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Giving Sincere Advice Birmingham UK (FOSIS conference)

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Ammar Alshukry

Channel: Ammar Alshukry

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Very happy to be here. Now watch the kind of data was gathered in the closest pair of a lot of golf courses over the years and there's a maximum of my first time being here.

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And whenever you earn an opportunity like this, you know the profits, the whole idea is and then he told us, which is one of the greatest virtues. One of the greatest ideas about virtues, if not the greatest ideas about virtues.

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He says,

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Those

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who are shaded,

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seven will be shaded in the throne, or the shade of the throne of Allah on the day where there is no shade except for his shade. They will be shaded in the throne of Allah subhanaw taala. And these seven categories of people, when you see their secrets like these are it's a famous Hadith I'm sure you guys can list for me who those seven people are, number one is a just kink. Number two is a young person who grew up in the worship of Allah Subhana Allah dad. Number three is a person whose heart is attached to the message. Number four is a man who is invited by a woman

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of beauty and nobility. And he says to her, I fear a loss of kind of data. Number five is a person who gives in charity so secretly, that their left hand doesn't know what their right hand gave. Number six is a person who are two people who love each other, they only love each other for the sake of Allah. And number seven is a person who remembers a lot in seclusion, and so they shed a tear, a tear because of a loss of Hana data. And the commonality between all of these seven is stuck on that every action of these actions is an action that's propelled by taqwa. And so, the one that I'm reminded of it in a gathering like this is the province of Elias lm saying,

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shabu, Nasha, Fa la de la, a young person who grew up in the worship of a loss of Hannah data, when we are young.

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And we have all of the facilities and the facilitations, of being young. And we have all of the passions of being young, and we have all of the the delusion of being young, when you're young, you kind of expect that you're going to be young forever.

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And when a person takes that time when everybody else takes that time and tries to take advantage of it for the dunya in whatever way that they can, and they just put off the worship of Allah, that you invest that time in the worship of Allah Subhana. Allah, like, like, Abdullah, the son of Ahmed Abdullah house, he used to fast every day.

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And the Prophet cellulitis and him told him Don't do that.

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And he said, O Messenger of Allah, allow me, he said that I need a stamp that Misha Bobby is our own messenger of Allah, allow me to enjoy my youth, which is an incredible statement, because when people think I'm going to enjoy my youth, what are they thinking of? They're thinking of mousey, right? They're thinking of the group. But he's saying, Let me enjoy my youth. Like, while I'm so strong, like while I have this energy in this capacity, let me enjoy my youth by fasting every day. Let me do some of the Koran as much as possible. Let me pray the Amazon and the prophets of Allah, they sent him said to him, he said, No, if you're going to do harm over the Koran, do not do it in

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less than three days. Like he put a cap less than three days, don't do it more than that. And fast every other day, don't fast every day. And he said, okay, agreed. And then later on when he got older in his life, he still had to keep up that agreement. He waited with us and just a little line to set it up. But when he got old, that became really hard. And so he said, I wish I took the concession of the Prophet salado center. But this notion of taking advantage of your youth taking advantage of your youth investing in something so beloved to a lot because it's not the default. The province the lightest send them he says in the Lucha Leah Jabu min shad, Vanessa, who someone said a

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lot is amazed at a young person who doesn't have a sub word, this word sub what means mainland in an hour an inclination to their baser desires,

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because passions walk with young people. And so this taking care of this period of time in your life is so valuable to Allah Subhana Allah that it earns a person a spot in the shade of Allah on the day when there is no shade except for that shade. And so we ask Allah Subhana Allah to make us all of them and to make us on the straight path until they do that we meet him loving Mommy, okay. Now, this topic is the topic of sincerity. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says, I do not see this religion is all sincerity. Many times mostly it has translated as advice but

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advice is a part of mostly harmlessly, when you say, Masato lesson I have performed let's see how on Honey, what that means is that you've removed from it, all of the impurities. And so in reality that Hadith means this entire religion is sincerity, sincerity to a messenger of Allah, he suddenly lie or Nikita de la Sol de when I met a Muslim in where I'm at in this book is sincere advice for Allah.

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are not sincere advice but sincerity to Allah, and sincerity to his book, and sincerity to His Messenger and sincerity to Muslim leaders. And it is sincerity to the Muslim population. The prophets of the light Islam says in the famous Hadith, he says, How can Muslim happen Muslim and Muslim comes the province the Lyceum says there are five rights that every Muslim as over every other Muslim,

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that you respond to their invitation that you respond to their setup that you follow their janazah that you visit, they're sick. And in a nother version of this Hadith, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam he says a sixth. And he said that if they asked you for naseeha, that you give them that no see, Uh huh. And so this notion of nausea is something that is incredibly valuable. But in both ways, the first is in the person receiving it, and freeing up your heart to be able to receive nausea when it is given to you.

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And number two, is that you'll be someone who is generous and giving, they'll say hi to others. We live in a time where you'll see how is rare than ever before, and backing him up. Because at this time, he said, unless he is very rare, and even more rare than it is the person who will accept it. But may Allah have mercy on Allah xiety, fast forward 1000 years, and it is more rare than it has ever been before. And there's a lot of reasons for that. And I'm actually going to talk about that later in my not in this lecture. But in the second one that I'm doing later on today. But for now, I want to focus on this art of advice. How does a person given we'll see how the promise on the lady

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has sent me says and McMinnville at a fee that a believer is the mirror of their brother, what does that mean to you? That the believer is the mirror of the brother. I'm I like to be very interactive in these discussions. And I recognize that in England, you guys don't like to be interactive, but we're going to both come out of our comfort zones. Okay. So I'm going to Yeah, I'm going to ask you guys and you guys pretend that you care enough about me that you will communicate with me. Cool. So what is a believer is a mirror to their brother. I mean,

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what does that mean to you? Yes.

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Okay.

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So so you through themselves, or through you, they're able to see the reality of themselves, right. Very good. What else does it mean? Yes.

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Very good. So what you spot and others, right? Like, like, I'm a part of society. And so if society goes in a direction, that likely means that I'm going in that direction as well. And so I'm able to see myself and other people very good. What else?

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This is a very beautiful Hadith we are reflections true. So I can't speak about me without speaking about you. Yes.

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Absolutely. Right. So they've got something in their beard. They've got a smile on their face, and you're the one who tells them because they can't see it. And the only reason you tell them is because you care about them. Obviously you don't want them walking into that job interview with that chocolate on their face. You're you care about them, which is very important, by the way, a necessary ingredient for giving. They'll see how his care

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this is a necessary ingredient. You know, she followed by a long time he was asked and I love this quote very much from him. For him a whole lotta had. He was once asked by his students, they said,

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if a person loves someone, should they tell them? Like you I'm sure heard the Hadith of the Prophet. Some of them said that if one of you loves their brother, they should tell them right? So you should go around tell your sister I love you, sister. Your brother should go around to his brother and say I love you, bro.

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Right. But

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Shannon Bonnie, he wants to point to something. And he says yes, but loving for the sake of Allah has a price. Do any of you know what that price is? And so different people

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are giving different answers. Some of them said, the price of loving for the sake of a lot is that you do not believe until you love for your brother what you love for himself. He's like, No, that's not it. He said, that's one of the that's one of the signs, but it's not the price. Another person says something else. He's like, no, finally, a person says, Yes, the price of loving for the sake of a lot is what are in the incentive of your host, LLVM armorama adhatoda. So good, happy also the song.

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The solo, we all know, by the time verily mankind is in a loss except those who believe and do righteous deeds and enjoying each other to truth and enjoying each other to patients.

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He says, Yes, you've got the answer. And he says the price of love. What is the loss describing the people who are saved? He says the default in mankind is that they're they're at a loss, except for a group? And what are the qualifications of this group? What are the characteristics of this group, they believe so they have in mind, number two, they do righteous deeds. And number three, they are advising each other to truth, and advising each other to be patient. And he says, the price of love for the sake of a lot is that you are more constant in advising your brother than their own shadow.

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You are more constant in advising your brother than your own shadow

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than their own shadow, their own shadow. That sound better.

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Anyway, so he says their own shadow. And then he says,

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and most people are not willing to pay that price. Why? Because if you're advising your sister all the time and saying do this, and don't do that, and say you're messing up your life, what is she going to do?

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How is she going to respond to that

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irritation which may lead to

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confrontation, which may lead to separation.

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And I really like her. So I'm going to tell her follow your heart, Sis, even though that major I know is going to be completely useless for her in her life. But she's quote unquote, passionate about it this semester. And every semester, she's passionate about something else. But this semester, I'm going to tell her you know what, you're absolutely right, you should just follow your heart.

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That's not a friend that's invested. Right? And that's why you'll find that the people who are most constant in advising you are who in your life, who are they? The people who are most quote unquote, on your back? The people who will tell you every day do this and don't do that. Who are they? Your parents? Yes.

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Your parents Why? Because they are the ones whose love is the most sincere. So they are the ones who are most willing to pay the price of love.

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They are the ones who are most willing to pay the price of love and you're annoyed by them. You're like mom, like leave me alone, all my friends think I'm awesome.

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Your friends don't really care how the rest of your life plays out, with all due respect to your friends. But that's just the nature of friendship, except for the ones who are willing, if you have a friend like this, and they're worth their price in gold, the friend who is sincere in advising you, who's constantly advising you who's willing to pay the price of love. And so this concept of sincerity and this concept of naziha is something that is very valuable, and it is very rare. And that is one of the reasons why we're uncomfortable paying it because of that price. And we'll talk and Charlotte's out a little bit about what are some of the ways however, that we can make our

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advice more palatable. What are some of the ways that we can encourage each other in a way that inshallah as best as we can, that we can resolve any issue of confrontation that may happen? Because that's one of the reasons why we naturally had it, we naturally hesitate. We don't want to we don't want to cause or bring people pain. But there's also the other half of the equation. The other half of the equation is that I become someone who is receptive to nasiha because one of the reasons why culturally we've moved away from it is because

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Well, I mean,

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I have my own individual liberty, and I'm free to do what I please. And you've probably heard this phrase, I am unapologetically myself.

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Okay, unapologetically myself, I remember seeing somebody talking about that. We welcome everybody and we tell everybody come be unapologetically yourself and I'm like, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. unapologetically yourself, do you know what that means? Like, is there anybody here who thinks that they're perfect? Does anybody here walk around thinking that they have nothing that they should ever apologize for?

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You know, I've realized and I've learned that if a person never apologizes if a person never apologizes that one of the causes of that is actually low self esteem

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because

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I

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have a standard that I have for myself, I have an expectation that I have for myself, or I have an expectation that I want people to have of me a standard that people have of me, but I am human being, I am a human being and the prophets the lightest, and let me says khulumani are the haka hirokawa, in a turban, that every child of Adam is a sinner. And the worst, or the best of those who sin are those who make Toba and repent, and what is so but other than on an apology to a loss of Hannah dad and a commitment to never do it again. But we also make mistakes with regards to each other. And so when I fall short of who I expect of myself to be, that I'm able to turn around to

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that person and say, I've fallen short, that doesn't devalue myself.

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It doesn't take away from my self worth, it doesn't take away from my self esteem.

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I expect better myself and I will be better.

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But I'm able to say I'm sorry. And I'm able to say please forgive me, I am able to come to terms with a shortcoming.

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I don't need to shield myself with some sort of expectation of perfection, nor do I need to shield myself with some sort of, you know, like,

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external shell of sarcasm or deflection or anything like that.

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Every human being makes mistakes, and that's okay.

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And so the Prophet sallallahu wasallam.

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Part of sincerity

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is not just that we advise each other, but that we advise each other to what is best. And this is where I think as a Muslim community, we can really, really,

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with confidence, better the circumstances of the society, every society that we live in.

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And this is going to be a quick tangent, but

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rising to our greater purpose as a community and giving advice, every prophet who is sent to his people would tell them that I am for you. And also, I am for you, someone who is sincere.

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My brothers and sisters in Birmingham,

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what is your sincerity to the greater community of Birmingham?

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What is your sincerity? What does it look like? To your neighbors who are not Muslim? What is your sincerity look like to the greatest British public, British population? What does this sincerity look like to them?

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Because at the end of the day,

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if you were to try to resolve all of the social ills that affect British society,

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and you jump on every platform that is calling for change, and calling for this and calling for that.

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But you do not contribute to the discussion, your greatest solution, and your greatest asset and your greatest source of healing, which is connecting people to a loss of Hana data, then in the end, you've really failed and you failed them. And you have shortchange them, and you have not risen to your obligation towards them.

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And I learned this from the Quran, Allah Subhana, WA, tada, like, for example, take take racism,

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and you're trying to resolve the issue of racism. And so as a Muslim, you're jumping behind hashtag Black Lives Matter, you are jumping behind this, you are jumping behind all of that, right.

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And that's what you're promoting. And that's what you're going for. And you are just turning around and you are trying to manipulate people's hearts to resolve this issue of racism that has not been able to be resolved by any society ever. Except for

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maybe one and a loss of Hannah data talks about an ocean that has knowledge. And these were people who had been warring for 200 years before the prophets little light a synonym arrived. And now this within their own city, they had been warring for 200 years. And now they're about to absorb another community coming from another city.

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And they're going to split half of their wealth with them and all of these types of things, and they're going to absorb Muslims coming from all over like how rare is all of this for them? And Allah Subhana data says, well, LFO being an Apollo beam,

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and solar cell and fire Allah says Allah united their hearts.

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No unfucked Mr. Phil out of the Jamia and not left to be in a collodion. He said, Oh, Mohammed, if you spent all that was on Earth, you would not have been able to unite their hearts. What does that mean? Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam is the most brilliant individual. He is the one who has the most integrity, the most social currency. The most

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And not only that, Allah says if you had all of the resources to make all of the institutions and all of the campaign's and all of you still would not have been able to unite their hearts, who was able to unite their hearts, a lot of data. And so if I'm trying to create this unification of hearts

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without connecting people, to the one who controls their hearts, then I'm spinning my wheels. And that's why a brilliant men, American men, African American man, Malcolm X, when he went to Hajj, she came back and he wrote a letter. And he said, America needs to understand Islam.

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Because that is the one religion that removes the race problem, or solves the race problem. This is his conclusion. And it is a beautiful, intelligent, communicative conclusion to make. And so my point here is that a person be confident in the values that you can contribute. Don't be someone who just absorbs values all the time as part of your sincerity, you know, when people travel to the to the Muslim world, when any non Muslim travels to the Muslim world, what is the one thing they come back raving about?

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You guys all know what it is. What is it?

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Nobody raves here when they come back.

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Home? Hmm. Do you say their human rights? No, that's not what their

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hospitality, their hospitality 100%. They're like, you go over there and they feed you and feed you. And then you turn over the cup and they still feed you. You got to like flip the table for them to stop. And everybody raves about that no matter and it doesn't matter where in the Muslim world they go, whether they go to Morocco, or they go to Indonesia or whether they go to Turkey or no matter where they go. The hospitality is the same. But my question for you, is this. non Muslims here in Birmingham? Are they raving about? You know, one brother was telling me earlier, he was like, you know, we debate about whether Birmingham is the fourth holiest city in Islam or not.

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When people come here,

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he was joking, obviously. But

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when when people live here amongst Mashallah the fourth holiest city in Islam, are they raving about the hospitality that you guys have? You know, I'm sure it's the same here as it is everywhere else. When y'all go out to eat together, you have much fighting over the check, and this guy pretending to go to the bathroom and he's going and he's paying the check and everybody's wrestling. Right in front of the cashier. Everybody's doing that. And that's when you go out to lunch with admin. But when you go out to lunch with James

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right, James is the one paying right. So So my point is, is that why? Why do we not showcase our values consistently? They're beautiful. Well lay there beautiful.

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Allah Subhana Allah is if Kadeem and Muslims have this beautiful generosity, so why don't we confidently share it with other people? You know, I had an experience. And I'm from New York, and in New York, it's kind of like London,

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where you don't say hello to anybody. Do you guys say hello here when you're walking down the street to somebody?

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Okay, maybe not walking down the street. But for example, like in a in a lift with somebody, you walk into a lift, you say hello?

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London, definitely no.

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Okay, so so in New York, you don't make eye contact with anybody.

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In New York, you don't make eye contact with anybody. You don't talk to anybody you just kind of avoid. But then I moved to Houston and Texas is like southern hospitality. That's what they call it. You walk everywhere people like Hi, good morning. How are you? And all of a sudden, I'm like, how are you? And they're just being so friendly all the time. And so when I went back to New York, I would be walking down the street and I'd be like, Hi, good morning. And they just look at me and ignore me. And I'm going Oh, man, I'm starting to look like a tourist. But I have to I have to I have to change this I have to adapt back to the culture of my city, right? But then I thought to

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myself, why should I adapt to the culture of my city?

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If that culture if there's something better, there is something better saying good morning to people to something beautiful? It's from macadam, Allah Philip, undoubtedly. And so let me do this. You know what, I realized that a lot of times, the reason why people don't respond to you, is because you're not clear in the first place. Like, how many times does that happen? You said, Send it to a sister, and she just walked by you and you're like, Oh, my God, that sister such a jerk. I sent it to her and she didn't even respond to me. But half the time like you didn't even say send it to them loud enough for her to decipher whether you were actually speaking to her, or whether you were just

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mumbling something to yourself, or whether you were talking at all, and nobody's gonna stop walking by you to say hi, by the way, did you say somebody come to me I'm not sure if I heard you or not. So what I realized is that what I need to do is I need to say sit down, write a poem or good morning or whatever it is loud enough clear enough that that person for sure has heard me. I'm going to look them in the eye. I'm going to make eye contact. I may even smile.

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I'm going to do all that and

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Then let's see how they respond. And this was in New York, and I spent maybe three days and it was a weekend of eat. And I'm walking around, and I'm saying, so now it comes, everybody. Good morning. Hi, how are you all of that type of stuff. And every single person

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responded back to me. Hi, good morning. How are you? Because people are attracted to beautiful character they are. And so then I went to London. And I said, I'm going to do the same thing. And so I'm walking down the streets of London. Hi, good morning.

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They ignored me. They point blank just looked at me.

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I assumed I was crazy. I don't know. And just

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London was cold. Again, London was cold. It was surprising. So I don't know about here whether or not but I think it's my point. Isn't that necessarily that example. But my point is having the confidence to say, you know, what, we have beautiful virtues. And I think that the culture here could benefit from that. So let's continue to change because we are very good at being cultural consumers, as Muslims, we're culture consumers. And so we, you know, for example, one of the culture creators, the greatest culture creator in America is the African American community, always creating culture every single time just more and more, more and more, more and more. And I'm sure you have

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communities in the UK that are always pushing culture forward, pushing slang, pushing gestures, clothes, fashion, all of that type of stuff. And so our contribution is also very, very valuable because our contribution and Chatelet that is sourced in the Alliance and that is, man, when you have confidence that is paired with the truth, even falsehood when it's paired with confidence becomes very attractive. So what do you think is going to happen when you pair the truth with confidence?

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Let me wrap up inshallah Tada, because I want to open up the floor for some questions. But I want to end with some etiquettes. What are some of the etiquettes you see something wrong that somebody is doing?

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What should you look at? Number one, the first thing

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is yourself.

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Why am I advising this person? Why am I sharing this advice with them. And the most important ingredient that you need to have is sincerity.

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That you are doing this for a loss of Hannah dad and only Allah.

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Because people can tell if it's authentic. I've had some brothers and sisters growing up.

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Who are some of like the most strong Muslims that I know, you might even say a little bit strict. And so anytime I would do anything that was I won't even say how I'm simply unbecoming of what they expected of me. I would hear about it through a phone call. Or I would hear about it through a text message. But I never harbored any negative emotion towards them. Because they were always coming from a place of incredible sincerity and love, I felt it.

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And so I accept it. That being said, Why are you saying what you are saying? Is it to exercise my own ego? Is it to flex what I know of the Quran and Sunnah and subjugate this brother or sister? Right? give myself authority over them?

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Or is it because what should always be the case, I want to bring this person a little bit closer to Jenna, closer to a lush panel. And I fear for them, the Hellfire, I want to bring them further away from the hellfire. Because if my goal is to be if I'm sincere, then I don't care how they come closer to Allah, whether it's by me talking to them, whether it's by someone else talking to them, whether it's by me sharing and speaking to them directly, whether it's by me sending them a particular video. That's why I always tell people People say, you know, I want to

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I want to give advice to my parents, how do I give advice to my parents, my mom, this or that, or my father this or that I say, number one, recognize that you're not going to be able to advise them.

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Your parents change your diapers, you are not going to be able to tell them anything. That's just the way that it works.

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It is very rare, exceptionally rare that you can have a child who teaches their parents in a way that parents will listen, because you are talking to them and you're so eloquent and you went to the University of Birmingham, and they still are hearing that child babbling

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Mr. Abu hanifa, one of the greatest football hot in the history of Islam.

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His mother used to ask him a question. And she would say go and ask that question to so and so in the marketplace. And who so and so in the marketplace, he was a casa DOS, a casa is basically during that period. There were people who were storytellers. They weren't specialized in Islamic law at all. But they will tell stories tell I had a sell this or that. And they were just, you know, they were famous like that, you know, there are people who who tell good stories. And she liked that guy. And so she would say

00:30:00--> 00:30:14

him go and ask that person. And so email him where he would go and ask me say my mom wanted to ask you this question such and such. And the man had no clue what the answer was. So you say, what's your position on this? Remember, he says, My position is this in that he said, that's my position to

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go back and tell your mother, that's my position. So he would go back and tell her the position of this man,

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your son is a honey foe, but he's still her son. And so recognizing that specifically with your parent, and so if my goal is to guide my parents on a particular issue, that I realized that I'm going to have to circumvent myself, and I'm going to have to bring them the truth from someone who they will listen to, it could be one of their own relatives, it could be one of their friends. It could be Mufti mink, send them a video, it could be anything. But my goal isn't that I exercise any authority over them. And it's not that I be the one to share it, my goal is for them to be better. And if my goal is for people to be better than I should be just as happy and just as willing to

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remove myself from the equation anytime that is a requirement. And that's why my machete said, I would love that all of this knowledge be communicated from me.

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Without any of it being ascribed to me.

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You wrote a beautiful status, someone copies it, and shares it, and doesn't link you back? Oh, my God.

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Yeah, obviously, they should do they should quote their sources, obviously. But my point is, I'm always exercising and reflecting over my own heart, because that's what I'm going to be judged on on the Day of Judgment. Am I happy that that knowledge be spread, no matter if it's attributed to me or not? Or am I bothered, because this is my ego here at play. What is my and that's why a person should be always judging their intention without going too much more into intentions. So if you had a thought he said, Man, I wish to say and I never dealt with anything that was more difficult than my intentions live in Nevada, it's always changing. It's always changing. Maybe I started

00:32:05--> 00:32:10

volunteering for forces and my audience was Allah subhanho data. But after that, I became the closest president, you know,

00:32:13--> 00:32:21

I became a volunteer, I became this I became that you're always, always always checking your intentions. That's number one. Number two,

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that a person

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not forget about the good.

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You know, sometimes what we do is we ignore people completely until they make a mistake. And then when they make a mistake, three years, the sister has been doing incredible. She was amazing freshman year, she was amazing. Sophomore year, she was amazing junior year. And then senior year, she does something for three years, nobody cared.

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All of a sudden, she does a mistake.

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And the junior converges upon her.

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Everybody has something to say everybody has to write a status. Everybody has to do this. Everybody has to do that, please. For three years, she was walking in this amazing direction. And nobody had a word of support or nobody has a word of encouragement. Some of us are like that in our own families. Your younger brother, younger sister, they're amazing. They are amazing. And you're never supportive of what they do.

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And then they turn 18. And they start wiling out a little bit.

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And now they have all of your attention. So what are you teaching them? That if they want you to your attention? What do they have to do? Do good or do bad?

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do bad? That's a horrible lesson. The prophet SAW the light the sun lamp, used to catch his companions doing good things all the time, all the time. Be like, tell me what it is that you do, because I heard your footsteps in paradise to the unsightly couple. Allah was amazed at what y'all did with your guests last night. Abu Musab you've been given a citation like the flutes of David,

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again and again. And again. He's praising his companions for the things that they do. Now, if you do something good, and the prophets I send them praises you for it. What are you going to do with that thing now?

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I'm going to perfect it and do it over and over and over and over. And that's why it's important that as part of you, being a sincere advisor to your brothers and sisters, is that you encourage them in the goodness that you see from them.

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So that you don't have to worry about just correcting them when they're bad. Someone you see as always praying favorite, you are the men, you are amazing martial law. How do you do it?

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One of the interesting things about our community is we've adopted this notion that you can never praise a person, because if you praise a person, then I guess you're harming their sincerity and so I will just ignore their existence for the 10 years that they're doing amazing things because I just want them to be sincere, but then the second they do something that is wrong.

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I am at their throat I am stepping on it I am no the prophets I said it and praises his companions left and right. That's why we have this concept of the virtues of the Sahaba. How do you know the virtues of Abubakar Oman? If it's not the province of sin and praising him? How do you know the hedonist Cephalon Massoud? How do you know that? the virtue of actual overall woman has like the virtue of overall food? How do you know these things? If the prophet SAW Selim isn't praising him number three, gentleness that you be gentle.

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A man once came to have an aura sheet. And he said, I mean, meaning I have some advice for you. And it is harsh, so bear with me. He said, No, I'm not gonna bear with you.

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So what do you mean? He said, Because Allah subhanaw taala sent those who were better than you. To someone who is worse than me. Allah sent Moosa and how long to fly around. And he said, For Paula who Colin, lane and Darla who at the core of yoshua. This he commanded most an hour and he said, say to him, words that are gentle, it may be that he will remember and it may be that he will have her share of a Lost Planet out of fear of Allah.

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And so having

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gentleness, having gentleness when you speak to people as an incredible effect that you'd be gentle with people that you give them the ability to save face. Again, you're not weaponizing the whole audience and you're not bashing it over the head with it, and you are definitely not.

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You are definitely not seeing ulterior motives in their heart. And then the last thing and we'll end with this is privacy.

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Privacy that you'd be private as much as you can. Your mama chef he says Tam didn't even know speaker didn't feel it was a Libyan must have filled Yama. Cena must have been a nurse in noumea. Toby's he loved the steamer.

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For in high left any or other

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fella says.

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He says, advise me in private, and pair and spare me from public recommendations for public criticism is a type of sensor that is not from my persuasion. And so if you disobey me and define my words, don't be mad if you meet the same equation.

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somebody does something locally, Birmingham,

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one of your brothers or sisters or what have you. And now you're writing a Facebook status about it. That's the first communication that you're having about this. You didn't message them you didn't talk to them. You didn't advise them privately or anything like that.

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Don't be mad if you have put them in a position where now you've aided Shakedown against your brother or sister

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if their ego causes for them to not take that advice. And so these are the four things gentleness, privacy,

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sincerity, and what was number four?

00:38:01--> 00:38:02

Yeah, that one.

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Okay, so like this and this is interesting. We can feel