Personal Empowerment – Series 1 – Episode 2
Channel: Edris Khamissa
File Size: 23.63MB
Welcome to session two in the series on personal empowerment. The topic for discussion is decision making and overcoming procrastination.
Our two speakers are brother Idris camisa, and Chef Sergio Lacan. Idris camisa is an international consultant in education, human development. His expertise is in staff development and curriculum design. His creativity made him a dynamic lecturer in didactics, and methodology at epsa International Peace University of South Africa. He also conducts in service training for business corporations. As a parenting expert and a marriage counselor. he conducts workshops on these topics. Youth Leadership is another area of his focus. He is a regular guest on both national and community radio stations. Moving on to Shaykh Abdullah Khan. He is an internationally renowned lecturer, and
motivational speaker, who has presented papers at numerous Islamic and interfaith conferences in Malaysia, Belgium, Nigeria, Egypt, USA, Iran, Botswana, Canada, Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, Kuwait, Mexico and Turkey. He is the director of empowered development international and is a motivational speaker. He addresses issues of personal empowerment, youth development, leadership training, the art of communication, and is also engaged in fostering both interfaith and interfaith understanding and cooperation.
Brother Idris. In our previous series, both you and shiksa, doula spoke about change. And that was the essence of our topic. Now, wildness Wilds change is necessary.
I'm sure that this also involves one making a decision. What is the kind of decision that a person is not making? For him to be able to affect change?
shamima does akmola for that question, I think change and decision making. These are very critical components, they are joined together. In essence, after you decide to make a change, what you need to do is to make certain decisions, very critical decisions. And you find that many people are sadly afraid to make decisions and you could understand why they're afraid. They're afraid of failure.
There is a sense of insecurity.
And many of them are very, very sensitive because they realize it effects certain changes, it will impact on people around them. And in many instances, in my own experience, I'm sure six subtler would concur with me is that when children grow up in certain homes, parents are to love for them, sometimes insulate them, and they forget to help them to make decisions. often they're mollycoddle and decisions are made for them for a long, long time. And as a result, you find these children begin to lack self esteem and the kind of confidence necessary to make decisions.
The critical thing in life is this. And what we need to understand as psychologists concur that from the age of two, a child is able to make decisions, of course, the choices you give them in that way, when they realize that within certain parameters, they can make decisions, it gives them the confidence when they are outside in the real society to make meaningful decisions, the right decisions, and I would use the word as an acronym stop.
So, when you are in a particular situation, you need to stop, you need to stop and then of course, think think about all the options, they always to look at the options and you exercise the option. Now, once you decide on the options, you either proceed or you pause and that is very very important when you understand because naturally, decisions making of decision making involves many things. It has very serious implications.
To many people who might have access to these CDs.
You need to ask yourself, why is it that you are afraid to make a decision? Try to find out that reason. Once you found out that reason, you need to deal with it and you need to move on because
Making decisions as someone rightly said, adulthood is basically making decisions. Otherwise you become a spectator in your own life. And now you said that one of the reasons a person's reluctant to make a decision to affect change is because he has a low self esteem. Now inshallah we're going to be discussing that topic, in our latest CD inshallah. Now, people know that there is a need for improvement, they know that they need to change, you ask anybody, they'll say, Well, I know all of that. What is the delay between my mind and my actual action? And here, I'm going to ask you the question.
Why do people delay? And more importantly, why do they procrastinate? I
think time is of essence,
is fundamental to us, we need to realize that after life itself, time is our most valuable capital. In fact, time is the measure of life. And the wasting of time, is the wasting of life.
Procrastination itself basically implies avoiding tasks that need to be accomplished, or delaying things that need to be done.
And procrastination, we must realize, it's not an inborn thing. It's not just a natural thing is actually a bad habit. And habits are quiet.
It's a habit that, that poses tremendous dangers, to our sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. As a wise man said, How soon does not now become never.
So like other bad, bad habits, procrastination is not helpful. It interferes with one's progress. And it stands once potential for success in growth. And I believe like all bad habits, it can be broken, and it must be broken. I know you've said that it's a bad habit. And
it's something that interferes with a person's progress. But on the other hand, one might say that it prevents stress. So I do it in my own time, I'm not going to rush why miss a rush? Why must I do things on time all the time, because that seems to become one of the stressors of life. Indeed, but what you got to understand is that when you are indecisive, you do not only impact on your life, but you also impact on the lives of other people. And stress is a natural part of our life. What is critical is this, that life is finite. We cannot be sure they'll be a tomorrow or next week. Whatever you need to do, do it now and do it properly. Six Abdullah mentioned, you find that those
individuals who are afraid to make decisions, who feel a kind of paralysis, they make no progress. In fact, what happens, such individuals do not inspire any confidence, you basically disempower yourself. I found for example, that even if they are headmaster's in schools or people in commerce, and when they employees go to them for advice, they often say you know what, I'm not too sure. I don't know what we should do. And maybe after a few days, the person will come to you. Thereafter, he would say, I'm wasting my time, I'm wasting my time talking to that individual. So what is very important is this is not so much making the smartest decision. It's about making a decision. You
rather make a decision to say a decision made is far better than the longest meetings in boards, board meetings that you might have, or any kind of interaction and meetings you might have. But it's critical. You need to take a small step. And I know of people, for example, who also do what I regard this a wonderful habit, they tell a person, you're come to me for advice, what do you think we should do? They share that responsibility and that person with whom you're sharing the responsibility, you ought to give them ownership. And then he begins to see things through your eyes and begins to participate in the process. So I want to encourage people, that you cannot succeed in
life, you cannot make a meaningful contribution. You cannot leave a legacy behind if you are not prepared to make decisions. And if we look at history, the Quran is replete with it. Our history books are replete with those leaders, those individuals who made a particular decision would shape the destiny of humanity who made a difference to humanity at large. Such an individual inspires, he has a vision, he makes a difference. And often when you look back at that and look back at the lessons
We have learned and you say my gosh, maybe yes, I can do that. Now, when you explore those decisions made by other people, you got to ask yourself, what was the philosophy that underpin that, what was it that motivated it, and you realize that decision like these require courage, it requires a resilience, it requires an understanding. And if you do that, then naturally you can move from where you are, where to where you would like to be. Otherwise, you can be remaining in one particular place. vegetating and really not inspiring any confidence. In fact, I say to people, Okay, I understand if you do not want to make a difference to the lives of other people, but what about your
own life? Surely you value yourself? Surely you have self worth? Surely you are here and Allah has given you a purpose. Surely you have to make decisions? Yes, you're going to make mistakes. But the critical thing is, we need to learn from our mistakes.
As a listener, I'm going to say the following. You know, I can find an excuse for not making a decision today. I can say I don't have the courage. All of these I think become diversions. shakes. Angela,
tell the listener who's feeling at this moment that yes, I'm one of the people who Idris just spoke about, and what are the main causes for one, procrastinating and not wanting to make a decision?
Very good questions that should be my one is the main causes why people procrastinate. And of course, you also mentioned about diversions. I think there are many reasons, and many causes why people generally procrastinate. But I'll focus on two which Idris has touched upon some what one is crooked thinking.
This is based on negative thinking, which is neither productive nor helpful, preventing the doing of what needs to be done. And for example, that meta is not relevant now. Or what if I fail? Or why aren't others doing it? Or everyone else seems to be doing it, it's not working or something. I don't know what to do, or what will as I say, all of these things, are somewhat factors that affect or impact on a person's crooked thinking. Second one is learned behavior.
We act the way we are accustomed to act, and not thinking of changing or considering change as a step towards betterment.
Remember, if you think and act as you always thought and acted,
then you continue to get in remain where you are, you'll continue to get what you always got. There's two main reasons one is, I would say crooked thinking, and the other is learned behavior.
As for the common diversions, you know, ways of avoiding important matters. So you find excuses. There are three major ones I will touch upon, and that is action cop outs. In other words, we block out focusing on priorities.
The priorities now life we don't focus upon. So we just live life. It is a series of doings. It's a happening, life happens to us when excellent of circumstance rather than the architects of our life. So every day is like tomorrow, and every tomorrow was like yesterday, and life doesn't really have meaning.
It does not mean that the daily cycle of life will change. You know, it is routine, of course, it's routine. But at the same time, we need to realize that we have a greater purpose than just the things that we do routinely. Not only we're picking up and dropping the kids and going to work, our life is much more meaning than that even in how we engage people even in our workplace, even in the school we go to and so on. So action couples, very often people block out focusing on priorities by engaging in diversions that are not priority. They do secondary things. Sometimes they are mental excuses. Self deception, like later will be better not now. Maybe next year, maybe Ramadan was
forgetting that delaying is easy things you know makes matters more difficult. The more you delay, even little stuff eventually becomes a mountain and delaying easy things make matters difficult, and delaying difficult matters may make things virtually impossible.
The third diversion is emotional escapes. Besides action cop outs and mental excuses. Emotion escapes. But people very often do get involved with drugs or preoccupy themselves with music, or even sometimes with religion. Not necessarily doing good work but just preoccupy themselves doing something. For the sake of doing something to avoid. People may do something and they go to the mosque, to pray to avoid solving a problem at home. Praying itself is good. Don't get me wrong, but trying to stay at the mosque or synagogue.
to church or wherever you may be to avoid a fact that you've lost your job, avoid taking care of a son who may be on drugs to avoid a daughter may be having problems to avoid. Improving relationship between your wife is not a good thing at any time. So even religion can be an escape, to face the unpleasant reality
of our sense of non accomplishment. So the excuse we do make is, but I'm doing something good. But there's not a priority right now. So the diversions are action cop outs, blocking out the priorities, mental excuses, making things you know, finding excuses for why not now next time, and so on. And then emotional escapes, where we engage ourselves with something else, and you feel good being involved in that, but we avoid the real issues that are affecting our lives in a larger way. Okay, we've got quite a good understanding now of what decision making entails and why people are procrastinating and held on to Idris come to you and give you a scenario. If it were
we have this very shy, young person who's moved to a new neighborhood and decides, I'm going to now consciously take a decision. And I'm going to talk to a my neighbor. It's somebody who's not used to talking to a stranger. So it's a big decision that the person's made. So he makes this decision to be friendly. And what does the neighbor do the neighbor is aloof, and the neighbor rejects, the neighbor is aloof, and the neighbor rejects him. The neighbor doesn't know the kind of effort that went into this Overture that the person made.
What happens to the person now because usually the situation is what I tried, it didn't work, I'm never going to do it again. I'm never going to make an overture like that, because I fear rejection so much. I feel failure. I don't have the courage. I'm using some of the words that both of you use to tell me why people don't want to make decisions. Now, here's a scenario where I tried I made a decision, I did something, and it didn't work. What's the next step? What do you what do you do from this moment forward? I can understand that situation. I think many people listening would say, Yes, I've been through that. But a critical thing in life is this that from one negative experience, one
ought not to generalize. And one of the things in life, we need to learn that we have no control what others feel about us, we have no control what they tell us. But we have complete control how we react to a situation. I know of people whose neighbors ignore them, but yet they will greet them so politely and lovingly, because they say, Why should I be affected by them? And I'm reminded of a story, a story that is very, very powerful. It was uplifting. For me, it was very, very instructive. When an individual used to go to the shop every morning, and politely greet the owner. Good morning, sir. May I have newspaper please. And his friend said to me one day, you go to him every day of your
life, you are so polite, you're so cheerful. Yet the person is so sullen, he doesn't greet you back, yet you persist and going to him. Look at his response. And I felt his response, as I said was very instructive. He said that men must not tell me how I should behave towards him. Often we spend too much of her time suffering for other people's inadequacies. In life, you must understand the all kinds of people what is even more critical, we learned that you cannot be loved by everyone that is natural. In fact you love by everyone you need to ask yourself this Something is definitely wrong, is easier to please Allah our Creator than to please fellow humanity. In essence, when whatever you
decide, you do the right thing. If people misconstrue you action is out of your control, if people are suspicious of you, is also out of your control. But decision making is an integral part of growing up is an integral part of unleashing a potential is an integral part of making a huge difference. So I can understand, I can understand and empathize with this young lady, or this person who has been for example, traumatized by the kind of indifference. And I want to just share with you one little story, if I may.
I remember many, many years ago, my father when I was a school, and I was although I was a clown at school, but I was a shy clown. I was a sensitive clown. And even my teachers sometimes used to laugh at some of the things that I did. And I used to laugh and my friends thought, you know, I took it in my stride.
unbeknown to them, I still go home and cry, unbeknown to them. And my father is to tell me this. Now remember his words, I don't want you to be a spectator, I want you to take part in public speaking.
So my dad, he should tell me this, I don't want you to be a spectator. And he shared with me his own life experience at school. And he said, when I was instead of seven, which is great nine, I left school because I felt a sense of inferiority. My best friend left school, I have many regrets. And when I knew my dad, I know need to be a very confident speaker person in the public profile. And I felt all of this came naturally with him. He was born with this talent. And he said, You know, I want to please I beseech you, for your own good. So I remember taking part in the first program, I spoke at our civic Hall in a place called pushups and, and my dad was sitting there in the audience
smiling at me. And I was grudgingly giving a speech. It was the longest speech of my life, because of my nervousness. I did Arabic long before I knew what was Arabic is all about shivering and shaking on the stage there. And I spoke. And when I spoke, my father came to me say, Well done, but I realized it was so well done, because I was suffering. But he kept on pushing me and pushing me and pushing me and I had good teachers, some of them who encouraged me and friends who did that, then Alhamdulillah today, with Allah blessing, I cannot thank ally enough and for the support of God, for p from people that connect, I can speak to crowds of 10,000 people without feeling any
trepidation and doubt. And if I did not make a conscious decision that I want to speak, that I will make mistakes, people can laugh at me, then I would remain as a spectator in my own life. And he's not surprising. For example, in America, the public speaking is the greatest fear and death is number six. And I can also understand when a person says when I spoke, I died 1000 times. So to those individuals, I want you to look at yourself, and ask yourself the simple question.
What is the negative impact of you being indecisive or a few not making decisions? I'm sure many of you will tell me, well, I'm a spectator. Well, I'm in the background. I do not have a public profile, I'm afraid to engage with people are Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, there is no good in Him who neither befriends or is befriended.
I look at myself, I have never participated in any civic responsibility. Whenever the call for volunteers, I'm shy, I sit back.
And you realize that even your family is eager to get to know you, who are you, but you have decided that you're not going to speak but the impact on people around you is very, very great. So make that decision. Take that small step, you are going to make mistakes, but learn from your mistakes in the end. Remember, when you die, you die alone. When you suffer, you suffer alone, and those individuals with whom you are interacting with the individuals, you try to please, as much as they can commiserate with you. They cannot take away your pain. They cannot take away your loneliness. They cannot take away the life that you wasted. It is critical. I beseech you. I employ each one of you
to make conscious decisions. It says shake Sadler, you reminded me at one time, the power of intentionality. Therefore we reminded all the reading Salah everyday you're consciously you verbalize it, you articulate it, it's a reminder to you, if you get up every morning and decide that today, I'm going to be happy that today, I'm going to change my attitude. today. I'll affirm myself. Today I'm going to engage with people today the person that works with me in the office, a person I only exchanged pleasantries, I would have some discussion, that person because it's only when I speak, they can get to know me. So I'm going to make those decisions. So remember, in life, one has
many, many opportunities. And you ask those individuals
who have left a legacy and they'll tell you, they got up one morning and made a conscious decision that today that I am going to change that today. I'm going to embrace all that is noble.
People that are around you are all different. You get those that are confident, those that are not so confident. somebody with a high self esteem somebody with a low self esteem, but by and large almost everyone
Everybody around one does procrastinate. Now shakes Angela. What are the different types of procrastinators that you get?
People sometimes held back
because they are negative
negative attitude sometimes but also because of negativity that generates from other factors.
I will mention six types of procrastinators and there are of course, many more than that. But six primary procrastinate is one is the perfectionists. It is not perfect. They do not do it. Only allies perfect only the divine is perfect. Our pursuit of excellence, do the best you can with where you have from where you are, to all the good you can buy all the means you can in every way you can to anyone you can, wherever you can, whenever you can, as long as you can, as best as you can. That's your responsibility. And it will differ from person to person. But perfection is something else. Many people if he's not perfect, they don't engage in it. That in itself leads to
procrastination. Why am I gonna be involved in this committee? Is this these people? It doesn't need to know that person I don't think is, is my standard or so what happens is you avoid participation. So sometimes even perfectionism can be a means of procrastination. Second one is the dream, all great dreams and ideals and everyone dreams. But dreams are good, provided they anchored in reality.
great ideas, but no action. That's why very often people make resolutions, but they don't fulfill them. Every year make resolution by January the first or the first come 10th of Muharram or 10th of January or so, resolutions are gone. And then not only that, we procrastinate even the next resolution in other words, now next year January, knowing this year January didn't work what would make this general genuine genuinely work. So be aware of that. So the dream great ideas but no action. The third one is the warrior, which we have somewhat focused on in the discussion session today and the one we had before this, the people who are worriers they, they over concerned about
things, fear, that change may spoil everything, it may rock the boat, so they worry about everything, rather leave the bag the way it is
then to change because the worry that something may go wrong, it may improve but it must look around to see what he is, then you get the defiers and this will often come from those who are arrogant
or who think they're self sufficient the defier does not want to do what others are doing. I have to be different No No Why should I need to lose weight but I'm not going to the gym. I'm not going to do that.
Local people I want to do something isn't there a shorter way Is there some other way so the defiant then the crisis maker, find problems with everything, like the like the warrior in some way in the perfectionist?
exaggerating minor issues in every small thing. They're so busy focusing on the small issues that they are not able to engage I know of a person for example, talking about weight loss, wanted to go to a particular gym. So all the friends will go into the gym, they registered everything else. This person has an I don't feel like going to the gym because they don't have a Sona they. But the person none of them you were using this phone anyway they using the treadmill and so on. But I don't think I learned this today fine. So ready somewhere else never leads anywhere else either. So sometimes you find the crisis maker find problem with everything, and exaggerating minor issues, which also
sometimes can be a way of avoiding you to do what needs to be done. And then you get the other one who's the overdue. They are so engaged in doing so many tasks, that they are not able to do anything well at all. So this is another thing, but I'm doing something out of change. I'm moving but doing so many things without prioritizing. they're unable to do the tasks that they take on. And then nothing is done well enough. So you get the perfectionist, the dreamer, the warrior, the defier the crisis maker, and of course the overdue be none of these as but it is mentioned, take the small step, a journey of 1000 miles begins with a small step. What is it that I can comfortably do? I
won't defend all my neighbors today. But let me begin with one. And if it doesn't work for that one, it didn't work was that one, it may work with another one. And as the point I want to make a point regarding what brother Idris said before about the issue of engaging people or the neighbor. So segnale said is your lipstick Amazon and FEMA byakko by innovating, make yourself the standard between yourself and the other person. They don't become your standard if they are rude or vulgar. That's them. What is your response ability? How do you respond to that reality and do not judge the world by the mistake of one. Like you don't want people to judge your entire life but one of your
I went to
Just add a few things that humbling.
For me, a critical thing is this, that when you make decisions, they are consequences attached to those decisions. And naturally, if you're motivated by doing good Alhamdulillah, you find it makes a huge, huge difference. So one needs to understand that the many leaders, for example, have made certain decisions, their decisions have impact in the lives of many, many people. So their legacy is going to be a very negative legacy. And it's important, as you rightly indicated, that you must not use one experience to tarnish forever, the impact of decision making. What I want to just share, here is this I just thought of a kind of acronym. If you look at decision, the first D is really
deciding. It's also dedicating now what you taking your life seriously enough, it's important for you, the E is for engaging. It's also for energizing, it's also for empowering, when you make decisions, you feel a sense of empowerment, the C is you taking charge of your life, very important you taking charge. And also it's a commitment, right, it also gives you confidence. The AI is when you make decisions, you often can inspire change, not only in yourself, but you can affect change in other people. The s indecision is you are taking your life seriously enough, you realize it is one life, it also gives you self direction.
The AI is that you are initiating a process. In other words, you can change your landscape, your interior and external landscape by making the decision by initiating a process. The Oh, when you are deciding, you realize my gosh, I have many options. I have many, many choices, really. And I do not have to adopt the victim mentality. In the end is very critical. We often speak about it.
motivational speakers speak or wax lyrical about it is a power of now. So you have that.
Now, gift of a gift of now you can think about it. But sometimes too much of thinking leads to nothing, and say I'm going to do something now.
So we have the procrastinator, who's the perfectionist, the dreamer, the warrior, the defier the crisis maker, and finally, the overdue. Now I'm sure there must be some consequences for this. Idris I liked your acronym, it encompasses quite a bit here, I'm coming back to chefs Angela, they have has to be some reason why all of this is a problem. You know, I can say I'm a dreamer. And it just keeps me away from stress. But if you can please elaborate on the consequences. Yeah, briefly, I think irrespective of what kind of procrastinator you are, basically, the result is the same. You know, whether you find whatever excuse you have for not doing, you are still not doing it. So I
think brother is alluded to that. And I love the decision that he came up with
it pending it down as we were talking, by the way, but failure is one of the consequences. And I don't mean failure, like a stumbling block, like a mistake. But the idea that overall, you will not achieve what could have been achieved if you procrastinate. Even if you do eventually do things. The later you do it. Like someone for example, who decides I need to lose weight right now. And they do it after they had a heart attack. And they're in 60s. So they made a decision, they are doing the right thing. But had they made that at age of 30 or made a big difference in their life. So though you make a decision, don't procrastinate even in the decision making. In other words, you may say
okay, fine, I will do it. I caught myself the first of June. Sometimes think yourself. So you say I made a commitment and not procrastinating. So the question is, in your decision is a poor christian nation, why it was on June 1 of May, for example. So be aware of that, that also can be an obstacle that you you can't be yourself, you call yourself you convince yourself or I made a decision, but you're not moving it. So, failure is one. In other words, the consequence of procrastination, one is failure that is not achieving what could have been achieved or delaying that and that delay may lead you to not a degree of less fulfillment than the kind of fulfillment that you would have been able
to achieve. Had you started earlier and acted earlier. As it is mentioned the end of this
The Power of Now, the second one is regret. How many people live the length of the life, and how few live the breadth of their life. If you look at people like Mr. Rosati and even the Prophet others, who didn't have very long lives, some lives 4850s. But they did so much that entire civilization will revolve around their life, and only a community or a nation, but civilizations were built on the foundation of the existence. My point is, whether it be Jesus look at Buddha peace be upon them, my point I'm making is great personalities whose life made a tremendous impact on other people. And of course, the living example we still have is the Prophet, where he his life model is still a
living example, a practical example for over 1.5 billion people. But the life of a boy was partially orphaned at birth, whose mother died in six was ostracized by his people had to leave had was fought against him, hated by family members of his some of his family members, and eventually comes back to that forgiving and loving and compassionate and became a founder of a civilization that changed the course of history. My point I'm making is, if there was no decision making, if there was no resolve, no commitment, no patient perseverance.
Imagine the difference. So the point is, regret, a sense of non fulfillment. Many people live the length of their lives, but not the breadth and the depth of their lives. The last one is guilt, don't come to the end of life or late in life and say,
I should have I would have I could ever must have, but I didn't. In other words, why did I not do that? Now is the time that you can do that. Even if you can't do all of that you can do some of that. So this is very, very important that the consequence of irrespective of what kind of procrastination, whether perfectionist or overdue or defier, whatever category, you may put it, the consequence of virtually the same, not achieving what you could have achieved a sense of non fulfillment, and of course, a regret and guilt that goes with Why did I not do it when I had the opportunity, don't say that at the end of life. In fact,
one of the points one of the many points that you raise, and I want to refer to one of them,
is the fact that today, we are living at a time.
Okay, one of the points that I want to raise shake saddler is a fact that many people are reactive,
but not proactive. In other words, they're not thinking ahead, they're not anticipate things a part of decision making is to anticipate the future, and we need to learn from other people. I'm also reminded of a book written by Joseph Conrad victory, where the father on his dying bed, said to his son, look on and make no sound. And that philosophy remained with him. In other words, if you see anything happening around you be a spectator. But each time when he tried to help someone, he contributed in some ways to his either his financial downfall or a source of embarrassment. But the word victory is very, very ambiguous. But the son in the end, became victorious. Always father's
philosophy of spectatorship, when he in the end, overcame that philosophy, by getting involved with people. So that decision, he made a conscious decision. And that's very important. In other words, we got to decide consciously, as someone rightly said, Be acutely aware that you are alive and that you have options, they can do so many things, and you need to decide what you want to do with this one life, this one precious life, and in that way, inshallah I have no doubt, you will be able to make a huge difference. Please, my brothers and my sisters, I know it because I deal with many people. Many people are indecisive, many people lack confidence. They look if you look at them,
there is as I said, there is a lingering sadness, Oh, my gosh, the world can be your oyster. The decision is yours now, not tomorrow. But now.
As a listener, I feel that I've fallen into the category of perhaps the perfectionist or the dreamer, the warrior, one of those capture categories that shifts the dimension. And a person might say, Yes, that one definitely fits my profile. And I have so much of regret, or I have so much of guilt. And that's, as you both are saying this is what's holding one back from making further decisions. So, as a listener, the person might say, Well, right now, I'm going to take responsibility, and I'm going to face reality. I'm going to say what's Past is past.
I want to move forward, I want to make this decision. I want to make this change in my life. How do I overcome this procrastination. And I want to know from you now practical solutions for the listener because you've actually empowered the listener to figure out where he is. He knows where he is, he is defined his problem. He is defined that yes, I'm the person who feels that I'm a failure all the time, or I'm full of regret, or I'm full of guilt. Right? Now I'm ready for the solution. How do I overcome this procrastination?
Always was the realization always was a realization for people of faith. Of course, they always realize there is the supreme, the divine, they always tend to, but also the requirement from the divine is that you act and you act appropriately.
If procrastination is delaying the doing of what needs to be done, then overcoming procrastination is to avoid delaying of that which needs to be done.
responsibility, willingness, and determination, coupled with patient perseverance, are essential components in overcoming procrastination. She mentioned taking responsibility, and as the primary thing, effective action springs, not from mere thoughts, and the expression of sentiments from discussion, but from a readiness for responsibility, and the route of being responsible, his own model awareness of our personal accountability, that even if I say, I don't care what it was meant was my life. As a person of faith, you don't have that option, because you are accountable for your life. Life isn't a man is a trust. So the root of being responsible is our moral awareness,
activating our ethical consciousness of our personal accountability. If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop the realization of your potential. And it will increase your desire to accomplish your goals and fulfill your dreams. Because life has a purpose, and you have a mission. Remember, in the voyage of life, the pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist hopes the wind will change the realist with faith, adjust the sale of the boat, and gets to the destination.
Responsibility is not what we would do if we had the time or the means. But what we are prepared to do with what we have from where we are the idea of facing reality, the other point you mentioned,
in order to make a decision, to effectively engage in change, to meet the reality of the challenge of tomorrow, we need to do the following. Identify your goals, your principles, acknowledge your strengths, and your weaknesses,
too. Are your present actions in keeping with your values and your principles.
If not align them three set realistic goals. What do I want to do? Why do I want to do that? How do I get it done? And when do I want to have it accomplished? What Why are in when, and then prioritize your time wisely. Don't leave aside your whole life. This will be part an integral part of your daily living, and if needs be, modify your change your habits for sure. modify your environment and change your attitude. These are fundamental aspects I believe, are essential as practical steps for for taking responsibility for change and for making decisions. This morning, I received a telephone call from a sister who had attended one of my workshops on parenting. And she left I think very
enthusiastic, she felt she learned many things about herself, and perhaps areas that she needs to deal with. And I want people to know
it's about gradualism,
you cannot overnight change the culture and the environment at home. You cannot for example, say you know what, or from tomorrow My home is going to change it is not an event, but a process. And we need to understand that and you can have your low moments, in fact, is like this, you know, when you going for a surgical operation, often the first 48 hours or more painful than prior to the operation. But if you know if your doctor tells you, you know, go through a process you understand that you must say my gosh, if I knew the pain after the op, I wouldn't have gone through the operation and that is very, very critical because you are dealing with other people. So you need to
to persevere, because naturally, if you are a person at home, you have responsibilities. People look up to you when you are going to make decisions. And if you have changed the process, that suddenly people react differently to you, but you need to engage them and say, you know, what, Daddy has been indecisive, or the principal of a school has been indecisive or whatever, and you engage with people, you realize the folly of your ways. You need to inform and talk to them about this. And also tell them please, I want you to be with me in this process, to help me in this process, because I want to grow and when I grow, inshallah, you will be the beneficiaries of my growth. And that's very
important. Because if you look at us, if you look at us, Alhamdulillah, if you look at us, before we know it, we are in the twilight years of our life. But ask those people, those individuals who consciously lived every day to the fullest, every day, had goals have decided on those goals. And every day, even though the life might have been brief, but the impact has been very, very great. So it's very critical for all of us, inshallah, to look at ourselves, honestly, as you said, to introspect to develop realistic goals. He spoke about the optimistic realist and the pessimists. Some people, you look at them, Oh, my gosh, they're always look constipated, others are smiling, the
optimistic, you look at them, yet they go through some very difficult conditions in their life. So for that Alhamdulillah, we have an opportunity, and all of us will be judged by our effort, and not the outcome. Therefore, it is not surprising, it's said that a smile is a sadaqa. It is a charity. So let us begin to smile. And when you smile, you realize that who you thought was your enemy is indeed your friend. In fact, there's a setting of one of the companions, I have never seen a person with a more smiling face than that of the Prophet Muhammad. You know, and that's why I said, Allah was
even smiling to a friend, that is charity. So let's hope we make a decision. And we start changing for the better, but make a decision with a smile, inshallah with a smile indeed. Now, in our first session, we spoke about change. We now know a lot about decision making, why we should not procrastinate and shift study law very succinctly gave us the different procrastinators. What the consequences of procrastination are. And I think the culminating point the shifts that Allah gave us was, realize that yes, I am procrastinating, start to avoid that delay. Start with the small things which you know what came to mind, even something as simple as getting to pray your salon time would
be a start to avoiding procrastination. effective action was the word that you use shucks, Angela. And I think it's, you know, we talk about it, it's in the mind, I need to change this, and I need to get to school on time, I need to get to work on time. But it needs to be effective action, do something right now. And set, as you said, also realistic goals. So we know the importance now of this interest, if you can give us your concluding words, and perhaps even relate, change and decision making for us, please.
I'm hungry law, as you were discussing change. Change is also a process is something that you consciously try to do. And an important thing is this experience is not so much what happens to you, rather what you do to what happens to you. It's about you being the agent of change. It's about you. As Sandra said, being the architect, being the instrument of change is consciously doing things. In fact, you cannot sit back and be a passive receptacle. And when you want to change, basically, you are going to make a certain critical decision. It's a conscious decision to change. And it's important and we need to understand the implications of change. We need to understand that how one
is empowered. So it's very important for all of us insha Allah, to look at people around you don't even read the books of history. Look at people that you regard as people that inspire confidence in you look at what do they do, look at how they conduct meetings, many people can think on the feet and those people are blessed that on the feet they make a decision. It's a better decision may not be the best decision, but part of it is this you cannot shake Sadler rightly said we are not perfectionist but we can
pursue excellence. And it is my fervent hope, our fervent hope and prayer. That today is going to be a turning point in your life, that at this very moment, you're going to look at yourself honestly, to not be taken in by people's very positive perceptions about you may say wonderful things about you along the law. It's a good feeling. Yes, you all like to massage your ego, but deep down you know exactly who you are, what is holding you back, what held you back over the years? Why are you not prepared to make mistakes? Why am I not prepared to make decisions? I have no doubt inshallah, that if you embrace change, and you make decisions, you move definitely from where you are, to where
you would like to be.
Thank you very much subtler and Idris for your inspiring words and the importance of making a decision. Now I am hoping that the listener will be able to think of both of your words of advice. When next the opportunity arises to make a decision, inshallah