Bilal Assad – Navigating Mental Health + Q&A

Bilal Assad
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of finding one's own willpower and acknowledging one's own potential to improve one's life. They also stress the need for professional help for mental and physical struggles, including the prevalence of the evil eye and conflict and negative emotions due to delusion. The audience is encouraged to pursue their dreams and not wait for anything.
AI: Transcript ©
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Bismillah Rahmat Rahim Alhamdulillah, Wassalaat was salaamu alaar

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Rasulillah.

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Brothers and sisters, tonight insha'Allah,

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the topic is navigating

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through mental health.

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Now,

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I know some Muslims

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may switch off

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when they hear the topic mental health.

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And I've encountered

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many Muslims,

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who as soon as you say mental illness,

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mental health,

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they brush it off completely

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as if it doesn't exist.

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Or

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they immediately resorted

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to shaitan, jinn's possessions and the evil eye.

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Nothing else.

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Or

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they say there's no such thing.

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This is only lack of iman, faith,

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lack of religious practice,

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or it is a punishment from Allah.

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Some Muslims,

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because they don't understand this area very well,

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may think like that.

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Brothers and sisters, Alhamdulillah,

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we have many scholars

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in our time, scholars of Islam,

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and scholars in science and psychology,

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doctors,

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medical doctors in neurology,

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neuroscience,

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and all

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sorts, Alhamdulillah,

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who belong to the Muslim nation, masha'Allah, the

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Muslim community,

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the Muslim Ummah,

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who are at the forefront,

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who have taught us, and, alhamdulillah, represent

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this area of knowledge.

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And what we're going to ask today are

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questions like,

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is mental health and mental illness a real

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thing in Islam?

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If it's a thing, is it just the

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result of lack of iman or lack of

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religious practice?

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Or is there no such thing

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that it is just a term made up

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by the West and so called psychologists to

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deter people away from religion and iman?

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Is it that it's just, as I said,

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jinn possessions, sehr and evil eye?

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How do I deal with OCDs, obsessive compulsive

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disorders, WISWAAS,

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intrusive thoughts

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that

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overcome me and debilitate me. How do I

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deal with depression,

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anxiety, traumas, and grief?

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Does everyone who feel this

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means that something is mentally wrong with them?

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Are they crazy?

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Is it a punishment? Is it because of

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past sins? Is it because we do sins

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Allah punishes us?

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We're going to address

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all these points insha Allahu died.

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Brothers and sisters,

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mental health and mental illness,

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I have you know, is not a new

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thing in Islam.

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It's been there from the beginning.

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Scholars have spoken about it.

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People like the great Imam Razi

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and Ibn Sina.

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Imam Razi was the first to establish a

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psychiatric ward in 704.

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704,

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just a few

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decades after the death of the prophet sallallahu

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alaihi wa sallam,

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in Baghdad.

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Imam Ibn Sina has a whole book talking

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about the criteria

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of how to diagnose someone with severe mental

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illness and how to treat it.

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People like Imam Ghazali,

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who said,

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I went into 6 months of depression, I

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didn't know what the cause was. And Allah

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assisted me, I went out of it.

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Modern day Muslim religious figures,

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who are also psychologists and professors in the

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field,

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I can name a few of them who

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you can, Insha'Allah, refer to.

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Doctor

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Iyad

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Al Qun Nabi.

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Malallahu, reward him, speaks excellent English as well.

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A professor in this area and a lecturer

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on this area,

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and he is also very well learned

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in Deen and Islam. He has a YouTube

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channel,

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and masha'Allah,

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very

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prominent.

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Professor Tarek Al Habib, again, another scholar of

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Islam and a professor of psychology and psychiatry.

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Among the scholars

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of Islam, purely Islam, who also told us

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about mental health and mental illness, sheikh Ibn

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Usaymin,

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said yes, it exists.

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Sheikh doc doctor Sheikh Osman al Thameez.

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And he added

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that those who say that people with mental

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illness is a result of weak iman is

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not true. He said it's a sickness.

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It's an illness. It's got nothing to do

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with your iman. There are people who have

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really high iman,

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very strong religion,

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but they go through it.

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Among many other scholars,

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in fact, I did not come across any

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Muslim scholar, as far as I know, who

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denied the existence of mental illness.

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And the only difference is

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they included

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spiritual and religious

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treatment

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to the mental illness along

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with the modern day

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therapy treatment

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attached to it.

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Both of them together.

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They said don't leave the deen out, the

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faith and the reliance upon Allah, and the

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things which the prophet Muhammad

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taught us

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in managing

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our spiritual,

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mental,

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physical

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health.

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And many studies

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today have mounted up

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recommending

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spirituality

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and attachment to God.

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Of course we say Allah, God.

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And religion

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to be included as part of therapy. There

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are more studies now who

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and experts in the field who are recommending,

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including

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the issue of spirituality

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and faith in God in

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in treatment, in in therapy.

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And many

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have found that there is a link

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between prayer,

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mediation meditation,

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faith in a higher power, Allah,

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has overall better mental health

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outcomes and lesser rates

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of suicidal tendencies.

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Many many studies are like that, alhamdulillah.

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And some of my sources, other than the

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Islamic sources,

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I usually get amazing

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articles and studies. A lot of them are

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peer reviewed, if you know what I'm talking

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about, from PubMed

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under the National Center For Biotechnology Information,

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well researched biomedical article entries.

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So So those of you who know what

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I'm talking about, it's a really good place

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to look at amazing

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studies on this area.

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Brothers and sisters, where does it all start?

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Where does mental illness start, and what is

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it?

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First of all, brothers and sisters, mental illness

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is not just

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an uncomfortable feeling

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of waswas

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and feeling depressed or feeling anxious or feeling

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fear,

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or feeling slight

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unease,

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or

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getting some intrusive thoughts, as I said before,

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it's not just that.

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Everybody goes through some form of depression, some

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form of anxiety, some form of fear and

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trauma, we all go through it.

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In fact, it's in the Quran.

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In the Quran,

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Allah

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gives it different names.

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In the Quran, you will find all these

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already there.

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Sometimes it's called

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ham,

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worry.

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Zam,

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claustrophobia.

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Hashiya,

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a type of

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fear.

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Khawf,

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a different type of fear.

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Allah says to the prophet

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your chest

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constricts.

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So it's a it's

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it's it's a symptom of anxiety when you

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feel your chest constricting.

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Allah says

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They used to say hurtful words, the prophet

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and he would get his chest would tighten,

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but only because he cared so much about

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them. A lot of people who care a

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lot, they have empathy.

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They feel these things. They're actually amazing people.

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Sometimes the Quran says,

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It's a deep type of

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uncomfortable

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stress that or or uncomfortable

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feeling that a person feels on their chest.

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That's why Allah says when people enter paradise,

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Allah

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says,

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We rip out

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rip out

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whatever there was in their chests

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of ril. Ril

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is

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sometimes can be negative or positive. It's usually

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negative, but it's uncomfortable,

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it hurts you, it pains you.

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Sometimes it can develop into

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hate,

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jealousy, envy,

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can sometimes result in

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just disappointment and so on. So Allah says

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we take all of we * all of

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that out of their chest.

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And if you realize, brothers and sisters, right

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up to this point, the Quran does not

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mention qalil,

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the heart. He mentions chest. Every discomfort,

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all of this is always related to the

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chest, not the heart.

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In the Quran,

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there are three names that refer to the

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heart. I want you to remember this because

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I'm gonna refer to it. Number 1, alqalb,

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the heart.

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Number 2,

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sodur,

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the chest.

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And number 3,

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foad

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or afida.

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Foad means the burning energy of the heart.

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And fada comes from the word fada, which

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means literally to barbecue.

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Shaawi,

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like on the,

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barbecue, literally like the barbecue. When you barbecue

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meat, The heart can have show we can

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have a barbecue sensation, energy of heat.

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Al Kalb is the inside divine moral that

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Allah has given you within yourself. That is

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your faith, your true belief, your trust in

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Allah. The sadr

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is right outside the heart.

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I want you to imagine it, the great

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scholar, Abdul Qayyim,

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in his book,

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ada waddawa and madarajas salikin, he says,

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imagine the heart and the sadr like a

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house

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that's locked up, that's the heart.

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And the courtyard

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outside.

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Intruders may come into the courtyard,

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bad things may come to the courtyard, and

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good things may come to the courtyard, maybe

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good guests.

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And maybe bad people come into the courtyard,

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thieves.

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The stronger you have the security around your

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house, the less likely you will allow or

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those thieves will come in.

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And you have the choice to open for

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them,

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if you want them, or to close the

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door. And the good ones, you open for

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them. That's your heart.

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The difference

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is that if you feel uncomfortable with an

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intrusive feeling,

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but your heart rejects it,

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then know that, alhamdulillah, you're okay.

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And it is just in the courtyard,

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just on your chest.

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For example,

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let's say

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you

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are

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stuck with a sin of some sort,

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and you're not comfortable with it,

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and it annoys you,

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and you're always worried when is it gonna

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go,

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And you're embarrassed to talk about it.

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That means

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that, alhamdulillah,

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your faith in your heart

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is still safe.

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You have not allowed

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the comfort of this sin, the desires to

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enter into your heart yet.

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You're still wrestling with it.

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And the example that I can give,

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it is in the hadith, which is in

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Abu Dawood

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and Nasai

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and Imam Ahmed. It's authenticated by Al Albani.

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That a group of companions came to the

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prophet

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and said to him, You Rasool Allah,

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there are thoughts

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that come to our mind and upon our

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chests,

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which if we were to tell you what

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they are,

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we would rather you light up a fire

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and throw us in that fire

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than to tell you what these thoughts are.

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Intense whispers,

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very uncomfortable.

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They might come to them during their prayer.

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They might come to them during their Quran,

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during when we're there, the prophet sallallahu alaihi

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wasallam. So it's in good environments.

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And the response of the prophet

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was very interesting,

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better than any psychologist or therapist you can

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ever imagine.

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He responded very positively

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and with a cheerful smile as if he

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was celebrating.

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He said to them,

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Awatazidoon azaddik?

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Really? Have you reached the point where you're

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feeling like that?

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As if he was waiting for this,

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that it is an achievement,

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a forward achievement.

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He says,

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Alhamdulillah,

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thanks to God Allah

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and gratitude that he has

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reduced

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the strength and power of the shaitan

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to mere whispers

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then he said something amazing

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the kasarihul

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iman

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That, what you just described,

00:14:05 --> 00:14:06

is the true sign

00:14:07 --> 00:14:09

of true Iman, of true faith.

00:14:12 --> 00:14:13

Do you now see

00:14:14 --> 00:14:16

the opposite of what you were thinking before?

00:14:17 --> 00:14:19

We used to think something is wrong with

00:14:19 --> 00:14:20

my iman.

00:14:21 --> 00:14:24

Perhaps someone came along and told you that.

00:14:25 --> 00:14:26

Perhaps it was your parent,

00:14:27 --> 00:14:27

ignorantly,

00:14:28 --> 00:14:30

all your life telling you that.

00:14:30 --> 00:14:33

Perhaps it was an imam who didn't really

00:14:33 --> 00:14:35

know much about the issues of

00:14:36 --> 00:14:37

this matter.

00:14:38 --> 00:14:38

Could be anybody.

00:14:39 --> 00:14:41

Of course, the more knowledgeable they are, the

00:14:41 --> 00:14:42

less you'll hear those words.

00:14:44 --> 00:14:46

But Rasool sallallahu alaihi wasallam,

00:14:47 --> 00:14:49

he was very positive and optimistic. He says,

00:14:49 --> 00:14:51

that is the truth of iman.

00:14:51 --> 00:14:53

Now, when you say something like that to

00:14:53 --> 00:14:55

someone, that is the absolute first step to

00:14:55 --> 00:14:56

healing

00:14:57 --> 00:14:58

and to minimizing

00:14:59 --> 00:14:59

OCDs,

00:15:00 --> 00:15:01

obsessive compulsive disorders.

00:15:02 --> 00:15:05

Your mental health will be navigated through

00:15:06 --> 00:15:06

easier,

00:15:07 --> 00:15:09

not completely perfect, but easier.

00:15:10 --> 00:15:12

People with this type of thinking and faith,

00:15:13 --> 00:15:15

studies have shown that they are able to

00:15:15 --> 00:15:15

navigate

00:15:16 --> 00:15:17

quicker,

00:15:18 --> 00:15:21

they're able to deal with mental illnesses

00:15:21 --> 00:15:22

better,

00:15:23 --> 00:15:25

Not the best, but better?

00:15:27 --> 00:15:27

Certainly.

00:15:30 --> 00:15:31

So he didn't tell them

00:15:32 --> 00:15:33

to wrestle

00:15:33 --> 00:15:34

or to fight

00:15:35 --> 00:15:36

or to respond

00:15:36 --> 00:15:38

to the whispers. Did you hear any of

00:15:38 --> 00:15:40

those words? He He said, alhamdulillah, the shaitan

00:15:40 --> 00:15:42

is very weak. He just makes you whispers.

00:15:43 --> 00:15:44

And then, alhamdulillah, it's a sign of your

00:15:44 --> 00:15:46

iman. He did not tell them do this

00:15:46 --> 00:15:47

or do that.

00:15:47 --> 00:15:48

Nothing.

00:15:50 --> 00:15:52

And that is the best way to combat

00:15:52 --> 00:15:54

intrusive thoughts and feelings.

00:15:55 --> 00:15:56

The idea

00:15:57 --> 00:15:58

is to recognize

00:15:59 --> 00:16:01

that they are truly intrusive feelings and thoughts.

00:16:01 --> 00:16:03

That's all they are. Number 2,

00:16:04 --> 00:16:05

they are only imagined

00:16:06 --> 00:16:07

by you.

00:16:07 --> 00:16:08

You are

00:16:09 --> 00:16:09

creating

00:16:10 --> 00:16:12

a world in your own mind about it.

00:16:13 --> 00:16:14

Number 3 most importantly,

00:16:15 --> 00:16:17

the idea is not to avoid it,

00:16:18 --> 00:16:19

don't fight it,

00:16:20 --> 00:16:21

don't try

00:16:22 --> 00:16:23

to read more about it,

00:16:24 --> 00:16:26

and try to find what's wrong with you.

00:16:27 --> 00:16:29

I'll even go further than that, and this

00:16:29 --> 00:16:30

is what the scholars said.

00:16:30 --> 00:16:33

If they are intrusive thoughts about your god,

00:16:33 --> 00:16:36

about Allah, about Jannah, about hellfire, about the

00:16:36 --> 00:16:36

Quran,

00:16:38 --> 00:16:39

So long as you are uncomfortable with it,

00:16:39 --> 00:16:41

it means your iman is okay.

00:16:43 --> 00:16:45

This is shaitan's whispers, and he's just coming

00:16:45 --> 00:16:47

to your courtyard. Don't let the thief

00:16:48 --> 00:16:49

in. How do you deal with him?

00:16:50 --> 00:16:52

So long as your heart is safe, don't

00:16:52 --> 00:16:53

even give him attention.

00:16:54 --> 00:16:55

Don't even say

00:16:56 --> 00:16:57

Astaghfirullah.

00:16:59 --> 00:17:01

I've seen it sometimes in Salah.

00:17:02 --> 00:17:04

Some people, they have this obsessive compulsive thought.

00:17:05 --> 00:17:07

Instead of ignoring it, they try to deal

00:17:07 --> 00:17:07

with it

00:17:09 --> 00:17:11

with good heart, but that's the wrong approach.

00:17:11 --> 00:17:13

So they hear a hadith which says, if

00:17:13 --> 00:17:15

you get whispers, turn to your left and

00:17:15 --> 00:17:16

spit 3 times.

00:17:17 --> 00:17:17

And say

00:17:18 --> 00:17:19

3 times. 3

00:17:20 --> 00:17:22

times. That is true, but that's just once

00:17:22 --> 00:17:25

in a while. Rasool Sartan didn't say do

00:17:25 --> 00:17:26

it all the time. It's just once in

00:17:26 --> 00:17:26

a while.

00:17:27 --> 00:17:28

If it gets really bad, once in a

00:17:28 --> 00:17:29

while.

00:17:30 --> 00:17:31

But sometimes I see brothers,

00:17:34 --> 00:17:36

every raka, maybe 4 or 5 times, they

00:17:36 --> 00:17:36

turn.

00:17:38 --> 00:17:40

I remember one brother, I stopped standing next

00:17:40 --> 00:17:40

to him.

00:17:42 --> 00:17:43

I said, I

00:17:43 --> 00:17:46

don't need more of your spit on me.

00:17:50 --> 00:17:51

So this becomes a problem.

00:17:52 --> 00:17:53

Don't even say staghfirullahalazin.

00:17:54 --> 00:17:57

Why? Because you are giving them importance. The

00:17:57 --> 00:17:59

whole idea is you do not give it

00:17:59 --> 00:18:01

importance. I'll give you a very simple example.

00:18:03 --> 00:18:05

Imagine it like

00:18:06 --> 00:18:06

an annoying

00:18:08 --> 00:18:10

person that's standing in front of you,

00:18:11 --> 00:18:12

And that annoying person

00:18:13 --> 00:18:15

cannot stop talking.

00:18:15 --> 00:18:17

He cannot shut up.

00:18:18 --> 00:18:20

Talk, talk, every time you go, and you

00:18:20 --> 00:18:22

cannot get rid of this person, it's just

00:18:22 --> 00:18:23

a yapper.

00:18:23 --> 00:18:26

Yaps and yaps. If you respond, they'll continue

00:18:26 --> 00:18:26

yapping.

00:18:27 --> 00:18:29

If you reply, they'll talk more. If you

00:18:29 --> 00:18:31

tell them to stop, they'll keep going. If

00:18:31 --> 00:18:34

you give them attention, they'll be happy. What's

00:18:34 --> 00:18:36

how do you get rid of that yapper?

00:18:37 --> 00:18:40

Focus on the task that's important to you

00:18:40 --> 00:18:41

now. What are you going to do? What

00:18:41 --> 00:18:43

should you be doing right now? Just do

00:18:43 --> 00:18:46

it. And focus your attention on that, and

00:18:46 --> 00:18:48

let the person continue to talk. Let them

00:18:48 --> 00:18:50

come in and out. No worries. They're only

00:18:50 --> 00:18:52

coming into your courtyard, and they'll go.

00:18:53 --> 00:18:56

As time goes on It doesn't happen like

00:18:56 --> 00:18:57

that, brothers and sisters. Everyone wants a very

00:18:57 --> 00:18:58

quick solution.

00:19:00 --> 00:19:01

It didn't happen overnight.

00:19:02 --> 00:19:03

And it's not going to go away overnight,

00:19:03 --> 00:19:04

but slowly,

00:19:04 --> 00:19:06

you will find it diminishing. And I'm not

00:19:06 --> 00:19:08

talking about people who I'm not saying you

00:19:08 --> 00:19:09

will never get Weswas.

00:19:10 --> 00:19:12

Waswas was was was was was was was

00:19:12 --> 00:19:13

was was was was was was was was

00:19:13 --> 00:19:14

was was was was was was was was

00:19:14 --> 00:19:16

was was always you're gonna get was was

00:19:16 --> 00:19:18

was. You got a brain that keeps going.

00:19:18 --> 00:19:19

You're gonna have Swisswase.

00:19:20 --> 00:19:22

But the idea I mean, Swisswase only works

00:19:22 --> 00:19:23

for certain

00:19:23 --> 00:19:26

reasons, but when it becomes obsessive compulsive,

00:19:26 --> 00:19:27

it debilitates you.

00:19:28 --> 00:19:30

Let it come and go. Don't even fight

00:19:30 --> 00:19:30

it.

00:19:33 --> 00:19:34

Al Quran

00:19:34 --> 00:19:35

talks about

00:19:36 --> 00:19:37

lom.

00:19:37 --> 00:19:38

Lom

00:19:38 --> 00:19:40

is when you blame yourself.

00:19:41 --> 00:19:43

There's a good blaming and a bad blaming.

00:19:44 --> 00:19:46

Blaming yourself means that when you look at

00:19:46 --> 00:19:48

your past sins or your bad choices,

00:19:49 --> 00:19:50

and you say,

00:19:51 --> 00:19:52

I take responsibility

00:19:52 --> 00:19:53

for it,

00:19:54 --> 00:19:55

that's actually healthy.

00:19:56 --> 00:19:57

And then you say, what can I do

00:19:57 --> 00:19:58

about it?

00:19:58 --> 00:20:00

If I can do something about it, alhamdulillah,

00:20:00 --> 00:20:02

I'll do it. If I can't, I ask

00:20:02 --> 00:20:04

Allah to forgive me.

00:20:04 --> 00:20:07

Or it's in the past now, let's move

00:20:07 --> 00:20:07

forward,

00:20:09 --> 00:20:10

and things will be better.

00:20:13 --> 00:20:15

Laum can be good, to blame yourself. But

00:20:15 --> 00:20:17

to blame yourself for something that is irrational.

00:20:21 --> 00:20:21

For example,

00:20:22 --> 00:20:24

you may have been in hospital for a

00:20:24 --> 00:20:24

loved one,

00:20:26 --> 00:20:28

and they passed away, or something bad happened

00:20:28 --> 00:20:28

to them.

00:20:29 --> 00:20:30

The shaytan comes to you in your thoughts

00:20:30 --> 00:20:32

and they say, I should have done this,

00:20:32 --> 00:20:34

I should have done that, I could have

00:20:34 --> 00:20:35

done this, I could have done that. You

00:20:35 --> 00:20:36

know those thoughts?

00:20:37 --> 00:20:38

They will never stop.

00:20:39 --> 00:20:41

And if you were to think about it

00:20:41 --> 00:20:41

properly,

00:20:43 --> 00:20:45

every single thing you do every day

00:20:45 --> 00:20:47

is prone to danger.

00:20:47 --> 00:20:49

You sitting right now where you are,

00:20:50 --> 00:20:52

there's danger, if you think about it.

00:20:52 --> 00:20:54

Crossing the road, there's danger.

00:20:54 --> 00:20:56

Going home, there's danger. Sleeping, there's danger.

00:20:57 --> 00:20:59

How many times did Allah

00:20:59 --> 00:21:00

save you from danger?

00:21:01 --> 00:21:02

Millions of times.

00:21:04 --> 00:21:06

Anytime it could have happened. So how do

00:21:06 --> 00:21:08

you expect yourself to be perfect and strong

00:21:08 --> 00:21:10

and super? The human being is weak.

00:21:11 --> 00:21:12

Allah says in the Quran

00:21:15 --> 00:21:16

The human was created weak.

00:21:17 --> 00:21:19

We are meant to go through these mistakes.

00:21:20 --> 00:21:22

One person said to me that my loved

00:21:22 --> 00:21:24

one passed away. I wish I could have

00:21:24 --> 00:21:26

done this or that, blaming themselves.

00:21:27 --> 00:21:29

So I asked him a simple question.

00:21:30 --> 00:21:31

If you were to turn back time and

00:21:31 --> 00:21:32

go back to that moment,

00:21:34 --> 00:21:36

and you knew exactly what was going to

00:21:36 --> 00:21:36

happen,

00:21:37 --> 00:21:38

and you had the power to do something

00:21:38 --> 00:21:39

else, would you do

00:21:40 --> 00:21:42

it? In an instant, he said, of course.

00:21:44 --> 00:21:45

So that means

00:21:46 --> 00:21:47

you can't blame yourself

00:21:48 --> 00:21:50

because at the time you had no idea

00:21:51 --> 00:21:52

anything could have happened.

00:21:53 --> 00:21:55

And that helped him move forward, insha'allah.

00:21:55 --> 00:21:57

Just change that mindset.

00:22:00 --> 00:22:00

Allah

00:22:01 --> 00:22:01

talks about

00:22:14 --> 00:22:15

Halim,

00:22:15 --> 00:22:17

very kind, compassionate and patient.

00:22:18 --> 00:22:20

Every time he saw his people going astray,

00:22:20 --> 00:22:22

his father going astray, his family going astray,

00:22:23 --> 00:22:25

he had a habit of going, ah.

00:22:25 --> 00:22:27

These are people with empathy because they care,

00:22:28 --> 00:22:30

they think a lot about other people.

00:22:30 --> 00:22:32

If only my father was like this. If

00:22:32 --> 00:22:33

only my people would listen.

00:22:34 --> 00:22:35

And so this is a sign of a

00:22:35 --> 00:22:36

good person, actually.

00:22:38 --> 00:22:40

The Quran mentions Hazan, sadness of the past,

00:22:40 --> 00:22:41

nasab,

00:22:41 --> 00:22:43

which means bodily

00:22:43 --> 00:22:45

tiredness, wasab, which means sicknesses,

00:22:45 --> 00:22:47

other people will harm you.

00:22:47 --> 00:22:48

Allah says to

00:22:50 --> 00:22:50

prophet

00:22:52 --> 00:22:52

Muhammad,

00:22:53 --> 00:22:55

you are about to overburden yourself

00:22:57 --> 00:22:59

by feeling sorry for them that they're not

00:22:59 --> 00:23:01

following the message. No. No. It's not your

00:23:01 --> 00:23:03

responsibility. Allah says to him, you are nothing

00:23:03 --> 00:23:06

but a messenger. You convey and either they

00:23:06 --> 00:23:07

accept or they don't.

00:23:08 --> 00:23:10

Focus on what your responsibility

00:23:11 --> 00:23:13

is and what your control is.

00:23:15 --> 00:23:17

Sometimes, some children, they want to change their

00:23:17 --> 00:23:17

parents.

00:23:19 --> 00:23:21

Or if I've heard, for example, sometimes children,

00:23:21 --> 00:23:22

they say to me, teenagers,

00:23:23 --> 00:23:25

my parents are getting a divorce.

00:23:26 --> 00:23:28

And what can I do about it?

00:23:29 --> 00:23:31

My answer to them firstly is,

00:23:33 --> 00:23:34

it's not your responsibility,

00:23:36 --> 00:23:37

it's theirs.

00:23:38 --> 00:23:40

You didn't make them get married and you're

00:23:40 --> 00:23:41

not the one who got involved in their

00:23:41 --> 00:23:42

divorce.

00:23:42 --> 00:23:44

So number 1, it's not your responsibility.

00:23:44 --> 00:23:45

Don't try

00:23:46 --> 00:23:47

to do this or that.

00:23:47 --> 00:23:48

Number 2.

00:23:49 --> 00:23:50

Don't take sides.

00:23:51 --> 00:23:53

Number 3. Focus on your relationship with your

00:23:53 --> 00:23:53

mom and dad.

00:23:54 --> 00:23:55

And number 4.

00:23:55 --> 00:23:57

Make dua for them.

00:23:58 --> 00:23:59

Because when you take that on yourself, you

00:23:59 --> 00:24:01

have no control over it.

00:24:01 --> 00:24:02

What are your options?

00:24:03 --> 00:24:05

My option is 1, 2, 3, 4. Choose

00:24:05 --> 00:24:07

the best option. And what is within your

00:24:07 --> 00:24:08

responsibility

00:24:09 --> 00:24:09

and your boundary?

00:24:10 --> 00:24:11

That's not your place.

00:24:12 --> 00:24:13

For example.

00:24:14 --> 00:24:15

Just giving you some examples.

00:24:18 --> 00:24:19

Allah talks in the Quran,

00:24:20 --> 00:24:22

We are all going to go through discomforts

00:24:22 --> 00:24:24

and harms and trials in our life. And

00:24:24 --> 00:24:25

fitna

00:24:25 --> 00:24:26

fitna

00:24:26 --> 00:24:28

means mischief, but it also means

00:24:28 --> 00:24:29

cleansing.

00:24:30 --> 00:24:31

Fitna is

00:24:31 --> 00:24:33

when is the process that people

00:24:34 --> 00:24:36

do when they get gold from the ground

00:24:36 --> 00:24:38

and it's mixed with other properties. So it

00:24:38 --> 00:24:39

goes through a process of heating,

00:24:40 --> 00:24:42

so they can extract the pure gold out

00:24:42 --> 00:24:43

of it.

00:24:44 --> 00:24:46

Sometimes we need to go through that. And

00:24:46 --> 00:24:48

I've seen people come out of tragedies, traumas,

00:24:49 --> 00:24:50

hard

00:24:50 --> 00:24:51

times, calamities.

00:24:53 --> 00:24:54

Better

00:24:55 --> 00:24:56

or worse?

00:24:57 --> 00:24:57

What's the difference?

00:24:58 --> 00:24:59

1 got support,

00:25:01 --> 00:25:03

1 relied on Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and

00:25:03 --> 00:25:05

kept going and changed their mentality,

00:25:06 --> 00:25:08

the other one didn't have support

00:25:08 --> 00:25:09

or could not

00:25:10 --> 00:25:11

know how to deal with it.

00:25:12 --> 00:25:14

Some people they say, is it punishment from

00:25:14 --> 00:25:15

Allah?

00:25:16 --> 00:25:17

The answer to that

00:25:19 --> 00:25:19

is

00:25:20 --> 00:25:22

any calamity that happens to you, brothers and

00:25:22 --> 00:25:24

sisters, is neither a punishment

00:25:25 --> 00:25:25

nor a

00:25:26 --> 00:25:26

reward

00:25:27 --> 00:25:28

in and of itself.

00:25:29 --> 00:25:30

It's neutral.

00:25:31 --> 00:25:32

So what determines it to be a reward

00:25:32 --> 00:25:33

or a punishment?

00:25:34 --> 00:25:36

It is your reaction.

00:25:37 --> 00:25:39

It is how you react to it

00:25:40 --> 00:25:42

that turns it into a punishment from Allah

00:25:42 --> 00:25:43

or a reward.

00:25:46 --> 00:25:49

From Allah, no evil, no pure evil comes.

00:25:49 --> 00:25:52

Sometimes there's things that look bad to us.

00:25:53 --> 00:25:54

But from Allah,

00:25:54 --> 00:25:57

there's no pure evil that comes. If there

00:25:57 --> 00:25:58

is something that happens with the permission of

00:25:58 --> 00:26:00

Allah, and some of it looks bad to

00:26:00 --> 00:26:02

us, know that it is a blessing in

00:26:02 --> 00:26:03

disguise.

00:26:04 --> 00:26:06

There is a door in there for you.

00:26:06 --> 00:26:08

There are doors in there for you.

00:26:08 --> 00:26:10

And I always repeat and remind my brothers

00:26:10 --> 00:26:12

and sisters about Allah's names.

00:26:13 --> 00:26:15

Allah's 99 names which He has revealed to

00:26:15 --> 00:26:17

us, there are more. But these are the

00:26:17 --> 00:26:18

ones he revealed to us in the Quran.

00:26:19 --> 00:26:21

On top of it is name Allah, so

00:26:21 --> 00:26:21

it's a 100.

00:26:22 --> 00:26:24

Every name of Allah is positive.

00:26:25 --> 00:26:26

Even the ones that sound negative.

00:26:27 --> 00:26:28

For example,

00:26:29 --> 00:26:31

if you remember from other talks, those who

00:26:31 --> 00:26:32

are who are here, I'll ask you now

00:26:32 --> 00:26:33

to test you.

00:26:33 --> 00:26:35

What comes after the name see, they're put

00:26:35 --> 00:26:37

in a particular order. What comes after the

00:26:37 --> 00:26:38

name Adar?

00:26:39 --> 00:26:40

Adar means the harmer.

00:26:41 --> 00:26:43

That's one of Allah's names. The harmer.

00:26:43 --> 00:26:44

He harms.

00:26:45 --> 00:26:45

Sounds negative.

00:26:46 --> 00:26:49

Adar. But what name of his immediately comes

00:26:49 --> 00:26:49

after that?

00:26:51 --> 00:26:51

Anafiya,

00:26:51 --> 00:26:52

which means?

00:26:53 --> 00:26:55

Benefiter. The benefitter.

00:26:56 --> 00:26:59

So they're paradoxes. They almost contradict, or they're

00:26:59 --> 00:27:00

opposites. Right?

00:27:00 --> 00:27:01

They're polars.

00:27:02 --> 00:27:02

Harm,

00:27:03 --> 00:27:05

benefit. How can one be a perfect

00:27:06 --> 00:27:08

harm and a perfect benefit at the same

00:27:08 --> 00:27:08

time?

00:27:12 --> 00:27:14

It means, the scholars tell us,

00:27:15 --> 00:27:17

that Allah does not harm you unless He

00:27:17 --> 00:27:19

wants to benefit you through it.

00:27:20 --> 00:27:22

Some things you cannot benefit unless the harm

00:27:22 --> 00:27:22

comes first.

00:27:24 --> 00:27:25

Another name of Allah,

00:27:27 --> 00:27:27

Al Hafid,

00:27:29 --> 00:27:29

Al Raafi'ah.

00:27:30 --> 00:27:31

The demoter,

00:27:32 --> 00:27:32

down,

00:27:33 --> 00:27:34

the promoter.

00:27:35 --> 00:27:36

Again,

00:27:37 --> 00:27:39

looks like a paradox, looks like a polar

00:27:40 --> 00:27:40

meaning.

00:27:41 --> 00:27:43

Allah will not demote you

00:27:43 --> 00:27:45

except to promote you.

00:27:46 --> 00:27:47

The prophet, peace be upon him, said,

00:27:51 --> 00:27:51

Whoever

00:27:52 --> 00:27:53

humbles themselves

00:27:53 --> 00:27:54

for the sake of

00:27:54 --> 00:27:57

Allah, steps on their ego, steps on their

00:27:57 --> 00:27:57

arrogance

00:27:58 --> 00:27:59

for the sake of Allah.

00:28:00 --> 00:28:01

So you have the strength and you have

00:28:01 --> 00:28:03

the power to oppress. You have the strength

00:28:03 --> 00:28:04

and the power to show off. You have

00:28:04 --> 00:28:06

the strength and the power

00:28:06 --> 00:28:09

to look better than others, superior. Instead, you

00:28:09 --> 00:28:10

step on it.

00:28:10 --> 00:28:11

You humble yourself

00:28:12 --> 00:28:14

and you remember what you were created from.

00:28:14 --> 00:28:17

You and I were created from what? What

00:28:17 --> 00:28:18

is that we're created from?

00:28:19 --> 00:28:19

Right?

00:28:20 --> 00:28:21

Remember what you're created from and what you're

00:28:21 --> 00:28:24

gonna become. Humble yourself. Rasool Sallay says, whoever

00:28:24 --> 00:28:26

humbles themselves for the sake of Allah, Allah

00:28:26 --> 00:28:27

will always lift them.

00:28:28 --> 00:28:30

Through humbleness comes your importance.

00:28:32 --> 00:28:33

And this is when the hadith from

00:28:34 --> 00:28:36

really comes into effect, when he said, if

00:28:36 --> 00:28:39

Allah loves a servant of His, He tells

00:28:39 --> 00:28:40

Jibril

00:28:40 --> 00:28:42

Jibril loves him, and He tells the angels,

00:28:42 --> 00:28:43

and the angels begin to love him, and

00:28:43 --> 00:28:46

then his acceptance is placed on earth. Even

00:28:46 --> 00:28:47

the enemy respects you.

00:28:48 --> 00:28:50

The person who humbles I'm not talking about

00:28:50 --> 00:28:51

the person who puts his head on the

00:28:51 --> 00:28:52

floor for others to step on it.

00:28:53 --> 00:28:55

That's not the same as humbling.

00:28:55 --> 00:28:57

Humbling is when you have the power and

00:28:57 --> 00:28:58

the ability.

00:28:59 --> 00:29:00

But you

00:29:02 --> 00:29:03

act

00:29:04 --> 00:29:05

below your reality.

00:29:08 --> 00:29:08

You

00:29:08 --> 00:29:10

humble yourself to the level of other people.

00:29:11 --> 00:29:12

Rasool

00:29:12 --> 00:29:13

was like that.

00:29:14 --> 00:29:16

And if you were to turn back time

00:29:16 --> 00:29:18

and go back a 1,400

00:29:18 --> 00:29:19

and something years ago,

00:29:20 --> 00:29:21

those of you who have been in past

00:29:21 --> 00:29:23

lectures, you will know the answer to this.

00:29:24 --> 00:29:26

Where do you think is one of the

00:29:26 --> 00:29:28

most likely places

00:29:28 --> 00:29:29

to find

00:29:30 --> 00:29:32

the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam? If you were

00:29:32 --> 00:29:33

to go back in time, you searched

00:29:34 --> 00:29:36

for the messenger sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Where are

00:29:36 --> 00:29:37

one of the

00:29:37 --> 00:29:38

likely places,

00:29:39 --> 00:29:42

if not the most likely, to find him?

00:29:43 --> 00:29:45

Of course. Among the poor people. Just look

00:29:45 --> 00:29:47

for a gathering of poor people,

00:29:47 --> 00:29:49

and your chances are higher in finding the

00:29:49 --> 00:29:51

proper peace be upon him. And when you

00:29:51 --> 00:29:52

find him among the poor people, if he's

00:29:52 --> 00:29:54

got his head down, it's not even easy

00:29:54 --> 00:29:54

to

00:29:55 --> 00:29:56

pick him out,

00:29:56 --> 00:29:58

because he used to dress like

00:29:59 --> 00:30:01

them. He wouldn't go and sit with the

00:30:01 --> 00:30:03

poor people and dress better than them,

00:30:04 --> 00:30:05

or sit higher than them

00:30:06 --> 00:30:07

or act

00:30:07 --> 00:30:08

more,

00:30:11 --> 00:30:12

present than them.

00:30:13 --> 00:30:14

He was with

00:30:16 --> 00:30:17

them. So

00:30:19 --> 00:30:19

so

00:30:19 --> 00:30:21

whoever humbles himself will say, will Allah lift

00:30:21 --> 00:30:23

You can see, brothers and sisters, through what

00:30:23 --> 00:30:24

I'm trying to say here, these are all

00:30:24 --> 00:30:25

healings.

00:30:26 --> 00:30:28

These are all ways for your mental health.

00:30:31 --> 00:30:34

Where does mental illness begin?

00:30:34 --> 00:30:35

Does anyone know?

00:30:39 --> 00:30:42

Big studies about this. And even the entire

00:30:42 --> 00:30:43

sunnah

00:30:44 --> 00:30:44

supports

00:30:45 --> 00:30:46

this. For those of you who study the

00:30:46 --> 00:30:48

seerah, the biography of the prophet you

00:30:49 --> 00:30:50

will see through his actions,

00:30:51 --> 00:30:53

just by working it out, where does the

00:30:53 --> 00:30:55

likelihood of mental illness,

00:30:56 --> 00:30:56

trauma

00:30:57 --> 00:31:00

start in a person? If a person grew

00:31:00 --> 00:31:01

up with this, where do you think it

00:31:01 --> 00:31:02

all started?

00:31:03 --> 00:31:04

In their childhood.

00:31:06 --> 00:31:07

Most of it is in the childhood.

00:31:09 --> 00:31:10

The childhood.

00:31:11 --> 00:31:13

Now the studies have mounted more and more

00:31:13 --> 00:31:14

and more. It's established.

00:31:15 --> 00:31:16

Most of it starts in childhood.

00:31:17 --> 00:31:17

How?

00:31:19 --> 00:31:19

How

00:31:20 --> 00:31:20

and why?

00:31:22 --> 00:31:23

Have you heard

00:31:25 --> 00:31:27

of a term called neuroplasticity?

00:31:29 --> 00:31:31

Yes? Hands up if you heard of or

00:31:31 --> 00:31:33

it's also called brain plasticity.

00:31:33 --> 00:31:35

Yes. Some of you. Well done, masha'Allah.

00:31:36 --> 00:31:38

Literally, brothers and sisters,

00:31:39 --> 00:31:41

the brain that you and I have,

00:31:42 --> 00:31:43

you and I have control

00:31:44 --> 00:31:44

over

00:31:45 --> 00:31:48

changing it in the way we want.

00:31:48 --> 00:31:50

It's not an easy task, but we can.

00:31:50 --> 00:31:52

And you can teach your children

00:31:52 --> 00:31:54

that they are able to change their brains.

00:31:55 --> 00:31:57

Just give them the example of Legos.

00:31:58 --> 00:31:59

You can

00:32:00 --> 00:32:01

build the Legos,

00:32:01 --> 00:32:03

dismantle the Legos, rebuild them in a different

00:32:03 --> 00:32:06

way, change parts of it here, like Legos,

00:32:06 --> 00:32:07

like blocks of Legos,

00:32:07 --> 00:32:08

our brain is.

00:32:09 --> 00:32:11

Right inside, there are little tiny channels.

00:32:13 --> 00:32:16

Alright? Neurons connect to other neurons.

00:32:17 --> 00:32:20

Allahu 'alam, 30,000,000,000, 300,000,000,000, I don't know, many

00:32:20 --> 00:32:21

billions of neurons.

00:32:21 --> 00:32:23

They connect and they make highways and and

00:32:23 --> 00:32:24

roads.

00:32:26 --> 00:32:28

And they grow. Like these little roots, they

00:32:28 --> 00:32:29

grow,

00:32:29 --> 00:32:31

and they make new bridges and connections.

00:32:33 --> 00:32:34

When you develop habits,

00:32:35 --> 00:32:38

these channels grow. Develop other habits, these channels

00:32:38 --> 00:32:40

grow. You stop certain habits, the channels get

00:32:40 --> 00:32:42

less. Other channels grow. Your brain gets rewired

00:32:42 --> 00:32:43

every time.

00:32:45 --> 00:32:46

It's a beautiful study.

00:32:47 --> 00:32:48

And Allah,

00:32:49 --> 00:32:50

he tells us that in the Quran.

00:32:52 --> 00:32:53

He tells us

00:32:55 --> 00:32:56

that we are responsible

00:32:57 --> 00:32:59

for what our brains decide.

00:33:01 --> 00:33:03

But the ones we're responsible for is the

00:33:03 --> 00:33:05

one right at the front of our brain

00:33:05 --> 00:33:06

not the rest of our brain.

00:33:07 --> 00:33:09

Does anyone know

00:33:09 --> 00:33:10

at what age

00:33:11 --> 00:33:14

the child's brain is almost fully complete

00:33:15 --> 00:33:17

close to adulthood. At what age do you

00:33:17 --> 00:33:18

think it's almost fully complete?

00:33:20 --> 00:33:21

7.

00:33:21 --> 00:33:24

7? Okay. Good. About modern studies tell us

00:33:24 --> 00:33:27

about 6. Could be 7, around that age.

00:33:27 --> 00:33:28

It's true.

00:33:29 --> 00:33:31

That means the way the child grew up

00:33:31 --> 00:33:33

with their parents and their environment

00:33:33 --> 00:33:34

and their experiences,

00:33:36 --> 00:33:38

there are those channels in the brain have

00:33:38 --> 00:33:39

already been set

00:33:41 --> 00:33:43

at 6 or 7 years old.

00:33:45 --> 00:33:47

After that, the brain starts developing a different

00:33:47 --> 00:33:49

way. When you reach puberty, guess what starts

00:33:49 --> 00:33:50

to develop in your brain?

00:33:52 --> 00:33:53

The front part of your brain.

00:33:54 --> 00:33:55

Anyone know the name of the front part

00:33:55 --> 00:33:58

of the brain that develops after puberty? Prefrontal

00:33:58 --> 00:34:01

cortex. Prefrontal cortex. That keeps growing until about

00:34:01 --> 00:34:03

25 years old. That's the place responsible for

00:34:03 --> 00:34:06

judgment, decision making, fears, and so on and

00:34:06 --> 00:34:09

so forth. Rationale and all that, making decisions

00:34:09 --> 00:34:10

through it.

00:34:11 --> 00:34:12

Allah says in the Quran,

00:34:22 --> 00:34:23

If he does not desist

00:34:24 --> 00:34:26

from his oppressive and wrong actions,

00:34:27 --> 00:34:29

But in general to all of us, the

00:34:29 --> 00:34:31

human who oppresses and does wrong,

00:34:32 --> 00:34:34

we shall take him by his forelock

00:34:34 --> 00:34:35

on the day of judgment.

00:34:36 --> 00:34:38

A lying sinful forelock.

00:34:39 --> 00:34:42

Forelock here is the frontal cortex responsible for

00:34:42 --> 00:34:44

decisions. Allah called it lying and sinful because

00:34:44 --> 00:34:47

we have control over that. Now what affects

00:34:47 --> 00:34:48

that? Our brain development.

00:34:49 --> 00:34:51

Now when you understand this, brothers and sisters,

00:34:51 --> 00:34:52

you have a bit more empathy on yourself.

00:34:52 --> 00:34:53

You say to yourself, subhanAllah,

00:34:54 --> 00:34:56

my upbringing was a little bit like this

00:34:56 --> 00:34:58

and like that. Can I change it? Yes.

00:34:58 --> 00:35:00

Insha'Allah, you can. Ibn Qayyim

00:35:01 --> 00:35:02

writes in his book,

00:35:11 --> 00:35:13

for the divine seek for the seeker of

00:35:13 --> 00:35:15

the divine. And a doubt would thaw out

00:35:15 --> 00:35:16

the sickness and its cure.

00:35:17 --> 00:35:18

He mentions

00:35:18 --> 00:35:19

how

00:35:20 --> 00:35:22

habits develop, good and bad habits. So he

00:35:22 --> 00:35:24

uses the example of sins.

00:35:24 --> 00:35:27

He says every bad habit, every sinful habit

00:35:27 --> 00:35:29

begins with a thought.

00:35:30 --> 00:35:31

A what?

00:35:31 --> 00:35:32

A thought.

00:35:33 --> 00:35:36

Whisper comes and goes. If you catch that

00:35:36 --> 00:35:38

thought and hold on to it, it turns

00:35:38 --> 00:35:39

into an idea.

00:35:41 --> 00:35:42

If you hold on to the idea

00:35:43 --> 00:35:45

and that repeller, it turns into

00:35:45 --> 00:35:46

a plan.

00:35:47 --> 00:35:49

If you hold on to the plan and

00:35:49 --> 00:35:51

you don't repel it, it turns into

00:35:51 --> 00:35:52

an action.

00:35:53 --> 00:35:54

If you repeat the action,

00:35:55 --> 00:35:56

the less

00:35:57 --> 00:35:59

you feel sensitive towards it and the more

00:35:59 --> 00:36:00

normalized it becomes,

00:36:01 --> 00:36:02

then it turns into a habit.

00:36:03 --> 00:36:05

And what do habits turn into if you

00:36:05 --> 00:36:06

don't deal with them?

00:36:07 --> 00:36:08

Addictions.

00:36:10 --> 00:36:10

Now,

00:36:11 --> 00:36:11

the reversal

00:36:12 --> 00:36:13

is the same way.

00:36:13 --> 00:36:15

Come up with a thought to counter

00:36:15 --> 00:36:17

it, then get an idea, plan it, do

00:36:17 --> 00:36:20

an action, get into the opposite habit again

00:36:20 --> 00:36:22

and again and inshallah it'll go away.

00:36:24 --> 00:36:24

Example.

00:36:26 --> 00:36:27

A young person

00:36:28 --> 00:36:29

reaches puberty

00:36:30 --> 00:36:32

and the hormones begin to

00:36:34 --> 00:36:34

ignite,

00:36:35 --> 00:36:36

sexual hormones.

00:36:37 --> 00:36:39

A friend at school says

00:36:40 --> 00:36:42

there are websites you can look at to

00:36:42 --> 00:36:42

satisfy

00:36:43 --> 00:36:44

your desire.

00:36:46 --> 00:36:48

He goes and thinks, my parents watch me

00:36:48 --> 00:36:49

everywhere, they've got this, I then he gets

00:36:50 --> 00:36:51

he goes, how am I going to do

00:36:51 --> 00:36:52

it? I've got a thought, a thought I

00:36:52 --> 00:36:53

want to look.

00:36:54 --> 00:36:55

How am I going to do it? I'll

00:36:55 --> 00:36:56

get an idea.

00:36:56 --> 00:36:57

The idea

00:36:57 --> 00:36:58

is use

00:36:58 --> 00:37:01

some kind of software or some way, ask

00:37:01 --> 00:37:02

my friends.

00:37:03 --> 00:37:05

Then a plan, I'll choose the right time,

00:37:05 --> 00:37:06

this is where I'm gonna look.

00:37:07 --> 00:37:08

Then the action happens.

00:37:08 --> 00:37:09

They didn't get caught.

00:37:10 --> 00:37:12

So they remember the pleasure.

00:37:15 --> 00:37:16

Next time, again

00:37:17 --> 00:37:18

and again

00:37:19 --> 00:37:19

and again

00:37:20 --> 00:37:23

and again, then it becomes a habit.

00:37:23 --> 00:37:24

Then it becomes

00:37:25 --> 00:37:26

an addiction.

00:37:27 --> 00:37:28

How to reverse that?

00:37:28 --> 00:37:30

Number 1, you need willpower.

00:37:30 --> 00:37:32

You need to make that decision. Make wudu,

00:37:33 --> 00:37:34

pray 2 rakaz,

00:37:35 --> 00:37:37

and say, oh Allah, I have made the

00:37:37 --> 00:37:38

decision to work on myself,

00:37:38 --> 00:37:40

assist me and help me with your support.

00:37:40 --> 00:37:42

So you gotta make the decision.

00:37:43 --> 00:37:44

Then move forward.

00:37:45 --> 00:37:45

Think.

00:37:46 --> 00:37:47

You've got the thought. What's the idea?

00:37:48 --> 00:37:49

Reverse it.

00:37:49 --> 00:37:51

Well, when does it normally happen? It happens

00:37:51 --> 00:37:52

at night at this time.

00:37:53 --> 00:37:54

Through what? Through my device.

00:37:55 --> 00:37:56

Okay.

00:37:56 --> 00:37:58

Get rid of my

00:37:58 --> 00:38:00

VPN, whatever it is that I'm using.

00:38:01 --> 00:38:01

Put

00:38:02 --> 00:38:03

a, you

00:38:03 --> 00:38:05

know, an app that stops these websites from

00:38:05 --> 00:38:06

coming up,

00:38:06 --> 00:38:08

and put your phone outside in the lounge

00:38:08 --> 00:38:10

when you go to sleep and sleep.

00:38:11 --> 00:38:12

The first time it's very hard.

00:38:13 --> 00:38:14

But as you go forward, insha'allah,

00:38:15 --> 00:38:17

sometimes you need support, sometimes you need to

00:38:17 --> 00:38:18

talk to a friend or somebody.

00:38:19 --> 00:38:21

And you can reverse it. It's not easy,

00:38:21 --> 00:38:23

but you can. And the rewiring in your

00:38:23 --> 00:38:26

brain changes, and that's how you find the

00:38:26 --> 00:38:28

willpower afterwards. 1 brother, he said to me,

00:38:28 --> 00:38:29

brother, I want to pray at the masjid

00:38:29 --> 00:38:30

every fajr.

00:38:31 --> 00:38:32

I said, it's a big task.

00:38:32 --> 00:38:33

He said, how can I do it? I

00:38:33 --> 00:38:35

said, start with a thought,

00:38:35 --> 00:38:36

then get an idea,

00:38:37 --> 00:38:39

then plan it, then do it.

00:38:39 --> 00:38:40

He said, my thought is to pray in

00:38:40 --> 00:38:42

the masjid every fajr.

00:38:42 --> 00:38:44

What's the idea? He said, I'm going to

00:38:44 --> 00:38:45

sleep a little bit early because my problem

00:38:45 --> 00:38:47

is that if I don't sleep early, I

00:38:47 --> 00:38:48

can't wake up. Next, I'm not going to

00:38:48 --> 00:38:50

drink coffee, I'm not going to eat late.

00:38:50 --> 00:38:52

My last meal will be 8:8 PM, for

00:38:52 --> 00:38:55

example. Whatever he did, he knew himself.

00:38:55 --> 00:38:58

He planned for it. Then he woke up,

00:38:58 --> 00:39:00

first time was out, second time was out.

00:39:00 --> 00:39:02

Now, I played with his brain as well.

00:39:02 --> 00:39:04

Studying neuroplasticity, you've got to help him a

00:39:04 --> 00:39:05

bit. So I said to him, I just

00:39:05 --> 00:39:07

gave him a number, I just gave him

00:39:07 --> 00:39:09

any number, I said, it'll take you 40

00:39:09 --> 00:39:09

days.

00:39:11 --> 00:39:13

Maybe it's right, maybe it's wrong, I just

00:39:13 --> 00:39:14

said 40 days.

00:39:16 --> 00:39:17

The brother, after 40 days,

00:39:18 --> 00:39:19

went to give a talk in Sydney.

00:39:20 --> 00:39:22

And when I say after 40 days, meaning

00:39:22 --> 00:39:23

like 2 months later or 3 months later,

00:39:23 --> 00:39:25

I went there, but it was that he

00:39:25 --> 00:39:27

comes up and he says, brother, wallahi, it

00:39:27 --> 00:39:27

worked.

00:39:28 --> 00:39:29

40 days.

00:39:30 --> 00:39:32

I couldn't turn back anymore. Till now I'm

00:39:32 --> 00:39:33

doing it.

00:39:33 --> 00:39:34

I said, maybe I should have said to

00:39:34 --> 00:39:37

him 20 days. Maybe something like that. But

00:39:37 --> 00:39:38

the point is, brothers and sisters, he reversed

00:39:38 --> 00:39:39

it.

00:39:39 --> 00:39:41

And it became a habit.

00:39:41 --> 00:39:42

It became easy.

00:39:43 --> 00:39:45

But you can't expect everything to happen straight

00:39:45 --> 00:39:46

away.

00:39:46 --> 00:39:48

It happens slowly, Insha'Allah.

00:39:48 --> 00:39:49

Neuroplasticity,

00:39:49 --> 00:39:51

your body all reacts to it, everything.

00:39:53 --> 00:39:54

Childhood traumas

00:39:55 --> 00:39:56

start with the parents and the way they

00:39:56 --> 00:39:57

talk to their children.

00:39:59 --> 00:40:00

Especially children

00:40:01 --> 00:40:03

who have something called ADHD.

00:40:06 --> 00:40:08

It's a problem with attention,

00:40:08 --> 00:40:09

attention disorder.

00:40:11 --> 00:40:12

And what happens is that we don't understand

00:40:12 --> 00:40:14

it, we don't read a lot, we tend

00:40:15 --> 00:40:16

to make it worse.

00:40:18 --> 00:40:20

This this child truly is born with a

00:40:20 --> 00:40:21

slight delay.

00:40:24 --> 00:40:26

At the same age, they're just not as

00:40:26 --> 00:40:28

attentive as others their age.

00:40:28 --> 00:40:30

Now how do I know this? I'm not

00:40:30 --> 00:40:32

a psychologist, alhamdulillah. I may be talking like

00:40:32 --> 00:40:35

I am, but I'm not. However, alhamdulillah, I've

00:40:35 --> 00:40:37

been a teacher for about 20 years and

00:40:37 --> 00:40:39

in well-being and counseling for teenagers.

00:40:40 --> 00:40:42

So I've learned along the way working with

00:40:42 --> 00:40:42

psychologists

00:40:43 --> 00:40:46

and having experience in this area. Reading a

00:40:46 --> 00:40:47

lot, doing a lot of

00:40:48 --> 00:40:49

workshops in this area.

00:40:49 --> 00:40:50

We've come to

00:40:51 --> 00:40:52

know all these new names.

00:40:54 --> 00:40:55

And in the beginning, I thought they weren't

00:40:55 --> 00:40:58

even real. Just pray to Allah ins to

00:40:58 --> 00:40:59

shaitan. But in the end, I thought, no,

00:40:59 --> 00:41:01

they are real. We've had to experience this

00:41:01 --> 00:41:04

with students. And subhanallah, I changed my approach

00:41:05 --> 00:41:06

in my classroom teaching.

00:41:07 --> 00:41:08

Alhamdulillah, it worked.

00:41:09 --> 00:41:11

One of the first things we're taught, a

00:41:11 --> 00:41:12

good teacher,

00:41:12 --> 00:41:14

is do not

00:41:15 --> 00:41:16

jump to assumptions

00:41:17 --> 00:41:18

about your students.

00:41:19 --> 00:41:21

Same with your children. Do not jump to

00:41:21 --> 00:41:22

assumptions

00:41:22 --> 00:41:25

about your about your children. And don't compare

00:41:25 --> 00:41:27

your children to your other children.

00:41:27 --> 00:41:28

No child

00:41:29 --> 00:41:29

experiences

00:41:29 --> 00:41:30

the same upbringing

00:41:31 --> 00:41:33

as the other as their sibling.

00:41:34 --> 00:41:35

A brother, who is the oldest,

00:41:36 --> 00:41:38

does not have the same experience as the

00:41:38 --> 00:41:39

brother who is second,

00:41:40 --> 00:41:42

or the youngest, or the middle child, or

00:41:42 --> 00:41:44

the girl. It's like each one had their

00:41:44 --> 00:41:45

own family.

00:41:46 --> 00:41:47

Literally, if you have 5 children,

00:41:48 --> 00:41:50

they had 5 different families.

00:41:51 --> 00:41:53

The older child is is treated different to

00:41:53 --> 00:41:55

the youngest one. The youngest one is spoiled.

00:41:56 --> 00:41:57

Everything is cute.

00:41:59 --> 00:42:00

The older one has a bit more responsibility,

00:42:01 --> 00:42:01

that's

00:42:02 --> 00:42:04

and the middle one is usually

00:42:04 --> 00:42:04

neglected.

00:42:06 --> 00:42:08

And then we come to

00:42:08 --> 00:42:11

treat each one of them with the same

00:42:11 --> 00:42:13

consequence and the same words.

00:42:13 --> 00:42:15

It's very hard to parent, and Allah subhanahu

00:42:15 --> 00:42:16

wa ta'ala forgives us for our shortcoming.

00:42:17 --> 00:42:19

But we do need to read more about

00:42:19 --> 00:42:20

parenting and these new names.

00:42:21 --> 00:42:23

So you have a child, for example, who

00:42:23 --> 00:42:24

is diagnosed

00:42:25 --> 00:42:26

with ADHD.

00:42:26 --> 00:42:28

Now, before I say something,

00:42:29 --> 00:42:31

one thing I tell my young brothers and

00:42:31 --> 00:42:32

sisters,

00:42:32 --> 00:42:33

my dear

00:42:34 --> 00:42:35

my dear, and I'm old enough to be

00:42:35 --> 00:42:37

your father for some of you, my dear

00:42:37 --> 00:42:38

son, my dear daughter, my dear brother, my

00:42:38 --> 00:42:39

dear sister.

00:42:40 --> 00:42:41

Never ever ever

00:42:43 --> 00:42:45

remember this, never ever

00:42:46 --> 00:42:47

self diagnose.

00:42:50 --> 00:42:52

Don't diagnose yourself as if you're your psychologist.

00:42:53 --> 00:42:55

Just because you had a bit of anxiety

00:42:55 --> 00:42:56

or a bit of depression or a bit

00:42:56 --> 00:42:59

of your chest was a little bit constricted

00:42:59 --> 00:43:01

does not mean you are sick.

00:43:02 --> 00:43:04

The moment you diagnose yourself,

00:43:05 --> 00:43:06

you create a sickness.

00:43:07 --> 00:43:10

For a person to be that, you need

00:43:10 --> 00:43:10

to be professionally

00:43:11 --> 00:43:11

diagnosed.

00:43:14 --> 00:43:15

It has to be extreme.

00:43:17 --> 00:43:18

Major depression,

00:43:19 --> 00:43:20

major anxiety,

00:43:22 --> 00:43:23

major trauma.

00:43:24 --> 00:43:27

Just because, you know, we've been through traumas

00:43:27 --> 00:43:29

before does not mean necessarily you have post

00:43:29 --> 00:43:31

traumatic stress disorder.

00:43:32 --> 00:43:34

It takes a lot to get there. It

00:43:34 --> 00:43:35

takes a lot.

00:43:36 --> 00:43:38

In fact, the psychologists have created criterias. And

00:43:38 --> 00:43:39

you know what? Ibn

00:43:40 --> 00:43:40

Arazi

00:43:41 --> 00:43:43

and ibn Sina, the great scholars I told

00:43:43 --> 00:43:46

you about of Islam, they actually had these

00:43:46 --> 00:43:48

criteria all set up, and they use them

00:43:48 --> 00:43:50

today. They just didn't know where it came

00:43:50 --> 00:43:52

from, but they built on them criteria

00:43:52 --> 00:43:53

that, for example,

00:43:53 --> 00:43:55

for a person to be diagnosed with a

00:43:55 --> 00:43:57

mental illness, they have to have a quantity,

00:43:58 --> 00:44:01

a number of things that are all happening

00:44:01 --> 00:44:03

intensely at the same time. I think some

00:44:03 --> 00:44:04

of them they have, for example, for

00:44:07 --> 00:44:09

so let's say, for example, ADHD or depression,

00:44:09 --> 00:44:11

they have, like, 9 things.

00:44:12 --> 00:44:13

7 out of those 9 or maybe I've

00:44:13 --> 00:44:15

got the numbers wrong, but let's just say

00:44:15 --> 00:44:16

9. 7 out of those 9, so the

00:44:16 --> 00:44:19

majority of them, they're intense, each one of

00:44:19 --> 00:44:21

them is intense and they're frequent and consistent.

00:44:22 --> 00:44:24

So just if you had 1 or 2

00:44:24 --> 00:44:26

traits, doesn't mean you're mentally ill, brother and

00:44:26 --> 00:44:27

sister. Take it easy on yourself and don't

00:44:27 --> 00:44:29

make yourself sick unnecessarily.

00:44:31 --> 00:44:33

And it has to continue consistently for at

00:44:33 --> 00:44:35

least 6 months. Consistently.

00:44:36 --> 00:44:37

And it leads to debilitation.

00:44:38 --> 00:44:40

You can't shower, you can't go to your

00:44:40 --> 00:44:41

work, you no longer move, you can't get

00:44:41 --> 00:44:42

out of your bed, you no longer do

00:44:42 --> 00:44:44

the things you are interested in. All of

00:44:44 --> 00:44:45

that is intense.

00:44:46 --> 00:44:47

If a person does get to that, it

00:44:47 --> 00:44:48

has to be diagnosed.

00:44:49 --> 00:44:51

So when we speak to our children, they

00:44:51 --> 00:44:52

might have ADHD, they might have this, or

00:44:52 --> 00:44:53

they might have that.

00:44:54 --> 00:44:55

For example, if you don't know what that

00:44:55 --> 00:44:56

is,

00:44:57 --> 00:44:57

you might

00:44:58 --> 00:45:00

say really bad things to your child

00:45:00 --> 00:45:02

and your child cannot process it.

00:45:03 --> 00:45:03

For example,

00:45:04 --> 00:45:06

you always don't do this, you're always messy,

00:45:06 --> 00:45:08

you you are rude, you're always cutting me

00:45:08 --> 00:45:10

off. How many times have I told you

00:45:10 --> 00:45:11

not to cut me off? But you see

00:45:11 --> 00:45:13

that child's consistently doing it. It means you

00:45:13 --> 00:45:15

just have to change your approach, even if

00:45:15 --> 00:45:16

you don't know that it's ADHD or whatever

00:45:16 --> 00:45:17

it is. Maybe it's not.

00:45:18 --> 00:45:20

But change your approach. Don't keep doing the

00:45:20 --> 00:45:23

same old thing over and over again.

00:45:24 --> 00:45:26

And you don't have to know psychology to

00:45:26 --> 00:45:27

do that. You just have to read a

00:45:27 --> 00:45:29

little bit about the seer, the biography of

00:45:29 --> 00:45:30

the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam.

00:45:32 --> 00:45:33

Example.

00:45:39 --> 00:45:41

A young man came to the Prophet in

00:45:42 --> 00:45:43

front of everybody.

00:45:44 --> 00:45:46

He cut everyone off

00:45:47 --> 00:45:48

and brought the attention to himself,

00:45:50 --> 00:45:52

walks in, barges in, says, you Rasoolallah,

00:45:55 --> 00:45:56

allow me to commit zina.

00:45:57 --> 00:45:58

Let me fornicate.

00:46:00 --> 00:46:02

Please let me fornicate, I can't handle it

00:46:02 --> 00:46:02

anymore.

00:46:05 --> 00:46:06

He cut people off,

00:46:08 --> 00:46:09

came in and asked abruptly,

00:46:10 --> 00:46:11

and asked the messengers, like, I said, about

00:46:11 --> 00:46:13

the worst thing. One of the worst things,

00:46:13 --> 00:46:15

let me fornicate, knowing that it's harang,

00:46:16 --> 00:46:17

major sin.

00:46:18 --> 00:46:20

Now everyone around did the typical thing that

00:46:20 --> 00:46:22

we all do. They frowned at him. They

00:46:22 --> 00:46:23

were angry. If it wasn't for the messenger,

00:46:23 --> 00:46:25

salaam, being there, they were all gonna jump

00:46:25 --> 00:46:28

him. And his family who were there as

00:46:28 --> 00:46:28

well.

00:46:29 --> 00:46:31

How dare you? Where's your shame? Now, a

00:46:31 --> 00:46:32

person he he could have had something like

00:46:32 --> 00:46:33

ADHD. I don't know.

00:46:35 --> 00:46:36

But how did the prophet

00:46:37 --> 00:46:38

deal with it?

00:46:40 --> 00:46:41

He stayed calm.

00:46:42 --> 00:46:44

Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam told him words

00:46:44 --> 00:46:45

that the guy

00:46:46 --> 00:46:48

felt that he was validated for his feelings,

00:46:48 --> 00:46:49

that he's frustrated.

00:46:50 --> 00:46:51

He can't help it.

00:46:52 --> 00:46:54

Farasul sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said sit,

00:46:54 --> 00:46:56

sat down, calmed him down and said,

00:46:57 --> 00:46:59

what you're asking me for, would you like

00:46:59 --> 00:47:00

it for your mother?

00:47:01 --> 00:47:02

Would you like me to tell your mother

00:47:02 --> 00:47:03

she can do the same thing? I said,

00:47:03 --> 00:47:05

nah, hosbu bina You Rasool Allah. So what

00:47:05 --> 00:47:07

about your sister? If she came to me

00:47:07 --> 00:47:08

and asked me, would you like me to

00:47:08 --> 00:47:09

tell your sister she can do the same

00:47:09 --> 00:47:11

thing? I said, No, You Rasoolullah. I said,

00:47:11 --> 00:47:13

what about your auntie? And he started to

00:47:13 --> 00:47:15

bring her so close to home that he

00:47:15 --> 00:47:15

became

00:47:16 --> 00:47:17

disgusted with

00:47:19 --> 00:47:20

himself. And then he said, well,

00:47:21 --> 00:47:22

if I allow you,

00:47:22 --> 00:47:25

it means I'm allowing someone else's sister like

00:47:25 --> 00:47:27

your sister to do the same with you

00:47:27 --> 00:47:28

or some other mother like your mother to

00:47:28 --> 00:47:30

do the same with you. It's it's like

00:47:30 --> 00:47:31

what I'm doing.

00:47:31 --> 00:47:33

But but the way Rasul, a s a

00:47:33 --> 00:47:34

s a s a l a s approached

00:47:34 --> 00:47:35

him

00:47:35 --> 00:47:37

was more important than the things he said.

00:47:38 --> 00:47:39

Do you understand?

00:47:40 --> 00:47:41

And he could listen.

00:47:41 --> 00:47:44

He said, wallahi, I never saw anybody speak

00:47:44 --> 00:47:45

in such compassion, my.

00:47:46 --> 00:47:49

Another one, another example, a man was an

00:47:49 --> 00:47:50

alcoholic. He had an addiction.

00:47:51 --> 00:47:53

I I forgot his name. It could have

00:47:53 --> 00:47:55

been Allahu'ala, forgive me, you Allah, but it

00:47:55 --> 00:47:56

could have been someone like a Noaiman,

00:47:57 --> 00:47:58

these are the names that come to me,

00:47:58 --> 00:47:59

or Abu Jundub.

00:47:59 --> 00:48:01

Al Ansari radiAllahu anhu.

00:48:01 --> 00:48:04

And most companions were used to drink a

00:48:04 --> 00:48:06

lot of alcohol before Islam. So this young

00:48:06 --> 00:48:08

man, he came to Rasa Salim, he was

00:48:08 --> 00:48:10

an alcoholic, he couldn't leave it. He

00:48:10 --> 00:48:12

he he fasted, he prayed, he did jihad,

00:48:12 --> 00:48:12

he did everything.

00:48:13 --> 00:48:14

But every time he'd come back and say,

00:48:14 --> 00:48:16

You Rasoolallah, whip me, punish me for the

00:48:16 --> 00:48:17

consequence obviously,

00:48:17 --> 00:48:20

punishing is to deter, and it was like

00:48:20 --> 00:48:22

light whips. He said punish you so the

00:48:22 --> 00:48:24

sin can go away. So he kept on

00:48:24 --> 00:48:25

coming a lot to the prophet,

00:48:25 --> 00:48:27

every time every time.

00:48:30 --> 00:48:32

I've done it again. I I drank again.

00:48:33 --> 00:48:35

Purify me. Purify me. Purify me. Purify me.

00:48:36 --> 00:48:37

One day, one of the companions said,

00:48:38 --> 00:48:40

has he no shame always coming to the

00:48:40 --> 00:48:42

prophet, peace be upon him, like this? The

00:48:42 --> 00:48:43

prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam stopped him, says

00:48:43 --> 00:48:44

latakul zalik.

00:48:45 --> 00:48:45

Don't say

00:48:46 --> 00:48:46

that

00:48:47 --> 00:48:47

about

00:48:48 --> 00:48:48

him.

00:48:49 --> 00:48:51

Wallahi, I know that he loves Allah and

00:48:51 --> 00:48:51

his messenger.

00:48:52 --> 00:48:52

Now

00:48:53 --> 00:48:55

could have said, yes. You're right. He could

00:48:55 --> 00:48:56

have turned to the man and said,

00:48:56 --> 00:48:58

aren't you shameful? If you love Allah and

00:48:58 --> 00:49:00

his messenger, why would you come back?

00:49:00 --> 00:49:01

Could have said all that.

00:49:02 --> 00:49:03

And he would have been in the right

00:49:03 --> 00:49:05

to say that. It's the truth.

00:49:06 --> 00:49:08

He wouldn't have wronged him by saying that,

00:49:08 --> 00:49:10

you know, like what some of us do.

00:49:10 --> 00:49:11

Well, it's the truth. Sorry.

00:49:12 --> 00:49:13

That's how it is. That's how I am.

00:49:13 --> 00:49:14

No.

00:49:14 --> 00:49:16

If you want to help,

00:49:17 --> 00:49:19

especially your family and children, learn from the

00:49:19 --> 00:49:20

prophet.

00:49:21 --> 00:49:23

Instead, he went the other way. He treated

00:49:23 --> 00:49:25

him the way that the man will listen

00:49:25 --> 00:49:26

and help him.

00:49:27 --> 00:49:28

Give him time.

00:49:28 --> 00:49:30

The only reason he's coming to be whipped

00:49:30 --> 00:49:32

is because he doesn't like what he's doing.

00:49:32 --> 00:49:34

It's because he loves Allah and his messenger

00:49:34 --> 00:49:35

that he's coming here. The other way around.

00:49:35 --> 00:49:37

There's 2 ways to look at it. Anyway,

00:49:37 --> 00:49:39

time went on and and the story is

00:49:39 --> 00:49:40

long and he ended up leaving

00:49:41 --> 00:49:42

alcohol because

00:49:42 --> 00:49:43

after the death of the prophet,

00:49:44 --> 00:49:45

the emir, I think it was Saad ibn

00:49:45 --> 00:49:47

Abi al Qas radiAllahu anhu,

00:49:47 --> 00:49:49

he saw him so chivalrous in a in

00:49:49 --> 00:49:50

a battle.

00:49:50 --> 00:49:52

He told him, I will never punish you

00:49:52 --> 00:49:53

for alcohol. And he said, as for I,

00:49:53 --> 00:49:55

I will never drink alcohol again because the

00:49:55 --> 00:49:56

only reason I drank alcohol is because there

00:49:56 --> 00:49:58

was a way out by being punished and

00:49:58 --> 00:49:59

my sin is gone. But now because there's

00:49:59 --> 00:50:02

no way out, I've got no way of

00:50:02 --> 00:50:04

the sin going, well, I can't drink alcohol

00:50:04 --> 00:50:06

anymore. And that's the same for people who

00:50:06 --> 00:50:08

think of hurting themselves.

00:50:09 --> 00:50:11

They wanna do terrible things to themselves because

00:50:11 --> 00:50:13

they're sick of life or they've gone through

00:50:13 --> 00:50:14

a lot.

00:50:14 --> 00:50:17

And what Islam says is says anybody who

00:50:17 --> 00:50:18

takes their own life

00:50:18 --> 00:50:20

will be in hellfire,

00:50:21 --> 00:50:22

taking their doing

00:50:23 --> 00:50:25

the same act that they did to take

00:50:25 --> 00:50:27

their life in Jahannam, in hellfire over and

00:50:27 --> 00:50:30

over again. Why why would the prophet say

00:50:31 --> 00:50:32

such a horrific thing?

00:50:33 --> 00:50:35

What if the person is going through so

00:50:35 --> 00:50:36

much? Yeah.

00:50:37 --> 00:50:39

But that is the therapy, you see.

00:50:39 --> 00:50:40

What is the therapy?

00:50:41 --> 00:50:42

The therapy is,

00:50:43 --> 00:50:45

oh, you who's going to harm yourself and

00:50:45 --> 00:50:46

take your life away,

00:50:47 --> 00:50:49

If you think you're escaping the problems, guess

00:50:49 --> 00:50:52

what? You're going to fall into a bigger

00:50:52 --> 00:50:53

problem, and you can't reverse it, you're gonna

00:50:53 --> 00:50:54

be in hellfire.

00:50:55 --> 00:50:57

So that person will think, oh, I'm not

00:50:57 --> 00:50:59

really running away from anything, I'm just putting

00:50:59 --> 00:51:01

myself in a bigger thing. Suddenly life feels

00:51:01 --> 00:51:02

a little bit easier.

00:51:04 --> 00:51:05

Suddenly, my life,

00:51:06 --> 00:51:08

what I'm going through is a bit a

00:51:08 --> 00:51:09

bit better than being in that.

00:51:10 --> 00:51:12

And I know of people who this was

00:51:12 --> 00:51:14

a deterrence for them, because Allah doesn't want

00:51:14 --> 00:51:15

you to take your life.

00:51:16 --> 00:51:17

Allah wants you to live on.

00:51:18 --> 00:51:21

I want you to continue to help and

00:51:21 --> 00:51:23

to look after yourself. There's still reasons why

00:51:23 --> 00:51:24

you should live on.

00:51:27 --> 00:51:29

Now, brothers and sisters,

00:51:29 --> 00:51:31

I know I've taken up too much time,

00:51:31 --> 00:51:32

but I just want to go to the

00:51:32 --> 00:51:34

practical aspects of how to deal with some

00:51:34 --> 00:51:34

of the

00:51:35 --> 00:51:36

mental

00:51:36 --> 00:51:38

intrusions that we go through, and here we

00:51:38 --> 00:51:39

go.

00:51:43 --> 00:51:44

What is

00:51:44 --> 00:51:47

mental illness termed in the Quran?

00:51:47 --> 00:51:49

So the best word

00:51:49 --> 00:51:51

you're probably gonna find strange, the best word

00:51:51 --> 00:51:53

in the Quran that terms mental illness is

00:51:53 --> 00:51:54

called.

00:51:57 --> 00:51:57

Now

00:51:58 --> 00:51:59

is a negative word in Arabic, but it

00:51:59 --> 00:52:01

depends how you look at it.

00:52:02 --> 00:52:04

So can mean crazy or it can mean

00:52:04 --> 00:52:07

a mental disorder. A mental disorder just means

00:52:07 --> 00:52:09

that you don't have full control

00:52:09 --> 00:52:11

full control over your thoughts.

00:52:12 --> 00:52:13

And there are many levels.

00:52:14 --> 00:52:14

And

00:52:15 --> 00:52:16

people who go through that,

00:52:17 --> 00:52:19

they are rewarded by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:52:20 --> 00:52:22

for their perseverance and their pain.

00:52:22 --> 00:52:23

Listen to the

00:52:24 --> 00:52:24

hadith

00:52:25 --> 00:52:26

Sahih Muslim, Rasulullah

00:52:27 --> 00:52:28

said, any Muslim

00:52:28 --> 00:52:30

who goes through physical

00:52:31 --> 00:52:31

pain

00:52:32 --> 00:52:33

or sickness

00:52:33 --> 00:52:37

Or ham, ham means worry. Or ram, ram

00:52:37 --> 00:52:38

means stress

00:52:38 --> 00:52:39

and claustrophobia.

00:52:39 --> 00:52:41

You can call it anxiety or depression if

00:52:41 --> 00:52:42

you like.

00:52:43 --> 00:52:46

Or other, or harm from people, whether physical

00:52:46 --> 00:52:47

or by words.

00:52:49 --> 00:52:50

Or any

00:52:50 --> 00:52:51

sadness.

00:52:52 --> 00:52:54

A sadness over a trauma in the past

00:52:54 --> 00:52:54

or a calamity

00:52:55 --> 00:52:56

or a tragedy,

00:52:57 --> 00:52:57

sadness.

00:53:01 --> 00:53:02

Even the prick of a needle

00:53:04 --> 00:53:06

that just touches him or her little prick

00:53:06 --> 00:53:07

of a needle.

00:53:11 --> 00:53:12

Except that Allah

00:53:12 --> 00:53:13

expiates

00:53:13 --> 00:53:15

and washes away some of their

00:53:15 --> 00:53:16

sins,

00:53:17 --> 00:53:18

And nothing is

00:53:18 --> 00:53:21

This means that when you go through that

00:53:21 --> 00:53:23

bit of fear, bit of anxiety, bit of

00:53:23 --> 00:53:24

depression, a bit of

00:53:25 --> 00:53:26

and you are persevering,

00:53:27 --> 00:53:28

Allah

00:53:28 --> 00:53:29

rewards you,

00:53:29 --> 00:53:31

washes away your sins.

00:53:34 --> 00:53:36

So these are people who, insha'Allah, have iman.

00:53:36 --> 00:53:38

All the prophets went through it.

00:53:38 --> 00:53:41

It's called Ibtila. And the stronger the Ibtila,

00:53:41 --> 00:53:41

sometimes

00:53:42 --> 00:53:43

stronger the trials,

00:53:43 --> 00:53:45

sometimes it means

00:53:45 --> 00:53:47

the more beloved you are to Allah, Subhanahu

00:53:47 --> 00:53:48

Wa Ta'ala.

00:53:49 --> 00:53:50

No.

00:53:50 --> 00:53:52

The more beloved you are to Allah.

00:53:53 --> 00:53:55

Again, it depends on how you react to

00:53:55 --> 00:53:57

it. You can turn that belovedness into

00:53:58 --> 00:53:58

something else.

00:53:59 --> 00:54:00

How?

00:54:00 --> 00:54:02

Patience A lot of people misunderstand what patience

00:54:03 --> 00:54:05

is. Patience means you keep going, and you

00:54:05 --> 00:54:08

keep wrestling with yourself not to stay dormant.

00:54:09 --> 00:54:11

You wrestle with yourself when your desires and

00:54:11 --> 00:54:12

your pain tell you to go and do

00:54:12 --> 00:54:14

things that are horrendous and bad.

00:54:15 --> 00:54:16

But you say no.

00:54:20 --> 00:54:22

It's when it tells you stop prayer, stop

00:54:22 --> 00:54:23

giving and

00:54:24 --> 00:54:25

and trusting a lot, you say no, I'm

00:54:25 --> 00:54:27

gonna keep doing it. You still walk with

00:54:27 --> 00:54:28

the pain.

00:54:28 --> 00:54:31

You still walk with the grief. That's okay.

00:54:31 --> 00:54:32

You still walk with the trauma but you're

00:54:32 --> 00:54:33

gonna build around it.

00:54:35 --> 00:54:38

Example, if if somebody loses their their child,

00:54:38 --> 00:54:39

it's I believe

00:54:40 --> 00:54:40

it is

00:54:41 --> 00:54:43

the hardest calamity in the world.

00:54:44 --> 00:54:45

I don't think there's anything

00:54:47 --> 00:54:48

harder than that.

00:54:49 --> 00:54:52

Losing your child before you, especially if they're

00:54:52 --> 00:54:52

really young.

00:54:54 --> 00:54:55

But

00:54:56 --> 00:54:57

Raul Suls alaihi wasalam did not tell us

00:54:57 --> 00:54:58

to get over it.

00:54:59 --> 00:55:01

And anyone who lost their son or daughter

00:55:01 --> 00:55:02

in his time,

00:55:03 --> 00:55:04

he would not tell them to get over

00:55:04 --> 00:55:06

it or to try to heal. He would

00:55:06 --> 00:55:09

give them optimism and support to grow around

00:55:09 --> 00:55:10

it,

00:55:11 --> 00:55:12

so it becomes a scar,

00:55:12 --> 00:55:13

doesn't really

00:55:13 --> 00:55:15

heal. Or there's a little hole

00:55:15 --> 00:55:18

or something empty in their heart, but he

00:55:18 --> 00:55:20

helps it to grow around it. An example.

00:55:20 --> 00:55:22

One man used to come to the prophet

00:55:22 --> 00:55:24

of the companions, and he had a 7

00:55:24 --> 00:55:26

or 8 year old son. His 7, 8

00:55:26 --> 00:55:28

year old son was called Hamamatul Masjid, the

00:55:28 --> 00:55:31

pigeon of the mosque. Always there, everybody saw

00:55:31 --> 00:55:32

him fluttering into the mosque,

00:55:33 --> 00:55:34

flying into the mosque. And he would all

00:55:34 --> 00:55:36

the companions would love him while the prophet

00:55:36 --> 00:55:36

was speaking.

00:55:37 --> 00:55:39

One day, the man didn't arrive, and prophet

00:55:39 --> 00:55:42

said, where is that man? The companion comes.

00:55:42 --> 00:55:44

Said, oh, didn't you hear, you Rasool Allah?

00:55:44 --> 00:55:46

His son passed away.

00:55:47 --> 00:55:47

Rasulullah

00:55:48 --> 00:55:50

ran, went to his house, put his hand

00:55:50 --> 00:55:52

on his shoulder and said, which one would

00:55:52 --> 00:55:53

you prefer?

00:55:53 --> 00:55:55

That your son lives on and you get

00:55:55 --> 00:55:57

to see him and enjoy him growing up

00:55:57 --> 00:55:58

until you and him die?

00:55:59 --> 00:56:00

Or

00:56:00 --> 00:56:01

that now,

00:56:01 --> 00:56:03

there isn't a door of paradise that you

00:56:03 --> 00:56:06

reach, except that you find your son waiting

00:56:06 --> 00:56:07

for you

00:56:08 --> 00:56:08

at that door.

00:56:09 --> 00:56:12

Any door. And he's looking for his dad,

00:56:12 --> 00:56:13

looking for his mom.

00:56:14 --> 00:56:16

Which door will they go from, hopping from

00:56:16 --> 00:56:18

one to the other? The angels help him.

00:56:18 --> 00:56:19

And he doesn't want to enter paradise without

00:56:19 --> 00:56:20

him.

00:56:20 --> 00:56:22

And because of him, you enter. He said,

00:56:22 --> 00:56:25

you Rasool Allah, the letter. I'd rather that

00:56:25 --> 00:56:26

one. He said, it is yours.

00:56:27 --> 00:56:28

He didn't tell him heal yourself and get

00:56:28 --> 00:56:31

over. He says, look forward to to something

00:56:31 --> 00:56:34

greater. Have hope. And the iman gives us

00:56:34 --> 00:56:36

hope, brothers and sisters. That's why we say

00:56:36 --> 00:56:38

iman it's not lack of iman necessarily.

00:56:39 --> 00:56:41

Sometimes it's a result of sins. Yes. But

00:56:41 --> 00:56:44

why? Why the result of sins? In this

00:56:44 --> 00:56:45

world, you don't get punished

00:56:45 --> 00:56:47

for your sins as a final thing. The

00:56:47 --> 00:56:49

punishment is in the hereafter. What do I

00:56:49 --> 00:56:51

mean by that? Brothers and sisters, listen.

00:56:51 --> 00:56:54

Allah, when he says something is wrong, don't

00:56:54 --> 00:56:56

do it. It's for your benefit. Therefore, if

00:56:56 --> 00:56:58

you do it, it's gonna harm you. Example,

00:56:59 --> 00:57:01

here's drinking alcohol. We know that the among

00:57:01 --> 00:57:03

the 5 highest

00:57:03 --> 00:57:06

causes of domestic violence in the world, among

00:57:06 --> 00:57:07

the 5,

00:57:07 --> 00:57:08

is alcoholism.

00:57:09 --> 00:57:11

Among the highest 5 domestic violence in the

00:57:11 --> 00:57:12

world.

00:57:13 --> 00:57:15

And greatest crime is a result of alcohol.

00:57:15 --> 00:57:17

Allah tells us alcohol

00:57:17 --> 00:57:18

and gambling

00:57:18 --> 00:57:21

have some benefits for you, but their harm

00:57:21 --> 00:57:22

way outweighs

00:57:23 --> 00:57:26

their benefit. Fazhdani bor, stay totally away from

00:57:26 --> 00:57:26

it.

00:57:28 --> 00:57:30

Now if I drink alcohol, I've done a

00:57:30 --> 00:57:31

sin. But the reason

00:57:31 --> 00:57:35

that I might suffer consequences, not because only

00:57:35 --> 00:57:37

because I disobeyed Allah. Allah forgives, he pardons

00:57:37 --> 00:57:38

Allah. Allah says,

00:57:39 --> 00:57:40

Allah keeps pardoning you.

00:57:41 --> 00:57:42

But

00:57:43 --> 00:57:45

the consequence of that sin, the laws which

00:57:45 --> 00:57:46

God created

00:57:47 --> 00:57:49

from drinking alcohol, are gonna catch up to

00:57:49 --> 00:57:50

you.

00:57:51 --> 00:57:53

And some will have to learn

00:57:53 --> 00:57:55

through disobeying Allah and repenting, and some will

00:57:55 --> 00:57:57

have to learn the hard way. That's what

00:57:57 --> 00:57:59

it means that sins catch up to you

00:57:59 --> 00:57:59

sometimes.

00:58:01 --> 00:58:02

Sometimes Allah makes you go through a little

00:58:02 --> 00:58:05

tiny punishment in the world so that you

00:58:05 --> 00:58:05

can wake up.

00:58:06 --> 00:58:09

Or maybe to raise your ranks, or maybe

00:58:09 --> 00:58:10

to forgive your sins.

00:58:13 --> 00:58:15

In the Quran and in the hadith, there's

00:58:15 --> 00:58:17

something called Sara.

00:58:18 --> 00:58:20

Sarrah means epileptic fits. It used to happen

00:58:20 --> 00:58:21

at the time, the prophet

00:58:22 --> 00:58:24

And one lady had this mental illness through

00:58:24 --> 00:58:26

which she used to go through epileptic fits.

00:58:26 --> 00:58:28

So she came to the prophet and said,

00:58:28 --> 00:58:29

you Rasool Allah,

00:58:30 --> 00:58:32

I go through epileptic fits. Can you ask

00:58:32 --> 00:58:35

Allah to heal me? And he said, I

00:58:35 --> 00:58:37

can ask Allah to heal you, Or

00:58:38 --> 00:58:39

if you are patient and persevering,

00:58:40 --> 00:58:42

stay with that illness and be patient with

00:58:42 --> 00:58:44

it, and your rank in paradise will be

00:58:44 --> 00:58:45

even higher.

00:58:45 --> 00:58:47

So she chose to stay with it.

00:58:48 --> 00:58:50

You might be thinking why. No. This only

00:58:50 --> 00:58:51

applied to her because prophet

00:58:52 --> 00:58:54

told us something that is divine, unseen and

00:58:54 --> 00:58:56

the Allah told him about it. But then

00:58:56 --> 00:58:57

she said, you Rasoolallah, but when I fall

00:58:57 --> 00:58:59

to the ground, parts of my body show

00:58:59 --> 00:59:00

because I'm unaware.

00:59:01 --> 00:59:03

Can you ask Allah to keep me covered?

00:59:03 --> 00:59:04

So he said I will ask Allah to

00:59:04 --> 00:59:06

keep you covered. And the sahabas, they said

00:59:06 --> 00:59:08

every time she got an epileptic fit, nothing

00:59:08 --> 00:59:10

of her body would show when she fell

00:59:10 --> 00:59:11

to the ground.

00:59:11 --> 00:59:15

Obviously, this shows us that all these mental

00:59:15 --> 00:59:18

illnesses, problems, life issues, and and pain,

00:59:19 --> 00:59:21

it never goes to vain, and we are

00:59:21 --> 00:59:23

rewarded for it and expiated for it no

00:59:23 --> 00:59:25

matter what. Okay. Last things.

00:59:26 --> 00:59:27

So brothers and sisters, depression.

00:59:28 --> 00:59:30

Depression is the is the biggest is the

00:59:30 --> 00:59:30

most prominent,

00:59:34 --> 00:59:35

the the the most widespread

00:59:35 --> 00:59:38

mental illness at the moment in the world.

00:59:38 --> 00:59:40

And as I told you, depression, don't diagnose

00:59:40 --> 00:59:42

yourself. It takes a lot to have extreme

00:59:44 --> 00:59:44

depression.

00:59:44 --> 00:59:47

But it's basically a constant feeling of sadness

00:59:47 --> 00:59:49

and loss of interest which stops you doing

00:59:49 --> 00:59:50

your normal

00:59:51 --> 00:59:53

activities. The causes are unknown.

00:59:53 --> 00:59:54

But usually,

00:59:54 --> 00:59:57

usually, it's the result of you remember something

00:59:57 --> 00:59:59

in your past that you failed in, your

00:59:59 --> 00:59:59

failed experiences,

01:00:00 --> 01:00:03

let downs by others, put downs, bullying, failures,

01:00:03 --> 01:00:04

failed expectations,

01:00:04 --> 01:00:06

attempts, dreams don't come true,

01:00:07 --> 01:00:10

stressful life events such as divorce, illness, bereavement,

01:00:10 --> 01:00:12

loss of job, loss of money, etcetera.

01:00:13 --> 01:00:15

And what happens to you is that you

01:00:15 --> 01:00:16

start having

01:00:17 --> 01:00:19

a low opinion of yourself.

01:00:20 --> 01:00:21

I'm a loser,

01:00:23 --> 01:00:26

I'm not worthy. It's true what they say

01:00:26 --> 01:00:26

about me.

01:00:28 --> 01:00:30

So you start creating these names for yourself

01:00:30 --> 01:00:31

and these beliefs.

01:00:32 --> 01:00:35

Some people even you start to use religion

01:00:35 --> 01:00:38

to justify their bad thoughts. They say, God

01:00:38 --> 01:00:40

must hate me, this is a punishment,

01:00:41 --> 01:00:43

I make my dua, he doesn't accept it.

01:00:43 --> 01:00:45

That means Allah is not pleased with me.

01:00:45 --> 01:00:46

Maybe it's because I said this to my

01:00:46 --> 01:00:48

mom or my dad, and they start creating

01:00:48 --> 01:00:49

so many things which they don't really know

01:00:49 --> 01:00:51

about. And sometimes they say my qadr.

01:00:52 --> 01:00:55

The qadr of Allah is that my life

01:00:55 --> 01:00:56

is just bad luck, kalas. That's everything is

01:00:56 --> 01:00:59

misfortune. That's what Allah has written upon me.

01:00:59 --> 01:01:01

No. How do you know Allah has written

01:01:01 --> 01:01:03

this upon you? The moment you die, that's

01:01:03 --> 01:01:04

it. The moment you're still breathing, it means

01:01:04 --> 01:01:06

you have hope, there are doors, Allah doesn't

01:01:06 --> 01:01:07

leave you.

01:01:08 --> 01:01:10

Depression is to look back and think to

01:01:10 --> 01:01:11

yourself,

01:01:11 --> 01:01:13

what am I really worried about?

01:01:13 --> 01:01:15

Why have I believed it?

01:01:15 --> 01:01:18

It's because people told me, no, I'm not

01:01:18 --> 01:01:20

going to believe it. And try to do

01:01:20 --> 01:01:22

something that you're good at, and do it

01:01:22 --> 01:01:23

good.

01:01:24 --> 01:01:26

If you can achieve it, then you'll start

01:01:26 --> 01:01:27

to break away those false

01:01:28 --> 01:01:29

beliefs that you had about yourself.

01:01:30 --> 01:01:31

Once I went to

01:01:32 --> 01:01:35

with my little daughter to a park and

01:01:35 --> 01:01:35

there was

01:01:37 --> 01:01:38

a water slide.

01:01:38 --> 01:01:41

Now, I was always afraid of heights. Always.

01:01:42 --> 01:01:43

Who's afraid of heights here?

01:01:44 --> 01:01:45

Afraid of heights, man.

01:01:46 --> 01:01:48

So my friends all went on,

01:01:49 --> 01:01:51

their dads went on this big slide.

01:01:51 --> 01:01:53

It's the one where you stand and the

01:01:53 --> 01:01:55

thing opens up beneath you and you drop.

01:01:56 --> 01:01:57

It's scary.

01:01:58 --> 01:01:59

Now I'm afraid of just the slide, you

01:01:59 --> 01:02:00

know, that high.

01:02:01 --> 01:02:03

I'm gonna go on, no. Anyway, my friends

01:02:03 --> 01:02:04

went on and their children are cheering them

01:02:04 --> 01:02:06

on. Yeah, dad's a hero, dad's a lion.

01:02:06 --> 01:02:08

Dad's a this. My dad's the best. My

01:02:08 --> 01:02:10

daughter looks at me and I'm just standing

01:02:10 --> 01:02:11

there. Yes.

01:02:12 --> 01:02:13

Just looks at me.

01:02:15 --> 01:02:16

About what? Yes.

01:02:18 --> 01:02:19

All their dads are going on dad.

01:02:21 --> 01:02:23

And I started sweating, I go, oh man,

01:02:23 --> 01:02:24

if I don't go on for the rest

01:02:24 --> 01:02:26

of my life, my daughter is gonna think

01:02:26 --> 01:02:26

I'm a wimp,

01:02:27 --> 01:02:29

I'm a coward, I'm weak. And then I

01:02:29 --> 01:02:31

started thinking, I started getting anxiety attacks.

01:02:31 --> 01:02:33

Attacks. I started thinking, my daughter's gonna grow

01:02:33 --> 01:02:35

up seeing me weak, she's gonna become weak.

01:02:35 --> 01:02:38

Oh my god. Oh no. So I started

01:02:38 --> 01:02:39

imagining that this is when anxiety is good

01:02:39 --> 01:02:42

for you. I started imagining things that haven't

01:02:42 --> 01:02:43

even happened yet.

01:02:43 --> 01:02:44

So

01:02:44 --> 01:02:45

got my friend and I said, help me

01:02:45 --> 01:02:46

out, bro.

01:02:48 --> 01:02:50

And I just bit really hard and I

01:02:50 --> 01:02:51

said, I'm gonna do it. I don't care

01:02:51 --> 01:02:53

if I swear, if I shiver, if I

01:02:53 --> 01:02:53

faint.

01:02:54 --> 01:02:55

Went all the way up,

01:02:55 --> 01:02:57

he almost had a heart attack.

01:02:58 --> 01:03:00

And alhamdulillah, I did it.

01:03:00 --> 01:03:02

And after I did it, guess what?

01:03:02 --> 01:03:04

I go, I'm taking on all the rides,

01:03:05 --> 01:03:06

Every

01:03:06 --> 01:03:08

ride. I wanna take on the world.

01:03:08 --> 01:03:10

Confidence just boosted in me.

01:03:11 --> 01:03:13

Of course I don't advise everybody to do

01:03:13 --> 01:03:14

this.

01:03:15 --> 01:03:16

You might hurt yourself.

01:03:17 --> 01:03:18

I'm just saying that alhamdulillah,

01:03:18 --> 01:03:20

the the lesson from that

01:03:20 --> 01:03:22

is to wait to beat your anxiety and

01:03:22 --> 01:03:24

depression is to do the opposite,

01:03:24 --> 01:03:26

and prove to yourself that you are not

01:03:26 --> 01:03:28

what you thought you were. The moment you

01:03:28 --> 01:03:29

take those steps,

01:03:31 --> 01:03:33

other avenues open up. And that is why

01:03:33 --> 01:03:34

Rasool sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said,

01:03:35 --> 01:03:38

plan, go ahead, rely on Allah and don't

01:03:38 --> 01:03:40

become paralyzed. Keep going. Whatever happens, happens.

01:03:41 --> 01:03:41

90%

01:03:42 --> 01:03:44

99% of our fears never happen. Just think

01:03:44 --> 01:03:45

backwards and think, how many of your fears

01:03:45 --> 01:03:49

actually happened? Actually happened. 99% of them didn't

01:03:49 --> 01:03:50

happen. You you don't think about them because

01:03:50 --> 01:03:52

you forgot about them, because nothing happened.

01:03:52 --> 01:03:54

Anxiety, brothers and sisters, is intense, excessive and

01:03:54 --> 01:03:56

persistent worry and fear about everybody,

01:03:57 --> 01:03:58

about everyday situations.

01:03:58 --> 01:04:01

Fast heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating and feeling

01:04:01 --> 01:04:04

tired may occur. The causes are unknown, but

01:04:04 --> 01:04:06

it's about imaginary future fears

01:04:07 --> 01:04:10

that don't actually exist. This is gonna happen.

01:04:10 --> 01:04:12

That's gonna happen. Constantly worry a lot. Can't

01:04:12 --> 01:04:15

can't stop thinking about the worrying. Constantly trying

01:04:15 --> 01:04:17

to stop and fight it. Constantly aware of

01:04:17 --> 01:04:19

dangers and uncomfortable theme

01:04:19 --> 01:04:20

things.

01:04:20 --> 01:04:21

So anxiety,

01:04:22 --> 01:04:25

maybe write things and plan your day, organize

01:04:26 --> 01:04:26

yourself,

01:04:26 --> 01:04:28

and start to practice what you've organized.

01:04:29 --> 01:04:31

Sometimes people like to follow a plan and

01:04:31 --> 01:04:31

a timetable

01:04:32 --> 01:04:34

to try and help your anxieties, insha Allah.

01:04:34 --> 01:04:37

Finally, trauma and grief. Brothers and sisters,

01:04:37 --> 01:04:39

know what trauma and grief is. Basically about

01:04:39 --> 01:04:41

tragedies that have happened in your past and

01:04:41 --> 01:04:42

they stick with you.

01:04:43 --> 01:04:45

You get rewarded for them. And

01:04:47 --> 01:04:49

grief people go through 5 different

01:04:50 --> 01:04:51

cycles.

01:04:51 --> 01:04:53

I call them the the storm,

01:04:53 --> 01:04:54

the stormy cycles.

01:04:55 --> 01:04:57

The first one is denial and shock,

01:04:59 --> 01:05:00

then anger,

01:05:01 --> 01:05:02

or both at the same time. That happened

01:05:02 --> 01:05:04

to Umar ibn Khattab radiAllahu anhu when prophet

01:05:04 --> 01:05:05

died.

01:05:05 --> 01:05:07

He said, no, he didn't die.

01:05:08 --> 01:05:10

He's like Moses, he went to his Lord

01:05:10 --> 01:05:11

to speak to him. He's coming back.

01:05:11 --> 01:05:13

Anyone who says he died, I'll strike his

01:05:13 --> 01:05:14

neck.

01:05:14 --> 01:05:16

So anger and shock, denial.

01:05:17 --> 01:05:17

It exists.

01:05:19 --> 01:05:20

The other cycle is

01:05:21 --> 01:05:21

negotiation.

01:05:22 --> 01:05:23

Dua,

01:05:23 --> 01:05:24

I pray tahajjudulma,

01:05:25 --> 01:05:26

You Rabbi, get rid of it for me.

01:05:26 --> 01:05:28

I won't do that again. Just negotiation.

01:05:29 --> 01:05:30

Some people do it when they wanna get

01:05:30 --> 01:05:31

married,

01:05:31 --> 01:05:33

so they hold on to istikhara and they

01:05:33 --> 01:05:35

create their own expectations about istikhara.

01:05:37 --> 01:05:39

I said this in my Europe tour.

01:05:40 --> 01:05:41

One brother said to me,

01:05:42 --> 01:05:44

brother, I made istikhara

01:05:45 --> 01:05:46

for this particular

01:05:46 --> 01:05:47

sister.

01:05:47 --> 01:05:48

She was marriage material.

01:05:50 --> 01:05:51

And when I went outside,

01:05:53 --> 01:05:55

I saw her name in the clouds.

01:06:00 --> 01:06:02

I knew this guy is just emotionally driven.

01:06:02 --> 01:06:04

He's not thinking straight because he told me

01:06:04 --> 01:06:06

this sister wasn't good for him, and he

01:06:06 --> 01:06:08

is just he's not really thinking straight. I

01:06:08 --> 01:06:09

knew he wasn't.

01:06:11 --> 01:06:12

So I looked at the cloud and I

01:06:12 --> 01:06:13

go, bro,

01:06:14 --> 01:06:15

I can see

01:06:19 --> 01:06:19

shepard. So

01:06:22 --> 01:06:23

this is called

01:06:24 --> 01:06:25

religious delusion.

01:06:26 --> 01:06:28

People can get religiously delusional.

01:06:29 --> 01:06:31

They use their religion and they create imaginary

01:06:31 --> 01:06:33

things in their heads, and that is why

01:06:33 --> 01:06:35

Tawhid is important and shirk is a problem.

01:06:35 --> 01:06:38

Some people believe in star signs and tarot

01:06:38 --> 01:06:40

readings and fortune tellers and the blue eye

01:06:40 --> 01:06:41

and

01:06:41 --> 01:06:42

astrology, and

01:06:43 --> 01:06:46

they believe in certain spiritual things that Allah

01:06:46 --> 01:06:48

and his messenger never taught us. That creates

01:06:48 --> 01:06:50

severe mental illnesses, man.

01:06:53 --> 01:06:56

And you go through another cycle called depression,

01:06:57 --> 01:06:58

finally acceptance.

01:06:59 --> 01:07:01

The quicker you move through them and the

01:07:01 --> 01:07:02

more support you have, insha'Allah, you get through

01:07:02 --> 01:07:04

it. Finally, you live with pain, you live

01:07:04 --> 01:07:07

with a slight emptiness, but insha'Allah, you can

01:07:07 --> 01:07:07

cope.

01:07:08 --> 01:07:10

Finally, and very importantly, brothers and sisters,

01:07:11 --> 01:07:11

yes,

01:07:11 --> 01:07:13

anybody who is struggling

01:07:14 --> 01:07:15

with mental

01:07:15 --> 01:07:17

issues that have gone on for a while,

01:07:19 --> 01:07:20

I urge you

01:07:21 --> 01:07:23

with all the advice that I have

01:07:24 --> 01:07:26

to truly ask

01:07:26 --> 01:07:27

and seek

01:07:27 --> 01:07:29

support and professional help.

01:07:31 --> 01:07:33

There are lots of Muslim psychologists, alhamdulillah,

01:07:34 --> 01:07:35

if you don't trust the others,

01:07:35 --> 01:07:36

just ask around,

01:07:37 --> 01:07:38

Go to the Masjid and ask if you

01:07:38 --> 01:07:40

don't know. Ask family.

01:07:40 --> 01:07:42

Look them up. Call.

01:07:42 --> 01:07:44

Go and get professional help.

01:07:45 --> 01:07:46

They can help you.

01:07:46 --> 01:07:47

Insha'Allah

01:07:47 --> 01:07:48

or

01:07:48 --> 01:07:50

or assist you along with your iman and

01:07:50 --> 01:07:52

your religious practice.

01:07:54 --> 01:07:54

May Allah

01:07:55 --> 01:07:57

keep you and all of us protected.

01:07:57 --> 01:07:58

Amen.

01:07:58 --> 01:08:01

Now brothers and sisters, I've talked a lot.

01:08:01 --> 01:08:03

I think Insha'Allah this will suffice.

01:08:04 --> 01:08:05

I ask Allah to

01:08:07 --> 01:08:09

relieve and help and support

01:08:09 --> 01:08:11

anyone who is going through any kind

01:08:12 --> 01:08:14

of hardship, mental, physical, spiritual.

01:08:15 --> 01:08:17

I ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to relieve

01:08:17 --> 01:08:20

your pain and assist you and myself.

01:08:20 --> 01:08:21

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala assist and relieve

01:08:21 --> 01:08:23

the pain of our brothers and sisters in

01:08:23 --> 01:08:23

Gaza

01:08:24 --> 01:08:26

and all those children. SubhanAllah. What kind of

01:08:26 --> 01:08:28

lives they will grow up with. May Allah

01:08:29 --> 01:08:31

send the most compassionate and merciful to them,

01:08:31 --> 01:08:33

Amin, and make them leaders among the righteous.

01:08:37 --> 01:08:40

Brother, that's a very good question. Brother Bilal.

01:08:42 --> 01:08:43

So he says, do you know how I

01:08:43 --> 01:08:44

said that

01:08:45 --> 01:08:47

sometimes you start thinking what have I done

01:08:47 --> 01:08:48

wrong in the past, this is why it's

01:08:48 --> 01:08:50

happening to me? But then you ask, but

01:08:50 --> 01:08:52

isn't it good to reflect upon our mistakes?

01:08:52 --> 01:08:53

Yes, of course.

01:08:54 --> 01:08:54

Yes, of

01:08:55 --> 01:08:56

course. There is a healthy way and an

01:08:57 --> 01:09:00

unhealthy way. The unhealthy way is when

01:09:01 --> 01:09:03

you're being irrational, there's nothing you can do

01:09:03 --> 01:09:03

about it.

01:09:04 --> 01:09:06

You know what you did as a mistake,

01:09:07 --> 01:09:08

so now you move forward.

01:09:09 --> 01:09:11

But if I continue to go back on

01:09:11 --> 01:09:13

it, and still live in my past,

01:09:14 --> 01:09:15

as if somehow

01:09:15 --> 01:09:17

I can still change it,

01:09:17 --> 01:09:18

that becomes an illness,

01:09:19 --> 01:09:20

a problem.

01:09:21 --> 01:09:23

And that is why the Quran, Allah continues

01:09:23 --> 01:09:24

to tell you, move forward,

01:09:25 --> 01:09:26

repent to Allah,

01:09:27 --> 01:09:28

ask him for support.

01:09:30 --> 01:09:31

And a beautiful verse in the Quran is

01:09:31 --> 01:09:32

in Surah Al Hadid.

01:09:37 --> 01:09:39

We tell you this Allah gives a whole

01:09:39 --> 01:09:40

example and says, we tell you this so

01:09:40 --> 01:09:41

that you do not

01:09:42 --> 01:09:42

despair

01:09:43 --> 01:09:44

and feel

01:09:45 --> 01:09:46

hard heartened

01:09:46 --> 01:09:49

about the opportunities that passed you,

01:09:49 --> 01:09:52

and you don't get boastful over what came

01:09:52 --> 01:09:52

to you.

01:09:53 --> 01:09:56

Now we understood that. Reflecting on your mistake,

01:09:57 --> 01:09:59

learning from it is excellent.

01:10:00 --> 01:10:02

Our Mu'min is sensitive.

01:10:03 --> 01:10:05

Accountability is very important.

01:10:06 --> 01:10:07

But you take the lesson

01:10:08 --> 01:10:10

and you move forward. You forgive yourself and

01:10:10 --> 01:10:12

ask Allah to forgive you. That's healthy.

01:10:13 --> 01:10:15

No. Brother is asking, correct me if I

01:10:15 --> 01:10:17

understood your question. It's about the evil eye.

01:10:17 --> 01:10:19

We know that it's true. It's in the

01:10:19 --> 01:10:21

Quran. Correct. It's in the hadith. Correct.

01:10:22 --> 01:10:23

So there is reality to the evil eye.

01:10:24 --> 01:10:24

Number 2,

01:10:25 --> 01:10:26

should we

01:10:26 --> 01:10:28

tell someone about

01:10:29 --> 01:10:31

our achievements or should we fear that they're

01:10:31 --> 01:10:33

going to give us jealousy and the evil

01:10:33 --> 01:10:34

eye? What should we do? Is that your

01:10:34 --> 01:10:37

question? Very good, brother. Both. This is what

01:10:37 --> 01:10:40

we do. First of all, first of all,

01:10:41 --> 01:10:44

the occurrence of the evil eye is misunderstood

01:10:44 --> 01:10:45

by a lot of people. And some people

01:10:45 --> 01:10:47

have quoted for me hadiths

01:10:47 --> 01:10:49

that in the future, there'll be more evil

01:10:49 --> 01:10:52

eye widespread. The hadith is weak. In fact,

01:10:52 --> 01:10:53

it's very weak.

01:10:53 --> 01:10:55

So it's hadith.

01:10:55 --> 01:10:57

So don't hold on to the hadith if

01:10:57 --> 01:10:59

you come across it that in the future,

01:10:59 --> 01:11:01

there'll be more widespread evil eyes. The hadith

01:11:01 --> 01:11:03

is weak. In fact, it is very weak

01:11:03 --> 01:11:05

in its chain. That's number 1. Number 2,

01:11:05 --> 01:11:07

the occurrences of the evil eye. And I've

01:11:07 --> 01:11:09

said this before, and some people disagreed with

01:11:09 --> 01:11:10

me. I don't know why. They just wanna

01:11:10 --> 01:11:12

make it harder on themselves.

01:11:13 --> 01:11:15

You akhid, sister, brother,

01:11:16 --> 01:11:18

the evil eye is not very common.

01:11:18 --> 01:11:20

They say, no, it is very common. Habibi,

01:11:20 --> 01:11:22

what's common is that you think it is.

01:11:22 --> 01:11:25

That's what's common. It's this paranoia that we

01:11:25 --> 01:11:25

have.

01:11:26 --> 01:11:28

The evil eye is not that common.

01:11:29 --> 01:11:31

We make it common. And this is where

01:11:31 --> 01:11:32

the delusion starts to come in.

01:11:33 --> 01:11:34

Now how do I know that there is

01:11:34 --> 01:11:36

an evil eye? It's very, very clear.

01:11:37 --> 01:11:39

The evil eye is very clear.

01:11:39 --> 01:11:42

And we have the example, the hadith, it's

01:11:42 --> 01:11:44

authentic. I just forgot in which source it's

01:11:44 --> 01:11:46

from, but it's authentic 100, but I'm very

01:11:46 --> 01:11:49

certain about that. When Rasool sallalahu alaihi

01:11:49 --> 01:11:50

was brought with a man,

01:11:51 --> 01:11:52

a Sahabi,

01:11:52 --> 01:11:54

who had just come out of a a

01:11:54 --> 01:11:55

lake

01:11:55 --> 01:11:57

or was it a river of some kind,

01:11:57 --> 01:11:59

and he had his shirt off, the top

01:11:59 --> 01:11:59

shirt.

01:12:00 --> 01:12:02

And one other Sahabi, we even know his

01:12:02 --> 01:12:03

name in the hadith,

01:12:03 --> 01:12:05

he looked at him with open eyes and

01:12:05 --> 01:12:05

said,

01:12:08 --> 01:12:09

Wow.

01:12:09 --> 01:12:12

Not even the skin of an untouched woman

01:12:12 --> 01:12:13

inside of her oasis.

01:12:15 --> 01:12:17

Oasis. So he was so amazed by his

01:12:17 --> 01:12:17

skin.

01:12:19 --> 01:12:22

And somehow, subhanallah, the man fell to the

01:12:22 --> 01:12:22

ground

01:12:23 --> 01:12:24

immediately.

01:12:24 --> 01:12:26

Started getting fevers,

01:12:27 --> 01:12:27

started shivering,

01:12:28 --> 01:12:29

started having fits,

01:12:30 --> 01:12:32

started going unconscious in and out, and could

01:12:32 --> 01:12:34

not get up and walk anymore.

01:12:37 --> 01:12:39

Look at him, he's and saw him, he

01:12:39 --> 01:12:40

was completely gone.

01:12:42 --> 01:12:44

So he told them the said, do do

01:12:44 --> 01:12:45

you suspect anyone? He says, yes. He said

01:12:45 --> 01:12:48

it in public. So he got him and,

01:12:51 --> 01:12:53

I forgot what the the exact,

01:12:55 --> 01:12:56

the exact

01:12:56 --> 01:12:58

treatment he did. I think he got him

01:12:58 --> 01:13:00

to make with water or something like that.

01:13:01 --> 01:13:02

I I don't remember exactly.

01:13:05 --> 01:13:07

Rusul. He got the man to do Rusul.

01:13:07 --> 01:13:08

Well, I don't know. Are you sure? But

01:13:08 --> 01:13:10

you for example, maybe maybe a brother

01:13:11 --> 01:13:12

over there is saying,

01:13:12 --> 01:13:14

he made him do Rusul

01:13:14 --> 01:13:16

water and then he said put the water

01:13:16 --> 01:13:18

pour the water over the sick person

01:13:18 --> 01:13:20

and recite this and that.

01:13:23 --> 01:13:24

So there's a dua that we say.

01:13:25 --> 01:13:26

And,

01:13:26 --> 01:13:27

he was cured.

01:13:28 --> 01:13:29

Now if you realize

01:13:29 --> 01:13:32

the occurrence of that is very rare, We

01:13:32 --> 01:13:34

hardly hear about it in the seerah, in

01:13:34 --> 01:13:36

the biographer of Saasanna, in the hadith. This

01:13:36 --> 01:13:38

only occurred once we hear about it, or

01:13:38 --> 01:13:39

maybe twice.

01:13:40 --> 01:13:42

And in as far as I read in

01:13:42 --> 01:13:44

all the seerah of the khulafa the khulafa,

01:13:45 --> 01:13:45

maybe 30

01:13:46 --> 01:13:47

something years,

01:13:47 --> 01:13:49

we hardly ever got maybe 1 or 2

01:13:49 --> 01:13:51

reports of the evil eye.

01:13:52 --> 01:13:55

So I believe that the evil eye is

01:13:55 --> 01:13:57

a combination of its reality, which is very

01:13:57 --> 01:14:00

rare, and us being too paranoid about it.

01:14:00 --> 01:14:02

And I hear a lot of Muslims, when

01:14:02 --> 01:14:04

it comes to the evil eye, somehow it's

01:14:04 --> 01:14:06

the most in the Muslim community.

01:14:06 --> 01:14:06

Why?

01:14:08 --> 01:14:09

I've seen a lot of patients like that,

01:14:09 --> 01:14:11

and look, I'll tell I'll let you in

01:14:11 --> 01:14:13

on something. I used to do a lot

01:14:13 --> 01:14:13

of rukiah.

01:14:14 --> 01:14:16

I don't do it anymore. Don't don't call

01:14:16 --> 01:14:18

me. Alright? Don't call me for rukiahs, brother.

01:14:18 --> 01:14:19

I don't do it.

01:14:20 --> 01:14:22

Call Abu Ramzi or someone else inshallah.

01:14:24 --> 01:14:25

But

01:14:27 --> 01:14:28

a lot of the cases I realized, even

01:14:28 --> 01:14:30

with possession and sehr,

01:14:31 --> 01:14:33

majority of them were really more mental

01:14:34 --> 01:14:35

and paranoia.

01:14:36 --> 01:14:38

Maybe 1 or 2 cases were real, and

01:14:38 --> 01:14:41

I tilted out, can't explain them, but very

01:14:41 --> 01:14:41

red.

01:14:43 --> 01:14:43

So

01:14:44 --> 01:14:46

this is what you do. First of all,

01:14:46 --> 01:14:48

get it out of your head. Say,

01:14:51 --> 01:14:52

Nothing can happen to us except what Allah

01:14:52 --> 01:14:54

has written. Rely on Allah.

01:14:54 --> 01:14:56

Before you go out of your house, recite

01:14:56 --> 01:14:58

the 3 quiz. One way is to put

01:14:58 --> 01:14:59

your hands like this and wipe over your

01:14:59 --> 01:14:59

body.

01:15:02 --> 01:15:03

Learn the dua

01:15:05 --> 01:15:06

for your children, for example,

01:15:13 --> 01:15:14

recite on your children and get them to

01:15:14 --> 01:15:16

recite before they go to sleep. If you

01:15:16 --> 01:15:20

suspect anything, just recite Ayatul Kursi or the

01:15:20 --> 01:15:22

3 Puls, wipe over your children and keep

01:15:22 --> 01:15:24

going. But don't don't get paranoid about it.

01:15:25 --> 01:15:26

You know, the amount of people who show

01:15:26 --> 01:15:27

off their stuff on the Internet and the

01:15:27 --> 01:15:29

amount of people that show up, you would

01:15:29 --> 01:15:30

think people would just be dropping in the

01:15:30 --> 01:15:31

millions.

01:15:32 --> 01:15:33

But they don't.

01:15:34 --> 01:15:35

So let us not make it more than

01:15:35 --> 01:15:37

what it is. I I believe

01:15:38 --> 01:15:39

I'm convinced

01:15:40 --> 01:15:42

that we over exaggerate

01:15:42 --> 01:15:44

the evil eye in Seher.

01:15:45 --> 01:15:47

Some people, they do have the evil eye,

01:15:47 --> 01:15:48

some people, they do have Seher, as I

01:15:48 --> 01:15:49

told you I used to do, rupiah.

01:15:50 --> 01:15:53

But the cases were very minimal, very small,

01:15:53 --> 01:15:55

compared to the ones who really were.

01:15:56 --> 01:15:58

And this is more of the cases that

01:15:58 --> 01:15:59

I've been through.

01:15:59 --> 01:16:00

Brother,

01:16:00 --> 01:16:01

my car has been going through a lot

01:16:01 --> 01:16:03

of faults this month.

01:16:04 --> 01:16:07

You're happy because your car's whatever. Maybe my

01:16:07 --> 01:16:10

business hasn't been going very well. Wallah, we

01:16:10 --> 01:16:10

suspect

01:16:11 --> 01:16:13

the mother-in-law, the sister-in-law, the brother-in-law, someone.

01:16:14 --> 01:16:16

And now they're attacking people and they're innocent.

01:16:18 --> 01:16:20

I don't wanna say too many cases in

01:16:20 --> 01:16:20

case people are

01:16:21 --> 01:16:23

Because we don't wanna identify anyone.

01:16:25 --> 01:16:27

Wallah wallah, I even heard this and it,

01:16:28 --> 01:16:30

I don't know, for some reason, My door

01:16:30 --> 01:16:32

always closed, never failed. This time it's not

01:16:32 --> 01:16:33

closing.

01:16:34 --> 01:16:36

Is does it have to be evil eyes?

01:16:36 --> 01:16:38

Why do you have to go to? Yaqe,

01:16:38 --> 01:16:40

look at the lock. One brother, he was

01:16:40 --> 01:16:41

making wudu.

01:16:43 --> 01:16:44

And he had this paranoia. I've got the

01:16:44 --> 01:16:46

evil eye, the evil eye, the evil eye.

01:16:48 --> 01:16:49

Because he's thought about it so much, he

01:16:49 --> 01:16:50

went to make wudu,

01:16:51 --> 01:16:52

and he slipped

01:16:53 --> 01:16:54

after making wudu.

01:16:55 --> 01:16:57

Said, the evil eye is killing me.

01:16:57 --> 01:16:59

The sheriff who tells me tells me the

01:16:59 --> 01:17:01

story, he says, I said to him, come,

01:17:01 --> 01:17:03

let's let's think rationally.

01:17:04 --> 01:17:06

When you made wudu, was there what kind

01:17:06 --> 01:17:08

of a flaw was it? It says tiles.

01:17:08 --> 01:17:09

I said, okay.

01:17:10 --> 01:17:13

Yamni, was there water? It's wudu pere.

01:17:13 --> 01:17:15

Says, yeah, of course there's water.

01:17:16 --> 01:17:19

Maybe you slipped, water, tiles, you know, friction

01:17:19 --> 01:17:19

gets less.

01:17:22 --> 01:17:24

And he goes, Wallah Wallah, you're right.

01:17:25 --> 01:17:26

He needed that much to tell him.

01:17:27 --> 01:17:29

It was tiles and water.

01:17:29 --> 01:17:31

Someone's got the evil eye.

01:17:34 --> 01:17:36

Sometimes we attack other people.

01:17:36 --> 01:17:38

I remember that brother, at the mosque who

01:17:38 --> 01:17:39

was looking at me funny.

01:17:40 --> 01:17:42

He gave me the evil eye. May Allah

01:17:42 --> 01:17:43

curse him. May Allah give him what he

01:17:43 --> 01:17:45

deserves. Habib, Habib, take it easy. You're just

01:17:45 --> 01:17:47

making up stuff here. Maybe the brother's making

01:17:47 --> 01:17:48

dua for you. Maybe he's looking at you,

01:17:48 --> 01:17:50

feeling sorry for you. Maybe he's

01:17:51 --> 01:17:52

likes you. Maybe he loves you for the

01:17:52 --> 01:17:53

sake of Allah. Whatever.

01:17:54 --> 01:17:56

Maybe he's thinking of giving you his daughter.

01:17:56 --> 01:17:58

You've missed out. Maybe he wants to marry

01:17:58 --> 01:17:59

you to his daughter. He thinks you're a

01:17:59 --> 01:18:00

great man.

01:18:01 --> 01:18:02

His eye is different.

01:18:04 --> 01:18:06

This is paranoia, and we we talk about

01:18:06 --> 01:18:07

ghayb, unseen.

01:18:08 --> 01:18:10

I can go on and on about that,

01:18:10 --> 01:18:10

subhanAllah.

01:18:12 --> 01:18:14

So brothers and sisters, look, I'll tell you

01:18:14 --> 01:18:14

one last story.

01:18:15 --> 01:18:17

This evil eye and delusion and making up

01:18:17 --> 01:18:18

religious

01:18:19 --> 01:18:22

divine things that really the Quran and Sunnah

01:18:22 --> 01:18:23

never told us about.

01:18:24 --> 01:18:26

And sometimes I get young people, especially when

01:18:26 --> 01:18:27

it comes to love and marriage,

01:18:29 --> 01:18:31

they do an istikhara.

01:18:32 --> 01:18:32

Sometimes

01:18:34 --> 01:18:37

a parent parent, father or mother,

01:18:37 --> 01:18:38

doesn't want

01:18:40 --> 01:18:40

that particular,

01:18:41 --> 01:18:42

say,

01:18:43 --> 01:18:45

girl for their son or that boy for

01:18:45 --> 01:18:48

their for their daughter. No no reason. Just

01:18:48 --> 01:18:49

we don't want them.

01:18:50 --> 01:18:51

And,

01:18:52 --> 01:18:54

the son goes and does his tikhara,

01:18:55 --> 01:18:56

gets the girl to do his tikhara.

01:18:57 --> 01:18:59

I've had this happen many times. They come

01:18:59 --> 01:19:01

and tell me, well, we saw good dreams.

01:19:02 --> 01:19:03

I wanna say something about the dreams as

01:19:03 --> 01:19:05

well. We saw good dreams.

01:19:05 --> 01:19:07

It means we're for each other.

01:19:07 --> 01:19:09

So it's really just on dreams? You didn't

01:19:09 --> 01:19:10

ask about each other?

01:19:10 --> 01:19:12

You don't see if you're compatible?

01:19:12 --> 01:19:14

You talk about your future, how you're gonna

01:19:14 --> 01:19:16

live, where you're gonna go, what anything. Just

01:19:16 --> 01:19:16

dreams?

01:19:17 --> 01:19:17

Dream?

01:19:18 --> 01:19:19

He says, yeah, we had good dreams. He

01:19:19 --> 01:19:21

says, but my parents did it My parents,

01:19:22 --> 01:19:23

they also did istikharam.

01:19:24 --> 01:19:25

What did they see? They said they saw

01:19:25 --> 01:19:26

a bad dream.

01:19:29 --> 01:19:32

He goes, his parents didn't want her.

01:19:32 --> 01:19:34

Other parents, they didn't want him. So of

01:19:34 --> 01:19:36

course you're going to see bad dreams. If

01:19:36 --> 01:19:37

you keep thinking negative about something, you're going

01:19:37 --> 01:19:39

to see a bad dream. You're gonna see

01:19:39 --> 01:19:40

nightmares, horror.

01:19:40 --> 01:19:42

And if you look forward and you create

01:19:42 --> 01:19:43

an image about someone, most likely you're gonna

01:19:43 --> 01:19:44

see a good dream.

01:19:45 --> 01:19:46

Alright.

01:19:46 --> 01:19:47

So what do we do now?

01:19:50 --> 01:19:53

One sister made an istikhara and said, oh,

01:19:53 --> 01:19:55

sheikh, here's for me, I saw beautiful dreams.

01:19:56 --> 01:19:57

But my istikhara didn't work.

01:19:59 --> 01:20:00

Went to the brother, he goes, brother, it's

01:20:00 --> 01:20:01

because I made istikhara. And I said, oh

01:20:01 --> 01:20:03

Allah, keep her away from me.

01:20:05 --> 01:20:07

Alright, I'll I'll reverse it. You want me

01:20:07 --> 01:20:09

to reverse it so sisters can feel better?

01:20:10 --> 01:20:10

Imagine

01:20:11 --> 01:20:13

the brother said, I made Istikhara. I wanted

01:20:13 --> 01:20:14

it, it didn't work. And then I went

01:20:14 --> 01:20:15

to her and then she said, I made

01:20:15 --> 01:20:16

Istikhara

01:20:17 --> 01:20:19

not to bring him close. You happy now?

01:20:20 --> 01:20:22

Doesn't really matter. But I'm telling you real

01:20:22 --> 01:20:24

true stories. And for me, a lot of

01:20:24 --> 01:20:25

the brothers would approach me, that's why I've

01:20:25 --> 01:20:27

got more brother stories here. But of course,

01:20:27 --> 01:20:29

what I'm trying to say, brothers and sisters,

01:20:29 --> 01:20:31

is number 1, istikhara does not mean you

01:20:31 --> 01:20:32

to see a dream. Nothing in the Quran

01:20:32 --> 01:20:34

or sunnah told you that.

01:20:34 --> 01:20:37

There is no evidence, not no text that

01:20:37 --> 01:20:38

tells you how to see a dream. Number

01:20:38 --> 01:20:39

2,

01:20:39 --> 01:20:42

and I'll finish it with this, what is

01:20:42 --> 01:20:42

Istikhara?

01:20:44 --> 01:20:45

Learn this line,

01:20:45 --> 01:20:46

Istikhara.

01:20:46 --> 01:20:47

It is

01:20:49 --> 01:20:50

to delegate

01:20:51 --> 01:20:52

to what?

01:20:52 --> 01:20:53

To delegate

01:20:55 --> 01:20:56

your matter

01:20:57 --> 01:20:58

to Allah

01:20:59 --> 01:21:00

to manage it for you.

01:21:01 --> 01:21:02

That's all it is. Delegating

01:21:03 --> 01:21:05

Allah with your affair to manage it for

01:21:05 --> 01:21:07

you, which means whatever the outcome,

01:21:08 --> 01:21:09

be happy, alhamdulillah.

01:21:09 --> 01:21:11

But it also means don't stop,

01:21:12 --> 01:21:14

keep going and go forward. So the is

01:21:14 --> 01:21:16

done like this. You like someone, you wanna

01:21:16 --> 01:21:18

get a job or anything like that, you

01:21:18 --> 01:21:19

pray your 2 rakas, you say the du'a

01:21:19 --> 01:21:21

for istikhara, oh, if it's good for me,

01:21:21 --> 01:21:22

bring it to me, if it's bad for

01:21:22 --> 01:21:23

me, keep it away from me and bring

01:21:23 --> 01:21:24

me the good wherever it is. I just

01:21:24 --> 01:21:25

summarized.

01:21:25 --> 01:21:27

Then what do you do?

01:21:27 --> 01:21:28

Don't wait for anything.

01:21:29 --> 01:21:30

Now move forward.

01:21:31 --> 01:21:33

Go ahead with what you studied and asked

01:21:33 --> 01:21:35

about. And by the way, istikhara is the

01:21:35 --> 01:21:36

last thing you do.

01:21:37 --> 01:21:39

First of all, you do your research, you

01:21:39 --> 01:21:40

study yourself, you see if they're good for

01:21:40 --> 01:21:42

you, you see that you ask.

01:21:42 --> 01:21:44

And after you get advice and you studied

01:21:44 --> 01:21:47

the situation and you looked forward whether you're

01:21:47 --> 01:21:49

capable, you're compatible, whatever it is, the last

01:21:49 --> 01:21:51

thing that you do after you finished all

01:21:51 --> 01:21:52

that, all the rational stuff,

01:21:53 --> 01:21:55

you do the spiritual stuff. Make the istikhara,

01:21:56 --> 01:21:57

say, oh Allah, I delegate my affair to

01:21:57 --> 01:22:00

you, here we go. And then move forward.

01:22:00 --> 01:22:00

Bismillah.

01:22:02 --> 01:22:04

Go and ask for her, tell your parents,

01:22:04 --> 01:22:06

go and apply for the job, send the

01:22:06 --> 01:22:08

email. Start doing everything that you need to

01:22:08 --> 01:22:11

do. Then what happens is either it gets

01:22:11 --> 01:22:13

harder and harder and harder on obstacles, it

01:22:13 --> 01:22:15

doesn't happen, or it happens for you. Either

01:22:15 --> 01:22:17

way, insha'allah, it is khair. Fact that you

01:22:17 --> 01:22:20

did is tikharah, whatever the outcome is good.

01:22:20 --> 01:22:21

That's all tikharah means.

01:22:22 --> 01:22:25

I'm sorry I couldn't give you something more,

01:22:26 --> 01:22:27

romantic but that that's it.

01:22:28 --> 01:22:30

You know, that's how it is.

01:22:31 --> 01:22:32

Tama?

01:22:33 --> 01:22:36

No. Now alhamdulillah, you're more courageous to do

01:22:36 --> 01:22:37

the things you wanna do.

01:22:37 --> 01:22:39

Don't wait for a dream.

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