Boys And Girls A Love Story

Abu Eesa Niamatullah


Channel: Abu Eesa Niamatullah

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about logic wassalam

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I'd like to thank the brothers and sisters for being so kind and being so welcome welcoming, rather,

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on my presents, leads. And to be honest, I like

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the exists the home of

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one of my closest to one of my favorite teachers

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Of course, we are in Manchester before excited to come to these, and of course Leeds. You know, they gave us

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as much as the people Cantona Smith,

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which will cover from Leeds and we might reach out to them. And you know,

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so I don't know why people think that's something I can

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the topic of

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talk about boys and girls and men and women and relationships and so on and never actually fails to to arouse the interest of

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wondering we are all ages. Why because love and the

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the emotions that are related to the

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desires. Okay, they are from the strongest emotions possible. In fact, they're a lemma of Islam, when they used to class different actions of the body and different desires and needs, they would put them in order. And in fact, they said that the desire for love or the sexual desire is the greatest and the most addictive desire that that, you know, the body effectively has even more so than food. So if you imagine when you're really, really hungry when you're starving, right, and you know, how desperate you are to eat or when you're thirsty. Imagine that and you can feel that, but know that the desire, okay for love and the desire to fulfill one's sexual desires, right, is even

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greater than that is even greater than that. And those things that, you know, you hear many people when they hear that they responded,

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you know, I haven't become sexually active, I haven't, you know, had any problems so far or anything like that? How can that be the case? How, what's the what's the basis that you're making that one, and in actual fact, this is a misunderstanding from the person who's made this statement, because to say that one has a sexual desire is certainly very, very strong or very, very addictive and powerful, does not mean to have sexual intercourse to, to actually complete that or to know, in actual fact, that means every single little thing, which one will be able to, you know, do or get hold of, or be able to achieve in order to allay some of that desire to take care of some of that

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result, whether that's a thought in the mind, whether that's you know, that you look at someone in Europe, you know, you think to yourself that that person is very nice with chemo, goodness, that's, you know, whatever. And you for example, you look at someone for nominating reassure them, etc, etc, we'll come on to this, that itself is you trying to fulfill this desire that you have.

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And the reality of the shedding of Islam is that it came down, to protect society and to protect people, to protect society and to protect people from one another, our own selves, because we in our own selves are an incredibly destructive force when we left just to go and you know, wrap it around and decide what we should do. And if you look at the the, the the society that we live in today, the so called democracy that we live in today and the rights that we have as citizens today, right, the whole system is based upon the understanding that we should decide for ourselves what we should do what is best what is right for the people. The law is different.

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by the people, right, this is what democracy holds. This is what it believes is the is the, you know, the way of freedom and progression and so on. And, you know, later on Shall I want to look at that, because it is very important in our topic, because, in actual fact, our our misguided believe men, the system has actually caused the entire system to collapse, and especially and permanently without subject, which is, you know, the title, girls and boys a love story. I mean, realistically, you can just take the title away, and it's all about, you know, how to explain the relationship between males and females, you know, what is it that happens? And what is it that Islam says about

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this relationship? And what are we meant to do about it, living in a real world living in a society that we do, because things different from society to society, and hear, for example, in this country, certainly Muslims, the majority of the Muslims in this country are from the indo Pak sub, you know, sub continent as an ethnic origin, an Asian flavor of the Islam in this country affects very much how we understand how Islam. So what I mean is that our cultural upbringing, our experiences with our family that we have, we have, which is of course, Asian, in the main sense, okay, I know that is a few Arabs and so on here, but we're talking in a general kind of sense that

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really flavors and tastes of them and really muddies he meant to go further our understanding of our religion. So what I want to start with, there's a few things I want to talk about, I don't really want to make you into a lecture, I don't like lecturing anymore, used to be something that that, you know, used to be whatever in the back in the day. But I'd rather treat this as a discussion except that you're not allowed to discuss

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a one way discussion.

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But just imagine is a discussion that you can automatically relax, and I feel more relaxed, because I'm just part of this lecture. So and then hopefully, what I'd rather do is what I prefer to do in this music, is that if we can just put a bit of material down on the table, then we'll have an extended question as to where really, the question is answered in such a tool is where the real issue starts to come up. Because there's nothing like everyone's personal specific problems with a person with a potential marriage partner with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, with parents who've been difficult parents who are being forceful, and so on, and so on, and so on. So these areas, which all

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of us recognize as real problems, real painful situations that real people real Muslims are facing today, which either we try and hide, and we try to kind of make it out that it's not happening, or, you know, it's time that we, you know, confront these problems and see what what the Islamic solution is, if there is a solution, because that doesn't mean you know, there's certain things that we may exhibit, that maybe there is no solution for, don't think that the behavior that we see in society and the behavior that we you see upon, you know, yourselves and ourselves that we're exhibiting is necessarily something that can be taken care of, maybe it's a deviant behavior in the

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first place, as a deviant, before behavior that shouldn't be that, but we'll come to, we'll come to explain that as well in sha Allah,

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you know, lost power to Allah in the Quran, if you want to see like the probably the most clearest, the clearest verse of the Quran, where Allah talks about the relationship between man and woman, it isn't sort of a rule when Allah says

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that it he

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as well. And from his side is that he has created for you partners, the test to Elena so that you mean you may dwell and live up to them together with john avena calm and he has placed between you most

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love and mercy in the field. Allah is in the coalmine.

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And in that, surely are science for people who reflect Okay, for people who consider for people who are deep, that want to say something, you know, you know, and that is put in front of us and reciting and so on. It's really, really important really is especially as you know, this, I pulled it from now our group, okay, our group, I mean, that young kind of 20 something

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you know, British Muslim, most important in this country with all the Asian and cultural baggage that we come with whatever. Okay, our group has been transit problems with relating to the Quran. All right, if you want to find, right the reason why we are how we are if we are we can email or weaken the practice of Islam and it is because of

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Our relationship with the Quran. You know, sometimes you have two extremes, right? You have the the kind of the academic, cold, even non Muslim approach, which is, this is a book, it's a great work of literature, it's a great work, and it's fantastic. And we study it, and we read it and we look at it, but we keep that distance from him, okay, we treat it very much as a document. And then you have the very other extreme of that, which something that we're very familiar with, right, our Asian kind of background, where the Quran is, is, is something so, so supreme and so holy, which of course, it says it's the word of Allah subhanho, wa Taala. But so much so that so many millennia, and so many

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hindrances, and so many barriers are put in between us and trying to interact with the Quran. So it's wrapped up in a very, very specific way, and is put as high as possible when is not being used. And it's only ever taken down when you're in a certain fashion. And you must have to cover your head to be different. And you can't be doing this and you must be like that, and you know, you shouldn't be referring to books,

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without will go and listen, then you will find all these little new these little points add up to an idea system, that the Quran is only meant to be used at certain times certain cases to be pulled out to read over someone who's dead, or to read or someone who's born or to bring out some kind of husband or something, or whatever. And so you have these two extremes, that is his approach. And both of them are wrong. And both of them are totally detrimental to the person. That's why you find that these people have no Islam, at least people who think they have Islam also have no Islam, I find that these kind of Muslims from our community, are the ones who deviate most in their

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understanding of, of their relationship with Allah and His messenger. So a lot of it was sender. Aware is that the middle way, and always the middle way is the way that the purpose of Lysander is to be able to have that respect, push the love of Allah, this is the speech of Allah subhanaw taala is to have that respect with this with this book, but recognize that this, this source is our guidance for life, that this is this book is going to show us exactly how to live our lives, and to live our life, not just to achieve a greater happiness involved in the hereafter. But in this

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journey to have happiness in both abodes in the latter world. And here now. And that's the great advantage to being a Muslim. You see, no Muslims, all right, have this very idea, you know, which they make up themselves, of course, that we're really miserable as being Muslim. You know, really, you know, they think that you're, you know, you have to change so many things, you have to become strict and you can't do this. And you can't do that what kind of life is this? And here because for them live, all right, the reason that the majority of the people may I don't know how you interact with, but you find that a lot of them, you know, if you start to discuss with them and debate with

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them, you know about life and God and the meaning of things. And so you find out that they're fully receptive. And you find that I mean, I'm speaking about myself, I mean, I can speak to a non Muslim a day, I can say that 90% of the people that I speak to, and by the day, agreeing with whatever I've said to put to them in terms of that there should be a purpose for life, and that can you possibly refute the irresistible fact that there is a creator, and that he needs to that that's your need, is to recognize him and to understand your role to him. So they agree. So then, you know, you're going to edit what next year, but you know, in our case, this is what stops them the love of this life,

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the fear of committing to something which they just so they're so afraid of, they're so honest, is really sad, actually. It's funny, and it's sad, that they really believe that, you know, it's alive and they see only live once and you know, can it happen again, you know, they start to laugh and joke about Hellfire, and heaven has, like the job has had a treat. And they said, well, Kira, oh well, you know, so I'm going to help me nice enjoy it. Now. You know, this is the kind of understanding and wisdom is like, you know,

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coming from, you know, becoming committing yourself to a loss, or becoming unlisted does not suddenly mean that your life is going to end now. And that's the only way it's not going to end now to achieve real true happiness. To be able to be you know, connected with your religion is to execute the program properly. And part of treating the program properly is when a loss of contact addresses the Muslim guiding us that we should listen very, very carefully. Because this is not just me speaking to you or your father speaking to your friend speaking to you or your whatever. This is the Lord and the creator of the universe, speaking to you, me and you as an individual, every single

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idea that you speak, that is the way that it has been transmitted as he put up his Salah, and then to breed Allah His Salah, then when Mohammed Salah is lm at the multiply, send them out the Sahaba Sahaba

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To the library, and in this insula is continuous change, it has come down to us in a direct fashion. So it's a loss of contact and a continual change of dresses, every single person. So when you listen to the foreigner, you have to put yourself in this position, I am now being addressed. And I am now asked to think the Quran is known for shadow people, if your shadow then go find another religion, because this theme is not how shallow people think people, dense people that people narrow people know, in this Quran is signs for all four people who want to waste of time to run like robots, who are zombies? No, yet.

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They are constantly thinking constantly reflecting, constantly looking at themselves, auditing themselves thinking about what they're doing right and wrong. And what can be done better looking at the society thinking, is it good to be is it not good for me? is it helping helping me my progression is helping in the progression of society as a whole, everything matters. There's a significance to everything. And that's why something like this, a title that goes on boys, and then in a normal society would mean nothing. But for the Muslims and be something very, very important, because we recognize that Sharia has put a weight upon the relationship between men and women, the

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Sharia has placed responsibilities upon men and women. And that is something that we have to not only recognize, but try and submit to. And when I say submit to, the reason for that is because it's dealing with desires, it's not dealing with just black and white, A, B, and C is dealing with desires, dealing with things that we really love. And this is very important. Because when you submit to a law that's telling you to do something, when you're trying to accept that something is heroin, for example, that something is not allowed. Right, then you're often telling your mind and your body, right? Well, that can't be done. Because you know, that's, that's just, it just can't be

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done. It's not allowed.

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But when you try to cool yourself, when you try to misunderstand this kind of program, and try to get yourself around it by not understanding the situation. That's what we're going to try and do today to try and understand this relationship. Because the forbidden things, remember this, the forbidden things are very rarely things that are ugly, or undesirable, or you know, or whatever. Rather, the opposite, the forbidden things are incredibly addictive. They're incredibly nice. And they're incredibly desirable. For example, music, that the soul loves to listen to music, that's the nature of music. That's why when you hear just one song, once, you just don't forget it, it just

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sticks in the mind. And this is replaying in your mind all day got that

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that's a horse, or whatever it is, it just keeps playing. And whatever you try to do is is there by its nature is like that. And that's why they used to say that it's the it's the form the whisperings of the devil, and it's from the music of the devil. Why? Because we know the Shakedown is like that as well. shavon is a character who doesn't just go you know, and just like in the cartoons, you know, big red, whatever horns and, you know, don't do this or whatever. But Shannon is exactly how you will not expect to see him. Shannon is everything that you don't believe him to be, she comes to you and says to you or whispers to us, just to you, that wish catches you by surprise. You're not

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even ready for it, you know, you're expecting it. And he whispers and he comes and he tells you things that you honestly believe to be right for you and correct for you and in your interests. And only afterwards you start to realize a whole lot this is not right or this is you know what, definitely comes from guidance. And this guide is of course, what we have to make an effort to try and find and to submit to.

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If you think about this,

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this idea of Allah subhanaw taala where

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he explains Tsukamoto Allah, that the reason that he created hardness is so that they can live together with one another, to enjoy each other's company more than one place between them love adversity, then you know now that this desire that we have is actually something which can be useful benefit. The problem of course, is when we start to abuse what we have.

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Now think about it, okay, everyone here unless that person of course we're Lost Planet Allah have mercy upon because they're the exception in our society of going to university and being young and free and signal versus single single in our society today. How many people have been absolutely pure from you know, coming from

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GCSE is not had the opportunity to get involved and interact with girls and get into interact with, with whatever, and so on and so on. Very, very few. And why is it that, for example, so many women find it difficult to stick to the Islamic ideas of honesty? And why is it that men find it so difficult to stick to the standard of modesty? And why is that? And the reality behind that, and you know, I don't want to this is not a bashing session. By the way, this is not a you know, I'm gonna go over here by ship one visit, wear hijab, bash everyone who doesn't wear beards, but we have to now at least put down the parameters. Okay, what Islam says at the tournament stand? Why is it that

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Islam in itself encodes for these things? Why is it that Islam tells a woman to cover herself? Why is it that Islam asks woman to, to, to to think about the job? And why wouldn't a woman crystal just go to a regular job and do this? Now? What about this stupidity? Why is it that someone believes that the job is not very important for them, or many believes that is important, but can't get over the hurdle? of putting it on us or something? Or, for example, the man believing that, in actual fact, should not have the beard is something which is better than to have the beard? Why? Why does someone do that? And I think if you look at it, and studies actually show that when someone does not

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and this is Islamic

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research, as opposed to just listening this to, you know, blind, academic rubbish from, from, you know, this close, right.

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You know, the reality behind it is insecurity, right, we have a distinct

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state of insecurity with ourselves. I've always been interested inferiority complex with what our religion is telling us. And such a complex is only ever caused, if we honestly believe that the alternative is better.

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Because you can only have an inferiority complex, if you believe you're inferior to something which is superior, right, and you can only feel insecure in a place where you believe everything else is secure. And the arrows, on the other hand, is the Western society that we live in. So therefore, we have suddenly, you know, had this system imbibed into us, we've actually sucked in and fallen for the factor that the woman who is displaying her hand and displaying her beauty is actually you know, the, the secure the stable, the standard model, and likewise, that the man who looks like, you know, the bloke out of the Gillette advert, you know, very smooth or whatever.

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I mean, was was different, I mean, you know, this, you know, that he is the the standard and the secure, and the normal model. So, therefore, hence what the Sundar told us about our women, okay, I want the sinner tells us about the men, all right, that is the is not the norm, that is, therefore something which is going up against society, and in ourselves. Because we have this immense pressure, right, caused by the rest of society, we just don't want to try and go up against the standard. And that's the, you know, I want to tell you, is that you should never underestimate this, this this, this, you know, the the size of this barrier is very, very serious. And all of us were

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there. So, the one who thinks that you can turn to another person and say, you know, why are you just not wearing a job? Why are you not having a beard? or Why are you going out with a girl with a boy, you have to understand that we are severely affected by our surroundings, and by our community, our society is so it's so persuasive. It's so close, and they're very good at being persuasive. Right? Our society is not something like a very, you know, a simplistic way of controlling people, for example, you have in this country, homosexuality, homosexuality is a very easy example to use. If you look back 50 years, if you look back 50 years, when there was no, you know, the idea of

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homosexuality being accepted and spread in society was abhorrent, right, it was something which would not possibly be accepted amongst the people at all. But there were people there who wanted to try and push out the boat rewards to try and make something like that public policy. At that time. They were inferior ones and they were having the inferiority complex, okay, whereas the normal standard of psyche was normal relationships between men and women and so on. So what happened? A few people they put themselves forward, they they put out a few ideas, they suggest a few things. Society comes down on them like a ton of bricks, they will draw back into the into the shadows, and

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then they read everything and then they come back

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A few years later, different people in power, different effects into the media, different kinds of things. And then they promote the ideas again, and a few more people here and he withdraws, the pressure comes down again, and so on. And this, this poses continues. And so you have from just an idea, you have a few people, a few people, you have a group of a group, you have an underground movement. And from an underground movement, you start to then affect and influence people. And that's how democracy develops ideas in society. And that's the inherent weakness of democracy, because it means that one day nothing goes, and then the next day, everything goes because it's all

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going to be down to the masses. So we're going to be down to the people to decide what is right and what is wrong. And that's why Sherry, is so noble. And that is why Islamic law is why Islamic law has its own attraction. That is why actually all religious law has attraction to a certain group, people who recognize that discipline, to recognize a stability in law, that recognize that the Creator is the one who should decide what law should be, that is why this has its own inherent attraction is coming that is building an evil inshallah, one day, people will suddenly realize that without some fixed standards, that yes, mankind is going to go to, you know, to the dogs, and you

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know, you know, go to the dogs, it's really is going to go to the dogs, because our behavior at this moment in time is nothing short, animalistic, there is very, very little difference between our behavior and the behavior of dogs. And animals, because these are the animals, you know, what you refer to animals in this sense is because they are when someone's when you when you first animalistic have acted like a dog, right issue of relationships, what do we mean, they populate in public? They, you know, they, they have assumed that No, of course, and so therefore, when the Muslims when we when, when humans are, for example, being intimate and public, and all the kind of

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facade that you see in a community today as it spreads, okay, I mean, from from man, woman, to woman, woman to man, man, and then you know, there's no barriers left. And you see that such a system, which allows the self development allows itself to regulate itself, okay, such system will lead to only one thing. And the one sacred boundary, which still is his whole day, but just about is that is the boundary between parents and children, I know we're breaking through that we broke as soon as well, they'll be broken soon as well, parents, children, brothers, sisters, the whole issue of incest is being debated now on a daily basis in places like the Netherlands, around these

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primitive societies. And you won't be wrong until a few people start to suggest he was wrong with it was the problem. And people will put up this defense for a period of time, and then you know, they will go, they will know, they will retreat, and then they'll come forward again. And then they'll keep arguing. And I guarantee you the same way that that the sexual kind of permissiveness, society that has spread, and the same way that homosexuality has spread, is the only going to be the same way that incest is going to spread. Why was it done on the basis of well, this person is is, is a is a law abiding adult, and he knows about himself, and he knows his own limits and responsibilities.

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So let him make the decision. That's what it's going to come down to, because that's how they allow sexual permissiveness to be whatever, you know, whatever it is, at the moment, that's how they allow people to become gay. And so they said, Well, no, we can't infringe upon his rights. So he wants to be like that, then let it be like that. So you give me one good reason. one good reason Now, why if a person comes and says that I want to have relations with my sister, why you should stop me. And that's the reality, you won't be if you accept this principle, if you accept this premise, that the man mind knows best, that they're able to decide what is good, that we should then go ahead with it,

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you see the danger of the system.

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And that's why you have to understand the problem of society that we live in. If you understand the undercurrent stuff that controls society, if you understand the undercurrents that determine for us passion, and ideas of looking good and ideas of looking beautiful, and their ideas of how we should walk and talk and how we should appear and how we should dress them and so on how we should have relationships or what kind of relationships and what the means should be and so on and so on. These kind of ideas that are promoted, look very innocent and funny. You know, they look very attractive, you know, Bridget Jones, look at her kind of understanding of how relationships occur. Look at the

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American friends the model, the sitcom, look at the way that is produced and that is shown upon the people as something very hip and very chic and very, you know,

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relaxed and very friendly, and so on and so on. That's the way that these things are put in. It's no point in the harsh realities of what this will end up as. I mean, you know, who are they trying to fool. The Muslims shouldn't be fooled by this. But the Muslims are being fooled by this as well, we are in a state that we are, as well, we have our religion, which is the absolute perfect concert of all, and so all this kind of facade, but the Muslims themselves not willing to take on this solution, I can be matching themselves. And I, you know, I'll be honest with you, I understand why I was like that myself, I'm no angel. I was never a practicing Muslim for my entire life. And I was

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also a person who said, nice thing told to me, a slave to the system, a slave to fashion, a slave to the desire. But then this is what happens, the last partner has mercy upon people, guide people through others, and then they start to think and reflect. And what I just want you to if if there's anything that I do today is just to make you understand that any decision that we we take anything that we do in our society today, thinking that this is quality, or this is good, or this is cool, and this is right. And you're basing that decision on the stance of society, that I just want you to know how dangerous that is, and how wrong that is. And then you're just in fact, you're just a slave

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to a pathetic system, a system which is changes day and night, your passion comes in and goes out and comes in and goes out. And it's all painted, all glossy, it's all load of rubbish. Look at the French sitcom. When I used to watch friends, or how many years ago, they used to be friends, right?

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I know, they're married and divorced, and they've been having affair, every single person has slept with each other. And every single person has a relation to each other. And everything is the classic, you know, classic situation that they're trying to hide, which in fact, is no point hiding, because everyone knows, inside, you know, university is not a classic, you can't when you meet girls, for the first time you start to construct with the other sets for the first time because, you know, you've been at home at school, and you know, the parents have been controlling things and suddenly University Wow, excellent, you know, everyone who's away from home, and, you know, one gets

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out and starts to enjoy this freedom to enjoy, you know, mobile phones and text and MSN emails. And, you know, we'll meet here and next fishes and groups and whatever, your everything is just all about increasing the attraction women, and you just like, Wow, what's your name? Where are you?

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And that that comes down.

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And you just, you know, just kind of like, what do I do now? And you start to increase it. And the classic is you get this kind of pseudo religious ones, right? Good upbringing, you know, they're aware of all these kind of things. But they come into the situation. And they think No, no, you know, no guy, no clothes, not going out to parties, and no playing here or there, what I'm doing a good job of that, okay to do a good job. But they have this idea that you can be friends with a girl. Right?

00:33:01--> 00:33:08

Right. So you see these kinds of girls talking amongst each other as a loser, bloke, you know, who's who's always just a friend.

00:33:13--> 00:33:13

I mean,

00:33:16--> 00:33:34

we're talking about, there's no such thing as a friend between a boy and a girl. And you know, I don't have to prove that I know, I don't have to prove that because every single girl knows that. And every single man knows that. So I'm telling you, all the sisters here, if you have a man who you think is your friend, then though, because

00:33:36--> 00:33:38

it isn't just about you, or your friendship,

00:33:40--> 00:33:40


00:33:43--> 00:33:45

And if you don't believe that, then you know,

00:33:46--> 00:33:49

to open up your mind because he doesn't. Because I know

00:33:56--> 00:34:37

doing this way, this is the reality. This is the reality of relationships. This is the reality of you know, of love. This is the reality of desire is something that we really, we kind of, you know, we think that we're trying to trick someone but we're not, you know, that the desire for love and desire for relationships is incredibly strong, incredibly addictive. And that's why, you know, honestly, so many people believe that they go through life, you know, for University is a challenge. It's a major challenge, okay? And everyone has individual responsibilities, females and males have their own specific individual responsibilities in controlling their own behavior and their own

00:34:37--> 00:35:00

assets. Now, the woman for example, she has certain specific responsibilities, and the man for example, has certain specific responsibilities that that differ. Now you know, that for example, women, their prized asset is their beauty. Okay, the majority of women, the majority of women are beautiful and very proud of it, and some

00:35:00--> 00:35:00

You know?

00:35:06--> 00:35:52

Right, but the majority of women All right, recognize that? And of course they do. And of course they should. And they should be proud of that. But with that beauty comes responsibility because that beauty is the source of your answer is the source of your honor and the source of your respect. And this beauty, Daddy can be destructive, and it can be a blessing. And in his most destructive people's lives, and in his most beautiful and blessed sex, it can lead to the most healthiest of relationships, and cause a nation to develop a nation to flower. And it causes people to become strong, and a good community with a good marriage ratio, and so on and so on. These kinds of

00:35:53--> 00:36:35

concepts need to be fully understood, the amount of responsibility in, in dealing with beauty in dealing with desire, the man's sexual desire is stronger than that of the woman. And therefore, certain restrictions come upon him that are greater or more difficult. And that's why you see this crazy kind of hypocrisy, where all these men that they go around, and I complained to the woman that your job and your hands are covered in your faces and covered and you're this and you're that whatever, and they're just, you know, walking around, you know, with your tight jeans, and a T shirt, and, you know, please shave it with, you know, these new, whatever raises, and, you know,

00:36:37--> 00:37:01

it's only like one way, it's like, one way kind of trumping, and that's just not the case, it's just not the case, people always want to try and upgrade someone else, and don't want to look at their own selves with the whole responsibilities in this relationship, or in this kind of society. That's always the case, naturally, it's been the case, for example, a man will think that he's got through university by not having a specific relationship or not.

00:37:02--> 00:37:14

And you think, you know, I did well, but he throughout the University of New York, his interaction with women with that kind of working or whatever, is doing things which are leading up to such a

00:37:15--> 00:37:36

fast adulterous, adulterous, but a immoral kind of relationship and situation, right, for example, you're looking at another member of the opposite sex. So a man or a woman, it is something which has been restricted by Sharia, it is not an owl to look at survive for so long.

00:37:37--> 00:37:38


00:37:42--> 00:37:44

looking at more than one ms for

00:37:45--> 00:37:46


00:37:52--> 00:37:53

the old joke is every time

00:37:55--> 00:38:01

you know, we have this beautiful, how do you afford to help us by looking over there, but there was no one actually looking for

00:38:07--> 00:38:39

was the purpose of life Olympian? Okay, the prime and dragon with the purpose of life and death. And you know, the one this way and this is, you know, this is beautiful, because it illustrates you that this desire is not a harem desire, or unnatural desire, know, what happens with it is what comes under the ruling of harem, and so on. So there's a bus and he's on the cover of the person lives in them. And this beautiful girl walks past. And she was beautiful.

00:38:44--> 00:38:48

So, you know, I mean, you know, he's so beautiful when

00:38:49--> 00:38:51

the problem right? So the purpose of life.

00:38:56--> 00:38:58

Integration is like,

00:39:01--> 00:39:10

authentic that he was literally trying, and that's just the desire and the purpose of life in another direction, put his hands over his eyes. yadi not.

00:39:13--> 00:39:15

thing I'd say the reason

00:39:17--> 00:39:18

Don't do this.

00:39:19--> 00:39:44

No, no, no, because here we have a situation where we have a natural tendency and inclination, and is supposed to be dealt with. And you know, on the on the issue of looking that's why this is the first look is a look at the first book is something which is a part of Islam. And then the second is that which is why you know when we're doing this, but we mentioned that the first was possible.

00:39:58--> 00:39:59

The understanding

00:40:00--> 00:40:47

care, understanding that the purpose of life and death is trying to teach us but the law on that, okay, the design is there by needs to be dealt with promptly, not like this not here, not now in this kind of scenario. No, this needs to develop and fester in a healthy relationship and not in an illegal an unhealthy way. Single people who are left like this are dangerous, really, they are up, they are out of control. We are passionate, we are desirous. We want to have fun. We had commitment, commitment, long term, you got to be kidding. This is the Bridget Jones effect that woman has honestly she has codify our understanding of how relationships should be here, this non committal

00:40:47--> 00:41:27

kind of idea, you know, programs in all of the most popular programs on TV at this moment, American sitcoms of which are done in a helmet, many, right, they all kind of idolized the idea of women, and they're trying to develop relationships. And you know, the common theme. The common theme that goes through these programs and these kind of theories is that long term relationships that committed committing to marriage and so on, is the big taboo thing, the big No, no, right. That's how they understand that. That's how it's come to be portrayed. And that actually fits in with the general understanding of life. All right, for the West. I mean, for example, look at the, you know, a bit

00:41:27--> 00:42:07

off the topic, the pensions situation, in this country, from an economic point of view, there's a crisis, there's a crisis, because less people are contributing greater numbers of old age pensioners needs to be paid for. And the people who are meant to be supporting an IE us, our generation, were just a few 100,000. And the Muslim community, there's a whole stack load in the northwest community, they're not interested in committing. So they had they had this interview of people on the street professionals, okay, they're 2530 years old, and so on, so on. And so So, have you thought about contributing to a pension or starting your pension? No, not yet. And so when is that, sir? So Oh,

00:42:07--> 00:42:51

you know, when I sit down when I get married until so when would that be 1445 35 what, you know, this is an every person that you ask, same thing, I'm young, no coming, no, don't, don't mention that word. I'm enjoying myself. And this, this kind of this kind of disease has permeated community, that the community and the society and it is the exact opposite to what the Islamic understanding of life is. And that is that every single person, once they start to recognize that their desires are becoming too difficult to control, that they should then get married. That's why the promise hasn't said yahoshua. Yet, oh, young people manage to

00:42:52--> 00:43:27

get into April, which we get from you to have the earnings the ability for a person which then get married, whoever is able, then you have the ability to the financial ability and the the the family structure behind you to do that, that get married. And then why because it is awesome, because it is it is more helpful to lower the gaze to control the desires, why eyed it is more gardening for the chastity saves the private parts, the private part, our desire.

00:43:28--> 00:44:11

Our desires are always referred to as the private parts. In the Sharia, you'll find that three kind of 300 meg block, the kind of illustration, that the private thoughts, whatever the moment that I sort of said, God's will be the truth, and I'll guarantee you paradise, okay, and likewise to things to take the people to paradise, the term and the private parts. And the past does not necessarily mean a physical act, but it means everything which is involved with desire and meeting out that desire in an incorrect way. So the purpose of this is advising us to get married as soon as possible, and that was his sooner in his own family and it was sooner with the companions and he did

00:44:11--> 00:44:17

advise those who weren't able to do what I need to fast, but in

00:44:18--> 00:45:00

focus, that will be for that person, a restraint and a control a barrier for his desires to put up against the the the Society of his own slow upon his heart and upon his his feelings and his emotions. It's really interesting actually, the pretender Aquila, when he was explaining the the wisdom behind fasting. Right. He did say that what what fasts and what decreases the intake of food and water in general, they are the intakes that the intake that's required to keep the body running at optimum speed, then everything starts to then go into a state of homeostasis which is trying to control

00:45:00--> 00:45:46

The body will be less intent. So the he said that the vessels the blood vessels restrict in size, okay? Which is physiologically correct as well. So they restrict in size. And because we know as the purpose of life, and I'm saying that the shape on Yanni he he he flows through the above that the blood of Bernie Adam, okay, he literally flows through through human beings when he's out there to try and affect them and deviate mankind. So he said with me that with the restriction of the vessels with the restriction of the vessel, you're actually restricted, restricted physically almost the movement of shavon, and his ability to affect you. And that's why when someone who is fasting

00:45:46--> 00:46:28

properly I had because these days fasting is you know, seen as something Job Costing is not going to eat, you know, from morning to evening, and accept and check a few dollars in and knock a few pros out. And then fast today. And you know, the reality is, is that it's no different from no different from being late for missing a breakfast, and being too busy at lunch and then having an evening meal as effectively what what the past is becoming today, isn't it? And that's the problem. If we're not concentrating on how we fast and how we understand what we're fasting from, and how we how are we using this tool to control our desires, then we don't get the effect of decreasing sin decreasing

00:46:28--> 00:46:44

desire, decreasing our, our own desire to sell. And that's why it's important to appreciate that is the where our emotions come from, and how they're affected by the rest of society. Really. So.

00:46:45--> 00:46:49

I don't want to, I don't want to really go on because I do believe that the the

00:46:51--> 00:47:01

the majority of issues that we'll want to cover will really be covered in questions and answers, I don't want to get you to lie to me and just keep going back.

00:47:03--> 00:47:06

But I think that was was really important for young Muslims.

00:47:08--> 00:47:15

The second in my own experience, because I am involved in a lot of my own teacher is a judge between multiple

00:47:17--> 00:47:41

people who have marital problems in total. And you know, I won't actually talk about that. Because, you know, we do say that the marriage is the opposite of marriage is the answer. And a lot of people kind of turn around and say, we'll come on, you know, went out into the real world, and how are we going to get married? Right? How are we going to get married? And do you know what happens when we go to our parents and say that we want to get married to so and so and so and so. And I'm not right now, of course, I know. I'm from the same

00:47:42--> 00:48:18

group of people, whatever was been that we all know the situation, all the difficulties and all the stereotypes, and it's all true, isn't it? Our parents want us to be our parents, as well as being the greatest people and putting off the greatest things. They are the same time guilty of the most greatest crimes against us, by forcing women to get married to people want that they have absolutely no desire for absolute attraction for absolutely no compatibility at all whatsoever. And you know, the highest that you hear from the number sense about Muslim women being kidnapped and forced and taken across and so on. So believe it believe the hype, because it's true, because I deal with

00:48:18--> 00:48:58

people who have done has happened to me, they've gone and they're the marriage has been, you know, forced upon them in order to to safeguard, honor and respect. And I put that in the most of inverted commas, like the death of the parents, and to repay family favors, and so on and so on. How sad is that, that one sacrifices once daughter or one son, and they're all consuming life, for the sake of trying to maintain some kind of relationship with a family member, or something like that. But that's the reality, isn't it? That's what we're faced with, when we're trying to get married. These are the problems that we that we have, our parents won't listen to us, when we try and tell them

00:48:58--> 00:49:38

that, you know, this is a, this person is better for me or this person is more appropriate for me and so on. And you know, these situations always need a bit of, you know, give or take, they do need to give better give or take on both sides. I mean, you know, the Asians, it seems like, the only thing that we're known for is that we like to get married to our cousins and things like that. Okay. And the reality, the reality is, is pretty simple. Of course, English language allows that. And often when the parents advise that for us, of them, it's a good thing. There's many benefits in there. And I myself, I'm a proposal guy, I really have because not only does it keep parents happy,

00:49:38--> 00:49:55

but you'll find that there's always an extra reason for the two people to try to make a go of it to try and make the goal of the marriage. And you know, I mean, he is funny, he must have heard the joke. My favorite joke that he has this man, woman and that

00:49:56--> 00:50:00

woman and they're coming out with divorce court, divorce.

00:50:00--> 00:50:08

And, you know, they, you know, she's crying her eyes out, you know, bawling her eyes out. And he goes, you know, don't worry, at least because

00:50:12--> 00:50:29

I love that I really do. Because you know, it's absolutely spot on. There are a lot of us, right. And sometimes that relationship, a family relationship gives us some kind of, you know, added incentive to take care of our problems that occur between Muslim

00:50:31--> 00:50:35

couples, and by the way, have absolutely no

00:50:36--> 00:51:22

misgivings, do you not be naive, the Muslim rates of divorce, at the moment between Muslim couples even practicing is at an all time high. It says, if not, if it isn't higher than that of the Western system that is very close to it. That's just from my own personal observation, I can tell you that every day I will be with my teacher, other people, or every two days, never presiding over divorce between Muslim men and women. So this is no joke, when we talk about marriage needs to be dealt with properly understood, needs to be used correctly, and so on that the man has a responsibility to be able to choose wisely for for his wife. And if the wife has a responsibility to be able to take and

00:51:22--> 00:51:29

accept certain things from the husband, it's very important to make sure that a last that it actually brings fruit, the personalized

00:51:31--> 00:52:14

kinda processing said that a a woman is not a couple things. Okay. And as well as mentioning the beauty and wealth and lineage and emphasizing theme is important that the emphasizing of the doesn't mean that you forget the other factors, does that mean that dimension that just, you know, puts up with marrying someone they don't know that they're not attracted to. And attraction is very, very important. attraction is something which the professor Lysander has not my assistant, or has not taught a system, which is unrealistic, it wants people to be happy, it demands people actually to be happy in the relationship, and the holy is going to happen. If you have an attraction, if you have

00:52:14--> 00:53:02

a, an ability to be able to interact with, with, with with the with the opposite. With this person you're going to spend your entire life would remember, if you don't enter into a marriage, if you decide to keep yourself out of marriage, especially for the males, then you're taking a major risk by playing the single game by playing the market as people are that's the reality. And that's what happens. When was the last symbol they believe in a cow control and the Islamic value start to start to become diluted further and further, then they come under the step of the process? And where is it likely to bow to leverage? I did not leave behind me. A fitna a trial, a test more severe upon men

00:53:02--> 00:53:24

than women themselves. Yeah, the women and themselves whether they like you or not, they are incredibly dangerous. Women. I mean, they're they're the reality. I mean, does that mean that every woman is that kind of scheming kind of, you know, hunting, devil kind of character citizens like that. Yeah.

00:53:29--> 00:54:09

You know, the reality is, is that women themselves have a responsibility. And that responsibility is their own role. But then it turns into the responsibilities of the mind now to deal with the situation and the way that he's been asked to, and the way that he's been recommended to deal with it according to the Sharia. So for example, we have a really interesting narration of Bill here it will show about the major companions on the Supply Center, and he wants to get married. And he went to the premises, I said them, and he had seen a girl and he said, this is the guy that wants to get married to the person. Are you sure? And he said, yeah. I said, Have you seen him properly? So you

00:54:09--> 00:54:48

said yeah, you know, so he could go to her house and asked to see a property piece of property, sit and discuss with her and then see what happens. Interesting is happening, the preferred way of, of dealing with the issue. So he goes, the women showed up to the door, knocks on the door, and the parents open the door, right? And remember the house at the time of the purchase? And I said that if you go to Medina, you see the old kind of poses very small, and our one of our rooms or two of our rooms would be their house, okay? And they'd have normally just one room and then have a curtain that would you know, separate the living to this to the sleeping quarters, toilets and so on would

00:54:48--> 00:55:00

not exist in the outside. So very small, very intimate type of setting. So if you imagine not gonna go right now I can help you. Yeah, I'm here to meet your daughter. I want to

00:55:00--> 00:55:02

America, you know?

00:55:03--> 00:55:05

And so he

00:55:06--> 00:55:10

told me to come and do. And they kind of like, you know, don't think so.

00:55:13--> 00:55:15

And what's really nice is that

00:55:16--> 00:55:22

the daughter, she hears this behind the curtain. And she says, she says to the professor,

00:55:24--> 00:55:24


00:55:26--> 00:55:36

she goes, and then they, they imagine they sat down and discussed, of course, in the presence of the parents, and they were able to develop friendship, and they got married, and mobile, for sure. But they

00:55:38--> 00:55:51

actually have many, many, many people in this lifetime. By the way, when I say many people like to do research, right? It'll make this point more valuable when you find out how many people eventually got married to, no more than four, of course, at the same time,

00:55:53--> 00:55:58

you'll be interested, but was really independent. And if you find out this find

00:56:01--> 00:56:08

out research, okay, if you find out that when he said that he died before he passed away, okay.

00:56:10--> 00:56:55

And he said that this was the sweetest of all my wives, the love that was between us was of the greatest between any of my other wives. And that guy doesn't mean much to people, right? I mean, you know, it wasn't very difficult to be another person. But if you're married to X number, okay, at one time in your life, whatever, then you know that this statement has immense weight. And we actually, we don't even need this statement to prove this to us. Because we know that when the hearts and the minds are in tandem, and they click, then this is going to work. That's why that's why the Sherry avoids and cuts down contact between men and women, and outside without relationship. Why? Because

00:56:55--> 00:57:24

it takes very, very little time and little effort for what many women say, click great. And I really do mean that. And, you know, again, something which I don't need to explain or prove is something which is known by consumer, every single man or woman knows that. That is the greatest sense of excitement, and Buzz, and addiction to be able to relate with, you know, sometimes, you know, women just want to speak to women, but sometimes they want to speak to men.

00:57:26--> 00:58:04

unnecessarily. Same with men, sometimes they want to discuss things with old men, and other times they want to discuss things with women, because of the different kind of relationship that they are able to develop. And that in itself is addictive. And that in itself becomes fixed, often very, very little contact. And that is the reality. And once you get into that situation, and that love divided, and it always does. Don't fool yourself to believe that anything else ever happens, then as they say, love blinds. So once you're blinded by that relationship, then everything else goes out the window, everything parents and friends advice and haraam and hilarity, Allah says the Prophet

00:58:04--> 00:58:45

says, This doesn't mean nothing to you that it doesn't. You can be the best of Muslims, you can be the best of religious people, but it's a matter because once love takes over the whole journey, this thing applies is more correct than what the author of the statement actually realized. Because it totally puts the seat upon the heart, the seat upon the ears, is he the one that is genius, do not listen, the only thing that matters to you is this woman now, and the only thing that matters to her is this man. And it starts to go to stupid levels, where a person is willing to reject his parents and leave the house and run away and leave education and leave the religion leave the religion. I

00:58:45--> 00:59:04

mean, I remember last year, there was a girl who was brought to my attention that she was, you know, she she The same thing happened to her, you know, little bit of fun. So she told me, he said, none Americans, give me advice, please, I'm at home, my parents wouldn't accept it. And I've just realized now that my religion can't

00:59:05--> 00:59:34

help me in this. So I want to become a Christian. I can't. That's where it goes. That's where it ends up. That's what happens. All from just any small interaction. Don't write off the danger, do not because you will not find a more powerful experience and love itself. You will not that's why it's so beautiful when it's dealt with correctly. And that's why it's so deadly when it's abused and not looked at the correct way. And I'm sure that our which is watching

00:59:35--> 00:59:38

right now seems to be saying anything. I should be seeing some people saying

00:59:40--> 00:59:40

no, no.

00:59:51--> 00:59:56

Like I said, I don't want to because it's an introduction. It's been one hour and I'm tired.

00:59:58--> 01:00:00

I don't like to do this before.

01:00:00--> 01:00:21

You're all intelligent people and Sharla you're intelligent people who, you know, it's a, this is a tough talk, which always comes around this time, I don't know if you guys planned it or not, but it's around Valentine's Day, and everyone's into this kind of, you know, this kind of, you know, romantic kind of game together and all the movies are going to come out in the cards are going to come out and all the text messages are flying around in emails,

01:00:23--> 01:00:45

excuse to do something and whatever, everyone's gonna find themselves in an opportunity to take, you know, a benefit to advantage of a situation. So, you know, you're only being told what you know, already showed me, right? We all know that we like to do that. But the reality is, is that we do the reality is that we succumb to our desires. Why? Because it's an incredibly addictive desire. It's an incredibly

01:00:46--> 01:00:53

you know, we you know, to look at another person, it's very addictive to enjoy beauty is very addictive, why is it that that

01:00:54--> 01:01:21

nature is like to enjoy myself and to, to the fruit what you have is very addictive. And it's something which comes very naturally to someone who's feeling insecure with that, which really matters, our chevier our our rule, Pallas pantalla is something which is so natural Sharia came down, okay, to preserve society, if you want to ever understand, you know, if you're doing something you're studying something and said this is this is

01:01:23--> 01:02:04

if you want to try and understand why you will find that all of the individual reasons, the fact down to a central reason that is want to preserve, to preserve society, to keep society running in good order in good function, right as the rule of the road of everything. And so when you yourself, decide to disobey. And you decide to go against the commander of almost Pousada, which is the most natural and beneficial thing for each individual member, it will never ever be something that is difficult for the people, you will never ever be something which is unnatural for the people, rather, it only be something which is good for us. But when you do that, and you go against the

01:02:04--> 01:02:44

system, then not only do you find yourself, but you fail society as well, because society will then feed upon your actions, and then it will have ripple effects upon other people. And it maintains this level of of regression, and regression, regression from chenier aggression against the Sharia and his principles, and then land it being something in line with the new standards of society, which change everyday. Anyway, something which changes today comes back in tomorrow. And so you can think of so many examples. I did. I took a classic example. Like for example, those men who wear

01:02:45--> 01:02:54

their trousers, for example, below the ankles, right, okay, now, the sherea the Chevy requires that a man should have

01:02:55--> 01:03:23

he should have his trousers or once you've gotten like a soldier such as this, above the ankle as the purpose of life and himself, in many having anything which is below the ankles is in the fire. Now, a lot of people, I mean, I don't want to get into the difficulty discussion of this, but what I'm just from a fashion point of view, it was once upon a time where that was really seen as something stupid, right? It was seen as the Mr. Bean look, right? Okay, especially those who are doing

01:03:26--> 01:03:57

whatever, right. But there is a that came into came into society, and not long ago. And still now, actually, where it is seen as a fashionable cut in a suit would be a straight cut trouser, which would be actually above and around the ankle, as well. It's not as fashionable. And so the Muslims were able to wear trousers, okay, I will find no problems. And there was no Baba, and now, okay, the Muslims will be using these kind of, you know, these kind of like longer

01:03:59--> 01:04:06

baggy box things, you know, whatever. They could have shorts, things which come around to here, like scales, things or whatever. And then they've been looking at

01:04:08--> 01:04:20

that and practicing was, you know, who believed that you should keep the bottom of the ankle. And I've been wearing that, and then thinking excellent. And that's fine. Because older societies, youth and young people, they will find that kind of thing.

01:04:21--> 01:04:22

Right, they have

01:04:23--> 01:04:58

to have a showing, it's not a problem. And see, that's the danger if your religion is going to be determined by what your society tells you. And you don't realize that your society is governed by the most pathetic of rules, which is what the people record, which are the people say today and changes tomorrow and changes again, then gentlemen tomorrow, then realize that you just kind of be just like one of these little rubber ducks on the water and you get tossed around in front of you and you have no value you have no worth. That's why when someone does not follow Sharia, they have totally sold themselves. That's why Allah, Allah says that they sold the diversity of Allah, the

01:04:58--> 01:04:59

feminine karela for an increase

01:05:00--> 01:05:43

threadably hexy price and nothing price they sold it there. So there is a they sold the deal. They sold the respect, they sold that which gave them honor, as I said, that could not have been that we used to be nothing. We used to be nothing, nobody's and then Allah, Islam, and then we became honored and respected and men and people with Islam, then we became something that is the way to understand our religion. That is our is our religion is our religion of Allah subhanaw taala, which makes us people it's our obeying the commands of Allah, Allah, which make us know, noble and honorable are people that should be respected. It gives us value, it gives us this kind of reverence

01:05:43--> 01:06:20

that we share, and that the society should recognize. And therefore the one who goes against the system, in whatever sphere of life, whether it's in the way we dress, nor we talk in the way that we believe in that the way that we like things, or the way that we worship and so on, to selling yourself for nothing right before Christ, who can you get for? What did you earn for it? If this dunya was worth anything, then what did you get for it? And when the person on that day when we need our action, when we need respect and honor with that person, look back and say what was it What? What was me displaying myself, I thought I should be working like I should be doing what I should

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and enjoy myself. It wasn't worth it. Was it really worth it? And that's always going to be the question we have to ask ourselves in all of our relationships, and then most of us in this situation. In our current scenario today in university, what is the biggest problem? It really is the biggest problem University as I said before, first time you meet girls and you know, you open up to this whole new world and whatever is problems in addition to the song. I want to stop there, because I set a quorum to talk to you