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Married Ever After #04 – Principle 5

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Ali Hammuda

Channel: Ali Hammuda

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So far, how many principles have we covered?

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We've covered four principles.

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What are these four principles? Hashem give us the first.

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Okay. Mabrouk May Allah accept from you. Yeah, what was the first?

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Marriage is a is a aspect of worship. Good. What was principle number two?

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Fire Shabbat.

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Yeah, they have taken from you a farm. Covenant. Very good. Principle number three, somebody from this site.

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Anyone hasn't given you a chance to redeem yourself

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all iPads and complex technology and it's not helping Shabaab. Okay, back to the side. You allow Malik I'm kidding.

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unrighteous the search for a righteous spouse and the number four.

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The male is not like the female, they question back to the site. These four principles came under which heading we said we're going to divide the study into how many headings for 20 principles under four main headings and their chronological. So these first four principles recovering which aspect of the marriage which period of the marriage before marriage. So these are the psychological, internal cognitive matters that the Muslim needs to be aware of well before he or she consider marriage.

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Difficult to learn them later on after you've gotten married.

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Now we're ready to cover the second a bundle of principles pertaining to marriage. We're going to title this heading principles from the Quran for the duration of a marriage in order to ensure its flourishing. So we've covered the pre marital principles. Now we're going to go into the thick of principles during the duration of your marriage. What do we need to know? I begin with the first of these principles, principle number five.

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It is where Allah Jalla Janelle who who said, Well, John Avena can now determine what and he has placed between you both affection and mercy. He has placed between you both ie husband and wife, affection and mercy.

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These two forces whenever they are present in a marriage, not only will that couple be able to offer a lifelong commitment to one another. They will also be able to endure a lifetime's worth of obstacles and challenges that typically characterize the life of our world. When the forces of affection Maota and mercy Rama are present.

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And to the contrary, when these two ingredients are missing from a Muslim marriage, the very smallest virus of a problem or obstacle or challenge or hindrance can bring this marriage on its head.

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He has placed between you Allah Jalla Jalla Allah who said,

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My Word that affection and mercy and when these two components are present in a marriage, no one behold you have a relationship that is perhaps second only to your relationship with Allah Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah who otherwise you can say marriage with these two components is second to none.

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Nothing resembles it.

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And I share with you a few case studies from our past

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of families that were living in bliss, in a worldly paradise Jana to dunya because they had a marriage that was founded upon these two components of Noah the affection and Rama mercy.

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This will be the theory I will share with you the practical later on.

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The finest of these households that enjoy the greatest portion of affection and mercy. The happiest of them all, the most righteous of them all the most blessing radiant fragrance of them home was the household of our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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and specifically from the many aspects I refer to the episode of his life that involves Hadiya been to Kuwait his first wife may Allah gender Janelle will be pleased with that.

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Imam Al Bukhari generates in his Sahitya

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on the authority of our mother I Isha. She said Ma hero to Allah hadn't been Nisa, in Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to Allah

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Khadija,

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she said in my life, there was no wife of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who I had more jealousy towards, than Hadiya. Why am I writing to her? Despite the fact that I have never even met her? Khadija died many years before our mother I Isha came onto the scene one hour i to her I had never seen her.

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She said what can they be used on the Allahu Allah he was setting him up Roman decree her and he Ali who salatu salam used to speak about her so much.

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Word Baba Bashar and at times he would slaughter an animal for your cochlea AHA and then he would cut it up into pieces from your seat. Oh Ha, you now solder if he Khadija then he would distribute that meat to the Friends of Khadija in remembrance of his late wife and their history to Assam thing nominal Wafaa loyalty, affection that you and I have never seen before.

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I Isha said what Obama called Tula who and at times I would become jealous, and I would say, you know, who da da da da coffee, laudably Illa. Khadija. She said, You're, you're behaving, you should obey Allah. Allah says, You are behaving as if God Almighty has not created any other woman in life. But Khadija,

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and he would respond by saying,

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in the heart icon, what kind of chi was this and she was that and she couldn't stop praising her Khadija only Allah Allah and her she was this and she was that and Allah gave me children from her.

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And in Sahih Muslim, our mother it shall be Allahu Anhu. She said

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that once I became jealous, and I said Khadija, as in to say, Khadija, Khadija Khadija all you ever talked about is Khadija.

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And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in me Rusev to herba.

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Allah has blessed me with her love, what can I do? Allah pleased as a result, a provision in my heart towards Khadija. And notice how our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam accommodated for the jealousy of our mother. She was a young woman when she married him when she was a young, late teenager when he died. I mean, he's allowed to say he accommodated for her. So don't think bad of your mother. If he alayhi salatu salam accommodated and found excuses for her, that we need to do that by means of necessity.

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I have been blessed with her love, what type of affection and mercy must have that household be infused with love?

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And in another narration,

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the

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Mother of the Believers I Isha said probably Allah who is

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that once the door was knocked,

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and there was a woman asking permission to visit the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who was it? The sister in law of Khadija went to Hawaii did her Allah been to Kuwait?

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So he hears her voice. I will mother it says she responds and she describes the or the demeanor of the Prophet when he heard the voice of Hannah. She reminded him of the days of Khadija.

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She knocked on the door and I can I have permission to come in. He said ferrata holodeck. His heart was filled with peace when he heard her voice. He was deeply moved. And he began to say Allahu Mahalia to have been to Hawaii to Allah it is Hannah. Oh Allah it is Hala daughter of boiling he was so happy simply because it reminded him of those beautiful days of Khadija are we Allahu I know what type of affection and mercy must have been in this household that you know, in Allah.

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And in another narration in the Sahaba our mother I shall obey Allah Who and her she wants. Took it perhaps a little bit too far you can say where she became moved with jealousy she said can either dakara ethna Ali How are accent Affinia when he would remember Khadija he would praise her immensely for her to that and I became jealous one day.

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And I said to him, mark for death Kuru mean hombre is [???] at Abdelhak Allahu hiera minha she said, Why do you keep remembering that old woman who lost all of her teeth? You know how long you keep remembering this woman with red gums meaning she lost all of her teeth. It's an exaggeration to say she was old. She was older when she died.

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And Allah Almighty has replaced you with a better woman than her anyway.

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So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in another narration in October, Ronnie he said, than any lauchlan Amina. He said No, Allah has not replaced me with a better woman. That's Khadija? No.

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But I'm honored to be it. kufr Robbia nurse she believed in me when everybody else disbelieved in me was

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So the company is because they're very nurse and she said to me you're truthful when everyone else belied me.

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While I set me up Maliha is harmony nurse and she comforted me with her wealth and property. When everybody else deprived me what has happened? He left home in his wallet. Well hold on any Aladdin, Nisa. And Allah has blessed me with children from her. And I was not given children from any other woman.

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Allahu Akbar, these were the days of Khadija. And this was the affection and the mercy that was there in that household despite the turmoil of the Mackay phase of the Dawa. She provided an environment in the home that washed away the sorrows in the pain and the anguish of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, this is the power that Allah agenda Julian who has given a righteous wife and this is the power of affection and mercy when found in a Muslim marriage.

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What other examples do we have? We have the example of Omar Salah Marathi Allahu Allah, who married the righteous Wahhabi Abu salah, now one of the first households to embrace Islam.

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And almost selama said,

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I heard the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say,

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any Muslim who is touched by a calamity and then utters the following dua in Allah he were in LA he Rajang to Allah we belong and to Him we shall return Allah Houma Jordan a few mostly but you Oh ALLAH who rewards me for my calamity welcome, hopefully hire me and replace me with something better. Anyone who was touched by a calamity and in utters these words Allah who will replace him with something better.

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She said, Therefore, when Abu Salam died, my husband, I was told to say these words and I said to myself, why are you Muslim in a hurry? You don't mean?

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Which Muslim on planet Earth could possibly be better than Abu Osama?

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And of course, she said those words. And by her own testimony, she said Allah did replace me with someone better. Later on in life the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam consultant and proposed to her and he was someone who is better.

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But the point of mentioning this is what? How she was able to praise her husband with those words, what man on planet earth what Muslim could possibly be than better than my husband? shenana. My brother, can your wife say that about you?

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And my sister can your husband say that about you? Who could be better than my spouse? This is when masks fall off when veneers peel away and you see a person for who they truly are.

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Effect affection

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and mercy.

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And you have the story of Omar Hakim Al has been killed Harith Ibn Hisham, Al how that she was the wife of who I Karima even Abuja, this son of the infamous Abuja when it came I was like his father, fighting the Muslims until the very last breath and I came I was a warrior before he became a Muslim and after he embraced Islam, but down to the down to the t he hated the religion. And so when the prophets Allah, Allah hottie who has sent them conquered Mecca, he declared that everyone will be forgiven, everyone is free, with the exception to a few individuals who worry we will describe today as criminals of war criminals, and I crema was one of them. He said they are not to be pardoned.

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And so when I came, I heard that the Prophet alayhi salaatu wa salaam had arrived at the boundaries of Mecca, he decided to run towards the coast and hop onto a boat, and he made his way where he made his way to Yemen.

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And this is where Omar Hakim al Hola. She did something very intelligent and look at the mercy and love how she rescued her husband.

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She ran to the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, and she pleaded with him.

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She said to him, Please give my husband a pact of peace, and then give him a pact of peace right for him in agreement. He said your husband is your husband is safe. We will not harm him. And they knew that he would never break his promise. So she was given something in writing. And she ran all the way to the edge of the city to the coast. And she saw her husband I claim that he was putting his foot into the boat making his way to leave. She said yep, now Humber, oh son of a hammer.

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I have a peace agreement from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you are safe, you're not going to be harmed. And if you embrace Islam, I can be your wife again. Otherwise, this is the end of our relationship.

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The narration said he didn't even look at her. And he got onto the boat and he made his way.

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And during the journey, what happened? They expect the experience turbulence and it became a life and death situation.

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So he began to mutter some words of shirk. polytheism calling upon a lot and allows the pagan idols, and the captain of the boat said to him in a hula UGK yoga class, there is only sincerity that we'll see if you hear all this hocus pocus won't work mid see.

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If you want to be saved, you want to be sincere single out God Almighty Allah in worship. And here the penny dropped for a crema and he said not what I need. I feel really mean and hacked, it seems that I'm just running away from the truth.

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And so he made his way back to Mecca. And he met his wife and Hannah. And together they went to the prophets, Allah Allahu Allah who has sent them and he became a Muslim, and he became the Mujahid. I crema, even though every day, the warrior of Islam, the companion of the Prophet alayhi salaatu wa salaam, and the Great Martyr of the religion that you know, Allah, who was the one responsible for all of this after Elijah

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was his wife. And this is the power of Nanda affection and Rana mercy that it exists in a family and in this case, subhanAllah it was a non Muslim family, that these are mighty forces Allah has placed between the husband and wife the miracle of a relationship it becomes when this relationship is

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carried out correctly.

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And then you have the example Allahu Akbar of Allah, you will be taught it Ali, you will have your Dalibor whose wife Fatima, the daughter of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, she died quite young. Just six months after our messenger Ali, he salatu salam, she would pass away and he wants whispered in her ear. And he said something to her and she began to cry.

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And then he called her over again, and he whispered something else and she began to smile. And when she was asked what happened, what was said to you, she said, he told me that he was going to be passing away very soon. So I began to cry or father.

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And then he called me a second time and he said to me, you will be the first person to join me after my death from my family. And so I smiled, and indeed that prophecy came true. Six months after he passed away, I lead his love to set

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fire to my early Allah who couldn't have been to Muhammad it began to breed her last.

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And after she was washed, she was shrouded by members of her family, and they have prayed the Janessa salah upon her early youth Nebuta they were standing at her gravesite, and he utters very powerful couplers of poetry. He said, Marley, you walk up to Adam kobori Musa Lehmann,

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Cabral Habibi for La Mirada Joby. He said What is wrong with me? Standing at the grave side of the beloved.

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I have given her my greeting yet she is not responding to my Salam.

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He said Habib Umar, la Cala Tarida, Java banana, Sita banana Hilda tell her daddy my beloved. Why are you not responding to my greeting? Have you forgotten those intimate moments that we used to share? All the heavy boo okay failing EBG our become one Rohini Jana dealing what Robbie? But my lover said to me, how can I respond to you? When I am now at the mercy of stones and duct? Ocala Tora buena Hasini fantasy to come while hardship to Ang Lee, you are an atrocity. My Beloved said to me, the Earth has consumed my beauty. And so I have moved on. And I have been veiled from my family and my loved ones for ally comorbidity Salam wa takakkaw minumum in Latin.

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So I give you my husband and my friends and my family, my salon. And as for those intimate moments we used to share they are no more.

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So when you hear these words of a husband saying this to the corpse of his wife, what do you read in those words, shear pain, raw pain, and you read also between the lines affection and mercy that must have existed in this blessed household Subhan Allah marriage by Allah it is a sign. It is truly a sign of the oneness and Majesty of Allah, these relationships these bonda are created when previously they were strangers to one another, my word, affection and mercy. These are the two components. These are the secret ingredients.

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And on the topic of poetry, I share with you a few couplets of poetry that were set by husbands

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speaking about their relationships with their wives, whether they were alive, whether their wives had died. And you will be able to read between the lines the exact same thing that I'm covering with you today. You have the famous IGNOU Zora yoka Al Baghdadi.

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It was already called Baghdadi was a Iraqi poet who lived about 2000 years ago, and he has a very tragic story and search for his provisions his livelihood he suffered so

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much. And he lived a very lonely life away from his family. And he is now bidding farewell to his wife in Iraq, Baghdad in the neighborhood of Cara. And he is explaining in couplets of poetry, the sheer pain that they were both going through, as he was now beating her farewell. And this would be a travel that would cost him many years of his life, and he died away from his family as well.

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And part of what he said in his poetry, he said,

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I still do Allah Hi Fi Baghdadi Kamara,

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Bill Kareem in Fela. Akela as Rahmatullah who he said I bid farewell to a moon that I have left behind in Baghdad, a moon that was rising over the skies of the neighborhood of Cara.

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He says what that to who will be with the low you were their only use of will hire at you and Neela over their home. I bade her farewell. Whilst deep down in my heart. I wish that I could have died before this came beating her for a while. He said, can cut the chef be in love with Erica who wondered what it had to shuffle. how intensely did she plead with me that I should not leave her? He said but the necessities of life makes man

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left with very few options.

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He said Can

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to shut by 30 Yo Mara Haleyville Howard more able stir Hila to add one. How intensely did she hold on to me on the notion of my departure whilst whilst my eyes were flooding with tears like a waterfall and sober her eyes and he says women you'll Sunday I'll be the crew who women either Jarrah kalbi, he decree us up there who she is the one whom and I remember my heart pangs in pain and I am the one who when she remembers her heart pangs in pain, Allahu Akbar. What relationship is this Subhanallah one of affection and mercy, otherwise these couplets could not have been said.

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And you have also the likes of

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Imam did Mohajer Alaska and he the famous scholar of Hadith, whom we are always quoting, he has a sad story as well when he made his wife Leila al hallelujah, farewell. And he's making his way now to travel the world and to accumulate the knowledge of Hadith. He says in a couple of poetry.

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Raha to Rahal to work I left to the heavy baby daddy he bureaus me while I'm at him.

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He says that I have departed and left my beloved at home and this was by force and never in my life did I look beyond her? And then he says, OSHA as you will see will hide d theta and Lulu Now hurry up lately I know. I busy myself during the day with the study of Hadith to occupy my mind but in the evening my heart begins to yawn fully now Subhanallah

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and yeah, under Lucy and Hindi he when he was passing away, he's remembering his late wife and look at his farewell legacy in his poetry he said either me to finish either actually that he You hardly to me if it to Robbie Isla Maha water to bloody he keeps on OSHA Who the hell is

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going on on the house with hon Allah he says that when I die, dairy meat besides my companion, in the hope that my bones will dissolve into house

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and organize my grave in whatever way you wish, so long as I am near my beloved I have near my wife. So these are examples of brothers and sisters, what happens in a relationship when as Allah says, well Johanna vino Kuma with that and Rama he has placed between you affection and mercy.

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And that is why it's the ECMO of Allah that each and every prophet and messenger Allah gave a wife, they were married, because the type of peace that is required for a mission like this requires stability at home. And that's why he said, Lita school in a year, so that you may find tranquility in them. And then he said and he's placed between you affection and mercy.

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As if to say if you want the outcome of affection and mercy, there first has to be sukoon in the home, there has to be tranquility, there has to be stillness, there has to be calmness.

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If that is the situation with the house, then you have the fruits of affection and mercy that can grow. But if the home is turbulent, how can that happen? How can those fruits appear? So that you may find peace in them, and he's placed between you affection and mercy Allahu Akbar.

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And it's also important to note here dear brother, dear sister,

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you are not to expect that love is going to remain at the same level or throughout your marriage. And this is why a lot of marriages they fail

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because there is a false and forged expectation as per the reality of love

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If your love Takes a Dip during one period of your manual marriage, does that mean that your relationship has expired and you now need to look elsewhere?

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In that situation, Mercy needs to pick up the relationship. That's why he said he's placed between affection and he's placed between you mercy. If the former takes a hit, then the Mercy should be the one picking up the relationship.

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And that is why email didn't look at it, he said.

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So in the radula human sequel Murata in Malema had that he he only ran that in Bihar, a man will hold on to his relationship with his wife, either because of love that He has towards her or either because of a mercy that he feels towards her be any Hakuna Yahoo Minghella because they have a child that they shared between them.

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Mataji fact or she may be financially dependent upon him, I will already be nahama because there is a familiarity between them both. They're familiar with each other.

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A lady that for other reasons. He's saying intelligent people hold on to their relationships because of love. But if the lover takes a hit, and what about the mercy between you have you forgotten that she's giving you your woman, he's giving you his time and she's lost her parents, her family home because of you and again, he's lost many of his so called freedoms because he wants to limit himself for you and so on and so forth. The mercy that brings you together sometimes is greater and heavier and brighter than the element of love that should go that goes up and down as part of the course of any relationship.

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And that is why when a man came to me even meaning Omar wanting to divorce his wife, Omar said to him why the man said I don't love her anymore. Omar told him off. He said Why won't you allow him to enable you to enlarge and hope you think that homes are just built upon love

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Aina rehire them, whereas the idea of care he said to him, and where is the sense of shyness from not being kind either rehire to them. You think all homes are built upon love? And in another narration? A man came to the Prophet and man came to amaro the Allahu Anhu. And he said, My wife just told me she hates me.

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And so, Amara, the Allahu Anhu summoned this individual, the wife and he said to her, did you tell your husband that you hate him? And she said, Yeah, I did.

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Because I didn't want to lie.

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He asked me if I love him, and I couldn't tell a lie. So I said, I don't I hate you.

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All might have told her off. And he said, None.

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technique, the Hakuna will teach me you should tell a lie.

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You should tell a lie. In a situation like that and speak in general terms don't go into the details of the line speak in general terms.

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Fillet you set up Felicia kulula YouTube now that help because not every home is built upon love. You said to her, while our kin wa Shara tuna had an asset when Islam, but sometimes we stay together as married couples because of lineage because of Islam because of other reasons. Allahu Akbar.

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So

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contrary to how the industry wants us to believe that if the relationship is devoid of love and passion, and romance, that it means we have to start looking elsewhere. In this situation, you'll need to be changing your spouse as many times as you change your clothes.

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And this is a reality of life that will hit us in our face very quickly, not too long into our marriage. That isn't to say that love has to disappear. Know the natural course of a marriage is that love evolves with time into something more meaningful, something more deep.

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But in the beginning, that flickering flame of passion, it has to die down. And that is part of any relationship. So he's placed between you mercy or affection. And he's placed between you mercy. And both are essential components, as we have seen, and this is why brothers and sisters statistics they say

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that most of the divorces that take place happened within the first year of a marriage.

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Why is that the case? If you think about it, I personally would argue because those couple come into a marriage with a false expectation about what love means. And they think that that feeling they had for the first three or six months that euphoria that elation is going to drag on.

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Now that is not the reality of a of a marriage. At this point, we're able to speak about some of the practical things that we can do, to bring about affection and mercy in a relationship between light data.

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It is very important to realize your brother, your sister that the world we live in today is very highly antagonistic to the institution of marriage.

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Every industry around you is competing savagely for the attention of your spouse.

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What does that mean for you and I? It means that if we are not constantly checking in with our spouse and rekindling that flame of love and affection then is going to abate is going to die out.

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You can't but do this constant course correction it will not grow by itself unless you take tangible creative steps to keep the relationship exciting, interesting and alive.

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There is a concept in physics known as entropy. What is entropy? Entropy is the idea of something which if it is left to itself, it will disintegrate to its basic, most elementary form. If you leave it to itself without feeding it, it will degenerate. They define entropy as the gradual degradation of society or a system. But that holds true for everything, every element of life. You watch TV or day all day without feeding it with books knowledge aim, the brain will experience entropy and it will begin to diminish in size and worth.

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You leave your car without serving, servicing it, entropy will kick in, it will begin to disintegrate.

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You don't take care of your health, entropy will kick in and you'll begin to wither away to a very skinny individual or a very fat individual, but most of them most detrimentally a very unhealthy individual that applies to every walk of life, including relationships, including love. If you're not constantly fanning the flames of affection between yourself and your spouse, it's going to die down.

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In fact, the prophets of Allah Azza wa sallam he said in Nell Imana lair, hula, goofy JioFi, Honeycomb Kana, Johanna Pathol, the EMA and the faith that you have in your heart withers away,

00:32:07--> 00:32:09

the same way that the clothes that you wear were await.

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So if the greatest of all relationships between you and Allah can wear away, why then have your relationship with other creatures, other human beings, it requires refreshing it requires steps.

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And that is why a lot of marriages complain of being so boring, because husband and wife they left all of their energy at the doorstep of the engagement period. They use all of their energy and has no need to dress up for each other. No need to smell good for one another. No need to buy gifts for one another no need to spend time with one another homeless I've got him or her in the back what's the need?

00:32:47--> 00:32:54

And that's why a lot of people are completely put off marriage, we have to change that. So the practical element of this discussion

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what can we do to bring back my word that affection and mercy or Ohana in a relationship? If we feel they are missing? What can we do?

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First of all, love your spouse.

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Now you will say that is very counter intuitive. That's not very helpful. Baraka Luffy we're asking you how can we increase our love and you're saying by loving them doesn't make sense. Hold on a minute. Hold on.

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We are first to realize their brother, their sister that love is not just a noun. Loving English is also a verb.

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Love is not just a feeling that sits in the heart. Love is an action. It's a verb. So when the verb is acted upon the noun is created.

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When the actions that bring about love are followed, the feeling of love appears.

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This is completely natural. So you are to see love as a choice that we can make. It's not just a stranger that bashes into your heart without asking permission. And lo and behold, you are and you are enchanted. You are you are in love. When you are in love of something or addicted to something positive or negative, think about it. Those were based usually on choices that you and I made.

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Those were circumstances that we put ourselves in, and therefore that attachment followed what came first the action then what followed that feeling. So if love is missing, carry out the action of love. And then the feeling of love by Allah's permission will grow back.

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For example, listen to one another.

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Empathize with one another.

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approve of one another, praise one another. Engage.

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These are actions that bring about love our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did that all throughout his life. I mean, how do you understand his behavior when he would put his head on the lap of a

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Our mother had Isha when she was menstruating, and he would recite Quran, and then in Sahih Muslim when they would be drinking and eating together, she would pass over the vessel to him, he wouldn't just drink it.

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What would he do, he would turn the vessel to see where the effects of her lips were. And then he would place his on it and he would drink Hadebe SubhanAllah. And then when they would be eating meat together, she would eat first and then she would hand over to him. And then he would turn it to see where she'd she'd finished off from and he would eat from that area.

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So the feeling of love is something that follows that comes later on you carry out the actions required and it will roll.

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So this is the first thing and by the way, the highest form of love is what? Love for the sake of a whole

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lot for the sake of Allah Jinnah, Generico.

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And don't deprive your marriage of that. Because sometimes when we think of love for the sake of Allah, Who do you think about you think about your shave. You think about your Islamic teacher, your tattooing teacher, you think about the students who attend the Halacha like this with you. Rarely does someone think about his wife or her husband, that it is possible to love them for the sake of Allah. What does it mean by the way to love for the sake of Allah, if it's abstract and not clear, it simply means that you want to see someone succeed in the Hereafter. And that having this person near you reminds you of Elijah and ledger. Now that's what loving for the sake of Allah means is

00:36:26--> 00:36:26

simple.

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But don't limit it to your spouse, excuse me, don't limit it to your friends and your shift, extend the understanding to your spouse.

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And your spouse does not have to do a huge amount to love you for the sake of Allah. Again, let's manage a second misconception. A lot of brothers and sisters when they came into a marriage,

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they were disappointed because they wanted to love someone for the sake of Allah. And then they were hit by a brick wall. They saw that their wife doesn't pray much pm on late night prayer. He realizes that she's also not so much about Halaqaat and classes and

00:37:05--> 00:37:28

Oh my days I really wanted to marry someone and love him or her for the sake of Allah. Hold on a minute. What is your understanding of religiosity and loving someone for the sake of Allah expand the definition a little bit more. And if you think about it, you will see how they benefit you Islamically every time your husband your wife has helped you lower your gaze, they have loved you for the sake of Allah.

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Every time your husband wife says to you call your mom and dad, it's been a while. What have they done? They've loved you for the sake of Allah.

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Every time your husband your wife says to you have you seen this clip? It was so moving, masha Allah, or let's watch this particular series on a particular Islamic topic. They've loved you for the sake of Allah.

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Every time he or she wakes you up for Salatin fetcher. They've loved you for the sake of Allah. My sister when your husband reminds you to make up your fasts of the day of Ramadan that you missed because of menstruation or any other cause. He has loved you for the sake of Allah. Yeah, okay. Even when your wife says to you, you're humble Allah, when you sneeze,

00:38:08--> 00:38:21

you sneeze, you say Alhamdulillah she says you're humbled Allah, may Allah have mercy upon you. This is the Sunnah she has loved you for the sake of Allah. So cherish it, be grateful, thank Allah for what He has given you. He's given you so much.

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So this is number one, love your spouse. We've understood what that means. And then we've also understood the highest level of love, which is love for the sake of Elijah, and

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the second theme is reviving your relationship.

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The art of exchanging gifts.

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And this is a topic that has long fascinated psychologists, anthropologists, economists, even of course, naturally, marketers will weigh you into the topic as well. Right? The concept of giving gifts has amazingly sophisticated effects on the human psyche. It's very complicated, what happens to a human being in terms of strengthening existing bonds and creating a brand new bonds just by virtue of a simple gift that is given. And that is why our messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in the Hadith which al Bukhari generates in his adult OMAFRA he said to her, do the Habu give gifts to one another and you will love one another?

00:39:24--> 00:39:24

One of the

00:39:26--> 00:39:34

writers she said that I knew that my marriage was doomed. The day my husband gave me his gift within the brown grocery bag.

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Sounds like a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me, but the point stands the idea of giving gifts now when you were still courting your spouse. My days you wouldn't visit the house. This your hands were filled with Gucci bags and Balenciaga, Sunder likes, but now that you are married to him to her, you're only coming home with Aldi bags and little bags and Sainsbury bags and receipts and La Ilaha

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In the law, ERP back in the day you were given gifts to a stranger. She was a stranger to you he was a stranger What did you know about him or her nothing.

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But now that they have become your life partner, you've stopped giving gifts How come?

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God this is backwardness, dear brother, this is to really revive this. give gifts to one another. It's a prophetic strategy so simple yet so effective.

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To how to to have. And psychologists will also say that the greatest recipient, the greatest beneficiary, of this process of exchanging gifts is not the recipient of the gift is to give up the gift. Phenomenal payback, when you see the joy of the one whom you've just gifted with something

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so that's number two to bring back Melinda or ohana, affection, mercy between you act upon it. Number three,

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dress up for one another.

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Present yourself to one another in a way that is pleasing to the eye.

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I can carry dear sister, your husband, your wife is the only human being who's allowed to look at you from head to toe without it being haram. So please don't be an eyesore to one another. It doesn't take much. Allah said Roberto hablando. I mean, as far as you know what the reality now Kurata I own Oh Allah bless us from our offspring and our spouses. That which will bring coolness to our eyes, please one another, when it comes to what they see, it doesn't take much for your brother whom before he comes home, he's got to spare a bit of clothes with him.

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And you've changed, you've washed up, you've sprayed something onto your body, you've brushed your teeth, you've combed your hair,

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present yourself, these things mean a lot to a woman. Similarly, my sister, you're waiting for your husband to come home, it's going to be like a 10 minute sacrifice from your daily routine. To go and look into the mirror, put on the dash of makeup, comb your hair, put on a nice outfit for your husband. If you are not going to do that for one another, then naturally eyes are begin to will begin to wander around because they're now searching for other sources of beauty. Now, this is not an emotional bit of blackmail, to say you either do this or you're going to get cheated on. Now that's not the intention. But remember, we're dealing with human beings.

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And if you are the only outlet to each other,

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then you've only let shape on be the third party of this conversation, do what is needed, I would let him know how best he said he need or what on earth as a urinal is odd cannot or have wanted this again, Lee.

00:42:41--> 00:42:56

I like to beautify myself to my wife for my wife the same way I love it when she beautifies herself. For me, we're going to get back to the statement in the coming weeks. Inshallah, when speaking about the principle of last year, we're gonna be model flip with them honorably.

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So this is number what on earth number is number three. Number four, give each other before I conclude with the fifth give each other on interrupted moments of attentive conversation.

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That could be just half an hour each evening

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where phones are on flight mode.

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And there is no one to communicate with but the person in front of you.

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And I tell you this,

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if you say that there's no time for that,

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then that's fine. As long as you accept the fact that family is not the most important thing for you.

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We must not approach this topic with the mindset that says work is non negotiable. No, begin with the mindset that says family is non negotiable. And just that simple adjustment in the mindset opens up so many possibilities and creative options a moment each evening, whereby you have uninterrupted conversation.

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Because let's just face it, and be real for a moment, sooner or later,

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you're gonna get fired from your work. Or they're gonna find someone who's better equipped than you are more qualified. Or you just gonna get old. And you're going to become an old age old age pensioner. And you're retired and you're now at home. But all of a sudden you don't know how to bond with your spouse because you've neglected to her you neglected him for 3040 50 years and when you need this person the most in terms of emotional support, they can give it why because you haven't been building this in your portfolio of your relationship for the last year. Last couple of years of your life.

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Right. So train yourself to do this from an very early phase in your life. Subhan Allah

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the hadith of our mother

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Aisha, in Slovenia Buhari has fascinated the scholars of Islam.

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When our mother I Isha once came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and she said to him, guess what happened? And he said what?

00:45:15--> 00:45:21

She said to him, Jana said, I should not Amara Fatah now, no idea. I had no idea. I mean,

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she said 11 women sat with one another.

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And they made an agreement, a pact, that they will speak about their husbands, and they're not going to hide anything.

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And so why so she begins to narrate to the prophets and I send them with flawless photographic memory. Everything that she heard, she's the first woman said this, she gave the full description. The second woman said this about her husband. She gave the full description very high level Arabic impossible for the average Arab to understand without a dictionary Subhanallah and the third and the fourth and the fifth thought she got to the 11th and some of these women were describing happy relationships. Some were describing abusive relationships, some are describing very sad relationships till she got to the 11th woman. What was her name?

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Album Hamad. What was her name? Omo OMO Zara.

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And the husband is called Abu Zahra

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and Omar I praised Abu Zahra so much he was defined as husband chivalrous, generous, kind, loving.

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But in the story, it ends with Abu Zahra decided to divorce his woman, divorce almost in the end.

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And I should have finished if you look at the Hadith and sidebar, it's long. It's like a full page.

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And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam did not interrupt once.

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And then when she finished talking, what did he say to her? He said to her to lucky cat Ibiza and Leo Musa rang in the hotel luck one.

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He said to her I have been to you just as good as Abu Zahra was to Zara. The only difference is that he divorced almost Zara but I will never divorce you. Lila. What does that tell you? That he was listening? Prophets Allah sent him, he hears it. And then he gives commentary, which suggests he'd heard everything. He'd understood it. He analyzed it and he's ready to give an opinion as well. And that's why emammal Buhari places this hadith in which chapter the chapter of Anika marriage and then the chapter of post noon wha Shara Tina, good treatment to family.

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He places this hadith under the subheading of good treatment to family.

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It is a hate Buhari or mother he said that when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would come home in the evening, he would look if I was awake, he'd sit and talk with me. And if I was asleep, he would lie down. spatula, so simple, so easygoing, but so friendly with his family, and the whole Hadith that you guys have read about the beginning of Revelation. And what the Prophet SAW is an experience and a hothead and Gibreel and hugging him and his fear and what Khadija did to him who narrated this hadith, it says the Narrator This was a type of conversation happening between husband and wife, Allahu Akbar.

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So there is no excuse to dedicate this time on a nightly basis or a daily basis depending on what your schedules are, where you check in with your wife.

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Just today, subhanAllah there was a divorce case I was dealing with what was her major issue? Just don't talk anymore. We're drifting apart. That's what's going to happen. We're drifting apart. Entropy. You don't feed the relationship is going to shrivel and die.

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That's number what Yeah, Shabaab Javid What number is this? Number four. Number five. And I will leave you with this

00:48:45--> 00:48:46

social media

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for those who care about their relationships, and worry about the levels of affection and mercy, being affected in their marriages, really think about scaling back on your social media.

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And this is a rule in life I share with you if you want to love someone.

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Put an end to your pursuit of trying to get attention from everyone.

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Because later on in life, your brain will only be able to get dopamine and excitement from multiple people's attention and you will no longer be satisfied with the attention given to you by one person.

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Put an end to your search for the attention of other people and their validation. None of it matters when you are married now.

00:49:34--> 00:49:40

None of it matters. Scale back. Focus on the individual in front of you.

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glorify Allah Almighty by honoring the person.

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It is ruining relationships brothers and sisters. And I don't know if you've noticed it's become a thing now. Sisters, for example, were thinking about marrying a brother and there's a conversation Alhamdulillah and what does she say when talking about him? Subhan Allah it's actually become

00:50:00--> 00:50:19

As part of the list, she will say Alhamdulillah he prays and he fast and mashallah good practicing brother Cora good family and they work and now shall live. He doesn't use social media, masha Allah, He doesn't use social media. So people know it's an it's a thing. It's separating families.

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And then you have the other dimension of social media, which is you flown team, your happiness to the world and the type of toxicity and sewage, you bring it into your relationship just by virtue of what you're showing the world.

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I mean, you're bringing people into your romantic life. Does your private life mean that little to you, my brother, my sister.

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Maybe you saw those really corny shirts, and hoodies that some couples were I mean, online is so bad. The brother will be writing on his shirt, he will say Wallahi She's mine. And then she's wearing a shirt that says Wallah, he's mine. Allahu Akbar. Allah Subhana. Allah, we don't want to burst their bubble in the flattering themselves, but no one's after either of you. zankel Mala can relax, you don't have to announce it to the world. But secondly, on a more serious note,

00:51:10--> 00:51:29

you are inviting the world into your romantic life. You're showing the world your private matter. Does it mean that little to you for people to know how much you love each other? Does everyone need to know? Is everyone a well wisher? Is everyone married? And those who are married or all of them are happily married?

00:51:31--> 00:51:55

And then you wonder you say yeah, actually, I don't know. We were so good. Everything was perfect. Suddenly, we're falling apart. How much I have you allowed into your relationship? Now we don't want to obsess over it. That's also not from the prophetic way. But we also do know that the prophets of Allah who I didn't even send them said some terrifying things about this. He said either I can show you and your job whoo hoo fan, you better recruit in the line, role hockey.

00:51:56--> 00:52:03

Whoever have you see something that he admires. Let him say Allahumma barik. May Allah bless it, because the evil is true.

00:52:04--> 00:52:05

He said the evil is true.

00:52:07--> 00:52:14

And he said, In Elena to clean radula el cobre, while Jana del kibra.

00:52:16--> 00:52:21

He said the evil eye takes a man to his grave, and takes the camel to the pot.

00:52:22--> 00:52:28

The pot for cooking is dead, so you eat it. The evil eye affects human beings and affects animals.

00:52:30--> 00:52:35

And he said earlier, he's thought to sell them in a terrifying Hadith which bizarre Ramana writes on the authority of Jabba.

00:52:36--> 00:52:38

He said in Surah,

00:52:39--> 00:52:51

many mo to mean Almighty bah bah, bah Illa he woke up, he will unforce ya Lee behind he said the thing that claims the lives of my ummah the most

00:52:53--> 00:52:56

after the decree of Allah is an eye in the evil eye.

00:52:59--> 00:53:31

So a lot of us are presenting our private life and our romance and the micro details of our life on an exquisitely decorated platter of social media, for the evil eyes of the world to devour. That's every verbal and nonverbal conversation every chose Choice of attire, every conversation, everything, you're showing the world then you wander, drifting apart. It's like Satan is separating us. I just did test him. I don't want him touching me anymore. I don't know what happened.

00:53:32--> 00:54:02

Like I said, we don't want to obsess over these things. That's also not from our religion. You take the precautions by taking care of the morning and evening remembrances. Learn them, save them, recite them, but at the same time, stay out of harm's way. You float your life on social media, not only is it highly irresponsible, not only is it highly immature, not only is it highly insensitive to people who don't have what you have, it is highly damaging to your relationship

00:54:04--> 00:54:31

which are living in a coma what Allah has placed between you affection and mercy, we've understood the idea. We gave some case studies of people who experienced affection and mercy in the most wholesome of Islamic ways. And then we gave five ways in which we can rebuild the element of affection and mercy. If it takes a hit during our lives. Masala Allah on had Amina Mohammed Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen