Ali Albarghouthi – Islamic Manners – Episode 05

Ali Albarghouthi
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the importance of visitation, manners, and dressing individuals to avoid losing their comfort and knowledge. They emphasize the importance of remembering certain phrases and words in reference to a situation and avoiding overwhelming emotions. The speakers also emphasize the importance of respect for people's lives and not interrupting others while traveling. They stress the need for everyone to be aware of their own speakers and not rush to answer questions.
AI: Transcript ©
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smilla salatu salam ala rasulillah

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and hamdulillah in Humberto who want to stay you know when it's tough you know, when older we let him in, shall we and fusina was he at Dr. Medina Mija De La Villa moving data, Madeline fella howdy Allah, Masha Allah illallah wa hula sherek Allah, wa shadow Anna Mohammed Abu hora, sudo sallallahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam.

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last time

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we've gotten into visiting the sick and the manners of the visitation of the sick.

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And we'll continue with that inshallah maybe with some overlap.

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So, just as a reminder, also, in case we did not cover any of these things, or we forgot about them, we said that visiting the sick is a hiree rewardable act, that ally xojo emphasized because he, the sick needs, our attention, needs our support. And we also, in fact, get something from that visitation.

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And we also talked about you know, the manners in terms of how long you should stay and how you should look and you're trying to comfort him,

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etc, etc.

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Then we moved on when we talked about the dead, or if somebody you know, is afflicted, and if you witness someone's funeral, and we've said that one of the rights of or some of the rights of the Muslims upon a Muslim as he sets a lohani or psyllium hacohen Muslim and Muslim homes There are five that the Prophet had listed. And he said that I'll do Salaam replying with Salaam when they give that to you he edited moreit visiting the sick. And then we said following the funeral dish meet will outlets saying at hammock Allah to the one who says Alhamdulillah after they sneeze, ye Jabba to Dawa and accepting their invitation. So it said these are the hellhole. So following the

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funerals, is also similar to an act of visiting the sick, because both of them are of benefits to the one who has been afflicted and the one who is doing that visitation. So the one who is sick benefits and that's dead benefit when we go and pray for them. And we also follow them in our in the funeral. And the one who visits also benefits benefits in the reward that Allah will give to him and how much has another Allah will give to him. And on top of that, also, it's important and this is why Allah gave rewards for that is because of the reminder that it gives the reminder that it gives in addition to the benefit that you give to that person. So this is point number 28. He says ended a

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sciatica one was Attica, Huck Arivaca used to have wanted earlier he can make it he says, when you're going to console the living because of the passing of a loved one, okay. He says it's important also to make dua for the deceased. So as you're consoling them make dua for the deceased and he quotes here, the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu. He was sending them to Abu when he will send them a passed away. So when he was consoling his family, he said sal Allahu Allahu wa sallam Allah homophily I'd be selama Allah forgive abou Salama. waterfire adonijah who filma Deen elevate his rank among the guided Well hello fulfill alchemy behave in Carberry and take care of his

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progeny. Okay, take care of his progeny. Those who had left behind be after him. Work for Lenovo, Allahu Allah, Allah, Allah mean, Allah forgive him of forgive us and forgive him era but alameen wa sallahu colbray expand his grief for him. And that is a sign when a lot as a did expand the graves of someone that means that person is blessed. It's not a tight place. But it's a an expanded place. It's a comfortable place. And that's part of the blessings that Allah gives to a person when they are when he's pleased with them whenever we're loafie give him light inside of it. So the grave typically is a lightless, small area, but through Allah Rama, it is transformed. It's connected to

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gender. So he gets a person is blessed. He will get some of the blessings of gender in his grave and included in this lessons is that the darkness of the grave turns into light. And then the tightness of the grave is eliminated and becomes an expanded comfortable place. So he made up for the disease. So when you console someone It's beautiful.

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They hear that from you. If you remember such, or you get the gist of it, what did the Prophet say? You get the gist of it so that the next time you make it to such a person, so it's comfort to their heart and they know that, well, I may have lost someone, indeed, I've lost someone. But if I make up for them, that Allah gives them this and this and this, they could actually be blessed at this moment. So this motivates them to do what, rather than sit and weep and feel miserable, to say something good and to do something good, so that that could reach the dead person that could reach that person. And he says, Sonia Kona, Hadith a karma and waza, female wrestler with a free free walk

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and musi base, it's recommended or it's best that when you are consoling someone, those are being consoled. What do you say to them? Or if you sit, what do you talk about? He says something that will alleviate the pain that they have alleviate the hardship of theirs, comfort them, comfort them, be the creativity, How are you this sobre la meaning remember reminding them of that reward of being patient for this affliction for this disaster. And that Allah as though did is beside them, and Allah will help them, to direct them, to direct them to how to cope and how to deal with all of this, how to view it again as something that is from Allah, and Alok at assist through it, because

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that's person, all of us. When we get tested like that, we may lose our patience, or we may lose any wisdom that we may have. And we only see the pain, you don't see anything else you see, just see the pain. But when someone comes in reminds you that no this behind this pain, there is something else behind this pain, there's wisdom behind it, there is Rama behind it, there is a blessing that is waiting for you. And you can deal with it differently, and you can feel better about it. And you can redirect your energy so that rather than as we said, sitting miserably missing the other person, you start turning it into an action plan, what am I going to do because you have someone who has just

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died and you miss them.

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So what are you going to do to bridge that emotional gap? It says, Okay, if you can do something for them, that will help them in their grave, if you make up for them, if you give up on their behalf. If they owe somebody something and you go and repay it. If they somebody, if they've insulted someone, you can go and ask them to forgive them. So all of these things on behalf of the dead will help them and you know that you had made their life better in the grave and in the hereafter. So that is a much positive response, of course. And he says in general, he says, It is better also good to remind them of some ayat and some Hadith that would enliven their spirit and remind them that

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they should be patient and why they should be patient. And he says here, you know,

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when Allah says, Well, this shoot is slavery, give glad tidings to those who are patient, those who are when they are afflicted, they will say in Allah he were in a lay here on your own we belong to Allah and we shall return to Him. So when you tell a person or remind him say this, and we should actually remind ourselves that whenever you are faced with any affliction big or small

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asaba Tomasi, but what are what what is this? masiva anything that discomforts you, anything that annoys you, anything that

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is hard on you, is almost LIBOR, and it could be something small, it could be something big. So, to remind this person, oh, Satan nelida here in a Leonardo, okay, and there's something else that can be said, we'll come to it. But and to understand what that means. So if you can see in a little lower in earlier john, but not understand what it means. So it may not actually change anything, but when you understand what does it mean in addenda?

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What does it mean?

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We belong to Allah, in nearly law, we belong to Allah. So I don't own anything, including my own self, my own body, I don't own it. So recognize also that other that other person, although he was your son, your daughter, your father, your mother, your spouse, and you want them to be next to you all the time, you don't own them, somebody else

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controls what they do, he wants them here, he wants them there. And now he has taken them back while in a lay here on your own. So Allah gave them to you. You did not give them to yourself, no single thing in your life. You gave that to yourself, Allah gave it to you. And now a lot of retrieves it. So when you understand that Allah gave on a lot retrieves and you understand that that person did not disappear, and our belief in a day of judgment, or in an afterlife rather alleviates the pain that we have because you know that there is an other opportunity, another plane of existence. We're all soul is there all souls are going to meet each other. Oh, so it's just

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momentarily that's cold or temporary separation, and then you get to see them again. So if you know this, and you know that you can improve their life and elevate their station in general or protect them, save them from Hellfire or help save them from Hellfire, but the good things that you do, then of course, that will change your perception and change your

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your emotions about the issue. He says kulu knifes in the photo mode, etc, etc. So whatever, whatever you remember of a Hadith, and this is the one that I wanted to say that, remember the saying of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam Allahumma jurnee famously, but he was literally a euro minha he says, Yeah, Allah reward me for my affliction for my masiva for my pain, and compensate me or replace it with something better. So this is something to remember, in Arabic, if you can, if not in English or any other language that you speak, it does not matter. As long as you remember those two phrases, a lahoma a journey female see Betty? What does that mean? Yeah, Allah reward me for my

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mercy, but just remember it. Because we don't often remember that if something bad happens, and we're just experiencing pain. That's it. And we're dealing with pain and what we're going to do on how we're going to save myself from this, while we talk to this person that present and you sit and you lose hope. This is what we go through. If you remember in an interview, we're in nearly here on your own. And then you see a lahoma a journey, if you will see by the Allah reward me in my affliction for it, and replace it with something better compensate me and replace it with something better. That is what a lot of it is going to do. So a lot of rewards you for it, and will give you

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something better than the thing that has been taken away from you, either in the dunya, or the FML, or both. But you just wait for something better. And of course, when you see this, again, it refocuses your attention. So you know that there's something bad happened, right? Something bad is happening at this moment. Whenever something bad happens, it traps you can't think about anything else except that thing, right? can think like how do I escape it? How do I overcome it? Why is this happening to me? So it's as if it shrinks you and it starts controlling you. You say aloha my journey, if you will see but the now you have beginning to grow bigger than your problem. Yeah,

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Allah reward me for this, we'll see that. So it's not this musi been happening for no reason. There is good deeds that follow.

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Okay, so now it shrinks become small, and replace it with something better. It even shrinks more and becomes even smaller, because I know that it's going to what?

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it's going to end. Okay, so if you believe that it's going to end, it becomes easier to tolerate it. And that's something better will follow it, it becomes even easier and easier to tolerate that. So one of the best things that you can tell a person who is afflicted, no matter what their affliction is, is to teach them that is to remind them of it. And we know it, but we forget it. So remind them of these things.

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And he says also let me feel the Holy hair and like the saying of is right the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when his son even though him passed away when he was an infant, he sets a law to sell them in this famous Hadith in a line at adma. Indeed, there are the eye tears and that will come to us and then the heart is saddened what an akula illa Europe we will only say it will not say accept what pleases Allah. What in Abbeyfield Africa Ibrahim, Allah has known overgrow him we are sad, okay to be separated from you, because of your separation or being separated from you. We are sad Yeah, Abraham. So here the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is experiencing human emotions.

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But it's teaching you and me how to deal with them. So the prophets a lot he was seldom is not an angel, meaning that he does not experience sorrow. Now he had a son, and when he lose a son, what is sad it is naturally sad. So it's not that the Prophet did not feel any sadness. So he said in this Heidi, that the heart experience is sadness, we know called Bella hasn't. And then there were tears in his eyes sallallahu alayhi wasallam and some of us are harbor did not understand this experience discontent. unhappiness with Allah's decree. He says, No, this is a hammer. This is a natural Rama that you find an attachment that you have with other beings. So it's natural that when they leave,

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when you see them dying, and when they leave that you will experiencing the experience this sadness, experience what this Rama tears coming down from the eyes, that does not negate

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does not contradict being content with Allah's decree because they are separate. So I can be content with Allah's decree How? By know by first not saying anything that displeases Allah. That's why he says what Ana kulu illa majura we will not say anything except what pleases Allah meaning, thanking Allah and supplicating and asking him for support. And that stems from the basis of it is the heart not feeling anything or not believing anything that displeases Allah, meaning that Allah took away something of mine that he should not have taken. That shouldn't be the case. And if someone some of these thoughts enter our minds, we should stop them and say, no, this actually belonged to Allah,

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belong to Allah. And if that person who died were to be given the choice, whether he wanted to stay after he sees what Allah has for him, whether you should stay or leave, he would choose what a lot chooses. And if a lot were to actually show you everything, you would not make a choice different than illustrious. So yes, this sadness is natural. So you don't need to pretend that it's not there. But what alleviates all of that is our knowledge that allows it is there and that his choice is better than our choice. So when you do with this, you can deal with whatever comes your way and

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he says you know what to sell off, you know, some of the sayings of the seller about death. And this is useful Yanni if

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useful, but based on the occasion, right, if somebody is deeply emotional, you don't need to go and tell them all of these things because that may saddened them even more and more. You pick your spots, but anyway, that Amaro the Allahu anhu used to say Coolio minio perlu, Mata Fulani, Fulani Allah Buddha Mineo minio qaddafi Mata Omar it says every day they say so and so died and so and so died and one day will come where they will say Omar is dead and it did meaning that every single day you find that there's a list of people dying and they say so and so died today so and so died today it doesn't affect you in our in our life It doesn't so and so died Oh yeah. A family relative died.

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Oh yeah. A family friend died. Yeah. But that family friend and that that's the person who before you. I mean before he used to hear about other people dying and now it came to him. The same thing to all of us. There will come a day a low alum when but that will be the day when they will say so and so and

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so means that everybody is going to die so don't be so

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shocked by it when it happens if you know that everybody is supposed to die. And he says i'm not i'm not disease or the Aloha underwater Hema here he said in Nara juden lei Sabina hora. Bina Abby he Adam Urban hayyan la Aria con Phil Moti is a man or a person who between him and Adam, between him and his father, Adam, there is no living father. Indeed, he is a veteran in depth meaning an expert in death in a sense that if you look at your father and he's dead and his father is dead, and his father is dead, and everybody to Adam is dead, means what what's next. You

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so II mean like he's a veteran experienced that it is coming your way. And he says also, Hassan was so he said you have to add them in them and I am called Amanda bio monta. habaki says old child of Adam, you are composed of days when you take few of them few of yours gone. So you are made of what I don't know 10,000 day days or 20,000 or so if you take one. Then there's one less two there's three or two less three, three less. So each day that goes there's less of you less of you less of you until it is all gone. And he said also about a more law in the law. Let me add in more meaning raha do an agenda. He says that a lot as I just did not give the believers comfort until Jenna. I

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mean, you have occasional comfort, right? They have occasional comfort. But for the believer, because they move from an affliction to another, a test to another. They're staying away from haraam. They're trying their best to do the Hillel, what pleases Allah. There's this struggle always with their neffs with their however their desire and with the shaytaan. So they can be completely comfortable. And this life is not theirs. They don't feel at home here. They'd like strangers. What about so their full comfort is when they meet a loss of the hereafter? And he says in the other one oh Sumo Athena Yama, Yama. The wedding of the pious is on the Day of Judgment meaning their day of

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happiness. The day when they really happy is on the day.

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Judgment again occasional happiness that you may be a happy person and you have a lot of good things in your life may Allah didn't make it so unless it but he means that true happiness because of what we talked about true happiness maximum happiness can only exist when you meet a laws. It does not exist in this life.

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And there's one he verse of poetry couple here.

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Now um he says this, this is this one is interesting. He says we're in the dunya Karakuri, Safina tin no novel, no orphan was a man who bigd it says we in this life, are people like people who had boarded a ship there on a ship. No, no, no will over. It says if we think that we are still we're now moving, but the ship is running.

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So it seems like as you're standing here is nothing is nothing is happening. You're just standing still, the time is moving, whether you're still or not, whether you're active or not. Time is moving. So this is just like the sea underneath the ship. Eventually you will reach your destination, even if you're just standing or sitting or sleeping. This time is like water. And we will reach your destination that harbor sooner or later depending on Allah's

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And he says here, I mean, what prompted me to mention all of the all of this advice, these ayat and that Hadith, he says, because I've saw some individuals when they go to consult someone, because they've lost this one or that one, they talk inappropriately, but you talk inappropriately about this thing on death thing, this probably he's referring to gatherings, you know, people who when they pass away sometimes and this is a culture in some places, when people pass away, they have a gathering. And they invite everybody and becomes sort of cultural norm, you have to do it. But it really you don't have to. But they invite everybody and they serve them this and they serve them

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that and they put a plate on in the background and everybody gets invited. Of course not everybody knows the deceased. Well, the family very well, they were just coming to give their respects. They sit and they talk. And sometimes what they talk about is completely unrelated to the event, they start talking about politics and start talking about football and start talking about so that it's done because there's just supposed to sit there thinking they're thinking they're supposed to sit to pay the respect. But they have nothing to do with what has happened. And there's nothing to say. So that's why he is mentioning this, that if if and whenever that is the case, you should only speak

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appropriately about reminders and encouragement and ways that help people cope with that tragedy of theirs. And what is even better is for a person not to have such a gathering. And it's not the norm. It's not the Islamic norm. It could be cultural in some areas, but it's not the Islamic norm. But rather than when you see the family who had lost someone, you go and you console them, you go and offer your help, if there is no other way to see them, except for them to designate a specific time and they let's say in the masjid, we're going to be having a reception a brief reception just to receive everybody and so that they can pay their respects, or you know, talk to the family or at

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home from this time to that time, you can do so you can go and visit them. But make it brief. Why make it brief unless you know that they would want you to sit

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by it. If you know from them, you're close enough that you know that they would like you to sit and that your presence helps keep sitting.

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But if not, then you simply just just go say Salaam say that asiya the content, say the comforting words, condolences and basically ask them if they need anything but don't burden them. Don't burden them by staying too long. Don't burden them by asking them to offer you beverages or food or that they're not in a state. It's not the sooner for them to offer people things. It's the sooner for people to give them something because they don't have the energy to be cooking to take care of themselves. So in some culture in some of these Muslim cultures, we've switched it around. We expect them to offer us something we go and they have to spend they have to rent a room and they have to

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offer us beverages they have to hire a recital and they have to sit and they have to read the Quran it becomes a burden on them. Yeah, and they just lost someone and it's there's a burden on them to go and rent chairs and a room so that they could receive people none of that should be done. And if this if I hope it's not a culture here, but none of that should be done but rather something that is easy. And something that is more productive than that and more following of the Sunnah of the prophet SAW the law it was

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He moves on in point number 29 and he says when we had the bill majelis that if you are sitting with your with a companion sitting with someone from the Edit of a gathering, and that can be the hardest delay for go hadn't been a nurse for a consult. Okay Latif and Aviva. When you're talking to someone, lower your voice and not not be loud, don't shout, if you do not need to shout. Well, Leah khunjerab cabin kalami Allah Cotterill, hajer. If you're going to speak loudly, only when needed only to Don't shout. And he said here that Allah as dogen says in the Quran, in Surah Loma and part of the matter is that love man was teaching his son, well don't mean so thick, lower your voice,

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like have your voice, lower some of it because sometimes according to the ayah sometimes you need to be loud. or somebody's way far right and you need need him right and the only way that he can hear you, if you shout, okay, when appropriate, you can be loved. But when it is not needed, you shouldn't.

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When it is not needed, you shouldn't so part of the Edit. In a gathering like this or any other gathering you're at home or visiting someone or receiving gifts guests, is not to be loud, you're going out with your friends. This is typically more any more typical of the young. You're going out with your friends, you coming to the masjid, you're going into a restaurant, out of a restaurant, in the restaurant, whatever it is. And you notice that some of us when we're talking with very very loud, it says we shouldn't be that loud. Part of the manners of Islam is for you to lower your voice has a have a moderate volume, voice.

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And the Prophet Allah as though God says in uncut Allah Swati loss of wilhemina. And the most hated of sound is the sound of a donkey makes and the sound that the donkey makes is loud and obnoxious, loud and obnoxious. So whenever you see a law as though a gentle right likening something that we do, what are the in the Koran and this in the lightning, something that we do to an animal, it is something discouraged.

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It is something discouraged, right? Don't do something like a dog don't do something like a chicken. Whenever you see that it is something that is discouraged. So of course, for the donkey, and the donkey world and the animal world, his voice has wisdom behind it. Allah gave it to it for a reason. Whether to communicate with others or to warn or this or that there is a reason why it is there. Okay. But to us when we hear it, and this is what I was talking about to you when you hear it. It's not a beautiful sound. The birds you enjoy that right?

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Are the animals Yeah, but that is not something that you enjoy. So Allah is that it is telling you that when you raise your voice, you are resembling the act of a donkey when he speaks and you don't want to be like it. So in the unconscious world, the thing that you hate the most, or of the things that you hate the most is the sound of the donkey.

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And he says in Sahih al Bukhari also part of the edip, he says Abdullah Abu Zubaydah, he said

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he narrated, he says, after the ayah was revealed, yeah, you wonder Dina Amano la sua Taku focus Alton Abbey, he says, Oh you believe Do not raise your voices above the voice of the prophets of Allah and he will seldom will teach you how to build Holika heard about the community but do not speak loudly to him like to speak loudly to each other. Okay, you because you could be loud with each other. He says but when you're talking to him, don't be loud, like you are with each other. And Tabitha, Amma lucam, went to LA to Sharon, lest your unless if you do this, your actions will become invalid. Your good deeds will become invalid while you do not know. So that is a sin. How do good

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deeds become invalid? Okay, I've done something. How does it become invalid? One of the things that becomes invalid because this is a sin that goes canceling some of the good things that you've done. Right has been

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canceled some of the good things that you have done so Allah says, this is a sin, that is going to cancel some of the good things that you have done so you should not raise your voices. When speaking to him sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when he says in a Latina or Dona swatter en de su Linda a candid enough to handle only taqwa, those whom who lower their voices next to the prophets a lot he was it and those are the people whom Allah zodat had filled their hearts with the who had tested their heart and had become produced out of it. So takua produces

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That type of respect with him So, Lalanne he was number two, if you are negligent of it, it could be that you're committing a sin and that sin is canceling some of your good deeds. So afterwards he says can honorable hapa bad and I after it was revealed it had to be had death or who can

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I call Mona Jean with a head dtb Sir, he says, When he's used to speak the prophets, a lawyer said afterwards, it speaks to him as if he is whispering to him.

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As if he's telling him a secret, had yesterday chemo, let me smell hot dyestuff him. And so because of that the province always in them would miss some of what Omar was saying. And he would ask him, What did you say? so that he could repeat it? So at each period again, Yeah, we do. Soto, you barely had the data is different meaning he would lower his voice, to the extent where the Prophet would need to ask him repeat what you said. So this is how it changed to the behavior of Omar of the Allahu anhu. And Omar, why did it change his behavior because his heart was filled with the heart. And he knew that Allah azza wa jal, because gets upset, if his prophet sallallahu wasallam is

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bothered or is insulted, is not respected. So part of the respect that we owe to the Prophet sallallahu sallam, when he was alive, is that we're not supposed to raise our voices above his voice and not to be loud around him. And we say that and he said that before this is true, even till today, even till today, in two cases, and you remind me, tell me if there's a third, in one case, the more common one is when the Hadith of the Prophet sallahu wa Salaam is being read. Somebody is reading the Hadith of the Prophet, it's as if the Prophet is speaking

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with me. Am I right? Because what if a prophecy is speaking? Okay? You should listen to him. His Hadith is what he said. So when he's speaking, you can speak you can raise your voice of of his voice. So whenever you pass by a halaqa, this method, another method, it doesn't matter. And people are talking about the prophet and mentioning a Hadith, you have an option either sit and listen. But if you need to talk you leave. Because otherwise, it's disrespectful. It is exactly this thing that was talking about you raising your voice above his voice. And it's worse yet, if what you're in the same room, and you're talking and you disrupting the gathering, and you're preventing others from

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listening. So you're competing, your voice is competing with the voice of Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. So it's highly inappropriate. And you could fall in this category of those who disrupted disrespected the profits of the audio center, and you could fall in the category of those who invalidate their deeds because it is a serious thing. And it's the same thing with the Hold on, obviously, right? The other one is, of course, when you go to where

00:33:00 --> 00:33:00


00:33:01 --> 00:33:35

if you were to the Medina, and you enter the mess, did the same thing is the same thing. In general in any message it You shouldn't be loud. Once you enter the message, this is house of Allah azza wa jal, you shouldn't be loud. And specifically just because of related to this, when you go to Medina, you enter his Masjid solo and he was not to be locked, right? Because as that's out of respect for the Prophet sallallahu wasallam you wouldn't be loved. And it's a good thing because you want to feel that he's there so long, right? Do you want to feel that he's there and that you owe him that type of respect?

00:33:37 --> 00:33:38


00:33:39 --> 00:33:47

And this is any we extend this or we can we should extend this if necessary. In Rahim Allah, this is from a Tabby in.

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Allah in the Mohammed emissary in Canada, Canada in the AMI la hora, junonia, la de feu, one Navy model, don't even have the column here in the he says, even though serene, if someone did not know him, and he saw him talking to his mother, he would think that he is sick because of how faint His voice is, when he's talking to his mother. And this is an adverb that we don't have, and for such a long time, but in sha Allah, if we talk about it, we can revive it, but this is what he is, is he understood that part of the respect that you owe to your parents? Is that how you speak to them and the tone,

00:34:27 --> 00:34:53

tone and the pitch? So how loud Can you be able to sit in did not take a chance. How he says when he talks to his mother, Rahim Allah, it says, if you don't know him, you think that he can be sick because his voice is so weak, because he but he's taken a precaution not to speak with full volume, lest it be considered what? rude, or that he could raise it.

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Or if his mother is angry with him, if he's at an equal kind of volume, he could go higher.

00:35:00 --> 00:35:35

So he says he's just very, very, you know, respectable when he talks to his mother. And that's again something that we should pay attention to that not to be loud, with people whom Allah has commanded us to respect in places that Allah had commanded us to respect as well in those places and the people. So with the people we spoke about Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam and now about parents and teachers, so elders in general those who are older than you, and in the places that Allah loves, and also in general not to be loud.

00:35:36 --> 00:35:39

Somebody the hubby reports

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this is the student of inner city and Abdullah him on Elba City Hall in Omaha in order to for Allah Soto who sold the half a half of an avocado Kava thing he said in Omaha number two he says this, Abdullah have no own his mother called him. Okay from afar, so she was loud. So he responded with a loud voice

00:36:03 --> 00:36:13

for an assault assault. His voice was louder than her voice harder for hoffa so he was frightened because he has done that for at the Karnataka time. So if free to slaves,

00:36:14 --> 00:36:18

right now free into slaves is not $2

00:36:19 --> 00:36:56

it's expensive. And that's a lot of money. Okay, translated whatever way makes sense to you at two new pieces of clothes, and then you just give those who did not wear those. And you want to wear them as I'm giving those away for the sake of Allah, meaning he gave away things that are dear to him. Because he was what? Free. And I want a lot to forgive this sense. So here goes. So these are good reminders, good reminders that Oh, I should respect other people like that, especially my parents, and they shouldn't be loved. I shouldn't be loved.

00:36:59 --> 00:37:34

Now, and he says I'm open up disease. He says technology window for a file. So a person was talking to him and he raised his voice or around around him and he raised his voice for either Omar ma cough. He says stop what you're doing, but has to be able to eliminate colombina asthma, OJT. So it's enough, right for you to this, if to speak so that I can understand what you're saying not beyond that. Don't be too loud beyond neat. So if you're sitting next to me, you should only speak as loud as needed for me to understand you beyond that you shouldn't do any of it.

00:37:36 --> 00:37:45

This isn't this isn't point number 30. And of course not to raise your voice obviously also, when arguing with someone, but we'll come to that and show

00:37:46 --> 00:38:12

other women as well. majelis is and this is point number 30. And Nikita had detica jd su cabeza de tiempo de calidad de feu, Fela de lluvia de modified tequila, that is if your companion your friend, someone is talking to you about something and you know it don't embarrassing him by showing him that you know it already. Or you know, more than what he's talking about. Oh, you know, I know this already. I know more than what you're talking about. He says that's also not part of the job.

00:38:14 --> 00:38:55

I thought I have no idea Ah, this is one of the tiberian he said in the shabba that you had recently had a thesis The young man or a young man would talk to me about something. Okay, report something to me. Fast me Allah. Okay. And Neela smart, who is so I listened to it attentively. As if I've never heard it was hard for me to who knew that but I've heard it before that person was born. Meaning what a long, long, long time ago. I've heard this thing. It's not new. But you get someone who is you know, just learned something and you know, he's happy and he wants to share it. So he comes and he's talking to him. So it doesn't shut him out and say, you know, what could go you know,

00:38:55 --> 00:39:02

how long have you known this doesn't say this. He says he listens and out of respect. And this shows wisdom, by the way.

00:39:03 --> 00:39:32

And if you're if you are young and you have this then you're wise, otherwise an old age you'll begin to do that because you realize what Yes, yes. I was like that person before. Let me listen. And you learn also something else that even though I know it, it's a good reminder. Even though I know it might I may learn something new by listening to it through somebody else. So yeah, that's part of the Edit.

00:39:36 --> 00:39:59

And then he he quotes somebody else saying, either either item or Hadn't you had the two Hadith and he says if you somebody tells you something that you already have heard, or lets you and tells you about a news that he already have. have knowledge of Fallout two Sherry Kofi. Don't become a partner in this report or in talking if some he's talking. Don't cut him

00:40:00 --> 00:40:02

don't introduce new information

00:40:04 --> 00:40:42

hillson Allah Ania lemon hatanaka naka de alimta, who, you know, you don't interrupt him, so that those the rest, those who are in the gathering would know that you are also a knowledgeable person, you also know what he knows, meaning that you do this. Just to show off, you do this just to tell other people that, hey, I'm here for inadequate effort and minko has to adapt because this is impolite. Somebody starts talking, and he has something to say something to report and you begin to interject and you begin to interrupt and you begin to tell him and this and this and that. Why because you want to tell people I'm here. You want to tell people I know you want it to people, they

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look at me is it this is so this is impolite. let them finish.

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And if somebody said you need us, mommy never do it. Hadith same thing. In the last summer or gradual Hadith, or I hear somebody telling me something and I know about it before his parents met. Right. And I listened to him politely until he finishes. So this is this is how you're supposed to be to be able to listen. And something also beautiful here and then the end point 31 wise person tells his son to alum personally steamer aka Matata alum, personal column, listen, or learn how to listen well.

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As you learn how to speak well, for in the hostel estimator in her local mata kalium had the youth de la cabeza de se, listening well meanings giving the speaker the time that he needs until they finish what they have to say. And looking at him,

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you know, facing him and looking at him and not interrupting him, even if you know what he's talking about. And that is actually beautiful. And you all of us are a lot of us are concerned about how to talk.

00:41:55 --> 00:42:08

Okay, how to speak well, the art of public speaking or convincing others or winning people. But we don't emphasize as much that you should to be a good speaker, you should listen.

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And we can almost say that 50% of speaking well is listening well.

00:42:16 --> 00:42:33

Because when you listen, well, you'll understand what that other person is saying. When you listen well, you'll understand his point, the strengths and the weaknesses, you'll know where you agree or where you disagree. The conflicts between people happen is because they don't listen.

00:42:34 --> 00:43:02

Because I only want to speak, I want to only want to tell you, and I only want to convince you, I don't want to sit and listen to anything that you're saying. And if I'm listening, I'm only listening because I want to refute what you want to see. I can't wait for you to stop. And sometimes I'll stop you and it'll interrupt you. No, no, no, look, I know what you're going to say, right? So if I'm not listening to you, you're not listening to me. And so we'll continue fighting.

00:43:03 --> 00:43:20

But if you actually learn how to listen, well, this is from any you with your wife, you with your children, you with your parents, all the way to having an argument with someone religious or otherwise, if you simply are quiet, and you let them speak.

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That in itself is respect. And that person will appreciate and will give you the opportunity to speak and will listen to what you've said, at least you can say, as I've listened. Now you got to listen to me. And of course, part of the matters, of course that he doesn't talk about is I mean, specifically, but he says that if Barbara Lee Won another relay, meaning facing that person and looking at him, I can be talking to you, or have you talked to me, while I'm What? Doing what

00:43:56 --> 00:44:11

that's not at all, finish, either either finish the conversation and then text to whoever you want, or text whoever you want. And then talk to him, especially kids talking to their parents don't think that that's acceptable at all.

00:44:12 --> 00:44:40

You put your phone down, right? You have to, you have to teach them this, it's unacceptable that your kid especially if they're young, they're old, and they're just you have no control over them, then Hamas has done. But if they're young, and they're still learning, you put your phone down. And then you talk to someone who's older than you or younger than you whoever, but he gives them you their your full attention. You listen to them, not only with your ears, but with your eyes in your face fully.

00:44:41 --> 00:45:00

So that they can listen to you fully. This is how you communicate with people. So that's the host no listener, listen well, so you can speak well. That's about SubhanAllah. When you listen to somebody, you may discover that you don't disagree. You have a lot in common. So there is no need for you to argue. Well, you

00:45:00 --> 00:45:14

I discovered that he has some good points I can build on those good points are there is a weakness. And I found the weakness now. And I'll tell him what that we can send them we can solve the problem. But learning to listen is an art as it is what? learning how to talk, right?

00:45:19 --> 00:46:03

No, no, an extension of the seasons woman had been majelis he says that if somebody is talking to you, either Ashkelon a cache. There's someone who's talking to you, and you don't understand something that he's saying. Okay? The first bit Allah, he had a minute Hadith, he says, Be patient until he's done. And then ask about whatever you need to ask about and don't interrupt. It says, Don't interrupt. And when you ask, ask gently and politely, again, not in a challenging way, not in a demeaning way. But ask intelligently, politely and kindly. What are Dr. Ali Hichilema with mahadevi do not interrupt him except if that setting is a setting of discussion and debate, like it

00:46:03 --> 00:46:38

is designed as we're going to sit and discuss and debate but that is a more specialized type of setting. Usually, we don't have those, this is for any, any for those people who will be arguing about this, this matter in a condensed matter or fifth time, they're going back and forth, back and forth. Right? That's a very different setting. But for all of us, when we are talking to each other, that's not the time. So wait until he's done, because maybe he'll explain it. In the remainder of his speech, he'll explain what he had said. When he's done, stop him and ask him the questions that you need to ask

00:46:39 --> 00:46:45

is, so it's bad manners, right to interrupt someone and object to what he's saying while he is talking.

00:46:47 --> 00:46:50

And he says also number four, point number 32.

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And he says we will majelis.

00:46:54 --> 00:47:36

Either so either Jedi Super anshi in a Nevada untidily Jabba Annabella Marina de Paula tha he says that if you're sitting with a group of people, and somebody asks somebody else a question, it says, Don't rush an answer. That's not your question. Until he has the opportunity to speak and give the full answer. And don't answer until you yourself are being asked because this is the proper way to speak. And this is the honorable way to be. And this is how you preserve your dignity and the dignity of the other person. Not when somebody asks something, especially if it is religious, or who knows about this and who knows about that. And they find you always jumping to answer as if you

00:47:37 --> 00:47:48

nobody else knows but you as if you want to prove yourself as if you want to disprove that anybody or prove that anybody else doesn't know as much as you do. So you jump at the answer. He says don't do this.

00:47:50 --> 00:48:01

He says, uh, yeah. Okay, so either way, you can takuna until mujeeb Kanika, sort of aneema out of here. probiota. He says, Do not be a person who whenever there's a question, you jump at it as if you had one.

00:48:02 --> 00:48:45

price for indicating funkadelic he says if you do this, if you rush as a writer bill Masuda enough to say it is but it's as if you are chastising, okay, the person who is being asked, and the person who's asking as if you are putting down the person who's being asked you don't know. But I know. And don't put yourself in that position because that person will start hating you because of it. as that person was asking questions will start thinking less of you because of it. And you'll find the adverb of the Sahaba or they allow Jemaine is that this is not what they used to do, even though they knew the answer. They knew the answer. But out of respect, they would let others speak,

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especially if they're older, especially if this is a person's home, especially if someone else was asked, it's not my question. If they say something wrong, and you need to correct it, that's different, but you correct it in a gentle manner. But if they're what they're saying is right. You didn't need to speak as if to what show that I'm here, show that I know show that I've studied, I read that is not proper. So let me see in show.

00:49:16 --> 00:49:18

We do one more or we stop.

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And he says, You know, I finally will do number 33 and that we will last one and he says I'm specifically speaking to my dear Muslim sister. What do you want to visit family members when you went to visit your sisters, be careful and cautious about the time and the length of time that you stay and what you say in it. So he's emphasizing all that he will all that we said. But he's double emphasizing this for our sisters in particular, because they're more social. They're more social than men. They visit each other more, they talk more, so they're more likely that they need to emphasize these matters among themselves more than men though men needed definitely

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But whether it's because there's more likely that they will be engaged in conversations. And sometimes these conversations slide into what improper areas. Did you know about what so and so did what so and so said, Do you know about the latest this and the latest that and there could be gossip in it could be backbiting and it could be mockery in it. There's how long in that conversation? So don't slide into a haram conversation. Pig, those that homie I want to visit how long you want to visit?

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What do you want to talk about, and preserve your sanity and preserve your club, from the time that you leave your house, till the time that you come back and don't do something I know that you want to go on, you want to talk and you want to have fun, but don't have your fun at the expense of others, meaning I don't have to feel good about myself by disparaging others and making fun of them. So on so did this. Isn't it funny? Isn't it ridiculous? Isn't it this so and so is stupid, so and so is this, don't do this? Because I feel better about ourselves by putting others down. So it's hard on and when you meet Allah azza wa jal that fun time that you had will turn out to be very miserable

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time that you'd have to account for. Why did you say this about so and so on about so and so? And just think about it? Is it worth it? It's one of the easiest thing to attack somebody or to put them down or to you know, to make fun of them. But when they see that and they know it on the day of judgment and each one is desperate one of us is desperate for one hacer una Do you think that they're likely to forgive you?

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And you can ask Allah the Most Generous Forgive me

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lo forgive you. But you go to another human being and you say Forgive me. And now you borrow money from someone? Do they easily forgive it?

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No. What about has another and a time when you desperately need it? Do you think somebody's just going to easily give it up? Yeah, go ahead. You're forgiven. And I am facing Hellfire I'm going to take as much as they can from your house and not deceived myself myself myself NFC NFC. So you make fun of so and so he's going to get it back from you. So it's not worth it to for you to jeopardize dooney and Hera for the sake of few hours where you make in front of people so these this is really serious we're not talking about a luxury teachings here talking about something that is fundamental in this life and fundamental definitely when you meet a laws origin so gerakan law Hara I don't know

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if you have any questions or not. We're nearing the end of the book. So I do will receive I do appreciate and do receive, inshallah, feedback about what we have done, but also recommendations about what you want us to do next inshallah is not for them.

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condolences. How do you handle them?

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