One Ummah Conference 2012_ Family Today

at

the bar, the bar doesn't bode

well, south of Santa Monica Salama, Bad Santa Monica Magee brothers. This isn't slump

liquid shoe through some helicopter

It's been five years or so since I've been here actually I saw the hat was last year for the sisters only male and listen shall love it. I know that some of the brothers When I came here, way to gain

when I came in the one the young brother Misha mela blossom sauces. She also

was I remember when you had more hair. Yeah, I know last time here here and I ended here. But yet he believed and everything's good things change, you know. So we'll talk about changes behind my back changes for good and Sharla. The topic is family today. But before we start on the family today, let's talk about yesterday. How to Become a proactive, happy family.

Believe it or not, let's start from the beginning. Not today.

In order for you to have a happy family,

you have to do your homework.

So let us find out first of all, how to start building this beautiful foundation. Have a family and you won't have to come go crying to your local imams office saying my husband did that or my wife did that I'm losing my kids and all that stuff. So let's find now something is number one rights of your children before you actually have them. Anybody knows what's number one, Huck? What's number one right for your children before you even have them?

The brother that I actually give the candy to is right there. So look at that. It's still right here, man. It's right here. I'll give you another candy. If you tell me what's number one, Huck, number one rights were you kids?

Da Masha, Allah is way ahead of me. But you get a white one. You get a white one. Okay.

There's one more Who can tell me

Allahu Akbar. You get a guava one of the

Oh, I can throw things I've lost my shirt. I love it. I can get too far. But you know what? Here you go, man.

My eye. Okay. I can't get too far. You're you're busy. He's looking very chill. Are you leaning back? much? Are you looking very soon on?

The shift, we're just talking about humbleness and you're good. Looking good. Are you married? Okay, sisters, we need to talk about this guy we will sell my first option is 100% halal meat. Right. Right. All right.

So really what I'm alluding to is you're right, the number one hack for your children before they're even here, choosing the righteous spouse. That's it.

Fair enough. So let's now build this happy family from the beginning. Don't come back in the end. After you get married. Tell me how do I start a happy family? How do I have this happy family today? So let's go from the beginning as being proactive, not reactive. So let's talk about what this first wave of love calls it's four by four factor. Fair enough. Let's talk about the four by four factor and it's not a vehicle It's the vehicle that will get you to your happy family inshallah. So when the sister comes in, or the brother comes in, complains about you know, my husband beats me up, he Gamble's or he drinks the looks at he's a womanizer, or my wife doesn't do this are all that stuff?

You? What's the number one question? I asked them?

Based on what Effie and ot Did you say I do to this person? Based on what? How could you say yes, I will marry you. Because of what? So let's go through the criterias then you'll find out what should you have? So if I tell you this brothers and sisters if you're already married?

Don't worry, you're not doomed. You're good. Let's talk about solutions. So with the mental state of mind that the doom What if I'm telling you, here's what to look for, in a husband, be that husband?

If I tell you

what to look for in a wife, be that wife of t. So we're talking about change to be this happy? family. Even if you're already married, you want to be the characteristics that I'm going to tell you inshallah, four and four, and then I'll tell you what to do after that inshallah, given the very small time, so I'll have to speak a little faster. I already speak fast, don't worry. So sometimes I get like the puppy Look, if I see you guys gonna lose.

I don't losing you. So inshallah we'll go slow. The first criteria, since ladies first was talk to the ladies, what to look for now, husbands.

Most of the time, yes, yes. But, you know, I've been watching this Bollywood movie. I see this

guy with the hair flying in the wind coming on a white horse, smiling and you know as the smiles, you know the diamond looking thing eat worlds, right? And he comes in, of course, it's amazing. You know, because this movie you've been watching the director wants you to feel certain ways, right? So the story is usually the same boy loves Girl. Girl loves boy, but the father the villain, then

does not want them to get married. So what did you do? Do you do the right thing? Of course they do what they elope and you're cheering for them? Run girl run. You go girl. That's so romantic.

This is love.

Of course, the one and B come together in slow motion again, the right Helen music, you know, whatever in the background.

And as you see them, you know what happens you see the sun rising or setting and the birds flying. And there is no clouds in the sky, but it's still raining.

Because it gives you a more dramatic chromatic effect. And now all of a sudden, a tree pops up out of nowhere. And behind the tree, a roll of dancers

no clue where they come from.

But it looks good.

And now your hearts are throbbing and you go that's the guy. That's the guy for me. Fabulous that you

so let us now let's talk about the four criterias for for the child of the brother you look for it.

There are two characteristics in the Quran and two characteristics in the sweetener. So let's go to the plan first.

In the Quran, when Allah subhanaw taala mentioned on the tongue of the daughter of yaku

alayhis salam she when she says

oh my father hire him a connotation that she's interested to marry him.

She says in the Hydra minister jokes well two characteristics alcovy Ameen. Allahu Akbar. So the first thing you look for is a copy. I mean, strong and trustworthy. Of course, according to les Tarantino time series is a man strength and faith that contemporary scholars later on ended up see this is Polly in every aspect of life, financial, physical intellect, everything academic, you know, mean everything.

And I don't have enough time to go into all the details, but just to cover it up inshallah, and we'll talk about the details some other time which I'll, I'll give you a good news inshallah, later on.

The second was in trustworthy ofI, you understand when the Father gives you a hand in marriage, he puts his hand in the hand of the man, he says, I give you my daughter's hand in marriage, according to finance, and the scholars call that the transfer of wilayah transfer of that guardianship. Yeah, you're, you're in charge. Your father was in charge of you after this, your husband is in charge of you. So you have to be in charge of somebody that you can trust. Could you imagine if somebody that you do not trust in your life, how could you give him your life?

Again, without details because we don't have enough time?

The second or two things are not in the sooner when Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam says,

said injure accom of course he's talking in conditional jacquemus talking to the guardianship. Meaning of course what when your father when somebody comes knock on the door

not come through the window.

Rapunzel, throw down your hair?

Yeah. Okay, we do have this Romeo and Juliet and comes down and takes the the rock and you throws it at your, your window and he goes down one knee and the flower in his teeth and chocolate box in the hand and all that stuff, but don't do that. So it's competition that they come through the door. So if the man does not come through the door of it, you're off the market. This is not the right guy for you. So he comes to you what happens? He comes and looks at you. You're the father and he now he takes that the criteria from that case. So what to do I mean Abu Dhabi have come through the gates, not the window, as we mentioned, so he's talking about the guardian.

Two things he's telling you to look for opava.

He says, religious background,

Dino and moral conduct.

These are that two, of course, we're not going to go into the 50 issues, according to one. If the man doesn't pray, is not a Muslim. Not gonna go there. Because of course, other scholars have debated this fact.

But if the brother doesn't read the feet, there are some

Cold opinions that there's not a Muslim.

You want to take a chance?

If he doesn't, if you're alone in dealing with a Muslim, how do you think he'll fear Allah dealing with you? So panela

did you imagine?

Now, could you imagine? And also the kids come after that? Do you think there will be illegitimate children to come on Judgement Day grab your neck? Who did you have as my father? Do you believe it? Do you really want this contract even though in the city says is written as a legal marriage, but really, you're committing fornication and adultery as as you do? So, you want to take a chance. So, this is a choice, the product of the of the choice you meet. The moral conduct, of course, you understand Homer are emotionally based men are physically based. So if a man is not sensitive enough, if a man is not sensitive enough, and understands that a woman or emotional you have to deal

with them in that way, they don't deserve it.

Meaning men, you have to work on that a lot. The moral conduct of dealing with that beautiful glass vessels, according to what Prophet Mohammed Salah, Salah mentioned.

But

I give you something, what it's called, and I finished with this on your sights on something called the building of dreams, right? The building of dreams. Sister hears there's a building men are looking for a wife. So she goes on the front one that the Lord says a man looking for wife, man, look of wife. I mean, that put me down.

She goes on the first door

on the first level, just before she enters on that next to the elevator.

There's a sign that says on the second floor, there is the man that is looking for a wife but also good looking.

good looking.

Good.

She goes to second floor just before she goes into that she was a third floor there's a man looking for a wife.

He's good looking. He's also sensitive, sensitive.

You know sensitive guys are interested other guys. I mean,

I mean, there's just so happy.

So they go up. Just before we enter there's another sign just on the fourth floor there's a guy wants to get married, good looking sensitive, and he loves kids loves kids.

And then the fifth floor you can add he's rich and he's that he's this totally go to the last level it says this floor was designed to make sure that you understand that woman will always look for something more and better and they don't exist.

That's the reason we say come down from Mars to Earth. Reality TV now. Look for the four criterias we told you in sha Allah, which recap and quickly two in the Quran. Allah will remain strong and trustworthy doing the Sunnah religious background and moral conduct and hamdulillah now

I hope you were listening he because this is what you should be now, if you are already married.

And that's what you should be looking forward to before you get married.

Let's talk to

Habibi, how you been good. So now, if I go to the university, talk to the brothers.

I go my brother from another mother.

Where's the sister from another mister

you know, force are looking for things they remember the Heidi remember?

Yeah, I remember that. If we remember which Amalia first beauty. Anything else? Yeah. Hold on. It's coming. It's coming. I feel something.

Lisa, Malia that I mentioned that they gotta go. Oh, yeah. Did I mentioned earlier?

Yeah. So let's talk about something else other than Jamali beauty you know? It is there is true Islam as a practical religion.

You know, you know once you have a beautiful wife because your physical being and of course, if you walk downtown Calgary in the summer

you see things

and if you go home look at your wife

then you should I should have listened to Prophet Mohammed says Allah

soleimani has there Yeah, wealth is there Yes, lineage is there Yeah, Dean is there no problems.

But what was number one I'm Prophet Mohammed saw salons list.

First forbartha deinterleaver chaddock. The true winning the true winning is the owner of the one that has a religious background telemedia that is

your handle touch dust. The scholars when they look in this Hadees they actually look in a positive and a negative in a positive way meaning if the sister has the religious background that he but he hasn't

You mean that you're it's a, it's a symbol of prosperity.

You'll prosper. This will be success. If you don't meaning on the negative side if you make everyone that doesn't have a religious background, then you have a tidak meaning connotation of humility.

You will lose everything you will lose everything and that's bad news. If you lose everything as if you see me on TV, like you know the brother comes in and these are true story by the way, when it comes to the offices when I went to work, I came back home and I found nothing at home the sister cleaned up his furniture and then you check the bank account it's also clean Mashallah and then I'm not talking to Mr. Clean

so that's the idea, of course, but when we talk to the brother, what are you looking for man? Just the same as the building of dreams and all that stuff. What are you looking for?

was read to her by babila Shackleton

Shara Kalahari

that I'm

gonna

talk about what a criminal job what job

can occur in our lives.

And the brothers that tell me what what are you looking for when I said you know, I want her to be tall and beautiful.

She has beautiful silky hair, not crooked, different colors during the day different color during the night. She's gentle with that your tongue respects the old does not harm that neighbor. She was rich then became poor. So she has the novelty of wealth but also the humbleness of poverty. She's This is that in the long list that says you either watch Edna had the masala Diana halophila

if you find this woman, we will make that pledge of allegiance. She becomes a mirror moment and she can lead this woman. And that same brother is looking for this long list looks like this.

You sure you want this? What have you got Where's, where's the where's the compatibility and so on.

So again, let's come back to Earth. Yeah, not Mars and all that. So we got the four copies, right hamdulillah

now you got married. Mashallah, congratulations, you found the good one. So you got the four by four but before you make that decision, he comes a third board.

But before I leave you there I have to teach you something that Dr. Ritter there have taught me. So if we remember according to last Kalani, he says number one is his religious background is true. But he says look for beauty first

because of the sisters beauty you continue if she has the religious background don't deal but if you look for religious background first she has it and then you look for others she doesn't and you got to refuse. That means you've used the religion.

You understand? We're not going against daddy but he's taking you through to explain it.

Now Dr. Rhythm there have with Allah He taught me this trick and I want to share with you inshallah, he says beauty is number one, right? Sorry, religion is back number one.

So Dean is number one.

You actually read in this way, so I'll give it to you this way. Okay. I hope that I'm doing right. So religion is number one. She's beautiful at a zero. She's She's 10 she's also rich. That's 100% man.

She comes from a good family she's batting 1000 at another zero.

Take away the religion. What do you got? three zeros. Enjoy.

You get the idea. Fantastic. Now before I say I do for both of you brothers and sisters before you say I do.

You have to go through the third four.

What are they is the Shara is taharah azmin tawakkol for things that you can not forget before you say I do. consultation. Pray to Ricardo ask Allah subhanaw taala number three is Asan. I'm determined to follow that sign and I will tell you a sign Charla

before I actually if it goes against my whims and desires I'm still determined to follow that telecoil I put my trust in Allah Subhana Allah after that. So it's the Shara you consult with everybody that knows the sister or the brother more than one because somebody may have a hidden agenda. Don't like that person for some reason or vendetta or they want you to marry your his own daughter.

My daughter is better.

Right? So you consult with everybody. Make sure you ask about the family circle work where they go to school. Have they traveled with somebody that dealt with money issues.

weigh in every aspect of life. If you get the green light you move on to the second phase if you get the right red light, why move on? Stop? That's a wrap.

So if he let's pretend that you got the green light when you consult ask about that brother or the sister, everybody's giving you a thumbs up or two thumbs up.

You continue now what do you know is that according to what you see what you heard, and everything is good hamdulillah

second phase is now there are certain things that you don't know if he knows it. Only Allah knows. There are certain hidden secrets in closets, his sins and all that stuff and you don't know what holds for in the future. So who does Allah Subhana Allah Allah

so you pray to work hard to ask Allah subhanaw taala if this person is good for my Deen my religion and my dunya May this life and the hereafter make them mine and so on.

You'll find this too and has the Muslim Show of hands who has been Muslim and Muslim raise your hand

Mashallah, the rest of you guys have to make Silva and jhala repent to Allah subhanaw taala for not having his Muslim

and get his Muslim

it's a booklet you put in your pocket very small like alright who has an iPhone

alone but the rest of the game the rest of you have to make Toba to get an iPhone shall love because there are applications

you can get on that has the Muslim in the Muslim fortress of Muslim a protector of Muslim is actually as an app you can download free man Don't tell me I don't have money it's free you don't have money you have an iPhone Come on dude.

So get that to either do is number is there

is there

now after you Nick is taharah

by the way Dr. bloods for those of you though like he says you make is the hot tub between this brother and that brother the Emory had that singular newsperson not comparing no in this one here after you get 1.1 opinion. You go and look for one person

and then Allah subhanaw taala will give you signs you will see a dream right? No Some people think is I have to see something in a dream. Actually again what like one sister came to me says I saw black Volkswagen go I'm happy for you. What does that mean though? First of all, I'm not prejudiced black or white? I love you more I don't care what is Volkswagen have to do with anything that doesn't have to be like a German built car or what has nothing to do with a black hole wagon

because subconsciously you continue and you obtain information three to four days right so he must have seen something heard something you'll see it in dream so we don't take dream as authentic proof. However after you go on making the decision that this person is good for me I'm going to get get married this person allows with Hannah Montana will will make it easy or difficult for you.

Meaning every time you go see this person you get like a flat tire.

You'll see him again. You get like a broken windshield. You go into see him again. You get an accident. You want to pull some money out you know to reserve this banquet hall you're overdrawn. You get some money you borrowed this book this banquet hall is booked for life.

That's bad news. jump ship. Abandon ship. Run Forrest run. That's that sign.

Now everything is so easy, no problems whatsoever, then continue. That's it so you continue what happens that's good for you Trump. That's the sign now number three is determination as I am determined to follow that sign even it goes against my own whims and desires but that he loves him right?

No no allows others no yoke to you this man is no good for you if he the system is not good for you. Or she's good for you continue inshallah. Now you're taught that as bad you put the effort and plan shall have no problems. After you determined you put telecoil either as an fatawa Corolla if you did, German would you trust Allah never looked back and never go against the side of

the Sahara plus, you'll pay a big price if you go he asked a lot he tells you and you go against it as if you might be making a mockery of Allah imagine. So you shouldn't inshallah so after this, you're done on the third for last for now.

Congratulations, everything's green. You get married now.

So there are four things right.

four things is advice that I give first, please understand when you get married you don't want to start your family on shaky ground. So I know some communities and don't please don't be offended this is you know, something that I've just been through.

You see a one brother gives me invitation I got accepted inshallah come. So I perform the nikka and so then they get another invitation is the same brother. Go Didn't I just marry him and

yeah, I know it was me. Yeah.

This is another something else. Yeah. And I got given an invitation.

It's like a nightmare you keep coming back man. It's the same dude are you married four wives is known as the same wife. So why am I getting this invitation all the time for you guys to understand? You see, so we have something called my Hindi. Yeah. And then nikka Mati Denis Rosati, then it's bankruptcy that

how much money have you spent spend on all these occasions I need to start your your family life honey we're broke. We got nothing to buy anything with.

This go to the last four Charla first for the recommendation I give to the married couple.

This for both of you.

The first thing is called the boat theory, the boat theory.

The boat theory is,

is simple. You're now in the same boat.

This marriage life is like a boat. You're in the same boat.

You're in this ocean called life.

And there is no smooth sailing in this life in this ocean.

smooth sailing only in heaven insha Allah even Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam had difficulties with the mothers of believers may Allah be pleased with all of them.

You will have high winds and high waves in this ocean in this life. These are tests and trials fitten.

So your job as a captain or co captain is to work together to get this boat to safety. So you do not compete against one another, but you complete one another. And your goal is to get this boat to safety and the safety of shore is where where is this boat coming to safety of the naughty Jenna, that's you go. My goal is to go to Jenna. That should be my goal to enjoy life, a beautiful life but under the umbrella of Islam under the umbrella of La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasulullah so we work together as a captain or co Captain to get this boat to safety and safety agenda. That's it. So you're heading is already done for you. All you have to do is follow that path of quiet and sooner

to be able to be an agenda

number two

it's called the castle theory.

The castle theory is simple. Once you get married

you may be leaving your family and friends go in together now living with a stranger that you don't know well.

In one bedroom a castle I don't care it's your own castle.

And every castle how many kings are there?

How many kings in every castle?

There hasn't how many kings

is it?

Yeah, one you're right. There's one king in every castle. And how many queens dude

they're thinking about it is this a trick question? Huh? Yes, one queen. So be that King as he and don't tell me if it's a queen I don't even know you man.

The messages be a first class Lady of the

stop trying to be a second classmen

third

the string theory

this life is a fine thread

you hold one NGO holds the other

if you both fall at the same time it will break

so I'm talking to you on this one.

If she pulls and she will just a matter of time.

Like a strong man you are because Who's the man? Who the man You the man

since you the man you let go.

Why?

Because according to the Hadith Prophet Mohammed Salah says the strong was the strong bench is 100 squat 700 No, he says a strong man who is a strong man.

You don't work with unless you have a candy or something right? You guys don't work cheap, dude. All right, who's this wrong, man? According to

a man. You're fired. No. I mean, I love you, man.

I'm just good. It's good. It's good try.

He's gone through the anger. Very good. He controls his anger. I can't go for beans. He controls his anger.

You're right. So if when the sister pulls up, he all you have to do what? Smile, turn around, walk away. That's strength. Now that's certain control. Right? And of course they'll hear you hear things like Godzilla.

Right. If you're a man divorced me knows I'm a man who's the man, you the man.

So you're divorced Of course. Are you kidding me? Take me on. I'll see you outside.

No man. Lola.

Last one is some homework.

It's called the computer theory. If you read men from Mars and women from Venus, you understand and the course I teach Actually, it's called Home sweet home with a COVID which is Sharla something I will mention later. We talked about this in details. It takes two full days to explain this two full days.

It's, we call it men from Mecca and woman from from Medina.

Same idea.

So we say if I give you a computer,

you haven't been exposed to computers before. This is your first computer. Congratulations. There you go. What's your name?

Omar. Holy Roman 11 Mashallah, I was talking to Brother earlier who was 10 years old. Okay, so that's good. That's good. So 11 years old, I'm giving you the first computer.

And I tell you, tell me, you have no idea how to use computers. But that's of course fiction. Because these guys can teach us a thing or two, you know, if I have problems with the computers asked my son, come here, man, what's up with this? Fix this thing?

They know I mean, they're born now with things in there. You know, they're doing everything on that level, but like, so now I tell you, go ahead, use this computer. I have no idea how to use a computer. I tell you, how do you like computers, he feels I'm frustrated. I don't know what to do with this thing. Take it away.

Then I take the computer away. And I tell you go ahead, take a course of how to use computers, I will give you the same computer to go ahead, use a computer, then I will ask you the same question. How do you like computers? You say? I can't live without him? What's the difference? You understood the language of the computer?

You're two different human beings. There are six secrets we'll talk about.

understand the difference between the family, doctor, and so on. understand the differences.

Because you'll understand when you come in things change. Right? When you get married. life will change as you know it.

Let's pretend you know there's a movie out there. It's called Lord of the Rings. Not that I've actually watched it and watch it.

You know, when they put the ring? What happens?

It's just totally different life. Can you imagine? Without asking for us to know all that stuff? rings and all that I'm just giving you an idea. Okay? Don't Don't quote this. You know what this guy said? No, no, no, I'm just giving you an idea. Can you imagine? As you put the ring on as if you're in a whole different world,

different worlds.

You go in a house.

You see candles, scented candles,

flowers everywhere. Weaving baskets, fluffy pillows.

You're not used to this.

your wardrobe will change as you know it.

You will hear this? Are you going to go out with me? Looking like this?

Your filing system change different? Most of the brothers Well, you know, you know the drill. Before we get married? What do you do? We have a filing system right? Your undergarment goes under the bed, your socks go to under that side of the beds and all that stuff it and we have a scratch and sniff system, right? You take the same socks yet they're still good. You know, I can wear them again. Right?

When you get married, they have a filing system. drawers with three.

With labels.

You get confused.

Want to see under my bed.

So things change, things change.

There's so much to share. But you understand these are the six, six secrets that we'll talk about some other time.

Now, put it all together. Now you have a proactive approach, not a reactive approach. So everything I told you today is you should be or must be the one that I told you what to look for in the opposite gender, chama how to enter your life. Believe it or not imagine that the beauty of Islam starts your life in a better

when you enter your home, most of us don't know that. The soudan

who's

sorry, you don't even have the Muslim dude.

You know, you read the book Angelica rose before you enter before you actually enter in this venture.

Life there's beauty of marriage inshallah

you'll find out some certain sin that you take after you get married. What do you do?

You enter your home with which foot your right foot you enter your home with your right foot.

This have seen in the movie I carry the sister over and walk over and push the thing with the foot and crack this open and go

No, no, that's not the sooner you can carry this. I don't have a proof that you can it's fine but May Allah help your back I mean she'll love you

know, of course thanks James. You Do you understand? Because when you get to know the sister and you ask when you get to know ours, what would you like to have for dinner with a shopper? And of course

from there you know, I'm just covering my You understand? Yeah.

What would you like to have for dinner? Honey? Let's just have a salad.

Would you like to drink water?

And the brother starts singing

my heart is aching. My knees are shaking. strew I ain't faking she doesn't eat bacon. What what? Waiter

is the only thing that you're gonna make dude because he doesn't eat bacon.

Of course things change right this sister go wow, eat salad drinks water. I'm talking to 36 hours a day. Oh, wow. That's good stuff, man. After you get married and what happens? Pizza chocolate.

Things change.

May Allah help you? You understand? You understand? So these things of course you get used to and that's your homework. Now to find out the six secrets are the last thing I will leave you with is exact timing. This is the last minute I have with you. The glass lining is that this first name of Allah has an honor to stand in front of you and actually announce that I am one of the tutors and instructors for something called the organising Codelco Institute. Like a member of Institute May Allah bless the brothers and the sisters that working for another miscued. We're also gonna launch here in Calgary inshallah soon, so it's an honor for me to announce here in front of my old hometown

with my friends and my family that will go there will be also launching here soon in Calgary inshallah.

lesego

your way to find

this guy is hired, okay.

Okay, so basically and of course, I'm the director of public relations for mercy mission, which is the umbrella for the whole thing and it's an honor for me, I'd love to be part of this. And certainly, without any further ado, I will ask you to inshallah, don't forget this in your eyes. I will not forget you my dear Angela. In the end. I thank you my mom. Thank you my doctor. Thanks. You know, really, all I have to say is subhanak Aloma Abrahamic, natural Allah Allah He led the Lake desikan located in Santa Monica Mara masala.