Marriage, Love, Sex
Channel: Abdurraheem Green
File Size: 57.08MB
Episode Transcript ©
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flippin ahead. Oh,
es Salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Oh my gosh, starting with technical failures Alhamdulillah but in sha Allah would be in Nila or praise is due to a lot in them hamdulillah NAC mother who in a stain on a sulfuryl when our will be la Himanshu Rudy and fusina woman say a towel and our Molina, but yeah they love all for dinner. Well, my usual follow her de la Chateau La la la. Where should one I'm Hamedan Abdul Rasool. We begin by praising Allah, we praise Him and we seek His help and we ask for his forgiveness. And we take refuge we take refuge with Allah from the evil of ourselves and from the evil consequence of our evil actions. anyone whom Allah guides, no one can
misguide. But anybody whom Allah leaves to go astray, no one can guide and I testify that Allah Allah, Allah, Allah alone, he alone is worthy of worship, and that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is His servant and His messenger. When I say his servant, he means his worship. He is the Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is the worship of Allah and His messenger. So I mean, Allah, the rain, Hasson, you guys, salaam aleikum for joining me, all of you may Allah subhanaw taala bless you, Alhamdulillah for joining me for this Facebook Live. And today, we are going to be talking about some really, really, really, really, really important subjects, we're going to be talking
about marriage, we're going to be talking about sex, and we're going to be talking about love. And each one of them on their own is a massive topic. So my mind has been like ever since I said, this is what I'm gonna talk about last week, my mind has been spinning, like what am I going to say? And but what I'm going to try and do is combine these things together. And to understand my main objective tonight, brothers and sisters, my main object, I have a simple objective tonight. And that is to help you understand why what Islam teaches about these things, is that just totally the right stuff is the right way is the right stuff. And I particularly chose this obviously, because just the
other day was St. Valentine's Day, and Alhamdulillah well done Pakistan, for you know, taking a stand in doing something about this really, really, you know, they dress it up as love, right? They dress it up as love, right. But in reality is just another commercial enterprise. Because in order to express your love for somebody, you have to get them a card, you have to get them flowers, you have to take them give them chocolates, you have to take them out for dinner, like you know, love is all about things after all, isn't it? It's about how much you can buy for a person, right? Is that love? Is that what love is? No, that's not what love is. And it's all about? Well, obviously in the
West, they don't even consider elicit love anymore, right? They don't think that having sex outside of marriage and falling in love with someone outside of marriage is even a problem. In fact, it's the opposite way around. I mean, you know, now it's like, like marriage is the thing. That's the problem, right? And we're going to discuss this, we are going to discuss this because it's not all bad. We can't deny it. You know, this is a very important thing. I want you to understand brothers and sisters, and I'll probably be mentioning this again and again, in my Facebook Lives. One of the things we Muslims get wrong, is we imagine that because something is haram, like everything about it
is bad. It's haram, it's totally bad. There's no good in it. And because something is halal, it's all good. It's amazing. There's just not one single little bad thing. And that is not how it is. And listen, here's the proof. Allah mentions about alcohol in the Quran, that there is good in it.
And there is evil in it, but the evil of it is much, much more than the good. So leave it and this is a very important principle in Islam. Allah subhanaw taala is telling us that we are weighing up that's what we do. There is good and bad in everything that when I say good and bad, I mean benefit and harm. This is relevant already. There's a benefit for us, benefit for us, and there is a harm for us. So alcohol has a benefit. It does it has a benefit. There is a benefit like
If I'm a person who sells alcohol, I sell it and I get some money. That money is a benefit. Okay? The money is haram. Yes, It's haram money and Allah may not pass it. But there is benefit even according to some, according to some science scientists, right? There is a benefit in alcohol in the you know, it does something for your heart and whatever, right? So, okay, we can we can except maybe that's true. But even if it's true, the harm is so much the harm is so great. The harm is so bad, that whatever little benefit there is, it's negligible. It's stupid and not intelligent to drink alcohol thinking, oh, yeah, there's this little benefit when there is this massive harm. And this is
the case with everything in Islam. Right. So this is something very important. We need to understand our youth and need to understand. So let's start with marriage. Let's start with marriage. Is marriage all good? No. Is marriage is marriage, all beneficial? Know, anyone who is married, anyone who's been married, will testify, like how tough marriage is and how many constraints and difficulties it can put in your life? Right? There is no doubt about that. Okay. So marriage, is it all good? No, it's not all good, right? Yet. It is something that the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has told us it's half of our deen half of our way of life. Half of our way of
living. It's half of this religion of ours, half of it. half brothers and sisters think about that half of your deen. Why? Marriage? Wow. That's something we need to think about. Right? Marriage is really, really important. Okay? And the prophets, Allah, Allah and Allah subhanaw taala told us about marriage in the Quran and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he told us he told the youth get married, get married, is told the parents get your kids married young. Right? Especially the girls don't make haste in getting the married. Now, I'm only saying this brothers and sisters to emphasize the importance of marriage. However, I'm going to make a very important line. I'm going to
make some words of caution here. Right? And the words of caution are first of all, right?
This is for you. Primarily, this is part of the problem, right? We have to realize that when we read the Quran, when we look at what the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has told us, we first of all need to think this is for me, this this is for me, this is for me. Right? This is guidance for myself. Not so you can point fingers at others and say, Oh, look at you. You're not married. Your daughter is not married. Your son's not married. Oh, aren't you bad? Oh, aren't you naughty? We love doing that, don't we? Right? We love sitting there in judgment on everybody else. And this is a big problem. This is a big problem. How do you know about people's own situations? You
don't know. Don't be a judge. You know, we don't need to enforce stuff on people. It's enough. Allah says it the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says it. Of course we can advise people if we are the sort of people who have the capability and the knowledge and the insight and the understanding and the hikma and the if lost the sincerity to give advice, right? And we're not just doing it because we want to feel good about ourselves, because that's part of the problem. Right? How often do we give advice to other people? Because it makes us feel good about ourselves? No, no, no, no. So this is very important brothers and sisters, because I don't want this to be a means of making
judgment upon others. This is for you, to act upon it. If that's the right thing, because another beautiful thing if you look in Islam, if you look at the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam, you will always find that yes, although the prophet is telling us to do this, and Allah is telling us to do that. In reality, you will find many circumstances when people come to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and they explained to him, you're rasool Allah, you know, you've said this, and you said that Mike, but my circumstances are like this, unlike that, I'll give you an example. Right? There was one man and generally the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has advised us and inshallah
hopefully it made this is for men and women, right? To you know, for men to, you know, to marry. The Prophet said, Marry virgins because they offer toil, they're more fertile. And part of the benefit of marriage, as we're going to talk about is having children, right, that's a very important major part of the purpose of marriage, right. It's the continuation of the human race and it is a means of huge reward for you and your wife. That is one of the major ways that you will get massive amounts of reward and the extra one
When you get married, and you have kids, and you bring those kids up in Islam, and you teach them about Allah and you teach them about Islam, so when they pray, and when they fast, and when they make vicar and when they give charity, and all the good things that they do and Hamdulillah, you, the parent, you will get rewarded for it. So it's, and when they have kids, and if they teach their kids Islam, you keep on getting rewarded for that, and on and on and on. So it's, you know, because actually really having kids is a form of Dawa. It's a form of tarbiyah your give your image, in a way, Allah has given you these little things, these little sponges, right. And, you know, whatever
you put in a kid's head, that it will absorb it, that's what they're like, if you give them Islam Alhamdulillah they'll absorb it like most of the time, right? But if you give them rubbish, and you give them music, and you give them TV, and you give them video games, and you give them you know all that nonsense, that's what they'll pick up, right? It's up to you. Where's the benefit? The benefit is for you brothers and sisters, this is a mess, or unless given us these beautiful little things, these little kids, they're so beautiful, it gives such joy to our heart. And they are such a great opportunity for award for us. If if if we bring them up in a slam Alhamdulillah so this is kids
right? Now, I don't even remember what I was saying. I'll get so excited about this talk. Mashallah. So I was talking about marriage and the benefit of marriage. Okay, why marriage is so important, and not judging other people. So this is very important brothers and sisters. So a man came to the Prophet sallallahu as of November, so a man came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said, Well, you're assuming that you've given this advice, you know, to marry the virgins because they will be you know, they will have lots of kids. Okay. That's the advice the Prophet gave. He said, But I have brothers and sisters. So and you know, my parents have died. And I have sisters. He
said, No, he has. I think he had three sisters. I can't remember. And I need someone who is more mature, someone who's more sensible, you know, someone who can brush their hair and care for them and look after them. And the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, yes, this is the best situation for you. So you see brothers and sisters, this is very important, right? Because I know that some places some Muslims would be judgmental. Oh, look at him. Look at him. He's marrying a divorcee. Like there's some big taboo in marrying a woman who has been divorced, right? This is not a taboo in Islam. This is taboo in some cultures, some backward cultures, right? They make it taboo. And then
they judge people, and they make all these judgments. And you know, they want to make everyone fit their narrow minded an Islamic type of cultural thinking. Brothers and sisters, you know, we need to get out of this, right, we need to get out of this nonsense. And we need to come back to really understanding what Islam is about Islam is to benefit us in our lives, right? It's not supposed to be like a hammer, or a sword, or a bat that you use to beat people over the head with always slam slam dunk like ISIS or something like that. Right? May Allah protect us, right? No, it's supposed to bring bring light and joy and happiness and balance and harmony to our lives. And it's primarily for
you, that's where it starts, right? You to bring happiness in your life, but everyone has their different circumstances and their different situations. This is why I asked on my Facebook post, do we even need to get married? Well, that may be a serious question. Do you even need to get married? That you can ask that question? Although, you know, I have to say most scholars have said that marriage is something a lot of them have hesitated from saying it's an absolute obligation, right? And yes, there is the Hadith marriage is my son, and whoever does not follow my son is not part of me. But even this is a very strong statement. But even does that mean it's an absolute obligation.
There are scholars in our history who did not get married, and they did not get married simply because they were so busy. And they were so immersed and so involved in seeking knowledge and teaching knowledge that they didn't get married, okay, so that everyone has their circumstances, everyone has their situation. Everyone has their own particular condition. It is perfectly valid for you to ask, Do I need to get married? Is it the right time for me to get married? Sometimes we may feel pressured into getting married when we're not ready. And then there's the other situation, when we're ready to get married and we want to get married but we're being prevented. Maybe the matter is
too high or maybe the attitude in the society. Oh no. You have to go to university. First you have to get your degree. You have to get your house you have to get your flat and then after you've done all of that maybe you're 3040 years old
Something like that you think about getting married? And like this person has been wanting to get married since you know, like he was 17. Right? No, I mean, you know, this is not the right approach. Every in every person is an individual. Everyone has their own individual needs. However, we have to this is the beauty of Islam. Right? This is the beauty of Islam. Islam has that flexibility in it. But we make it narrow when it's not narrow. Right? And this is the beauty. This is the beauty of Islam. However, yes, definitely. Our religion emphasizes the importance of marriage is something. Now why is it so important?
Now, I think it's important, from different angles. First of all, it's important individually. So let's just talk about us as individuals, how does marriage benefit you? Well, you will only understand this, when you understand something about life, life is a test. Life is a test. This is very important brothers and sisters, right? So I want you to dispel this idea, right? This very dangerous, and we're going to be talking about this, this idea of romantic love. And the idea that marriage has to be full of this romantic love. And that is not going to happen. It may happen. There may be romantic love in marriage, it might happen. But actually, I'm going to show you why that is
not the case. Because my talk is about love, sex and marriage, marriage, love, sex and love. So I'm going to be talking about the love that I'm going to be talking about love, right? And I'm not saying there is no romantic love that you can't have romantic love. I'm not saying that don't get me wrong, okay. But I'm going to show you why that is temporary. It's not it very, in most cases, it does not last throughout the whole of the marriage. It's something that lasts for a short amount of time. And there's another type of love, right? A more long and permanent and lasting love. There's not that passionate, romantic, crazy type of love. Right? So we're going to talk about that. But
let's talk about why marriage is so important for you as an individual. That's because brothers and sisters life is a test life is a test to see how are we going to behave? What are we going to do? Or we're going to obey Allah? Or we're going to disobey Allah? Or we're going to do what is pleasing to Allah? Or we're going to do what is displeasing to Allah? Are we going to follow our intellect? Are we going to develop our minds? Are we going to develop our thinking and our understanding capacity? Or are we just going to follow our desires and our passions and our, you know, our knifes, right? What are we going to do? This is the challenge, right? This is the challenge. So marriage is
something that helps you fulfill your physical needs, we have these physical needs and marriage is a vehicle and that marriage is a means through which we can fulfill many physical and actually emotional needs. There is a very strong physical need to have sex that's a strong and I'm told you I told you, I'm going to be frank about it. That is a very strong physical need that human beings have, right? It's natural, it's normal. We all human beings have it. A marriage not all human beings, but most people have it. It marriage is the only way in Islam the only Halal lawful permitted way in Islam,
for all intents and purposes these days through which we can do that, okay. So this is very, very important. Also, there are emotional needs that we have, right? We have a need for companionship, this is very important. Human beings need support. We need companionship, we need a friend. We need someone to advise us and to help us and to protect us and guard us. So yes, life is a test. We have to navigate our way through this world. Like Omar ibn Al Kitab. He talks about Taqwa he was asked what is taqwa? He said, Have you ever gone along a path that is covered in thorns? And the man said, Yes, he said, Well, that's like taqwa, right? Life is like that. There's thorns everywhere. And you
walk carefully through that so the lawns don't snag you and tear your clothes and sticking your skin. So it means this is how life is life is full of these stones. These things that come out you these tests and these trials and tribulations. We've talked about that in a former Facebook Live, so we'll always talk about it in Sharla. So top club, right is trying to and these things, these tests and trials and tribulations, what are they? They are the things that if you fall into them, they will hurt you. They will hurt you in this life and they will hurt you in the next life. Right? These are the sins these are the things that Allah
has forbidden to the person who has Taqwa it, it keeps them it protects them. It shields them from these things that Allah has made haram. So marriage really helps you because it's not just you, you have someone else with you. So you are supporting each other and you are helping each other. This is very important brothers and sisters. This is very important. Because what do people look for in marriage? What do people look for in marriage? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he talked about this. You know, the prophet talked about this. He said, A man or a woman is the so what a person looks for, what did they look for in their wife or their husband? Beauty? Right? That's one
thing. Beauty. Yeah. Wealth.
Status, right. beauty, wealth, status, lineage, same thing, status and lineage is the same thing, right? This is, most of the time, what most people look for, right? They look for beauty, they look for wealth, they look for status. This is most, excuse me, this is most people. Right? But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, but marry the religious one, marry the one with piety, marry the one with taqwa and be successful. Now, that doesn't mean the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam is saying, don't care what the person looks like, right? Actually, I think it may be important, it may not be important. It depends on you. There is no particular right or wrong in
this. But generally, and the advice that scholars I've heard scholars given I give myself is that look, in this day and age, especially for those of us living in the West, not even in the West, in most Muslim countries, these days, we are exposed to so many images on the TV on the media, very highly sexualized images and ideas. Right. So and including, of course, pornography. So it really is important, I think. And that depends on you. It depends on you. So I'm not saying this is absolute remember, but my general advice that you should marry someone that you find attractive. And I'm not saying you look for someone who is like, I don't know, some ridiculous idea of beauty that you may
have, right? Like no, because you will never get married. Right? I remember Subhanallah you know, this conversation happened many times with brothers here, right? Oh, I want to marry someone who looks like this actress or like this model or like this, or like that. And like even those actresses, and those models don't look like that. Right? Because when you see them without their makeup, and outside the movies, they don't look like anything like the pictures right? You wouldn't you probably some of them, you wouldn't even look at them twice. Right? But you shouldn't anyway, because you should be lowering your gaze. But you know what I mean? Right? So this is this is the
amusing thing, right? So these guys never get married. I know one brother, I don't know how long it took him to get married before he just realized, okay, right, you know, I'm going to have to be a bit realistic here. Right? So this is the thing brothers and sisters, right? But but but but you know, my criterion is, you know, you should marry someone that you know you that Alhamdulillah you. I'm not saying they're super beautiful, but at least you find them attractive. Now when I say should, you may not care about this Alhamdulillah you may just care that this person is sweet and funny and kind. And you know, whatever. Right? That may be important. Maybe you just you know, maybe
wealth is important for you. Maybe that's something psychologically important. You want to be looked after you want to be cared for whatever, right? But the prophets and so the Prophet is saying, it's not that you can't take these things into account. But the prophet said, that marry the Pious One. Piety should be their brothers and sisters. There is nothing in this whole world, this whole world.
Right, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, This whole world is green and verdant Subhanallah you know, I look out my window brothers and sisters here in England, right in the morning. And I see beautiful green hills because I live like in a town in the countryside and I just look at and I see the green hills and I drive thru. And you know, you can see it on my Facebook page, not my official Facebook page, my personal you know, you can see that it's a picture of like, near where I live the hills. That's what it looks like. It's beautiful. And you know, I drive and I sometimes I'm just like, wow, this is the dunya if this is this world, what is paradise like?
But the prophet said that a pious woman is the best thing in this whole world.
Better than a Ferrari better than a, you know Lamborghini better than a big house better than you know all the nice things you can think of the best thing for you in this dunya is a pious woman and the best thing sisters, for you is going to be a pious husband, right? Seriously, because you will be a garment for them. And this is how this beautiful way Allah describes the relationship between the husband and the wife, you are a garment for them, and they are a garment for you. And what is the garment do a garment protects? Right? It beautifies it beautifies a garment can make you look more beautiful. And it can it protects you from the elements from the sun and the rain and the cold.
And this is how the relationship between the husband and the wife should be right one of protecting one another helping one another. You are on a journey together to Allah. Right. And you've got to help each other. reach Allah to get to that goal. And that's why you're married. And that's why you're having kids. And if you keep that in mind, and you keep reminding yourself, why why did you get married, right? You got married because you are going to suppose to help each other on this journey to Allah subhanaw taala Allah Subhana Allah, and look how Allah and you know how so this is how the relationship should be. And look how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, he
gave this beautiful description of, you know, this good, beautiful situation between the husband and the wife, right? So when the husband like he is waking up for tahajud he's waking up for the night prayer. And, you know, he gets some water and He sprinkles it on his wife's face to wake her up if she doesn't, if she doesn't, you know, wake up, you know, darling, wake up, we're gonna pray to hundreds. They're praying to 100 together, right? And if she doesn't wake up, she sprinkles water in her face to wake her up, you know? And the same way around. If he if she wakes up and he doesn't she wakes him up. Now like most people, like, you know, you could imagine you speak it What are you
doing to me?
Like this, you know, like, Oh, my God, no, but this this, you see, this is Islam.
Islam is this beautiful kindness not the hitting each other. I was doing before that, you know, you sprinkle water in the positive wake up at the hedgerow. Yeah. So this, this is this is how the relationship should be between analog. If you're like this with each other hamdulillah you're going to help each other get to Jana. Right? So Hamdulillah, you can now see, I think you can now begin to understand why marriage is so important. So it's important for you as an individual. Right? But it is also very important for society. Now, here's a very important thing. And we often forget this, that human beings, we are social animals, I use the term animal, right? We're not of course, we're
humans. We're not animals. Exactly. But meaning that we live in societies. You know, that's it, we're designed by a lot to live together, to be together we are, we are the best of ourselves, when we live together, when we work together, when we cooperate together. And yes, sometimes it sure may be tempting to run off and just, you know, you get fed up with everybody. But in reality, as human beings, we achieve our best potential. When we support each other, we help each other we live together. And this is something very, very important. Okay. So these are societies, human beings, we are we are creatures that live in communities, right? And that adds our whole different layers of
complexity to our lives, right? A hole because how do you build now so now our concern, as Muslims, is not only how can I be successful as an individual, right? How can I reach inner peace? How can I reach happiness? How can I be, you know, how can I learn to love Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, right? And that Allah loves me because this is what it's all about, in my opinion, brothers and sisters, we're on this journey, right? And where we want to be at this end of this journey, is that Allah Subhana Allah, you know, we love Allah and Allah loves us, and we are with the people whom Allah loves. You see, this is really what it's all about in the end, brothers and sisters, right?
This is what it's about. Okay. So, so this is it, but you know, actually in reality, that we achieve this best by helping and supporting one another. Right? So when we have societies of people dedicated to that goal, and we have scholars and we have people with insight and people who are worshipers of Allah
And we enjoy what is right and we forbid what is wrong. And we encourage each other upon bear and Taqwa upon righteousness and fearing Allah. It's in this atmosphere of mutual support and encouragement, that we can build truly amazing societies truly beautiful environments for us all to live. Alhamdulillah. Right. So the very, very bedrock of a society like that, is marriage. Right? Because it's in, it's in marriage. You see, that's where it all starts, if the Met if we have marriage, and we have a man and a woman, and they are together, and they are helping and supporting each other in righteousness, and they are bringing up children upon this path upon this goal upon
upon this objective, to know Allah to love Allah to worship Allah subhanho wa taala. Right. So then what is society made of mate society is just made of individuals, right? So the initial school, right, the first school, the most important learning place is the family is the mum, and the dad. That's really where it all starts. And, you know, that goes on, actually throughout life. So you can see that marriage. And that's why Islam is so emphasizes the importance of preserving marriage, and making marriage last and making marriage happy and making marriage successful. So this is where I'm going to bring in the topic of sex. And of course, marriage is not all about sex, right? But sex is
very important. Okay. In my opinion, why is sex so much fun? I mean, there's no doubt sex is extremely enjoyable for most people, right? I mean, most human beings, lots of human beings are obsessed with it. Okay. And this is the fact we have to be frank, and we have to talk honestly, there is no point us, you know,
you know, not dealing with these issues, right? Sex is fun, sex is great. Okay, most people vote, and we design like that. Why? Why is it this is very, very important to understand. Right? Now. I'm gonna digress a little bit here into science, right? It's not a digression. It's, I could say you can use it to emphasize it. Right. And there's lots of different theories is very interesting. There are actually lots of different theories about why that is, why do human beings get so much pleasure from that intimate act right?
Now, the, for me, the theory that I think is very convincing, and there is some very strong evidence for this, right?
It is about building bonds, it is about building bonds, okay? Because when two people have sex, there is a chemical that gets released and a chemical that affects our brain. Okay. Okay. So, in fact, there are a whole lot of chemicals that get released. Okay. But the very important chemical, right.
Okay, is oxytocin. Now, oxytocin is really, really important. And what it does is it actually builds bonds. It's also by the way it released when the mother is breastfeeding, right? And it's also released during sex. Okay, so this chemical, oxytocin actually helps a human being form a bond, right? So this is some very strong scientific evidence that supports this idea that the reason why sex is so enjoyable, is it is a bonding mechanism. The enjoy ability of sex is a bonding mechanism, right? And so that's why, and this is very important. Brothers and sisters. Now I want to talk frankly, out I want to talk about a very important thing. This is why you should confine sex to
marriage. Right? This is why casual sex, and I include within this pornography is so dangerous. It is so damaging, not just to the individual, but it is damaging to the society. Because what does it do? You have to think about what's going on what you're doing, you see, when you are having this intimate connection with another human being the sexual relationship, right? This chemical is being released and this chemical, what is it doing is creating feelings that you want to bond with this person. You want to bond with that person, right? Yet if you're having kids
casual sex and I know okay, you could argue, yeah, well, I, you know, I have a boyfriend and we stay together or girlfriend and we stay together for a year or three years or four years. Right? Okay, you know, this can I think the human being can take that sometimes people get married and they get divorced, right? But I'm talking about casual sex, like people are sleeping with a different person every week, every day, you know, they might be 17 years old, and they've had, you know, 15, whatever, right? 15 people they've, you know, now the problem here, what does this do? What is this do? Right? When you begin to treat sex like entertainment, like, you know, sport, like
entertainment, like, oh, yeah, let's watch, oh, I'm bored. What are we going to do? Let's have some sex, right. And then with one day, it's with this person with next day, this is that person. Now this chemical is being released. And this chemical is telling you that you need to bond with that person that you need to bond with that person. But you don't even see that person, the next day you meet that person like, walks off and disappears. What does that do to you emotionally? What does that do to you, that is going to start messing you up big time. Now in order to cope with this, what are you going to do, you're actually going to start shutting yourself down, you're going to start
shutting yourself down emotionally. Right? And so when you do one day decide to get married, right, then this activity is nothing special anymore. It's not a special thing. It's not, it's it stopped being a bonding mechanism. Right. And here's a very amazing statistic. Right.
50% of love marriages, finish end in divorce 50% of love marriages, arranged marriages, is about 2.5%. The end in divorce 2.5% For arranged marriages 50% breaking up for love marriages. Wow. Right. Now, that's there's a lot of things to do there. Right? There's a lot of reasons for that. There's a lot of extra reasons, right? There's a pressure on, I don't want to go into it. Right. But if you even if you get rid of all of these reasons, right, in societies that advocate love marriages, why? They're also the same societies, that but even, you know, that casual sex, that's the reality. Right? So brothers and sisters, this is very, and this is the same for pornography, right? This is
why you find that people who are addicted to porn, they are dysfunctional, they become sexually dysfunctional, right? They can't bond with people, they become aggressive. Right? They have real psychological problems. Okay. And this is another problem with the prevalence of nudity. And you know, men and women, it's not just about women, but men and women, you know, displaying themselves. What does this do? It? The problem here is that, that the threshold at which people become stimulated and excited by each other gets higher and higher and higher, right? And so therefore, just take an example, you know, you've been out all day, you've been looking at all these movies and
these singers and all of these people, and they're so good looking in, they're so good, handsome, and then you look at your husband doesn't look anything like that. You look at your wife, he doesn't look anything like that. Right? And you don't find your husband or your wife exciting. What is this? Do it breaks, it starts to break the bonds that are so important to holding the marriage together, it starts to break it. Can you understand the wisdom, the wisdom of what Allah tells us, when he says, Let the believing men and the believing women lower their gaze, let them lower their gaze and guard their private parts? This is what Allah is telling us in the Quran. Can you see the wisdom of
it, brothers and sisters? This is what I'm saying. Islam is such a beautiful way of life. And of course, it's not that there is not some good in all of this other stuff, right? You know, there's no who, you know, we're not going to deny that two people can fall in love and not get married, you know, they can be not married and still be in love and still be have a sort of happiness and whatever right is we're not going to deny that what but the point is, you first of all, but where's the overriding benefit? Where is the overriding harm in the long term? What is the effect not only on you as an individual, but the whole society and this is something we have to remember. We have
responsibilities to everybody else. Everything you do everything you say the way that you behave, does not it impacts the world around you. You have to understand this brothers and sisters, right. And this is what I'm often say to sisters, you know that your hijab is a part of social responsibility. You are doing an amazing act for the benefit of society. When you are covering
Your beauty when you are not displaying your beauty and Hamdulillah you are you're protecting society from harm, you are doing an amazing thing. By that, you know, just like a nurse or a doctor, or, you know, a person who goes out and digs people out of the rubble, these people are heroes, sisters wearing hijab, your heroes or heroines, right? Because you're doing an amazing thing. You're, you're helping to protect society. And Hamdulillah this is an amazing thing. Right? How would you like to be responsible on the day of judgment that some man sees you? Or you know, he is, you know, it's not a you could say it's not your fault. But you have to this is this is Islam, Islam
deals with the reality. Islam deals with the reality, it's very easy to talk about an ideal world. And oh, men should be like this. And women should be like that. And you shouldn't have to be like this. And you shouldn't have to be like that. Right? Okay. Let's deal with the way things actually are. Not according to some ideal that it's very easy to talk about ideals and how things should be. But Islam deals with human nature, right? And you can see this when you start to study psychology, you start to study the science of these things, then you begin to understand brothers and sisters. The wisdom of Islam, the brilliance of Islam. Okay.
So Alhamdulillah, we talked about marriage, we've talked about sex. Now, let's talk about love. Right? What is love? Right? There's lots of types of love, right? But I want to talk about first of all the crazy you know, the love when people talk about a person being mad about being insane.
You know, this madness, this, this love that is mad. And really, there is a type of love that is is like that. And actually, some psychologists thinks that it actually has some actual indications of insanity. And the reason is a combination of chemicals in the brain, right? So the common, the combination of chemicals in the brain is dopamine. So for all of you who've done my seven pillars of willpower course, you will know exactly what dopamine is. But for those of you who haven't, okay, yet, in Sharla, you will, okay, dopamine. Dopamine is the desire chemical in your brain is the thing that makes you want stuff, right? It doesn't make you happy. It's not that happiness chemical.
That's not right. Dopamine mense makes you want stuff. Now, the stuff that you want, will not necessarily make you happy. Dopamine doesn't care. Dopamine is what drives you. It drives you towards food, and it drives you towards sex. And it drives you towards the things that you want, right? The things that you think you want, or that dopamine thinks you want, right? So anything that promises a reward, that is where dopamine kicks in. So dopamine, right when when a person is passionately in love, passionate love, right? You have dopamine. So you have this desire, you have this want this really strong one and this desire, right? Then you have adrenaline. Now adrenaline is
what you feel when you know, adrenaline is what you feel when you're going to be attacked by someone or something, right? Adrenaline, right? That's adrenaline when your heart starts to beat faster, and you start to sweat and then you boom, you have this energy and you're just ready to go. Right? That is adrenaline. So you've got desire, and you've got adrenaline feeling that desire right? And then on top of that, you've got serotonin. Now serotonin, what does serotonin do? Serotonin is what they call the willpower chemical. Serotonin allows you to focus right it's zoom in makes you focus in on one thing that serotonin serotonin is what makes you focus on one thing, that is why a person who is
passionate and in love sometimes all they can think about is that person, they literally cannot almost think about anything except that one person, right? That's the neurotransmitter serotonin kicking in, right? So you combine dopamine, adrenaline, and serotonin and you are pretty much insane
in the sense that you don't have control of your prefrontal cortex where all the thinking and the pausing and the planning goes your intellect you lose it. That combination of dopamine, adrenaline and adrenaline and serotonin in your brain, you are not going to be able to think you are not going to be able to think right and that's you find this is why poets and plays and writers and songs they talk about you
You know, how crazy love is? And that it really is you because you're almost insane. You really are almost insane right? Now, to be honest, right? If you have that in type of insane, passionate love, and it's in the context of marriage, this is something good, it will really, really help you bond with that person. And that's the purpose of it, right? Because when you get what, why? Why, again, let's go back to the why. What are you going to do? When you have intercourse with someone? Biologically? What's this all about? It's about having kids, you just, that's fundamentally what it's about. Having kids means you're gonna raise these little creatures, right? The woman is going
to walk around for nine months carrying this child, right? And then she's gonna give birth, and it takes how many years? Like three years before it can even really begin to look after itself in any way. Right? And it goes way beyond that. I mean, some others think even when their sons are 40, and their daughters are 40 or 50, this thing, they have to look after them, right? Okay, that's another extreme. But really, literally, a child, if it is left on its own, I don't know, maybe it needs to be like seven or eight, or it would just not survive, probably a very unlikely would know how to survive that seven years, right? That's just to raise one child, you need to be together for seven
years to raise that child, you're going to need some really seriously powerful stuff going on chemically between you to keep you together. You think about it. That's the biology of it. That's what the Bible that's the biology of it, right? I'm not talking about anything else, except what the biological mechanisms, right? So this is why within the context of marriage, right? And that is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, he said, There's nothing better for a person who is in love, or has this type of passionate love than they get married. Right? It's the best thing for them.
Okay, so, yes, brothers and sisters. So this is the passionate type of love. Okay. But, um, so really, what we find is that with this bonding mechanism that we talked about, and Hamdulillah, what really is love, I want to talk about what is love? So that's a little bit about the chemistry of love, right? But philosophically, what is love? Right? This is the last bit now. Okay, so, and brothers and sisters, I'm gonna, what I'm going to do is I'm going to try, I am going to try to have a question and answer session at the end, I don't know how well that's going to work, because I can only see like two or two of you writing comments at one time here on my screen. But in short, I'm
going to try and take some questions, right? If any of you are watching me on YouTube, again, you can we can try and see if you can
answer questions there. Right, I am broadcasting this on YouTube, in show I'm going to be doing that as well in the future. So let's finish off love. Right, what is love? Right? So for me, and I've thought about this a lot. I don't think really love is that complicated, right? It people may think it's complicated, but I think it's pretty easy, right?
I think love is when you put a person above yourself. That's what love is, when you care about somebody or something more, and you put it above yourself, right? That's what love is, you do not you will not truly believe until you love your brother, what you love yourself. See the Sahaba This is how they were they loved each other. Right? They loved each other, which means they preferred one they would prefer the Muslim brother to themselves. That's why that beautiful story of the four Muslims who had you know, who had been wounded in battle, and they were all calling for water. And then you know, someone bought water for one. And the person next to him was calling for water. He
said give it to my brother. And then the other one was going to be given the water and he heard someone calling for the water. He said give it to my brother. And then the other one, he had someone else calling for water. And by the time it went back to the first one he had died. And then the next one had died and the next one had died. So Subhanallah This is how they preferred their Muslim brother and sister to themselves. Right? This is the reality of love, right? And so that's the same, right? When you really love someone, you are ready to sacrifice, that you're ready to sacrifice things you want and things you love for them. And that's I guess that's in many ways what marriage
is about marriage is all about compromise, right? A man is going to sacrifice stuff for the sake of his wife. Now he's not going to sacrifice everything. And that will be silly, right because he has to keep themselves sane and you know he has to he has his duties to society. He has his duties. He has many duties to his mom to his dad. Right?
and to others, right? But generally this is it. You know the same with a wife, the wife will, there may be many things she wants to do, but she will sacrifice those things for her husband, this is the reality of love, right? It doesn't necessarily have to be some passionate obsessive thing. This is passionate love, but real love, true love, is that ability to sacrifice right? Is to compromise
in order to make that person happy and to help that person. Okay, so brothers and sisters, this is the reality of love, right? This is the reality of love, right? And the most important love of all I want to finish with is of course, the love for Allah subhanaw taala. The most important Love is the love for Allah. And Allah is the only one brothers and sisters are there is a type of love that we must give to Allah that we are not allowed to give to anyone else. And if we give to anyone else, this type of love, then we have made that person an idol. We have made that person, a partner with Allah, we have made that person an equal with Allah, and that is shook and that is the greatest sin
to make something or anybody equal, that Allah is the greatest sin and if you die on that, you will go to hell and you will never come out. Right? So this is very serious. So the type of love that we give to Allah is the love of complete submission. The type of love that we give to Allah is the love of complete submission and complete obedience. The only one that we submit to completely and obey completely is Allah subhanaw taala
This is the reality of our love for Allah subhanaw taala right. Now, I don't want to get deep into this. This does not mean you may not commit sins in May, it doesn't mean you may not transgress Allah's commands, but what it means is that you accept what Allah has forbidden, you accept is forbidden. What Allah has said is good, you accept it as being good. And you accept it and you love it and you acknowledge that this is from Allah's wisdom and His knowledge, right? And so this is the reality right and Allah said call In Kuntum to headband Allah, the tabby uni yeah did come up.
So if you want to know what is the reality of loving Allah, it means following the Prophet so this verse in the Quran is same quality, same meaning Oh Muhammad because the Quran is primarily revealed to the Prophet Muhammad called in contempt the hyndburn Allah if it is true that you love Allah, follow the meaning follow the Prophet.
You have to become Allah and Allah will love you.
If you want Allah to love you, and there is no greater objective that you can have, except the Allah will love your work, your work could be better than the Allah would love you brothers and sisters, right?
So if you want Allah to love you, and it's true that you love Allah, if you love Allah, then you will follow the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you will follow His guidance, you will follow his sunnah you will follow him not only in how he worshipped Allah in how he believed in Allah, but in his manners and his morals in his, you know, in his kindness and his softness, and his gentleness and His mercy, and his treatment of others. This is all part of following the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So brothers and sisters, this is what we all need to help each other to do. We need to help each other to follow the way of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam, and at the
end of the day, brothers and sisters, we go back to marriage, right? That's what we should be doing. That's what we should be doing in marriage, right? Helping each other to follow the path of the prophets of Allah really, he was, right, if we do that, and Hamdulillah we will be truly happy and successful
in this life, and the next. And that's enough for us brothers and sisters. We don't need Valentine,
or whatever these other things. Alhamdulillah. If we just follow the example of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam, we just follow the example of our messenger. If we look into how he behaved with his wives, how kind and loving he was to them, how considerate he was to them, how he treated them. And you know the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to help out in the house he look like he used to look after his own things. He was so affectionate to his wives Aisha would talk about how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know he would drink and then he would give the cup to Aisha and he would give it to her so she could drink from exactly the same place.
stat she drunk and she said and this is when I was on my mentors just to show right his love and affection and his kindness. This is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam
So brothers and sisters
we have this beautiful thing in Islam. And so I'm really Alhamdulillah JazakAllah her to all of you for joining me for sticking with me throughout this Facebook Live, I will be back again Inshallah, to Allah. If I don't have another talk. If I do a talk somewhere I will broadcast that Facebook Live but regularly every Thursday inshallah at 9pm
Greenwich Mean Time. Okay, UK time in sha Allah, I'm going to be here on Facebook and on YouTube, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, even though there's only one video, but inshallah I am going to be uploading more and more videos onto YouTube in sha Allah. So I want to build a really, really awesome YouTube channel in sha Allah, I'm going to be putting some stuff I might even be putting some lessons from my courses, right Alhamdulillah just for free for you guys to see. Inshallah, I got some exciting plans Alhamdulillah for, um, you know, my willpower course and the other modules I've done on mindset and learning how to learn, okay, and Sabha and patients.
And the webinars that I've done. And as you know, brother and sister got big plans. Alhamdulillah really, I just want to say that I'm really asking you guys to come with me on a journey with to come with me and for us to help each other on this journey. Because that's what it is right? To help each other on this journey. The end of this journey, I'm hoping that we will be people who love Allah, and Allah loves us. That's that's the ultimate destination of this journey. Right? But to get there, we need some foundations, right? We need some we need the right mindset. Right? We need the right way of thinking about ourselves and the world around us, right? We need suburb is very important.
And in order to get suburb, we need to understand, we need to be able to control our desires. This willpower is all about controlling your desires, right? We need to learn how to learn learning is very important, important knowledge is so important. So I have I have my idea of what I think are these building blocks that we need. Right? And surely be hearing a lot more from me about these things. I know a lot of these courses for some of you are totally unaffordable. I appreciate that brothers and sisters, you know, I am thinking about this a lot, um, see what I can do in Sharla hopefully,
you know, hopefully, we'll come up with some things very soon in the future. But for those of you who can, you know, support the work that we're doing, if you can afford these classes, I guarantee you brothers and sisters for those of you who can afford it, mastery classes.com Alhamdulillah you will find I guarantee you brothers and sisters, if you don't find it changes your life will give you your money back. It's that simple. 30 days you can try it and if it's no good taking will give you your money back that can really handle a 500 plus students. People are saying it's transformed their lives that transform my life. That's why I wanted to teach you about it as well Alhamdulillah but
inshallah for those of you who can't afford it and really genuinely can't inshallah we are working on stuff we're going to see what we can do. I'm not going to give it away right now, but until and I can't I can't even say this is going to be like really soon, but inshallah brothers and sisters you know make dua right make dua that Allah subhanaw taala you know, helps us and guides us to do the right thing to do what is truly pleasing to Him. That is what is most important to seek the pleasure of Allah subhana wa Taala right and do things for his pleasure. Okay. I don't know what I'm going to talk about next week. I haven't decided yet. I have something in my mind that I want to talk about
balance being balanced, following the middle way following the middle path, the balanced path, but inshallah Watch this space brothers and sisters watch this space.
So Okay, until next Thursday in sha Allah. May Allah bless you all Kamara
Mohammed Zahara Zubair
has Anna I'm going to scroll down who marry him and yes, and Lumina And subhanAllah. Anyway, I'm going to be going through all of your comments as much as I can, right? If you do have any questions, you can just you know, ask me on facebook here. I will do I can't say I'll answer all of them or you can
maybe I don't know how it works on YouTube, but inshallah either way, brothers and sisters I will do my
My best especially on this topic, I don't have a marriage bureau so I can't help to get you married, right.
But you should make dua to Allah Samantha really sincere, passionate dua you know, ask Allah subhanaw taala from the bottom of your heart. You know insha Allah Allah is the One multiple dua he's the one who's going to answer your prayers in sha Allah to Allah so never forget to turn to Allah and ask him but assistance that's it for me. May Allah bless you until next Thursday. Abdur Rahim green as me, saying A salaam aleikum, may Allah bless you may have a blessed Juma I don't forget dua l St. Java, that is a dua dua that you can make in the last hour of Friday, right the last hour of Friday before Maghrib right that last hour, the four Maghrib the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam said if you ask Allah in this hour, he will give you what you are asking for brothers and sisters. So don't forget, it's the essence of worship, call to ALLAH ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah and inshallah Allah will give you Inshallah, what you need, not maybe always what you want. So until then brothers and sisters dissolve and die. And if you haven't shared this already, was forget, if you haven't shared it, make sure you share it so others can benefit from this and who knows Subhanallah maybe you will share it and what a person hears will change their life and keep them from some haram or inspire them to do some amazing good deed and you will share in the
blessings of that. Brothers and sisters. I love you for the sake of Allah. May Allah guide us all on the straight path to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet so awesome. That's it for me Salaam Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh it