Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Episode Notes

share this pageShare Page

Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam Al-Kawthari takes up the challenge to briefly talk about the Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations.

Fulfilment of sexual desires and needs is essential in sustaining a harmonious martial relationship. However, in today’s society, sexual boundaries are being pushed further and further, and often, sexual deviance is openly practised.

In such circumstances, there is a need to identify which sexual activities are permissible in Shari’ah.

Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam Al-Kawthari talks about the serious endeavour to tackle these sensitive matters in a clear and meticulous manner.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:14--> 00:00:15

amrinder hosoda

00:00:22--> 00:00:23

name is

00:00:29--> 00:00:29

Kim

00:00:34--> 00:00:36

Christina Hart

00:00:38--> 00:00:40

Candela. This is the third session now

00:00:42--> 00:00:46

after we had this great in, in depth in depth

00:00:47--> 00:00:53

aspect of marriage and divorce from man, and afternoon inshallah we'll have the final session given that she has an ID.

00:00:55--> 00:01:09

But I think this particular session is probably, you know, the most intriguing or probably the most interesting not because I am talking, definitely the case, but it's because of the topic.

00:01:11--> 00:01:20

Normally, you know, this topic is normally not discussed. I mean, from my knowledge, this is the first time ever, I think,

00:01:21--> 00:01:22

in msgid,

00:01:23--> 00:01:28

where we have older brothers in a Masjid opening this topic being discussed,

00:01:30--> 00:01:43

when Shaka, man called me, and he said, we have an idea of having a session dealing with just intimate aspects of marriage between husband and wife.

00:01:45--> 00:01:48

I said to him, Are you sure, you know, in the masjid?

00:01:49--> 00:01:58

Because I had an experience last year. I don't know if you know this book, which I authored recently, and it was released Islamic gratis sexual relations.

00:01:59--> 00:02:15

Before this book was released somebody one of the institute's in another city, I won't tell you which city in which instituted Academy Institute's have shoe on all ama famous scholars, they want you to do a one day course on sexual intimacy, Islamic guide to sexual relations

00:02:17--> 00:02:18

in another city,

00:02:19--> 00:02:30

in the UK. And I also asked him, Look, you inviting me and I don't know how it is, but you know, best. So I said, Okay, if you think it's okay, and this was not in the merger, and it was only four brothers.

00:02:32--> 00:02:56

But after having arranged it, and I'll mention, I'll tell you why I mentioned this after having arranged it, there was a lot of, you know, this and that in the society, the whole thing was a taboo, to the point that in my city, where I come from, people started questioning why you would need a whole day seminar course, on what they said sex.

00:03:00--> 00:03:29

And then I was actually at that time in the process of writing this book. And that actually made me more even eager to write about this topic. And then I wrote an introduction and the introduction that I've written in this book is actually based on all those negative comments. It's a very strong introduction, why not just it is maybe nest, you know, it's just maybe permissible or recommended. I think discussing these issues is probably obligatory in our times for

00:03:31--> 00:03:36

talking about these issues, because and you can ask the scholars

00:03:37--> 00:03:48

has an idea and the rest. Scholars imaams of the masjid and the Shu Han automa. They get approached by the public general public with their personal questions.

00:03:49--> 00:04:04

And many times, because and sometimes when you see, especially when we had this whole phenomenon of the internet, come up, before people could ask questions to the chef or the alum to the Mufti. It's one on one. So you're

00:04:05--> 00:04:18

slightly fearful or embarrassed or ashamed of asking certain scholars certain questions. But on the internet, everyone's anonymous, you go on the forum, and there's Abdullah, who's probably Khadija.

00:04:19--> 00:04:25

So it happens in all these forums has always people are male or female, female male, and you don't know who's asking you what question.

00:04:26--> 00:04:27

So,

00:04:28--> 00:04:32

because of that, people started asking questions with a lot of courage.

00:04:34--> 00:04:47

And me like many other people, we face a lot of questions. And I started receiving lots of different types of emails about this specific issue of the husband and wife intimate relationship.

00:04:49--> 00:04:59

And what I started doing was kept I started, you know, I kept a record of the type of questions that were being asked. I used to have a small notebook, just make a note of it.

00:05:00--> 00:05:05

This question I've done a bit of research This is the question is question sometimes it's on the phone. So I suggest make a note.

00:05:06--> 00:05:21

Suddenly, I had a whole list of issues that people have asked about in terms of just basic sexual relations between husband and wife. And that actually, the note, you know, the page of the notebook that I had with all the notes that I used as a basis and foundation to write this book.

00:05:22--> 00:06:12

Now, I will say, it's probably followed in our times to talk about these issues. And not just in our times, in the time of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu, alayhi wasallam, this topic was openly discussed, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, I mean, this is the first time that this you know, this, you know, messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam despite being the most purest, we were talking about pure hearts, Iran, the most purest of individuals and human beings. Yet, not just did he, you know, mentioned these aspects of husband wife intimacy, he went into the details of the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife. And the reason is simple. The some of the reason

00:06:12--> 00:06:50

behind this is simple. What's the reason, because, as I say, the couple happy in bed, happy marriage, if you want a prosperous marriage, you have to be happy in a physical sense. There are a lot of dead marriages out there. And I'm talking about dead marriages, where the couple are unhappy in the whole relationship of marriage, because there are problems within the bedroom department. Everything triggers from that, not all the time. But many times things trigger from that, when they are not happy in their physical relationship, they're unhappy in other parts of the relationship, when they're unhappy in other parts of relationships. And fortunately, marriages come to an end. So

00:06:50--> 00:07:21

this could be a cause of marriages, without a doubt marriages come to an end, the man looks elsewhere, because he has not been fulfilled, or because of certain other things. So many problems come about because of issues connected to sexual relations. I mean, this is a topic you know, the first time I'm talking about it, and openly in public, and it's not easy to talk about it. It's difficult even to write about this was was very, very difficult. But when you're writing in this writer, nobody's looking at you. But he is looking at me and talk about these issues. But

00:07:22--> 00:07:31

if the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Now I'm just going to discuss one or two issues based on this book, you know, what I have in here,

00:07:33--> 00:07:34

and I have some, you know,

00:07:36--> 00:08:17

aspects here certain titles, or points that we need to cover. So, first thing, which is in the introduction of this book, is that when it comes to matters of Deen, there should be no shyness, as I said, that we had to cancel the program in the other city. When it comes to aspects about D. We shouldn't have shyness. We shouldn't we shouldn't be too modest. You know, one of the spiritual diseases actually talked about in one of the books is to be overly modest to the point that you neglect aspects of D. Now, somebody is extremely shy because he's shy, he doesn't want to offer insula is shy people think

00:08:18--> 00:08:38

that being over modest, it's a spiritual disease. Sometimes, you know, people try to be, you know, try to be modest, and they overlooked overlook or neglect aspects of the when it comes to religious matters and learning about the shyness should never prevent us from learning about the detailed aspects of

00:08:39--> 00:08:50

and the you know, say there are issues that they follow the law says you mumble Buhari mentions this in his office say that she said Niermann Musa Musa unsolved, Lamia, coonan, higher.

00:08:52--> 00:09:20

Ed, how admirable are the women of unsought? How admirable are the women of unsought higher and modesty did not prevent them from having a deep understanding of God. They were not shy when it came to learning about matters of Deen rather you should this modesty and hire that you have in your life should be used when learning should be used

00:09:22--> 00:09:45

and implemented when learning about detail aspects of Deen there's two types of people don't learn human body then same in the same chapter in kettlebell elevation. lokala Mujahid later on in the computer on two types of people do not seek knowledge. One is a proud arrogant person when this happens a lot of the times sometimes our pride and arrogance we don't know

00:09:46--> 00:09:59

you know this in the masjid there's a debate going on after McGriff, Salah of the Quran, the among his young. I am in my 60s How can I sit here and learn how to pride and arrogance that man will not learn

00:10:00--> 00:10:01

Avoiding because he's arrogant.

00:10:02--> 00:10:45

Okay, you learn even if he's younger than you. So pride stops people from learning number one, number two, Mr. Kabila mustachian. a shy person, how can I? How can I ask him this question you just shy. So shyness and, and pride, these are two things that prevent. So the point here is that we, you know, we we should, we shouldn't be shy to learn about these things. And especially this aspect as we say Islam is a comprehensive religion. And the messengers of Allah Islam talked about basic issues, you know, there's a hadith here with a messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, he even talks about aspects like when you go to the washroom to the toilet, how to relieve yourself,

00:10:45--> 00:10:59

clean yourself, this is just in Islam, you will not find this anywhere else. And actually the competitor, well, some of the most frequently mocked the Sahaba companion, so none of us you know, the law No, this isn't so No, no. Where they said, you know, they came to him and say, your prophet teaches you everything.

00:11:04--> 00:11:05

Even about

00:11:07--> 00:11:20

etiquettes of going to the toilet and washing yourself and cleaning Islam. He said, of course, this is our Prophet look urgent. Why not? We're proud of this. And about sexual matters, that are Heidi's as clear as anything.

00:11:21--> 00:11:30

This is the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, your mom said some of the things that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam said, some people in the community will feel offended.

00:11:32--> 00:12:03

Seriously, some people in the community would feel offended. So it's all cultural. There are certain aspects. If you look into the lives of the Sahaba some things you can you know, I actually there's one thing I'm not going to talk about it because there's no time. But there's one incident within the Sahaba look at armor of man, and the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it's about another topic. I mentioned it once in a talk, I started the talk I said there was a man, I never mentioned who he was overcome with man, unless you said a lot. So it's another story. And I mentioned the whole thing as a man and some people have seen it.

00:12:05--> 00:12:12

And I said, you know who those people are talking about? That man was over he went to Omar, we went to a man and we came to messenger sallallahu Sallam I

00:12:14--> 00:12:50

just want you to see, see its culture, a lot of the things unfortunately, we have cultural based in our Islam, the Pure religion. He talked about, you know, basic, even women would come I mean, now, I mean, of course, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was a pure individual level, we wouldn't recommend this. And there are definitely exceptions for the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam, like allhallows maybe it was permissible for him as well. But women used to come there's a hadith to Muslim Kenyatta came to the messenger sallallahu Sallam said, Yasser Allah, in walhalla, middle hop, Verily, Allah is not shy from the truth. And then she said, Does a woman have to take an obligatory

00:12:50--> 00:13:27

bath? If she has an arm if she, you know, has a wet dream? And then the messenger sallallahu Sallam replied, Yes, if you notice is the discharge, she has to resort and then it goes on. So this is the first point that there's no shyness when it comes to you know, the messenger sort of loneliness and talked about it. So in the introduction, I've actually mentioned three four points that one reason was that you know, because it's very important marriages in marriages are breaking down because of not knowing about the details of this topic. And Islam doesn't neglect this. You look at the books and even when you look at you know, classical books of course, we

00:13:28--> 00:13:38

have many detailed books that are chapters dedicated to this topic in Arabic. I've given a list here because there is a hell of muddied up with Josie and we have no cudham and mabuni

00:13:40--> 00:14:03

Josie in his books, a Seder halter, many other scholars chapters 20 3040 pages look at a video where he discusses this topic in detail and they all talked about it Why? Because a healthy sexual relationship between the husband and the wife is absolutely vital in marriage as I said a couple happy in bed happy marriage so this is the reason and one of the reasons why we need to know this is that

00:14:04--> 00:14:07

is that um

00:14:09--> 00:14:19

some Muslims don't know the basics. Like once I came across one brother he didn't know that sexual intercourse during menstruation is how he said I've been doing it all my life.

00:14:20--> 00:14:25

basic stuff absolutely categorically haram Islam.

00:14:26--> 00:14:46

Yet, these he he was not aware of it. So that's another reason why we need to know. And sometimes there's a fourth reason which I've discussed in the introduction, you can read all this anyway. But one is that sometimes some people they they think certain things are haram and sinful and in reality, they're not. Okay, they're

00:14:47--> 00:14:59

not no problem, you know, because they're not committing a sin by doing it because they, but the problem is that they think that it is wrong now. There's a very

00:15:00--> 00:15:02

You know very subtle

00:15:04--> 00:15:27

aspects here which we should keep in mind which is that if somebody is committing something or doing something considering it to be unlawful haram even though in actual fact in reality it is Hello, but if he is doing it or she is practicing or exercising it thinking it should be how long it is okay? It was hard on the Muslims do it, even though in reality it is how long

00:15:28--> 00:16:07

this will have a negative impact on the person the person will become more lacs about Islam as a whole 100 today another 100 committed that sin any willing to kind of listen as well. Jensen so this is what you need to know exactly if this is how long how long, any returns how long they would not go into harm, or they would not do it out of you know, thinking it's, it's harder. And in this book, actually, I've tried my best to give as much flexibility as possible. And happiness as much flexibility if you don't give flexibility between husband and wife well you know where else I mean, this is a holy relationship. We live in a time when you know people are you know, go just today go

00:16:07--> 00:16:16

outside it's difficult to walk outside for men on a sunny day you know like my father says that I was mean to others no son in England

00:16:17--> 00:16:19

the oldest says you mix up

00:16:20--> 00:16:37

you know, it's like it's punishment of Allah when there's harsh weather can you just cannot cannot go out is difficult, keeping the gaze low. So we live in a town where everyone is filled, there's nudity, there's you can't drive a car looking at billboards. You know you just need

00:16:38--> 00:16:44

traffic it is a massive billboard You know, there's a car that has a woman that says test drive it or something

00:16:46--> 00:16:48

like that one said whether the car or the woman

00:16:50--> 00:17:30

so it's very difficult now. Therefore we need alternative and Islam gives us the purest alternative which is marriage. And why make things difficult in Islam? Why make things which are not Hello, you know, the Quran isn't most of the places the Quran is not, don't make. Don't make herramienta halaal majority of the Quran says limit to harvill mahalo Look, why are you making her on guard which Allah has made halaal for you, you see, pick up the Quran everywhere, Hello Is it Don't make it too hard on what Allah has allowed you to do. So if this flexibility, you know, and if it's saving a marriage to the point that some of the scholars say are of the opinion, that if certain things are slightly

00:17:30--> 00:18:05

disliked mcru 10, z killer for older, to the point that sometimes even if it's more, but if it's saving a marriage, then you would actually do that because it's often less of the two evils. Because it's a very holy relationship in Islam, sacred relationship, saving a marriage, many things are allowed in order to save a marriage. Many things become committed, not the absolute categorical Haram, if there's a difference of opinion, it's another opinion of another scholar for another mother, you may take it, I'm gonna give you a general reading here just giving you a kind of example. But you may take it if it's not allowed, according to the for example NFS and it's allowed

00:18:05--> 00:18:12

to come to the shelf or is it saving your marriage? Then go and ask a scholar if he may give you that permission that you can take from the shelf Mr. podomatic you're hungry.

00:18:14--> 00:18:30

Because it's saving the marriage because saving a marriage is very important. You have children involved you don't want children to live the life without parents and you know suffer all their lives. So therefore we've given as much as you know, permission. And now there's certain things here

00:18:32--> 00:18:33

Okay, just keep this in Charlotte.

00:18:34--> 00:18:37

This was some notes which some people made up based on this book anyway.

00:18:39--> 00:18:42

There's a chapter here intentions and sexual relation.

00:18:45--> 00:18:46

intentions of sexual relations.

00:18:48--> 00:18:51

Another 15 minutes. Okay.

00:18:52--> 00:18:54

intentions. Remember

00:18:56--> 00:19:36

having the correct intention of sexual relations, very important having the correct intention. I'm not gonna go into too much details of this. But make sure anything is anything Islam we do. We do it with the right intention, we get rewarded. That's it, everything is genuine. You go into business and trade and you intended to earning money, wealth, acquiring wealth, so that I can feed my family provide for my children, each muscle gather energy shall be rewarded, and that's why the messenger sallallahu Sallam said a third sodoku I mean, nobody knows that you're Satoshi. So therefore, intention is generally important in for a Muslim. Likewise, sexual relations have the right correct

00:19:36--> 00:19:37

intention.

00:19:38--> 00:19:56

And I've mentioned intentions like for example, one of the things is having children. There's a virtual virtual valued, okay, one of one of the objectives are not just sexual intercourse, but marriage itself is to have children so that's one good intention. Another another intention for you know,

00:19:57--> 00:19:59

preventing oneself and saving oneself safe.

00:20:00--> 00:20:34

guarding protecting oneself from the harm and unlawful, which is very important. And number three very important, fulfilling the rights of your spouse. Think about that as you have a spouse and you fulfilling their rights. If you're a husband say, look, Allah has given him this responsibility. Don't do it for your own self, that my, my pleasure, my my mind, we live in a time when it's just my Me, me, me, me and Mike, think about your wife. She has needs Look, I am fulfilling her. Right? Likewise, women have to think like that as well. And some other things as well. And I've actually mentioned that even enjoyment intending enjoyment is also not hard on

00:20:35--> 00:20:54

this is actually a very good point. You know, I said here enjoying this great gift that the old merciful has given to mankind, even that's one of the objectives. Some people you know, they have this whole concept about sexual intercourse, like a taboo thing, you know, I've talked about it, it's like, something that you just do it out of need, and you know, it's like going to the washroom or something, you know, they say, like jelly, jelly,

00:20:56--> 00:21:13

you know, in a reserved manner. It's not like that in Islam, with the Buddha, or the comb sadhaka. One of you fulfilling your sexual relations with your spouse, the sadaqa, charity, this is charity. That doesn't mean that don't give any money. You know, that said, every time somebody comes with a donation,

00:21:17--> 00:21:18

they're gonna go home and do some charity.

00:21:20--> 00:22:02

But it's different times and say what you will walk, there are things for different occasions and times. But it's charity. So don't think it's some dirty, you know, it's not filthy, it's a halaal act, you do it in a Halla way, you'll be rewarded in Sharla. You know, so, and then we have rights, sexual intercourse, the rights of both spouses. This chapter two talks about the we what I want to say just here, just a couple of minutes on this, is that we think, again, it's cultural. We think that sexual intercourse is the right of the man, we forget, women have rights as well. We as men, when they were told that they need to, you know, make sure the Hadees but we the only, you know,

00:22:02--> 00:22:44

some husbands, the only Hadith, they remember, you know, angels curse the woman if they've asked to only and every time they threaten their women, look, you bring this on your body, the angels curse you into the morning, and I'm going to be upset. Some go to the point that I divorce you. That's not the way there are ways of course, you know, doing this. But remember, as husbands, even women have a sexual right, and the scholars go into extreme detail. How often do you have to you know, as a writer of sexual relations, how do you see the different opinions? You remember, pazhani said it is religiously obligatory form for a man to have sex sex with his wife, once every four nights.

00:22:45--> 00:22:52

If she wants to that is, but it's her right? If she demands if she wants you to request, it's her right?

00:22:53--> 00:23:18

There are different appeals the Hanafi school, say every so often, there's no you know, fixed time period, frequently every so often, in a way that you save her from committing a sin, any kind of sin, you satisfy her, so that she is not inclined towards any unlawful haram act. Now, there are so many men who do not fulfill their wives relationship, right? Seriously, this? I mean, I have spoken to Sonia.

00:23:21--> 00:23:22

Seriously, there are so

00:23:23--> 00:23:41

many times I've spoken to actually more women who say that their husbands don't have sexual relations with them or do not fulfill their rights, more than talking to men, where women are not ready to give the rights to them. We always talk about women, you know, women, how do you follow a strict, you know, learner that occurs as spoken to more women.

00:23:43--> 00:23:49

Now, do you think the man is because you know, the man doesn't have any urges? Of course he has. What is it doing? Ask him?

00:23:51--> 00:24:00

Ask him what he's doing. He is fulfilling his desires, but where and how when you ask him he knows best. Now, unfortunately, you know, this is kind of a living it.

00:24:01--> 00:24:12

And there are reasons why this happens. Anyway, sometimes it's the wife's fault, as the wife is disrespectful, disobedient, aggressive, and fouled mouth, and the man of course gets put off and

00:24:13--> 00:24:48

there's no relationship and that's another topic. But you know, if they have a right don't just think they are just it's only when we have when we need to you know that they will fulfill their rights. And that's it. They're just they're like a machine. And we can switch it on and off whenever we want. It's not like that. They are human beings, the creature the last part of the IRA, and they are right, so fulfill their rights. And then there's a topic about how often Am I going to enter that and then here, selecting a time, select, select a good time, there's a good time when you're not too hungry, not too thirsty, not overfilled and not when you're angry or things like that when

00:24:48--> 00:24:56

you calm and things like that. Very important. And then I have a chapter here preparing that's actually very important preparing for sexual relations.

00:24:57--> 00:24:59

This is extremely important.

00:25:00--> 00:25:29

highly important preparation. Preparation means to to in order to maintain a healthy sexual relationship vital to prepare psychologically and physically psychologically should be there you know with your words and you know how it should be prepared and it should be nice and considerate. You know the hadith of messenger sallallahu wasallam says that you know a man you know, how can you have a woman responding to your advances when all day long you know, you beat her up and then and then in the middle of the night

00:25:30--> 00:25:36

I love you and this and that, you know, so do you think she's Do you think she's just a machine like an animal or something? Hi, this is Heidi

00:25:38--> 00:25:45

Abdi and for the Allahu wa jal Huffman Akiyama Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam so

00:25:46--> 00:25:49

psychologically but physically, brothers,

00:25:50--> 00:26:33

brothers, psychologically, highly important. I'm telling you this is I'm telling you is very important your sisters and women are highly sensitive creatures. Don't think you know that oh, we can be dirty, filthy, you know, bad odor coming from your mouth, you just had a cigarette and you think you want to kiss her and leave your dirty clothing It doesn't work like that. She might not tell you anything. She might have sexual relations with you. It slowly but gradually, slowly, gradually it has an impact on Islam places a great deal of emphasis emphasis emphasis on tahara Nevada and as a coach Iago Wagner bus I think was who said that just like I just the way I like my

00:26:33--> 00:27:06

women to adorn for me, or hip bone at ASEAN. And initially, I want to adorn myself as well for my own. You need to be you know, in a nice, presentable, physical state. Otherwise they'll get put off, you know, just you know, some animals or whatever, you know, some people just come in and dirty, filthy clothing, powder, smell coming off in the body, etc. Now, we shouldn't be in a presentable state, apply ethyl perfume. This preparation is probably extremely important. I've got it all here ready to show like you can't I'm not selling my book. I

00:27:07--> 00:27:19

mean, I don't get anything anyway. So um, so this this is preparing is very important. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, there's some, you know, he talked about this in great depth and detail.

00:27:22--> 00:27:44

I can't emphasize this enough. I'm telling you because it's very important, don't you and do things I will put your partner off in front of them. I know it's difficult and it's difficult living at home and you know to be in a state all the time. You know, as I said, one thing is very beautiful, which I really loved and which I coated the moment I will follow up with Josie Rahim Allah is handled is color coded him. He talks in his book, sable Carter, he says

00:27:45--> 00:27:51

I'm actually quoting Coronavirus in his book somewhere. But he says that,

00:27:53--> 00:28:03

that language to me, if he hadn't come a husband or a wife should never get together unless they are in a complete physical state of you know,

00:28:04--> 00:28:36

in a state of, you know, cleanliness. And he says, according to me, he says, Well, you could lusatia Nicola Hirsch. That's his viewpoint, okay, we don't have to act upon it. According to him, he said, according to me, it's better that the husband has a separate bed to sleep. The wife has separate normally you don't Don't you know, he says they should not meet too often. Because you'll get bored of one another. And you should not just completely depart from one another because, you know, he'll forget her. He says

00:28:38--> 00:28:56

frequently, every three, four days when you're physically prepared, then have the union otherwise try to sleep separately and have that gap. And he keeps the passion moving moving. And I actually wrote an answer on this because somebody asked his question, is it okay for me and my wife to have this kind of arrangement where we live, you know, like a meet up here and there.

00:28:57--> 00:29:33

But that's it, if you have children, and what's going to happen is going to be difficult for you, of course, but maybe in the house, if you're not in a physical state, where you can see each other or stupid one another, then okay. Sometimes, if you don't want to, you don't have to, but that's his opinion, but I'm not endorsing it or anything other than just saying his opinion. But the point here is that you should only meet and have a unique union when you are in an absolute complete physical state. And then so that was a lot of importance on preparation, preparing, and then there's a section on foreplay, foreplay is very important, especially for men. Okay, men, they just think, you

00:29:33--> 00:29:52

know, it's like they say, I don't know if I can say this in the nursery, but they say, Well, I'm done. Thank you. That's not men. You know, that's not what Islam says. That's, that's non Muslims. Muslims, Islam, says the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, not only he encouraged it, but he actively engaged in it himself.

00:29:53--> 00:29:59

Not so many EDC and that's why the Alamo say that it's must have recommended something's followed for a man to go

00:30:00--> 00:30:19

have four play with his wife. And then there are all the details of the foreplay. But remember, it's you know, you have to have foreplay. It's not just women or as I said, with women, you must you must have foreplay before otherwise, there's a hadith here the Senate is not too strong the chain of transmission which are coated because of Omar, implicating Where is it?

00:30:20--> 00:30:23

Where there was, he said that

00:30:29--> 00:30:51

Cora Cora would actually leave us about this about foreplay anyway, which means that the messenger sallallahu Sallam highly encouraged. He, you know, described the person who has sexual relations with his wife without foreplay in a very negative manner. So anyway, foreplay is very important. And then we have rules, no rules, you know, the basic rules just, I'm just gonna do another two, three minutes and I'm gonna find

00:30:52--> 00:30:57

privacy, very important rule, privacy in every way shape or form.

00:30:58--> 00:31:01

Privacy from the eyes of people privacy from the ears of people.

00:31:02--> 00:31:17

Very important people remember the privacy you know, veining yourself on the eyes of people, but people don't remember about the sound as well. If you think they're going to make too much sound, don't go in a hotel or somewhere. Don't sleep next door to your parents.

00:31:18--> 00:31:24

privacy. So and with there's another rule about

00:31:26--> 00:31:45

do our remote there's two hours here remember, if you have certain books like Quran and things like that, cover them up, recite the dar, the Hadith, which is mentioned here Buhari elsewhere the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said if one of you wants to have sexual relations, say Allah homogeneous, upon which individual panamericana with that, and

00:31:46--> 00:32:22

in terms of the rules, two things that are absolutely forbidden two things. Two things absolutely forbidden. One is this is categorically totally Katrina's absolute. Absolutely. There's no two opinions about two things. Number one is no intercourse which is completely haraam sinful, filthy, dirty, inhumane act. And it's unhealthy. And even the medical experts attest to this. The other is sexual intercourse, during menstruation that is also dirty, filthy. And you know,

00:32:24--> 00:33:03

this filth, you know, and the reason why you know that when it's filled, that it's harmful medically. And I say that when you know, where there's menstruation in the vaginal area, when this temporary field, Allah prohibits it, then anal intercourse with the permanent filth imbibing Ola from a greater extension mihara that these two things are totally Haram. And even medically, it's proven that they are harmful. Talk to the experts and they're telling you I have two doctors checking this book as well. And they agreed with most of the contents that you wanted to swap things in and they could have different opinion. And those two things. Remember that

00:33:05--> 00:33:23

menstrual period as a number two no intercourse. Other than that, other than that, in terms of husband wife relationship, you could have a bit if and buts and however and this and that and and just check it out with the scanner. I know one question which is in everybody's head. There's no time for me to discuss that reading in the book

00:33:27--> 00:33:28

is going to talk now inshallah.

00:33:30--> 00:33:33

No, there's just this oral sex issue. I mean,

00:33:34--> 00:33:36

I've talked about it here.

00:33:37--> 00:33:53

The thing I've mentioned here about oral sex, and Allahu Allah, is that if it involves any, it's going to be very brief because and read it and you don't take this at face value because there's more details to this. If it involves any kind of

00:33:54--> 00:33:55

fills,

00:33:57--> 00:34:28

getting into contact and touching the mouth. That is absolutely horrible. filth, meaning any kind of liquid discharge, men have money, muddy, muddy, muddy is the pre ejaculatory foot fluid money is the sperm. And body is just a fluid at discharge, which normally it's because of sometimes illness, it's quite common and regular after urinate sometimes, you know, so but normally during sexual relations, you have money and Murphy. I've defined both of them in this book.

00:34:30--> 00:34:34

If that if there's a fear of fate or likelihood than sound,

00:34:35--> 00:34:58

okay, which is very difficult to avoid. So therefore, you wouldn't be allowed to call it but if in some way, shape or form that is avoided, avoided maybe just some subtle, you know, kissing around the area or anything like that. Fine, that wood may be allowed, maybe permissible, but disliked nevertheless, you know, it's discouraged color Finola, so this is the philosophy I gave here. And then

00:35:00--> 00:35:03

For all the positions that are mentioned or mentioned, all positions equal,

00:35:04--> 00:35:13

no problem. No problem. And remember, I also mentioned here that trying different positions and spicing up your sex life doesn't go against taco.

00:35:15--> 00:35:36

You don't become an less smooth puppy and you don't become an extra pious person, just because you know, you're reserved about his matters. Rather, you're more pious, if you are good about his message with the video wife, okay, with your wife, of course. So, as I mentioned, the beginning, I don't know where this concept has come from that you notice, you become more pious, because you reserved about as much as islamically that's not the case.

00:35:37--> 00:35:56

And then after sexual relations, there's a lot of things number one, being affectionate, especially with women, you know, if you finish your job, and then that's it, you're not interested in anymore, to think that you're only there for just one reason, that that's what women genuinely think. So, Islam says that, you know, afterwards, it's very important to be affectionate and show that you're not there only for one job.

00:35:57--> 00:36:35

And in Asian community only for two three jobs, cooking, cleaning, and this. So you know, there's other reasons there was a cleanliness qualification, very important. learn the rules of tahara. You know, if money comes on, it comes down to your clothing, you have to get washed, Salah is invalid, invalid. It's impure, according to all the schools of thought, even the shell of a school of thought money, sperm and the pre ejaculation fluid. So make sure that you learn the rule rules of purification. And back about ritual bath, learn the rules, there are no rules here. It's very decent. I don't have time to talk about them right now. But things like um,

00:36:37--> 00:36:40

according to the sharper image hub sperm is, you know,

00:36:42--> 00:36:45

is not sorry, did I mention? It's impure? No, sorry, I made a mistake there.

00:36:46--> 00:37:23

Sperm, many, according to the Schaeffer email had, it's not considered to be impure, it's pure, according to the chef, a school and maybe one or two other mothers, but according to the height of his ditches, the Chavez said that you know, a human being, you're all creative. And a miracle looks vital in many human How can a human being be created if a human being if sperm is impure, then the whole human being is impure? He said, because we were created from it. But the hackers have their own evidences, as a matter of which there is no problem either way, so but what everybody agrees upon is when sperm discharge discharges and there's discharge of sperm, then you are required to

00:37:23--> 00:37:48

have a ritual back. Everybody agrees with that, quite. Now learn the rules of ritual bath. In terms of for example, I've mentioned in detail, successive sexual relations, you had one relationship, the one session, you want to reengage, do you have to take a bath or not. The whole house, I'll tell you in one, one minute, is that whether you want to re engage in sexual relations, whether you want to go to sleep,

00:37:49--> 00:37:58

or whether you want to do some things like eat and drink, or go downstairs or whatever, taking a bath is never necessary. It's only haram when you don't, okay?

00:37:59--> 00:38:32

It's only haram when you He says, okay, it's only around when, when when you miss your Salah, so taking a bath is never necessary. Second level, at least. If you can't do that do do recommended if you can't do that, and the messengers of Allah says, at least wash your private thoughts. And if even if you cannot do that, then even then it's not sinful, you could just go to sleep if you want to. So these are some rules afterwards, which you know of the hierarchy suffocation very important. And then there's a whole chapter on etiquettes of the first night.

00:38:33--> 00:38:42

You can read them I don't want to talk about them. It's just it's very simple. But just one kind of one minute or one point of just I feel very strong about this

00:38:44--> 00:39:20

isn't just one point. There's five things here greeting with Salomon to our first night etiquettes. Okay, the do as mentioned, I'm going to go over that. Number two, offering praise, light hearted discussion, and then sexual relations and point five on the first night of marriage, evil suspicions. I've actually talked about this in quite depth and strongly evil suspicion especially this is related to men because I'm addressing men you know, solely to help have to when you when somebody gets married, and on the first night if they somehow find that their wife is not a virgin,

00:39:21--> 00:39:41

and to have evil suspicions on this is absolutely categorically haram and sinful in Islam. You could be the most pious externally and you think you're pious, but islamically you are committing a major sin of Soobin. Here you have lived in a monastery, Boko Haram and have been in the valley is what it just says.

00:39:42--> 00:39:59

It's a major sin. I mean, there's cases I know a case where a woman got married and the husband was supposed to be supposed to be so called practicing, actually, we'll just say practicing. he divorced his wife the next day because he thought that you know, she was not a virgin. First of all, how much guarantee is that?

00:40:00--> 00:40:00

You're a virgin.

00:40:01--> 00:40:44

Men, you know how much you can trust seriously, just because it's hidden and nobody knows that how much how long you've committed in your past life. And then we just think, Oh women, they have to be pure. It cannot, even if they weren't virgin, if they you know, repented from the sin, it's forgiven by a warehouse manager at a time limited don't become another umbrella. But you have evil suspicion just on the fact that you don't see their virginity in tact, some major sin and do not call yourself a practicing brother, Muslim, if you have these kind of suspicions. A Muslim does not have Eva's baseless suspicions. So I've done you know, the books have took about 101 reasons because of which,

00:40:44--> 00:41:31

you know, the hymen of a woman can be broken. And islamically any woman remember this, and I'll end on this islamically the definition of a virgin is any woman who has not been known within a community to have married before and or who has not been known to have had unlawful relationship. Nobody knows if even she had a love relationship, even if she committed adultery, fornication Zina, he was hidden, she still islamically considered a virgin. This is the definition of a virgin, all the rules of a virgin will apply. If she is known to have married, been married, or the whole world knew that she had a boyfriend and they had sex, then she's not a virgin. But otherwise she's

00:41:31--> 00:41:40

considered to be a virgin and we must consider them to be a virgin as well. So this is a very important point point for brother in shoreline with this and I apologize for going over time.