Channel: Abdulfattah Adeyemi
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your welcome to another edition of a day twig F ma and guess what up in the beta program today? It's either that Dr. Shaikh, Abdul Fattah at the URI Somali cosa wailuku salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato. It's a pleasure to be here today. Thank you very much for coming, sir. Yes, can you please tell us more about you so the viewers can get to know you better? Yes. I'm Abdel Fattah idma. I'm a marriage counselor, and I'm also a life coach. And I also do a lot of youth motivations and conflict resolutions between couples to foster peace, love and mercy between the couples so that we have what we refer to as happy married life as much as possible. Thank you very much. Mashallah, Mashallah.
Aquila, Heron, for coming. Welcome. Okay, so before we continue on the program, let's quickly watch the subject of discussion for today.
Salam Alaikum wa rahmatullah.
Salam Alikum walaikum. Salam,
I'm here to pay my husband his last respect. Your husband? Yes, sir. My husband?
What's going on here?
and what sorts of blackmail? is this? How they refer to my husband as your husband,
after Gani had only one wife during his lifetime? And obviously that is me. So what's all this? You're saying? I don't get it. No matter. He had another. And that's me. In fact, I even bought him a child.
Without without this child, and I'm always
aware. Yes, this lovely child.
Silva last left.
Oh, my goodness, welcome back viewers,
for the crow world awards indeed.
Who would indeed
Shake what you have to say today's because look at what has happened to this woman, that poor woman, someone who has paid on a live loving, I've been loyal and all of that. And all of a sudden, at our house, Ben's funeral has another wife. Why must he do that? What's the need for another wife, you see a smile, it's very easy to just see something like this and make a conclusion of what has just happened. What we must not forget is that you know, you can't tell somebody stories when you don't know their tails. You do know what has happened between them and what it has been. If you will see cruelty. You may say that the other way if that is the main wife is one that is feeling betrayed.
But to the woman that just showed up, who I believe perhaps she had been married earlier on to heights and answer to her prayer that she eventually got married, and she also has lovely children for demand. So we should not forget that if the man was a Muslim, it was permitted for him to marry more than one wife. And who knows, maybe that's actually his wife also. Okay, well, but
I mean, looking at that scenario, it seems more like the man had committed Zina. Because he's never married to this lady. She upgraded from the word the wife is not even aware about this marriage. We never can call it Xena like that because we're not
We don't know whether the man actually married her in the first place to save that the first wife didn't know about it is not a conclusion that demand did not actually marry that second wife. And because it has he has been permitted to go ahead with such a marriage. We don't know whether they actually married or not.
That can actually take us, I mean, lead us into the conversation of a day.
You see, the Quran has explained this, especially to Muslims. And then the provision for polygyny. It's not a divine compulsion. Almighty Allah did not make it compulsory for everyone that they must marry another wife. It depends on so many reasons and so many factors just like we have in the Glorious Quran. Allah says in Philippians chapter four verse three, Allah says I will be lamina shaytaan regime. Frankie who mirbeau Bella cumin and Nisa he must not waffleh sabara for in his tomb under the roof our hidden Oh, mama cat, Imani. And last one what Allah is saying that for men. And when we say men, we're talking about real men, not just male for men, Frankie who might
marry lose that appeal to you amongst women marry two or three or four. But if you see that you cannot be just an equitable between them. They're married only one. Okay. Talking about just okay. Yes.
Yes, that's what I mean. It's also said in the Quran. Allah says we cannot be just as human. According to the verse of the Quran concerning the matter of justice. The Quran says, well as tested tiru and 30 luban and Nisa walo heroes, you can never be just between women. No matter how much you try, you can't maintain justice. And so many people get it wrong by thinking that Allah wants us to be just no matter how much you try, is not only amongst women, if you have more than one children, you know, you can't be 100% just between them. What Allah wants us to have what is called equitability. That is you give on to each one worthy deserve based on their preferences and their
circumstances, you will see that it's not that God is asking for something that is absolutely impossible for somebody to do. For example, you can ever love women exactly the same way, where we have many other ways of gauging and judging and measuring things. But there's nothing like lomita in Islam, where you say you want to see, okay, what percentage of love goes to this and goes to that, by nature, men have the capacity to love more than one woman at the same time. And this love will still be deep and heartfelt for men who are able to read. Now you see it sounding so transcendental is is sounding something outside this universe. The truth of the matter is men are not the same.
There are those who can do it, and who should read. And there are those who can do it, but they don't have to do it because of other factors that surrounds them. And for those who can do it, and they are in the circumstance that they should read. Islam encourages them to go ahead and do it with the terms and conditions that apply. And part of it is for a man to be equitable amongst the women, and fear Almighty God in everything that you do. So Islam is not condoning immorality, Islam is not bringing something that's entirely new to humanity. Because culturally, there are some cultures that are permitted. And that condones it, that even encourages it. And there are some cultures that do
not like it at all. And also there are some individuals who will rather do it than not do it. But for those who cannot do it, Allah says when, if you feel that you cannot maintain that justice that is done by one condition, so many reasons can come up that will meet a polygyny or a peninsula setup to come to be. For example, it may be that the woman in the house herself prefers it, you know, by virtue of her profession, or by some physiological, you know, incapability or because she's not able to meet up with the wifey or motherly role and responsibility. She may also have some ailments, she may have some disease, she may have some incapacity she may also have maybe could be mental also,
Islam will want any woman to be left out in the cold Islam one such women to be married. And if the husband rather than chase her out of the marriage, the man should marry another woman and it should be equitable between them. Now you see it can be the preference of the man can also be the preference of the
Woman, incidentally, the Islamic principle supports women. So more. That is why polygyny is in order. You asked me how it is like this, you see, a woman can marry any man she wants. So long as the man has no God more than four wives. But a man cannot marry just any woman, especially if that man is already married, with not an imposition, that everybody must do it. It's not an imposition is not imposed is not important. But that doesn't mean that those who can do it, a woman may particularly love a man. And if this man is already married, rather than for them to engage in something that's immoral. Islam permits that if the man truly love her, then he can marry her as a
woman in the house.
It is today that we know we don't know what happens tomorrow, men die. When the one of the house becomes a widow for instance, she also has to marry somebody else and move on with her life. A woman that is used to having a husband having somebody to love her having someone to care for her. Suddenly the husband dies, and she now is left alone, to look after the children by herself. Okay, what is it not that women are created from the rib cage of men, unless your name is Adam, and unless you are the Adam, the father of humanity is really adamant, however, that that story fits. It is from Adam, that God created however, the wife from one of the rib cages is not that all men
including Muslim moose bow and Abdul Hamid, all of them now think they are all Adams, Allah didn't remove your wife from your side. You see, what makes people to think that way is we have this concept of soulmate. Everybody believes this my soul mate, this is my one and only, this is the only one for me and all those things we say you know what they express love to one another. The truth of the matter is, it's only Almighty God that his soul meet. every other person you marry, they're all human beings, human beings with flaws. Human beings will faults in human beings with imperfection. Anything can happen tomorrow, you can't see because the person is your soulmate. If the marriage is
not good, then you continue to stay. There are instances where even the Sharia permits divorce. There are instances where people marry out of ignorance they marry out of naivety, they marry out of being deceived, they have been through some deception. As a result of that, if it happens tomorrow that such a woman now finds a true callings in life finds the true meaning of her life in life. And it happens that marriage is not working again, she's free to marry somebody else, even if the person is already married. In other words, Islam brings that freedom not to cage people into marriages, that possibly is not working, or marriages that are abusive, and so on and so forth. So we shouldn't
look at polygyny only from the side of the women who should also look at it from the side of the men through there are some men who have the need for a wife that can you know, be part of their lives in one aspect or the other in one form or the other. And this men also have the right and they have the freedom, if they can marry somebody else, if they can be equitable amongst the women. Does it close the terms and condition now? Yes, if if they can try their best to do it, then they should go ahead and do it. And above all, polygamy is not a kid stuff is not for children, is not for people who are not my chart is not for people who cannot control their emotions is not for men who are not able to
be equitable amongst people is not for men who are weaklings and are subject to being directed by other forces around them. It is for real men we are talking about and for those who can do it, Islam has only said yes, you are permitted to do it. But it is not that it is imposed that you must do it humbly lie.
I think I am more enlightened about this topic. It's it's a big deal with our with our sisters, especially Muslim sisters, they find it very difficult to digest this. You know, because
we're talking about emotional
commitment. We're talking a lot of energy in a relationship as Abraham did. I offer you up pick one or two messages from the base topic and I hope they're beneficial to you