Boys And Girls A Love Story QA

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Abu Eesa Niamatullah

Channel: Abu Eesa Niamatullah

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Ha.

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While he was like me and my

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question answers, we kind of get free.

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You know, we get pretty deep and whatever the truth people

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you know, then this would be a good time to leave.

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Because, you know, we kind of get explicit and

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no children,

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no children.

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And I apologize to the organizers of the the talk, maybe respond to what you were expecting. In actual fact, I can't remember how I was forced to, to give this talk. I can't really read it, because I made the absolute intention that I would never lecture the subject ever again. And

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the last two years and Backyardigans

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how that happened, where it happened, whatever. And, you know, and I really, I brought up this whole lecture, because I'm just like, you guys, you know, there's, there's no difference. You know, you're my kids. And you're

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ahead of me, you know, and I'm behind. And I just, I just, you know,

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let's take some of these questions in order and so on.

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So, okay,

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how?

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Okay, how should you then go about getting married? looking for the right test? And how is someone supposed to propose to the right, person? Well, there's no, you know, five point plan. Right? She doesn't have a specific set of rules, but has guidelines. Okay. And guidelines are great. And that's the, that's the nsri, of course, because you mentioned if it was specific, any rules that you can only go in this way or that way, whatever. For example, it has to be the man that has to approach you know, these kind of classic things that that women, you know, in our societies, spending time talking about, I can't propose to him is always going to be the man who's going to come with the

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boys who's kind of rubbish, right? Yeah, well, actually is not rubbish, I suppose. Because we can relate to it. Right? I mean, talk about the non Muslims, the Muslims, and Islam, this this guidelines, right? It doesn't have to be Manhattan.

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Open, the reality of it is that

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the guidelines are understood easier by understanding what you can't do, if that makes sense. Okay, so if you know what you can't do, then you know that everything else is okay. So what can you do? You cannot be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Okay, I'm being alone. Right? Is has almost two dimensions. Okay. So two dimensions, for example, would be spending some significant significant period of time conversing in an intimate question with one other person, even if you're in a, like, a public areas just met in a park,

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where there's people playing over there, playing over there, and then you guys are in the middle, right? Now, technically speaking, this is not isolation, okay? because other people can see and people can approach reading time and so on. So if you can run anytime, do something anytime. So isolation is not your technique. This is not isolation, right? So here, but this is not something which is which is correct. Because you're you're making yourself a pseudo isolated kind of state, right. And that kind of recharge in that situation shouldn't occur. And the classic thing, which is, of course, impermissible for you to be isolated in a room or in an area, which does not have access

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to the outside with the member of opposite sex, this is, okay, likewise, to be continuing discussions via other means when a person you're not married to when the discussion goes out of the bounds of the limits of what is necessary. That is also something which is impermissible. So for example, if you send an email to a sister to say that, yes, I will do this work that you said to me,

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that's fine. Alright. Or Yes, I'd like to order something. So I'm Thank you, and there's your best point. But when you start saying, right, yeah, I'd like to order this and that. Hey, that's nice.

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You know, and you know,

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Yeah, I'll get that project done and you know,

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whatever. And, you know, you know, I mean, you know that this explained this to you, everyone knows what you know, you get that feeling, right? Everyone gets that feeling when you're going past what this should be. Everyone recognizes that, and the reason your ears are going red, right? Because they are going to go read that 100 days, our body's natural reaction, when you're going out from when you should be to where you shouldn't be.

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You shouldn't be there. And the reason you're there that's happening is because you've got

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so General, general guidance. Really, that's it. And other than that, you're okay, so you see God in his mind.

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And he says,

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so what does he do, then he should find another person, for example, his friend whose sister knows or whatever, or tells the system, self, whatever, or tells another person who's able to convey the message that social brother is interested in marriage, and then he meet and discuss and see what's happening. And then that would then be arranged through the relevant parties, or should be with the permission of parents, especially in the case of the girl. And the best way, of course, and most normal way, and what was classically understood way that the man approaches the parents, because sometimes it's unrealistic, because sometimes unrealistic, because he doesn't know the parents at

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all. And there's going to be an immediate kind of, you know, kind of thing from the parents. So he goes to an intermediary. So he goes to maybe an elder investigate, or an uncle that knows someone that knows someone bla bla bla bla, who then knows the Father, and then speaks to them so that that initial contact comes from someone that the Father respects, okay. And that's very, very important. Respect is very, very important. So when a young whippersnapper comes and says, you know, what's happening, you know,

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you know,

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I'm not going away, but that's the classical way. That's, of course, in our society. I mean, you know, as a father, whenever I saw someone, you know, get married, and some guy came to my door from our time, I'd love. But I mean, back in the day, of course, it was different, right? When men were men, as they used to say, right, so when man comes to the door, it's not the some, you know, some bloggers from from, you know, from whatever University, but this is a man who has been in the company in the profits of bison, lamb, who is a person who spends his nights praying, who spends his days fasting, who's gone for jihad, and sacrifice his time and his wealth and his money. And that

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was the community. So when Mike comes to the door, then you open the door to him offering

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something, which, of course, is not the case today. So we have to use our initiative. Right. But the last thing that you want to do is to try and contact this go directly, because that only leads to further problems. That is that kind of slippery slope kind of problems that had the beginning doesn't seem like anything, that if he was in the chit chat,

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conversation.

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In the meantime, of course, if you're

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because the question also mentioned, how do you actually get started, what if you don't even have a particular system that you that you've seen, then you are allowed to look at another woman for the sake of marriage, and that was, of course, the opposite. So if you're looking to get married, you are allowed to Catwoman and say, right, you know, whatever, I want to find a person who's religious or to find a person who's active, I want to find a person who does this or whatever. And you put the word out and you look around and you find it and you find the person that you're looking for even you know, the companions you know, the comparison websites and in many authentic narration, you see

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the spider

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so just watch out

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for someone looking

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around because the intention is solely and only for the case that gets this note potentially someone else married, it has to be someone who's been specified what

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we're talking about talking about, you know, this is this is that I'm interested in and just want to just get, you know, a clear idea of what's going on. So you have I wanted to make sure that everything's okay. So I'm married couples find out too often shot together as they are absolutely

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check it out.

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No,

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But, I mean,

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can you explain why? And explain? Explain why, okay, good. The question Why? Why? Because the the job, right? The job is the protection of the of what's good the hour, the outcome, okay? Once our is that part of the body, which can never be seen by another person, okay, now it is divided into two, like soft and hard power, you can almost call it right? Yeah, there are certain things that you know, you have the concept of unknown, right? My hair is that person that you cannot get married to, due to either the family link, right? Because your father, right, because he's your brother, because he's your son, because he's your uncle or whatever, right? So that person, you're not allowed to get

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married to that person. Okay. And likewise, if you've been breastfed by someone, and then a husband, and so the one becomes minor, either by lineage, or by marriage, which is, you know, deep detail.

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Or by breastfeeding, again, detail, these are the people who you can't get married to, if you can't get married to a person, then it means that you don't have to cover as much of your homework in front of them. So for example, classically, you don't need to cover your hair, you don't need to cover your feet don't need to cover your your arms or something like that, you can walk around, you know, pretty much relaxed in the house, okay, but then for the woman that you have some hot area for care of our which is not seen by anyone, okay, now the other women who are neither mother, boyfriends or anything, and that is the private parts and so on. Okay. And that was for the male,

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right, the male has a hard border between his his valuable time effectively and is near the top of the knee, or even half the pie according to most of the this, this part of our app cannot be seen by any other person. Okay. Right. And the exception is for the partner for the one who is married, because there is no hour between the wife and the husband, there is no best and that's the that's the reason. Okay. There is no, there's nothing hidden between the the the wife, and if there was a pretty useless

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kind of marriage.

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So if you wish to get to know someone before marriage, how should you go about acting in accordance with Sharia law? I think that's common. Yeah. I think that's that's kind of question I've been led to believe that you are allowed to interact with a female when necessary. At university, you cannot last the cause without seeking help from some stage. But if you don't make friendship, how is this possible, someone who we regularly meet a clinical example, always greet can be considered a friend is not allowed.

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You know?

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The, the point here, again, it's going back to the the principles in the main talk, and what I just said, Now, that for our need, so for example, the woman was struggling, okay, you have to look at the lecture, you have to take notes down, women who are buying something from a man have to look at the person and deal with it. And likewise the other way around. And so there are many exempt categories, okay, from the normal rules of interaction. So normally, there wouldn't be this discussion that goes on between people, but when there is a need that that happens. And so for example, if you're in a situation, and it's not good, by the way, it's not good if you can avoid

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interacting with a woman in your course. And you can generally, except in a few circumstances where you're forced by random, whatever to, you know, to sit with women. And I can tell you, I can tell you, I went to university, I went to the University of Manchester, Manchester.

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I went to university for years. And I can tell you that I,

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I don't think that I was forced to open the floor for three years or whatever, maybe five times, I think I was forced to interact with a woman in terms of group work or anything like that, because pretty much were given free rein and then other things, things have changed that much. So I think that if you really want to control yourself, whatever and avoid it, and it should be avoided, it should be avoided. There's no doubt about that. But if you need to work together for some kind of reason, then that is miserable. They're miserable, admissible for legal reasons you can work together, but I advise, I only advise you this because I know that is good for you. I know that it's

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good for you because it's what the purpose of life is good for you. And I've seen it myself and people have saved themselves and you know, people and you know, friends and whatever, increase the interaction, increase the time it's an exponential relationship of time together, and desire building. You make the graph. It's there.

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extra minutes.

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One minute, two minute three minute just in a few words, whatever. It's like magic Subhana Allah lo Aki, you know? No, they spent in the Arabs, right? The Muslims with a master with the love doctors, by the way. Right if you want to hear about love, as the beauty of love and romance and and describing women and describing beauty that come into our books come on over the books of poetry and the books of Jenna and the books of Yani describing the world that Joseph

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Smith used to write reams upon poetry about beauty and women and so on and so on. So Danny, we recognize more than anyone else, the power and the the addictive nature of love, the addictive nature of the relationship between men and women, which is why we as much as humanly possible decrease the contract the contract in between, because the economic system is not like the the western order the secular system. We don't try and solve a problem after it's occurred. Islamic system always deals with a problem before it occurs. All right, we absolutely cut off all the possible avenues. So Kissin, for example, the reason there is no case is not any, but it's Xena

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because it is a path to zero. So it's heroin. And therefore, you know, they're looking at therefore that becomes Haram, and therefore that which causes to look more than becomes Haram. And in that which caused you to look even more the cause of that I increased content that becomes heroin. That's how the Sharia operates. It looks our final goal and recognizes, right, that's a problem. Is it real? Yes. How would I deal with it right within a couple of the routes. And one of the possible paths to that problem is how should you deal with it. So therefore, that only you as an individual will be able to know what you're doing is dodging what you're doing is too far what you're doing is

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going beyond the limits, as well.

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That can take footwork, Stephen Colbert can take a photo from your heart, you're in a situation, ask your heart, because you know, and I know, you know, because I know everyone knows human nature, when you are getting into somewhere that you shouldn't be going. Now.

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How would you advise people to go about finding spouses, especially parents expect to or don't mind you finding your partner?

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You know,

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I think that that, you know, once you understand what the priorities are and finding your partner, so if you're a female, then you should be looking for a husband, who is a person of religion, okay? A person of religion, likewise, of course, for the man, that the man or the woman, right, you should be looking for 90% of the, and I tell you why, I tell you why. Because a person can be beautiful, and the person can be rich, and the person can be from a very normal family. But if the dean is not good, that the relationship is going to be on rocky grounds. Why because you want to progress on to you. That's the whole thing in life, you want to progress in your religion, because when you get

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married, I can tell you this, I can tell you this stomach work, right? All my effects are my effectiveness, and Islamic work. And anything that I've been able to study and do, although from one point of view, it became difficult when I get when I got married in terms of seeking knowledge, because that needs to really do very quickly. And,

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you know, I spend a lot of time to, you know, myself and so on. The other things for myself obligations and Islamic work became so incredibly easier when I got married. Okay, so incredibly easy to know that I had the system that I had a that I had the security of being able to come home and making sure that things were okay. And things were sorted for me to be able to refer back in the day. And I think it all of the classic benefits that one person takes from stability of marriage is stability. A marriage is an opportunity for you to do what is most beneficial for you. So therefore, that if you don't have that respect between the two people, and that respect between the two people

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is not going to come because you're looking or because you're wealthy or because you're whatever, but it's because the woman recognizes that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has commanded not to obey a husband. And that led by the other the other way around. The professor has commanded the perfect

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Heroku Heroku the best of you are those who are best for their families. So the process of making very, very clear, the best of you Are those your precedent and

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narration the best of you are

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the best of you are those who are best to to your women. So the police officer has made it very, very clear how the man should treat and act with the woman. So when one knows this from the deed and respects the D, then they need to make a difference.

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So easy for you, they're going to give you what you wish, what you want. Janya making you happy all the time is going to become an act of religious worship for that person. So if you get married to a person who's fantastically good looking like bricks or whatever, but has no respect for the religion, and respect for the religion, I mean, you know, just because he prays or something, you know, just like that, whatever it is not respect for the religion, per se, respect for the religion means that when the standard of service comes, or when the person's name is mentioned in the first is that Whoa, that's the process of licensure. And that's a statement of the law of syllogism, and

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then his demeanor changes, and his priorities change. That's what's got to be done. That's what obligation upon me, that's why I need to do now, a person that you can relate to a person like that, then you can guarantee your future, you can guarantee your happiness, because that person is now under the law of a law. And the law is not as impermissible for him to mistreat you, to make you unhappy to oppress you, and so on and so on. You are protected by this. So if you get married to a person who does not respect Islamic

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law and have the stomach and character, then what do you think you'll get? And likewise for the men, and even more so for the men? Because the men, their greatest problem, is that because of the increased sexual desire, they put an increased value on beauty. And that's just a waste of time. I mean, for crying out loud, how long do you think humans are unreachable for? I mean, really, honestly. I mean, I say this.

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Whatever, right. But, you know, you know, you got married, right? And after a while, she doesn't go back.

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To you, by the way. Yeah, I'm saying yeah.

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Looks because you don't look exactly like Brad Pitt either.

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Because the biggest problem, of course, when the Muslims get married, is that, you know, they just become

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slouches. You know, the way and this and that whatever.

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Disaster you know, you know, when I got married, my weight doubled, doubled, as I possibly can imagine that. I doubled in my weights when I go back over a period of

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three years or something like that. I mean, it's, it's cheap. It is, and Muslims believe that it's okay. You know, because you know, you're doing anything, you're teaching people and you're doing, you're doing this now, whatever you're doing, you're working with a family man, got the, you know, God daughter in the bag.

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You know, I'm saying, Yeah, this whole mentality, how much it starts to kick in, and it's disgrace. It's a absolute disgrace, she deserves you to be in crime. And you guys deserve like to be in prideful for you. But even that, you know, attraction and maintaining a continual attraction, has its own wisdoms, and has its own limits? You know, don't don't think that beauty is that let me tell you something. The majority of people who are still married today is not because the other person's beautiful.

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Do you believe that if you don't believe that, you better believe that? You think that there's not more beautiful woman out there than my wife? You don't think that my wife thinks

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I am. But the reason that we're together because of beauty. And that's what people misunderstand. That's why they say love lies, because it just takes off in the mind takes up the heart and your your senses to start to lose their priorities. So to lose the reality? And how stupid can a person be when they think that beauty is going to be some incredibly amazing concept that's going to keep you fixed and books for the next 50 years? Or whatever you want? And what is wrong with the people who believe like them think like that? I mean, you know, what does anyone need to put the parents

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in their own way, but the reality is, they're still together, they don't create, you know, people like yourselves, because they consider me to be the absolute priority until today, right? And they didn't give you the stable homes in Charlotte that most of us have had, that will give you the load that you have have gained from that and the good upbringing from them that you have, because they consider you to be the absolute priority. Now, they consider things like respect, and parental choice, and religion and future and ability to produce an ability to develop these kind of factors.

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So the reason I mentioned this now and the answer to this question is that the most important thing in trying to find a spouse is to first determine what you're looking for and why you're looking for you're looking for trying to determine your priorities and understand your priorities understand what it is that really you have to hold as important or should be important. And once you understand now that you understand the person that I want should be religious Yeah, good. Okay. Yeah, no ugly, you know, you know, whatever. Yeah, you know, you should be able to support himself and not be absolutely poor. He should come from some kind of good family or whatever. But religion, very, very

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important. You want to personally You know, it doesn't take interest

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Other women that it is maintaining the distance. You see, the industry is like that. Why is a pleasant person is doing that because he doesn't like guilt. There is no single one doesn't like girls, there's no single man who doesn't like the opposite sex. So if you see a person who's doing that is now walking around, whatever, and you know that he is fighting a great jihad against himself. Those cuts him down for the fact that because he's not over you that he's

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rather given respect for that. And I can tell you something, you might or Lucas, Japan as a potential marriage partner at that time. Okay. But maybe you give his you put him down in the next because maybe he doesn't look like the greatest person in the world. But you will regret it so much afterwards, if you want for the better looking less than the person Oh, my goodness, we will you regret it. It goes for both trials. So once you're able to get exactly what you want as a priority, then you just got to move into circles. And then in university is very easy. And you're moving in circles on the sidewalk, and instead of down the masjid, and so on and so on. And you're once you're

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in that circle of learning and conferences and talks and whatever, and you recognize that the only the people that have some interest in their religion are going to have interest in these things. Oh, by word of mouth, you know that he has also started practicing and has been practicing appraiser studies and social rights, whatever, then, you know, yeah, that's the kind of person I'm interested in. And then you start making inquiries and that is how you find the kind of person the spouse that you

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are looking for.

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The smallest who did not get married for the sake of

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for seeking knowledge. Are they guilty of not following the Sunnah, ie deliberately turning away from the sinner? I'm talking lots about relevant and

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who had stayed close with lightship unison.

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Drew Cooley, from Sahara, who

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also

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wrote a book on some of these toilets. Yes, it has been refuted by one of the secretaries. Is this allowed or recommended? I don't know of the reputation of the wood. That was one of my favorites quote is actually,

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you know, first of all, the, I don't know how easily we can determine and make the difference between sets of scholars of getting married and other scholars different times about getting married, and so on and so on. Okay, let me tell you something, there are people, right? If you don't live, if you don't move in these circles, then it's difficult. I'm assuming that this is a system that will be very difficult for you to understand if it's

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still difficult, they don't study. And Okay.

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What else? Would you start getting into studying serious knowledge? Right? Are we talking serious, you know,

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just serious details, right? is like a drug. It's like a drug. I mean, I'm a nobody radio, okay? A very, very small sense of logic. But I know that I didn't have responsibilities of children and work and kids and whatever, what not, what I want to do is to read books all day, every day, and just someone's gonna feed me water and drink and food. And that's a really, I wouldn't want to look at anything else whatsoever. And that's why I think I suppose I mean, obviously, I probably collapse after that. Well, one thing, you know, my desires to be to be met food and sexual urges, and that was, obviously, but the reality is, is that me at this level, I can see I've tasted I've,

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I've tasted the addictiveness of knowledge and the is of knowledge, the respect of one games with noise, internally and externally, then you lift them up to the level of their of their retina, the leaders of this religion, the guides of this religion, to take upon themselves, the responsibility that our culture has praised them for, specifically, in the format for an end to their agenda was pantalla raises that people avoid by grades, by ranked by status, these people have a massively increased responsibility, and an increased reward and honor. And at the same time, the only reason they have this great reward, but they really are addicted to studying. And they recognize that to

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look after a wife, and look after children and look after this will really be a burden and a problem and something that will keep them from actually progressing. Now, that is only going to happen to an incredibly small number of people. And that's why when you go first time in history, even as the system is differentiation between television and Tamia, you'll find in the classic stories 10 2050 100 out of millions, and today, the system is just one or two or three or five or 10, or brother mentioned a few out of the millions of scholars have had in the last one 200 years. So it's always going to be the very small exception that are going to be able to do that. And remember,

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marrying a woman of your marriage is not an obligation, it generally is that it should not but it becomes an obligation if one is not able to commit

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Shoulder desires. So the second that you are having to look longer at a woman, or you are having to look at a woman or

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a man, or you start to have thoughts, or you start to have problems, and you start to have difficulty, that is now that you have now stepped into the harem. That's what the purpose of that for the zoology and get married, get married. And if you can't, then you start passing. Because once that happens, you have to get married. Now that becomes an obligation. And if you can't, it's an obligation, stop asking the question, majority of the scholars an obligation to start passing, once you have that problem, you can't control yourself, you're tough enough on controlling, you can't get married, you have to start fostering. So therefore, the reality, the reasons are clear, they wanted

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to develop their religion, they wanted to save their religion, they wanted to develop themselves and that drug of knowledge took over. But that's an incredibly small minority, which cannot be used for any basis of evidence or use any example for anyone else. Because the example of the syntax for the example of the majority of people and the

00:31:00--> 00:31:01

claim, of course.

00:31:03--> 00:31:42

And you said it is best to get married ASAP. But don't you think there's a maturity level that needs to be reached first, and some learning about the responsibility of it not to be taken lightly? I agree. I fully agree. And our problem, of course, is that we have ages and ages that have been narrated to us from the center when I said that the women were very young, but they were women and men were young, very young, but they were men. Right? And I suppose different. They're taken on responsibility for the home and bringing up people I've had gone, and I've done business and foods and so on, whereas the women had been, you know, getting married and seen life and tough and sorted.

00:31:42--> 00:32:16

And you know, you've seen that if you go back to your own countries, United States, India, Pakistan or Africa, what have you seen in your villages, young girls that you couldn't imagine someone from here who's 10 years old 10, with a teddy bear, and not being able to do anything. Whereas over there, a 10 year old is fully looking at the children going out and working in the houses and painting and sweeping and looking after all the affairs in the home. And in fact, in the Muslim countries, the younger girls in the practicing household is the younger girls are maintained in the house to run all the house of affairs. Why? Because they trust them, they're good at it. And they

00:32:16--> 00:32:41

are too young to be considered to be a crypto for the owner of the house. Okay, so that there's not a minor problem. So why do you think that they use them? And because they are so mature? That's why And naturally, we're in a society where immaturity is the norm, not maturity? The men are just a joke, right? I mean, you look at the look at the times now. A joke, the women, you can't point women, Is this a joke again, as well, when you're comparing it? I mean, it's a reality.

00:32:43--> 00:33:19

Man, so I come up with that thing. And the woman is super accepted. compare yourself to the abilities of your mothers, and then think about comparing yourself to some great, great grandparents and your development at the age that you're in. And it is no comparison, the maturity levels out there. So all of my exposure has been good. We've been brought up concoction rule in this society. We've been growing up in such a privileged position. This is incredible. I mean, you heard the news today, right? That they're worrying about 25 that children are going to be sued having 25 immunizations or vaccines. Okay. 25. And then I go to work today, and I open up the deepening the

00:33:19--> 00:33:58

drug ballot kind of thing in a story, Devon wise, a new project to see Betsy, Betsy, a new vaccine vaccine Do you know is that your mind, this is covered theories covered x y is going that's what I'm you know, what's really interesting is I went on to read this statement of William Thompson, who's the the chief medical officer, whatever. And he had a really pertinent point. He said, we're introducing this. And despite the concerns and the worries of certain groups of people, we are introducing this to ensure that our children have the best possible start in life. And that can be praiseworthy, and is good. But that super protection has caused this kind of this child, that

00:33:58--> 00:34:35

mentality that sticks with us until 15 2025 years old, you don't you couldn't trust the person at 20 years old to go and run the house of business and so on, is that correct or not? And so when you recognize that there is immaturity, then yes, maybe we need to do you do need to slow down and say, Well, you know, I'm mature enough for the other person's potential not mature enough, then you have to take other measures, you have to then start to control your desires more, or you have to start fasting. That's just the reality. maturity is important. It is important, but that does not mean that we should just write off the idea. That does not mean that those who get married young are

00:34:35--> 00:34:46

either the marriage This is necessarily original, because that's not the case either, because many times young people who make this show get married, they become mature very, very quickly. And this

00:34:47--> 00:34:59

is not somehow right, the opposite possibility. It is not quite the opposite possibility. And in fact, marriage and the maturation and the marriage responsibilities, make a person more mature and it brings me to the end.

00:35:00--> 00:35:37

maturity to a person quicker than any other process quicker than any other process. So you shouldn't just right off the bat yet, to show that alpha, no joke along, so and so on, you know, shouldn't get married because, you know, find a person who's good that you see the good in them man woman and then get married to them because that marriage in itself is what companies have to do. And that competing companies are competing how to maturity, because only the mature person has half a religion, because religion is all about maturity. That's why the purpose of Islam said that the only half of your religion is completed. There's a whole link to that maturity itself is found in taking

00:35:37--> 00:35:47

responsibility as a husband as a breadwinner, as a father, as the one who has to now deal with new rulings to protect his wife and the rights and the issues, and so on, and so on.

00:35:49--> 00:35:54

Okay, we're taking questions very, very quickly.

00:35:59--> 00:36:30

Friends, stopping when you said you can't have friends, that is opposite sex interact with each other, especially in university without being friendship friendly? I mean, honestly, I mean, the opposite sex, I really don't believe that no one needs to have a friend from the opposite sex given Salaam Alaikum. Salam, this point, but really, is there a need for us to be friendly, you know, loose with, with other people? I don't even mean getting loose. With the recipe. Is there any real need to develop any sort of relationship with the opposite sex other than what is necessary?

00:36:32--> 00:36:36

can tell me if I'm wrong, really, when writing negative, you know, say, I challenge you at the top?

00:36:38--> 00:36:48

Because I just can't see, I can't see. I mean, I really think but I mean, you know, we have a we maintain a civil relationship, you don't abuse. Secondly, just

00:36:49--> 00:37:04

asked how you all whatever, then that's fine. And in the scheme of things. But as I said, your heart knows, you do know, you're very good judge of your own character is very good judge of your own behavior? Because you know, what you can't do you know what things are getting dangerous? Because you

00:37:05--> 00:37:07

don't read the whole thing again? Yeah, what happens to the body and

00:37:09--> 00:37:17

myself, right? You know, when you start to get that feeling that you're going into the forbidden area, right? You know, that things are getting

00:37:19--> 00:37:33

to, once if you marry, married with two people, what if you're married with two people? Not really, indeed, that one of you comes into his name, but the other is not as willing? What do you do?

00:37:34--> 00:37:39

I mean, I'm assuming that people get married, and was practicing and the other one doesn't, right.

00:37:40--> 00:37:56

Now, this, this, this point, is a real major portion of our time, the real major part of our time. And the younger with the main cause, the main cause is usually the husband, who starts to go and start to practice by going out and studying and going circles, and leaves the garden home to cook the roti and

00:37:57--> 00:37:59

bla bla bla, and during the house,

00:38:01--> 00:38:04

I forget the Hold on, you know, this is I'm meant to go study and

00:38:05--> 00:38:21

you know, learn and you know, go to voting talks, and, you know, whatever. So does she, so does she is what's gonna happen if you leave her to just, you know, wrote by the wayside at home, and you're out there again, was the mob loose and listen to his lectures and the footprints and Brian, who is studying learning about this?

00:38:23--> 00:38:55

What am I doing nothing, right, trying to do the whole thing by itself reading books, and you know, this is something on the internet or something. I mean, come on. So always happens a lot, unfortunately. I mean, I can think of this straightaway, three divorces in the last whatever the person is really practicing the man and the woman and the scheme. She's not practicing. I mean, you can't blame the religion and the husband totally for a woman not practicing. But you can see how it happened with a start up at the same time, they started both not practicing at the same time, I

00:38:56--> 00:39:00

added reason for you to be careful when you get married to your partner that you know,

00:39:01--> 00:39:27

hacking or someone is truly practicing if you're restricted in terms of getting to know them. Very good question. Very good question. And that's why you need to have a very good, a very solid approach to the, to the meetings that you have. And you can have as many as you wish, as long as it's done in the correct setting with the parents. There are other people that ask the question that much. And you don't need to ask everything and know everything. And as I said, you don't need to prioritize certain things that you thought was a priority before.

00:39:28--> 00:39:59

Because these things develop in marriage, as I said, if you think that you're going to go and try and marry someone who's your best friend, because we know that every in and out. The reality is, is that who said that marriages work when the other person or every other person every single ins and outs over the last two, three years of a relationship who said that that's the case, and is greater than those who have gone to extend the kind of content before there's no proof of this statement that you know, you need to get someone knows someone so so incredibly well. No, you don't need to I challenge that. Surely it allows you to make up

00:40:00--> 00:40:07

enough information for you to make up your mind to make that decision and interpret the law. Put your trust in us Pousada. That's the whole point of this is an actual

00:40:08--> 00:40:16

journey make sure you get the provinces first make sure you try and find the priorities you look at the person in seek advice you see people obviously this can rely upon your own

00:40:18--> 00:40:36

ability to see something take advice, speak to their friends and speak to get other people to give you opinions upon you know these people, the families and get other people involved you know, as you normally would do for any important decision, everyone knows that we want to make an informed decision, you will research you will find outside opinions will do you

00:40:37--> 00:40:39

whatever this might,

00:40:40--> 00:40:48

this will be slightly branded, or why is it that a girl may not go to university away from home, ie like away from home, any specific

00:40:50--> 00:41:40

hookup upon a woman traveling, okay, comes under the general precept, precept of Sharia, to try to protect the honor of the woman, okay. Because the woman, especially in society, like today, and even back in the day, getting a woman by herself is seen as vulnerable, I don't think that needs to be proved to anyone at the Sharia requires that the snow takes there is of the woman whether our own women married whatever, or just any Muslim woman, Muslim up from the oma incredibly seriously, for us, every single Muslim on the street, and whatever habit of practicing or whatever is like she, she should be regarded like our system, like our real system. Okay, so anything that threatens her

00:41:40--> 00:42:23

safety, or puts anything that puts her into any form of risk, I remember she is at risk. Notice sometimes that all this risk, you know, of this being attacked, but she's at risk due to her certain inclinations, or certain any weakness in emotion, desires for his or her easiness, for example, to be persuaded in certain ideas, easiest, for example, increased gullibility and falling for someone. And that's a fact, this is something that like you just, you know, this is not the Georgian part, this is the serious part, right? That women themselves, okay, when they fall in love, it happens often easier than the man is deeper than the man. And that means she she's at risk. And she's out

00:42:23--> 00:42:51

there, in a situation where people can take advantage of the men, if the women are now thinking, you know, how patronize it, and how whatever they tell me, I'm sorry. But that's just a reality. If you can't accept that, then fine. Shania says that she believes that the woman needs to be protected. And that's why it requires a mushroom to be available as much as close as possible, someone to look after the needs, and so on and so on. And just trying to to protect the situation. And I only have a few minutes, and there

00:42:53--> 00:43:04

wasn't really No, there was this category of jokes, and he's allowed to shave the beard in Islam, celebrating the jokes, joking is allowed as long as you don't go and do the filthy and all that kind of thing. As for the shaving beards and

00:43:05--> 00:43:11

the shaping, the shaping of a beard is okay for the man. Right?

00:43:26--> 00:43:27

shave shaving.

00:43:33--> 00:43:42

Shaving shaving is what is how long as for trimming and so on and keeping the short head and shoulders permissible, according to

00:43:45--> 00:43:50

allow beer to grow fully right to at least or maybe

00:43:52--> 00:43:53

that is

00:43:54--> 00:43:57

the sooner of the precise enough to keep a tidy trend.

00:43:58--> 00:43:59

And there's no problem with that.

00:44:02--> 00:44:21

Is it possible for a young woman studying to get married and balanced education? Correct? Yeah, I do believe so. It is, I have to say that it is difficult, but it is possible. And they also tune in, for example, certain careers, like, you know, like law medicine, where they believe that they have an extra obligation because there's less woman in that, you know,

00:44:23--> 00:44:59

yeah, fair enough. It's possible argument, you know, not always the case. But maybe if a woman if one particular girl is very talented, and she believes and recognizes her own talent, and recognize that she could become really do some benefit, then you have fair enough that she should maybe then marry someone who has that kind of, you know, requirements, because really, you know, I have no doubt that in my personal opinion, as I said, it's very difficult. I believe strongly that the relationship and that the family will suffer, they really will. Alongside that the need for educated women. And you know, professions can be developed for the women and so on. I wish

00:45:00--> 00:45:30

No, I believe I look at my wife, I look at my wife, and I think myself. And you know, there would be no marriage, if she was working, it just wouldn't be possible. If it wasn't possible for me to continue to do what I do what it because my children wouldn't be possible for my home. And she recognized it wasn't possible, she has absolutely no desire. And actually, when I'm sitting when I'm discussing any Islam, when I'm lecturing to non Muslims, okay, the non Muslim woman is the is the greatest thing that they find about Islam, that they can just say, over

00:45:32--> 00:45:46

and over, especially working women, I think I have been working to get some type of support. And then they recognize that pretended that they always asked me, so he married an advocate dogs and whatever, your wife has never ever worked ever, ever, you know, whatever.

00:45:51--> 00:45:56

The you know, the reality is, is that outside, they see that as well to Panama.

00:45:59--> 00:46:25

Really, right. And so, you know, don't, don't take this lightly about trying to balance careers and professions and thinking that it's going to work in a, in a marriage, I feel I'm very close to bringing in almost every woman to start with the law or the boundaries of religious speech as opposed to it is permitted. Same boundaries apply. Same boundaries apply. As soon as you know that you've got about the necessarily

00:46:27--> 00:47:02

the limits, you've got to put away you're going to stop and there is a very quick and very sudden, so the best and safest thing to do is to transfer over to some of your systems. You have pretty active systems in my entire life, by the way that I've been had something arranged by a system. Okay, this is your university, by the way, take that as a phrase, we'll take that as a dining, take that as a criticism, however you wish to take it, but you have plenty of people to deal with non Muslims and women situations, your women are much, much more active than your men.

00:47:04--> 00:47:31

And actually, from my own experience, and when we have study circles, and we have for example, I teach in Manchester, and we don't make regularly a double album with the men to to what the women are always writing notes, when we go anywhere with the women are always memorizing, always writing everything that they hit, because we're gonna have much more of a full full full photo the for the lesson, and irregularities because they needed more because they have less of an opportunity to have exposure to that

00:47:32--> 00:47:37

opportunity. So make me today these days in the modern kind of thing with women.

00:47:41--> 00:47:49

As soon as you get married, when you don't have any proposals, and you don't want anyone to get married to you and your parents aren't that interested in either, and you have to go through a spring

00:47:51--> 00:47:52

break.

00:47:59--> 00:48:05

I don't think that's the case. I don't think that's the case of a Muslim woman. Really, I go to Allah. And if you're this woman, come speak to me.

00:48:08--> 00:48:12

Okay, I mean that if you really think that you're in this situation comes into my life, and you have a husband,

00:48:14--> 00:48:22

man who will be alone on one to one basis as not, how about internet and chatting people up to this is to summarize what is your view,

00:48:23--> 00:48:47

the My view is that it is one of those interactions that is has its necessity that mimics like the interaction with the speaking on the phone with the internet change, the mode is all the same, you maintain a certain limit. And then, you know, once you've gone too far, you know, you know, some of us have seen the the the I don't promote.

00:48:48--> 00:48:51

I don't I don't promote too much use of the website.

00:48:52--> 00:49:25

I have my own and there's many people who have their own and I'm not into promoting site. So I wanted to tell you about that. There is one site I've seen that has a very funny cartoon of a tower mock MSN conversation between, you know, men and women practicing Of course, I like it because it's so true. Because that's what happens in universities and even men and women who are practicing think that somehow they're, you know, God's gift to Islam and any society come under no kind of fitna or any kind of problem. Right. So they you know, the compensation always in this culture is always powerful the Sister Sister, and brother Abdullah kind of thing, right?

00:49:27--> 00:49:30

In order to do this work, and, and within two, three lines is gone.

00:49:31--> 00:49:32

Really nice.

00:49:33--> 00:49:40

Very, very funny. And then you'll find that on the internet, you're finding all these forms of show that scan your website,

00:49:41--> 00:49:59

as well. If you just see the cartoons, it just illustrates how easily it happened to me that's done in a very funny way. But in a realistic way is true, you know, msn.com these kinds of things, these systems, whatever whatnot, it just like every other mode of communication, really just to control yourself or vice versa.

00:50:00--> 00:50:10

Gives young Muslims who are not in a position to marry but want to want to pass in a solution. Yes, but its effects may not last?

00:50:11--> 00:50:26

Well is a good question as well, to be honest, a person has to have more control of oneself, because fasting is meant to be the absolute end, because a man to be fasting continuously is something, you know, difficult, realistic. I mean, it's something which is,

00:50:28--> 00:50:43

you know, difficult ideas, especially in our country. I mean, everyone's been enjoying short days, and whatever fasting and relaxing and, you know, finishing things, thoughts, whatever. Imagine having to fast continuously throughout the summer, when we don't even know the first time, we don't even know

00:50:45--> 00:50:46

what's happening. You know, the day starts

00:50:47--> 00:51:19

at 910 o'clock. substant hasn't said, and we're still really worrying what's going to happen when Boston comes from the get that time. And it is a difficult thing. To try and believe that the past on a continual basis is the last kind of version, you really have to try. And, you know, as I said, appreciate the danger. One who appreciates the danger and appreciates the wisdom of sharing that danger will find it easier. But can you have to ask for help. And the purpose of having said that, I said in

00:51:21--> 00:51:34

the last three people specifically helped three people, one of them is a person who wants to get married, wants to get married, in order to protect oneself a lot to help stop, you've got to make yourself sincere.

00:51:36--> 00:51:46

And use the means that most to get closer to Allah, Allah in order to achieve that aim, and you will be helped from places that you have not considered.

00:51:47--> 00:51:55

The Help will come from what maybe you'll be put in a position to get married, and then have the story where the last contact will make things easy for you. And then we'll get

00:51:56--> 00:51:59

some help and to finish up.

00:52:04--> 00:52:04

Right, okay.

00:52:06--> 00:52:09

Introduce managers to me over the phone for several months, this simple.

00:52:12--> 00:52:35

Introduced managers talking over the phone for several months before marriage is this simple. I'm assuming that Nika has not occurred, Islamic any contract has not been completed. And it's just a continual conversation. For how long? You know, you know, how long is how long is difficult, by the way, right? This is not something which is wrong. So I don't want to know, I don't want to say this.

00:52:37--> 00:52:42

What I can say, though, is that this is a very important point, I should have made it before the

00:52:43--> 00:52:56

first part, right? That, you know, in this situation is constant contact with the idea that you're going to get married, but you don't have any guarantee of that marriage. And before marriage. The reason why that's a problem is because

00:52:57--> 00:53:36

commonly something happens and the situation itself, or something happens from extending, that causes the whole thing to end. And that's fine. Because you haven't done makeup, right? In a normal classic situation. If you'd had like, the basic level of interaction, the two policies were happening, and then you step back and just look forward to the day of working and getting together and enjoying your you know, your first nights and so on. So on that model compared to this one, where it makes you happy now, potentially, you're going to get married, when you want one group parents are saying, Yeah, yeah, whatever another group is saying no, no insufficient degree, and

00:53:36--> 00:54:09

other ones say blah, blah. And then suddenly, this push down to two, and you guys are constantly compensation. You say no, we're not going to be tough, because that's Haram. But we don't tell these people contact emails or so on, you know, when you keep this contact, right, when you shouldn't shouldn't, this shouldn't be what obviously what happens, the design grows, the love grows, the attraction grows, the friendship grows, grows right. Now, you don't worry, right? Technically, you're nothing. The Children's perspective, you know, people are getting married, and someone comes in the parents decide x times y. And you can think of your own reason for your own reason in this

00:54:09--> 00:54:37

gap. Okay, I can send you that in the last couple of years. I don't know, three, four or five cases I can specifically remember of people that were in this exact situation, the parents that decided not to let the marriage Go ahead. They weren't aware of how much contact had developed in between. and then they were forced to get married to other people forced in a gentle sense, right, with good reasons or whatever. And both of the people are unhappy in their marriage and in secret contact with each other in the new marriages. Is that

00:54:39--> 00:54:59

it doesn't Of course it doesn't. So when you hear Firstly, that can we can they talk? It sounds innocent? Of course it does. There is no major issue and chatting on the phone. You're going to get married soon. When you're looking at your dark side, but looking from this side, and now you realize Actually no, it's not so rosy is that there's a reason why she tries to minimize these interactions because she recognizes the strength

00:55:00--> 00:55:04

emotion, strength of love and lust, desire, you recognize it. And

00:55:06--> 00:55:41

that's why he says, Listen, this channel, children that concept. That's why we try and keep these things separate so that love doesn't develop so that you are able that as soon as you're able to come in, you're impotent walk away as well without replications. So if you don't know, you ruin your own influence and how you record miskeen woman who's just come by you married to you another miscarriage, you ruin other parents ideas and its destruction. That's why I said before the idea of being selfish and not being able to control oneself as a destruction to yourself and destruction to the rest of society as well. That's what people have to understand their responsibilities.

00:55:45--> 00:55:49

Please, could you explain this with regards to the caste system? Many parents hold?

00:55:50--> 00:55:51

Any, you know?

00:55:53--> 00:56:38

The reality is, is that parents have the right to recommend people to get married, and so on and who to get married to etc. But the reality is, is that they can't force you. They can't force you into that situation. And not and I want to say that. Not all the time is their recommendation. Above all say that don't give the parents some credit. I know that a lot of the time they mess things up, right. But a lot of the time, they're looking out for some benefits that you're not seeing due to the maturity and due to inexperience, whatever they've seen, okay, but for a person to be religiously, racially kind of, you know, flippant about things of that class. And, of course, you

00:56:38--> 00:56:38

can't differentiate

00:56:43--> 00:56:43

or whatever.

00:56:46--> 00:56:47

Of course, no space for that.

00:56:49--> 00:56:54

few other questions, which unfortunately, I don't think there's any time that I'm tied

00:56:56--> 00:57:04

up, and like I said, before the fractured nature of the talk because I wasn't looking forward to coming. I really didn't want to do that. And

00:57:05--> 00:57:09

it was really nice to see you like not being taken out two hours of your time or

00:57:11--> 00:57:12

your time. So

00:57:14--> 00:57:14

would you

00:57:16--> 00:57:17

like to help us

00:57:20--> 00:57:25

to maintain our chastity and to maintain purity in these difficult times.

00:57:43--> 00:57:44

Side