allah teaches. And if you don't the rubbish, all that stuff, now, I want you to throw it in the bud, all of that I will never visit you again. Nor will I ever eat at your table. Because whatever you're going to feed me is from the money which you made from

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the Father to the son said,

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not a problem, we went down to the shop and he said to his dad was and he took all the beer and all the stuff. And then the father said, Now that is the kind of boundary boundaries are not because a boundary masterpiece, you can't just say you can't tell your children.

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You don't have you mustn't have sex before marriage.

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All the parents to say that no sex before marriage, but we give them every single opportunity to have sex before marriage. Let them go.

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We let the boyfriends come home and we go out with all kinds of things that encourages

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and allows

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so I mean, allows boundaries so happy and pleased

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when we set the boundaries. I mean, what's the use of African electric trains was not switched on.

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electric trains has no value unless it has the kickin it to keep the burglar way. So same with the boundaries.

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And you know what happened is Pakistani family this, it was the next day was Juma was a Thursday, and it took his father for German on the way to Juma that an accident, they were in a four by four. He was sitting in front and he was driving his father sitting in front. And it was snowing. Two people sitting in the back the cascade it took a few turns and landed on its back. Nobody was hurt except the Father broke his leg. The old father Frankenstein, old man, he broke his leg.

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They took him to hospital. And the doctors examined him and said, whoops, there's every second artery in your father's body is blocked.

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We're going to leave the legs along we first have to open open up his chest and clear out all his all his arteries.

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So this was the gift which Allah saundra gave to the Father

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for having set the boundaries.

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You don't say to your children don't do that in the do it. You don't, you don't do anything. So then from small, you need to set boundaries. If children overstep the limit, there has to be a boundary, there has to be a penalty. And I'm not saying you should meet your children, I think the worst thing that a parent can do is to beat their children.

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And I say this other mountains I used to beat my children, my son is the thing he knows he needs to get a very good idea.

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But you learn as you go on, you don't stay in the rat. I mean, I because I grew up like that my parents used to be told.

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I think that we need your children. The only difference between your child is you're a big man and he's a small man.

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And one day when he's a big man, maybe he's gonna beat you because it's bigger than my father used to beat me when I was young. And I'm bigger than him and stronger than him. And I think from a moral point of view, it's really the worst thing that the parent can do to be a child. Maybe salsa love, never beat his children never beat his grandchildren never even beat.

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He's seven to work for him. And unless even the Malik was a young child, when he grew up, he grew up in the house of Muhammad Salah maybe it was about seven or eight years old when he when the when the Prophet love started living in the prophets house.

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And for 10 years, he served and Avi salatu salam. And he says, you know, the Navy says I've never once said to him

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Why do you do it like this? I told you to do it like this, why he said the

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first thing we do without making our service and our work is to exceed a few marks. And I also do that the prophecies or maybe even said that they weren't beating unethically Malik narrates his story says one with an Ibiza Saddam Hussein into the market, gave him some money and said and as go to the market. He was a young boy, it must have been about maybe 12 or 13 years old. Prophet said to him go and buy this in the marketplace. And as when, on the way he made some friends.

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He started playing in the road in our children. And he cleaned for God that the Prophet had sent him to the marketplace to go and buy some things.

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Prophet waited and waited and waited and waited and prophet couldn't wait anymore. The Prophet went to look for him to our foreign him playing with the children in the road.

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So what would I do as a parent or whether I was an employee, I'd say

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my

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Unless even if Alec says ravizza Sallam stood outside and waited for him to finish, play,

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huddle, he said, he saw the Prophet standing there. While he was playing, he noticed he was the Prophet said Providence. So he was he was he realized, oh my god, I have to go to the market the proper problem to look for me. And he went to the proper offices and you finished like, finish first finish what you do, finish your game. I'll wait for you. When you're done. I'll speak to you.

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So he immediately finished and he came and Mr. Sanjay team. So don't worry, give me the money. I'll go. You play with your friends. Complete what you're doing. Give me the money. Whoever is looking for the money. He's looking for the money and obviously through the plane. He also lost the money. He said

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I lost the very nervous I said I'm sick team. Okay, continue playing. It's all right. I'll

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I'll go get some other man.

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He said that was the Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and children have always had the moral high ground. Oh, is that the moral high ground. And so it's important for us

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to, to keep this model to keep this parent image.

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And maybe I should ask you this question. Now. If I should ask your children who's sitting within the agency, many martial law children, in fact, should ask a child who's your role model?

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Imagine he doesn't say you are the role model.

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Imagine he says

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some

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Manchester United player. That's my role model.

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Imagine how proud you will be which is my role models. My dad, or my role model is my mom supanova. And that is the kind of parenting that is the end result of the parenting that you want.

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And want to illustrate this with a story

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about you know, in the days of apartheid, the workplace was always far away from where people stayed.

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So this man worked about 20 kilometers from where he stayed because he had to stay in the township area

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was a very good Muslim practicing person. And his son used to fetch him every day to pick him up at work and take him over 20 Ks

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so one day the son decided he was going to go to the his father was a very pious man. So the son decided I am going to watch a movie today.

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See if I can squeeze in a movie on my way to picking up by that time. So it goes to the cinema watching the movie and in the cinema, there's a friend of his father sitting there and the Frenchies Prince was very cheesy many phones a day that says you know who you are suddenly I sitting in the cinema

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anyway

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sancocho involved in the movie when the movie was over he realizes an hour late to pick up his debt so of course he rushes to the work

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What am I going to say you so as far as as a movie we have in our have been waiting for our for your wireless so you know traffic

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they saw they see why Why are you lying to me?

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Because why why did this alternate is live because a friend phone the father to say your son is sitting in in the cinema says obviously but but but why are you lying to me? Why is why is the skater me that you lying to me? He didn't answer he

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didn't say anything. So she was so shocked and so shy that his father knew. He probably thought wow, this mammosphere you kidding revelation now? Did he know that? I was telling a lie? I mean,

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so his father said to him

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I will not go with you today. So he's fine. He said but how are you going to use no buses, no trains no taxis going from here to way Mr. Swanson I will walk

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and his father worked out 20 kilometres home and he drove behind his father while his father's working father got dummies, no shoes, but it took him 24 hours to get home.

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And while he was walking, he was trying to figure out for himself as a father.

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Not why his child that told the lie but what did he do wrong for a child to tell the lie?

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And he decided that he failed. Not the time he said he said he was a failure that he did not inculcate in his child. The fear of telling lies

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and the great

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negativity in telling lies

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So it wasn't Listen, it was a lesson more for the father than the lesson for the child. And those are the parents that we want to see today.

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So parenting My dear brothers and sisters

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is it's not an armchair exercise,

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concert and direct.

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It's not a remote control exercise. It's a contact sport. You have to be there with your children.

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And you have to

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get your hands dirty. Have your nose bloodied. Do you have to be a parent especially today? There's so many things, so many dangers in the world that we need to make our children aware of right from day one.

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And one of the great things there's an Arab proverb that says cut Taku al hikmah to kulu ha fi Kalamata, Kalamata Nam Kalamata.

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There is a profit net profit, which is that perhaps all of wisdom can be contained in two words.

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The word Yes. And the word no.

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And a good parent is a parent who knows when to say no, and knows when to say yes. And we need to change the focus of us as parents, we need to take away this whole thing about self centeredness

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about

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getting the child already thinking about what he wants in life,

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we need to make him think about the needs of other people as long as the needs of the society in which we live.

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What is the most single most important problem

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in bringing up children today?

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What is the most important problem that we have when you bring up our children?

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Children are brought up today

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to think

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that the most important person that they are the most important important person in life, their parents make them think that I am the most important person in his life.

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And is your parent to two children.

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Parents are terrified of the children. I see this with my own children, my own grandchildren.

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Parents are terrified of their children. Not because the child is six feet tall, eight feet wide. No.

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Because they want to satisfy the need of every inch of the child. Oh my god, all they can go die.

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How am I gonna manage this child? One second that child was that.

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So Pamela,

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don't be nervous.

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I mean, if I look at my life examine I think all of those, those of you who grew up in the in the 60s again refer to the 60s in the 70s in example,

00:28:18--> 00:28:22

as a child and as I grew up, I don't remember a single occasion.

00:28:24--> 00:28:29

When my mother asked me what food I would like to have for dinner.

00:28:33--> 00:28:41

I don't remember. I don't remember my mother asking any of our children to say, McCann What's it like to eat? Find out?

00:28:44--> 00:28:46

What was cooked you ate?

00:28:48--> 00:28:50

Whether it was karate, which is my favorite.

00:28:52--> 00:29:11

Or you stayed angry? You either ate the food or you say dandy. Today you come into homes and they three children in the house. Every child wants something different. The one wants fish he doesn't eat. The one wants immediate doesn't eat fish. The other one wants fish doesn't eat meat. The other one wants sushi.

00:29:13--> 00:29:28

laughing I mean exactly what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about? The other one wants pizza. So the one so what they do is they send one person to go to the pizza shop and it goes to the sushi shop and the other one goes to the fish shop and they all sit around the table. Each one eats what he was.

00:29:33--> 00:29:37

And these are the children We shall send out into the world all spoiled brats.

00:29:42--> 00:29:46

No discipline, and discipline is the key to success.

00:29:47--> 00:29:48

You know that?

00:29:50--> 00:29:51

And

00:29:53--> 00:29:59

every parent thinks the other mistake we make is that we think that our children are God's gift to mankind.

00:30:00--> 00:30:02

Maybe God's gift to us

00:30:04--> 00:30:13

as salary branches, they don't come from yours. They only come. They only come through you. They only come through you.

00:30:14--> 00:30:19

And it's a story I'd like to talk maybe today's day for storytelling because of all the time.

00:30:21--> 00:30:23

Don't worry, I won't keep you as long as I kept you last week

00:30:25--> 00:30:33

about this great scholar who didn't have any children. This is a story not hard enough, this is a story you either take it or you throw it away.

00:30:34--> 00:30:37

There's a great scholar, and no children.

00:30:38--> 00:30:47

So every night is the goddess masala tea, Allah give me a child, if you give me a child. And especially if you give me a son, I will bring up as an ally.

00:30:49--> 00:30:55

I will tell him to the best Allah to become a great scholar of Islam. So I'll accept that he so Allah gave him a son.

00:30:57--> 00:31:06

And his son was it son became half at the age of three, because he made a promise to all our son. By the age of six the child died.

00:31:12--> 00:31:35

To bury the child. He couldn't, couldn't understand. How is it that unlike siptu, these two are Allah gave in the child, Allah made him even make the child half is now the text child away. He couldn't come to grips with that every day is to go to the car and sit in car lab. Why did you take this chance

00:31:36--> 00:31:41

I set great plans for the challenge is going to become a great revival of your dean

00:31:43--> 00:31:44

Salas it is.

00:31:46--> 00:31:51

Again, it's a story. So the child comes out of the grave. why he's so happy, he says.

00:31:54--> 00:32:19

So take the child by the hand and is eager now to get home with a child to show his wife, you know, Alice and Alice I'll take all my dogs in to take any walks with a child as he's walking with a child, the child gets smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller, and like to pick the child up and carry the child. And eventually when he came to the front of it came to the door of his house when he looked in his and all he could see was a small little

00:32:21--> 00:32:30

wick patch in the center of his hand. We couldn't even see it small, a with little patchouli. And the boys say to him,

00:32:31--> 00:32:34

oh, great Muslim. Seventh,

00:32:35--> 00:32:42

you were saying all the time about my son, my son, my son, your contribution to your son is in your hand.

00:32:44--> 00:33:06

And I'm giving it back to you. That was your contribution. So our children is not our children. That is our contribution to our child to our children. They are an Amana like everything else like our money, our wives, our children, these are not these are not possessions that we keep, no, either they will leave us or we will leave them.

00:33:11--> 00:33:12

So we need to have this

00:33:15--> 00:33:17

view of our children when we look at them.

00:33:19--> 00:33:23

We must make sure that our children has a sense of balance,

00:33:25--> 00:33:27

balance of

00:33:29--> 00:33:30

Deen and dunya

00:33:32--> 00:33:35

we must make sure that our children

00:33:39--> 00:33:40

work for what they have.

00:33:42--> 00:33:45

And not work in the home. Outside now.

00:33:46--> 00:33:47

Children must learn

00:33:48--> 00:33:49

to be economically

00:33:51--> 00:33:51

sound.

00:33:53--> 00:33:57

Our Prophet sallallahu wasallam taught us the value of trade.

00:33:59--> 00:34:02

And as a small boy, this was what he did. This is how he started off.

00:34:07--> 00:34:10

And discipline. I think one of the things that really

00:34:12--> 00:34:17

makes my blood boil today, when I look at the whole world and I look at parents and children

00:34:19--> 00:34:20

is

00:34:21--> 00:34:25

the indiscipline of children. child will come from school I'm sure you've seen this

00:34:27--> 00:34:41

child will come from primary school babies are seven years old, or eight years old. He has dropped his back at the door, take off your jacket, throw it on the floor, and you'll be able to follow him in that as we he goes because he'll drop things as he goes along.

00:34:43--> 00:34:46

And his mother or the maid will pick it up after him.

00:34:48--> 00:34:59

And then make all kinds of excuses about our IDs and oddities. And what a nice little boy he is otherwise, that's good and he's good at math and science is going to become a great whatever scientists

00:35:00--> 00:35:03

So what we do is we suffer these indiscretions

00:35:05--> 00:35:07

by the gentleman that removed from me.

00:35:08--> 00:35:09

So I do it,

00:35:10--> 00:35:22

learn from his parents. father doesn't pick up the stick. So why should he do it. And this is the kind of children that we send into the world. With all the knowledge and all the certificates are not luck.

00:35:24--> 00:35:27

No luck may add up,

00:35:28--> 00:35:29

as you said.

00:35:32--> 00:35:46

And this was the mission of Mohammed tawassul, to teach, adapt to teach o'clock Niner in my father's house, and I went to school, by the way, and all sorts of exams, by the way, as a child.

00:35:48--> 00:36:10

Whether it was whether we were writing exams in your room, studying or writing, whatever. When guests came here to leave everything in you had to come and greet the guests. And then you had to sit down and the father will say, she This is my son is downstairs at six. Oh, she said, seven was in matric. And he's doing this and he's doing that, and he had to sit there. And you know, it was embarrassing.

00:36:11--> 00:36:22

Because you knew he was such a bad child, you wouldn't do so good at school, but your father thought you would just get to sit there and Nanuet to bring the tea or the cookies or whatever it was, today, you come into people's homes.

00:36:24--> 00:36:28

You sit there for hours, the children are sitting in their rooms watching TV,

00:36:29--> 00:36:31

the mother whatever can greet

00:36:32--> 00:36:34

this one or come and greet that one.

00:36:35--> 00:36:37

Your children are busy, you know, the

00:36:38--> 00:36:40

writing exams, you know, don't disturb him.

00:36:47--> 00:36:56

Wednesdays, see you, therefore, mother and mother are leaving muscle, right? You know, he's writing math, tomorrow's really difficult subject.

00:37:02--> 00:37:04

And we know the results of that.

00:37:07--> 00:37:09

So it's important then

00:37:10--> 00:37:11

that

00:37:13--> 00:37:17

we focus on three critical areas of child rearing.

00:37:18--> 00:37:28

And remember, I want to say this to you. I said, I said in my lecture people, parents are afraid of their children.

00:37:29--> 00:37:31

I know this, I've seen this.

00:37:34--> 00:37:40

parents want their children to be happy all the time. Even though they are unhappy. They don't want to see the children.

00:37:42--> 00:37:52

Or if the child cries, oh my god, that's the worst thing and you can hear my kid. Oh, come here. What do you want? What do you need?

00:37:55--> 00:37:56

And then what do we do?

00:37:57--> 00:38:04

when they grow up when they big, then we cry all the time. So the last thing we need to teach our children is to connect to our laws.

00:38:08--> 00:38:13

That we practice Islam completely. And I say this

00:38:15--> 00:38:17

as a parent and as a father,

00:38:18--> 00:38:20

that many times we do things that are wrong.

00:38:22--> 00:38:37

We do things that are wrong. And I told him and ask us but every Why do you do that? And what will we do we can justify? And I always say to my children, never try to justify the wrong tell the child is wrong. I'm doing it.

00:38:39--> 00:38:41

Don't do it. shouldn't do it.

00:38:42--> 00:38:48

In other words, it's very important that your children get a very clear message of who you are and what you stand for.

00:38:51--> 00:38:52

My father, this was him.

00:38:53--> 00:39:08

He did that too. He did that but he always encouraged us to do that. And don't do that and do this because the basic is not to do the bad But the worst is to try and rationalize on the evil that we do. The second is

00:39:09--> 00:39:14

and also to practice Islam completely not some of it and others not.

00:39:16--> 00:39:22

child makes mockery But father the child is no law professor says fine. Tomic do it but don't ask.

00:39:23--> 00:39:42

We have to practice Islam completely. No half measures. We have to make it clear that certain things are totally haraam interest for example is hollow. Justice wine is haram. Just as adultery is haram, we can't say the other one maybe is okay. The other one is not okay.

00:39:45--> 00:39:52

Secondly, as we must be mentally fit, we must be physically fit. Now always say in your home.

00:39:54--> 00:39:56

Always have good books lying around in your house.

00:39:59--> 00:39:59

Always

00:40:00--> 00:40:05

Have good books lying around, even if you don't read it, nobody, somebody's going to read it somewhere sometimes.

00:40:08--> 00:40:11

I know we have a lot of magazines, you know, things that we shouldn't have in our homes.

00:40:13--> 00:40:18

To try and put good books around, buy good books and leave it in your house, maybe one day you will read it also in Sharla.

00:40:23--> 00:40:24

and instill good habits in your children.

00:40:26--> 00:40:28

You know, they say you must get up.

00:40:31--> 00:40:37

You must wake up in the morning with single digits and go and sleep at night with double digits.

00:40:39--> 00:41:09

What does it mean? It means you must get him in the morning when your clock is a single digit. not wake up at 10 o'clock go to sleep at two o'clock, but wake up with a double digit digit and go to sleep with a single digit. Now you must get away with a single digit that started in the morning and go sleep with a double digit, don't go and sleep at one o'clock in the morning, for two o'clock in the morning. Maybe you can make an exception on New Year's Eve, whatever you do. But generally speaking, you should try and keep a discipline when it comes to

00:41:10--> 00:41:26

both mental fitness and physical fitness. And finally, for us as parents and for our children, we should always strive for excellence Nabi sallallahu, Sallam always drove the Sahaba to excel beyond their potential.

00:41:28--> 00:41:45

But with excelling beyond the potential meant to sacrifice everything for the sake of a low Swanton, even their lives, they were prepared to give their lives for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa Tada. So again, to repeat to you.

00:41:47--> 00:41:51

Remember, I think probably the most important lesson today that I've learned is

00:41:53--> 00:41:53

that

00:41:55--> 00:42:05

we must set the boundaries. But the boundaries must not just be verbal boundaries, they must have teeth. So if the child goes over the boundary, there is a definite

00:42:07--> 00:42:14

reaction from you, as to what in fact, you should tell him what the consequences is going to be before you overstepped the boundary.

00:42:20--> 00:42:21

And I say this with

00:42:22--> 00:42:24

his very personal it's to do with

00:42:25--> 00:42:27

my father in the boundaries that he said.

00:42:31--> 00:42:40

And these boundaries may be right or wrong, but parents have the right to set boundaries. And one of the boundaries that my father said for us as children was that we shall

00:42:43--> 00:42:46

never marry a person

00:42:47--> 00:42:48

who

00:42:49--> 00:42:54

came into the D. Now this could be wrong could be that he was right or wrong.

00:42:56--> 00:42:59

But he also told us what will happen to us if you do that.

00:43:02--> 00:43:06

And probably so maybe saw the danger of it. Maybe in his lifetime, he saw the danger of it.

00:43:09--> 00:43:11

And it will stick in my mind saying money medicine. Oh, man.

00:43:13--> 00:43:18

That was you know, the father said that to you. That was that was the worst thing that could happen to you.

00:43:19--> 00:43:21

And I think maybe it was

00:43:23--> 00:43:32

maybe didn't mean it may be deep meaning it certainly worked. And why did it work? Because you set the boundary? And you also told us what will happen if you go over that boundary?

00:43:33--> 00:43:43

And finally Many people ask me the question, when young people ask me the question of how do I choose a wife? Because ultimately, when it comes to parenting,

00:43:47--> 00:43:51

it's about two people. It's about a husband, and a wife.

00:43:52--> 00:43:55

And maybe young people say mature now how to choose a wife.

00:43:57--> 00:43:58

Close your eyes.

00:43:59--> 00:44:00

Have all the photographs in front of you. And

00:44:03--> 00:44:12

because sometimes today you think that's what kids do. That's what young people do. There are five girlfriends, and then I choose, you know which one is prettier. So which one is this?

00:44:14--> 00:44:17

And my advice always is, don't look at the Gulf.

00:44:20--> 00:44:28

I don't mean to look at the Gulf. I mean, don't consider the Gulf as the primary objective. When you want to get married. Look at the mother.

00:44:33--> 00:44:34

Because ultimately

00:44:37--> 00:44:43

that young girl that you marrying now, when she gets older, she is going to become just like a mother.

00:44:44--> 00:44:46

Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.

00:44:48--> 00:44:50

That's the kind of advice I'm giving you

00:44:51--> 00:44:54

that look at the matter

00:44:55--> 00:44:59

because often the opposite of that is the root of the tree right so the tree came from

00:45:03--> 00:45:04

That's the person who voted the tree.

00:45:07--> 00:45:15

And when you go into the home I said, Look at how they treat each other and look how they treat particularly the servants.

00:45:17--> 00:45:37

Particularly look at how they treat the sentence. And when you go out with him for a meal, I'm saying he was caught in data. I'm not saying that I didn't say anything to that effect. I'm not saying that. That's not a lot. But if you should go with a family for a meal, see how they treat the waiters and the waitresses, people they meet on the road

00:45:39--> 00:45:45

what are we looking at? We're looking at the clock of the family

00:45:47--> 00:45:53

and you can turn my dear brother 360 degrees but ultimately that will come out

00:45:54--> 00:45:56

in the way you're going to live your life

00:45:57--> 00:46:15

so I'm saying to you as a parent in your wife, as a mother and as a as a wife, you need and I always say you know we don't have either parents or gurus follow them but we don't have to be like somebody else we can change our lives completely. And we always say this word use the excuse I

00:46:16--> 00:46:17

say mom has

00:46:18--> 00:46:26

the power to power good argument. We must follow and I always say this we must follow

00:46:27--> 00:46:30

who Mohamed Salama?

00:46:33--> 00:46:43

I can't say well my dad gave my mother a couple of snacks in every time and maybe that's a good thing to do you know from time to time you must keep them you know you must rein them in and tell him show them who's the boss

00:46:46--> 00:46:54

Why is it wrong? It's wrong because Mohamed Salah Lata listen to it, that's why it's wrong. That's why should never be done.

00:46:56--> 00:47:07

And we the children, my father beat me so I'm gonna take it out of my kids. But you can change your container. Mohamed Salah Salah, never ever be teacher

00:47:08--> 00:47:21

you lose the moral high ground when you do that. So May Allah sort of given Charla, that we as grandparents because grandparents remember play probably a more important role in the lives of children than parents.

00:47:24--> 00:47:31

For some reason or other allows fatherless given grandparents a great role to play in bringing up the graduate.

00:47:32--> 00:47:38

So May Allah make us good parents, good mothers, good fathers and for those of you not married, look at the mother.

00:47:42--> 00:47:44

And we are lost under a gift that we inculcate.

00:47:46--> 00:47:47

Practice of Deen

00:47:49--> 00:47:52

from the child is born.

00:47:53--> 00:48:19

I mean, a very practical example is make Salah with your children. Even if the child is in a nappy that the child makes Salah with you. I mean, it's such a joy when you take that small little baby in a nappy to your friend's house in Assam masala that small little boy comes and he makes to Jude with all these ads in his feet on the floor. But as you can see, Marcia, you know, you can see this child grows up in a home where the parents make Salah.

00:48:20--> 00:48:33

And that is so wonderful. And that is what we want. So May Allah Allah bless all of you and guide you in places in sha Allah, may Allah subhanaw taala give that we, that we, we make this

00:48:37--> 00:48:38

our contribution to the world

00:48:40--> 00:48:53

because many times you know, I would like to build a mosquito or furniture if I want to do you know, but I don't have the money to do so much good, but I can't. But what we can do is we can send children into the world that will make a difference.

00:48:54--> 00:49:05

We can bring up children in such a way that we say, you know, my child is down to earth he's concerned about other people not only concerned about himself, and this is led from his father or his mother or his sister always

00:49:07--> 00:49:10

without Allah Allah Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.