Channel: Ahmed Hamed
Day 2 – Top 10 Golden Rules Of Parenting
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Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Karim while he was happy he is mine. I will let him in a shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem robina habla na min as vergina was the regional karate wotja tequila Mama rhombi strategy surgery was silly ambry aka Dr. melissani Yes, who totally my brothers and sisters, welcome again to our second session of how to actually make our children's summer most productive, as discussed, we had covered in day one productivity in an Islamic perspective, what it really means, we had covered what is the, the, you know, this program all about talking about the insights of the
program, we also have gone through the reasons why this program is you know, of utmost importance for us as parents relevant to this time where we are going through summer. And we also talked about how our approach is going to be and in today's session, which is day two, we will talk about, you know, two things primarily
about the golden rules of, you know, parenting now, what we need to also realize is, parenting is a full time job and it's it's not a seasonal thing that we do it in summer and you know switches off for the rest of the time. So, this could be you know, a general guidelines for you know, parenting in general and obviously, you know, when when we actually talk about you know, how to actually perform effective parenting in general, the summer is also included in that. So, that is what we are going to you know, attempt to understand how we can actually you know, make our parenting, effective parenting and these are some of the, you know, golden rules of parenting.
So, I call it as 10 golden rules of parenting now, if you and me would like to actually make, you know, an effective parenting, these are the rules, the golden rules or the 10 golden rules of parenting that we need to actually consider and practice inshallah, in order to gain the fruits from our parents future. Now,
the first thing that we need to, you know, understand and realize as a rule, or the golden rule of parenting is we need to make our children
conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala
This is the most significant aspect of our parenting. And a lot of times this is in a way, you know, missing, we tend to actually make them understand that we are important for them much before anyone and anything, but the matter of fact should be that we need to connect them first with Allah subhanho wa Taala there anyways attached with us However, if you actually make them conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala if they become conscious of Allah, they will be the most productive children and they will be the most obedient children ever that you can see them. Right. So the first golden rule is make them conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala connect them to Allah, show them their
belongingness to Allah subhanho wa Taala Look, my child. Look Abdullah, look Amina. Allah is our master, he is our Creator, it is he who made me as your parent and you as my child or children, if we made them recognize Allah subhanho wa Taala if we discover in them or explore or you know, take them to an insight of who Allah is and develop the sense of consciousness of Allah, no matter where they are, no matter you know how they are, they will always be obedient to you and they will be the most productive Muslim that you can actually see in them. The Productivity comes from Allah subhanho wa Taala obedience comes from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So we as parents should not create a sense of
fear factor between us and our children. Right
We should make them conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And make them you know, realize that they belong to Allah, Allah has given them the rule of a child, and you as a as a parent, and this is our journey of life, and then we are going to depart from this world, when you actually create this mindset or develop this mindset, in your children's, you know, life, you will see, you will see remarkable success in parenting, you do not have to, you know,
you know, influence them in a way to, to expect that, you know, they have to respect you, rather than you make them conscious, they're respectful parents, it will come by default. So, when you connect them with Allah subhanho, wa Taala, Allah subhanahu wa taala will connect them with you, this is how we actually need to look at things. So this is the first Golden Rule of parenting in general. And you know, and that is make them conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala. That's number one. Number two, be an ideal example. Now, we need to realize my brothers and sisters that most of the children, they do what parents do, and they don't do what parents say, let me repeat, most of
the children do what parents do, not what parents say. So there is a natural tendency to emulate or to copy that, you know, closest ones, and the closest one for the children are parents. So, in today's world, we see the kids that are growing up in an environment, they will adapt very quickly and we see it it's no big deal. It's very obvious, it's very natural, they will just copy you and they will do it what you do, not what you know what what you say. So perhaps you say 10 times to them, you know, read Koran read Quran read Quran, but uh, you yourself if you do not do so, if they don't see you doing it, it is quite difficult for them to convince, or to give them a healthy
atmosphere, that they will do it, they'll be either doing by force, or they will not be attached the way they should, when you don't do it. So be an ideal example, father is a hero for the child, mother, she is the most closest and the most ideal for the children. So, you have to actually develop in a sense,
you know, that you become the first ideal for them to follow in their lives
as the closest ones and obviously when you make them conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala you get the example of Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and when they see you doing what Allah and His Messenger has said, they will do it, they are going to just follow it. So instead of saying 100 times, you know, my child do it or my son, my daughter do it, you do it once and they will just emulate you, they will just copy you so effective parenting is essential
is it is essentially achieved when you become an ideal or when you become an example for them to follow. That's number two. Number three, instill in them, Dean. You see when Dean that is Islam is instilled in them, it will enable them to be an ideal Muslim. Right? So an ideal Muslim, he his life is actually governed by the principles just you know, prescribed by Allah Subhana Allah in the Quran and described by Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam in the Hadith, so, ideal parenting the golden rule number three is instill Deen in them when they become a laws, they will become your skin a true sense. You see, when they walk the way of Islam, they will become your asset and they will become
your real true loved ones and the coolness of eyes. That's number three. Number four, respect and make them responsible. A lot of times we see kids you know as invaluable like for example, you don't really respect them. You see them still a kid
You know, and you don't care what he says, or you don't appreciate what he does. So this is a big mistake in terms of parenting, we need to ensure that we start respecting them, we start appreciating them, and we start making them responsible. So there are two parts in this pointer in this for a fourth point or four Golden Rule, respect and make them responsible, respecting them is really, really important. For example, Abdullah comes to you and he says, Look, my dad, I've actually, you know, done something good, and this is what it is. So you, you just don't care, what is this nothing, you know, and, and if you just discard them, they will be disconnected with you,
they will they observe very, very quickly, they have a powerful system that goes in their mind, subconsciously, they are developing, that your pair that his parents are not respecting him, they're not appreciating him. And as a result, it actually damages parenting big time. So we need to ensure that we respect them, and appreciate them, call them in in a nice way, you know, use right words, beautiful words, sweet words, you behave with them in, in a in a way of, you know, how you behave, you know, with respect with someone who is Allah to you, when you have that, that connection with him of full of respect, by by the choice of words that they you that you use, the the way you carry
your behavior with them, the kinds of actions that you actually have with them, the kind of reactions or the responses that you actually give to them, all these things, develop the sense of respect in your mind, and that will be relayed in their minds, and they will become your, you know, ideal children. And that's the effective way of parenting them that you respect them. The second aspect of this golden rule number four is make you know, make, make them responsible, let them know that they have a responsibility to take care, and we'll talk about how you can actually make them responsible in the coming sessions insha Allah be in the later Allah, by the will of Allah subhanho
wa Taala. So but the census, we make them responsible, let them carry sense of responsibility in some way or the other, of course, we can't overburden them, but then in a decent way, with a supportive environment, make them responsible, that is really important. And that's the golden rule number four, rule number five is always do conscious parenting, my brothers and sisters, let me repeat this point, always do conscious parenting.
Conscious parenting is all about you have you you have the sense or you are living in a with a sense that you will be questioned about your kids, they are you're a man. And when the Amana is given, you will be questioned about it, you remember the Hadith which we learned yesterday, is about you are a shepherd of your flock and you will be accountable and responsible for your flock. So, we as parents, we need to be conscious that we our parents, Allah made us and gave us this bounty, this gift of becoming parent, for many This is not there, this is not there. So when Allah gave this bounty, this this beauty, beautiful, you know, you know, asset as children, we need to be conscious
and we need to deal with this parenting in a conscious way. And we need to also understand that inshallah, when we do conscious parenting, we'll be rewarded for it because you know, the the investment with the with the with a continuous return, you know, our children, when we invest in them, they will be our you know, in our our investment, and that will give us the return continuously even after we die, even after we depart. We know that that that there are just the levels of the parents, it goes higher, the more the righteous child, you know, does something good, right. So so it is all about conscious parenting you treat them that you are taking care of them as
a shepherd, you are responsible for them and you will be questioned about questions about them. You will be rewarded for
them as well. So when you have this mindset of conscious parenting, parenting becomes very effective. That's number five. Number six. Number six, parenting is a shared responsibility of father and mother. Now, this is really, really important, a lot of times we see parenting fails because of the imbalance of the roles, you know, or the responsibilities. So father thinks that this is completely the responsibility of the mother, and the mother things that you know, as a father, you should have your responsibility to take care of your child. So there is a lot of imbalance between these two. And as a result, we actually see a failure in parenting. So, understand my
brothers and sisters. In Islam, parenting is a shared responsibility, Father has a role to play, mother has a role to play, the role may differ. But there is indeed the responsibility that is there on both the shoulder. Now, Father might have a different role to play, as he spends relatively less amount of time with children as as compared to the mother. And mother has a different role to play as she invests more time and more, you know, attachment with the children. So, but there is a, you know, a role to play by both the parties. So you just can't outsource yourself as a father cannot share or give the responsibility completely over to the mother and mother, when she becomes
overburdened, she will not be able to carry that the way that you expect her to carry. And at the at the end, at the end, you see no result, no effectiveness in parenting. So understand. And make sure that in order for you to achieve ideal parenting, remember and realize and recognize that this is a shared responsibility. It's a partnership, it's a it's a team work, it's a role that may differ, but the responsibility will remain the same that you have to be responsible for them, you will be questioned about them and you will be rewarded for them. So that's number six, number seven, develop Muslim identity in your child, when you develop the sense of identity, you know, always understand
that they have to recognize their identity and they have to live with their identity, it is granted and given by Allah subhanho wa Taala and this identity will help them to realize certain qualities which are essential for them to be to be productive Muslim and to be a you know, an ideal child for you as well. So, for instance, when you do when you make them realize the identity that they carry, as a Muslim, the Muslim identity, it brings a lot of qualities like for example, truthfulness, trustworthiness, sincerity, gratitude, patience, all these qualities when they actually
are possessed by by your child, as a Muslim identity for example, a Muslim cannot lie a Muslim is always truthful, a Muslim is honest, a Muslim is patient, a Muslim is you know, always tanky You know, he is always thanking people and thanking Allah and being gratitude, the quality of gratitude is always sincere, he doesn't cheat, he said, he doesn't you know, behave in a in an evil manner. So, when he understands that this is the identity I am living with, as a Muslim, then it is it becomes much easier for you to you know, bring bring them up as a as an obedient child inshallah. So, develop in them the sense of Muslim identity. So, that's another Golden Rule of parenting.
The eight Golden Rule of parenting is spend time or quality time with children a lot of times what happens is, we work for them, but we are not there for them. I see love, you know,
people, you know, my clients, you know, some known months, they work so hard and I asked them, Why do you work so hard? They said for our children and and in and very
Surprisingly, or shockingly, they give certain, you know, responses that I didn't see my child, you know, for the past two days, you know, when I'm going back home, they are asleep. And when I'm actually waking up, by the time I wake up, they are already out to for their school. So it's been about two days, I'm actually seeing them and talking to them over the phone and, and seeing them all fall out of love. This is the life it's a miserable scenario, it's actually, you know, a shocker that we have to remove from our our lives and start spending quality time with your children. If you do not give them time, in that particular moment, they will not give you time, when they get older
and older. Remember this. It's quite, it's quite, you know, you know, Barry's saying sometimes that we are not at all there for them. Anytime we're not there to spend special moments with them, we're not there to celebrate their, their, their, you know, winnings, we are not there to appreciate them, we are not there. Because we are busy in somewhere else, especially fathers have to give time to their children, obviously, Mother, you know, she stays with him. And she is with with them and taking care of them. And she's spending time. But the father role is really important in this aspect, in terms of asking them, spending time with them, questioning them, answering to their
questions, regardless whether they are relevant or not. But the kind of bondage that you have to actually build in terms of parenting, by spending quality time with children is really, really important because we need to realize that we don't have to expect results from them. If we don't invest in them, you see what I mean? We cannot expect return from them if we don't invest time in them. So if we really are serious in terms of making them our beloved ones, and coolness of our eyes, we need to spend quality time with our children. And remember my brothers and sisters, time is the key investment in parenting, even if it's little by the father, but then that should be quality
time. So a lot of times what perhaps, you know, you could do, which you know, I sometimes I do it, and I see it's it's quite effective, the moment you get in home, you just, you know, lock your phone somewhere away from you. And just be with your with your kids, with your children with and just give them focused time. That's really important. If we don't give them now, they will not give us in the future, they are yearning for that moment to to spend with you. They are waiting for you throughout the day. And now when you actually come in, you are all you know, stressed up and then you are still inside your office or your profession, and you're still on your phones on your WhatsApp and whatnot.
And you don't give real quality time and you expect them to reciprocate in our nicest way possible. That's not going to happen, it is unrealistic expectations. So we need to ensure that quality time is the key investment in effective parenting.
Golden Rule Number nine keep them in a righteous company, ensure that you have to study your child Well, we need to give them supportive environment, you know, in a way that we should we should understand there were about who that who their, you know, friends are where do they belong? What do they do, how are they behavior, their behavior is and you know in detail in detail we need to study and ensure that we give them righteous company and you know, as we know, a person is known by the company he keeps so if you keep them in evil environment, you can't expect them to be raised as righteous Muslim, it's not possible. So you need to ensure that you invest in them and study their
were about and understand and understand that righteous company for them at this age is essential is essential for effective parenting. So you are engaged and involved with your children in in
This journey of life. Finally, the Golden Rule Number 10 is keep your affection obvious, keep your affection obvious a lot of time, we do not reveal our affection with our kids, we don't really, you know, show our affection in an obvious way. That's not the proper way, we need to ensure that we reveal and we be open, and we be obvious in terms of showing our affection to our children, when they feel and observe that, that that energy, that that vibration, that electric power of love, and affection and compassion and empathy in you for them, they are going to reciprocate in a similar fashion, they will also have that sense of, you know, showing up that affection back to you. So this
is really important, again, for effective parenting. So these are the 10 golden rules of parenting that you and me as parents must implement in order to achieve, you know, some positive results and living from our children.
The second aspect, or the second part that I would like to share in today's session is what are we going to be discussing about, you know, there are five areas of children's development that we actually have summarized their overall development in, if we take care of these areas, we could, we could conveniently say, perhaps, we have taken care of the holistic development of our children. And that's, that's really a way forward for an effective parenting. So the first thing that we need to actually do is we need to define the areas of development, as I said, we will be talking about the five, you know, areas of development. So to begin with, we need to define the areas of development,
you as a parent should sit down and see, okay, so I need to develop my child in these areas. And for your understanding and facility, we have actually defined those areas. So you need to, you know, map up your mind and link up in a way that that receives that energy in it by, you know, taking a focus journey on these areas. So, firstly, defining the areas of development. When we actually see from the holistic perspective, from the religious angle, as well, as you know, the more the more that actually live in this environment of dunya, there are five areas that will help our child to develop in a holistic sense, the first as a Muslim, we have to ensure that as a parent, we should develop
our children. In spiritual development, spiritual productivity will make them stronger and stronger, in an inner sense. So their souls will be will be in a position of serenity and satisfaction and that inner joy and happiness and that stability that they actually gain through spiritual development, we'll help them live in a true sense with happiness internally. So spiritual development is what we have to actually
focus on in our children's development as the first area of development. Number two, we need to ensure that we develop in them morals and manners, we have to ensure and understand that as we know that Islam is a way of life, way of life, it teaches us morals and manners, in detail. So we need to ensure that we develop in them certain morals that they have to carry out in their lives, and certain manners, which they have to actually practice in their lives. So that's area number two. Number three, the area number three is social development, as our children cannot be isolated from this very much society, they have to be a part of the society and give the society back in a way
that most an ideal Muslim gives right. So we have to develop their social skills, their connectivity with others in general. So we'll be talking about the social development in detail as well in sha Allah
nilah hytera By the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala. The fourth area of development is skills development. As we mentioned, our children Alhamdulillah, by Allah's grace, they have a variety of skills, they have amazing skills, the need is to ensure that we make them recognize that you look Abdullah or Amina, you have this beautiful skill in you. And you can actually do much better, you can, you know, showcase your skills, amazingly. And this is a moment of appreciation that we need to give it to them and, and raise them up and build them in their skills. development in sha Allah. The final area of development that we'll be talking about is physical development. When we have
spiritual morals, manners, social skills, Islam includes physical development also as one of the powerful ways that we have to focus in our children's development, we have to really go under, you know, under this area, and see the possibility of development in our children's life in a physical way. So we'll be talking a lot of things in this aspect as well. So this is going to be the, you know, journey in a nutshell, we'll be talking about we have already defined these five areas. So we'll be from tomorrow onwards, for the next five sessions or five days, we'll be talking about each, you know, area
for the day. So for example, tomorrow, we'll ensure that we share with you insights of spiritual development, then we'll move to morals and manners development, then we'll move to social development, then to skills development. And finally, we'll end our journey with physical development. So looking forward, to see you all actively participate in this beautiful journey of making the summer for our children, you know, most productive ever in you know, and ensure that we get real, you know, positive and powerful results by investing in these areas. Insha Allah will be take a leave now, with the prayer that may Allah subhanho wa Taala help us again, to make our
spouses and our progeny, our children. The real coolness of our eyes was Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh