1 on 1 with Akhi Ayman

Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Al hamdu lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah Yeah. Amen. So

what a pleasure to see the others might have left was like here in the UK, you know? Amen I haven't known you before I only started knowing you like everyone else on social media. You popped up and I thought Who is this young man over here is panela I see a lot of really young people 1415 1618 20 that all into you tremendously like a pop star Masha Allah, Allah, Allah He abetik

And I just want to start now you've been hosting our Light upon light event here in the UK, you are the emcee, masha Allah holesaw doing a whole Sasha a lady. Do you know why I'm wearing blue today? This one she already told you to do like a Smurf decided to be decided to bring it back. Yeah, he also Smurf this. You called me You called me a Smurf with a shirt.

I wore it today to shove it in your face. That's all so it's like you want me to get onto you even further on stage. I want you to wear your heart on your sleeve tonight loss. And right now just be yourself.

And you know, I look at you have been spending time with you here and going coming and I've been really learning a lot about you are a fascinating person.

Amen. And you know, I come from an education background. And we have some friends here who are psychologists from coming from my friends coming from Australia. And we have seen an interesting part about you, which I want to share with the world. So we can know what, why and how. What Allah subhanaw taala has put you in. I think that you have a position where I lost my dad has placed you in? No. Let's start with me asking you about that name that you've chosen a name and your name is not ugly. No, it is a description. This only means my brother. Yes. Can I ask you why did you choose the name Lt. Ayman

Al hamdu lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Muhammad, first and foremost, you have to know Him. Allah is Allah to be even sit with you sat with you in the same room.

The reason why I chose this name, Amen is because I want people to have a intimate connection with me straightaway. So I have Muslims and non Muslims when they say FGM and they automatically say my brother, amen. Let's understand the imam or scholar or Taliban LM like a student of knowledge. But that connection means something to them. Because when they asked me What does actually mean, I told him it means my brother. So there are also when we say we call out your name, your were basically saying my brother, amen. My name is Amen. My first name was Amon, in that intimate moment, when you build with anyone, they will remember it forever. So that's why I chose that name. And even if I go

study and receive each other in Islamic knowledge, I will still remain a human like it. Like to connect with the people to have at your level. There you go. That's what the Prophet SAW certainly allows you to speak to the people at their level of law. If you were to look go back in time to find the prophets Allah said then you will find him sitting with the poor people with the normal people. And that's how I kind of found you to be very humble. Everybody loves to hear the mache the

diet, everybody just looks to you like the the energy that brings everybody laughter among us feel happy when you're around the kalasha Allah do is

you know, there was something that I used to say, Well, my mother used to say she used to say, um, the ones that love the most have felt the most pain. So this is something that

look at the Prophet Muhammad SAW suddenly went through the worst of pains, but he never ever showed it as a Muslim. From what my mother told me, she used to never let people feel sorry for you. If they feel sorry for you based on your condition, then let it be, but they shouldn't feel sorry for you when they first meet you. And this is a image you should never ever put in their head. Or Amen is good disadvantages now. I'm a man. I like to let people know I'm here. Handle mashallah Allah through Allah I've seen, I realize about Allah, I just want to make a very quick one. Don't feel guilty about talking about matters of your past, even if they were bad. So long as number one, your

intention is sincerely for the sake of Allah Subhana Allah. Number two, it's in order to teach the people about how to be guided and how bad something is and why they shouldn't do it. And I think number three, talking to the people about things that relate to them, they're going through, they don't like it. You show them that I was there. And let me tell you why it's not good. And finally from the Quran, Allah Subhana Allah talks 1/3 of the Quran about stories of prophets and even if you look at use or at use of Allah

sent him a lot of talks in detail about how he was seduced by the woman inside of the house. And how Allah says, we'll look at the hammer to be he will have maybe her. Like he said that there were emotions flying about, we also may send him almost had that emotion. He's a human. However, he had seen the sign from his Lord, but he did it. And they ran to the door and she grabbed him from the back. And then the women cut their hands. And then he sat down in secret said, Oh, Allah saved me from this. And then in the prison, you had a prison life, Allah talks about his prison life. So I want to show that not always.

It's not always a case where person shouldn't mention his past, even if some of them are since someone's there rather than they have a listen for other people to learn. So I think this is a misconception unless you say your sins out of pride, or just to show yourself as cool you're not glorify, or to glorify, I've never ever done exactly sir philosophy. Let us begin now and share a lucky Amen. And let me ask you, about your background. Tell us about your upbringing. Tell me about your parents, your mother, whatever you want to tell us about your life, what you told me in the car, anything get linked with the shift, to be honest,

wasn't the best of people back in Europe, as in that welfare as we lived in a very small house, there was seven or nine of us seven kids, including mom and dad, we did in a two bedroom. So he wasn't. And back in the adult video, I remember seeing my phone.

So my father was very absent due to the fact that he was in hospital with joy at the time. And then Hamdulillah, he decided to go to Syria. And in Syria, we spent about six or eight months there. And then we came to the UK. We were placed in the deep end and wait is a Slack law language.

No culture, the weather is different. The people are different. Everyone's a bit like aggressive. We got police in the hood in the gar,

southeast London. So it's like we had to do what we can to survive. Yes, I'm not gonna lie to you. I was a bit picked on for 911 and continuously attacked from people inside the school. It was just constantly survival mode from school. So that built me to become an aggressive person. Why? Why did they pick on your school? What was it because I was getting blamed for 911. I'm from Iraq, for Mosul, suicide. So so when the war started, everyone's attacking the Iraqis.

They're blaming us and when the wall actually went to Iraq, they're like, Well, this is justification that Iraq was the one that did the terrorist attack in 911. So now the people have to suffer. There's people in and outside Iraq. And that's you coming from Iraq, seeing the suffering the turmoil, your family's suffering, you're thinking 100 learner I'm gonna get a bit of relief and suddenly you come here, and they start hammering you. With all these accusations? was English pretty good at that time? Sure. How was learning this is cactus his dog by the age of what? 1011 like, there was no English at home. So they made Hello was the only English I knew.

But so look at the difficulty in I'm 30 years old now. So I've been here for what 2021 years.

I feel like I've done good for my English, I hope doing very well Masha. Allah have you. So you got bullied. That's where it all started. That's 100% How old were you when you start getting bullied? I would say sin. Like when I was 10 years old. I came here when I was 910 years old when I went into school. How did your parents deal with that? You go and they didn't parents? You didn't tell the parents? Oh, you think? Why? Because my parents will go through a lot themselves to adjust to this country. My father is disabled himself. So he can't walk. So why am I going to put more burden on my father? Do you mind me asking how your father became disabled? My father was tortured and kidnapped

in Iraq

by the authorities, and they made the example of

a father who

had the status

and they just destroyed him. And they told you them for God knows how long like I said the hardest so my father.

So when I did see him rolling around on a wheelchair, I realized

they've asked questions,

Samina Wattana, in other words, we hear we will be but this one side, I see those questions.

That's how I've been programmed.

Naturally by default, you're going to be strong. You have to there is no such thing as showing emotion. When you're with your Lord. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Break it. Break. Break yourself. You have to be raised to be strong. No, no room for emotion.

Otherwise you're going to not able to survive 100 young age because because of what happened in my younger years, yeah. If my younger years was as normal as everyone else, I would have crucial the emotion would have been through war and turmoil, bombs, missiles, everything, of course, yeah to share. But the reality is, is that you actually don't realize how important it was for me to hold the hole in.

Very important. Why? Because

a second a ticking time bomb is here.

And it takes a lot to get there. Because it's just the buildup.

But once I need to

lash out, or once I need to explode my emotions, and God knows how that's gonna be.

I came at the right time. It came at the right time.

So you grew up in school here in the UK? Yes. Did you go into high school? Yes.

And was that how was high school for you? High school was the school in a primary school how was high school for high school the first year was the same. The second year, I realized ALLAH blessed me with the ability to fight

so much Allah. It was Sledgehammer over fist, I can tell you that I've seen

love barely so. And then when I realized that Allah has given me this ability to know how to fight, she has just started defending ourselves. And for me, coming from a background of Capulet myself, I didn't like other people getting bullied. So even if it meant I got beat up by a group of friends in school. So no friends, small group of people in school, about the

feeling of getting bullied chef is so disgusting word. Do you think it's when you see people getting bullied in high school? Or there's no mercy? What what? Why did you feel the need to defend the victim? Because I know how it feels I got picked on for not speaking English. I go to the terrorist furlough for having no part in anything to do with a 911. That's me blaming Christianity for keh, keh, keh, keh, keh keh? Do everything in the name of Christianity? Makes no sense. Make it make sense. You can't, you can't blame a person's emotion.

compared to everyone else, is like I can't blame a father for going out to causing a major havoc on the road. Am I gonna blame his wife and his kids? Of course not. So why would you blame a whole religion? Why would you blame a whole nation, because what happened to me,

you got a sense of justice.

Some people when they're bullied, I've seen it as a teacher, I've seen them go two ways. Either they become bullies later on to take revenge of the world. And others, they turn to the way you turned. I used to

have that I bullied a young girl in primary school once

we are and then I turned, and then I got bullied. And you can either go one way or the other. So you're going in a direction now of standing up for people who are weak and victims, and you are ready to take on 10 people.

Okay, and then after that, shareholders will be honest with you.

If I am defending someone that is right, regardless if he's Muslim or not, let's make that clear. As a as a Muslim, we defend people that are vulnerable. And victims. We don't care about your religion, when you go into you as a human aspect of a cyber offense. So if I'm defending, I'm defending you, because I know as long as you're not in the wrong, I will defend you. Even if you are in the wrong, I would rather fight that off. But if I see that you're the one that's getting beaten up, or maybe you're the one who started the problem. I'd rather come and defuse the situation, by if I find out that you yourself was the problem that me and you are gonna have words and exchange words. And

hopefully we don't get physical. But the reality is, we go by what is apparent, and what is apparent. You're the one that's a victim right now, you're the one that's PMP up. So it's only right, I defend you in that moment.

So where do we go from?

The youth, they need a voice. They don't. They don't have a voice at home.

They don't have a school, they don't have a voice in school. They don't have a voice in the extra curriculum activities such as murderous or whatever. Maybe

they're not themselves on the street because the streets are evil right now. Innocent people are being killed for not even handing over their mobile phones or their watch. So the reality is everyone is a victim to either someone else for themselves. Some would say How can you be a victim to yourself? You're being a victim to yourself because and I say this to the youth if you're not being obedient

to a lot or being obedient to your

parents or being obedient to your soul, then you're being you're being a victim, you're being controlled by fins. When your body was created when your soul was created, yes, you have a body, your body is for you. Your body ain't gonna return back to Allah. So that mechanism that you have the your organs, it remains on this earth

but the engine is the soul and that's engine doesn't belong to a processor manufacturer. So it's got to go back even if there's any issues you got to change your oil no worries make wudu

simple you got to change any health conditions if you can, like say for instance, if you fall into any

disease, diseases illnesses, actually is simple. You make Allah as your priority. You make your religion as your priority your deen you make your Salah Satan, you shift. Do you find lacking Salah we may have 17 year old yesterday, in a restaurant, his father's begging me to come and speak to my son 17 years old Allahumma barik bravas the bhava 17 makes me look like a skinny one. Mashallah. Hench Good luck, it looks after him. So I look at him. He doesn't he doesn't know how to have eye contact with me why? I said to him what was going on, talk to him. He's outranks to my father.

As an uncle, please give him some space

for toileting. And for me when I talk to the youth, I bring myself to lower than them. I don't bring myself as equal to them. I've been them lower. I show them that I'm looking to become vulnerable. Just for you to become vulnerable. Michelle, that's how that's that's the language they understand. Because the reality is they're all suffering. They just need someone to hold them and say, Bo, I'm with you. Your tears are mighty, your pain is my pain. Your happiness is what happens. So talk to me.

As I stray, we'll let him do relax Allah

is I'm ashamed to say this. But yes.

So how old is a 17? As a bow, I was once upon a time there. From the age of 12. To the age of 19. We go through an identity crisis. If the youth to my knowledge, if the youth are not being grabbed between these two ages, from 12 to 19. If they don't know their purpose in life, their vision, their goal, and what they should be ambitious about, you're going to lose them.

So this is the best time to make the fallen over the religion.

How did you find that go with that young boy? Sure. He told me about the issues. So he said to me, my friends are big.

They don't bring me to the religion. But he said something that was profound. He said to me, his non Muslim friends have said to him what you're doing is wrong. This is not what your religion teaches you.

I looked at the Uncle Sam Uncle, let me chat to you quickly. So I've gone to him in the corner of the restaurant.

I said him Uncle Don't ever bring up his past.

Let the man live. Let him live. If he makes mistakes, he will realize those mistakes and he will come back

that we have

and in the moment I said that straight away the uncle opened his mouth and said but he's got bad friends this is it this way you go wrong.

I'm a stranger to you. I'm a man that you see on the tablet or phone. What gives you the audacity to open up your mouth to told me that your son is around bad people? Why do I need to know that? So if you've done that to me and I'm a stranger, how many family members have you spoken to? How many people have you put down your son in follow? You just put him down in front of me. So I say to my uncle straight away or defuse the situation? Don't ever been up

even if he friends backstab him. That's the him to learn. So uncle, haven't you been betrayed? Haven't you been in business? Haven't you traveled with people? You've been betrayed, you learn to yourself. You won't get lectured by someone that they themselves haven't got freedom. So why are you making yourself go through it? You're programming your son. Yeah, you're gonna get people to betray you're gonna get people to accept. Let him live. Let him gather that information for themselves. Let him see it.

It's x amount that restricts their kids from ever doing anything outside.

No going to extracurricular activities, no football, no swimming. You can't go out to go to the cinema. You can't do anything social activities. The moment they taste that, that buzz that they get outside the house.

us, that becomes a drug to them. So now you've made them addicted to that drug that you've made them, that you've held back for so long. You're the one to blame.

I'm a parent.

And I see young people like that. And you're right. You're saying that your child feel that he's truly got a father who is guiding him not judging him law? Isn't that true? Yes or no? Okay.

A child, if he says, Well, I love my mother, my mother 80% of her life, she was a friend. When she needed to be a mother, it took only 20% of our time. She knew when to become a mother. But she was one of the men that she was one of the boys. She was someone that we can come and banter and just be ourselves. Our father was different. And I understand his background, but my mother now

just friend, she's a friend. She's a companion within Luca, as a mother, only at times when she needed to become a mother, she knows when to put you back in your place. So the parents in today's day and age, they're being so they're being more of a parent than they are a friend. Why? Because a friend has a lack of authority by parents has an authority. So you talk down to them. You put them down, you told them off, I'll give you a prime example. Sure, there was a guy that came to my talk. He said to me, I've grounded my son, he never went to school. So he wasn't allowed to come and listen to you said to him was the issue. Because he didn't go to school when he was crying, and he

wanted to come. I said, You know what, uncle, I don't do this. But for you, I will come to your house. We went to go and see his son. I said him, Can I have a moment with your son, please let me just speak to him. I found that his son's been bullied. That's why he never went to school, where it was the time for you to find the ground or the foundation of your son's problems. You didn't why? Because the Authority came out, put the authority aside.

What you're saying is treat your children according to their age, if he's 17, and 16, a parent should be communicating with their child and the things that they're interested in being involved with them. So the child can feel free to talk to their parents without ramifications and judges be able to talk, they can't talk, you're going to lose them. And this is what I fall into. Sometimes my daughter's five years old, I go steps on the stand. I want to be able to portray that but sometimes I felt I felt not because

I'm purposely trying to fill in it but it really is like

it's like I know what I'll go up it there's too much pain for me that I've gone through that I don't want them to go through so it comes out wrong. In my speech and my actions No, you can't do this. You can't do that. The reality is just let them live. Let them make mistakes. Looks like you're still learning as well. If you have no idea right now. I'm about five to 10% or more fatherhood

I haven't gotten nowhere near 50

It's good to that humbleness shows in you that you are ready to learn and you're not arrogant, Masha, Allah. I'll tell you what I've realized just from that little bit, some people they go to learn shut er and they go to university and some of them go and learn whatever expertise they can whether it's psychology, science, teaching, even as a teacher, whatever it is, Imam che a scholar PhD.

One thing that we cannot learn in school and at university is this experience that you're talking about. You can't learn this from textbooks. You can't know this from your teacher. So although you're not a chef, or a scholar or someone who's trained in the ficlet and Sharia on deep level, you are learning from the scholars hamdulillah what you have is that you have a degree in understanding emotional intelligence in people understanding young people's mindset, I feel I feel good about Alhamdulillah and stay humble. Stay humble, of course. Mantova Allah Allahu Allah and you should be proud of something like this that Allah Subhana Allah has given you it's a gift. Not many people can

do that I can have all the PhDs in the world

but to understand the mindset put myself in someone's shoes, that doesn't come from textbooks. So that's the area of law, Nova Scotia, Masha, Allah, Allah Hi, everyone has a place and that is your place the young people mashallah now, do you mind me asking you

about your mother?

What can you tell us about your mother and your relationship growing up with her? I know it's going to be hard for you to share whatever you can. I want to know your relationship with your mother with your sisters.

I want to know about this beautiful mother that you just mentioned.

Schiff My mother was a woman of a brother. I'm not gonna lie to you. She was a woman that at times me and my brothers used to get onto that mom come and say

She used to pray outside Tattslotto tahajjud this is after midnight This is that she used to pray in the garden. I'm like, Mom, what are you doing?

And And at one point,

she told my brother she goes, she goes when I turn to Allah

when it comes to the lowest of the,

the levels of the Heaven.

She said, I don't want no barrier between myself and Allah. No barrier, no barrier. I don't want nothing above me. Yes, we know there is nothing above you anyway. But the way she looked at it was I don't even want any building anything that mount that is manmade.

Like, like,

your level of contentment with your Lord has to be so far for you to look at this. You don't want anything man made to be in between you and Allah subhanaw taala. That's including the roof and the house that we stay in. That's why she used to go in the garden. But I told you this year,

the two hours of a mother, I'm a witness to this.

We we we would have police come to the house. We have weapons,

illegal weapons.

And one law he they will be standing on the weapon and kicking it around because of the dua of a mother. They applied it to the police are blinded to it. Where witnesses are looking like this can't be real. Are they that stupid? Slow stupidity

is the dua. But

I remember when Omaha she went to go and see my mom's grave. And this is something that my mom used to do no weak stuff on a daily basis. Every week, every month 24/7 of the time, seven days a week without fail, she would leave the house around midday, just to go visit patients without fell if it's raining, snowing, windy, you name it. Even if there was a tornado, she would go. She goes this is something that I've picked my way. It's the small things that you do that is consistent, that are most beloved to Allah.

She'll go and do this when I went to her grave now, Alicia, this is not even exaggerating. Even the brothers with me started.

Start finding this to be a bit weird. Because they know the story of a month

after the whole graveyard, my mom's my mom's grave was the only grave that had pigeons around Allah. You can't make this stuff up here.

You think to yourself, but you know what? I have failed my mom. She has done a lot. You feel you failed your mom? 100%?

Let's take a step back.

What's the story of your mother?

My mother passed away. Tell us

if you want to share No, of course.

So when your brothers got together, she me and my brothers got together we wanted to surprise my mom by taking terminal.

I was meant to have gone but because I had commitments. My mom says Amen. Anytime I get the opportunity to go to camera, I'm gonna go so even if I go with your brothers now, if you go in a few months, I'm coming. Whenever I say there's no, there's no two ways about it. Okay, no worries. Well, you're gonna go in October. I'm going to February you're coming with me.

She went me and my brothers go together. Two brothers went two brothers stayed behind. So we're four brothers. How many brothers and sisters are seven altogether? She's three sisters and four boys. Three Sisters. Four is always your sisters younger than your two sisters older than me and one sister younger. So hamdulillah quite balanced and your brothers. So I'm like right in the middle. She was younger. Feodor hamdulillah and

so we went to Omaha and walleye. This is something I'll regret and it's hurting me and me up. Because the whole 12 days that she was there 1012 days that she was there. I didn't want to message her. I don't want to call her I didn't want to send them a voice No. I didn't want to communicate with why because I said I know this is important. She's a woman of a bad like her go intermediate. How going to make her let her be because my brother is already with her. She went to Medina I remember she my Imam said to me that your mother said to the woman because they were with the women going around. She said your mother said to the woman in Medina that have repented for all of my

sins.

And I am ready to meet Allah. This is in Medina

wala had better things planned for Allah didn't want her to pass away Medina so she went to Morocco.

She did her Umrah. The ladies when they came to my house after they came back from Pamela they came back to the UK after the possum my mom she said we never ever

saw a woman

The way she was your mother used to encourage the younger sisters to come into a bed in the house of Allah, your mother, your mother used to go to sleep pretending to go to sleep, wait for your brother's to fall asleep and then sneak out of the hotel room just to go in front of the camera and pray to Allah subhanaw taala you would think to yourself that this is different than the day before she did. The day before she's meant to come here. She sends me a voicemail.

And the voicemail is salam ala commandment, I hope you're well. I love you.

As she goes, amen, send me the size of your phone. So I can get your phone before I come back.

And that's the last time and

because I didn't want to speak to my mother, I didn't want to send her voice note back. I wanted her to enjoy her time. But if my if I need to get anything, my brothers would get me something. I don't want it for my mom. But the fact that she was still thinking about me

is always Hamdulillah. And then

my mother wanted to return back to Allah in the house of Allah. And she went to

she was on their way to come back.

In the hotel room, she wasn't feeling too well. And then they told her to sit down and they got a bottle of water. And then when they got the bottle of Zamzam water, they just said

is it a sippy? And she said the hash had constantly. And she took two sips of water on the third sip. She's missed her mouth. My brother has told me they missed her mouth. And then they looked at each other goes, yep, medical motives here. They can feel it.

And then

my brother said, when she became stiff, and she scrunched up the bottle of water.

They need there's no going back. They knew this is her final moment. And I remember.

I remember the people that were there. Remember the people that were there? They said, We have what we witnessed it. How your brothers have a little brother because my little brother was my mom's favorite child. We know this. We don't get onto my mom to say, oh, you know what? That's your favorite child know, we know you had an attachment to that one child is he mothers, they love all the kids equally, but there's that one child they have that special bond with and that was my little brother that was with her. And the people said to me what they saw my brother the way he

the way he screamed the way he said they would never get over that.

And in that moment, I was given the talk.

I said to the people because I've got to focus in on what was not well, I said look, I'm about to go into a talk. So bear with me. But I'm going to answer if my brother calls my brothers with her.

So I went to the to Shanghai I'm getting phone calls and phone calls and phone calls and I knew it was my sister's my wife is my sister from

my older sister my little brother that's with me here. I'm getting phone calls and I'm avoiding it because Maha say my mind is telling me bro prepare Sophia Maha doesn't want to accept it. Because these phone calls are coming in so much. I don't want to answer it. Let us have a FaceTime that came from my brother that was with her. My little brother and my blue Baba message. I mean it calls the answer and he says to me Amen. I'm gonna say this one someone's only

said our mother has returned back to Allah. So he's joking because we're alive my mother. And he just handed up because he just handed up. She's in Makkah hamdulillah she was buried in Mecca.

Take your time. Take your time. It's not easy. And the reason why I say I failed

it's because I've never spent enough time with.

You see, there's times where husband and wife my girlfriend issues. I knew mommy's house was the place to go. I will go out with my friends. I don't need to do that.

Their sons are struggling at work. Who do I call? I call my mom. And I say this all the time I say and I said this to my wife and I said this to my sisters I sensitive. There will be I can never love you the same

day like why? I said the love that I used to receive from a mum is the love that I used to give if that love has been caught. I can't love you the same way anymore.

Your mother died after she did ombre. She was buried in Mecca.

Which is an amazing privilege. Subhanallah it's a sign that insha Allah

Your mother's in an amazing place.

And perhaps the reason for your turning around

and being a benefit for the people that really need a loss, Pankaj Allah and Allah has perhaps made you one of those tools. If you're a man, in an area we can't reach, I can't reach for example, in all my talks, the same youth that you can reach me admit that not me, not any of the others. And perhaps this is the legacy for your mother as a reward for her. It's not easy to lose a loved one says there's no a loved one. I lost my backbone.

She knows someone has loved me.

She's someone who's part of me, when you use a part of yourself.

You you can't function properly.

So when people say I'm sorry for your loss, so for your loved one, it's not a loved one.

It's a part of you that you will never get back.

You're going to be an amazing man in hopes which will make your mother proud your father and everyone.

Take your time, but you're gonna see

the reason why I changed. I went to prison had a very hideous life, a life of crime, a life of disobedience to my parents. A life of disobedience to Allah.

Well, we all practice it, in a sense, where we used to pray and that was it.

When I went to prison, prison wasn't a wake up call. My Wake Up Call was what happened in prison. When I saw my mom coming to visit

when I see my mum in her modesty, not hijab, modesty, head to toe. People need to know what the differences are. My mother came in her modesty from head to toe.

And I see her being searched.

I said no, I can't let my mother go through this.

And the reason why it was a big wake up call and they found out what happened that day I went to prison. Today I went to prison shift.

I left to go to call and it was getting sentenced. I went I said I went to court. I packed my bags are no longer in prison. This is my sentencing judge told me you're looking at jail time so come prepared, you're going in.

packed my bags, Machado brothers came with me. My older brother hug them kiss them and he went to work. I went to court I got sentenced to 66 months to do half of that to do 33 months.

Because in the UK you do half

so you got sentenced to 66 months or the 33 go in there now Sheriff

AK my brothers came back to the area. The same day my brother was getting back to my youngest brother and his friends. They were waiting around somewhere. Then they came across some enemies. So now they contacted my alpha brothers saying Yo you need to come down.

These times the day before we were playing with a shotgun just to make sure it's loaded on whenever

some Ababa motherboard was getting messages come down, there's issues the law he's panicking now he jumps on the pushbike. He comes down to the area comes down with a shotgun. He's across the road now. He's looked at my brother and his friends that were busy. The guy was acting like a civilian. The guy that was our enemy. He came around the bus stop, stop my brother twice in the neck. Once in the chest. My brother's film fell off the bike now. My youngest brothers run across the road they're having a knife fight. He stabbed my brother 11 times my brother stabbed him like around 8090 in time so they just go night. But when you're the adjourns coming in you're just going in

and then my youngest brother runs to my brother and this is and this is Han Allah said to my brother that we see when you love and when you go life free pain. You know how to bond with each other. My youngest brother saw his older brother

on the floor when the blood just squirting out. And even though he's got 11 holes in him

he's putting pressure on Bob on his neck and looking at him then we'll have a friend come to cut the shotgun for the bag and shot the guy in the back took off his whole shoulders

and then we'll say well you're criminal you don't deserve it. No, bro. This was survival. We talking about? We don't know understand. It wasn't. You told me a little bit about it that your upbringing and the bullying we've never we've never ever done nothing for people just kept going at you. It wasn't over. Some people might think it's you know

What what happened? What I gathered from you is nothing about drugs or anything. I'm sure people will just after us just happen to be in the wrong place, and your circumstances and your background. That's what you were telling me.

The Muslims, you didn't you didn't choose that. Thank you. It upsets me that the Muslims call us criminals are the most of that. Look at this Rodman extraordinaire, he thinks he's the Imam, or shut your mouth. What are you talking about? You have no idea. You never said you're an imam. Amongst us, you've acted like a very humble young student who was ready to learn. We have to take it easy on you and be fair to you and merciful and compassionate to you. I've learned so much about you in these four days. Amen. I see you like, almost, I don't look at but I'm old enough to almost be like your father 100. And I see like a nephew that is ready to be guided. And I think we need to invest in

you. And we need to help you and empower you and nurture you. And you get more knowledge and shalom more wisdom, because you have a foundation we don't have a net is you understand the youth better than anyone else. Perhaps Allah subhanho wa Taala may have

did the whole the circumstances for you to bring something out of you.

But you should understand that this is not the life I should not follow. It's not called it's a rough tough, but I can tell you are full of pain and full of pain. And you're finding for the first time your paradise. So your mother went to visit you in the prison and she was in her modesty tell us the moment that made you change shift is the fact that I couldn't touch her. And I couldn't hug her behind the glass. Because because I had a close visit. Normally you have a normal visit where you come and they bring you some food and someone who like snacks that you normally get from the canteen. But because I was on closed visit due to being a violent prisoner.

I was allowed to associate with the rest of the prisoners that were on visit to have my own room. And then that room there's a big glass from side to side and I couldn't even smell her.

And then one out loud. It was it was difficult for me. I know and I wanted them I wanted that comfort for my mom.

And then finally another she's driven. She's taken a three hours to come to me. And three hours to go about. Why am I going to let my mother now she's come to see us on a bear man shift. My brother's cool that case on the same day I went to prison. So my mother saw three of our kids I have fought in prison all at the same time. How did that make you feel? I'll share a crumbled me. That's what made me change and I made the oath to myself.

Cephalon I myself made the oath to Allah. I made an oath to my mother. I said, I'm never gonna go back to the sick and twisted ways that I was. I'm making a promise that I'm going to be inshallah coming out. Bear in mind. I never ever got hurt on the streets, or got rushed us nothing. But actually getting stabbed or getting short. No, I got shot by my enemies on three different occasions. While handler Nobody touched me.

The reality Allah had me.

When I came out of prison, I got tested.

And while my brothers was still in prison,

I came out of prison. I was tested as in that a lot Latos you, you claim you believed so you claim you believe and you won't be tested.

Let me let me test you to see if the old female with me in prison meant something. Or the oath you made with your parents meant something.

And I got stabbed the first time by a friend at a train station on my way to a dentist.

I saw him this is the same guy that I actually had a fight with back in the day before prison I finally became a Muslim law I serve at the train station we have the our we we said salaam to each other on Happy days. I said to him Oh forgive me. You're Muslim Now you're my brother. I'll go you like you understand he ghosted me so you're not going to go back to the rows? No, bro.

Okay, amen. With your experience in that life. Can you tell us why? Why do youth go down that road? What what what are the reasons that make them go down from your, from your experience from your own thoughts? In your opinion? What do you look for stuff like that, that just ruins their life? And I know what you're wanting it's miserable. What is it about it that makes them go down now? I mean, what do you think are the reasons Is it lack of knowing about Islam that lack of family is the relationship with their parents is because they don't can't find themselves? No one's guiding them as a bullying as a judgment. What is it share their emotions, but based on my observation

is a lack of

love and care from the household. That's number one.

Number two is a lack of Islam.

Without felt a lack of basic etiquettes of Islam. You don't need to gain knowledge

in your early years. You just need to know what is halal and haram

that is pleasing to Allah and displeasing to Allah, for your range of age of one adult range of age, your range of age.

And then leave them be let them learn everything else. The moment you make them a prisoner or feel like a prisoner inside the household, the moment you will lose them outside because they will find comfort in someone else did you call it give them comfort?

The youth one comfort,

we get afraid as parents that if we let them do things, then we're not going to get them back. We get scared as parents that if I don't guide them, so sometimes if a parent doesn't know what to do they get scared that they're going to lose their child. You know, like profit. No, Holly's

just some Son Son, please, please, please stand the wave took him. We're afraid of the waves taking our children. Okay, amen. So, sure, why don't you go with the wave?

Tom, what do you mean by that? Well, I mean, by going with the wave, you make your soul vulnerable to your child. You let them know of the struggles that you when you was his age? And growing up interested does it and the struggles of his uncle's maybe struggles from his cousins? Maybe? Where did that lead you? That led them to be obedient to Allah Allah. Where did that lead you that led you to be a man of regret.

While you're a man of regret, or for you love that life? Noble regret, is a form of repentance

is a form of getting rid of your ego. Definitely your arrogance. Regret is a form of you understanding your human, you make mistakes. But now, let's not try and fall back into those mistakes, no less and less of like, oh, we need to protect our kids, we will not protect your kids. For most out there. protections from Allah, what you need to do is prepare them. There's a big difference, prepare and protect. You prepare them for going down that path and let them hate it. If you protect them, they're more eager to know what are you protecting me from? I want to know what you're protecting me from none other protection comes from Allah. You've done your part as Hey, by

preparing them as a whole different pathway. Chef, be a parent. Be merciful. Sit with them show you vulnerability, talk about it. Listen to them. Let them feel that their identity is strong. Sometimes my daughter asked about my mom, she sees me getting terrible. She knows I miss my mum. She wipes away my tears hamdulillah she knows just us that's the bone the half of my daughter you understand? It is where it's like the first eight that had OMA so the first one my daughter had that my mom my daughter of no five years old telling me it's gonna be different this year we talking about Baba

Yeah, grandma's noise.

Let them see you be vulnerable. Inside the house. If you cry, you cry. You're human. You're like them.

Don't be disturbed. And there's something my dad was always sternly no law. Like,

keep it yourself. Not to say he was bad. It's why he got programmed.

Or we by default, we got programmed to this but now life is the greatest lesson mashallah, you've learned this on your own.

Amen. Tell me about your relationship with your sisters.

Well, I

have a very close relationship, or my older sisters than I do. My younger sister. By growing up was closer to her.

But when I became an adult, when I became a wonder became married, because they got married before me. When I became a father, ah.

I call them The Three Musketeers, the troublemakers, my mom, and both of my older sisters, those three, the advice you would get from them is like

a sec. It's like you're being interrogated by three women all at the same time. But it's good advice, obviously. And my mother would say something that my sister would say something that the other one would disagree with my mom would have or disagree with my sister and now there's two against one than the other. And you're just sitting there thinking, This is advice for me not for yourselves and not attacking. So. So my. So when when my mother returned back to Allah, I saw that there was alarm I mean, I saw that there was problems. I saw that there was problems between the sisters now why because my mother was the glue.

And now they because they character so different from one another.

They don't have that

Lou anymore

to let them know the differences of course. My mother is the compensation lost the mother go she's the one and composition she goes we feel very lucky. She's the compositor life.

She's the magnet that brings everyone together. That magazine has been taken away. Who are you drawn to?

You love your sisters. I love them. Allah you take their advice above and beyond the issue. You help them to my best of my abilities they have their husbands to help them when they were when I was still single. What do you do to help with the dishes? Sure. Did they help you with the dishes? will lie my sister can tell you this year when I say help them with the dishes it means in my household there was no difference between the boy and the girl doing dishes. We were both the same ah my sister sometimes would do I said come here let me do it. And this relationship did you have a similar one like that with your sisters? My sisters we fight over who's going to wash the dishes?

Why because I myself I find washing dishes hoovering is very therapeutic. And my wife uses that you find that therapeutic very well Allah I don't know I'm a very rough tough person find ironing theory because a prison ship because I live by myself and you had to take care of myself. So you get into this routine you live by yourself you're you know how to nurture yourself because you're in behind the closed door Yeah, so I in

washing up

cleaning or so now but this on a different scale cleaning your house. I love it. My wife uses and abuses it though. I don't like it. So whenever Am I in the fold now she goes, I buy I am a niqab I am a hijab she says that Yeah. Because she knows I like it and so she goes oh yeah, oh, you know what I in this for tomorrow's lecture sort of looks too good to be true for now. But I bet you say relax me still on it. I still I and I still may Allah Allah who

you know with marriage this is important to know gosh, your Hala we sometimes look at men sometimes like when you look at you talking you think he's the aggressive misogynist type that he looks down on women but when we look into your life in actual practice your words may not

come out in the right place at times yes and that's okay we're always learning with loads you said it yourself your English is not the best and you're still learning to articulate yourself and she sometimes it's happened to me I want to say something then it comes out in the wrong way.

That's the way I should have said even till now. But when we look at you know your walk the talk Masha Allah and when you look at how you got no difference you know, in your house, it's not gender bias. It's not this is you have to iron I'm not touching you like you get told off and the ironing and you say come on when you hug and you still do it because you hope your wife and your children see that and if you're Hello enough for my sisters Yeah, I got you learned that from your sister my sisters my my sisters.

They always said like it's a sight they prepared me by using reverse psychology from before go into prison. So they made you fall in love with doing house chores why? Because the prophets Allah Allah Allah let me sit Do It Yourself true. Do you understand the hell yes. So if the Prophet used to do it, who are we are I know who we are. We follow the Quran and the Sunnah upon the understanding of the West. That's where we are because the West toes you say you know, this is no for you. You have a position to play. Now, a Santos you wherever happens under your roof, you are equal.

In love, in respect, in care, in passion in affection.

And you said it the key is we have a role model him Allah sent to us look at kernel config Rasulillah he will sweat on Hassan there has come to you the best example in the Messenger of Allah, Allah and that is your motto. You have a standard which you go by in our in science I don't know if you've done science when we do an experiment. You cannot do an experiment without something called a standard or a control you have to get a huge data test you and in order for experience to be compared you have to have something that's that you compare to use a standard like say water that doesn't change and then there's something called variable the variable means we're going to try and

whatever works that simulate we take this as a role model this is huge. So Mohamed Salah sandals, Ross was an belongs the best of examples. When you have a standard to go by who was Rasul Allah so missionary of Allah and Allah Quran, no matter how far you go wrong, you're telling me you go back on that standard and start again and started getting your foundation as a human as he's he's the he's described your role on the show. Yeah has to be

in

needs to be vertical. There's a big lag, you need to understand what you where you stand with this. You need to understand

you know, I've listened to a few of your talks, wrapping them up, inshallah now, I've listened to a few of your talks, I haven't listened too much, but a few will 100 avoid that person should avoid, I like to listen. And we never see ourselves better than than other people is always something to learn. You have something I don't have, for example, a lot of my colleagues and a lot of the chefs they don't have even educators and teachers, I told you about that. You have something and that is you tell us exactly what the mind of the youth is going through. And that teaches us about how to articulate in which directions to go. It helps psychologists, it helps therapists, it helps

counselors, we need that information. People like you give us that valuable information you don't want them to expose. Okay, this is this is an art that's an education that many people will let me give you something that I do now. I go to different massage at different youth clubs. I've been even invited to like church groups, that they're telling me, we're not Muslim, or all of our boys in church they watch or Wallah, Muslims or non Muslims, I would go because Tibet relating exactly is resonating with the person does go through the same things you're going through right now. And people think, yeah, I thought this guy's a 30 year old guy, what's he talking about?

I'm still a youth. I still classify myself as a youth. Anyone that's above 40. Now, you're old still. But you will never fully know. Your youth is done. And all your adulthood starts with you saying about me, bro, Chef. Shalom are very handsome guys. Thank you. So let me know go to a different type of topic.

Because now you're going to get interrogated.

I wasn't able to get to sleep tonight. Gotta make me feel good. But Haleakala

was none of the shake. I love what I'm saying. Allah blessed you with being a teacher, Chef. Allahumma Baddeck. She so you know, I would always say this

should be the best teacher for yourself. First and foremost, see what you can learn from yourself. Anything that you lack in, excel in. So people think wherever you're good in Excel and know, the stuff that you're good at, leave them, they come in handy, is what you lacking. You need to excel work on them. Because those are your goofin is never going to drop, you're good day, you're not gonna get I'm a construction worker, I'm good with my hands. I like to build a lot hardware. You don't see me behind the computers doing this law was not to disrespect the people that do that. That's not my cup of tea.

My cup of tea is physical work, during working construction during building a house, so I love doing and at the same time shift, it takes me away from my pain. I'll go a bag on my stomach.

And I've got nerve damage on the left side of my body is constantly is in pain.

I've got the sensitive side of nerve damage, not the numbness, facula alarm, I mean, she was constantly there. So at times, like last night, I struggled to see if I was in pain. Why? Because the it was too sensitive. Our call was sock, I can't even put a blanket on the left side of my body. Because anything that touches it just feels like I'm getting electrocuted is there. But when it gets touched, it just goes a bit in a higher frequency. So hurts. So for me to be vulnerable with the youth to this level.

And I'm telling them, bro, I know where you're feeling.

Let's do this together. I'm not going to leave you to it. But let's do this together. That's a gift.

I was saying that I listened to some of your talks.

And sometimes I say, Okay,

this young man here, he's not talking from the books. He's talking from his experience. And therefore sometimes you would give an opinion.

And I know this is from your own experience.

And sometimes some people can resonate with that some people have a tough time accepting that from you. And some people expect from you really, really high because they're looking at you in the wrong way. They're looking at you as this great scholar or the chef or this person who should know better. But what you're actually doing is that you're reaching out to the segment of the youth.

And that segment of the youth that's one Rubble, you're relating to them in a way we can't. So we have to have compassion with people like you and like me and take it easier when you said something before where we judge each other too much online. Allah we got to really look at our intentions and think are we really trying to guide this person and help for the sake of Allah because we want the best for them? Or are we doing it to bring attention to ourselves? This is something even myself or my

life I've been afraid of so called react to show off your good deeds, if I weren't good for you and really, truly you mentioned some of the Messiah who studied, at least we call them students with knowledge and some of them scholars, you can tell the difference when they want to advise you, they advise you in the Most Merciful way. And I remember when you were saying that you've got those chefs around you advise you a different way to the rest. You can take it because they really truly feel the care they take you aside and advise you and you correct yourself. Like the man who came to the Prophet Muhammad Allah suddenly lost and he was a young man is about 1617 years old. He was a sharp

he was a

rock or young person. He comes across as sounds people around him, he said the Rasul Allah, please give me permission to commit fornication. I want to do Zina in front of everybody. But that's not the point the people started screaming How could he talk like that? doesn't know any better how rude. He is the prophesy said I'm saying everybody leave him alone. Bring him to me very close right here.

So he avoided the public and he gave him important song come right next to me. came really close. Anybody can hear and say

what you're asking for? Would you like it for your sister? Sets? Oh, no, I would run some myself to your Rasul Allah Now what I wanted for my sister, would it like it for a mother and he would say no, what did you like it for your daughter? Would you like it for your auntie? Would you like it? The Kim's gone? No, we got a solo. And you said and the same people would not like it for that

same thing. It would not like it for their own. So that's when he said Wallahi there was no more hated act to me then Xena after that zin law on occasion. Just from the approach of the portal, I said, we need to nurture and take it easy. If we truly want to advise someone, the man who urinated in the masjid, no standard was ours. And everybody said, how can you relate? Some of them went for their swords. This was awesome said Let him finish let him finish his urination in the masjid. And then he called him close. And he said to him, this is not a place. He says Peter Kirby, what Ami? Have you been? I'm trying to make a point here that, yes, you're gonna make mistakes. Sometimes

Sometimes the words won't come right either focus on the gift that Allah Subhana Allah has given you people when Allah bring that as an asset for the young people. So in our final remarks here, amen. My brother, amen.

Can you give just any simple advice to the youth as final remarks Inshallah, take your time mentioned one, two or three points in Sharma

which want to make it clear chef.

You, you know, I'm not a scholar, not an Imam, not an estate as well.

I'm trying to be that copy that you use before coming home, the one you wipe your shoes on the one you have to dust off all each and every time before you leave. I mean, so before you get into your house on or before you get into a machine, or before you get into a hotel, or wherever it may be more than an hour to be that carpet.

That you have to dust off yourself, to prepare for the people of knowledge, prepare for the people of that sacrifice that time for the team. I'm happy being that copy, not the copy that the genie flies on and takes you around the world. No, let me be the copy a humbles me. And he reminds me of where I came from, or where I'm trying to go. Where I'm trying to go to their position. The people I'm trying to forward them to. But for now, I'm happy where I am. You know why? Because knowledge I've seen which people haven't seen a hope they've seen I've seen knowledge make people arrogant.

But they have no added they got their characteristics as far from the Dean. Yes, you got knowledge. But your character is bad. Your manners are bad, your etiquette are bad. Your Your behavior is bad because of what knowledge shouldn't make you arrogant. I know exactly what you're saying. But maybe we can rephrase it. Correct me if I'm wrong gunship. Perhaps what we're saying here is knowledge is good. Yes, that when people get knowledge, if their hearts not sincere, they will use the knowledge

to become arrogant. Yes. Yeah. Is that Is that what you 100%? That's exactly yes. I know. People have knowledge share. They've gained knowledge share. They would rather be in the same copy as me. Yeah, as low as me now, because knowledge has made them humble. So without sincerity, facts, there is no knowledge, the more knowledge they've gained, the humbler they've become. Knowledge shouldn't make you shouldn't make you ever use it in the right way. 100% Why do I resonate? I make mistakes making excuses for your Muslim brother.

And a Muslim is someone that another Muslim is safe from their talent, their hands. I might say from you. I'm not black shake. I got told. I told people the story of my when my wife got told, you know, now we're pregnant. I go to like never have kids because I will teach it I will kidnap. I will go to a clinic I have kids. I had

told the story to my fellow Muslims hamdulillah has saved you from that life. Yes well hamdulillah I'm blessed you and Schiff you have the audacity as a Muslim to say your wife cheated on you. How dare you to have that? That means you lack

the Allah subhanaw taala can bring miracles you lacked. You need to fix yourself. I want you to know, amen. Even the prophets received some greater and more hurtful words. Rasul Allah Selim is to say look at all the Mousavi actory Metallica for sober. Moses was harmed more than that by his people, and he remained patient persevering. I'll see if I will be patient. You know, I shudder the Allahu anha prophesy Selim, his wife was accused of adultery. Do you remember that story? How do you tell if

so, Kareem when you stand for the sake of Allah, Samantha and you are sincere, you're going to find opposite.

Let them be and you continue for the sake of Allah so long as Allah is pleased with you, be strong and brave about it. What's the second advice you can give him so number one, remain humble and aspire to the sincere, knowledgeable people. Number two, number two youngsters. This is this is a I learned from my mum. I think I'll end on this.

I used to hear my mum recite this i a lot, especially when she's washing up or when she's watching something or when she's preparing food, as she used to say, and this is no disrespect to the rest of the Quran. But it means of now that my mother leaves, she's going back to Allah. It means something to me. And I realized that no matter what you're going through in life,

if you implement this in your life, you're going to be in a good position financially, physically, mentally, and so on and so forth.

Some solar use my favorite solar

and is some layer Mannerheim color in the mash school with the Hosni illAllah.

They only complain of masala Omar grifola.

I can't do that to friends, because my friends will once they may become my enemies.

I can't do that to my wife because one day we may get divorced. I can't do that on my kids because my maybe one day will stop speaking. I can't do that on my brothers or sisters because one day we'll have an altercation or we don't speak for but Allah is will never turn his back on you. Allah is the one that is there for you. No matter what time of the day is. It's a invisible phone

that you need to call that you need to pick up to speak to

your Sage there is that phone call.

I'm a key words. And I always say this if you ever need to call Allah, Allah has given you the digits to call him 24434245444 For answers, three, four MacGruber four for Asia. I'm going to use that in shell by omission. Allah has given you a number for you to call.

But that's a number to call him beautiful.

But other than calling him in the match school with evil Hosni Allah, that's what Prophet jacobellis Solomon he lost his son for a while and that was the daughter of eyeshadow, the Alana were talking before and she was slandered. Even Rasul Allah Azza wa sallam couldn't do much for her. He saw her and she said, I just complain my sorrow my grievance why grief to Allah?

When you are maybe

this for me, is what I go by every single day in the Maricopa warehouse near La. I'm in pain 24/7 You may see me right now should come public. I'm smiling. I like to banter. I don't want people to know I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want simply Fisher. I don't know. I don't like I've never have. So I'm not going to get off. Well, I mean, paying please. No. You know what that's called in the Quran since you said in Nimesh Kuba Thea, who's Neil Allah Jacoba. So I'm set for sub Ron Jimmy was approached me there is patience, and there is beautiful patients. And the scholar said, the beautiful patients means exactly what you just said. That is the strongest person

where they only complain to Allah. As in they see your job, my worries and my sorrows, not complaining about Allah. They talk about this also and to no one else has called sub but don't judge me the best and if it is a burden, beautiful in the eyes of Allah, understand, if you have Him as your Lord, understand this, it becomes a beautiful burden, a burden you wouldn't mind having because it draws you closer to Allah.

Just look at it like that. It's not beautiful.

I would say it's an amazing gift, a very big, strong, heavy gift, inshallah who died. On that note. It was a pleasure and honor

I think

the other the others man, but now that I've got your number shift

I'm gonna use an abuse you look at number seven you already you can use an abused me for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala anytime as on one of the line needs to say Allahu Akbar, may Allah Subhana Allah bless you,

keep you guided, forgive your sins, have mercy on your mother along with me and give blessings to your father and your brothers and your sisters. May Allah Samantha continue to make your eyes to become better and better. And as a gift to the other young people in the world and to all of us. increasing knowledge here. Hi, just wanted to say

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. May Allah subhanaw taala reunite you with them, and especially your son, your chef alone. I know it's a different two different people in our lives that passed away and I know they're very special to us, but Wallahi you and your family and your son and your brother, I'm Ottawa and I pray Allah subhanho wa Taala reunites you in a way where it's pleasing to Him. And I always say this to people wherever struggle you're going with. Okay, so you're going through, I pray that you remain in the struggle for as long as it shows you closer to Allah. If it's a struggle that takes you away from the deen of Allah I pray you remain in that same struggle until

you come back to me they become my string theory. Just like this has become your string hierarchy Allah Islam never gives up, keep going and getting stronger Hamdulillah we have Allah in Melilla when a layer was your let's see a heavy

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