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Tips to Raise Children

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Ahmed Hamed

Channel: Ahmed Hamed

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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assalamo alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Karim while he was happy, Germaine, are also Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim Bismillah Ar Rahman AR Rahim. robina habla Minh as vergina was a reaction aparato Aryan wotja Sakina he mama Robbie hubballi mina Salin Robbie Shahi, suddenly were certainly Omri opendata melissani yufka, who Cali, my beloved brothers and sisters, welcome again to our another live webinar on the topic tips to raise children. Well, hamdulillah you being here, a part of this webinar clearly reflects your concern, your care, your focus on raising children. And at the outset, I asked Allah subhanho wa

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Taala to make our children as the coolness of our eyes and raise them among those who are pious and righteous. I mean, yada but I don't mean my beloved brothers and sisters. At the first instance, we need to know why do we need tips to raise children? Why do we need at the outset to talk about this topic? We need to understand this very clear from the core so that we can be clearly you know, defined as to how important for us to focus on this particular topic as a means to gain insha Allah the highest levels of Jenna. Now, why do we need to talk about this topic? Number one, number one, my beloved brothers and sisters, Allah subhana wa tada is the one who has blessed us with children.

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Subhan Allah received among our families, friends, and even you know, the outside people, we know that there are many who do not have children in their lives Subhan Allah, the couples, they do not have children, years pass by 10 years, 15 years, they don't have children and this is Subhan Allah from a lot of Bonanza. So a lot of reasons he says he gives children to, you know, some, he gives, you know, sons to some he gives daughters to some ends to some, he doesn't give, so everything is a part of pest in our lives. So, at the outset, we need to know why we need to raise, you know, children, because obviously, children are a blessing for us from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So we need

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to treat with them and deal with them as the blessing from Allah subhanho wa Taala if it was not from the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala we wouldn't be we wouldn't be having children in our lives. So treat it as a blessing. That is the reason why we need to actually know about this topic number two, obviously the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said

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that every one of you is a shepherd of your flock and every one of you will be responsible for your flock, every one of you will be accountable for your flock meaning we as parents, we'll be accountable for our children. So obviously, it is mandatory for us to raise children who can be a blessing and not pain, inshallah, in this dunya and akhira. That's number two. Number three, my beloved brothers and sisters, we also need to know that obviously children are a means of happiness from Allah Subhana huhtala. But many times if we do not care, well, if we don't, if we do not, you know, a bring them well. Many times they actually become a big test for us. And this is something

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which becomes so difficult for us to deal with. So, this is again, another important reason why we need to know the tips to raise children is because they are a means of happy happiness, and they should be giving those fruits from you know from them in sha Allah number four. Obviously when they're not they are a test for us. We need to know how to deal with that.

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That's the reason we need to know how to raise them up. And finally, we need to actually know the tips to raise children. Why? Because we will be grown. And in this dunya, and in our era through them, what do I mean by this, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, the person's deeds, all the deeds, you know, all of the things will be disconnected the moment he dies, except three. And one of them, he said, are righteous child, a righteous child, who prays for the parents. So when we depart from this world, it is these children who will pray for us. And because of that, after the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Our job, our levels, in general will be raised higher. So why

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don't we invest now to reap up the return of investment in our era insha Allah, my beloved brothers and sisters, these are the reasons why we need to actually talk about the tips to raise children now, how do we do that what should be the approach in our lives to raise you know, children in a righteous way, we need to give them five E's approach, I call it I call it as our five E's approach. Number one is education. Number one is education number through number two is environment, give them that more sphere of righteousness. Number three, is the engagement, you can never ever expect your children to be raised better if you do not get engaged in it, if there is no engagement model in it.

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And number four, is empowerment, empower them throughout their lives. And number five, you do all fit based on empathy, based on empathy. So number one is education. Number two is environment. Number three is engagement. And number four is empowerment. And number five is empathy. When you deal and when you have an approach of five E's insha, Allah you will not lose, you know, your focus and your your your concentration on raising children will not be lost in sha Allah. Now, when I say education, what do I mean by it? You know, when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, seeking knowledge is compulsory for every Muslim man and woman, obviously, in particularly, you

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know, he mentioned about the religious knowledge. So, education tallien is something which we as parents need to focus on our children, right, from the early age. One of the misconception that we carry in our minds is that we think that our children, they start learning, when they actually get into school, that's a wrong perception, we need to change that I want every one of you, myself included, we have to ensure that the moment the moment child is born, right then, or since then, children, they start learning, right learning, not necessarily by saying Olive batarseh or ABCD, you know, or widening Salah No, it's not about just saying, it's about observation. You know, it's about

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listening. It's about feelings. It's about total overall experience that they actually go through. So education has to be the number one approach for us for their upbringing. Now, when I say education, the first in the primary, most things about education is that they need to actually be learned about who Allah is. Now Subhan Allah, many times we act when when when I see the age groups over here on the chat box and Xochimilco head and for sharing the age groups because you know, the idea is we want to help each other. Everyone has a common struggle, no one is an exception. Every one of us are sailing in the same boat of challenges with our children, so we need to know how to

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deal with it and Subhanallah in Islam, we have certain methodologies which fits to different age groups. So level wise tarbiyah is something which is really needed for us to look at. So when we say

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Education, we need to start with Allah subhanahu wa Tada. Make sure that the first word that your and my children they learn, not about nama not about Baba, not about abou not about someone else, it should be Allah preferably and the most importantly, the first word that they should learn by you and me is Allah and Subhan Allah when he starts listening and listening and listening, when you have Quran in your home, and when you are sharing this, you know, again and again, they will basically be raised, you know, with Islam not as a subject, but as a way of life. You know, when La Ilaha Illa, Allah is surrounded,

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you know, with their living Subhan Allah, you will definitely be positive enough to expect from Allah subhanho wa Taala, to raise them in a righteous way. So teach them about Allah. So for example, you know, I have a two year old child, and Subhanallah, when I feed him, when I give him for anything for drink, I make sure that he says Bismillah often, obviously, he can't utter it properly. You know, he's not fluent enough at this age. But I don't give him until he says this Milla in his own style, you know, with Mila, something like that, you know, at least he's hearing, and this is going in his, you know, in his subconscious mind. And he's storing that data, that data

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is being stored again, and again, what you me and everyone is speaking to panela. This also raised as a pointer, a reflection for all the parents. Remember, my beloved brothers and sisters,

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we need to ensure while we do the upbringing of the children, we need to really focus on few things. Number one, watch, watch the words that you use with them and within within the homes, watch the actions that you perform in the homes, watch the reactions that you do in the homes, watch the feelings that you spread in the home, because your children my children, much before we teach them they are also learning by looking at by listening by seeing by observing the entire environment Subhan Allah, so education should be the first thing and among the Education The first thing should be about Allah subhanho wa Taala for those parents who have a liqueur, bigger age group, they need

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to know about Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, teach them in a in a story format about the story of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him the stories of the prophets and the stories of the Sahaba one of the mistakes that we as parents commonly do is that we adopt old methodology with the, with the right content. Remember, in Serbia, in Serbia, in the upbringing, in the transformation of our children, we need two things. Number one is the content, the the content, the subject that we are teaching them and we know it's perfect, we are teaching them as a part of content, the Koran and the teachings of Prophet sallallaahu al Islam, there is no problem for that and more old it is Subhan

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Allah going back to the the time of the profits will allow Alison the more pure it is. So with the content we go back to profit aligned is profit right with the way the methodology that we need to actually adopt should be as creative as we can use to handla use different methods and intracanal are one of the methods is you just you know play something by which listening to they can learn by which seem to they can learn and Subhanallah there are various methods if you look at Google's like for example, one of the philosophers and education educationist that has passed in the Muslim world is Abner Khaldoon was one of the finest you know, authors of various books to handle especially

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focusing on the education how the education must be imparted. So he gave various ways and methods how to children should be taught, for example, some children, they love to draw things and learn some children. They learn to fill in the blank. Some children, they learn with a match of the following some children, they just see it and they learn some children. They learn by interacting some children, they learn by touching things like you know having that kind of aesthetic touch, look and feel. That's how they learn.

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Some children, they learn but while playing, so, some children, they learn in different methods. So, find out what is the interest of your child and route him, direct him in a way that he learns that so learning the stories of the prophets sallallahu alayhi wasallam and the rest of the prophets is definitely an important thing. And third is about the little children also you need to teach them values, that this is good, and this is bad, and you need to do good in order to grow in life, you need to avoid the bad, you give them examples, you give them, you know, examples to their levels, you know, this is how basically, we say, you actually impart the concept of totally the rissalah

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inocula. When your children, they understood that they have to be aware about Allah subhanaw taala they actually learn to, you know, seen and live righteously, when they learn to know the example the role model is profit to the level and insulin, they have someone to, to to look at. And number three, when they know that they will be punished for something that is wrong, and they be rewarded. Rewarding system is very, very important. You know, in Islamic terror via children, they need to know that they need to reward and reward and recognize and appreciate and acknowledge and give them that sense of achievement that they have in their you know, our daily routine. And it's not

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necessary for getting good grades in at the end of the year. They can be appreciated every single day for a simple thing, a simple thing, you know, that you see that is good enough, you appreciate and give them that boost, after giving them the concept of Allah subhanaw taala in their lives, when they instill the love of prophets listen in their lives as a role model, when they have the sense of belief in the hereafter. Then you start teaching them Salah, you know Subhan Allah I asked this question to myself and all of you, my beloved parents, my beloved brothers and sisters, how many of us took time, I mean, I'm talking about quality time. When was the last time we took time and teach

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our children all the aspects of salah

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and it doesn't take more than an hour or two Subhan Allah, you need to teach them by yourself and Subhanallah when you teach, you are the closest hero for them. When you teach, they will learn in sha Allah in a better way because you know them and they know you so you teach them fathers my appeal to each and every one of you mothers my appeal to each and every one of you remember that we can never get strongly connected with our children, if we keep them disconnected with Allah subhanho wa Taala mark these words My beloved brothers and sisters, if you want your children to be the coolness of your eyes, you need to connect them to Allah subhanho wa Taala and Salah does the exact

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thing it's a practical demonstration and experience that they actually feel and they gain through Salah, Salah comes from the root word Salah, it means connection. So when they pray, even the you know, a younger age for example, two years, three years, even five years, although it is not forced upon them, although it is not compulsory on them. But when they see you praying they start learning they don't need to after every single thing that you don't need to fulfill all the pillars because it's not obliged to them at that age but then they learn by seeing you they learn by you know listening and your your teaching to them. So take time to to give them Salah Quran, you know Subhan

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Allah when you teach them. For example, I begin with more essential how in when was the last time you taught them? La ilaha illa Allah Muhammad Rasulullah

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Allah ilaha illa Allah is the basic kalama that we have, how many of us do we actually take time to teach them in particular and Subhanallah we tend to rely on others. For this. We tend to rely on the other you know the shave on the school or the madrasa or something. Remember my beloved brothers and sisters, let us stop. Let us stop. I repeat, let us stop outsourcing parenting. It won't work. It can never ever work. Stop outsourcing parenting. Children are yours. You need to take care of it. I need to take it off. Outsourcing parenting is something which which which leads to fiasco. I mean, it's extreme failure. So we need to ensure that we are the teachers. We

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other leaders, we are the role models, we are the heroes for them. And we need to have that kind of focus for them. Similarly, the Quran teach them you know much before you hire a teacher, you need to teach the basics of it to your children, when was the last time you spent half an hour 30 minutes with your child with a quality, you know, focus, quality time I'm talking about when was it 30 minutes, when was the last time that you sat with the Quran teaching to them Subhan Allah, my beloved brothers and sisters, one of the biggest problems is we have lot of expectations from our children, when we do not have investment in a similar way, when you give the input you will get the

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output in a similar fashion in Japan Allah it comes in a better way why because when you do good, when you seek, you know, that which is good in them, Allah has helped, will surely come. And this is how something which we need to also realize that when you do a little bit, Allah will make it a big thing in sha Allah and the returns are outstanding Subhana Allah, so Quran, Salah, you know it during the time of Ramadan, give them the experience. So education, number one, number one, and obviously with a worldly education, also you there is no harm, they need to excel in both the worlds at the deen the way of life in Islam, as well as the needs to be excellent in their own education as

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well. The methodology, which you know, would depend on children to children, based on their interest, their likes, their you know, minds, so you adopt those methodologies inshallah, so number one is education. Number two is environment, if you give education without environment, children are not going to sustain their learning, meaning they will, they might perhaps learn a thing, but they will not be able to cope up with that for long term, unless there is a environment created for them. So, it's, it's very, very important to create a righteous environment, obviously, we want our children to be righteous, isn't it, you want our children to be pious, we want our children to be

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ethically high in standards, when we want all of this, what are we doing in order to see that outcome. And this is how we actually do it. So we create an environment, we create the environment, which is so supportive for them, that it's added to their education, insha Allah make sure that the conflicts of the couples should be completely avoided in front of children, we know that there might be certain disputes, they might be certain, you know, you know, differences that might happen between couples and this is inevitable, it's unavoidable. Make sure that this is dealt in a separate way, not in from the because the impact that they actually, you know, again, they might not say a

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word, but the impact they actually have, which will be so negative and this will lead them to their destruction. May Allah protect us from that. Number three, is engagement, engaging with them in order to raise them in a better way is very, very important. Subhan Allah, Allah of Buddhism, he mentions in the Quran very, very important thing. Allahu Akbar, my beloved brothers and sisters. Listen to what Allah is. He says, He says, You're Latina, amanu or you who believe in Surah hareem. So number 66 is number six. Yeah, you and Edina amanu who are fusa come, Lee come now Nara, save, protect yourself and your family, your children from the health fire, Allahu Akbar. Now, let me

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remind myself and all of you, most of us, if not all, most of us, we have the perception, we have the expectation, we have the focus on our children, which is limited to this world. We want to give them the best of education. If I asked you or if I asked myself, or we asked each other, we know that they have to be better in living, they will be qualified, they'll have a good job, they can do a good business or they can actually succeed in this life. This is where our perspective ends. But Allah reminds us all you will believe or you believe

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protect yourself and your family, your children from the hellfire. So we need to have the perspective that I am

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have been given my children as an Amana,

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Amana trust and this trust is there with me as long as I'm there or as long as my children are there. So this trust is there as long as I am there meaning as long as I'm alive or as long as my children are alive this Amana has to be taken care completely properly and this Amana will will have to have the vision for this Amana that I need to protect my children ultimately from the Hellfire, what will be the option left for them? Gen nine Shama. If you protect them from the church from the Hellfire, they will be getting into Jenna. So, my objective your objective for the engagement without engagement, we can't protect them. You see Subhana Allah protection is something which is

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very common amongst us right protection. We go for protecting, you know, our homes, we lock our doors when we go out. We do not even share the password for our email ids. We don't share our you know, pin of ATM cards, we don't even share sometimes the the password of our phones, why? We want protection? Well, what about the children? What about the children's asherah? How many of us take extreme care in order to protect our children from the Hellfire every single day, your or my children are going closer to the Hellfire or going away from the Hellfire? The choice is ours? Where do we want to lead them? Of course, I am positive I'm sure that every one of us want to protect our

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children. You know, I would like to give this example for the sake of understanding may a lot of briza protect all of us. But for the sake of understanding, let me give you this example. If you see your children are burning in the in the fund, if there is a fire in your home, what will you do? Will you leave them? Or will you you know do everything possible to do to take them out. Of course, you can't see your children in the Hellfire in the fire in this dunya in this fire is nothing when it's compared to the UN ashira so the amount of care that you have for your children in this dunya you know if there is an alarm in the in your apartment of fire alarm, what would you do, you will

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take your children go, you take your family and go and a lot of research is put on forsaken.

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Nah, protect yourself and your children from the hellfire. So this cannot be done without your and my engagement, we need to be engaged with our children heavily. And Subhanallah this has to be this has to be you know, taken up at the expense of leaving anything that comes on its way LD beat mobile phones beat You know, Friends beat anyone, my priority, your priority is to protect my family, my children from the Hellfire this period, this is it. If anything comes on its way I will remove I will keep it aside Why? Because I can't risk my own self and my children. Right? That's not, you know I meant for are meant for. So engagement engage in in a way that is so you know, keen

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Subhanallah you need to know who their friends are. You need to know what subjects that they study, you need to really select the school that they're going to you need to know what their interests are, you need to understand so you can't get engaged, obviously, if you don't invest time. So engagement is something really, really important. And then obviously the fourth one is empowerment. you empower them, you give them energy, every single day, you give them the sense of growth in their lives, you know, and that is done, as I said, by appreciating acknowledging them, give him them attention Subhan Allah giving them approvals, giving them that sense of affection, that love that

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care, that compassion, and this is the Prophet ik way of parenting. The Prophet parenting was so empowering Subhanallah that he used to be extremely kind to children. He used to be extremely engaged with children used to forgive the entire home being there was full of, of Allah, He used to forget everything when he gets into home and Subhanallah we need to ensure that we engage ourselves with with, with empowerment, the whole idea of education, the whole idea of an of creating environment, the whole idea of engagement is what is empowerment. We want them to be empowered in a way that V

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I can see that they are coolness of our eyes a lot of malaria is is inferior for console number 25 iron number 74 and last subhanaw taala says robina habla Minh azwan Gina was the Rio Tina kurata Aryan what Tina Mama, Allah taught is this drawn to us Subhan Allah, that Allah or our rub, let our you lead from the spouses, you know, we our the coolness of our eyes, and let the generation that is going to come be among the Righteous Among the leaders of the of the pious Subhan Allah, one of the powerful ways of empowering you know, I know every one of us struggle when we deal with our children. The finest ways, as I said, is making the effort as much as we can, by educating them by

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giving the environment by giving them the sense of you know, engagement by giving them the empowerment and Subhanallah empowerment, giving them whatever we can, can never, ever suffice them for their upbringing to be righteous. We need to rely finally on Allah azza wa jal. We need to rely on Allah meaning we need to make Duan a lot of winner is a tortoise to Ibrahim alayhi salam, Robbie hubballi, Meena Salim oh my lord, oh my lord, Grant me, the children were righteous. Were from the righteous, Allahu Akbar. And we know he smiled on a Salaam he came as a part of that that beautiful da Rubble, Rubble. I mean, a lot of Blair is a he's so kind and extreme that he listens to our

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dance, we need to ensure my beloved brothers and sisters, that we make dua for our children. When was the last time that you went into St. Jude and prayed to Raka and went into sujood and prayed exclusively for the betterment, for the better upbringing for the positive growth for the beautiful, you know, upbringing of your children. When was the last time you pray to Raka exclusively for that purpose? Nothing else exclusively for that purpose. You prayed with a concern with a Nia that Allah is the one to help us right. So a lot of Jesus's was telling, you know, be Sabri was Salah, seek the help of Allah through patience and prayer. So when was the last time you prayed when you are in sudo

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you pleaded a lot of binaries. Robbie Hubli masala when, when was the last time and I want you to experience this, my beloved brothers and sisters take time at least once a week once a week. Wake up the last part of the night where Allah azza wa jal comes from the lowest Heaven, you know, the way that suits His Majesty, he comes in he calls out who is there to ask something so that I can give you Who is there to seek forgiveness with I can forgive you. So when was the last time you woke up for that purpose and prayed? Or Allah, I am dealing with my children with so many difficulties. I am dealing with my children with these challenges. These are the obstacles The one who I love the most

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is actually getting distance from me, the one whom I want to be with he is getting disconnected with me, Oh Allah, I am doing everything possible. I'm educating them I'm giving them the environment. I'm giving them the empowerment I'm giving them the sense of you know engagement I'm doing everything your law or a lot of binaries I asked you Robbie hubballi masala he experienced that my beloved brothers and sisters and you will see tremendous results insha Allah be isn't Allah He to Allah as we know what the law he has. Allah's promise is true a lot of Malaysia he says first that he you know, asked me and I shall respond to it, you know a lot of Buddha is that he feels happy

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when we go back to him for our affairs to set it right inshallah. So, empowerment, empowerment is the fourth point or my beloved brothers and sisters, the last he so let me repeat, we talked about education, he education the first environment number three engagement, number four empowerment. And finally, all of this has to be done in an M pathetical manners to handle the empathy having the feeling of each other, put yourself in children's shoes and try to feel how they feel Subhanallah a lot of times we expect from our level we need to go down to their level and understand what what is going on in their lives. You know, we have some children who are above 12

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1516 even 20s understand what's going on in their life Subhan Allah have the sense of belongingness with them in terms of feeling them. One of the common mistakes that we actually do with our children is we try to build barriers between us and them. And this is something which is an obstacle for upbringing, we need to build bridges, not barriers, we need to build bridges, not barriers, meaning you need to give them comfort level so that they can come up and openly discuss whatever they want to and Subhanallah when they get to this level, they would give you and we share with you their problems and Subhanallah one of the most important thing that we need to do today is to listen to

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their problems much before we give them solution, listen to the problems, listen to the issues, listen to what they are going through, and then provide them fine advise solutions and you will definitely see something which can help insha Allah isn't lie to Allah. So my beloved brothers and sisters, empathy, feeling for others, is very, very important when it comes to our approach of their therapy. And a part of therapy is Subhan Allah.

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You know, usually when we want our children to be good, what is its definition of this good in our minds, we need to be very clear, when we say they have to be good, we need to understand that this good, should be defined by Allah subhanaw taala. And when a lot of ERISA defines this good, he made us, you know, very clear in the Quran and in the life of Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the element of goodness, what is this element of goodness is about values, right? Islam is based on value system, what is the value system that we need to have in our lives, and we need to instill in our children so much before we instill in our children we need to have in our lives and the first

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place. One of the common mistakes again, we do as parents is we try to teach which we don't practice. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was an ideal example. We're in North Carolina Hello Tina Aleem a lot of binaries are made him as the highest standard of character, Allahu Akbar, he used to practice what he preached. And he is to live by example. This is something which is absolutely important for us as parents. Number one, we need to have the open mind to learn, we need to have open mind to learn sometimes with our children, you know, from our children, we learn a lot. So we need to be open for learning number one, as parents number two, we need to have the the

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understanding that most of the children, they do what parents do, not what parents say, let me repeat most of the children, they do what parents do, not what the parents say so but just by saying it is not affecting anymore. And I'm sure you will testify to this fact, we need to do what we they want what we want them to do. So we live by example is something which is very, very important. And I'm sure every one of you would agree to that. Now, as I said, What is good, what do we want our children should look like? Right? How do you want to visualize or imagine our children? You know, where we say that yes, this is how I wanted my children to be SubhanAllah. So number one, for that

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we need to really be very clear in what we want to instill in them. So we know that we have to, number one, instill in them faith based values. When I say faith based values, I mean, that they should not have Allah Almighty out of their equation in their entire life meaning, faith is something that can never be compromised at any level. This should be their complete, you know,

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upbringing, right, this should be the revolving thing as I said, if they live around La ilaha illa Allah you would expect that insha Allah they will be obviously, you know, dutiful and respectful to you in sha Allah. So faith based values is what we need to instill what are the faced with faith based values. Number one is consciousness, consciousness. The taqwa of Allah subhanaw taala needs to be instilled in them and this is with three perspectives. We need to teach our children number one in

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Still instill in them, the hope in Allah will instill in them the hope in Allah subhanaw taala. Most of the children when they grow older, they actually tend to lose their faith in Allah because they don't have hope in Allah. They see you being varied. They see you being ungrateful they see me you know are not really fond of, or happy with the situation or patient with the situation. So they tend to lose hope in Allah subhanaw taala we need to ensure when we instill in them taqwa, the consciousness, we actually have to have instilled in them hope in Allah subhanaw taala. On the other hand, we need to instill in them the fear of Allah, you know, it's not just the good news of what

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they do, but it's also about you know, the bad news which is the acts like a caution and Subhanallah when we say you need to instill the fear of Allah, we need to understand what is the fear of Allah and the first instance, you know, Subhan Allah, we know fear is something which people are afraid of. people are worried about people they get scared about, right? So the fear of people fear of things, they actually take you away from that person or thing, but the fear of Allah is very beautiful. The more you fear Allah, the more you get closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala. This is taqwa of Allah. You know, when you become more lucky, when you become conscious, when you become

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God, fearing when you become pious, you actually get closer to Allah visa. So this is the perspective that we need to give them that fear of law, meaning you have to get closer to Allah, you don't want to be in the company of shaitan, you know, because shaytan plays into ways he plays number one in putting up shuba heart shuba heart means doubts, you know, you don't have to believe in Allah. You know, I have dealt with some parents who said that, you know, at the age of seven, you know, at the age of eight, at the age of 10, you know, children, they don't have any more interest in Salah. They don't have any, you know, real logical reason to believe in Allah. They don't have

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any sense of belongingness too fast in the month of Ramadan, they don't have interest in reading Quran they don't. Why? Because these things are missing. These ground, faith based values were missing in their lives. And this is how we suffer so, so better to be late than never instill in them these values in sha Allah, the hope, the fear and in center love, Allah loves you extremely teach them that Allah loves you, and this is how they become conscious. So one of the common mistakes that we do in parenting is we try to create fear of us in them. You know, and that's the reason when they see us, they do things in a proper ways. That is the wrong way. And that's not the

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Prophet way of parenting. We need to teach them we need to teach them to fear. Only Allah not the parents, not the grandparents, not the elders, no one. Yes, we they have to be dutiful to parents. Yes, they have to be respectful to the parents. Yes, they have to be honorable to their parents. But fearing having the hersha having the taqwa is only of Allah Subhana husana and the obedience is of Allah and His Rasool that's it. So when they are obedient to Allah, when they are obeying prophets at a level and it's gentlemen following his example, what do we expect? Of course, the second thing that we know a lot of Malaysia mentions in Surah bernisa in Surah, number 17 is number 32. In the

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Quran, he says Raka Raka Allah, Allah, wa bill Valley, Dany Sana, it is decreed upon you that you worship none but Allah and Allah says after worshiping Allah and be dutiful, to your parents, give them the level of ersan excellence, you know, in everything in speaking in, in replying in living, your whole life that should be excellent. But when it comes to fearing a loss, fearing and obeying the commands, it should be only for Allah and His messenger. So we need to give them the concept. We may be there or not. You need to live

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having the consciousness of Allah because you can't hide from Allah anywhere. No matter wherever you go. Allah sees you, no matter wherever you, you know, close yourself in. Allah knows what's going on in your heart, what what's going on, and what are your actions. So Subhanallah taqwa is something which we need to instill in and I'll just read out some of the traits that we need to instill as a part of values. Of course time won't allow

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need to go detail in each pointer, but I'll try to you know, give a state where I feel that the pointer is important, although these are all important things, you know Subhanallah So, as I said, faith based values is number one consciousness should give them the teaching of attitude, you know, gratitude, you know, gratitude is something which is sugar, you know, give them the, the understanding of how they can actually be happy, by showing gratitude, you know, those people scientifically also it is proven, logical is it is also seen, those people who carry the attitude of gratitude, they are always happy, because they are content, they know, you know, they are, they need

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to be happy and satisfied and joyful with what they have. So, when you teach the children, obviously, they don't get frustrated, you know, they don't complain, they don't cry out for those things, which they don't have rather they will shift the focus for what they have. So, gratitude is something which is very, very important humanity, you know, having the calm and beautiful behavior is something which is also very important. Forgiveness, give them the teaching of forgiveness, they need to forgive their own siblings, they need to forgive whom they do whom, who do wrong to them. And this is something they can learn from you practically when you do the same. They will learn from

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you in sha Allah and forgiveness love, you know, profits in the lower end insulin, his parenting, what skills was absolutely marvelous, excellent parenting skills. So Pamela was absolutely compassionate, and and loving to the children. So Subhana love, this is something which is really, really important for us to focus on, give love to them, you know, I want to ask you, when was the last time that you hug your child, you know, in your laps, when was the last time you kissed on their forehead? When was the last time that you hold their hands and went to the masjid or did something engaging? You know, Subhan Allah, we know the example of Ibrahim Ali Salaam, he when was

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when he was instructed by Allah to build Kava, he took the support of food, he took the support of his mind and his cinnamon both the father and son being the prophets of Allah. They built Kaaba, so involve them in righteousness and Subhana. Allah, this is something that comes out when you love them, when you hug them, when you kiss them, and you show them that they are I love you, I love you for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala. In respect them respect in, in the in a very clear, it's clear set boundaries, we need to give them respect as well. morality is something which we need to teach them as a value in their lives. Trust, give them something and let them keep it as a trust and

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you ask them, if that's that's there with them properly or not. So they will start building the trust, you know, you know, for things and they need to have trust in Allah subhanaw taala give them the small teaching, you know, simple examples, you know, the one who is controlling the end pirating. When Allah subhanaw taala says in Allah, Allah,

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Allah, Allah is the is the one who has the power over all things. So logically, my son, whom do you think that you should, you know, put your trust in someone who is absolutely powerful, or someone who has who has no power at all on themselves alone, you know, leave aside, you know, other things and other people. So obviously, he will say, the one who is extremely powerful. So that's how you give them the element of trust in Allah subhanaw taala truthfulness is something which is really, really important value, which is faith based value that we need to instill in them, you know, you, most of the children, they lie, because they fear their parents and not a lot of briza. So remove

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your fear and instill the fear of Allah, they get closer to Allah and they will speak, you know the truth, you have to give them the room to fail in their lives. Let them fail in their lives.

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And you need to push them to come out of that failure and go to the path of success. Let them have the ability to face failure. Why? Because you need to teach them life is a test and test has a nature, which is sometimes you pass sometimes you fail, but your journey, your struggle, you're striving you're trying must continue. So you need to know to get up, not give up. You need to teach them get up. Don't give up. Never give up. Cry. Not but you try every time. Try not Don't cry over things right, but try and you will inshallah survive. So keep praying, keep praying so give them the element of of prayer in their lives. How important

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It is, you know, prayer Salah is something which is tightly connected with our lives as Subhanallah we have apart from the obligatory ones, of course, that keeps us programmed towards righteousness, apart from that, the Salah for everything that we have, you know, so for example, you have Salah to the Hara. So for example, if your child wants to buy something, for example, you know, recently, I would like to share an example of my own son, when he wanted to buy something for him, I told him, you know, you, you, you do this to her, you you pray and ask Allah take counsel from Allah subhanaw taala, whether that thing is good for you or not, so he did, and this is how you actually connect

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them with Allah subhanho wa Taala and give them cooperation, you know, give them cooperation, cooperate with them, have that element of wisdom and care for them. Insha Allah, this is something which is also very important integrity, you know, their own self esteem, they have their own self respect, give them that kind of thing. And sincerity is something which is again, a very high based value insha Allah that we need to give them, give them a deep sense of conviction, you know, yaqeen in Allah subhanaw taala believe in themselves, that they can do it. It's not about scoring good grades, having higher percentage in their in their exams, they need to pass their life exam much

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more than any other exam. So that's how they learn to face challenges in their life. Give them that real time, upbringing, inshallah, you will see amazing results and give them authentic touch, meaning. Let them be who they are. Don't try to, you know, put your personality in them in the sense that sometimes they have their own wishes, sometimes they have their own interests, sometimes they have their own passions to drive, you know, you do not have to I do not have to interfere as long as it doesn't go against the Quran and the Sunnah. Let them drive the lives authentically, genuinely the way they want insha Allah give them the teaching of the value that is repentance, you know,

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there is something called as in Islam, turning back so you for example, you go, you know, to, to to some weight, but you you you realized that no, that's the wrong way What do you do? You take a U turn. So in life mean to take u turns teach them in life, we need to take Newton's every one of us commit mistake, I commit mistake, I have weaknesses, I have shortcomings. And similarly you do so when you do what do you do, you don't cry out of the situation and leave it and give up No, you get up and move where you turn, come back to right path. And that's how you go in your lives. Insha Allah and teach our children the value of asking Allah the habit of asking a lunch and thanking

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Allah subhanho wa Taala for example, you know, we need to have this this element of giving them the as I said, the attitude of gratitude, you know, they need to understand that anything that they are getting is a blessing from Allah, although it is given by us, but we become the agent of giving that you know, we become the means to give to get that, but the source is Allah subhanaw taala let them have this clarity and to Allah they should tank. So, for example, I have a practice of asking my children to you know, do the such such the off shoe Chrono you know, thank Allah by prostrating. So, for example, he passed in the HIV exam, he does the shoe Chrono if he gets anything he does shoe

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Chrono, the sujood is what he gains the momentum and a lot of will is his promises what the inertia curtain

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if you are grateful, I will increase. So obviously the profitable person is the one who invest in in a way where he directly gets from the source that which is increased in sha Allah. So these are some of the values that you and myself, we have to instill in them in sha Allah by which are through which we'll be able to see astounding results Subhan Allah and take joint decisions in life, you know, even if they have to do anything that they want in their lives, make sure that you consult them. Make sure that you talk to them. Make sure that you communicate with them, make sure that you give their or take their confidence in the decision that you are doing. Obviously, we as parents, we

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have a wider perspective, wider wisdom, better knowledge than them, but when you involve them, engage them take their consultation in things that they want to do, or we want to take as decisions

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You know, they will be with that decision. inshallah, for example, when we, myself and my spouse, when we decided to take a break for two years for my eldest child, you know, for his we sat together we discussed, we talk about the good and the bad, the, the, the right way of getting into the consultation to be acknowledgement from from my own son. And then we went ahead and Alhamdulillah This is how we actually have to participate in their, you know, process of taking things together. So, these are the values that we need to actually instill in them. And that's how we can expect something which is astounding, something which is better. So we we visualize a righteous child, we

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visualize a conscious child, we visualize a child with a lot of patience, we visualize a child who is you know, forgiving a child who is with the, with the attitude of gratitude, these are the trades that we will, that this is a process, not a matter. tarbiyah is a process. So it's a long term, everyday routine is a process, not a matter. So it's not a recipe that you go and get from the market and then you give it to your child and then things are done. No, this is a process a part and parcel of a parcel of life, and we as parents also and I would like to conclude with this, we need to ensure that we do not have to give up, you know, our faith in Allah subhanaw taala even though if

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we have a very challenging child, a very difficult choice to deal with never lose hope in Allah subhanho wa Taala la tekna to me Rahmatullah. Don't ever be hopeless in the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala we are doing things for Allah, we are given the blessing By Allah, we need to teach them to live for Allah subhanho wa Taala May Allah subhanho wa Taala make all our children the coolness of our eyes and raise them as the leaders of righteous insha Allah and make them the the the children who can help us even after we depart from this world, in sha Allah, wa Hilda Juana, and in hamdu Lillahi Rabbil aalameen.