How To Handle Marital Dispute And Divorce

share this pageShare Page
Ebrahim Bham

Channel: Ebrahim Bham

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:04

hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Mallanna Viva

00:00:05--> 00:00:07

La Mulana ba bada Walla

00:00:09--> 00:00:15

Walla kita Baba kitabi voila Sharia Tabata Shariati. mavado favela.

00:00:16--> 00:00:36

rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem Rahim. We're in Clifton shikaka benei. Hema hakama Mina de wahaca minalima ereader is La La Vina Houma in Allah Hakuna Ali Mahavira sakalava has him

00:00:37--> 00:00:43

respected elders and brothers. I want to start today's talk by an example.

00:00:44--> 00:01:13

Many times when you and I, we bought an airplane, we find an announcement that is made. That announcement speaks about safety measures. It tells you that if something happens in the plane, this is what you are supposed to do. They also tell you in the unlikely event of a crash, in the unlikely event of a

00:01:14--> 00:01:26

crash landing in the sea or in water, this is what you are supposed to do. Now in a similar manner. Today's talk, I want to speak about something in a similar vein.

00:01:27--> 00:02:27

And that is if something happens to your marriage, how are you supposed to proceed? And it is in the very similar light and similar vein, the way that announcement is made in the unlikely event of a problem in your marriage. What do you do? understand what I'm saying? Just rasa Hawaii jasmijn charter to HIV positive exam Mrs. omnipage gadget M. Arch appname Bianca Jasmine e fossati aghdam kitara zindagi gulzar, Nikki Chun Hee fossati exam lippage kurta? Firstly we know that family is the nucleus of a society. What society is going to become what society is depends upon individual families. Therefore, family is a nucleus of an Islamic Society. Islam has placed great importance on

00:02:27--> 00:02:55

the preservation of the family. And every effort must be made to preserve the family. In Sahih Muslim there is a hadith he believes puts his throne on the water. Right? And then he takes reports from all small shaytans and small gymnasts and they all come and say today we made this person do this wrong. We made him

00:02:56--> 00:03:32

not perform Salah Amnon says Mr. dusty, you're gonna come home Nick Korea, right? He plays lessons doesn't say anything. One he believes comes one gender comes to the bigger police the original police and said a husband and wife were living together properly. I made them fight. I didn't leave them until I made that. Husband after divorce. I broke the family. He please gets up. He bleeds calls it small children said you come and sit here. aptness. subsys Yara camkii

00:03:33--> 00:04:24

royalty may or moon karate apne subsidiary country you have made the best. So Handan maharsha, Raka Sangha buen, yada, or Islam a whiskey he fostered por por GA. That's the reality. But Allah subhanho wa Taala also knows that human beings are different in temperaments. And now also knows that sometimes human beings are such that despite the best of intentions, they will not be able to get along. Sometimes with the best of intentions, they have disputes, they have arguments. Now, what do you do with regard to those particular aspects? Sometimes those arguments and dispute leads to the marriage breaking or sometimes it leads to tension in the marriage. How do you deal with it?

00:04:24--> 00:04:46

Remember one thing, it's something that I want to make mention of the fact that two people do not get along, or two people and a couple, which might lead to divorce does not necessarily make them bad people. It just makes it that they could not get along. Sometimes it's not necessarily

00:04:48--> 00:04:59

just happens that they could not get along. In the Quran. Allah subhanho wa Taala has made mention of Allah. Allah, Allah ma because they do mean hot water and Zoho Janaka

00:05:00--> 00:05:42

is made mentioned with regard to zedi Mini haritha, the adopted son of nebia. Kareem said Allahu alayhi wa sallam, and Xena, the cousin of our beloved Livia cream sauce from Allah, He loves him, we can take a custom both agenda tees don't agenda. But yet despite the fact that the agenda is the head of divorce, they could not get along because of certain reasons. So the fact that you are different, you don't get along can happen, doesn't necessarily make you a bad person doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. However, what we have to understand that people sometimes are different, sometimes they don't get along. How do we deal with us and Latina john J. K in sunny

00:05:42--> 00:06:30

massage without hair, or pocket? Ha ha, LA, Banda T. g smear for 18 k Katerina bought mosquito data? Now what do you do with regard to it? Now in this particular regard, the beauty of Islam, the beauty of Islam is unlike some other religion in Catholicism, for example, even if you are in the worst of marriages, you can break it is against the rule to break the marriage, you have to remain together whether you like it, or you don't like it. The beauty of Islam is Islam has not forced people to be in a marriage in all circumstances. And neither does Islam say, break the marriage for any trivial reason. The beauty of Islam, the middle of Islam, the moderation of Islam, Islam doesn't tell you,

00:06:31--> 00:07:11

you have to remain forever in marriage. Right? That doesn't tell you, it's better to do so. But it doesn't tell you you have to. And it doesn't tell you that you must break it for trivial reasons. Today, we make a joke with regard to it. And they said My mother told me that don't make married don't make money through the means of marriage make money through the means of divorce. So they say that a person went to go and buy one doll for anyone who can buy one doll and stuff. So there are different types of doll This doll is a nurse, this is a teacher This is one and this is a divorced human. So they were divorced human hate the biggest price 1000 a couple of 1000 is it Why? Why is

00:07:11--> 00:07:52

this one so expensive? Say took everything of the husband worth. They say that you know he took everything of the husband worth. Now we don't look at it that we take divorce for every trivial reason. Neither does Islam say you have to stay together. She Allah has said that tele is the worst of all possible things. But it is permissible. And seven I'm saying it doesn't say that it is haram. He didn't say that it is an act of sin. It said that it is permissible. But as far as possible, don't get involved in it. It is the worst of all things that are permissible. So in southern Islam

00:07:54--> 00:08:11

kamya bV kohara Seurat meketa ranakpur merseburg nichia or nahi mamoli Pato por la dee, da. And Nicola has told us with regard to a process, if there is a difference in your marriage, what do you do? What Allah tala says

00:08:12--> 00:08:15

we're lucky to have found a new shoes.

00:08:16--> 00:08:24

When you have a difference with regard to your wife, the men is the the one in whose hand is

00:08:26--> 00:08:34

the nikka objeto Nicola has made mention of it in the second super of the Holy Quran, in whose hand lies the nica is the men

00:08:35--> 00:09:23

and Allah has been very kindly upon us that he has left that the luck in the hands of the men, if it would have left it in the hands of the woman, perhaps subject to tea, everyone would have been perhaps gone allies kept it in the hands of the men, right. However, in this particular regard, what Allah subhanho wa Taala said, well, Nikita hafer is a winner. If you have a difference with your wife, advise her show some form of discipline, show your displeasure, discipline do these type of things. It does not say you must abuse your wife. The way abuse is commonly understood in today's time. Right now via cream sauce. Lamb never lifted his hands on his wife or his children or his

00:09:23--> 00:09:53

slaves never. It is not recorded once in the life of Nivea cream sauce from that he lifted his hands. Those who want to follow the sooner that is going to be a cream saucer. Then Allah tala has told us an amazing way with regard to bringing reconciliation between people. way in 15 shikaka benei Hema phurba Zoo hakama min Allahi wa hakama min ha ha. If there is now Allah tala tells you first

00:09:54--> 00:09:59

up or smear Cusco neubau Mia PV a plasmid was gonna bomb

00:10:00--> 00:10:14

busca sulaco aka Nagasaki you know Osaka Tokyo Karna. Then you bring in the illness of the family. Let A be an arbitrator from the husband side. an arbitrator from the human side.

00:10:15--> 00:10:35

He you read his law. You are fifth in La Habana Houma. Let them come together if they intention is to reconcile. Allah will bring them together. And I must say this. Previously when there was problems in marriages, the elders in the family used to play that role. They used to come and say by

00:10:36--> 00:10:52

tomorrow Come let's sit down and discuss it. today. Elders don't play that role. They used to be a time when the if there was any problem in a marriage, the elders of the family used to get together and they used to resolve issues. Allah has made mention of it further through hakama Minelli.

00:10:53--> 00:11:18

Normally, the arbitrator the person in charge of the husband and the wife will be those whom the husband and wife trust, maybe perhaps the elders, and in this particular regard, an attorney for 18 determines Shula Khurana Kalia Handan, kibou Co Co Op Nikita, Dr. Nicola Kai, the elders must be in that particular situation. I was reading a very amazing quote of Haji Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah.

00:11:19--> 00:12:08

Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah, he said, he's a chef of all our chefs. And he said, the reason today, there is this unity, and these disputes is because of two reasons. Lack of humility and a lack of selflessness. Two things, you don't have humility and you don't have selflessness. So if you are selfish and you are proud, if you are selfish and you are proud, then wapa jugurtha una IANA. If you are the capoeira, Guru, or a plumber in Africa, to RP, chakra chakra, if you are proud, and you are selfish, then that is the root cause of with regard to disputes. So this is what Allah subhanho wa Taala has told us. Now, if after all, attempts have failed, and the remaining together is no more

00:12:08--> 00:13:03

viable, in fact, is counterproductive. Sometimes it's even worse for the children because they see the father and mother fighting all the time. And in this particular regard, it is the objectives of Nika are not being fulfilled. Then one can I'm not saying should or must, one can proceed to tanach one kin, but it should not be done impulsively. And it should be a thought out process. It should not be done impulsively. It should be a thought out process. Hungary's referring to the economic mention of it many times. Other cautious Cuba donor Chi Katerina Namu Kira volcanic Santo look Sandow to Faris surah Khmer Sharia net de la ke jazza da if to stay together is not good.

00:13:04--> 00:13:18

mush kilohana mumkin baka Kumar no look Santa to smasher yet net alakija da. In this, the husband must give the tanach way intellect una mean via de agua Tunica.

00:13:20--> 00:13:47

So the husband is the one who gives the tanach intellect to Muna. Allah tala has also made mention with regard to it. Sometimes it can happen, that the husband knows that the marriage is broken down. He knows it. But despite him knowing that the marriage is broken down, sometimes they're not loving like men and wife, but out of spite, he won't give the data that is wrong for him. sercombe maruf

00:13:48--> 00:14:02

either stay together properly, or then separate amicably. But at the sutra Na Na Moutinho, then separate property, separate property. Allah Allah Tommy local Malay

00:14:03--> 00:14:46

malata don't leave the woman suspended. Neither is she married, neither is she divorced. This is not the right way of Islam. So the the who's gonna give the talent the husband, the wife, if she is not happy. She has several ways with regard to it, she can engage and get into cola. Or she can ask an Islamic government in the absence of an Islamic government, a tribunal, a group of Muftis that my rights are not being fulfilled. I would like out of the marriage via cream sauce, homemade hoorah via cream sauce, made for a wife on one day came to me and said, You're assuming I got no no difficulty was aslak in contact with my husband, but I don't like him. Then maybe a cream sauce

00:14:46--> 00:14:59

tomato Cola, right. So I'm not saying that every particular color is permitted or it should be encouraged. But if the wife is not happy, she also has certain ways to get out of it. But no

00:15:00--> 00:15:09

The talaq will be given by the husband now when he gives tanach look at the beauty of Islam. People don't realize this hamari Yaki by

00:15:10--> 00:15:26

a kitara interlocutor. We only know one way of giving tell us if we're not happy. Give three tracks. That is the worst type of talent. A person who gives three talents is a sinner. he commits a sin

00:15:27--> 00:15:36

whodunit Guna pick up the fact that whether it is effective or not is difference. That is different I will come to it. How do you give

00:15:37--> 00:16:28

the best way of giving turkeys? And I said like, you know, for example, you people are going in a in a in an airplane. So the first thing is, they tell you in the unlikely event this thing happens. That's what you must do. We say the same thing in the unlikely event of a marriage coming to an end. What do you do? You give one o'clock in a state where the woman is clean. She is not in a state of mensis. To give in a state of menses is sinful, although it will be effective. Guna Heskey, Allah, tala Jana Gana Mana, Dr. Chen, what neph is Oh, JD. So what you do you give one color at a time and a woman is back. And then you wait for three menses thereafter. Right thereafter, after three

00:16:28--> 00:17:14

menses, the niqab breaks, you don't have to give another dollar is sufficient. The best us antenna you give $1 in a state of cleanliness. And after that after three toilets, the niqab breaks. Now what is the benefit of this? The benefit of it is it's a thought out process. And then also in cleanliness, there is a little bit more of love and mohabbat. Right? So you're not giving it to her in a state of menses, where perhaps you have not been intimate with her, which could lead to certain types of displeasure, frustration? No. So you're giving it when she's clean, you have the ability to be intimate with her. And then after you give it a time. Now look at the beauty of Islam. After you

00:17:14--> 00:17:30

have given it for three weeks, three, three months or sorry, three menses, if you want to reconcile, very easy to reconcile. So Islam has opened the doors for reconciliation to keep the marriage as far as possible intact, you only have to utter

00:17:32--> 00:17:44

that I am taking back metalock or you can not even do that. You don't even have to do that by coming to Joshua aka, if you just have to go and kiss her your Tilak is broken.

00:17:45--> 00:18:02

If any way any form of affection, that Turlock is broken is normal. Now, do you realize why this is the best form of therapy, it is not done I anger It is something we have done by thinking about the consequences. So, this is a best form of

00:18:03--> 00:18:32

the second form of Tilak which is known as hassane is you give the same thing but you give three blocks in three different cycles. One cycle which is clean the next cycle, which is again clean the next cycle you give three, but over three different cycles. And then after that is a second best form of giving Tilak and the third form of giving Tilak which is known as the lucky bit that is when you give the luck in such a way that you give three in one

00:18:33--> 00:18:51

that is sinful Guna once nebbia cream sauce was sitting someone said yes to law person gave three lakhs in one nebia cream sauce and God rate was anger. who say maca. kiya log? Allah Kitab Casa

00:18:53--> 00:19:03

de Mr. Lucas masaka Kitab Casa are they playing around with a Kitab of Allah? I am in the midst and they still playing around with the Kitab of Allah.

00:19:05--> 00:19:40

that the reason why nopea cream sauce got angry is that it is effective but it is not the way to give the rock. It's not the way to give de la de la gente de mer Yahoo semi Nittany che bulky Tali Mata Sharia kimata avec sa de jati here is that or Waqar? casa, I'm giving you a very amazing thing, that in Islam you don't give kolok in anger. You don't give Telarc impulsively you give it as a thought out thing And may I say if you have to give it, you give it with respect and honor.

00:19:41--> 00:20:00

You give it with respect and honor the way you brought someone's human in your marriage with respect and honor. If you have to let her go you let her go with respect and honor. You don't give it three like just like that as if you've given three. Yes. Is your fault that you gave three in one. It will be if

00:20:00--> 00:20:42

According to all farmers are happy to be effective the tackle taken place. It is like a person having three bullets in a holster. And once he gives it, it is done, no matter how much you regret it is done. But that's not the way Islam doesn't want you to give it impulsively. Islam doesn't want you to give it in a way that it is done on the spur of the moment, it should be done in a way that you think about the consequences. And after you think about the consequences, then you do it with honor and respect. It's permissible. So why must you do it in a way that creates enmity, hostility, and then the husband and wife fight one another, then these court cases that follow the Met, the

00:20:42--> 00:20:44

families don't speak to one another.

00:20:45--> 00:20:59

To establish and visit attalla. To be It is said that sometimes it could be that you couldn't get along. And if you can't get along, think about the consequences. And if you feel that you cannot remain together, then separate amicably with respect and honor.

00:21:00--> 00:21:21

This is the way Islam has made mention with regard to it. And today we don't do this, we are more worried about scoring points. The husband, the wife, the husband's family, the wife's family, although nebbia cream sauce, Emma said Lisa tan, well, Milan, we don't don't we don't make we don't. And the more best example, I will conclude with this beautiful example.

00:21:22--> 00:22:04

You know, in this time, you can give all the different I just tried to give you the gist of Islamic wisdom, how it should be done. So if there is any specific muscle, you must go to the movies. But I'll give you an example of the life of the Ultron. He had a problem with his wife, he couldn't get along. So someone came and asked him and said, Abdullah, I heard you having a problem with your wife. Can you tell me what's the problem with your wife? What is your wife doing? What is her problem? And I believe Newmar said, Do you want me to speak bad about my wife in front of you? Who are you to come and speak to me about the faults of my wife? Do you want me to speak about the

00:22:04--> 00:22:07

faults of my wife in front of you?

00:22:08--> 00:22:15

So he felt a shame. They after it's opened up the labor gave his wife Turlock and then he came back and said,

00:22:16--> 00:22:26

Now she's no more your wife. Tell me what was the problem with her? Why you gave it an ACC dilemma. No one said, Do you want me to speak about a strange woman in front of you?

00:22:27--> 00:22:58

She was my wife. I'm going to tell you about the fault of my wife. Now I've given a talk. She's a strange woman. Do you want me to speak about the faults of a strange woman in front of you? This is the beauty of his time. Every aspect of Islam is good wisdom. The unfortunate part is we do not follow it. And then we blame the Sharia. We do not follow it. We bring difficulty upon ourselves. Otherwise every aspect of Deen is a thought out process. Every aspect of Deen is full of wisdom. Let us follow that.