Channel: Abdur-Raheem McCarthy
Sh. Abdur-Raheem shares with us 25 tips on how we can build an awesome family…
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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah. Tonight Al Hamdulillah is the lodge of the oma building tour here in Qatar, Doha Alhamdulillah. And this series of lectures is something I've been looking into do for a long time. And the brothers here at
what does it even zeda because we know for now, for so many years, Mashallah at the Evans aid center now, right, have asked us to talk about some family issues. And I said to him, there's something I've been looking to do myself for a long time, because we're in dire need as oma to look at how to build our own Mama,
our children, ourselves, our future, because we see the
the issues of the oma change right in front of our eyes. So how do we build our oma from within, because what happens sometimes people want to make drastic changes,
and they don't have the proper foundation. So we need to start from ground zero. We will look at building awesome family. And tonight's lecture, we have 25 tips, how to build an awesome Muslim family and shadow tan.
The first thing and the most important thing is choosing your spouse.
The thing we look for when it comes to choosing our spouses what religion
What else am I missing something here? Character very good. So these answers are right. But there's still some missing ingredients in it. Because we looked at one Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu icmr to it, which you mentioned now, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, look for the one who has the religion image and for things, they said, the religion is the most important thing. We know the Heidi.
And another Heidi, he told the Muslim fathers, that if a Muslim man comes to you, and you are pleased, with two of his characteristics, that's very important. The brother mentioned two of his characters, not one of them, which is what
what are the two characteristics
is religion his character, so if you're pleased with his religion, and his character, then marry him to your daughter. And if you don't, what's going to happen fitna throughout the earth, like the ones we live in today,
because you go now to marry a sister, and it's Mission Impossible.
Got some crazy conditions that you can never meet. So you leave from class. And that's why there's fitna because if you had the dean, and you have the Holo, you are the mentors. So you need and this is very important because we only focus sometimes on the first thing, which is the dean, the dean, the dean, the dean, and somebody will say some people have Dean have some very bad metrics, which is true because they don't know what Dean is.
Some people think the dean is having a beard having a toad Mashallah it's about a color from the Sahaba.
No doubt is from the Sooners, importantly, having a beard, but if you have bad luck, bad manners was not the manners of the prophets. I send them the beer doesn't do you any good. You didn't understand what letter Hello Mohammed Rasulo, I meant if you have bad manners, and that's why this this the scholars mentioned in the books of al Qaeda, the books of Islamic belief, issue of good manners, and from the VEDA, the belief of Allah Sunnah, is having good manners, because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in Zulu, Tim macadam, Allah Allah, verily, the reason I was six was to perfect good manners, high status in Islam, the good manners, so we need to look at the religion and the
matters of that person.
But there's also missing ingredients and people will look into this.
The prophet SAW Selim, he ordered one of the sahaabah he's about to get married, and pay attention to this. And he said, Did you see her?
And he said, No, I haven't seen him. He said, go and see her.
And then another idea. He said, see what calls you to her nikka will cause you to marry her meeting See, to see what you like, because everybody has different things that he likes.
You hear some stories, sometimes you have your own taste, everybody has their own taste. Sometimes you see a woman like oh, Mashallah.
Everybody has different tastes. I remember when I first became Muslim, her two guys talking to the most important thing is that she's big. She's huge. I said, What's wrong with these guys? You know, you can't see your ankle mean she's really fat. But guess what they liked another brother when he's telling me you know, it was like she I'm not gonna get married. If you help me out. He's the most important thing and she's really skinny.
To my Boni, she she pokes you ish. She cuts you with her bones and I'm like, what's wrong with you, man? That's his style. So that for him is important when he said it's important for me that she's bony. Everybody has different tastes when it comes that everybody likes what he sees. That's what the process is and look at what you like that cause you to marry. It's very important.
And that's why you mentioned the four things also the beauty is important, because the person will live with all your life. comes next Oh has good good o'clock. Mashallah. Good Dean, but he's ugly, but she marries him and she was after years like
she's smiling. Okay, maybe it was like, inside, but she's like, Oh, this guy. What did I get myself into? And the same thing he does not can't reject the sister for a dean. So he keeps looking at her. And he's like, Oh, I shouldn't have done this and it causes the marital problems right there. So you have to look at these three ingredients all from the sooner the province SLM, because the province has enemies said that the best wife is the one when you look at her, she makes you what happy. And the same thing for the for the woman she sees the man happy is a clock, how he takes care of his house and how he looks as prisoners. So this is very important one and that's why I'm it
he had some film, which people don't pay attention to. Because people know the story of Mr. Mohammed. When his wife on silent Rahim Allah when she died. His first wife when she died, he wants to get married again. They brought him two women to choose from them.
They said one of them. They're both great women. But one of them she said she's you know, darker and complexion. And she has an issue with her eyes. She only has one eye otherwise she's it's not working.
And the other one, she's lettering get back to collection and she's she's more beautiful. Immediately my mind said Which one is that? Dean? which one has the religion? They said the one who has the problem with the eye? He said this is the one I want? Because he knew as a person when he looked for he said, that's the one I want. And who was she? Omar Abdullah, the the mother of the Imam, pay attention to the Imam Abdullah the son of the government.
May Allah have mercy upon them all. But when he told some people what when they when they were looking to get married, he said, ask about the beauty.
Before the deen
pay attention. Remember what he said asked about the beauty before the deeming people were surprised because they look at what he did. And they look at the Heidi choose the dean. How can you say this? Look at the film.
He said because if you reject her later, because if they say she's her religion is good, she's religious, she's a good sister.
But look wise, or when you see her like, it's not my style.
So it says like you're rejecting her Dean. You asked about the beauty first and it's like, she's not all that man. Honestly, when you see him that it's not it's not my I don't even go any further. There's no she's beautiful. And then you ask about the dean. She's also religious, then you take the next step. So these issues are very, very important from the beginning the foundation, you make sure you choose the correct partner. Also the importance of having common goals.
They say the Kufa they say opposites attract.
For a one night stand, maybe that's because that's their life. But for foundations you're building. opposites don't usually attract one year two years maybe. But then they start to drift apart. Because you have different goals, different interests, different things you want to accomplish in life. That's why important is important. This person who gets married before you get married. The sister asked the brother brother says what are your goals in life?
What do you want to do? What do you like to do? Make sure you have common interests so the marriage will work?
After you choose the correct spouse immediately Step two is to build your fortress around your house protect your house.
Build your house on Tableau and that's why some of the early Muslims from the self they used to focus on getting married
after Ramadan Why would they get married after Ramadan?
Ah, all upcoming on the mind high fasting total we giving sadaqa finish the Quran. So they start their marriage on the basis of taqwa.
The first thing you do
the night of your marriage. What are you supposed to do?
On the night of the marriage, that's done.
you have to do and you do I
pray to recast together. This I use as soon as you take your wife back. How many implement that sooner? Usually now after you make your goal so you come back and put it to root cause right? But the sooner
right away, pray to the gods and then you know you make a good stir later inshallah that's the pseudonym.
Why this is a clear message from the son of the process on how to build
your household, the household on taqwa, on the fear of a loss of anodyne on a bother nowadays. How do we start our marriages?
showing off doing that which is displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala having parties is assumed to have a party
with a man support your call when you will go to Lima. It's a party. It's a high level party. But now one of the haraam party
singing, dancing, women in miniskirts taking pictures, do all kinds of how about having the groom come in? Okay, whatever country you're from, it's all kinds of how not to start with people because of their weekend. Everybody be pleased and happy they start their marriage on that which is displeasing to Allah subhana wa Tada. Step two. Most Muslims today make sure that the malaria can ever enter in their house is the key don't enter my house. Because when we do take our marriage pictures, so cute, husband wife, no hijab on put up everybody to see on the wall. So the angels don't come in as the prophesy. centum said there's a picture no angels are coming in. From the
beginning. Don't follow the sun in the household. Don't say Bismillah when to say turn into is with us.
Making the sooner part of our household or house built on the sooner we see it from the night of the marriage. But it goes deeper than that in all aspects of the life. When you look at the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. The Prophet says lm showed us the status of each spouse.
From the beginning. He told the woman that she praised her five daily prayers and passed her month and does what
was the next day and obeys Who? Her husband? What does she get in return?
Jen enters the agenda from any of the doors she wants. she pleases she chooses which door she had to put up with you. That was that was hell hell on earth that partner with you. Um, the less you obeyed you though, and she did her duties to look at her husband. She enters into the agenda from any door she pleases a lot.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said if I was to order any human to make a Jew to another human, who would it be the wife or the husband, husband to the wife?
wife to the husband, status of the husband, man now that chest up like yeah, you know, yes. Oh, she's hearing this.
But don't forget what the problem is. I sent him said.
He said, Hey, it'll come the best of you. We have all kinds of snow. We don't take one part of this and leave the rest. I heard the sheikh said tonight.
Did you also send me said this, but he also said the best of you is what? Best to the wife and I'm the best of you to my wife's
father, the son of the president the best is the best to his wife.
And he also Sara Lee Salatu was Salam tamo dealing with the wives. How did he use to deal with his wife Sally Salatu was Salam ala.
We look into the sooner the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as well. When it comes to following the sooner
How was he in his household as well?
in the service of his wife.
He's to serve his wife is to help around the house like all of us today, Michelle was America. All the men of this time
to make the wife feel appreciated? help her out put her hand into her hands.
Don't forget don't think no, I'm working is different now because I work nine to five. So she has to do all the work. Did you do more work than the Prophet sallallahu Sallam
praying most of the night
in the service of the oma He's the judge, the Imam, the counselor, the General of the Army, the president all in one.
And he's still in the service of his wife, Sally salatu salam in the household house built on the sooner
we need to strive from the beginning and didn't want to say the beginning. I don't want to give you old guys here.
You guys lost hope we didn't do random you know you can implement from now.
I want from tonight, all of us to make a commitment to implement the son of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in our house.
There's a small little book and it's on an app on your phone. You can download it for free, called 1000 students
in the night in the day, download it after the lecture.
inshallah 1000 suddenness in the night and in the day
from the time you wake up in the morning through all your deeds and actions you do to the date until you put your head down at night 1000 chances to get the reward to follow the sooner the prophets of Allah Islam, you and your wife and your children to make your household make your life full of the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
making our houses, houses of the Quran, built on the Quran
reciting from the beginning, make a commitment that we're going to read the Quran everyday together. It doesn't matter how much you just consistent. Everyday the Quran is read in the house. When the Sahaba
and the early Muslims the Quran was part of the household Look what they reached. And when the Koran left our household. Look what happened to us today.
I remember one of the scholars telling a story because Tom was live with the poor on a modern day scholar.
He was telling the commitment that him and his wife made this like 10 years ago, so they're probably much better now.
He said that him and his wife made a small commitment together. From the time they got married, that they will read together to our owning every single day to robbers.
How much of a juice was that?
It's half of a half a half. So it's what like a quarter of a juicer right?
quarter which is
because he's just a has how many robots eight. So two robots a quarter which is right. So every day they read this. And so the time he did the interview, he said that to the blessing of Allah subhanho wa Taala we finished the Quran together 156 times.
One and it's so easy, how long does take us three to
for the book of Allah subhanaw taala and imagine the effect it has on the children when they come up and they see the book of Allah subhana wa tada always in the hands of the mother and father together. They had this one time together, whether it be the time they wake up in the morning, the first thing that kids hear and see is the book of Allah subhanaw taala recite, reflecting on its meaning acting upon its meanings in
the Quran, in our lives in our household buildings, or houses in the Quran. The sooner the prophecy seldom and having our households be households of knowledge.
So many mistakes we fall into because we don't have knowledge of Islam we don't always know Miss, we know what is what is wrong. We're ignorant with our religion. And when I'm talking about knowledge in our house or once again, I'm not talking about you have to go out to three hours a day it's good if we can do it. But even if just a small amount consistently let's say every day after also we have a mejlis a sitting with our family we sit down for example every day where you one or two Heidi's from Rio de Sala Haney. Then we take another book, we say what to read the CEO of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam every day read three pages five page doesn't matter. Continue to read it
we finished the Sierra Let's read disarmament even Katia hum that we finished that. Let's read the book of tour. He Let's read this, this read that. And you'll find that enough time, as the scholars mentioned when knowledge comes, how does it come?
doesn't come all at once. They made a beautiful
verse of poetry that in the Macedo HTML and NACA that that flood, when it happens, it starts from one drop. So one drop consistently makes the flood and that's the knowledge. If you're consistent each day you read a little bit about your deen. You're going to see the effect it's going to have on you and on your household, making our households and households have good deeds
and a solid in the household. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam showed us how to start when you first get married with what two workouts with a doula What have you even when you go to your wife. You have a doula
and then the problem is that I'm told us to pray the sooner were
at home, so don't make your houses graveyards a bother in the household.
You see the effect is gonna have on the children. We'll talk about that tomorrow. The effect it has on the children they see you always praying.
Allah subhana wa Asana said to us, man, I'm in a sauna admin Decker in our own 30 or more min. But I know your new hires and labor that whoever does a good deal for believing male or female and he's a believer. We will give him the good life.
We'll get married. We build a household
Looking for that good life, alignment, a solid good deeds built on
the good deeds and the striving to please Allah subhana wa Tada.
And this is the important once again, I'm choosing the correct spouse, the religious spouse. Because what happens when you get weak? What's gonna happen? They're gonna remind you,
when they become weak, you remind them, but if they're already weak, and that really enjoy practicing what they're practicing because of you what happens?
It's easy, but he was dissolved in, because he's like, Oh, it's great for me. I don't want to be practice like this anyway, big beard wants to go down. When I'm having a beard, you're gonna get a cut of
tequila. Look at some of these harem. Watching movies watching this. I was asked about this on Yokoyama, the other one she's like, Oh, this What is this, let's watch it together.
Once again, be on the same page, having both people trying to strive to please Allah subhanaw taala.
The seventh point is
to make an agreement from the beginning rules and regulations of the household.
And the crazy thing is, in the world we live in, there's all types of rules and regulations. And we follow them. traffic laws, immigration laws, when you come to renew your immigration visa, when you do it.
Before Time after time. For time, what happens if you don't do it on time?
You don't wanna pay no fines. You do it on time. You don't speed Why?
Because you don't want to follow the laws in your household. How is it? It's a jungle? So many households? No, no system? No, no, not all. Children on the ceilings this in that. Everybody's crazy on the ceilings later with them. You've gone crazy too. Because you have no rules, no regulations, is what happens.
A beautiful, beautiful story of the first night of marriage.
A great scholar and all the judge of Islam. My name is Sheree Adi.
When he first got married,
he said to his wife, the sooner when a husband wife start their marriage is when they're prayed to God. He said I was I was saying I turned around and he said I find her already behind me. She knows the pseudonym.
So is it after he starts on the sooner he goes, you know for the next step. And he said I put my hand out to touch it. And she says slow down. And he said this is what I was scared of. I wouldn't look at one of these, you know, it's not what I wanted. My way my marriage. Slow down. So what's wrong with you? Nobody. You can't say anything that you said. Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam started praise the prophet SAW Selim praise Allah subhanho wa Taala give us a lot slam on the Prophet was delivered.
She said she told him who she was. She said I'm very I'm an Arab woman with Arab tribes she's from to me.
And she said I've never taken a step in my life. Except for us to please Allah subhana wa Tada.
So tell me now from today, what it is you like. So I can do it and what it is you dislike. So I don't do it
from day one.
So he started to explain to I like this I like this I like this. He likes it from life food dislikes from this and that every aspect of life.
I come in I like to I like to have this ready. I go to sleep at this time I wake up at this time. I like to do this when I wake up like to have this ready to do everything he likes tonight, everything he dislikes.
After they did that she said to him is very important one. She said How are you with your in laws? And how do you want the relationship to be? Because sometimes they say Will you marry me marry the whole family. That's true all in your house at all times. So he said look, he was honest. He said I am a call the image of a disciplined life. He said I don't like them to fill up my life to bore my life. I mean, I don't want them always in the house. You know, obviously it's your right to see your parents. Right and then McCovey to go but everything has its limits. From the beginning. He said so I spent the best night of my life with her that night.
And then he said she stayed with me as my wife for 20 years. He said I never saw anything from her I disliked and she never made me angry, except for once and I was the volume I was one who pressed her it was my fault that she got it. She got she made a mistake and and I made it and I got angry. It was my fault, not hers. 20 years never had no differences because they had rules and regulations from the beginning. They had an agreement from the beginning.
They are understanding from the beginning.
Each one knows what the other one likes. Each one knows what the other one dislikes, and acted upon.
And if we look, for example, every person in his house should have household rules. And I recommend,
because it doesn't matter if you're just starting a household household that needs to be fixed, that you write these household rules down, print them out, put them in a picture in a frame, put them on the wall, these are the household rules, just like out there. When it says 90 you go 90, when the house when it says 90 you go 89
don't go over. These are rules, regulations, like any part of life.
I'll give you an example of some rules. Just for example, you understand I'm talking about, let's say now and the house you see you write down all prayers on time. Respect all members of the family, including the workers the maids is important sooner than giving salons when answering leaving, saying please would thank you all the time, listening to other members of the family, not eating your rooms, things like that. You write down things that you want to happen. You're responsible for cleaning your own room, everybody's own chores, this type of thing. What do you want it doesn't have to be something from any everything from the Koran student 100% certain things and we just how to
systemize the life
what the family time is family time.
No telephones, or what? or iPads or give you anything at the time of family time. My wife didn't love this one by the way. I did it for that was important one it's something I learned as well. family time is family time. Put the telephone away. I saw a beautiful picture the other day.
It was a man and a wife. When they just got married
the night newlyweds honeymoon. As they went from the from the party back to the hotel. What are they doing? What do you think know? Each one is on his phone.
He said over here she said over the phone it was
squaring sharing itself
a little later late in the night of the marriage so this was become now so you know if we have family time each person is busy.
We have family time his family time we'll talk about that in a little while inshallah. So you make your rules make your regulations in the house that these there's no there's a red line when it's when it's when these rules are the rules the rules clean up after yourself. If you open something, close it it's the rules you have your house, you train you train ourselves, train our families.
The next point is making our houses
houses of Mahabharata and Rama
merci peaceful tranquility in the household and also the final dimension This room is is a room.
Woman is he and Kala Kala Kala cuminum foster home as virgin from his is his science panatela he created for you What? spouses? Why?
Well, what are you waiting for?
It is school no la, relax to them. tranquility, well jalepeno
Rama and he put love and mercy between you. And
Barry This is a sign for those who reflects
reflect on his meaning. This is what our household needs to become.
The household is the place where the man wants to be he wants to rush home. He can't wait to get home. The woman she's in her house doing household chores, working raising the kids and she wants to be there because it's the house of love and Rama and mercy and tranquility she doesn't want to leave.
But now in the days we live in a husband finds all kinds of excuses not to come home or go there. If I'm working late there's anything to do is just sitting in an office so doesn't come home. And the woman's like I hope he comes home late today. I don't want him in the house with him.
This is a problem we have to focus on. We're working on making the households as Allah subhanaw taala describe what they should be.
Allah subhanho wa Taala described the spouses in the Quran with the most beautiful example of
the best looking one to me best
a garment their garment for you and your girlfriend. Beautiful is what it needs to be this what the marriage needs to be. The household needs to be
the province that Allahu alayhi wa sallam made sure he his household was something special would enter into the house was the first thing he did
before that, and he starts with some swag.
So when he comes and he kisses his wife, it smells good. It smells proper.
processor Mr. Love perfu is love the smell good. He's been well groomed to take care of himself and he said that was Scylla
isn't the household says Bismillah so the shaytaan hasn't come in, on the other hand is Bismillah average nervous Maharajah some of the scholars say it's not authentic. Nonetheless, just to say Bismillah is authentic and for say Bismillah to the shaitaan as an answer with you, and then say salaam aleikum when you answered the Sooners spreading the celeb,
smiling, being happy when you see your wife kissing your wife from the sooner when you answer when you leave.
We look into the household of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam
we see the process I'm focused on and pay attention this
romance in the households, from the women from the men the Process Center was romantic, at least center to center he was a perfect, perfect and in every aspect of his life and his love to people now look at some of the Aspen Oh, the western this gentlemen. There's no better gentlemen the prophets of Allah while he was
mentioned that he would kiss his wife entering the house leaving the house studies have proven in the big American universities today that the person who kisses his wife before he leaves it's one of the things that makes the relationship stronger and makes the relationship last.
studies have proven it The sooner the promises.
He would feed his wife
with his own hands.
He will take the piece of pudding, put it in your mouth he will feed
the prophet SAW Selim would drink from the same spot that his wife drove drunk from she would drink from this he would you drink from so you can put his lips on the same place your lips words
the prophets and Allahu Allah says he talks about being a gentleman and the Battle
of haber. After the battle Who did you marry?
After the battle fable
on the way back, Sophia will be aloha Wanda.
What did he do when he want her to get on to
He opened the door for like a gentleman.
How he went down Elisa to slam and put his knee down for her to put her leg on a stylist that was slammed to get onto her camera. Now the gentleman opens the door for his wife. The professor is telling the perfect gentleman. This romance. It's important make that make life feel special between the husband and the wife. The Prophet alayhi salaatu wa sallam
talked about the importance
of giving gifts.
In general, such a hairdo to have.
give gifts to love will spread. How about your wife when you bring home a gift to her or she gives a gift to you. And studies have proven that the generous spouse make the marriage last as well as the profits that aloha doesn't do what romance where he died at least enough to celeb
in the lap on the chest of a shuttle the lohana.
As the last moments of his life, he knew his dilates that was lamp, he wants to be with the love of his life, a shadow the Aloha
romance is how houses need to be so many problems we have in the household is because there is no love between the husband and the wife or not proper love.
And studies once again have shown that one of the biggest things we talked about tomorrow and the day after, one of the things that affect the households is the children not seeing the love between the husband and the wife, we need to revive the soon in the households.
The issue of intimacy in the household
and this may be a PG 13 topic or plus 18 so I'm not gonna go into many details.
But also studies have proven This has got to be a very very important
thing in the in the life of the marriage.
The prophets I seldom said
if a man sees fitting in the streets
so forgotten soon Oh, by the way, he's bitten in the street. Now we see it everywhere on the street on the team everywhere you go, what are you supposed to do?
run back home.
Soon, this is a very very important part. Each person please other than this, if the striving this and studies improving when this part of the ratio is good. If there's weakness in other parts of a ship, this will keep a strong intimacy you can't talk enough about it. But inshallah maybe in a another time we'll go more in detail in the collective aspect. The issue of family time.
family time is so very, very important.
We have a time just for the family. And this is something we build the family on. And even something we need to do if we're not doing it might be a little more difficult. We have older children. Why the blow is boring we'll do this doesn't matter rules and regulations, family time.
After also, for example, most families do at that time you they come home from the school, have a little nap, whatever or eat their lunch, pre answer. Family, Tanna, 1015 minutes, we can make it a family project where we report on the Koran, talk about how your day was what's new, what's going on. What's important is that we come together. Another important thing is what? The meals
and don't forget that all around the world, even in the Western world, that these meals, the family meals together, used to be something more of this is something like a holy nature. There was no and when it's when it's time for dentists, time for dinners, no excuses.
If I would ask you guys now when you guys grew up,
you guys should have the meals with your family or not.
Almost everybody, even myself in the West, there are time was no time my household. Nowadays, how many of us have dinner with our families, some of us still do, but the delivery and this and undo me and all this type of things. They've ruined the households. Nobody's hungry, who are busy. Everybody's, everybody's in their own little world in the household. The family time is very, very important. Some this we need to make this part of our lives, have this bond,
bonding between the members of the family,
listening, coming together to listen to our children, listen to each other, to understand each other either. We don't know anything. Sometimes now parents don't even raise their kids are in.
Like you're in. You're in seventh grade. I thought you were still in sixth grade. The kids are not. There's no attachment. There's no relationship, which is true. And people know this. Man, I didn't know you. When did you get in that gray? Because
we're not attached to our children. They're not attached us. They were the playbox and their cartoons, internet all this
time for us. or Xbox, or Playstation or Xbox.
They're busy with this stuff.
The issue of the secrets of the home.
We need to have from our rules and regulations. That the secrets of the home. Stay were
The secrets of the home stay at home is one of the things that Sheree, Carly told his wife as well. He said, Have you seen anything good for me. And you want to spread it spread it. But he's using anything bad. He said Haydn's to let people know Mike was one of the main things that destroy the Fed people come and start talking about the bad things about their wife, the wife some of the bad things about their husbands, people spread these rumors, and then it comes back and it causes problems in the household, train our children as well. What happens in the house happens now it's nobody else's business. So many family problems we have today is because the secrets of the
household get out of the household. The process has been trained, as he said that the majelis with a manner that will happen inside of mejlis You shouldn't go out this with general interest between you and a brother or even a few brothers. You don't spread this stuff. So how about with your family, even more importantly, what happens in the house stays in the house. We need to make our homes homes of perfection, and all aspects of teaching ourselves first of all and foremost. And then our children later that Allah subhanho wa Taala as the promises of them toward us. Allah loves one of you does something to do what? To perfect. When you do something, you've perfected your husband, you
strive to be the perfect husband, your wife, you strive to be the perfect wife, you're a daughter or a son, you're the best you can be. And being a Muslim, perfecting you, Islam, perfecting your ibadah. When you have your chores in the household, you strive to perfect it your studies in school, you strive to perfect it because a lot of people think now that there's a contradiction between being a practicing Muslim, and being somebody who's successful in the dunya.
Once again, these people didn't understand what Islam is. Because Islam or as is to be the best we can be in all aspects of life. And that's why I find it beautiful when I travel around the world. And I see sometimes at the best students
are our brothers and sisters who are practicing their Deen.
I was lecturing recently in a university in Sudan and this university
it's not a good place. It's one of the worst it's the worst list with that. And it was meant to be like that. At the same time. So many
Practicing brothers and sisters in this university subpanel.
Sometimes used throughout the years. The first one number one, the valedictorian in the in the class, the best student, a practicing brother practicing sister number a few years back when I was lecturing there, they had the pictures of each one of the many the valedictorian of his class. So the third year student was a sister or picture in a niqab, best student in the university.
And serious about her Dean, Michelle, is what we need to be as Muslims, to reflect our Deen in all aspects of life.
The 15th point that we have is the importance of having goals in our homes, between the husband and the wife, and between the children. What is the goals? What do we want to reach? It's very important. Now honestly, if we were ask ourselves, what do you want from your children?
To be successful to make money to be a you know, a decent Muslim? What have you done?
to do that? Do they know that? What are your goals in life? I don't know. What do you want from me? I don't know. Where we're talking about No.
We have goals was what we want from our life, we want to get to gender want to be the best we can be in this dunya have a household built on goals.
Each member of the family needs to know their role in the household.
It's a team effort.
Just like in football, just like in basketball.
How many of you know about basketball? I don't know about football. So I can't give an example from
the Filipino brothers where the Filipinos you guys know about basketball? Who's the best basketball player in the world today?
LeBron James hands down no doubt, MVP each year, and it's not a mistake. The best of the best? How many championships is he won?
to last two years they've been champions. How do you win the championship? He went to a different team. He joined with other players who also awesome also very good role players, each person who their role, they became champions in the household, it can't be one person, husband's awesome, and nobody else his house was gonna be awful. Most of the mother and father the good and the pious, but they don't teach their children how to be the same way. So jumbo, like we said in the beginning.
So each member needs to know his role. Who's in charge of the household?
The father, the man
21st century, woman's rights, who made him
and charge forget this 21st century nonsense. for Muslims who put him in charge? Hello, CASE CLOSED, nothing to be said about it. This is like but I'm more intelligent, my husband could be one of the less he's in charge. That doesn't mean that you don't go and ask your wife for her advice. They don't mean you make decisions. So you know,
I'm in charge. You're the chef when you said it that
way, nothing else from you.
That's not like that. It's a team effort.
But at the end of the day, who makes the decisions in the company who makes the decision?
The CEO, does he do by himself, he asked the people underneath him. Cause the meaning at the end might be some difference of opinion. But he makes the decision. What happens you don't have that CEO?
jungle once again.
So we come together, even asking the children their opinions. It's nothing wrong, the little kid so what do you think about this? Get their opinion, get them involved? Doesn't mean you can take his opinion. You know? So what do you think we should do? So I think we should make this all a playroom, big screen TV, and this. And I think we shouldn't go to school, you know, if you just sit here and play in this, okay, thanks for your opinion, obviously not gonna do it. But at least he got he talked about how he felt. He feels like he's part of the team. Okay, having to get the province of Salem, he's the best of the best.
went to his wife and asked her for advice. Time and time again, at the solar odbl. They're going to make O'Meara and he went and he told them to shave their heads. And the Sahaba didn't want to do it. They want to throw them around. They don't want to give up they want to fight if they have to fight. They were willing to give up. He was angry, how can they not obey me? What do you do?
went inside and talked to his wife, well, the low and she told him what and shave your head first. Let them see the implementation. And then everybody's gonna follow and that's what happened. So the advice of his wife is, you know, I'm the ruler I'm the one in charge they have to follow. Listen to his wife. By the end he's the one who made the decision. He took her advice. Each one needs to wrote note no the role nowadays one of the biggest thing and let's be honest, if we want to fix the problems, we have to be honest
The biggest thing that has destroyed her house I want to talk about tomorrow on Saturday night
is the role of the woman is no longer the role of the woman.
Because what's important for us is what the most important thing is that life has become what? Let's be honest, money, money.
Let the woman work. I don't care. I'm not paying all the bills by myself, get a job, woman. Now people get married. What's the first thing there's not no longer beauty no longer Dean that she has a job. Hope you're making more than me.
Then Oh, she hasn't been in some beauty. On top of that. The key thing is she's got a good job.
Because men don't want to be men. And the women can't be women. The women have the most difficult job in the world. I don't care what anybody says.
Raising children, it's difficult man. Taking care of houses, difficult, having to clean and cook for a furnace difficult. Having take care of you is difficult. And then you make a go work on top of that. That's why the households have been ruined. That's why the West is what the West is today. Any a bomb ready to explode the Western society collapse, it's finished. That cheered me anytime. No family relationships whatsoever. No respect for the family, the kids come home, there's no mother in the household. It's impossible. It's impossible for a woman to be a proper wife and a proper husband work at the same time. She can try her best. But it's impossible to do it properly. I don't care
what anybody says. Allah told you what a beauty can stay in your house.
Why? Because that's where the good comes from.
This is how it has to be in the West now.
Programs after programs on TV have been done about women, American women going back
to the house. So because we found we can't raise our children properly, we're working.
Like I said, you have some sisters, Mashallah May Allah bless. And they strive, they try to do best, but it can't be done. It's too difficult. It's too much responsibility. And that's why each person has to know the rule. The child has to know their role as a child, the role of the parents, the status of the parents, what do I need to do as a child? What is my role in the house? How can I be part of the team, it's a team effort, everybody has to play their part. We're gonna be successful in building this
thing, things the province has said I'm said the things that he did what the law said, it wasn't just a good advice. It's a must, even non Muslims.
Now the women women's rights, they get upset about this one. But it's still in the Irish constitution. So the Irish Irish constitution, not so the Constitution, the Irish constitution, that the place of the woman is where anybody knows Irish Constitution, the place of the woman is in the house.
Irish constitution, written in 19, early 1920s, as soon as they finally broke away from from
the place of the woman is in the house.
And they said that the good for the society won't happen unless the woman is in her house, taking care of her children. And because of this, the state, if she doesn't have and she's in a time of need, the state will pay for her to stay in her house. So society can be good.
Some situation you're in, maybe your wife has to help out. It's expensive to live in the Gulf countries, for example, nonetheless, you need to try to give your wife as much free time as possible. If she's going to work, then you have to come home and you have to put on the apron with her there. You have to help out. It's impossible to do it by herself.
We have to be there for our children. Each person has to know his role, the rights of each member of the household.
The children need to know the rights of the parents, the parents need to know the rights of the children. We can't talk about in depth, I don't have time, but each member has rights. And the children have responsibility was to take great responsibility first to raise them properly, want to be asked about on the Day of Judgment.
The woman she has rights the husband he has rights, each one needs to learn the rights of the other, having respect for the husband for the wife, knowing their rights, fulfilling their rights.
When you look into the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala so the beauties of Islam
to be humbled to your parents to obey them, not to say to them,
the smallest amount of disrespect know the rights to children are trained from a young age. We need to look at how we deal with our wives. Would the prophet SAW Selim have dealt with this with his wives like like this, we need to ask ourselves.
You see this is a big bear responsibility the family
would the how would the process lm have dealt with this situation?
The way I'm dealing with my wife right now or the way the wife is deal with that.
husband will displease Allah subhanho wa Taala will upset him we need to ask ourselves on the day of judgment when we stand in front of a law, how is this treatment gonna affect my scale of good deeds and bad deeds?
So we still have a chance.
building our houses on love is
one of the most key things the important things studies have proven is
the importance of the children finding the love in the household, the husband find the love the wife finding that love the profits of the lesson, we mentioned several examples house was full of love, full of respect for the other members will fall off the model dlo Anna came in the house and to the mejlis. What did he do? What was the story? He stood up for her. He smile, he was happy to see her. And he opened up a spot next to him at a slot whatsoever to come and sit down.
Loving the process of selling when he came to pray,
was with him a lot of the times Hassan was saying his granddaughter or mama showing the love and respect for the children.
Even with his companions, he would show them love. He would sell them so many examples. See him was in New York. So my very I love you. I love you. He took him by both hands. La salatu salam he used to be affectionate with the children by
wiping on their head and wiping on their on their cheeks. The children Medina, how about with young children? One of the Sahaba from the out of the blue ones who come from the desert, harsh, harsh ones they came. And they saw the process of kissing his grandchildren.
The guy was shocked you kissed you kiss the kid. So it's a big No, no, no, no, we're we're from you know, kiss the kid.
And he said I have 10 children 10 he said I've never kissed one of them.
Well, the problem is that I'm say to him, Malaya or Hamlet. Whoever doesn't have mercy doesn't get any mercy. You have kids, you'll never kiss your kid. how's it gonna feel this kid?
The kids need to feel this the place of love and affection.
Their parents love them. The husband is the field that his wife loves her. She needs to feel that a husband like this love is important. Don't think there's something you see now on the NB C's and stuff like that. This is real. This is Dina's Islam. issue of love is important one.
The importance of communication.
Understanding the other. This is so, so important and building and building the Muslim household.
There are certain times
there are certain times where you need to know it is not the time to talk to my husband, it's not the time to talk to my wife right now.
We do they are in a good state, when's a good time, when's the bad time.
The communication is so important is what we're missing. When something goes wrong, something you dislike your wife does, or something like this is what most of us do. But don't say that we keep it inside and she keeps it inside, then the years build up and explodes.
And the problems happen from the beginning. Come to say, my wife, my love, I don't like when you do this. Instead of my sound like when you do this. Pay attention when I do don't don't don't talk neither have certain things. Now.
The fifth of disagreeing and arguing in the households is so important.
Never, ever, ever argue or disagree in front of your children. This destroys the households.
You have to have understanding that we disagree and you're gonna disagree.
The province doesn't have disagreement his wives and you're not better than him and your wife's never gonna be better than his wives. And they disagree. How do they deal with
when you disagree? Never in front of the children. Tests have proven that is a proven that is one of the things that destroy the household. When you disagree, what is supposed to when you get angry.
What are you supposed to do?
Sit down, say what I will do below Miko and change your position whatever it is to
hold down the anger. So you get angry. A lot of things going to be said people always come to the chef at the worst my wife but I was angry
to somebody or worse away when they're happy.
Having a beautiful candlelight dinner, you know, romantic, maybe you're divorced, you know, just Just let me let you know what it is in nicely. That's what I took you out tonight, this expensive dinner here so that you know that you're divorced three times. Now get on your way. It doesn't. It doesn't happen like you have to control your anger and come together and solve the problem.
This is without belief that you take an agreement of taken
For the last panel Watada for this marriage, when the problems happen, you have to solve it. And you have it you have it was the rules and regulations, we have a problem now for the children, she starts talking to you. Now for them to walk out of the house or she walks into the room like that. It doesn't happen, it's not gonna happen. We're gonna talk about it later, which one cools down
of having our households built as houses built upon truth.
We'll talk about the truth.
several aspects are being truthful in the household. By making a household That one's not built on lies a lot of talks about the importance of truthfulness, asserts all throughout the Quran, the process and talks about all throughout the sinner. But also making sure
that we need to keep our words as as husbands as wives. That's what I always tell my family. I never say yes to anything. Not right away. It drives my family crazy. Yeah, but I see yes, it's a policy. Can we go somewhere tomorrow? I'll tell you later. Because right, I'm busy right now I'm studying relax. No problem. No, go ahead. I'll tell you now realize I have something else to do tomorrow. I can't do it tomorrow. But then what you gave your word. And the problem start. I told me you you get to keep your word. You're a Muslim.
Hey, I remember the Mushaf. He said one time to my train our children.
He said that as soon as he leaves the household and one thing not paying attention. He said, Bob, I said Bring me a tour when you come back.
And he said, I'll do it for him.
He left and he had to go to a lecture he was in a hurry to get to the house. And he comes home he comes back the first thing that I asked him is what? Where's my boy? You said yes.
House bid on truthfulness, being truthful. fulfilling your word fulfilling your promise. So where's my toilet? Oh, I'm sorry, my son, I forgot that he forgot he was gonna have to hurry and lecture questions afterwards this. He forgot one of the voice a tone.
He said you get on the member
and tell people to do and don't. And you lie in your household. You don't keep your word. Whether she has do right back up what the twain came back. He was word household, the truthfulness, teaching our children the importance of being truthful.
They come to the law, you know the line, I didn't break it. Sorry, the chocolate His hands are full of Chai wasn't me.
These are from a young age. What's important Allah knows if I don't know is that important about meaning more important as a law number meaning what's more important, my son, my daughter is that you tell the truth. I'm not gonna be angry. Tell the truth is the household truthfulness. We don't have lies in this household. So be truthful, be honest at all times, no matter what. But if you lie or become angry, if you're truthful, you just on the wrong, I'm gonna let you slide because you're honest. Training ourselves and our children to be truthful. Having our households be households of forgiveness, forgiving one another because nobody's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. If somebody
comes to you, and the importance of being truthful is once again, if you make a mistake,
to admit it, I'm
sure he'll call it. He said 20 years. I was never upset with my wife, not once.
She never did anything wrong. When he once said, What do you say? He said, and I was the volume I was the oppressor. I'm the one who did wrong to her. To make her do something wrong displeasing to me. He was honest. If you make a mistake, and we want to correct and build our houses properly, you made a mistake. And when it comes to deal with your wife, go home to her tonight and say look, I made a mistake. I should have been doing like this. It was wrong. She tells you I made a mistake. And then after that they were forgiving. We accept it. So know
He's gonna be a success. How you build your house.
You should know that you should know better. Allah never forgive you for love. be forgiving, somebody missed. They made the mistake. We forgive them and not holding grudges.
Our hearts have to be pure.
The process of ceremony said a man will enter now from the people of gentlemen.
What did this man do to be the from the people of gender? When they found him see what he's doing? Nothing special.
He said that I never sleep at night have anything in my heart against another Muslim. Talked about get your husband, your wife, I guess your children I guess your father, your mother, having a house pure and clean towards our family.
The last two issues I'm going to talk about something that none of us think about this issue.
The importance of healthy homes.
I mean healthy, eating healthy eating right. So many problems that we face today.
is because of the trash and the rubbish that we in our children eats.
The things that we eat it affects us we don't realize this. overeating affects us when I was on tour now Malaysia one of the workshops I gave
at the twins of faith conference was sooner cures and we talked about dieting. Now it's the big thing diet diet diet is
the ultimate diet is in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu it was said
we were we were raised as young children.
We needed how many meals a day.
three meals we raised the mother to eat three meals and you ate three meals, breakfast lunch and dinner. What did you do to us? Put our parents in the graves a lot of our grandparents heart attacks and made us like our wives when they're like six or seven months pregnant.
overeating eat boy eat to your to your full vote against the sooner though you gotta eat more eat.
Now, the professionals, the
fitness coaches, and the doctors said actually that was a mistake. How many meals Do you need a day?
You guys know nothing about the modern things man. Come on. How much
still old school have five meals a day some five six whatever. A small meals. The big meals are bad for you. The process tell him.
He said if it's just a few bites, it's a fight. You're hungry. That's all you need to be strong. Any small poor small, small meals.
Eating small amounts with How many fingers? three fingers. It's healthier for you. Not overeating. One third For what?
For water, one third for air and one third for food. Nowadays, what is it?
About 95,000 foot food, the Pepsi and the rest is kidding. We can even move we can't even breathe.
But the die happens. The scholars talk about one of the main poisons for the heart
That's when the process of setting you never feel a vessel more dangerous than what the stomach
you are what you eat. This affects you in your life. You're sick, you're tired, you don't feel good. And you're at home, you feel grouchy, your children eating chips and chocolate and that's why they're climbing your way why they climb on the ceiling while they have bad health. Why are they so weak? That's why
we really need to look into the issue of what we in taking care of ourselves. The body also is it's a man from Allah subhanho wa Taala the prophet SAW Selim when he talked about his body.
How was it?
Six Pack shortcuts they have a right process of his business and a flat stomach. Elisa to Scylla he was in shape 63 went for Hajj. What did he do?
slaughter 63 camels with his own hand.
Now the sheep the sheep lays down for you. The camel comes after you
was trying to get you it's your him as far as he's concerned. You're not gonna he's not gonna scare you too. comes after you process them so
that you don't slip that you stab 63 with his own hands, use the racist waves at least not to slam and shave.
For 60 days today most of us can even walk or 63 because we don't take care of ourselves important has an effect on you emotionally on your a bad on how you deal with things when it changes in our households. And the last point we want to mention is the importance of do
for our family. Look in the Quran going for effect on the Koran. Look out Ibrahim Ali Salaam always make dua for his family.
He's always look out for his family in the dugout Mm hmm. Make us Muslims for you.
Woman the reaction from our offspring
to return muslimah
offspring of Muslims who are servants to you
making dua to Allah Subhana What's that?
And never making dua never, ever making do on your children or on your wife. Never no matter what they do. May Allah curse you sometimes you say
what if a lawyer answers the doula what is the curse?
Hello my name a few successful male lawmaker from the losers in law answers to
the process of making the dua one as I heard making on the camel process, tell him gave him a lesson. Look a lot of answers in it.
Your own child, your own wife.
Never ever make to our point.
answers that drop. The curse is being thrown out the Rockman the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And you see it later because you made this do it was stupid you couldn't control your anger. I heard a beautiful story the other day.
And I'll end with this.
It was a man
who entered into the room and found his mother asleep. And it shows us the status of the parents in Islam. His mother was asleep. She was talking in her sleep.
You know, she was saying she was making dua for her children.
in her sleep she's making the man came in, he said. He said it touched my heart in such a way you know, the Lord gave me a love for my mother. I never had her I always have the nobody's took it to another level. She's in her sleep. She's making do out for me and my brothers, my sisters in law mega successful, the law will help us the law will be with us. Parents driving for the children, causing making dua for them. The law will make us successful make us pious and to make our children and offspring pious and alone knows best and alone as best a lot almost always tell him about being a mom.